A/N: Thank you for being patient! I've really appreciated how nice you've all been. I hope you enjoy the chapter!

Returning to work after a vacation was a luxury Hailey hadn't yet experienced. She'd gone on a couple long weekend trips with Jay or taken a day off here and there for personal matters, but it always felt like no time had passed when she'd return to work.

Now, she felt refreshed and ready to go.

There was a bit of the Beck case to catch up on, but nothing was too overwhelming. Honestly, not much had happened that affected her corner of the case. It took just two hours for Kevin to bring her up to speed before he was honest and said he wasn't quite sure when they'd be wrapping it all up even if the planned date went off as expected.

Hailey didn't mind. She could easily slip back within the familiar, slow case. It was still important and something she was going to dedicate all her work time to, but nothing that required a crazy amount of brain power just yet. She could ease back into the case with her mind still thinking of sunsets and cherries and Jay in any state of dress.

She was smiling to herself at the memory of Jay making her a big waffle breakfast the other morning as she filled her coffee cup in the break room when she was interrupted by Adam, seeing him for the first time since her return to work that day.

"You're looking happy and relaxed," he commented.

She glanced up from stirring creamer into her mug and laughed softly. "I feel relaxed," she said, "We'll just see how long it lasts."

Adam shook his head. "Hopefully a while. Doesn't seem like we're making much progress here. All we have is the date at the end of the month, but no more plans on what exactly is happening or why. It's been stagnant here."

"Stagnant isn't always a bad thing," Hailey commented, "Actually, I prefer it because otherwise you guys might have had to cut my trip short."

Adam chuckled and pulled out a bottle of water from the fridge. "I don't know if we would have called you home. You deserved the break. How was it? Would you go back?"

"Oh, it was really nice," Hailey replied, "The weather was perfect, and I've never seen a sunset like that. We talked about going back in the future, maybe even get a place of our own over there."

"Wow," Adam whistled, "Look at you: renewed your vows and now you're full on Mrs. Brady."

Hailey laughed loudly and made her way into one of the chairs. "Slow your roll. It was pretty much a honeymoon since we never got one of those in the first place."

Adam chuckled and shrugged. Taking a sip of water, he asked, "Jay working today?"

"Mhmm," Hailey hummed. She absentmindedly toyed with her phone in her pocket, yet didn't pull it out. She'd been waiting to hear from Jay all morning in hopes he'd give her any updates on how his training and paperwork was going, but he'd been silent. She couldn't decide if his silence was good or bad.

"Just small stuff, I think," she explained, "Some training, reviewing the curriculum, meeting the other instructors, stuff like that. I haven't heard from him."

"Probably a good thing like you were saying about the case being stagnant," Adam replied, "He hasn't been fired or turned away."

Hailey rolled her eyes. "Stupid joke," she said.

"Ah, come on," Adam said, "He's not going to get fired or told to leave. Jay was made for the academy job, and we all know it. Maybe he even inspired me to do it myself some day."

"Really?" Hailey asked with a soft laugh.

"We'd all be good at it," Adam said, "But, yeah, Al picked me up right from the academy; I think it'd be like repaying the universe if I went and did the same thing in the future."

"That makes sense," Hailey said softly.

Adam hummed in acknowledgement then nodded toward the door. "I gotta upload some recordings to the database, but we'll catch up more over lunch. I've always wanted to go to Holland."

Hailey snorted and watched him leave. "Liar!" she called out.

He laughed and waved her off before disappearing around the corner.

Hailey smiled slightly and sipped her coffee. Breathing in slowly, she wondered if he was right: would she actually be good at working at the academy like Jay? Everyone had been right in saying that Jay belonged there. It was the perfect job for him. He liked helping others and forming the future of the police department. Even if he was ending up there sooner than they all expected, it was still the right place for him to be.

She, on the other hand, couldn't exactly picture herself teaching full-time or running the program like Jay. She'd done a few lectures when asked about robbery-homicide and undercover work and even once about females in the police force, but it never seemed to spark anything within her. She felt much more comfortable working and living out her childhood dreams of being a detective compared to teaching others how to do it.

Though she recognized that she couldn't do this forever. Intelligence was a quick-paced, demanding job. The physical aspect of it was not something her body could keep up with forever. Children and pregnancy aside, she was going to get older eventually, and a job like working in the academy would be better suited for that than a job in the field.

