A/N: Hi there! Happy Monday :) I'm so excited that so many of you are excited about what's to come. Can't wait for you to hear Hailey's answer ;)
Hailey suddenly felt wide awake.
"What?" she whispered without moving against Jay.
"Will you remarry me?" he repeated, "Can we renew our vows?"
I promise to faithfully love you in sickness and in health, in sorrow and in joy. From this day forward, I choose to join my life with yours.
Those vows.
In a way, they did faithfully love each other. Never once had she imagined not being faithful to Jay. She had loved him through his absence and supported him through his pain – both physical and emotional. She had upheld that vow.
They'd joined their lives together and not looked back for a second. Despite all the tears and sadness, she had never regretted actually marrying Jay. He was her husband, and that meant everything to her. It was more than just a ring on her finger: it was a vow and a promise of forever.
And now that vow was metaphorically inked on her skin as well.
She could see how that would trigger this question from Jay.
They'd upheld their vows and survived the toughest challenges their marriage could hand them. That meant something, and it should be celebrated.
Renewing their vows could be a celebration.
They could also add to those vows. They'd been the simple ones the courthouse had written out even though they really did mean a lot to the two of them. Renewing vows didn't have to mean an exact replica of what had happened before. This time, they could "get married" without the thought of prison and death looming over their heads. Perhaps their friends could be there, or she could go out and get a new outfit for the occasion.
There were endless possibilities for the moment.
It could also be a fresh start – just like their marriage had been.
At the time, they'd been going through hell. They survived, made it out alive and closer together, and got married.
In a way, this was the exact same thing.
Hailey sat up as best she could against him and placed a hand in the middle of his chest. Swallowing a lump in her throat, she said, "I do love you."
Jay nodded and reached up to brush her hair behind her ear.
"So I…yeah, Jay. Of course I'll marry you again."
Jay smiled in response and tugged her down to press a desperate, appreciative kiss to her lips. She moaned quietly into it, slipping her leg over his to get on top of him.
Like when they got engaged, she had a warmth growing in her belly.
Someone had chosen her to live their life with. She was picked as someone's forever. Again.
Jay had seen what life was like on his own. He'd gone off to be by himself and become a "better" man – even if she never thought he was an awful man to begin with. He'd gone off to grow and evolve as a person, and she was getting the chance to experience that new life with him.
She'd gone from feeling like she could never be loved to having real love ripped from underneath her to learning that love could come in many forms, and that this version of love – the love that was a constant, true choice – was how she was going to live the rest of her life.
She was lucky, and she was loved.
Hailey Upton, who'd grown up believing that love was synonymous with pain and couldn't ever really exist in its truest form, was someone's wife. She knew that her husband loved her, and she truly loved him back. She hadn't known a life like this could exist.
It was hard. It was a daily effort. But it was worth it.
"We're forever, aren't we?" she whispered against his lips.
Jay hummed and brought his hand up to lightly press his fingers into her tattoo. "Yeah, Hailey, we're forever."
She let out a soft sigh of disbelief and sank into the feeling of her husband.
Her husband.
Who was choosing her for the umpteenth time in her life.
She was his choice, and he was hers.
They were going to renew their vows and prove to each other that this new them – the better, more experienced them – was what their forever was always going to look like.
She couldn't have been more excited or in love.
Hailey woke up feeling warm. The room was pitch black and she didn't have a stitch of clothing on her, but she was warm from the inside out.
Her heart slowly beat within her chest to match the relaxed cloud that filled her mind. As she blinked her eyes slowly against the darkness, she knew it was the middle of the night.
For once, she was being woken up from a good dream but couldn't remember what exactly it had been. It hadn't shot ice down her spine like nightmares and didn't cause sadness to flood her system from being too good to be true. Whatever had filled her consciousness as she slept next to Jay was filled with romance and stolen kisses and shy smiles behind all the vulnerability.
Perhaps it was just an extension of their night together.
Whatever it was, she loved the feeling and turned further on her side against Jay to get a better look at him.
As her eyes adjusted to the blackness of the night, she could make out his chest rising and falling next to her. She knew he was alive and that the worst hadn't happened to him, but seeing it with her own two eyes was always a relief.
She softly rested her hand over his heart to feel the thumping of that life run through him. It almost felt like her heart rate slowed even further to sync up with his.
Her lips parted as she slowly breathed in while watching him. She loved seeing how at peace he was in his sleep. There wasn't a line of stress or worry on his face.
