Hello there!

Warning for this chapter: panic attack (yes, again, it's the same as last time but from Stolas' pov).

Enjoy!

Chapter 14 – Mask crack

The week had been good until now, in all honesty. Stolas had purposely avoided anything related to Stella, despite a few things he could still have done, to concentrate on his daughter and his attitude. His efforts probably worked, she seemed less concerned about him, which only reinforced his will to act as normally as he could.

It didn't fully stop the knowledge that Stella could still show up at some point, but it was unlikely enough that Stolas was able to push the idea in the back of his head. He'd worry about it once he'd see her again.

Until then, he was doing everything he could to enjoy this week of reprieve. He was even lucky enough to be called by Blitz, though it was for work reasons again, and not the greatest ones at that.

Still, he was happy to be useful to the imp. Despite his greeting, maybe a bit too much, the assassin hadn't been too phased by his presence, and felt way less distant than when he had to show up at IMP on short notice to help them figure out the crystal's disguises.

But maybe he had pushed everything down a bit too much, a bit too well. The contrast between last week and this one was striking, and probably a bit too sudden for his psyche. Usually, he was good at concealing his depression, but maybe it has been because of the previous week, when he could show it off without worry, or the fact he had to hide it so quickly and never look at it again, but the dark thoughts suddenly escaped and assaulted his mind as he was helping Blitz's crew to look for the missing crystal.

That, just because of one word, used by Stella in the past. An intonation a bit too close to hers. The worst part was maybe that it hadn't even been directed at him, but that "pathetic" had rang in his mind so loudly it muffled everything else, opening gates he hadn't realized he had closed and double-locked.

Everything he had bottled up was threatening to get out and blow his composure away. It was a miracle he was lucid enough to be able to come up with an excuse while repressing everything for as long as he could, somehow managing to stay coherent. He missed the concerned looks cast his way, feeling out of his own mind as he was trying not to flee too fast so as not to draw unwanted attention. He was in that state where he could see everything threatening to flood his brain, surprised it hadn't already, but he could still think and move almost normally, which he would have found impressive if he had been in a normal mental state.

But he wasn't, that was kind of the whole point. He knew this trick wouldn't last long, it wasn't often he was struck with such a powerful wave, and he felt his mask crack even before the portal was fully closed, not able to maintain it any longer no matter all the efforts he put into it.

At least, he made it into his house in time before he could crumble in front of anyone. Now, he had to find a way to do damage control so he could quickly get back to…

"Stolas?"

Oh fuck, no.

Blitz was here too. Blitz had followed him before the portal closed, and he hadn't even noticed. Why? Why of all people…

Shit.

He couldn't break, not now, not with him in the room, but it was too late. The gates were open, he couldn't close them back now, not until everything was done tumbling out.

Despite that knowledge, Stolas still tried to minimize the signs betraying his inner turmoil, to no avail. He could feel his own shaking, his panting, and it was surprising even himself. Usually it was never that bad, he could always hide it somehow, postpone for later like one would do for a task.

He was vaguely aware Blitz was trying to talk to him, but he didn't even know what he was supposedly looking at. The only thing able to cross the clouds in his mind was the mention of his daughter. He clung to that and shook his head, understanding what the imp was asking.

No, it wasn't about Via. She was safe. She was home, or somewhere trusted. He couldn't remember right now, all he needed was to know she was okay. The spell that was still on her told him so, that was all the confirmation he needed.

But he couldn't use her as his lifebuoy. Not when he was loosing his shit with Blitz as a witness, of all people. That was certainly not a side of him he had wanted to show the imp, especially not so soon in their rekindling relationship.

Suddenly, there was a hand on his, making him realize he had leaned on the furniture to stabilize himself. He followed Blitz's lead, only to meet the space of the room where he has been tormented and beaten up last week, and his breathing stopped at the memories, and he stumbled back until there was something to support him, and even like this, his legs gave out under him as he curled into a ball as much as he could, trying to shield himself from everything as flashes assaulted him vividly, pain and snarky remarks, and that one word, circling in his head.

Pathetic, pathetic, pathetic, pathetic.