The idea of a desk job, though, made her want to gouge her eyes out. Like Jay, staying still was never quite something she was good at. Maybe she was better at it than he was, but it still seemed like more paperwork than she liked and would keep her in one spot for far too long. She needed to find something eventually that didn't involve just sitting around each day, but also allowed her to grow as a detective.

However, it came to be that that thought would have to wait for the distance future because her phone was finally buzzing in her pocket with a text from Jay.

~ Do you think I'd get fired for teaching my own thing and not following the curriculum? ~

Hailey laughed softly and sipped at her coffee before responding.

~ Probably not recommended. What's wrong with it? ~

~ Just doesn't seem REAL. Obviously everyone needs to know what the law says, but I was kind of hoping to share real life experiences. Is that wrong? ~ Jay

~ Not wrong. I think you'll get that opportunity though. You just have to work it in. They're not going to come right out and say talk about death and lies on Day 4, you know? ~

She hit send before giving a second thought to what she'd said. Returning to her coffee, she stared at her phone, waiting for Jay to reply, and that's when it clicked.

Talk about death and lies on Day 4.

Hailey's heart dropped, and she pressed Jay's name on her screen to call him. She hadn't meant it as a dig at him, the words had come out before she could actually process them, and yet here she was off-handedly slapping her husband in the face.

He didn't answer, so Hailey squeezed her eyes shut and tried again.

She could tell herself that he was just busy at work or got pulled into a conversation, but her gut told her that wasn't what happened at all. She'd insulted him without meaning to, and now she felt like she was having to do damage control to figure it all out.

~ I didn't mean what I said. It was just a dumb joke. I'm one to talk anyways, you know? Call me. Please ~

Hitting send, Hailey chewed at her bottom lip as nerves flooded her system. It was stupid. They shouldn't have the conversation over text anyways. She knew so much got lost in translation, and this was the perfect example as to why. The thought of upsetting Jay on his first day at his new job practically killed her, and she would do anything to take it back.

~ Can't talk now, but I know it was nothing. The job is filled with lies and death. They deserve to hear about it and prepare. Talk to you at home ~ Jay

Hailey let out a breath at his reply and relaxed slightly in her seat. It wasn't perfect – actually, she really wasn't satisfied with the answer – but at least it was something that told her Jay wasn't ignoring her. Already, that felt like an improvement to how things had been months, even weeks, before.

Running a hand through her hair and then taking another sip of coffee, she stood and acknowledged that there was no point in overthinking it all. They couldn't have a proper conversation about this with each other for hours, so she needed to get to work.

She was always best at pushing her stress and personal thoughts to the side anyways.

As the day went on and Hailey finished getting caught up on all that had happened with the Becks, the thought of what Jay was going through remained as a dull ache on her mind. She knew what she'd said had bothered him, and, try as she might, she couldn't ignore that. She might have been good at ignoring everything about Jay that stressed her out months before, but her heart knew that was the wrong choice. Ignoring Jay had only ever resulted in getting upset and worrying even more about him than before. It caused her to spin out and make stupid decisions. Today was no different.

Her mind was obviously elsewhere during a team meeting about what Adam would be doing undercover in the following days: Dante had to nudge her on at least one occasion where she was asked if she could take the first van shift with him while she was wondering if Jay was eating lunch by himself or with anyone else. When she went out with Kim to check on a case with a few patrol officers Trudy needed help with, she made a wrong turn while driving and cost them five minutes as they rerouted back to the scene. There were a few looks from Voight that she couldn't ignore as she struggled to focus back in on whatever she was supposed to be doing throughout the day.

The truth of the matter was she knew she shouldn't be ignoring her personal thoughts and feelings. Everything that she'd gone through with Jay months before just proved to her that she worked best when she leaned into her heart and mind, even if it was painful to think about.

"You seemed a bit distracted today," Kevin quietly observed as they walked out to their cars at the end of their shift, "Was your vacation hard to shake after our meeting?"

Hailey sighed and shook her head. Shoving her hands in her coat pockets, she said, "No, it wasn't that at all. Actually, the vacation helped clear my mind. When I was working alone after lunch, I felt like I had a fresh view on everything. I was thinking we could try a new approach to get Richard to share a bit more with Adam."

Kevin slowly nodded along with her. "Makes sense, but that didn't seem to be what you were thinking about while we were making the plans for the week."