He deserved that: after all he'd been through, a night of peaceful sleep was the least he could get.
She gently traced her finger over his eyebrows then down his nose. When she crossed his lips, she smiled herself then pressed her palm to the side of his face. As peaceful as he looked, he also looked incredibly like the Jay she'd fallen in love with.
He'd healed from his injuries over a month before. What he'd looked like had still yet to affect her feelings for him, but there was something comforting in seeing her husband underneath all the bruises and cuts. It was a constant she accepted in her life.
His chest was a different story, but she didn't mind. She barely paid it any attention as she studied him through the darkness. It had just changed with him as he'd gone off to grow, and that was okay. She'd accepted it by now.
Besides, she still had that tattoo of her own to remind herself of how far they'd come.
In his sleep, Jay shifted against her and murmured something so quietly that it barely sounded like a word. She hummed in response and brushed her hand through his hair.
"You're okay," she whispered, "I know you're okay. We're okay too. We're going to get married again: say new vows, renew our love and promises to each other. It's going to be good. I promise."
She lightly kissed his cheek then laid down to rest her head on his right shoulder. Rubbing her hand over his chest again, she let out a soft breath and whispered, "I love you, Jay, so much."
He sighed and murmured, "I love you too."
Hailey glanced up at him and whispered, "Jay?"
He hummed as he wrapped his arm around her back to tighten his hold on her. "You okay? Why're you awake?"
"I'm fine," she said softly, "Better than that. I just woke up; it's nothing." She brushed her hand down his chest and added, "Promise."
Pressing a kiss to her forehead, he breathed, "Okay."
It was nice to know that he believed her now. Even just a week before, she had no doubt that he would have further questioned her and tried figuring out why she was awake in the middle of the night. He was listening to her, and she welcomed it.
Lightly stroking her fingers against his warm skin, she softly asked, "How do you want to do it?"
"Bit tired, babe, gonna have to explain what you want to do."
Hailey laughed softly and tangled their legs together beneath the blankets. "Get married again," she replied, "How should we renew our vows?"
"Ah," Jay chuckled, "That makes sense."
Hailey smiled against his chest and closed her eyes when he began dragging his fingers through the ends of her hair.
"We could do it on our own again. We could do a big thing. We could even do something in the middle of that. I don't really care how it happens; I just know I want to officially start a new chapter with you, Hailey."
A newer, better chapter.
That'd been a big reason as to why they'd gotten married in the first place. They had been ready to close the book on Roy Walton and begin a new life together. They were ready to be happy and free.
Now, they had the chance to get that feeling back. Jay's path to recovery was much clearer – he was going to have possibilities arise in the coming weeks or months. She finally had her own closure regarding his departure and her broken heart. Now was the perfect time for the two of them to take a step forward and really, truly live up to those vows they'd made almost a year and a half before.
"I do too," she said softly, leaning up to kiss underneath his jaw, "But maybe it could be kind of fun to have our friends there this time – at least invite Will. He was kinda pissed he couldn't follow through with his best man duties."
Jay laughed low in the dark and nodded against her. "That is true. He should probably be there this time. Would you wear white?"
"Probably not," she laughed, "That okay with you?"
"You could literally wear nothing, and I'd be thrilled," Jay replied easily.
Hailey laughed harder into his chest, sliding her arms up to wrap around his shoulders. "Of course."
Laughing with her, Jay pressed another kiss to the top of her head before saying, "But our friends could be nice to have there. Maybe courthouse again or just something small like in Kim and Adam's backyard."
Hailey raised an eyebrow and sat up to look him in the eyes. "We are not renewing our vows in our friends' backyard."
"We don't have our own yard to do it in," Jay replied.
Hailey rolled her eyes and settled back down against his chest. "We can find a park if you insist on an outside wedding."
"The weather would be nice enough," Jay said, "But really, it's whatever you want."
"What I want, right now, is just for you to hold me as I try to go back to sleep. We can plan our renewal when it's light outside." She smiled into his chest as she closed her eyes.
Jay chuckled softly and put a hand on the back of her head. "That's fair. Goodnight."
"Goodnight," she whispered, "I love you."
"And I love you."
Jay was asleep much sooner than she was, but she didn't mind. She simply stayed awake atop his chest, slowly moving with every breath he took. It was the perfect reminder of what she was signing up for: a life – a real life – with Jay at her side.