He was alone in this, it was his nightmare. His punishment, she said, and he wanted to deny it, but he couldn't. Not now. Not with the imp he was failing to protect so close to remind him of his failures, of…

"Maybe I should give you some space? I'll step back if that's what you…"

His hand moved before his brain fully registered the sentence, somehow grasping Blitz's hand without even looking at him.

He couldn't process why the imp was there, but he hadn't fled upon seeing the pathetic state he was in yet. On the contrary, he seemed to try to help. Stolas didn't know why, but even though he was scared it would only drive Blitz farther away, he… Wanted the help. Just once in his life, someone to help him through this. Not to face it alone.

It was selfish, surely. Hell, Blitz was probably just worried he wouldn't be able to bring his daughter and employees back, since without the crystal, Stolas was their only way back. But… He didn't want to think about it right now.

He didn't, but he couldn't help it.

Then, suddenly, there were arms around him, and a tail around his waist, grounding him. Skin brushing against feathers, and yet again, before Stolas could comprehend what was happening, he returned the embrace, clutching at that comforting presence in the hope it would reject the dark thoughts in his mind. It didn't fully work, but it made it… Bearable. The current wasn't as overwhelming as before, it showed in his breathing, but there was still nothing he could do about the shaking, and the clouds were still there, muffling Blitz's words despite the imp talking next to his head.

Some part of Stolas remembered what the shaking was. It wasn't from the panic attack, or at least it wasn't the sole reason for it. It was somatic. He had experienced something similar before, but it was a long time ago, and usually not to that extend. He was better at dealing with it now, or so he thought.

That happened when he was careless at pushing everything down, bottling up too quickly and never letting anything slip even when he knew he should let some pressure off. His body was doing what his brain couldn't, and it was his fault for not doing the right thing sooner.

Now he was stuck like this, trying not to add his shame at letting Blitz see him in such as state pile up on top of everything else, when a vibration disrupted his train of thoughts.

Was that… Was that a purring? But where…?

Oh.

Oh.

Stolas had never heard Blitz purr before. He knew imps could do that, in theory, but the assassin never let his walls down enough to allow himself do to it in Stolas' presence. The owl had ended up forgetting about it, but now, he realized it was probably just because imps do it with close relations when content or relaxed, and Blitz never really was these things around him. Not enough to actually purr.

But then, why now?

Oh… Yes, they could too when distressed, or to help calm down someone else. The latter was probably what applied best to their situation. After all, with the crystal's location currently unknown, Blitz still needed him, again.

At least, he couldn't dwell too much on the subject with the red demon's voice cutting his thoughts.

"You ok in there? Can you hear me?"

Well, he would definitely not say he was ok currently, but he could hear him more easily than before, so he still managed a weak nod, still looking off in space.

"Good. Just, breath okay? Deep and slow, like me."

His breathing didn't feel too bad, but Stolas still obeyed without thinking too much about it, relaying on the sound first to match Blitz's breaths. Then, he was able to relax enough to let his head lean against the wall, watching the imp's chest rise and fall, slow and steady, until suddenly, everything came back into focus.

Then, everything that just happened really caught up to Stolas, and his cheeks flushed an embarrassed red as he tried to put distance between him and Blitz without pushing him away.

"Oh, I'm so sorry Blitz, I didn't mean to… Ah, I mean… I apologize, I didn't want to delay your research of the crystal, and I, er… I'm truly sorry about what just happened, and I'm thankful for your help, but your employees probably need it more than me, and…"

He kept rambling as he turned toward the books he initially came here for. His study was his second choice if he ended up empty handed here, but the book he first read about Asmodean crystals was still here, so it was still an interesting start.

"Really sorry about that, I, uh… Your employees didn't say anything yet? I suppose they would tell you right away if they found it, right? I'll need some time to look through my books, but don't worry, I know which ones may help, it shouldn't take too long! Keep me updated on their side meanwhile? Unless you want to join them to keep searching?"

He still didn't know why the imp choose to follow, but that may lead to speaking about his… Well, less than discreet meltdown, and he'd rather not broach the topic right away, if ever, if he could avoid it.

Finally, he managed to get back on tracks, mustering the courage to look at the imp again as he passed on a question for his employees, Blitz on his phone telling him how they were doing on their side. By the time Stolas was done with the books in his bedroom, neither group had made much progress, and it was becoming worrying.