Hailey glanced up at him then back over her shoulder where she could see Dante, Adam, and Kim coming down the stairs. She sucked in a slow breath as she pushed open the garage door and said, "It wasn't. Jay's first day was today, and I kind of said something stupid to him in a text. Was just worrying about what he was going through."

Kevin hummed in acknowledgement. "Well, texting is rough. Maybe he didn't-"

"He did," Hailey interrupted with a sigh, "I know. I just wasn't hoping for a fight tonight, especially after yesterday."

"What was yesterday?" Kevin automatically asked.

Hailey shook her head and pulled her keys out. Unlocking her car, she ignored what he'd said with her own question: "Do you have plans for dinner?"

Kevin shot her a look that told her he knew exactly what she was doing, but instead of pushing her for more information, he said, "Jordan and I were planning on getting pizza. Do you two want to join us?"

"No, that's okay," Hailey said quietly, "Just looking for dinner ideas."

Kevin smiled slightly and nodded. "Good luck," he said with a nod toward her car, "Everything will work out. You two are strong. I didn't just renew your vows for you because I like you two; I did it because I believe in your marriage."

At that, he turned and walked away, leaving Hailey feeling a bit calmer than she'd been as they'd come outside together.

She believed in her marriage too. She didn't have a choice to do anything but believe in her marriage. This was forever. She'd vowed forever with Jay and then reaffirmed it over the past few days while on vacation. What had happened today was just a bump; it was not the end of the world and certainly not the end of their marriage. It was most definitely possible for them to come back from this.

Driving home, Hailey thought back to when she'd crank the radio too loud or download random podcasts that required her to think of nothing but the words blaring out at her. It was a period of her life when thinking of Jay was painful. She didn't want to have to return to that.

Jay's truck was already in the parking lot when she arrived, so she hurried up to the apartment, knowing there was no putting off the inevitable. They needed to talk about their day, and it needed to be soon.

"Hey! You're home a little earlier than I was expecting," Jay greeted as she stepped inside their home, "Sorry, dinner won't be ready for another twenty minutes. I put some stuffing and chicken together."

"That's fine," Hailey said softly, shucking off her shoes and jacket, "Listen, can we talk?"

Jay's face fell slightly, and he sighed. "Hailey, it's not-"

"Jay, please."

She walked over to the couch and sat, turning in her seat to stare at him expectantly. He held her gaze for a moment before nodding and walking over to sit next to her.

Immediately, she grabbed his hand and said, "I am so sorry. That text was stupid and thoughtless."

"I get it," Jay responded, "You were just talking in general. I know it wasn't a dig at me. Like you said, you've made mistakes too."

"I-I…okay. Okay. Thank you," Hailey said quietly.

Jay raised an eyebrow then smiled slightly and placed a hand on the side of her face. "What happened today? Were you worrying about it all day?"

"Kind of," Hailey quietly admitted, "I didn't want us to hit a snag in our marriage after things were so good."

"No, no, never," Jay said, "It's gonna take a lot more than a text to put a snag in our marriage, and, even then, it won't destroy us. Wasn't that what this last week was about?"

A smile flickered across Hailey's face, and she nodded. "I was thinking the same thing, actually. If possible, I feel even closer to you after our mini honeymoon."

Jay chuckled and nodded. "I know what you mean. It was a good break for us, and it set us up for this little stuff. I'm sorry I didn't answer you right away earlier and couldn't talk when you called. I think I was kind of shocked at what you said and just needed a minute."

"Which is okay," Hailey replied quickly, "Smart, even. I probably should have hit the pause button before hitting the send button."

Jay let out a laugh and pulled her against his chest. "You've got to stop beating yourself up about it, okay? Hailey, it means nothing. If it must mean something, to me, it means that you forgot what I'd done and moved on. I appreciate that. Can we drop it now?"

Hailey smiled slightly and nodded again. "Okay," she said softly. She kissed his cheek then sat up. "Dropping it immediately. I'll go change before dinner, though, and then I want to hear about everything you did today."

"Looking forward to it," Jay replied with a smile. He rubbed her back as she stood, but otherwise remained on the couch while she made her way into the bedroom.

Grabbing a pair of sweatpants and an old t-shirt, Hailey entered the bathroom while letting out a long breath. She should have known that her text wasn't going to cause issues, but the fear that still seemed to linger in the back of her mind from all the misunderstandings and miscommunications while Jay was gone wasn't something that would just disappear because he was home. It was perhaps one of the reasons as to why she should look into therapy.

