Winter's Refuge

Chapter One Hundred and Four

LOM

I got a telegram from the Kid when I got home. I can't travel right now. I don't want to be away from Susan. I've never really been around a woman in her condition before. I visited with Chrissy when she was pregnant in prison but never for long. So, I have nothing to compare Susan's symptoms with. She's tired all the time. I let her sleep late. Still, she can't keep her eyes open at noon. Our midwife in Porterville suggested she see the doctor. The doctor examined her and simply said, "She's with child. The midwife will take care of her."

I debated for a few days, but finally sent a telegram to Dr. Aiden Arden asking him to come. He replied within hours, "Of course."

JED 'KID' CURRY

I made Chrissy's desk portable by puttin' it on an iron base with curved legs that slide under the bed when she pulls it near her and wheels that let her push it to the side when she didn't need it. Aiden was out and said she was doin' just fine, but she'd stay on bedrest until the baby comes. He and Denise are goin' to Porterville to check on Susan Trevors and they seem to be lookin' forward to the trip. If we need a doctor, his brother will be ready to come down from Cheyenne.

The first mares for breedin' are comin' today. Chrissy calendared this for only eighteen days instead of twenty-one and the price is less. I'm surprised that Heyes is on the porch waitin' for them, not hidin' as he did last year. These are new ranches we are dealin' with. The first to arrive was MaryBelle from the Low River ranch in Nebraska. She's an average lookin' muddy brown horse with intelligent eyes. Her foreman knows his horses and one look at Fall's Destiny and he requested her stud be changed. Since he's a recent addition at Phoenix, we don't have him scheduled, so I was happy to oblige. Heyes didn't say much except 'Hi' but he had all the paperwork ready.

And when the hands from the Moore Ranch in Colorado brought their two mares, Heyes asked me if he could handle it all. He's almost like the Heyes of old, at least here at Phoenix. I'm worried about him as he heads off on his journey

HEYES

It was a good feeling to check in the two mares from the Moore Ranch by myself. Of course, the Kid and Juan were nearby. Once I lost my words when then asked to meet Kid Curry and Hannibal Heyes, but I turned my silence into a little laugh. They were embarrassed when I introduced myself and the Kid stepped forward. But they were so excited to shake our hands that it all worked out well.

I picked the twins up after school at Dr. Arden's office. Jeff Birde saw me coming.

"Heyes, got a big box addressed to Chrissy Curry at the Curry Ranch over at the mercantile. It's from a William Knight."

I said I'd be over to pick it up. If Knight's advance nox is here it's time for me to leave for North Dakota in about a week. I hope I'm ready to handle it.

JED 'KID' CURRY

I'm not as involved with the visitin' mares this year. Juan, as foreman, has taken over most of it and Arnie and Glen have picked it up quickly. Arnie understands horses and they understand him. They actually told Juan about their time in captivity. I'm glad they trust him enough. I always felt it was personal and not my story to tell. But they told Juan about their rescue and made me and Heyes out to be real heroes or somethin'.

There was jobs waitin' in the blacksmith shop but I caught up quickly. I'm workin' on some special projects, too, includin' a silver bracelet for Chrissy like the one I made Mr. Bremerton for his daughter. Been tryin' to work out just the right words. I was thinkin' of askin' Heyes. He's good with flowery things like that but I decided I want to do this myself.

HEYES

It took about two weeks of travel to get to Pembina, North Dakota. I've planned this trip for almost two years, but the time is now. Joy's a year old, and even though she's with child, Chrissy can help the Kid with the logistics of the breeding business and the blacksmith bookkeeping while she's on bedrest. She says she needs to keep her mind busy. And I don't want to be there when this Wm Knight is staying in the house with us. That house is my refuge. I'm recovering here and I don't want to share it with a stranger, no matter how well he can cook.

My first step was a decision me and the Kid went back and forth deciding. I could backtrack to Cheyenne, Wyoming and catch the Cheyenne-Black Hills Stage line to Sturgis, South Dakota. It passed through Deadwood, a place the Kid and I had always avoided. I'd have to rent a horse and find my way through the Black Hills to the far northeastern corner of Pembina, North Dakota. That was my starting point. The stage alone takes over fifty hours for the 300-mile trip. If I add riding to Bridgeport and taking the train to Cheyenne, that's another day.

Or, Lom told us of a different route, but it's for a solo ride it's a long way. I would go up the eastern border of Nebraska, through South Dakota into North Dakota. They're few mountains, only rolling hills that way. But also fewer towns on the only map Jeff Birde could order. Fall's Bells, or 'Bells' as the twins call my horse, will be my only traveling companion. I think she just might be a good companion. She enjoys someone scratching her head and mane and nuzzles against me asking for it.

