Episode 38:

"The Mysterious Ghostly Bell Chimes!
Maomaolin Cries Out"

FEATURED VOICE TALENT:
ROB TINKLER as Ranma
ALYSON COURT as Ranko
CAMERON ANSELL as Kenma
TABITHA ST. GERMAIN as Shampoo
TERRI HAWKES as Akane
HARVEY ATKIN as Genma
DAVID HEMBLEN as Soun
CREE SUMMER as Nabiki
TRACEY MOORE as Kasumi
MARILYN LIGHTSTONE as Nodoka
JEANNIE ELIAS as Atsuko
SUNNY BESEN THRESHER as Akimitsu
and JOHN STOCKER as Maomaolin

It was a dark, stormy night…and for reasons I can't quite piece together, Akane chose that night to watch a horror flick.

"Now in Splat-O-Vision: for when you crave gore, and just want more," Nabiki commented dryly.

At that point, Kasumi got up from the table. "Nabiki, could you help me out in the kitchen?" she asked.

"Huh? Mm, okay," the middle sister replied as she followed her elder out of the room.

"Wait a second." Akane called out. "Aren't you gonna stay and watch the movie with me?"

"I'm sorry, Akane. But those dishes won't wash themselves." Kasumi responded.

"You're not scared, are you, Akane?" Nabiki smugly asked as she left.

Putting down his newspaper, Soun looked over. "So, Saotome, how about some chess?" he asked.

"Sounds like a plan, Tendo!" Genma replied as he got up.

Akane blinked. "Dad, aren't you going to watch with me?" she asked.

"If it scares you so much, sweetie, just turn it off," said Soun.

"The master can't get enough of that stuff," added Genma.

Nodoka and Atsuko poked their heads in through the dojo entrance.

"Tell you what…if it helps, we'll watch with you," said Nodoka.

"Yeah, I haven't seen one of these in a long time!" Atsuko chimed in.

"Eh, I'll stay up, too." Akimitsu said. "My schedule's pretty clear."

"I was going to suggest watching with Ranma, but alright," Soun shrugged as he left.

"Would've been better…" muttered Genma, only to receive a smack in the head. "OW! What was that for?!"

"You know what," Soun retorted.

So the four sat down to watch their scary movie, while Ranma and Kenma were upstairs, playing Contra 3 on their new Super Famicom [yet another present for their birthday].

"Stay close to me, Ken. Here comes the platforming section!" Ranma advised.

"I'm staying! I'm staying!" Kenma exclaimed as he tried to keep up.

"Phew! I'm sweatin', who knew video games could be so fun and make you work up a sweat?" Ranma asked as he was having fun.

"Toldja you were missing out, bro!" Kenma responded. "There are other ways to have fun and enjoy yourself besides martial arts!"

And then came a tiny sound…

brring-brring~

KRASH!

A familiar bicycle came flying through the window, smashing through the glass as it did.

"Whuh-oh…" said Kenma. "I know that bicycle!"

Standing on the bicycle was none other than Shampoo, bearing a smile and something in her bag.

"Nihao, Kenma! I'm back from China!" she beamed.

"Nihao right back, Shamp." said Ranma. "But couldn't you have used the door?"

"That's not important," replied Shampoo as she put her bag on the futon. "Take a look at what I brought!"

Inside was a tiny yellow bell…and another bell that looked identical, but it was the size of a bowling ball.

"Okaaaay…so what's with the bells?" Kenma asked.

"Also, how did you get your bike and the bells in here? We're on the 2nd floor!" Ranma groaned as he picked some glass out of his hair.

"Easy! I made a ramp and rode up it." Shampoo replied. "As for the bells…this big one is the legendary bell, Maomolin."

"So whaddo I do with it, wear it on my neck like I'm Flava Flav?" Kenma asked. "Attach a chain to it and wear it on my leg like a shackle?"

"Well, it matches with my small one," Shampoo replied. "So if you keep it, it means we're destined to be married!"

"Y'know, most people just go out n' buy an engagement ring," said Ranma.