The peace surrounding the moment lulled her back to sleep in a way that felt similar to how she'd been when she first woke up.
She loved it.
Hailey had been feeling reconnected to Jay after they first slept together, but it was a whole new level after revealing her tattoo to him and agreeing to renew their vows.
A happiness filled their apartment with the slowly emerging Spring sun. She looked forward to coming home from work and spending time with Jay on the couch or at the kitchen island or in their bed. It was peaceful just like that night had been whether they were making dinner together or working on one of Jay's word searches. More often than not, the night would end with the two of them whispering quiet promises of forever while their hands wandered beneath blankets and the fabric of their clothes, caressing and tracing senseless patterns on skin that hadn't been appreciated in months.
They were making up for lost time.
Jay still winced every once in a while when moving quickly or pulling his t-shirt off, but he made sure to tell her when he needed a break to just sit and breathe through the pain. Hailey worked on not making a big deal out of it each time. She knew it was a big deal for him to admit needing help, so she didn't want to scare him off by being overbearing. She refused to be condescending, knowing it would make it all ten times worse.
The progress, though, was noticeable. Without the sling, Hailey felt like a small fear had disappeared from Jay, and he was working even harder at getting back to where he was physically before the accident. Whenever she'd accompany him to his lessening PT appointments, she noted that he was able to do more reps than before. The first time that happened, they made peanut butter cookies to celebrate upon getting home. It was perhaps the best cookie she'd ever had even if it took them far too long to actually make the dough together.
It barely seemed to hold a flame, though, to his progress in therapy. His honesty about still feeling stuck without a job and afraid of what that meant for his future was appreciated. She gave him her full attention when he'd sit up in their bed before going to sleep and quietly explain that he was worried that he'd never work again. Sometimes, she'd reassure him that he would get a job when he was ready, but others she would squeeze his hand and tell him that he was more than a profession. It all depended on the spin he placed on it himself, and she was happy to realize she'd gotten good at knowing when he needed which response.
They had found their new normal, and it was really, really good.
Their vow renewal remained at the back of their conversations, but was much more present than their actual wedding had been. When planning that, she'd been more focused on staying out of jail than getting married. Now, that was not even something she was worried about. She wasn't afraid to focus on the happiness that existed around a wedding – even if it was a vow renewal instead of an actual ceremony. Their love should be celebrated, and she was beginning to like the idea of having a small party.
It could just be at the bar with their friends, but it needed to be something. It was going to be about more than just the love that everyone else could see; it was going to be about surviving all the heartache and challenges the world threw at them. It was going to be about them – Jay and Hailey – and she wanted – needed – it to be special.
So she welcomed the conversations about getting remarried outside and laughed when Will came over for dinner to accept his Best Man 2.0 position. She assured they didn't need to get new rings and told Jay that she would get a dress for the occasion this time around. It was fun to plan something - to have a new goal in their life that didn't revolve around sadness.
It became their bit of sunshine on the rainy days.
It became even more fun to talk about when Jay brought up honeymoons.
"Somewhere warm, definitely the beach," he whispered in her ear as she brushed her hair in front of the mirror before work one morning.
She smiled and leaned back into him, continuing to drag the brush through the ends of her hair. "That sounds nice," she said softly.
He smiled against her throat and lightly nipped her ear lobe before straightening up with her attached to his chest. "We have all summer to take it. I have nothing but time. You tell me when, and I'll plan it all. That's my job now: planning the honeymoon of the century."
Hailey laughed and set the brush down. Turning in his arms, she raised an eyebrow and said, "So the police department, the military, it's all gone. You're a travel agent now?"
Jay chuckled and shrugged. "Looks like I am. Where am I taking you?"
"You said somewhere warm on a beach," she said, slipping her arms over his shoulders, "I like that plan."
Jay hummed in reply and slowly swayed her back and forth. "You okay with staying in the US?"
"Had enough international travel?" she replied as she trailed her fingers down the back of his neck.
"For a year or two," Jay admitted, "That okay with you?"
"Hey, of course," she said, stopping the gentle movement. She rested her hand on the side of his face. "We don't have to take any long plane rides or even open up our passports – as long as I'm with you, I don't care where we go or how we get there."
"Thanks." Jay smiled slightly and kissed her forehead. "I'll see what I can find today, okay? Therapy, grocery shopping, travel agent."
Hailey shot him her own smile. "Have I told you I'm proud of you?"
