prompt twenty five: troubling thoughts

rate: T for Teens and Up

twenty five out of one hundred.

Seriously, this may be a problem. Wished i could have posted this as a story on it's own but too late for that now. Enjoy! We're still in Lucy's POV. Let me know if you like Natsu's or Lucy's better since this obviously is not the end of their little story. *sigh*

"The past never rests in peace, it is always active, it embraces you, it inspires you, it lies in wait like a lagoon." —Unknown

x

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Lucy is used to rejecting people since she's always had a fanbase since she made it into society at the ripe age of fourteen. She grew into her body a lot quicker than some and while she was a freshman in high school, her body definitely didn't reflect that. She's had boys left and right asking her out on dates and while it was flattering to have someone find her attractive—that was really all that was to it. Her looks got her in the door but sometimes she just wished she wasn't just subjected to her delicate features.

She would have just outright told Natsu to go fuck himself and they were not going to be dating but her mouth moved on it's own and a part of her was glad she didn't have to lie.

The thought of Natsu wining and dining her had been a dream of hers since she was seventeen and to finally know what it would be like to go on a date with Natsu helped heal her inner child.

Of course she spent a lot of time panicking and sweating herself into dehydration but could anyone blame her? She's going on a flippin' date with Natsu Dragneel and there was nobody in this goddamn world that she could rant to about it. They weren't in the position to be caught in whatever the hell they were doing and she didn't think it would be so hard to keep to herself because she was freaking out!

She hasn't even been on a date in nearly four years and having to get dolled up for whatever reason made her want to hurl. Having to think about going on a first date made her want to jump off a bridge even if it was just Natsu. She was having problems with pinpointing this rush of feelings because there is no way in hell she is actually getting butterflies for Natsu and there is no way in hell this wouldn't be weird.

So she did what she normally did when she was overly stressed and worried about something.

Shop.

And the worst thing she could have done?

Buy herself a goddamn dog.

She didn't need a dog, she wanted a dog and while she thought this would be the solution to all her problems (she read a very detailed article about emotional support animals), it wasn't only because she was still freaking out about her date with Natsu. It was about all the emotional support she needed after recent events.

And Natsu seemed to prove her little theory about the dog being an act of impulse as he stood at her door, flowers in his hands, and an odd twisted look to his face as he stared down at the barking pup by her side.

"When did you get a dog?"

"Couple days ago."

"Why?"

"Why not? Are you afraid of dogs or something?"

"Not particularly," his eyes never left the growling dog as he slowly handed her the flowers and stepped into her apartment. "I just don't like crusty white dogs like that who do nothing but bark all day."

"Don't talk about Plue like that!" Lucy gasped, offended and immediately defensive towards her newest addition to her life. "He is an angel and this is his home!"

She ignored the way he snorted at her ridiculous expression but he definitely had no right to come into her home and outright insult her dog. Plue had been nothing but loving since she brought him home and he proved to be a good decision as he kept her company and enjoyed her presence enough to curl up beside her after a long day of protecting the house.

Plue followed her all the way to the kitchen where Lucy found herself a vase to plop her new flowers in and she only knew Natsu was near when she heard Plue start growling. She turned around to see Natsu frozen at the doorway while Plue stood on guard, baring his teeth at the stranger.

"I thought you weren't afraid of dogs?"

"I'm not," he bit out as Plue barked at him. "I don't know what his problem is." He scrunched his nose up at the dog who was back to growling viciously. "Take him back to the pound."

"No way!" She shouted, bending down to scoop the pup in her arms. "He's perfect. Aren't you the cutest little thing in the world?" She cooed at the yapping dog that was no longer growling but wagging his tail as he happily licked at her face. "Maybe he just doesn't like you."

"That's fine," Natsu had come closer, the same scrunched up expression on his face as Plue started to growl at him, again. "I don't like him, either."

"That's too bad." She said as she brushed her fingers against his white locks, soothing him. "One of you is replaceable and I'm not talking about the dog."

Lucy yelped when she felt his hand come in contact with her behind and she whirled around to flush and scowl, glaring at the male who didn't seem so pleased either.