"You're sure you don't have a way to locate it, even if you didn't, er, mark it from the start?" Blitz asked.

"Sadly no, I am not able to locate such small objects as easily, or I would end up locating all the Asmodean crystals in use, which wouldn't help much either by the time we find out which one is yours", Stolas explained, closing one last book he had already read over.

Blitz pondered for a bit while they moved to the prince's study. He had pushed away his questions for the time being, concentrated on their most pressing matter now that the owl was back to normal. He would be able to question him later, and he definitely would, without waiting for their next encounter this time!

"Maybe I could ask Asmodeus himself, after all, he is the one who makes them, though on such short notice, I am not sure he would be available quickly to answer our questions", Stolas mused as he searched the shelves of his study, which presented way more books than the collection in his bedroom.

Finally, where was some silent search for a while before Stolas swore.

"Oh, I'm such an idiot!"

He put down the book he was reading before magic glowed in his hands, and his eyes shone bright. Blitz raised his glance, curious.

"Did you find a solution somewhere?"

It definitely wasn't Asmodeus, the Goetia hadn't texted him yet, though Blitz now realized it may be faster for him to just call Fizz… If the jester wasn't busy performing.

"Remember when I said I can locate magical objects such as Asmodean crystals? I just have to search the area you have been working in in the human world, that is perfectly doable, and less tiring too. Now, I'll just need to know where exactly you have been to narrow down the search."

"Oh, see the town we were close to on Earth? Just search the whole town and the fields around."

Stolas nodded, like if it was that simple, and the magic glowed brighter.

"Er… That's not too big of an area for you?"

"Don't worry, it's fine, I'm looking for a trace of magic. Humans don't use magic, so it should be easy to spot, even coming from a small object."

Blitz nodded, even if he wasn't sure Stolas saw it, and let the owl continue his spell. Despite what he said, overlooking such a vast location probably took time and energy, and he knew better than to be too impatient. He was also kind of afraid to unwillingly launch the prince back in some negative spiral, not knowing what may trigger it, so he tried to be careful with his attitude.

He took a sit on the stairs while Stolas worked his magic, still standing, but after a while, and checking up on the others, who were still drawing a blank, Stolas didn't look like he was doing much better either. After some time, Blitz had taken to look a bit more closely than needed. Not that he could really comprehend what the Goetia was doing with his magic, he just felt the need to make sure he wasn't going to panic again or something.

He waited a bit more, and again, and again, until he couldn't help himself, especially when he noticed the owl started frowning.

"So, you, uh, you're finding anything? It's a small town, there shouldn't be that much Asmodean crystals there, surely?"

"That's… That's the problem." Stolas finally admitted as the magic stopped. "I checked several times, even expanding the area, but I couldn't find a single one. Walls and such shouldn't block a magical imprint, and I even checked below the city. There's nothing."

"Wait… Does that mean we… Broke it when we lost it? That's… Not supposed to happen? Right? I thought they're made of a… Well, not exactly unbreakable material, but still tough."

"Indeed, there are very few physical ways to destroy and Asmodean crystal, most ways involve magic. It seems therefore very unlikely that you destroyed it by loosing it, and even if humans found it, they shouldn't be able to either. I checked you and you don't have it either…"

"Hey, I went through my pockets already!"

"Sorry darling, better safe than sorry. Which, if I'm not mistaken, leaves only one option…"

"Oh yeah, lemme guess! Asking the big man for a new one, right?" Blitz sighed.

"Not yet!" The prince smiled as he opened a new portal.

Both demon stepped through, before Blitz blinked before the place they just entered.

"Why are we back at IMP? Are you hoping we'll remember who had it if we do some kind of reconstruction of how we left? Cause I don't see how it could help, you checked the whole town and ourselves. If humans took it to another town, better expand the area more."

"That's not it, darling", Stolas assured him as he walked past Loona's desk. "Did you leave from here?"

"No, we portaled from the meeting room." Blitz informed him.

Immediately, the owl took that direction, and stopped suddenly after barely a few steps inside. Blitz easily slipped next to him, mumbling.