"Might have mentioned it," Jay chuckled and slid his hands down to her waist, "I appreciate it, though. It's a good reminder when things get…rough."
"Yeah," she breathed, "So as long as you need to hear it, I'm here to say it."
Letting out a soft sigh, Jay tugged her back to his chest and rested his chin on her head. "And I'm proud of you," he murmured, "You're an amazing, strong person, and I couldn't be happier to be your husband."
Hailey hid a smile in his chest and rubbed her hands over his back. "Thank you," she whispered.
Like Jay, she believed him when he said words like that to her. It had been hard to remain optimistic about herself when the world had seemed so dark, but, now that she was on the other side, she really could see how she had climbed out of a hole of depression. She'd been stuck, and her communication with Jay, finally allowing herself to be fully vulnerable with him, helped her return to normal.
Or at least a new normal that she was truly enjoying living.
"See you after work?" she asked while stepping back.
"Stay safe," Jay replied with a wink.
She laughed softly, pushed up on her toes to kiss his cheek, then slipped around him to head to the front door. As she tied her shoes, she couldn't help but feel like this new normal had finally, really begun. Jay was no longer standing five feet away from her, staring at her as she got ready for work. She didn't have a twisting feeling in her gut that matched her shoe laces. Jay was shaving in the bathroom, and she was leaving for work. They'd gotten used to life, and they were thriving as best they could.
It was the happiest Hailey'd felt in months.
"Hailey, before you go up."
Hailey unzipped her coat and looked over at Trudy's voice from behind the desk. She nodded and stuck her hands in her pockets, walking over and saying, "What's up?"
"You and Jay doing anything tonight?" Trudy asked, "I was hoping to sit down with you both."
Hailey raised an eyebrow and said, "Uh, no, we really don't have any plans. Jay has a therapy appointment today, and he's stopping at the store after, but that's really it."
Trudy nodded and replied, "So let's get dinner and talk."
"Would Randall be coming?" Hailey asked.
"No, not this time, but he has been wanting to catch up with you both," Trudy said, "Maybe this weekend you two can come over for a drink. Until then, the three of us. I've been feeling like Italian."
"Don't you always feel like Italian?" Hailey countered, a laugh teasing her voice.
Trudy rolled her eyes and said, "I married a fireman without an ounce of Italian blood in him. Let me have my Italian food."
Hailey finally let out a laugh and said, "Fine, fine. But, just so you know, I did date an Italian once: not all it's cracked up to be."
"But I bet the food was delicious," Trudy said. She nodded toward the stairs and said, "Get to work. Have that husband of yours make dinner reservations somewhere good."
Smirking, Hailey shook her head and left the desk to go up to the bullpen. Once there, she sat down and pulled out her phone, knowing full well that Jay would accept the invitation but also roll his eyes himself at Trudy's request.
~ Change of plans for dinner. Trudy wants to talk. She also wants Italian. She said you can make the reservation ~
She was still laughing to herself as she turned to her computer and opened up her files to return to blocking out the few blueprints Adam had managed to get of the warehouse he'd visited a few times for their case.
There was still a piece of her that wished Jay was sitting across from her right now. She didn't think that want would ever go away no matter how much time passed; she had been accepting it, though, and that want was getting easier to swallow.
While she knew Jay would be putting his all into figuring out how exactly this case was going to become a possible terrorist attack, she wasn't quite sure about how the "new" Jay would be handling it all. He might have tried going under with Adam. Maybe he would have snuck into the warehouses himself. He probably would have pulled several long nights. There was the possibility that he would have done something stupid with Voight.
At that thought, she sighed and rolled her eyes.
Voight had been better lately, but he was still Voight. It was no secret that Jay's absence and then his hospital stay had affected the sergeant. She could see that a part of him seemed to have regret whatever bond he had created with Jay over the course of last summer – that was obvious in the way that he'd yet to actually spend quality time with Jay.
It wasn't lost on her that Voight had yet to visit Jay himself. She knew of a couple texts he'd sent just to check-in, but he hadn't even called Jay to talk to him at all. Jay had mentioned in passing that he thought it was odd, but never seemed to focus on it. She assumed it was something he'd discussed in therapy because it'd been rather casual. The conversation could barely even count as that. It was just a side note in their lives at this point. She was proud, though, to know that it was just something casual for Jay. It didn't seem to bother him, and she hoped it stayed like that for a long time.