"What was that—"

"You're comparing me to a damn dog," he cut her off, stepping closer to her where he ignored Plue's warning growls and her baffled expression. "I am much better than a fuckin' dog and I won't sit here being insulted when I came here to take you on a date. A nice one at that."

The look in his eyes were feral and her knees were weak just looking at him assert dominance. Her throat ran dry and all she wanted to do was yank him close and kiss him senseless till they were both delirious and sated.

"And you didn't even greet me properly. That's already two strikes."

"What happens when it gets to three?" She asked, unaware she was more seductive in her words than she wanted it to be.

"You want to find out?" A lazy smirk pulled on his lips and she was about to say fuck it to the date and just take him here and now. "Now are you going to greet me properly or would you rather date your dog?"

Being a brat was Lucy's specialty and she had no problem being one in front of Natsu but she was better than that. (Kind of, not really)

Setting her dog back down on the floor, Plue had many words to say as the small pup barked at his owner to the stranger who stood beside her. The two of them ignored him as she came closer and wrapped her arms around his shoulders as his arms went around her waist, a small tint of pink painted on her cheeks as she leaned in to peck him on the cheek.

"What are we? Eight?" He grabbed at her before she slipped away. "Give me a proper kiss, Heartfillia."

She was giggling and squealing as Natsu yanked her close and crushed his lips against hers and she had no idea how good it felt to be kissed and held by Natsu until now. The way one of his hands held the back of her head to keep her in place and the other that dug into her hip as he kissed her so hotly almost had her moaning but he had pulled away before she could let one slip.

The grin on his face had her kissing him one more time, over and over again as the two stumbled in her kitchen and giggled against each other's lips.

Natsu had kept his lips zipped about the entire date ever since he asked her last week and she was jittery thinking about what could possibly be going to happen. Ideas of all sorts popped in her head but the more she thought about Natsu, the more she knew she wouldn't be getting some kind of panty-dropping romantic evening out in the city. She never knew Natsu as someone romantic or sappy so she crossed all those things out and continued to ponder about what would entail a 'nice date' in Natsu's eyes.

She has always been comfortable around him and never once did she ever fear for her safety but she definitely did have concerns when it came to one of his bright ideas.

Because Natsu was loud, obnoxious, and a very obvious pyromaniac and she hoped to god nothing would explode or get her burnt to a crisp.

And since Natsu wanted to be all secretive, she had no idea what to wear which was why she waited till Natsu got there to be the judge of that. There was no way in hell she would be dressing up while Natsu dressed down and judging by the way he wore a nice pair of slacks with a button down (why did he have to roll the sleeves up!) she was half tempted to just drag him into bed with her.

But she was a good sport and didn't go back on her word as she quickly tossed on a skirt, a sweater, and her favorite knee high heeled booties before she was out the door with her date. She still felt a bit overdressed but Natsu didn't say anything besides smile at her and kiss her on the cheek so she was as wobbly as a melted snowman while they left for their date.

The drive itself was the longest part of it all but Natsu had his way with words and the two of them were singing along to songs and giggling back and forth, sneaking in small kisses during red lights.

If this was the date, Lucy wouldn't even complain because she was having the best time of her life and all they did was drive around in town and sing along to old bangers.

"It's kind of ridiculous we have to drive forty minutes away to just come watch a movie."

Natsu snorted as he held her by the hand, pulling her along inside of a movie theater. "Next time we can go somewhere closer."

"Next time?" She asked, a small smile curling up. "Who said there will be a next time?"

"I pride myself in taking women out on nice dates so I don't doubt you wouldn't want another."

"How nice of you to speak about the many women you take out on 'nice' dates," her mouth tasted bitter and she wanted to yank her hand away from his but she decided it was ridiculous of her to be jealous or bitter about any of this.

"I would have taken you out sooner if I had the chance."

Her cheeks reddened and she didn't respond as she knew this was Natsu's way of shutting her up and especially sugar-coating her bitterness. She still didn't know how to feel about this whole thing as he led her inside the very empty building and she was eyeing the place skeptically. "Where is everyone?"

"Maybe they're watching a movie." He said, not bothering to stop. "Because we're in a movie theater."