Hailey shook that thought from her mind, though, and began changing out of her work clothes. She had other things to worry about right now.

By the time she was relaxed and walking back into the kitchen, Jay was setting their dishes at the island. He glanced over his shoulder and asked, "How was work?"

"I'm sure you know how it went," she replied, "So you tell me, how was your day?"

Jay chuckled. "Boring compared to yours."

"Ah yes, reading through everyone's notes from the past few days and listening to a bunch of audio, so exciting," Hailey teased while sitting at the island.

Jay smirked and stood behind her to wrap his arms around her. Lightly squeezing her when she leaned back into him, he murmured, "Like I said, I was hoping for a bit more freedom in the classes, but I get it."

Hailey nodded and rubbed her hands over his arms. "And, like I said, it's all how you spin it and teach the class. You can work in real experiences, your experiences, and teach these kids how it's done. You're a good detective, babe, don't forget that. You've got a lot to share."

She could feel him smile against her cheek as he hummed at her words. "Thank you," he breathed, "Just been a bit since I actually was a detective. Might take a minute to reignite that piece of me."

Hailey's eyes flickered over to the picture on the counter of her, Jay, and Adam outside a patrol car and slowly shook her head. "I don't know," she said softly, "I think it's always been a part of you. The second you are back in that role, even if you're just teaching others, it's going to click." She spun in her chair to reach up and place her hands on either side of Jay's face. "I believe in you."

He visibly relaxed and sent her a genuine smile. "Now that is something I'm going to take to heart. You're…you always know what to say."

"Maybe," she said with a shrug, "Or maybe I just get lucky every once in a while."

Jay laughed and kissed her forehead. "You're lucky often." Stepping away from her, he glanced in the oven and nodded to himself before pulling their dinner out. "Hungry?"

"Very much so," Hailey said. She waited for Jay to be seated next to her before she continued her earlier conversation: "What exactly is on the list of subjects to teach at the academy? I want to know how you're gonna be shaping the minds of tomorrow. Then, we can figure out where you can insert one of your hero stories too."

Jay laughed loudly and served both of them. "I'm not going to share a 'hero' story with them."

"Oh, I completely disagree," Hailey said. Picking up her fork, she spread out her dinner to cool it off, then added, "Some of them are just going to be there because they don't know what else to do with their life; they haven't all wanted to be a cop from the day they were born. You have to instill that want in them, so be cool."

"Be cool?" Jay repeated with a skeptical smirk, "Please tell me a time you thought I was cool."

Hailey laughed and took a bite of chicken. She hummed to herself then said, "You were pretty cool at the mosque. Remember that one? Going in on your own to talk down a veteran and then saving all of those people? That was cool."

A flush crossed Jay's face, and Hailey had a feeling he wasn't exactly expecting a real answer from her.

So she continued: "And don't forget when you walked in a room where a guy had a spray bottle of flesh-eating bacteria, and you got him talking long enough that I could get a shot. Also cool."

Jay finally chuckled and shook his head. "Both of those make me sound stupid."

"They make you sound brave," Hailey corrected, "Jay, you…you risk your life to save other people, and we could make the argument that all of us do it, but you very well could have died both of those times. You weren't doing those things just because it was your job. You were doing them because you knew it was the right thing to do, and, Jay, you do that often."

She sucked in a breath and bit the inside of her lip, hoping that he'd understand what she was saying: that his few mistakes, that what took him away from her the year before, all of that meant nothing compared to the good he'd done. No one, not even himself, could erase the positivity and life he brought to the world.

Jay broke her gaze after a moment and poked at his food. Taking a bite, he waited until he'd completely swallowed and had a sip of water before quietly replying, "Maybe my first lesson revolves around that: they're going to make mistakes and do stupid things for the right reasons, but what will matter is going home at the end of the day and knowing they did something good most of the time. It takes time, and I'm still not convinced I'm good at it, but you've taught me that I need to try."

A smile flickered across Hailey's face, and she nodded. "You do," she said softly, "We both do. I think we learned that the hard way over the past two years or so, huh?"

Jay smirked at his plate then nodded as well. "Yeah," he breathed. Glancing up at her, he took a deep breath and said, "But we survived."