My first problem was money. I had none. I haven't needed it since I came to the ranch. A condition of my parole was a job and a place to live. The Kid provided both. My job is to keep the books for the ranch and the blacksmith shop and assist in the everyday operations of the ranch. The Kid had told me to take wages for what I did. But I decided that a home at the ranch and board was all I needed. I had no need for money. But now I do.

"Kid, can I borrow some money for my trip?"

"Sure, Heyes, whatever you need. How much do you have saved?"

I couldn't look at him. "Nothing."

"Nothin'? You don't leave the ranch, not to drink or play poker. Or spend it on female companionship. How did you spend it all? Or any of it?"

"I didn't take wages from you; I only recorded room and board. The home and family you have given me are more than enough pay."

I can tell when the Kid is angry, and he is very angry now. "You tellin' me all the work you've done, you never got paid? There's plenty of money. It's not takin' it from me, it's a business. You earned wages. What were you thinkin'?"

I looked down. I don't like the Kid to be mad at me. Even now I've come to understand I need his approval. He has never withheld it. He's been supportive of my recovery and the emotional learning that came with that. I hed to come to accept that my arrogance really was to cover my insecurities. Now I know the difference between pride and arrogance.

"Room and board and a family have been enough for me. If there was something we needed, I used the put away money. Even took that when we first ran to Soteria. What more have I needed?"

"Heyes, sit down," he demanded, pointing to a seat at the kitchen table. I had been sitting there going over the books for the blacksmith shop. It was still an effort to get the Kid to give me all the receipts or what he took in payment. Before she was on bed rest, Chrissy would go through his pockets and give what she found to me. Now, I have to keep reminding him. The Kid was thinking of taking an apprentice, maybe a young ex-con to learn and help. But after our experience with the two parolees, Vance and Arizona, he's not sure. He told me what had happened the last time he visited Matt.

The Kid's special orders are enough to fill all his time and he has gained a reputation as a skilled craftsman. He made a beautiful iron frame for a hall mirror. The customer said it was art in the form of iron. I just thought it looked real nice. He still uses the same mark, a small Colt with a tiny 'c' on all his 'special' items.

I sat where he pointed. He pushed the books over in front of me. I don't understand why he's so angry.

"Now, go back to the day you started and calculate a generous salary for yourself!" he ordered. "And let me know what you come up with."

"But..."

"Heyes, I need you to understand how valuable and needed you are. We built this place together. This is your home, not part of your wages!" He sat down opposite me at the table. I jumped when he pounded his fist on the table. Auntie came in from her garden, looked at the Kid, and walked back out.

Earlier, the Kid had carried Chrissy downstairs for a change of scenery. "Jed, quiet, twins taking a nap. Don't you wake them and Joy." She was angry, too. I don't want her to be angry either.

"I want you to figure out what you should have been takin' out for yourself. Take it. It's your money. We're partners in this place. Me, you, and Chrissy own it together."

I pulled the books towards me but didn't know where to start. I looked up at the Kid and caught his eyes. He looked away. His anger slowly passed but sadness replaced it.

"I really have had no need for any money until now," I said quietly, remembering Chrissy's reminder. "Partner, what you've given me is worth more than money."

He sighed but this time he caught my eyes, and we were quiet for a moment. It's good to be able to communicate this way again. "Didn't mean to lose my temper. Heyes, I hate it when you make yourself less and that's what I feel you're doin'."

"I figure my trip should cost no more than two hundred and fifty dollars and probably half that. How about I take that and we call it even."

I could see him struggling with his emotions. I have started to believe he needs me, too. He feels strongly that prison tried to break us. Make us see ourselves as less than other people. We've talked about it. He's fought against that every day, for himself, for Chrissy, and for me. And he's winning at least for me and Chrissy. "Only if you agree to four hundred dollars and when you come back you pay yourself for all the work you do here.".

"Agreed, partner." I closed the books. "It's time we check on those new mares that came in yesterday."

ASJ*****ASJ

The Kid rode with me for the trip toward the eastern border of Nebraska. Then he insisted on making the turn and riding further north with me. It felt familiar, this traveling together. Setting up camp, we fell into the same comfortable routine of our past. The Kid hunts our dinner. I take care of the horses and gather wood to start the fire. Sometimes I hunt for wild onions. I don't remember everything from my past, our past. Dr. Arden says the memories may come back…or I might just have to live without them. I do remember I used to make the coffee, but the Kid insists on doing it now. He makes decent coffee, but I think I like it stronger. Auntie makes coffee much like the Kid and that's all I've had at home. I'll try stronger coffee when I'm alone on the trail.