Whatever job Trudy was going to be able to help him get, she knew it needed to be far away from Voight. Jay was doing really well on his own. He was healing from all that had – physically and mentally – happened to him. She wanted him to remain in that headspace so he could thrive and recover to the best of his ability.
She believed in him and wanted him to succeed in getting back on his feet. He was almost there, so staying away from Voight and leaving Intelligence felt like the only real, good option to doing so - even if it took a while to get used to.
Her phone buzzing on her desk snapped her out of her frustration with Voight. Instead, she smiled down at her screen and shook her head at Jay's response.
~ I'd say as if I have nothing better to do, but I really can't think of anything I need to do. I'll see what I can do. Any idea what she wants to talk about? ~ Jay
~ A job? How much she loves me? No clue ~
~ Aren't you funny? ~ Jay
~ Think 6pm is ok? ~ Jay
~ Yes and yes ;) ~
~ LOL talk to you later. Stay safe ~ Jay
Still smiling at her phone, she set it back on her desk and took a deep breath.
Her gut told her that her first answer was right: Trudy most likely wanted to talk about Jay's future. It scared her, and it most likely scared him, but at least it was something. Trudy was trying to help the two of them after the worst had happened, and they needed to lean into that.
It was going to be fine. Whatever came from the dinner would not make or break them. It was meant to be a chance at something, and Jay deserved that.
He deserved a second chance at his career.
With just a few hours notice, Jay wasn't able to get a reservation at a nicer Italian restaurant like Trudy might have wanted, but the chain would get the job done and cost less money in the long run – Hailey was fine with it.
To neither of their surprise, Trudy was already sitting at a table in the back of the restaurant when they arrived. She had a glass of wine in front of her and nodded at them as they walked over.
"Hi, Trudy," Jay said while holding out the chair for Hailey.
"How're you?" Trudy countered.
"Good. Haven't seen you since my arm was freed," Jay replied with a laugh. For good measure, he moved his left arm in a circle before sitting at the table.
In response, Hailey glanced at him and raised an eyebrow. "Was that a good idea?" she asked.
"I'm fine," he said, but she couldn't miss the way his right hand came up to brush over his left shoulder for just a moment.
She hummed and shook her head, reaching under the table to rub her hand along his thigh. The waitress then made eye contact with her and walked over to greet them as well.
"What have you been up to?" Trudy asked once their own glasses of wine were ordered.
"Oh, nothing huge," Jay admitted with a sigh, "Kind of just sticking to the same old, same old. I'm trying to get better at cooking. Still going to all my therapy appointments. Hailey's trying to get me to read."
At that, she laughed softly and said, "You're such a baby about it. Reading is fun. It's good for your mind."
"So are all the puzzles I've been doing," he shot back with a teasing smirk on his lips, "My mind is sharp; I promise you that."
Hailey smiled and, again, shook her head. She had no doubt his mind was sharp. She'd seen the stack of small puzzle books with different word searches, sudukos, and the like that he'd been working through on the coffee table. In a way, it made her smile because she liked that he was doing something to take his mind off of everything that was happening. On the other hand, it did make her a little sad that that was all he had: a stack of mind games he'd bought at the store. She knew he needed and should have been out doing more in the world, but she also wanted to be keeping him safe from any more injury.
It was a sticky situation that she frequently debated, though she knew what the answer was: Jay needed to get back outside.
"Sounds exciting," Trudy said sarcastically, "But it's all going well? You've been making progress and are starting to feel better?"
"Uh, yeah, for sure," Jay replied. He glanced at Hailey and shot her a small smile. "I've been feeling really good, actually. Hailey…Hailey's been great. We decided to renew our vows too."
Trudy's eyebrows shot up as she turned toward Hailey. "That's something I thought you would have mentioned."
Hailey laughed softly and shrugged. "I don't know. We haven't made any final plans yet: we know it's going to be outside and that our honeymoon is going to be to the beach. That's kind of it for now."
"You're going to wear a dress," Jay pointed out.
She laughed harder and nodded. "Okay, yeah, there's that. I'll wear a dress this time around."
"And I'll be there," Trudy added.
Jay chuckled and winked at Hailey. "You will?"
"Don't even joke. I'll be there," Trudy repeated, "Any time period on this, though? I'm guessing soon?"
"We haven't set a date yet," Hailey said.
Jay nodded and explained, "We really have all the time in the world, so there's no rush."
