AN: I needed something a little lighter to write, so I came up with this
Severus Snape took pride in defying norms. It was why he dressed as he did, lived amongst muggles as he did, and had Monopoly Monday with his dentists.
Every Monday, Severus would invite his dentists into his home. Sometimes he would make them a meal, though most evenings they simply ordered pizza, a food Severus would never admit to liking as much as he did. Then they would pull out the Monopoly board, set it on his kitchen table, and play for a few hours. It was a Monday ritual which had began as a thank you present for helping their family out of a horrible situation, and had become the highlight of his week.
Well, one of the highlights of his week. There were other parts of the week which were just as pleasant, not that Severus ever dared to admit them to himself. Thinking about those highlights would only leave to pain. They would not last forever, though he vowed to enjoy them while he could. Best to focus on his dentist friends and pretend no other visitors ever graced his door.
To Severus' left sat a woman, still frowning from being taken to the cleaners from landing on Pacific Avenue. She had traded the property claiming the greens were useless and too pricy to build upon. He rather liked the greens since they were expensive with only a couple of houses. Tonight proved his point.
Her husband sat beside her, scratching his chin. Was it worth buying another house on Boardwalk? Severus was heading for the property, but it would take another roll or two. The Boardwalk card had already been drawn as well, meaning that would be no help. In the meantime, he was heading for Illinois Avenue, which had one of Severus' new shiny hotels. That card was still in play too.
"Are you going to roll the dice?" Severus drawled, leaning back in his creaking wooden chair.
"Hold on a minute," the man snapped before depositing $200 into the bank and placing a house onto Boardwalk. Then, he rolled the dice.
Seven. He wasn't going to land on Illinois Avenue, but he would land on Indiana Avenue.
Severus had no complaints.
"Shit," the man muttered as he moved his pewter dog onto the property.
"Wilford," the woman hissed. "What have I told you about using such language in public?"
"This is hardly public, Muriel," he growled. "Severus knows us well enough to tolerate a little harsh language, especially when he's smirking like that."
"That doesn't mean he needs to hear cursing."
"There is no need to apologize for him," Severus smirked as Wilford shook his head and began removing houses from his properties, including the one he'd just bought on Boardwalk. "Lucius says and does far worse when he spends more than $500 on a property. He becomes quite irritated when he must begin liquidating assets."
"Do I want to know how he reacts to mortgaging his properties?" Muriel asked.
"Let's just say I have never brought my first edition Monopoly board around him, not after he blasted my London Monopoly into oblivion after being the first one out."
"I apologize for him being such a spoiled sport," Muriel answered as Wilford began turning over his territories. "Nobody should destroy property over a game."
"I've grown accustomed to his temper tantrums over losing muggles games," Severus replied.
"Is he always such a spoiled sport?"
"On a good day he's a sore loser, but muggle board games amplify this tendency."
"Is he that competitive?"
"That, and he believes anything that isn't magic must be simple, and anything involving money must be simpler. He can scarcely comprehend that you cannot manipulate a rulebook the way you can a politician."
"Indeed," Wilford sighed before handing Severus $1050.
"Thank you," Severus smiled as he felt the cash between his hands. Even if it was worn, it felt so new. Victory was always a sensation worth savoring.
"I apologize for being a little out of sorts," Wilford sighed. "I'm too distracted to play this game properly."
"Do you mean to tell me a few bad rolls are due to a recent laughing gas shortage?"
"I wish a laughing gas shortage was my only problem," Wilford shook his head. "That would be more pleasant than dealing with my daughter's idiot boyfriend."
"What's he done now?" Severus raised an eyebrow.
"My daughter thinks he's getting ready to propose to her."
"That is unfortunate." Severus scanned the board ignoring the pang in his chest. Did he dare get aggressive and increase the houses on the yellow properties from one to three?
"I don't get it," Wilford leaned forward. "She's a brilliant woman who excels academically. When it comes to men though, I swear each one is worse than the last."
"To be fair, she's only had two boyfriends," Muriel interjected.
"And neither has been worth anything. I mean, the Bulgarian wanted her to spend the summer with him. She was fifteen. Fifteen!"
"That does sound inadvisable, and much too forward," Severus put $900 into the bank, grabbed six houses and put them on the yellow properties.
"If she gets engaged to this boyfriend, she's going to marry into his uncouth, loud, obnoxious family, which is the last thing either of us needs," Wilford replied.
"It isn't about what we need," Muriel put a hand on his shoulder. "It's about what she needs."
"She needs better taste in men," Wilford argued.
"Your daughter is an intelligent woman. She will see through her boyfriend's shenanigans soon enough." Severus rolled a ten. While he wasn't thrilled to pay the Luxury Tax, he was fine with missing Boardwalk, which still had one house.
"How certain are you of that?" Wilford asked.