"Not that I don't appreciate it!" Kenma chirped. "It's just that I wouldn't know what to do with something like this! I mean, it would make for a decent conversation piece, at least…"

"Just hold on to it for a while, alright?" the amazon girl urged. "Keep it safe."

"Well…okay," nodded Kenma. "I'll do it for your sake."

"Xièxiè, Airen," Shampoo said as she kissed him on the cheek.

Naturally, this prompted Kenma to blush and wag his tail.

Later that night, however, the bell jingled a little while the wind started to pick up some outside.

Akane was asleep in her bed when she heard it jingling in the distance. "Hm? What was that?" she asked herself. "... must've imagined it…"

As she went back to bed, something creaked on the floorboards as it tiptoed across the hallway.

Closer and closer it came to Akane's room, gradually drawing further and further towards it.

Eventually, Akane looked up from her bed, and saw the bell, floating in the darkness.

And above the bell were two massive, yellow eyes that shone like the headlights on a hot rod.

Then from the shadows came an echoing, yowling voice:

"BE…MY…BRIDE…"

Moments later, Akane came screaming down the hallway. She kicked open the door and bashed Ranma's head in with the giant bell.

"Ow! Bell to the head!" Ranma blurted out.

"Gah! Five more minutes!" Kenma shouted in the bed next to his brother, waking up from a great dream involving Nabiki, Shampoo, and a very steamy shower. "What is it now?!"

"Why did you two scare me like that?!" Akane shouted.

"First off, keep your voice down." the ponytailed boy said while rubbing his eyes. "Second off, what did we do to you?"

"Don't play dumb with me!" Akane retorted.

Kenma had to bite his tongue and not make any remarks at Akane's expense at that moment.

"Who's playin' dumb?" retorted Ranma. "I was sleeping like a rock until you came screaming in!"

"That's not what I remember!" the tomboy insisted.

"Then what, pray tell, DO you remember?" asked Kenma.

One explanation later!

"So lemme get this straight…" Ranma said, pinching the bridge of his nose. "...I came into your room and pretended to be a phantom? Am I reciting this correctly?"

"That's exactly what happened, yes." Akane confirmed.

"One problem with that, Akane." the older Saotome brother stated. "I was sleeping."

"And I was sleeping right next to him!" Kenma added.

"Oh, and I suppose the bell just got up and talked all by itself then?!" asked Akane.

Kenma gave her a flat glance. "This is Nerima, weird shit happens all the time here," he retorted. "And if I were to sneak into someone's room, it would be Nabiki's for—I should stop talking before I say anything incriminating."

Akane decided to ignore that statement. "So you're saying you didn't sneak in and propose to me?" she asked.

"Of course not, why?" asked Ranma. "Besides, you have a boyfriend, remember?"

"Oh yeah, that's right." the tomboy said, feeling very sheepish.

"Could it really be true, Ranma?" asked Genma as he casually invited himself into the conversation. "Do you really want Akane to be your bride?"

"I'd rather shoot myself in both feet and give up martial arts before even fathoming such an idea," Ranma bluntly stated as he glared at Genma. "In other words, absolutely, positively, beyond a shadow of a doubt…N…O…NO!"

"Well, he couldn't be much clearer than that, if you ask me," Kenma commented.

"So then if it wasn't you, then WHO?!" Akane exclaimed.

"I dunno, ask the freakin' bell!" Ranma remarked.

"Bells can't talk!" retorted Akane.

And then, they heard it again. "Be my briiiiide~!" came a high-pitched voice.

"...well, apparently that one CAN," Kenma pointed out.

"Maybe this will shut it up!" Soun said as he grabbed a spear and thrusted it at the bell. Ranma quickly ducked down to avoid it, but the bell went upwards.

"What the?!" Genma exclaimed as the bell started to float away.

"It's gettin' away!" Ranma called out before pursuing.

"Halt, Bell!" Soun commanded while chasing after it with his spear.

And so they ran after it as it flew into the hall. By now, Kasumi, Nabiki, Jinn, Tsubasa and Akimitsu had been awakened by all the noise.

"No overgrown hunk of tin is gonna scare ME!" Ranma exclaimed as he kept up the pursuit.