Before Trudy could reply, and Hailey noted that she greatly appeared that she wanted to, the waitress returned with the bottle of wine. Upon pouring it, she asked for their orders then left them all to sip at their now full glasses.
"I think I'm going to rate it a-"
"You do have a rush."
Jay stopped talking immediately at Trudy's voice, and Hailey turned toward her with a slightly shocked expression.
Trudy let out a breath and scooted closer to the table. "I need you to set a date," she explained softly, "And I'd prefer if it's sooner than later – at least, before May. I have a job offer for you that begins mid-May."
Jay blinked slowly then set his wine down. "You have a job offer for me?"
Trudy nodded and explained, "I want you to work for the academy. If the summer session goes well, I can get you a permanent spot training recruits. You could work your way up and eventually run the whole thing."
The silence around the table was a little alarming.
Hailey had her own answer: she knew the job would be perfect for Jay. He'd loved working with Dante when he was first training him even if it made him question his own ethics and first impressions. She remembered him coming home after Dante had left the unit after his first run and saying that he wished he could have given him another chance just for him to bring him back on months later. It'd been one of the last things Jay had been proud of within the unit. He liked having a hand in forming the new generation of police officers that walked the streets.
It was also low risk for injury. Actually, he probably wouldn't get hurt at all. As far as she knew, there was no physical requirement for him to be an instructor in the academy. There might be times where he would do a ride-along, but, overall, she couldn't picture him getting shot again or running into anything dangerous.
The smallest amount of hesitation she had, though, was the idea that being an instructor would force Jay to confront the back and forth ideas he had surrounding power and policing before he left. He would need to pick the path that he wanted to be on and teach others to do the same. She had no doubt that he'd learned his lesson regarding the matter, but she was also unsure of where he currently stood on it. He hadn't mentioned specifically talking about it in therapy, so all she had to go on was assumptions.
But it was an opportunity – the first he'd even had – and passing it up felt like a stupid decision.
It just wasn't up to her to make no matter what her feelings were on it.
Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Jay's hand twitch slightly on the table, reaching toward his glass of wine. He visibly swallowed then looked down at his lap.
"Wow," he breathed, "That's uh…wow."
"I think you'd be great at it," Trudy said softly, "You've got a good head on your shoulders, you did great at training Torres and seeing the best in him, and you know what this department needs. I think you've would have ended up at the academy at some point in your career, why not now?"
Jay glanced up with wide eyes. "You saw me heading there?"
"For sure," Trudy replied, "I was expecting you to be the sergeant of Intelligence after Voight retired, then eventually retire yourself and go teach at the academy. I probably would have retired by that point as well, but I knew it was going to happen. You took that job seriously, and I know you felt like you could have done better. You wouldn't have stopped until you felt like you rectified that."
Hailey smiled slightly and placed her hand back on his thigh. "She has a point," she said softly, "I don't know if that's the exact retirement plan I would have expected you to take, but you definitely wouldn't have just retired and done nothing. That's not you. Staying busy, teaching others how to be a cop…that's you."
"But the me that covered murders and broke the law?" Jay whispered.
Trudy quickly shook her head and put a hand out. "Watch what you say," she saidquietly , "But yes. Yes, you did things you regret; however, who hasn't? Do you really think every cop in this city hasn't done things they regret? Do you think you're the only one who's made a mistake or crossed a line? Unfortunately, that's just not the truth. We can wish it was, but it's not. You're not alone in doing stupid, risky things. It's what you do after doing those things that defines you – not the mistake itself."
Hailey breathed in slowly and looked across the table at her. Trudy nodded back and winked.
She was talking to her as well as Jay, but she was also talking about more than just being a cop. For her entire life, Hailey had looked up to Trudy as a cop. It was only when she actually started working for her that she started looking up to her as a person. She was rather rough around the edges and intimidating to meet, but she would also die for those she loved, not to mention the fact that she was smart and confident. She fully believed in her family, and Jay and Hailey were her family whether they knew that in the beginning or not. She was the prime example of how this job – going out daily and risking their lives – brought people closer together. She taught them how to grow into who they were meant to be all while pulling the leash along the way. It would have been silly to ignore the path she thought they were meant to be on.
"Do I have to interview for it?" Jay asked.
Trudy shook her head. "You know the others, and I've talked you up."
"So they know what happened to me?" Jay countered, and Hailey could feel him tense beneath her hand.