"You don't need to block the door to check the place you know, just move forward a bit more and you'll have the perfect view… What?"

Worry was almost starting to come back, seeing how still the owl was. But suddenly, he pointed something with his finger. Following his gaze, Blitz tried to find what had caught his attention, before he almost choke on his next breath.

There, on the table of the meeting room, was the Asmodean crystal they've been looking for.

"The fuck?! How did it get back there?! Is it a magical feature or something?"

"No, it's not", Stolas answered, and there was a hint of something in his voice, behind the calm.

"Then what?" Blitz asked before realization slowly settled in. "Wait… You don't mean to tell me we crossed… Without it?"

"It appears so", the prince confirmed, and the imp could definitely hear the glint of mockery in his voice this time.

"That's not possible! How would the disguises have worked then?"

"You simply put them on before crossing, right? You need the magic to put them on, but the crystal doesn't need to stay close for the disguise to stay, or it wouldn't be able to keep the three of you transformed, especially when you're away from each other. All you need to do is to know how to remove it, but you don't need the crystal for that."

"Fucking… So the person who opened the portal just left it behind without thinking?!"

"You all did, it probably wasn't far away from the portal itself", Stolas reasoned.

"Well, I don't look behind and I'm often first to jump in!" Blitz defended.

He typed on his phone to ask for the others to gather somewhere, since they split up to check where they went in town to kill their targets separately to look for the crystal.

"I don't think it really matters who forgot it, as long as you don't do it again", Stolas wisely pointed out.

"Yeah, okay, I won't try to say it was probably Moxxie!" Then, Blitz mumbled to the side: "But it was probably Moxxie."

Before Stolas could react to that more than with a snort, the imp turned toward him, deciding that until the others were in place to be portaled back, now was as good a time as ever to brush… Delicate topics.

"So… Since you seem to be doing better, care to enlighten me? What made you panic like that earlier? Calm down, you don't need to explain if you don't want to or anything, I just want to know the trigger so we can avoid it, ok? Because I keep thinking of when you showed the first signs, and I just don't understand what started your panic attack, and I'd rather know what can trigger one, you know, to help before it gets out of hands. Plus, it's not exactly a great way to thank someone who came to save our asses than to make him panic."

At first, Stolas went stiff, looking distressed even without the white dot in his main eyes, but Blitz's long rant seemed to help him settle down, and he even smiled by the end of it.

"And don't you dare apologize again!" Blitz added as Stolas was opening his beak to speak. The owl lifted his hands in surrender.

"I promise! Don't worry, it won't happen again. It was very… Situational and unlucky. I'd rather not explain myself further right now though…"

"It's fine!" Blitz assured before Stolas could come up with excuses or reasons for it. "But just in case, next time you feel the start of one, you can tap my shoulder or something to tell me, so we can find someplace alone and quiet to help you calm down. Do you have any tips by the way? I think I found some that works, but you probably know better than I do how to calm yourself down in these cases."

"Oh, well… Getting somewhere calm and out of sight is a good start as you said. For the rest, you figured out by yourself quite well! I'm not used to having someone by my side, I usually deal with these alone, and they aren't that bad most of the time, so… Thanks."

There was something so genuine and grateful in that simple word that it made Blitz's insides warm.

"Oh, uh, you're welcome! Glad I could help! I know a couple of people who have to face those sometimes, so I already know of some tips."

"Indeed", Stolas smiled.

Before Blitz could blush with the look the Goetia was sending him, he turned back to his phone almost at the same time it rang with a text from his employees saying there were ready.

"Ah, time to bring everyone back home!"

He wouldn't learn anything more for the time being, but Stolas implied he was used to panic attacks, as Blitz expected, and he filled that fact with a few others to question further later. Right now, he had two imps to scowl at, mainly the white haired one, because there was no way his daughter was responsible for this mistake.

Obviously, it had nothing to do with him suddenly remembering he had put the gem down rather than pocketing it after opening the portal earlier to grab a few more items before rushing in. No, absolutely nothing at all!

15/05/2024

So, the next chapters will have even heavier stuff than before, I'd rather warn you. I'll still put the warnings at the start of the chapter, of course.

Until then, see you!