"We survived," Hailey repeated.

Jay's eyes searched hers, and she felt like everything over the past two years of their life flashed through her mind:

Starting their serious relationship under less than ideal circumstances.

Kim's kidnapping.

Killing Roy.

PTSD showing up for the both of them.

The FBI.

Almost dying.

Anna's death.

Bolivia.

More PTSD and crying and fighting and escaping death and scraping together a successful marriage.

It wasn't easy, but it seemed to be worth it.

No.

It was worth it.

She and Jay were worth all the trials and tribulations they had to go through, but this was their chance to prove to the world that not only had they survived, but that they were going to do good with all they'd learned. Jay was going to train a new generation of cops, and maybe it wouldn't be easy, but he'd be able to teach them how to grow from all the nasty situations they were sure to experience. And she…

Hailey still didn't know where her future was heading, but she'd get there.

It would take work and getting used to being in Intelligence without her husband while he was back in Chicago, but it wouldn't be impossible. And once she figured it out, she'd be able to move up in her life: give herself everything she never thought she could have when she was a kid and then again when Jay was in Bolivia. Maybe she really could have a family or become a sergeant of her own unit or even go into a completely new field – even if that wasn't exactly something she could ever see happening. She could put in the work, though, and form a new life, a happier life, and be the best her she possibly could be.

That's what all of this was about. It had to be.

Jay reached over to grab her hand before bringing it up to his lips. He brushed a kiss over her knuckles before leaning forward and kissing her slowly.

"We survived," he repeated against her ear when he finally pulled back, leaving her breathless in more ways than one.

She closed her eyes and nodded against him.

They'd survived.

Part of that survival was going to take work, something Hailey was all too used to. They didn't get to this part of their lives by just going through the motions; they needed to continuously talk to each other while still taking time for themselves and finding the best way to truly live their lives.

And, try as she might to do the bare minimum, Jay wasn't going to have her just skating by. He didn't simply forget that she promised she'd go to therapy, and Hailey knew why: he was still going to his weekly appointments and working through everything that had happened in Bolivia and thereafter while also beginning all of the training that he needed to start at the academy in the coming weeks, not to mention how determined he was through his almost daily trips to the gym.

Hailey almost felt jealous. There were hard days, of course, with Jay coming home in a dark mood because whatever he'd been talking about at therapy had triggered something within him or because his shoulder had flared up at the gym and he couldn't complete his intended circuit, but, overall, he was doing really well. She tried keeping up with him: her early morning runs helped clear her mind, and she fell into a great groove at work where she wasn't staying as late anymore – Trudy even stepped in to make sure Voight wasn't pushing her too hard, saying she deserved a slow month for once.

However, fear still crept in the back of her mind. Jay could get in a car accident again. She could fire her gun at the wrong person. Anything really was possible, and it was hard to tell herself that these fears were fake. Anything could happen.

They'd been back a week, a week since Jay asked Hailey to start therapy and a week since she agreed to it, when he brought it up again.

She was sitting on the couch after a long day at work, her legs up in Jay's lap as they watched some cheesy movie from the eighties they'd watched countless times in their relationship. It was their movie, the one that was on the first night she ever slept over Jay's house and the one they always found themselves turning on whenever they were bored. It was predictable, and they could practically recite all the lines to each other, but it made for easy watching when the world was spinning around them.

They hadn't watched it since Jay was in the hospital, but Hailey didn't question him when he flipped it on after dinner. She'd spent the entire day pouring over blueprints with Kevin and could use something mind-numbing to turn her brain off.

She did become suspicious, though, when Jay threw a bag of popcorn in the microwave and grabbed two bottles of beer from the fridge. She'd partly expected that tonight would end in them having sex before the credits rolled across the screen, she wasn't expecting a full-on movie night.

"Jay," she said softly within half an hour of the movie starting.

He glanced away from the TV and hummed, a handful of popcorn already halfway toward his mouth.

"Is something going on?" she asked, "We haven't had a night in like this in a while."

"Just thought you could use the break," Jay replied, "And I know I want to just chill out this week before everything really starts."

Hailey made a soft noise in understanding, but still wasn't quite sure he was telling the truth. She sipped her beer and lifted her feet from the couch cushion to set them on his thigh.

Jay chuckled to himself and set his free hand on her ankle. Absentmindedly, he brushed his fingers back and forth over her bit of skin that was peaking out from her leggings.