Trudy let out a breath and shook her head again. "They know the basics; stop your worrying. I had to share at least some of what happened. You think people don't talk? Everyone knew you left to return to the military, and then word got out when you came back. It's not general knowledge that you were permanently dismissed, just that you were medically discharged and back in Chicago. I told Hanover that you were looking for a change now that you're up to working again."
"Jack?" Hailey asked.
"Yeah, he's been in charge of the academy for about two years now," Trudy answered, "Looking to retire within the next three. This is primed for you, Jay."
Jay sighed quietly and mumbled, "I don't know," before taking a long sip of wine.
Frowning, Hailey squeezed his thigh. "Does he need to decide tonight?"
"No, but I'd like it sooner than later," Trudy said, "They're looking for a head instructor for the summer course. I don't want you to think too long and they find someone else in the meantime. We can get you in and trained with plenty of time if you decide by…say the end of the week."
"End of the week?" Jay repeated in disbelief as he set his wine glass down, "That's five days."
"It's a job," Trudy stated, "You know I respect you, and I want the best for you, but I'm also telling you this as your former boss and sergeant: this is a really good opportunity for you. This is a chance for you to get back on your feet. You thought you lost everything, but you didn't. Your outlook just needed to change."
"I don't know," Jay sighed, "It's…I don't know."
"Think about it," Trudy replied, her gaze shifting over to Hailey, "Both of you. If, for some reason, this just isn't it for you, let me know, and I'll look for something else. I can send you the pay and benefits; I can try to get you as close to your last salary as possible, but I'm not sure I can completely match it. It's worth considering."
Hailey nodded and brushed her knuckles over Jay's thigh. She shot him a small smile and whispered, "She's right. What's the harm in just thinking about it?"
Jay pursed his lips then shrugged while shaking his head. "None, I guess," he said quietly.
"Talk about it at home," Trudy said, "Until then, I need more details on this vow renewal from either of you. I'm not kidding by saying I'm going to be there."
Hailey forced a smile on her face that quickly relaxed into a real one as she explained their very vague and new plans for renewing their vows. As she talked, she kept her hand on Jay's thigh. He remained rather quiet, only adding in to the conversation every once in a while, but neither she nor Trudy commented on it. They both knew he needed the space to think about the job on his own despite her saying to wait until they got home. No amount of warnings could get him to stop overthinking this decision any time soon.
Though their food arriving seemed to at least thaw some of his anxieties and get him to open up about a few of the raids he'd done in Bolivia that he was actually proud of.
It was that moment when he was talking about what he could do well that solidified to Hailey that being an instructor in the police academy would be a really, really good fit for him.
She knew exactly which way she was going to nudge him upon returning home that night.
The dinner went smoothly with Jay stepping out of his head by the time their salads were finished. Trudy kept the conversation away from the police academy, and Hailey followed her lead. They mentioned some of the upcoming overtime that was going to need to be had with their case involving the Becks getting more and more intense as time ticked on, but otherwise steered clear of any recent cases.
Hailey enjoyed it. She partly wondered if this was what it was like to finally leave the house after having a newborn – she was an adult again talking to more than just one person in her life. It all made her want to make more plans with their friends just to have more things to talk about.
Jay agreed as they approached their apartment door that night, saying, "Do you think we would have loved to have dinner with Trudy even just five years ago?"
Hailey laughed as she stepped past him through the door. "I might have because it'd been so long since I'd seen her, but not in the same way that I did tonight. It was nice, wasn't it?"
"Yeah," Jay breathed. He slipped off his shoes before stretching out his arms and yawning. "Wouldn't mind going out with everyone else soon too."
"Mhmm," Hailey hummed. She picked up her shoes and carried them to the bedroom with Jay right behind her. As she tossed them in her closet, she said, "She did invite us over for a drink this coming weekend with Randall, want to take her up on it?"
"Why not?" Jay replied. He pulled out a pair of boxers from his drawer then added, "I'm gonna shower."
"Okay," Hailey said softly. She looked up from taking off her own pants as he entered the bathroom and shut the door. Sighing to herself, she made her way to Jay's dresser and grabbed one of his t-shirts. Once the white fabric was the only piece of clothing she was wearing, she slipped beneath the covers and stared at the ceiling, waiting for Jay's return.