He then jumped up and kicked the bell into the wall, as it fell to the floor. As soon as it hit the ground, a foreign aura began to seep from within it, taking shape in the hallway.

"Looks like we're about to see its true form!" Kenma exclaimed.

"Good, I need to see what I can deck in the mouth for wakin' me up!" Ranma responded as he stomped towards the bell. "Show yourself, will ya?"

The formless substance began to take shape as Ranma grabbed part of it, which also took shape in his hands.

"Meeeow…!" Standing before everyone was a giant white cat with glowing yellow eyes, as it reached the ceiling of the hallway.

"GAAAAAAHHH!" Ranma screamed in response to the ghost cat right in his face. Granted he has come a long way from working on his ailurophobia with Ukyo's help…but a giant ghost cat was NOT something he was prepared to ever encounter.

"A…giant cat?" Soun asked, befuddled.

"PLEASE, DON'T HURT ME!" whimpered the feline spectre.

At this, Nabiki threw her hands up. "I'm going back to bed," she said, then turned and left the hallway.

"I'll join you!" Kenma called. "Sufferin' succotash…"

YET ANOTHER EXPLANATION LATER…

"Oh, such heartbreak…seeking your lost bride!" Soun commented, wiping his eyes.

The older Saotome brother was, of course, still paralyzed with fear.

"I'm sorry I scared him, I was looking for a girl who might be holding a little bell!" insisted the giant bakeneko.

Akane raised a brow. "A bell?" she asked.

Kenma's eyes shot open, as he remembered that Shampoo had a bell just like that.

"So it's some sort of charm that brings couples together?" asked Akane.

Maomaolin nodded eagerly. "It's a charm, alright…to bring a girl together with me~!" he gushed gleefully.

Kenma shrugged coolly. "Well, sorry, whiskers!" he said. "Don't know anyone with one of THOSE around here! Not for miles and miles and…"

K-K-KRAK…!

BOOM!

Shampoo immediately crashed through the wall on her delivery bicycle. "Someone ordered Chinese?" she asked.

Kenma sighed. "...a toast to my big fat mouth," he remarked.

"I figured this would be one of those 'all-nighter' situations," Kasumi said, having put on some coffee.

Atsuko nodded. "Good on you for being considerate, Kasumi," she responded.

Shampoo set the food down, collected the money from Soun, and glanced to the left. "...do you know there's a giant cat in here?" she asked.

"No, but if you hum a few bars, I'll gladly sing along!" Kenma said with a yawn.

The enormous cat noticed that Shampoo had the bell on, and immediately leapt towards her. "THERE SHE IS…MY BRIDE-TO-BE!" he exclaimed, his arms outstretched.

And so he was greeted with a kick to the face for his troubles, knocking him right on his fluffy backside.

"No way! The only pussy I'm interested in is this one!" the chinese amazon declared, pointing to Nabiki, who was still a little sleepy.

"Real sweet, Shamps…" she replied. "If I was more awake, I'd show you how much I appreciate it."

Maomaolin sniffled, feeling utterly distraught. "Y-you mean, you don't want to marry me…?" he whimpered.

"Let's see, how can I put this simply?" asked Shampoo as she walked over and opened his left ear. "NO! NO! N-O, SPELLS NO!" she bellowed, leaving the oversized cat rattled.

"Is…is there…SOMEBODY ELSE?!" Maomaolin blubbered.

"Two others, actually," said Shampoo as she took Nabiki by one hand, and Kenma in the other.

Maomaolin's yellow eyes lit up. "Well, if that's the case…if I defeat him, then you'll marry me!" he grinned.

"Why am I suddenly getting Deja Vu?" Akane muttered to herself from what the ghost cat just proclaimed. As she heard it before from Kuno.

Kenma raised a brow. "So…the bad ol' puddy-tat wants to fight, eh?" he asked.

"That's right, monkey boy!" sneered Maomolin, putting his paws up menacingly. "I hereby challenge you for Shampoo's hand in marriage."

Kenma rolled his eyes, before he did a little sigil with his hands. "Transformation," he said simply.