"An intelligent woman like her will see reason eventually."
"Would that be before or after she walks down the aisle? Will she see reason before or after she has his babies? How much will a divorce attorney demand she pay in order to see reason?"
"Admittedly, even the wisest amongst us falls into terrible decision making from time to time," he moved the thimble to the space and put $75 into the center of the board.
"She needs a push," Wilford scratched his chin. "Or at least a window into what she could experience if she was with the right man."
"Wilford," Muriel's voice was a warning.
"She needs someone to treat her well," his eyes lit up. "Someone who has helped her in the past, someone she can trust, someone who will make her feel special."
Severus raised an eyebrow.
Wilford snapped his fingers. "She needs you."
"Excuse me?" Severus' eyes grew.
Even Muriel's mouth hung open.
"Yes," Wilford's eyes lit up. "She needs you to treat her well for an afternoon, to show her how a gentleman behaves."
"Do you have any idea who I am?" Severus burst out. "I treat you well because I like you."
"And you've proven time and time again you like her."
"Yes, but I am shite at dealing with most women, Muriel being an exception."
"I'm flattered," her lips curled upwards.
"You are an easy woman to get along with, a fact I am thankful for every day," he answered.
"If you can get along with Muriel, you can be a gentleman around our daughter."
Severus twisted his lips.
"C'mon, it won't be too difficult. You can hold the door open for her, show some interest in her activities, discuss books with her, and overall show her a good time."
"You want me to pretend to date your daughter?"
"You don't need to pretend to date her," Wilford answered. "Just treat her well for an afternoon. Be kind enough to her that she sees how a gentleman should treat her. Let her know there are options other than her idiot boyfriend. Once she understands what she could have, she'll dump her loser of a boyfriend and find someone worthy of her."
"I hardly think you're daughter is going to agree to spend an afternoon with me. I'm hardly the kind of person who makes social calls. The second I contact her, she'll know something is amiss."
"Why would she think that? She trusts you and enjoys your company, at least enough to leave her coat here last weekend."
"That was a mistake caused from her being too focused on our research to keep track of time. Once she realized she had left it behind, she grabbed it without another moment's thought."
"How long did it take for her to pick it up."
"Two hours."
"Two hours?" Muriel cocked her head.
"Yes," Severus answered. "She was thirsty, so I made her some tea. Apparently she liked it well enough to stay longer than intended."
"Sounds like she enjoys spending time with you."
"No, she enjoys spending time with the great potions master's of old. I'm only the supplier of their books."
"Why doesn't she buy the books herself then?"
Severus rolled his eyes. If Wilford thought any woman other than Muriel could tolerate Severus for any amount of time, he would be bitterly disappointed. Monopoly Monday would be a thing of the past if he realized how shite Severus was around women, especially those he held any kind of affection for.
"He has a point," Muriel answered. "It would be nice to see my daughter smiling during a family event for once, not snapping at her boyfriend because he ate the last steak off the grill."
"I still cannot believe he managed to devour three Angus steaks," Severus answered.
"Neither can we," Wilford frowned.
"If she could spend an evening not listening to Quidditch scores or how she isn't his mother, she'd appreciate that too," Muriel continued. "She'd love to be valued for who she is, not who she should be."
"While I sympathize with your plight, I am afraid I would be useless in this situation," Severus warned. "Your daughter only visits me for the purpose of research. I have never called her to socialize, and I doubt she'll ever do the same to me."
"Not with that bum of a boyfriend around she won't," Wilford admitted.
"What if we told you that there was an opportunity for you to show her how a gentleman behaves that wouldn't involve you calling upon her?" Muriel asked.
He twisted his lips. "What would that be."
"My birthday is this Saturday," Muriel continued.
"Happy early birthday."
"Thank you," she grinned. "We are having a large barbie in celebration."
"Yes," the gleam returned to Wilford's eyes. "You can drop in, talk to our daughter like a person, perhaps show her the benefit of dining with someone who has decent table manners, make her laugh with that dry wit of yours, and she'll realize she could do better than her idiot boyfriend."
"It would be a completely natural way for you two to meet. You don't need to make a social call, you can spend time with my daughter, and you'll get to have one of my famous steaks."
Severus blinked. Where these people secretly Slytherins? If so, how did two muggles manage to infiltrate that house, and how did their daughter not get sorted in it along with them?
"What do you say?" Wilford extended his hand. "Do you agree to come and show my daughter an excellent time?"
Severus glanced at his hand. "Are you making your famous ribeye steak?"
"I'll make an extra one just for you."
"I do love a good steak, and I have been yearning to try yours." Severus took Wilford's hand. "You have a deal. I will give Hermione a weekend she will never forget."
"Good," Wilford's lips curled upwards.
"Indeed," Severus released his hand, wondering what kind of weekend he'd signed up for, and how much it would hurt once all was said and done.