As she listened to the shower run in the bathroom, she silently debated what he could be thinking about regarding the job. In a way, it'd seemed like his main concern all along was how he was going to make money upon returning to Chicago. He had been clear that he still wanted to be someone and have a purpose in the city. She knew he'd jokingly been calling himself a house-husband and was more than okay with doing more of the chores around the house, but she also knew he really wanted to get back out there and finally put Bolivia behind him.
They might have been thinking all along that the hard part was the recovery itself – the different therapy appointments, talking with each other, feeling better – but maybe that was just a small hill they needed to climb. Maybe there was a bigger one up ahead involving Jay's career, and that scared her.
She knew what was to come from therapy. She knew Jay would learn how to cope with what he'd gone through and would have an outlet to get out all his fears of the past and future. She also knew that the doctors would help him heal – give him exercises and medicine and help him return to his healthy self. She'd known all that from the very second she saw him laying in that hospital bed at Walter Reed.
What she didn't know, though, was what was to come from this job. It could possibly lead him down a wrong path again or cause too much stress or rip him from her again. Those were all worst case scenarios, but they were still possibilities. None of it was off the table.
The bathroom door opened, and Jay emerged fresh from the shower. Hailey glanced over at him and smiled slightly, putting her hand out to invite him to bed. He chuckled in response and climbed beneath the covers, his bare, warm skin wrapping around her.
"Feeling better?" she whispered.
"In a way," he murmured against her hair, "Felt good to just clean off and think about it all."
She hummed and glanced up at him, resting a hand on the side of his face. "Tell me about it."
Jay met her eyes as he shrugged slightly. She almost thought he wasn't going to say anything, but then he tugged the blankets further over them and said, "It's a good opportunity."
"Yeah," she replied softly, "The possibility to get promoted is right there. It'd be steady too."
"Still doing what I like," Jay added.
"And being in control," Hailey said, "You'd be in charge of yourself. You can teach others how you think things should be done. That's big, right?"
"I guess so, yeah." Jay's arms tightened around her as he breathed her in. Pressing his face down in her hair, he murmured, "Was nice of her to get it for me, too."
"Really nice," Hailey agreed. She brushed her hands over his back then asked, "Do you know what you're going to do?"
"Maybe…I think so," Jay said. He pulled back slightly and asked, "Mind telling me your thoughts, though?"
She nodded and played with the back of his hair as he wrapped one of her own loose curls around his finger. "I think it's a good idea. You'd do a great job. I think you underestimated how much of an influence you were on everyone in the unit before you left. It was more than just Dante; it was supporting Kevin and keeping Adam calm when the worst happened. It was finding Kim when she was kidnapped and trying to pull Voight in. Hell, it was teaching me and allowing me to grow as a cop as your partner. You had a rough go at the beginning with Dante, but you didn't give up and recognized that you could have done better. You gave him a second chance. This is your second chance at the police department. I think you should take it. Not to mention, I think you'll stop being a bullet magnet if you take it."
Jay laughed at that and said, "Thanks, real nice."
Hailey laughed with him and hugged him tightly. Pressing herself against him, she murmured, "I do support you, though. Whatever you choose to do, I'm on your side, but now you know my thoughts."
"Yeah," Jay sighed, "Thank you. I'll keep thinking about it. I think I do know what to do, but maybe…is it dumb if I keep debating it?"
"Not at all. You found out about the job like two hours ago. You can think over it for at least a day. Take your time," Hailey said softly.
"Mhmm." Jay tangled his fingers in the back of her hair then kissed the top of her head. "Thank you."
"Always."
They fell into a quiet silence, but Hailey could swear she could still hear Jay's mind racing. In response, she continued brushing her hand down his back, trying to soothe any of his worries away.
It was a big decision. The last time he'd made one, it'd sent him to Bolivia. He'd thought that one over for less than twenty-four hours, and they were both all too aware of what it'd done to them and their marriage. She knew that he was trying to be extra careful this time around, and she didn't blame him.
She just hoped he would make the right decision for himself on his own – not because of what she'd said or what Trudy had offered. This job and his future were for him. No one else.
A/N: Are you excited? I'm excited. I've been wanting to write this storyline for months, so I can't wait to actually get into it. Before then, though, I'll be taking another break from posting, but just for a week! I'm going on vacation, so the next chapter won't be posted until August 7. Actually, we can call it research for certain reasons that I'm also very excited to share with you in a few weeks. So until August 7, I hope you all liked this chapter and I'll talk to you soon! :)