BA-KOOM!

In a puff of smoke, where Kenma previously stood, there was now a massive bull terrier sitting in his place.

"Woof," he said casually, flashing a mouthful of sharp teeth.

"NYAAHHH!" the spectral feline bellowed as he was almost scared back to life. Immediately, Kenma started barking and growling loudly to scare Maomolin away.

"This isn't over!" the ghost cat declared as he retreated back into his bell. "She will be my bride, you hear? She will!"

"Ah, stuff it in your litter box!" Kenma called as the bell floated out the door and off into the night.

Aki was the first one to speak up. "Great, now that that's all worked out, back to bed." he yawned.

Nabiki grabbed Kenma by the tail and pulled him away. "This is non-negotiable," she told him as she pulled him back upstairs. "You owe me snuggles."

"I can work with that!" Kenma grinned. "Goodnight, folks!"

"Hey! Room for one more?" Shampoo called as she scurried upstairs with an overnight bag.

"I gotta be dreamin' already~" Kenma smirked. "Don't bother pinching me, I don't wanna wake up!"

"Ooo~! This night just got even better!" Nabiki said with a smirk.

"I really hope they'll be quiet…" Kasumi yawned. "C'mon, Jinn. Time for bed."

"Hear, hear," yawned the genie as he followed Kasumi back to her room. Soun glanced over, his eyes wide.

Before he could protest, Atsuko grabbed his shoulder. "She's a grown woman. If something happens, it happens," she told him. "Now do us all a favor, and go the fuck to sleep."

"But—but…" Soun began, before he gave in. "Oh, alright."

So with that, everyone went back to bed.

The next day, it was dark and cloudy.

"It'll be evening in a few hours," commented Atsuko. "And that cat'll come again, like he said he would."

"I'll be ready for him, this time." Ranma stated. "No cat, no matter how big is gonna scare Ranma Saotome."

"You say that now, but the second you hear a meow, you'll be cowering and quivering," replied Nabiki.

"Ah, what do you know, Nabiki?" Ranma retorted.

"I know how you are," Nabiki shot back. "And to think, all this trouble caused by a little bell. If it was up to me, I'd flush it down the toilet and let him follow it there."

"And why DIDN'T you?" Ranma retorted.

"Because Shampoo could and would break my arms~" Nabiki responded.

"Oh. Well, that's a fair point," Ranma commented, remembering how relentless Shampoo was when she hunted him all through China.

A few more hours passed by until they gave way to nightfall.

The bell came flying in, and materialized into Maomaolin once more.

"Guess who's back~!" he declared. "I've come for my rematch!"

Kenma looked up from the TV. "...huh? Oh, it's you," he said, very dismissive.

"Well? Aren't you gonna get into your fighting stance?" the cat inquired.

Kenma yawned. "That would imply I see you as a threat," he replied. "And in that regard, I'd be lying through my teeth."

"But…if you don't defeat me, Shampoo will be mine," the ghost cat pleaded.

"So? That won't make her like you," Kenma replied. "She's still gonna hate your guts.

"But she'll still be mine. Mine to do as I please with!" Maomaolin responded.

"Ohh, that's so cute that you think she's going to let you do anything to her," Kenma said in a condescending manner. "Stupid, but cute."

"Don't you mock me!" fumed Maomaolin.

Kenma shrugged. "Hey, I'm a mocker. I mock!" he insisted. "And you, itty-bitty-kitty, are very mockable."

"Well then, I'll just give you some proper motivation!" the enormous feline stated as he reverted back to his spirit form, then flew right into Genma's mouth! As the fat man struggled, he suddenly opened his eyes, which had slit pupils.

And then he let out an eerie yowl as he got into a fighting stance.

"Nyahahaha! I've taken control of your father's body!" Maomaolin cackled wickedly. "Now you've got a reason to take me on! But the question remains—how can you beat me without hurting your father?"

Kenma looked up…and suddenly, he began to tremble. "I just…I just don't know…how…I'm going to…keep myself from enjoying this so much!" he exclaimed.

"Nya? Say what now?" the spirit said, shocked.