She puffed her cheeks out and grumbled under her breath, "Dick."

He did turn to flash her a wicked grin and she ignored the way her heart skipped a beat as he dragged her along everywhere till they were finally making their way inside of a theater room. Lucy was confused as she looked around, wondering why they didn't have to scan tickets or why nobody else was really in the place besides the two employees who were at the ticket booth.

But her questions died pretty quickly as soon as she was brought into the empty showing room and she looked around in confusion, spinning in a circle before she was looking at the rosy-haired fireman who finally dropped her hand.

The movie theater itself was nice since it had been recently renovated into a 'luxurious' movie theater. All that meant was that the chairs were now reclinable and they could get alcohol at the bar but nothing about the place really changed.

Lucy snorted as she saw the double seat recliner in the middle of the room filled with pillows and a nice comforter. She could see a bunch of take-out bags on the floor beside the place and her eyebrow cocked up to finally turn to look at the grinning male.

"I rented out the entire theater for us so we can watch the new murder mystery movie that came out. It's not out in theaters till next weekend but I know a guy," he smirked, jerking his thumb at himself triumphantly. "And I also know you really like that dim sum place that used to be up the street from your moms house so I got us some takeout."

Lucy didn't know what to say or do but stand there and stare at her childhood crush in awe. She was baffled and honestly very taken back by the immense detail he put into this date for them. It wasn't nice like she thought it would be in a five star restaurant overlooking the water, but it definitely was nice in the way he had remembered small details about her and set up a nice romantic atmosphere for them.

Memories of them laying on the couch watching the latest shows and movies when they were younger flashed through her memories and as she turned to look at Natsu, she wondered when did he grow up so much?

She could still see the ghost of teenage Natsu standing beside the adult Natsu and her heart throbbed with nostalgia.

Even after all these years… he was still Natsu.

Spending Christmas with Natsu wasn't something she's never experienced. Natsu always spent every holiday and waking day being around her family so she wasn't surprised she had to spend Christmas with him but more of the fact that he asked her to spend Christmas with him.

Ever since Gray and her got old enough to not be coming around constantly, her parents had taken the liberty to fly somewhere warm to spend their holidays.

As crushing as it was at times, she had gotten used to her parents leaving Magnolia to come back two shades darker and drunker in love than she's ever seen.

And Gray surprisingly said he was spending Christmas with a 'friend' and of course the blush he had on his face only made her suspicions rise but he was quick to leave after that and that was how she got roped into spending Christmas with Natsu.

Not like she was complaining, ever since she had returned to Magnolia she had spent the majority of her free time with him.

Ever since their first date, Natsu had been offering to get her dinner or spend as much time with her in her apartment or his (mainly his because he still didn't care for that damn yappy dog of hers) and to put it simply, she enjoyed it. A lot. More than she should because the lingering dangers of dating her brother's best friend still made her keep her eyes peeled for anyone that could spot the two but they've been at this for three months so things were alright.

For now.

Lucy still had a hard time coming to terms with her newfound feelings for the firefighter. They were still all the same feelings she had all those years ago and while she was admitting to her attraction to said man and enjoying his presence, she was still convinced it was all Stockholm syndrome.

Because this menace of a man with the same cheeky grin and obnoxiously loud mouth was now a man in her eyes. A man who provided, protected, and most definitely gave her a run for her money in every aspect of romance.

Natsu wasn't a romantic man at all but something about him getting her flowers or dropping off a cup of coffee on his way to work or even snuggling up beside her in bed after one of their naked wrestling matches had her turning into goo.

But of course, she liked to pin it on the fact that Natsu made her delusional and she was in no way, no form, having romantic feelings of all things.

Of course not! This was just the butterflies that everyone experienced when they were courted for the first time and the only reason why her heart raced so fast when he was around was because… well… because she was attracted to him.

She knew that much.

But that didn't make sense on why she had offered to make Natsu a Christmas dinner meal that her parents made every year for them because he whined and said it wasn't really Christmas if there was no Christmas dinner (he offered to buy all the groceries). Or decorated her and his place because it's part of the Christmas tradition. Or decorated the Christmas tree with him as he guilt tripped her into saying she had to. Or danced with him in the kitchen as her ham cooked. Or the many times they would sneak kisses in as he helped chopped vegetables and she seasoned.