"Sure, you want to do this alone, Heyes?" the Kid asked me again when we had ridden north toward South Dakota for a few hours. We'd stopped to water the horses and stretch our legs. I can't sit on a saddle for long hours as I used to.

I put my arm around his shoulders and walked him toward our horses. "I'm scared. But I need to try to do this alone without the protection of my cousin, no matter how well meaning it is."

"Telegram often and if you need anything, help or money. I'll get you whatever you need. Here, hide these in your boots for emergencies." He handed me five double eagle gold coins. "And for luck."

We grasped hands and he said, "Good luck." With a look back and a touch of the brim of his hat, he rode away. And I was alone.

JED 'KID' CURRY

It was hard leavin' Heyes on the trail. I rode farther than either of us had planned. It felt right ridin' together. I'd missed it and enjoyed talkin', just him and me. I was kinda jealous when I turned back toward home. But I'm gonna use these few days travelin' back to Phoenix alone to try and see where I can do better in my life. I must admit it's nice to have some time just to enjoy my own company. Sometimes, no every day, I feel that there are more things to do than I can handle. I'm overwhelmed. I've got to figure out how to get more done. The one thing that's clear is I have to be there for Chrissy and our kids and Heyes and all my family. Family includes Auntie, and the Ortiz family, Glen and Arnie, Matt, Lom and Susan, Ken, and so many of the people of Three Birds. I'll be there whenever they need me. Fall's Glory must know what I'm thinkin' 'cause she turned around and gave me a knowin' look.

"Yes, you're family too, Glory. Think it's time we stop for a break and some water."

I rode home late into the nights and left at the first sign of dawn and made very good time. When I started to draw near to home, I felt the weight of all my responsibilities drop onto me. Worries about leavin' Chrissy when she's on bed rest hit me hard. But she's adjusted to it and commands the household from our room. We have visiting mares. Juan, Glen and Arnie can handle all the breedin' tasks. Scott Birde, Jeff's son, is gonna drop by after school to help with the chores. Smilin' I thought maybe they don't need me anyway.

I don't sleep soundly out here alone. When I was with Heyes, I did. I'm not afraid until I start to dream. In our bed, Chrissy senses when the nightmares form and shakes me gently, wrapping me in her arms. Well, lately with her expandin' figure, she can't do that so she sits against the bedframe and pulls my head into her lap. Her fingers through my hair calms me. Heyes woke me several times from bad dreams when we traveled together. But since I'm alone goin' back, there's no one to wake me. In Yuma prison, I slept little, layin' awake chained to my cot tryin' to control my pain.

Out here on the trail, the weather has been perfect for travelin'. And I'm enjoyin' it, except for sleepin'. Lately, I'm back in the black prison wagon headin' for prison in Yuma. The dark swirlin' thoughts of my concussion are overwhelmin'. The anger, rage and impatience that forced me into solitary for months at a time feels so real. The hard ground under me is the floor of the cell. I'd been whipped before bein' thrown in there and the pain is crushin''. My scream woke me from the bitin' darkness. Took me a moment to understand where I was, safe and free in the dim light of the fadin' campfire. My noise had disturbed Fall's Glory.

I stood up and stretched, rubbin' the scar on the back of my head, smellin' the fresh cool air I had craved while in prison. I can't believe I have everythin' I want. Now I just want to keep it.

The rest of the night I sat restin' against a tree near Glory. Sleep didn't come but a wakin' slumber eased my body and the nightmares.

I took the time in the morning to make coffee, and biscuits to eat with my jerky. I walked further into the trees. I'm bein' watched. After you've been in prison you get a sense when you are bein' watched. But who's watchin' me out here?

HEYES

I wrote my first letter home the day the Kid left. It's short. I never wrote many letters except from prison. And I knew Dr. Arden or the guards read every word of those so I couldn't say what I was feeling. Now I know that the kids and Auntie might read them too so I'll try to be interesting.

Dear Family,

Doing well. Still heading north to my destination. Should be to Pembina in a couple of days. You can reach me there. I'll check for a telegram when I arrive. Michael, make sure you do all your homework.

Heyes

I stopped and made camp long before dark. I told myself it was because Fall's Bells wasn't used to traveling all day. Really, it's because I'm nervous spending my first night out here alone. I picked a spot well sheltered by trees, close to a creek. I'd searched for a while for the perfect place. Here there's a break in the overhead branches that lets me see the sky and the stars. In prison, windows were few and for me spending months in solitary and the dark cell, any glimpse of the sky, night or day, was precious. And to see the stars would lift my morale.