Kenma chuckled wickedly as he cracked his knuckles and wound his arms up. "The one problem is, I can't decide how to do it! Should I thwomp ya? Or should I blast ya?" he smirked. "Oooh, decisions, decisions!"

"Just save some, Ken!" Ranma said. "I've been waiting to kick this guy's tail."

"Don't jump the gun!" Kenma retorted. "I haven't even decided yet!"

"You'd really hit your own father?" Maomaolin asked in bewilderment.

"Yup," Kenma replied. "Wouldn't even hafta pay me. I mean, it'd be really cool if you DID pay me, cuz then I'd have money for it. But still."

"This isn't going as well as I'd hoped…" remarked Maomaolin.

"What was your first clue?" Ranma smirked.

Kenma shrugged. "Well, you know what they say about the best-laid plans of mice-eaters and men!" he remarked, before he delivered a ferocious windmill punch to his chin, knocking Maomaolin into the air and right on his back.

"I got next!" Ranma said before running over to his possessed father and jumping onto his stomach, knocking the wind out of his sails.

"Alright, I've decided!" Kenma said as he started battering Genma's face with punches. "First I soften him up—THEN I BLAST HIM!"

"Uh-oh! My only hope is to go into Shampoo's body!" the ghost cat said as he exited Genma's body and flew towards Shampoo.

Of course, Shampoo simply kicked his bell into the wall.

"OWWW!" whined the feline as he headed for the nearest open window and floated outside.

"Had enough?" Kenma asked.

"Not even close!" Maomaolin said as he rematerialized. "And since I can't have Shampoo, I just have to find another bride."

"Well, you better scat, cat, before you get your fur torn off, and you find yourself mew-tered," Kenma retorted.

The giant cat gasped in horror. "You wouldn't!"

"Whatever it takes to get you out of here!" Kenma retorted. "For some reason, my girl's attached to that bell. I don't know WHY, but it means SOMETHING to her. And she's not interested in you, man, so just get outta here. Leave us alone, and don't EVER come back!"

"Oh, alright! You win!" whined Maomaolin, as he returned to the bell and floated away. "I'll go, I'll go!"

Kenma sat outside and watched him go. "Good riddance…to bad ol' puddy tats," he remarked.

Shampoo immediately raced outside and glomped Kenma. "Ooh, way to go, Kenma!" she beamed. "You fought to save the one you love!"

"Just a minute!" Kenma said, jutting a finger in Shampoo's face. "You're not off the hook either, young lady!"

"Huh?" She was caught off guard by this. "What's wrong, Kenma?"

"What's wrong is that you never bothered to do any research on that giant bell after you found it!" Kenma responded. "So basically, it was YOUR shortsightedness that led to that obnoxious feline being here!" [AUTHOR'S NOTE: In the original version of the episode, Ranma tried to call Shampoo out on what she did, but she got off scot-free. Not in this one, cowpokes.]

"Yeah! Couldn't you have cracked open a book or two?" his brother asked.

"Shamps, I love you. But they're both right." said Nabiki.

"Hehehehe! I guess I could've done a little research." the amazon nervously chuckled. "At least, I know now."

"And knowing is half the battle!" Ranma and Kenma exclaimed.

Ran-ma~

AUTHOR'S NOTE #2: We apologize for this one being so short. Chalk that up to Maomaolin being such a nothing-burger of an antagonist. He's a regular wussywillow. He puts the "pussy" in "pussycat", is what I'm saying. Barely even registers as a threat. So naturally, we were pretty bored doing this one.

ANYWAYS…ONTO THE NEXT EPISODE PREVIEW!

Soun's decided to make good on his promise…and get back into the dating game. So imagine his surprise when an old flame from his training days comes back into his life! But let's just say she might not be all-too-stable…can Soun make it out by the skin of his teeth?

Next time on Ranma ½:

"The Claws of Romance?!
Enter Luna, of the White Lotus"

Yeah, we're basically doing that one Boondocks episode with that lady who was raised by wolves. This was in the plans since season 2, guys.

Anyways, we'll see you there. Hopefully we have more fun doing that than this one.