"You ever wonder," Natsu said in a hush with a wicked grin on his face as he stared down at the flush face of his lover lying beside him. "You ever wonder how everyone would react if they found out about us?"

Lucy blinked as she stared up at him, seeing how he played with the ends of her hair as they continued to digest their feast laying on the couch with a cheesy Christmas film on. "Chaos. Absolute chaos."

"You think?"

"I know," she let out a sigh. "Gray is already protective as it is, could you imagine what he would do if he found out if you and I were involved? And our friends?" She shuddered as the image of it. "Levy would pass out. Cana would never shut up about it. Erza might as well run us both over with her car."

Natsu barked out in laughter at her words and Lucy flushed, looking at him with a pout.

"I'm serious."

"I know, that's what's funny," he said as he wiped at the tears and his laughter died down to soft giggles.

Lately, she had been catching Natsu looking at her in a way that made her inside squirm and her heart pound. She didn't know why or when it started but she recently had been catching him giving her the softest expressions ever and when she would catch him staring he would just toss her one of his signature grins. The simple gesture in itself had her blushing and turning away but the strange warmth in her heart continued to bloom as if a fire was burning.

And as stubborn as she was, she refused to dig deeper into it because it did not mean anything!

"Why do you ask?"

Natsu was silent for a minute as if he was thinking about what to say, his fingers continuing to comb through her golden locks as he leaned against his arm. She stared up at him, waiting for a response and taking in his long lashes and strong jawline.

"Erza's party." Was all he said and she quirked a brow at him.

"Are you talking about her New Year's party she's hosting?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, so, what about it?"

He was silent again and it was worrying her as she could see his hamster working overtime to brainstorm the sentence.

"Natsu?"

"I want you to be my new year's kiss."

The sentence itself shouldn't have stunned or frightened her in any type of way considering how close and intimate they have gotten in the last couple months but with the way he was asking about how everyone would react and then change his mood into something like this had her blood freezing over.

Natsu flinched as she shot upright, sitting up to twist her head and look at him with wide fearful eyes.

"You're not trying to suggest…" she trailed off as he raised an eyebrow. "We tell everyone?"

"I mean," he also sat up to be leveled with her. "We have been seeing each other for three months, going on four."

Her heart skipped a beat and she felt her cheeks grow hot with embarrassment, eyes blinking owlishly at his direction.

"So?"

"So," he dragged the word out. "I don't know? I just thought that maybe we're… in a good spot to?" He sounded uncertain and it came out more as a question than anything.

She knew she looked stupid at the moment but she didn't know how else to react to his ridiculous comment. She thought they were doing just fine sneaking around and just when she thought they were getting in the flow of things, he had to go open his mouth and make her question everything again.

Did this mean Natsu wanted to make things official? Or is he finally cracking from the pressure of holding such a secret from everyone? Or is he just messing with her so he could see how she would react? Or maybe he just—

"I like you, Luce, like, a lot."

And there she goes again blinking and gawking at him as if he just told her he committed murder.

But why was it so hard for her to just sit here and allow him to be honest with his feelings?

A part of her wanted to hear Natsu confess how much he liked her and was willing to do anything for her and another part of her just wanted him to shut up and never bring it up again.

Because in all honesty, Natsu wasn't someone she should be doing this with and it was making everything much more complicated when feelings were involved. Romantic, deep, feelings. The dates were… just common courtesy and since Natsu claims he is a gentleman, she allowed him to wine and dine her and who is she to say no to a free meal? She was still trying to save up money after her failed attempt at life and she honestly didn't think she was in a position to be jumping into another relationship after her last disaster.

Natsu was just someone she was supposed to have fun with and forget about the real world when they were together and for him to just casually bring up how he liked her and wanted to go public?

He had to be out of his goddamn mind.

There was absolutely no way he was being serious and she furrowed her brows in worry, staring right at him who stared right back.