Hailey relaxed into the couch and rested her head to the side without turning back to the TV. Jay had something to say, and she needed to hear it.

"You talk to Kim about therapy at all?"

Hailey's heart sank.

She wasn't expecting the therapy conversation to return for a while. If she combed back through her memory to when she and Jay were first partners, she gave him a few weeks at least before bringing therapy up. He could have given her the same courtesy.

"Sorry?" she asked.

"Therapy," Jay repeated. He set his popcorn bowl down, paused the movie on the TV, and turned enough on the couch to face her, all while keeping a hold on her ankles on top of him. "I was hoping you'd ask Kim who she goes to see."

Hailey swallowed a sudden lump in her throat and shook her head. "I haven't asked," she murmured so quietly that she wasn't even convinced she heard the words herself.

Jay nodded and squeezed her ankles. "Maybe mine can recommend someone. I don't think it'd be right for you to go where I go. Conflict of interest or something, right?"

Hailey couldn't believe the words coming out of his mouth. Years before, he was the one avoiding therapy and being vulnerable, and, now, in some weird twist of fate, the roles were reversed. She didn't know what she thought of it.

"Who are you and what have you done with my therapy avoiding husband?" she asked softly, the slight tease in her voice evident as an attempt to make light of the situation.

Jay smirked slightly and said, "I'm a changed man."

It broke through Hailey's dam, and she laughed, tossing a handful of popcorn at him just as he shot her a teasing wink.

"Hey!" he yelled, "What the hell was that for?"

"For being annoying," she laughed, "A changed man? Please."

"I am," Jay chuckled, "You taught me that therapy is okay and that I can talk through what's going on in my head. Then there's the whole almost dying thing. New appreciation for life, you know?"

Hailey couldn't help but laugh in disbelief again. Shaking her head, she ate a piece of popcorn and breathed, "You're unbelievable."

Jay smiled then tugged her popcorn bowl out of her hand. Setting it next to his own, he scooted closer to her on the couch, her legs folding up even further as they were still draped over his thighs while he moved.

"Come here," Jay said, slipping a hand beneath her hair to tilt her chin up. He raised an eyebrow when she met his gaze and asked, "What's scaring you? Why can't you do this for yourself?"

"It…Jay," she said exasperatedly, "This is not just for me, and you know it."

"No," he said, "It's not, but it's mostly for you. You are the core of why you should be doing this. Why can't you accept help? Haven't we been over this? We cannot do everything on our own. We tried that way, and we failed pretty badly. I don't want to do that again. I want us to have a good marriage. We talked about surviving the past couple years, but don't you think this will help us survive the next few?"

Hailey pursed her lips, but she had to shrug. He had a point. Nothing bad could come out of her talking to anyone about all the scary feelings that were constantly swirling around her mind. She could remember when Jay had ended his first round at therapy when they were still partners and told her that it wasn't helping anymore and just about sharing stories. She'd respected it and the fact that he'd still gone as long as he had.

Why couldn't she give him that?

He wasn't saying she needed to go forever, but that she needed to go now. She needed help now.

"We just have so little time together," she tried weakly.

"Hailey," Jay scoffed. He rubbed a hand up her leg until it rested on her knee. "Come on, talk to me."

"I am talking to you."

"Don't be sassy; I'm trying to help."

"Are you? Because to me it sounds like you're trying to force my problems on someone else."

"All right."

Jay lightly pushed her legs off of him then stood up, and Hailey closed her eyes. It was a low blow - an extremely low blow that she knew she didn't even believe was true. Jay was not trying to push her off onto someone else; she was just scared and lashing out by saying things she didn't truly mean.

"Jay, I'm sorry."

He waved her off and walked over to the door. "I'm going for a run."

Hailey's eyes widened, and she glanced at the night sky through the windows. "It's almost nine. It's dark outside."

"You've gone for plenty of runs in the dark," Jay replied without looking up from shoving his shoes on.

"Yeah, but…Jay, it's Monday night, we're supposed to be watching a movie."

He finally glanced up at her as he pulled out an old sweatshirt he kept in the closet by the door for when he'd go on a rare run. "We're supposed to be talking to each other and preparing for this next part of our lives. I start teaching next week and was hoping we could spend these next few days together and make plans for how we're going to figure it out. I don't want us to just jump in without a plan. We want to survive this next adventure? Well, then we need to actually try."