I made the coffee the way I think I used to, brewed strong. The taste brought back good memories but I think I've come to prefer it not as strong. Auntie makes the ideal cup of coffee.

I'm glad the Kid started this trip with me. I would have forgotten the little things about making camp and cooking dinner. I didn't remember that I used to search for wild onions until he suggested we do that. Neither me or the Kid are used to riding all day anymore so we stopped early. Gave us time to talk like we used to. Then, it was which way we was headed and could we find a job. Now it was about the direction our lives have taken.

The second night I told him about all the 'holes' in my memory. That sometimes when he talks about something we did or I said, I have no recollection of it.

"What don't you remember, Heyes?" he asked.

"Don't know that I don't remember something until you start talking about it and say I was there."

"Like?"

"Well, the other night you were telling Auntie and Chrissy about managing a saloon in Wickenburg. It was like you were talking about someone else figuring out how the barkeep was holding back money and making him pay each night to work there. I don't remember that at all. None of it. I've tried to remember but it's just not there."

The Kid was quiet and sad. I could see it in his eyes. "Nothin' about those days? Well, maybe the beatings were good to forget. Anything else?"

"Lots of things. Some really small. I can't remember how my hat got a hole in the crown or my pa's voice."

"It's been so long; I can't remember my pa's voice either unless I'm dreamin'." I could see he was trying to listen in his mind to find that sound but couldn't,

"And Chrissy was telling Auntie about that night you was injured and I took you to Winter's Refuge," I added.

"Don't remember much about that time myself, except the pain." The Kid looked down to where he'd been shot. "Healed okay. Dr. Lewis must have been a decent doctor before he decided to become a bounty hunter."

I had heard the story from the Kid and Chrissy and Juan about how the doctor had tried to capture and then decided to kill Chrissy for an illegal reward on her head. I was trying to survive in general population in prison at the time so I didn't worry about not having that memory.

"You remember anything about our time in Winter's Refuge?" From the Kid's expression he was pushing to see just what I remembered.

"I remember driving there recklessly and hoping I'd taken the right turnoff to the place. And relief when Chrissy took us in. I was so afraid of losing you and over something that was my fault. I just remember that fear. When you were getting better, I remember a little about helping with the horses. It was comforting to brush them and let my mind wander. But not much else. I didn't recognize Juan or Rudy or their pa when he came to Phoenix. First time I remember meeting their ma was at Juan's wedding here. It's one of my memory holes, my mind's made of quicksand and swallows the memories."

"Did Aiden say you'd get them back?"

"No. They're gone. Good thing is a lot of my time in the dark cell is gone, too."

"Sorry, Heyes, I didn't know." He stopped as if wrestling with a question. "If you don't remember something I'm talking about, tell me and I'll stop…"

"No, no, no. I want to hear those things. They're part of my…our lives."

I thought about that conversation again as I made camp alone. Me and the Kid made new memories on this trip that I will remember. I'm keeping the fire stoked and my gun nearby. I didn't sleep much but listened and stared at the stars. And the darkness didn't even try to consume me.

LOM

I'm glad that Dr. Arden is here. He and his wife are staying in my old house on the Porter property. Susan's smiling but feeling poorly. When the doctor examined her, he didn't look happy.

"I never examined the lady before this so it may be normal or she may be scared of me, but her heart beat is not steady. I will have Denise take it a few more times before I draw any conclusions. But I can tell you she is very pale and tired," Dr. Arden told me. His face told me more than his words. He was worried.

"Doctor, how is she?" I asked. I could hear the shake in my voice.

"Honestly, this pregnancy is hard on her. She's not a young mother. She said your midwife here told her she has about eight more weeks. I concur."

"Doctor?" Miss Denise came out of the bedroom.

We all looked her way. I think she wanted to talk to the doctor alone but I'm not leaving. And he knew I was not leaving.

"What is it, Denise?" Dr. Arden asked.

"Ahh…" She looked around.

"You can speak in front of her husband. Did you listen to her heart again?"

"Yes, it's calmer but not steady."

He nodded. "Good. Sit with her. Make her understand how important bed rest is for her. And I believe you said she was a banker?" He directed the last question to me.

"Yes, well, actually she's the president of the Bank of Porterville."

He took a deep breath. "She needs to remove herself from all that immediately. Nothing, do you understand?" His voice was firm.

"I do. Have you told her?" I asked.

"I think she'll listen better to you."