"Of course you do, I cook for you and provide you with an unlimited amount of sex and blowjobs at your convenience."

The frown on his face showed he wasn't finding this funny but it only made her heart race even faster and sweat outline her hairline.

"Luce, that's not what I mean. I'm trying to say that I'm in love—"

"I think it's getting late and I should be heading out," she blurted out abruptly, shooting out of her seat on the couch.

The panic on Natsu's face flashed across her vision but the panic inside her chest felt more important as she bolted for her belongings, heart racing.

"Lucy!" His voice was frantic as he tried to reach for her but she ignored all his advances as she rushed to book it out of there. "Luce, wait a minute, stop for a second! Please!"

The look of hurt and sadness was the last thing she saw before she had slammed the door and ran out of his place.

Natsu may think he really likes her but in reality it was nothing more than puppy-love and lust in her eyes. They've been spending a lot of time together and Natsu had always had a soft spot for her inside so of course he would mistake his attachment for a strong desire of lust and attraction. There's no way Natsu loves her… he didn't mean it. He didn't mean it that way.

But… Why did her heart squeeze so painfully as she thought of that and left him in such a hurry? The look on his face burned her eyes and as hot tears pricked her eyes and her legs took her further and further away, she could only feel the stinging pain of regret and remorse course through her body.

Lucy decided it was best to put some space between her and Natsu since the whole confession and it hurt her more than she thought it would. She spent the next week and between Christmas and new years working her ass off, avoiding Natsu, ignoring Natsu, and trying her best not to think about him.

It was a lot harder than she thought since she usually spent her free time with him and she found herself alone, bored, and sad at home as Plue gave her the company she didn't have.

She hated to admit that something this trivial was making her so upset and there were many times where she wanted to reach out to Natsu or meet him at his place but she always decided against it as she felt the nerves building inside of her. His frantic messages and phone calls always went unanswered and she felt bad the majority of the time but she truly did have to figure this out before anything else. Especially since Erza's party was just days away and she can't just not go because it was one of her closest friends and she already RSVPed yes.

But dear God, Natsu will be there and the idea of him wanting her to be his new year's kiss was so nerve wrecking that she felt like she had to throw up. And the fact that she had to face him after he literally was in the middle of confessing that he was in love with her and she just ran out of his home was humiliating.

She didn't remember the last time she was so anxious and nervous about seeing someone and she obviously never felt this way for Natsu so she had no idea how to handle this at all.

Which was now at the point where she had to confide in someone or else she really would go crazy.

She just didn't think it would be this hard or embarrassing but Levy's stare had her melting in her seat.

"Are you ever going to tell me, Lu, or did you just ask me to come here so I can watch you sweat?"

Lucy wanted to bang her head against the wall as she whimpered and chewed on her bottom lip. "Levy, what I'm going to tell you… you can't tell anyone about it. I did a really, really bad thing."

Levy let out a sigh as she placed her glass of wine down. "I guess if you're resulting to this and coming to me about it… I know a place where we can bury the body and I can see if Gajeel would let us borrow one of his trucks—" Lucy furrowed her brow in confusion, seeing how Levy was thinking and babbling about finding a getaway car.

"Levy," Lucy cut her off. "I didn't kill someone."

"Oh," she blinked in confusion, leaning back into her seat. "Well, then what is it?"

Covering her flushed face with her palms, Lucy squeezed her eyes shut as she prepared for the repercussion of her confession. "I'm seeing Natsu."

There was a silence squeezed between and Lucy peeked through her fingers to see Levy's reaction but there was just a blank expression on her face that made her even more uncomfortable.

"As in..?"

"We're sleeping together."

"You're sleeping—?!" Levy was boardline screeching and Lucy flailed her arms, trying to get her to quiet down and Plue was back to barking as there was a lot of noise going on. "You're sleeping together?!" She hissed at the crimson faced blonde and Lucy nodded slowly. "Since when?!"

"Ummmm," Lucy shrank back in her seat, fiddling with her fingers. "Since October?" It came out as a questionable squeak and Levy's jaw dropped.

"October?!"

Levy's screaming made her want to jump out of her window and Lucy slammed her forehead against the table to groan, steam practically rolling out of her ears.