"Jay, please-"

But by the time she was off the couch, he was already out the door.

Hailey closed her eyes against a sudden onslaught of tears and sank into the couch. She was completely aware that this was her fault. She was the one pushing Jay away, and the irony wasn't lost on her. Months before, she stood in almost this exact same spot and listened as Jay pushed her away at an attempt to save himself. He went into Bolivia without a plan, and it blew up in his face – literally.

Now, here she was, practically telling him that they could survive without a plan as they embarked on this next adventure of their lives. She didn't need help. She was okay. She could deal with her fears on her own.

All of it was a huge lie, and she knew it.

The truth of the matter was that she hated that she needed more help than she'd ever needed before. She could not sweep her problems under the rug or rely solely on Jay to fix them. Jay's absence in her life followed by him almost dying broke something in her, and she didn't know how to fix it. Her heart had been stomped on, and no amount of kisses or I love yous could make it bounce back. That was work that she needed to do on her own.

She forgave Jay - that much was true. She knew why he'd left even if she didn't agree with it. They had moved past that part of their lives the second they decided to renew their vows. They were starting a new chapter together, but that chapter could either be rocky and bring pain to them both or it could be like the sand beneath their feet as they watched the sunset – smooth and virtually painless.

The thing was, rocks turned into sand. It took time to break through the hard exterior and turn pebbles into Lake Michigan sand, but they had time. Perhaps they could even turn those pebbles into something amazing.

Hailey glanced at the tiny diamond ring still wrapped around her finger then grabbed her phone off the coffee table. She shot a quick text to Kim asking if they could get breakfast the next day before hurrying off the couch toward the front door.

The air had a warm breeze as Hailey lightly jogged around the block. She had a feeling where she'd find Jay – or, at least, what path he would have taken to get there.

He didn't go for runs often, so she was ready to bet money that he had taken the path she'd shown him the year before when he'd insisted on going running with her. He had a good head start on her, though, so she worked her way through a few short cuts until she could see Jay slowly walking up ahead of her.

"Jay," she panted as she sped up, "Jay!"

He continued walking, though, and she wasn't sure if he couldn't hear her or if he was ignoring her. Instead of leaving it to the unknown, Hailey grunted softly and pushed forward until she was right up behind him and could yell again with her hand out toward his back.

"Jay!"

He spun around just as her hand touched his back, sending them both off their feet and onto the grass nearby.

Jay swore and grabbed her before her head could hit the concrete. "What the hell are you doing?"

Hailey quickly sat up, a fire starting to flare through her as she caught her breath. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I was stupid. I-I have been a bitch about this entire thing and-and tonight was-"

"Hey, hey, slow down, slow down," Jay said. He shook his head and sat up next to her, grabbing her hand on the grass between the two of them.

With his hand wrapped around her own, Hailey could feel the panic that began building within her back at the apartment start to fade. She closed her eyes for a brief moment then whispered, "You're not giving up on me. You told me that, and yet I said that horrible thing today. That's not what any of this is, and I need to get my head out of my ass and realize that."

Jay weakly smiled and shook his head. "I get why you're doing it – why you said it. Hailey, I was in the same position years ago. I also didn't want to go to therapy, so I get where you're coming from."

"Exactly, but here I am still being awful," Hailey said. She sniffled and wiped her eyes quickly before any tears could possibly fall. "I refuse to admit that I'm wrong or that I could possibly need help, and I'm taking it all out on you, and I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry."

"I know," Jay said softly, "Trust me, I know." He squeezed her hand and took a deep breath. "I also shouldn't have left. That was rude."

"Well, I was rude so…"

Jay chuckled and shook his head. "Hailey…"

She tried to smile and wiped at her face again.

He knew what she was going through, and she knew what was going through his mind. If she thought back to telling Jay to go to therapy, she could so clearly remember telling him she'd get a new partner if he didn't take it seriously. Jay would never say something like that to her now, but he had needed to figure something out, so he walked away. It wasn't him giving up and leaving her; it was him trying to look at the conflict from a new angle. He was trying to be practical and not just respond with his emotions like she did.

Like her father used to do.

Jay was trying to clear his mind and be the best partner she needed. He was being a good man about all of this, and realizing that made Hailey take a deep breath.