"Levy, please."

"Okay, so, whatever, you're sleeping with—I can't believe this." Levy cut herself off to shake her head back and forth. "I'm sorry, Lu, I just… you're sleeping with each other? Like sex?"

"Yes, Levy! Sex! Natsu and I have been having sex! Since October! And I need your advice!" Lucy bursted with embarrassment, dizzying tears pricking her eyes. "Natsu said he wanted to tell everyone and asked me to be his new year's kiss at Erza's party but I thought what we were doing was just casual, fun stuff! Now he's telling me he in love with me and he wants—"

"Whoa!" Levy thrusted her arms out, eyes wide. "Natsu said he's in love with you? As in—?"

"Yes!" Lucy shrieked, unable to handle her emotions. "As in likes-likes me!"

Levy was openly gawking now and Lucy had no idea how to react either as she felt her heart thundering and her face burning a thousand degrees. She tried to fan herself to help with the heat but it was no use, her body was burning up like it always did when she thought of the pink-haired fireman and she was in real deep waters now.

"Well, do you like-like him?"

"I mean, I don't not like him but… as a boyfriend?" Her palms found her rosy cheeks and she was staring at the space between them. "Me and Natsu? How could that even work? Just think about how Gray would react!"

"Forget about Gray," Levy waved her hand dismissively. "This is about you and Natsu! This is huge!"

"Natsu confessed to me that he's been wanting me since we were kids and I just—"

"Lucy," Levy held her hand up, stopping her mid-sentence. "I can't believe you've kept this from me for this long. We need to have a proper conversation about this. No more wine. We need to bring out the big guns."

Lucy watched how Levy expertly went into her kitchen to come back with a half of a bottle of vodka and two shot glasses. The blonde raised her brow at her friend but said nothing as Levy popped open the top and poured two shots for them before grabbing hers and downing it almost immediately. Lucy looked at her with wide eyes as she poured another drink for her and then she sat down, giving her best friend a confused look.

"What? I needed a shot after that kind of confession."

"What do I do, Levy!"

"It seems to me that it's you that's confused here, Lu," Levy pursed her lips, crossing her leg over her knee as she leaned back into her seat. "Natsu clearly stated what he wants and how he feels."

"He doesn't really feel that! He's just blinded by lust and attraction! There's no way he actually likes me. Nonetheless love!" Lucy scoffed, gripping her shot glass tight in her palm. "Natsu and I never got along. It's… it's just an attraction. He doesn't really like me. He's mistaking his love for me as being in love. There's no way!"

Levy just sighed and gave Lucy a hard stare, wondering when she would wake up or rip her shades off so she could clearly see the bigger picture here. It was clear as day what this all meant to her but why was it so hard for Lucy to come to terms with reality?

"Lucy, everything aside… how do you feel about Natsu?"

"How… how do I feel?" Lucy asked, palm against her chest as she blinked owlishly at the ground.

Like she said, she didn't not like Natsu. She loves him wholeheartedly and nothing would ever take that away from her but… romantic love? Sure, he was funny, handsome, great in bed, and he also had a good head on his shoulders. He showered her in affection and bought her meals and he would always, always make sure she was well. He helped her get the things on the top shelf for her, he would cook her meals on certain days, and he would even massage her feet after a long day of work in the library.

Natsu was a great guy and she wouldn't have minded someone like him as her boyfriend but… this was Natsu.

The same Natsu who melted her doll's faces when they were kids. The same Natsu who would yank on her hair and laugh in her face about her makeup. The same Natsu who would wrestle with her on the couch so he could watch what he wanted.

How could these two Natsu's be the same Natsu she's grown up with? When did times change that she was now able to see the man Natsu is?

Living her dream of being with Natsu was harsher than she thought and she couldn't believe that she was now living the life as Natsu's lover. Of course she liked him. She has loved him since they were kids, that's never changed but ever since she reconnected with him, something unleashed inside of her and her heart had attached itself back to his. It seemed as if it was never unattached as she was so quick to be at his side and to think of Natsu being with another woman made her blood boil.

Natsu was hers before anyone else's and she would be damned if she lost him, again.

Lucy gasped out loud making Levy jolt in her spot and she looked at the blonde with wide eyes as she stared right back at her.

"Oh my God, Levy… I think… I think I might have feelings for him, too."

Lucy had to give credit where credit was due. She always was a hopeless romantic and for her to be so panicked about someone loving her was a wild concept to her. She always wanted love. Always wanted her Prince Charming. Always chasing after her next story so why did she resist so much?

Levy was right. She had to come clean about her feelings about Natsu and even though it may be hard for her to come to an understanding of why she felt this way, she still knew she loved him, too. More than a friend and she would be damned if she tortured herself for one more day ignoring this sweet soul. She had to talk this out because like she always said, they weren't kids anymore. She was twenty-four years old and Natsu was twenty-six and if they couldn't sit down and have an honest conversation about their feelings then why even bother with any of this?

That's why when Natsu had finally gotten so fed up with her radio silence and pounded on her door for a good solid ten minutes, she was finally able to face her fear.

Only after she had to talk herself into opening the door as she stalled for so long and trembled in her spot.

Natsu looked angry, annoyance clearly stretched across his face as he slammed open the door once the door was unlocked and walked right into her place. He didn't even bother blinking an eye at Plue who was growling and barking at him but the small pup seemed to know better as the mood in the air felt heavy and he kept a distance from the fireman, hiding behind his owner.

Even Lucy had lost her entire train of thought and rehearsed speech as she gaped like a goldfish at the angry looking man standing in her living room. She didn't think he would be so pissed off but he clearly looked like he would strangle her any minute at the way he was glaring at her.

But why did he always have to look so good?!

"You know," he said, voice leveled and stern. "You sure know how to piss a guy off."

She didn't know how to respond as her mouth moved but no words were produced. She had this whole speech and resolve she had been practicing since she had her talk with Levy last night and she honestly didn't expect Natsu to show up at her door but then again, this man was always full of surprises.

"Listen, Natsu, I—"

"No, you listen to me." He took a step forward making her take a step back and her eyes were wide as he kept prowling towards her. "I'm not here to play games with you, Lucy. I'm way too old to be playing this back and forth and if you don't feel the same way then fine, so be it, but I need you to fucking listen to me because I am incredibly pissed off."

The back of her knees hit her couch and she yelped as she was forced into the seat and she stared up at him as he stood in front of her, eyes blazing with emotions.

"I told you from the start that I'm not your rebound and if that's what you've been seeing me as then we need to stop seeing each other."

She didn't think that would hurt her as much but it did as her hand came up to curl around her chest.

"I honestly don't give a fuck if Gray or Erza or anyone has a problem with us because I know what I want but it seemed as if you don't. So in all honesty, this is your problem and not anyone else's problem."

Lucy opened her mouth to protest but he held his hand up at her and inhaled deeply making her clamp it shut. She felt like a child being ridiculed and she couldn't say this wasn't a turn on for her because Natsu was still in his uniform and he looked too good for her to turn him away.

"I need you to get your shit together, Lucy. If you want to be with me then be with me and if you're just using me for sex then… then I don't want this anymore. I can't do this anymore."

Her heart felt like it was breaking and she felt the frown pull her lips down.

The idea of having to break things apart with Natsu and pretend as if nothing has ever happened between them made her heart ache. How was she supposed to let this man go, again? He was literally the brightest part of her day and she didn't even realize all of this until she was speaking with Levy just last night.

She thinks this is love. She thinks this is all because of Natsu and she honestly thinks it would be best if they did come clean with everything because they've been trying this for three, going on four, months and nothing bad has happened so why should she try to push this away even more?

But her mouth wasn't working and she desperately wanted to tell Natsu that she thinks she loves him, too, and is willing to work things out but nothing would come out.

Not even when he was looking at her as if his own heart was breaking and not even when he turned to walk out of her apartment could she say anything.

And she hated herself for it.

x

.

tbc

Notes: ending this here so I can finally finish it off in one last chapter. Geeeeezz i really need to stop. I am too deeply invested. See you in the next chapter!