Jay was everything she wasn't used to, and that was okay. It was just another thing for her to get used to even after being in a relationship with him for years. She shouldn't have been surprised, but perhaps his sudden disappearance in October had caused that fear to return to her heart.

This could be her chance to undo it, to show herself that there was no reason to be scared. She needed to believe Jay, and that needed to start right now.

"I'm sorry," she said softly, "I am…I feel like I've messed up a lot over the past week as we're figuring out what exactly renewing our vows means."

Jay shook his head and gave another quick squeeze to her hand. "Do you realize we were only married for ten months before I left? That is nothing, really. In the grand scheme of life, of that forever we keep talking about, ten months is a drop in the bucket. We're still new at this and trying to figure it out. That's okay."

Hailey tried to smile and nodded. "I guess it is. Feels like a long time though."

Jay chuckled and let out a long breath. "Really did, but it wasn't, so that's probably why we're both making mistakes. We're in that weird period of anything where you're trying to navigate all the issues."

"Like starting a new job," Hailey breathed while looking down at the grass, "Jay, I'm so sorry."

He lightly knocked his shoulder to hers then said, "We're not the only couple in the world to get married and start a new job. I'm sure this is normal. Our problems aren't just our problems."

Hailey nodded absentmindedly and brushed the back of her hand under her eye. She sniffled and glanced up at him. "Guess that's the point of therapy, huh? To talk to someone who's seen this before and knows better ways to deal with it than what I can do on my own?"

Jay rubbed his hand over her back and nodded back. "Exactly. You taught me that."

Hailey weakly laughed and leaned back on her hands. "I used to be smart."

"You used to ignore your problems," Jay corrected. He bit his lip for a moment then said, "For as long as I've known you, you push everything to the side and focus on the good or what you can control. I think it's just all caught up with you and became too hard to do on your own."

Hailey sighed and tipped her head back to the sky. Closing her eyes against the stars, she knew exactly what Jay was talking about. She had to agree that, like her husband, she liked to fix things. Sitting around was never her strong suit. It was why she needed to become obsessed with something while Jay was gone. Sean and piecing the human trafficking case together was her attempt to fix something when everything else was falling apart. She could have fixed herself, but that was too hard, too personal and vulnerable to properly do.

Now, with Jay home, she was left with no other choice. She hadn't connected with the Beck case quite like Adam had and couldn't force herself to forget all other responsibilities because of it. Therapy and working through all her fears was her only chance to truly move forward. She needed to break her nasty habit and finally truly live like she wanted to. Like what Jay wanted for her.

Like her uncle would have wanted.

"Yeah," she breathed as she turned her head to properly look at him, "I push off everything I should do for myself and focus on others. Maybe that's why we're best together: you do the same thing. We need someone else looking out for us."

"And there's no one else I'd rather have looking out for me than you," Jay said. He leaned over to press a kiss to her cheek then whispered, "I love you."

A smile flickered across Hailey's face, and she whispered back, "I love you too."

Jay made a soft noise of acknowledgment then glanced around at their surroundings. Chuckling to himself, he stood up and put a hand out. "We should probably get home."

"And finish the movie?" Hailey asked while standing with his help.

Jay laughed and shook his head. "Do we really need to finish it? Pretty sure we could recite it ourselves at this point."

"But what's the fun of that?" Hailey countered, wrapping an arm around Jay's waist and leaning into him as they walked.

Jay kissed the top of her head. "None. Movie, popcorn, beer, and maybe even you in bed before going to sleep?"

Laughing with him, Hailey nodded. "Or me on the couch?"

"Both, I'd actually like both."

Hailey laughed harder and hugged Jay tightly.

Ten months was not a long time to be married to anyone. It was normal to hit bumps, especially when their bumps included death and war and struggles far beyond what many "normal" couples experienced during their entire marriage.

They needed help, and, while she still wasn't used to accepting it or asking for it, she knew it was necessary when giving them the best chance to take their marriage to the next level.

They needed to do more than just survive.

They needed to live.

So maybe it included long talks out in the warm Chicago night underneath the stars. Maybe it included overdone movies and popcorn that got stuck in their teeth. Maybe it included spilt beer on their couch cushions because they got a little too excited as the credits rolled on the TV.

And maybe it was about to be the happiest Hailey had been in months.

Maybe this was what she needed to learn before the idea of living her life took on a whole new meaning.

A/N: Until next week!