A/N: Hi there! So glad so many of you were excited to meet Theo :) I'm excited to share these next few chapters with you to dive a bit deeper into Hailey's past. Hope you enjoy!

A constant waiting. Staring. Listening for that buzz. Do I matter? Am I on his mind? Was it really love?

It feels silly as I wait. Vigil as if he's once again injured in a hospital bed and I'm wishing upon the stars above that he'll open his eyes and return to me. This isn't waiting for him to wake, but waiting for him to notice I'm alive.

It's silly because it is.

I'm not 16. I'm not waiting for a date to prom. I'm waiting for my husband to text me. My husband to text me. That is silly.

My husband loves me, at least that's what I tell myself. He placed a ring on my finger, and yet now I'm waiting for him to ring my phone.

Ring my phone.

Hailey scrunched up her nose and crossed the words out.

She'd woken up early despite the margaritas and Jay's lingering kisses from the night before. He was still sleeping next to her, blankets pushed down to his waist in an attempt to cool his skin in the middle of the night. She'd been half-asleep curled into his side hours before when she'd heard him mumble about being 'too damn hot.' In the moment, it'd worried her, and she thought he was having some sort of nightmare, but then she tuned into the sweat beginning to bead at the back of her neck and realized it was their apartment that was too hot, not his dream. She helped him deal with it by scooting away from him, quietly reassuring him that it was okay and that she understood, and grabbing the remote for their fan to turn it on.

It put him to sleep within minutes, and now she was left sitting alone with her journal in her lap trying to work through her dream. It'd been a lot of just her phone. She was sitting in random places – the apartment, the bullpen, her childhood bedroom – just staring at her phone waiting for it to ring with Jay's name on the screen.

At least, that's what she assumed was going to happen.

In the back of her mind, she wondered if she was waiting for her brother to text or call her. Seeing Theo sat weird in her gut. As she'd waited for sleep to welcome her, she kept thinking back to seeing him at the restaurant. Jay had said he'd noticed them on their way out, but perhaps he'd noticed them before that as well.

She still didn't want to think about it, though. She wasn't ready to deal with Theo and her family and all of their thoughts about Jay when she had just recently fully wrapped her head around it herself. Moving forward was her only option at this point and, truthfully, all she wanted to do. Nothing about looking back at Jay's mistakes or his time in Bolivia appealed to her. She was working on healing, and it seemed to be working; Theo's return to her life could diminish that, and she wanted to avoid that happening if possible.

Jay stirred next to her, and she glanced down to see him rolling onto his side next to her. He groaned and rubbed a hand over his face before mumbling, "You awake?"

"Yes," she laughed softly, setting her journal and pen down on her side table. "Good morning."

"Morning," he sighed as she laid back down next to him. He reached a hand out to brush his fingers over her tattoo then blinked his eyes open a few times. "Did you sleep okay?"

"Good enough," she answered. She pushed up to kiss his cheek before saying, "Probably better than you."

"Yeah, god," Jay mumbled. He rolled onto his back and pressed his palms into his eyes. "Why was it so damn hot in here?"

"Because summer's starting," Hailey said with a sigh, "Guess we have to turn the air up."

"If you don't mind," Jay said. He turned his head on his pillow to get a better look at her and added, "You can wear my sweatshirts if it's too cold."

Hailey laughed and shook her head. "I can deal with air conditioning. I don't mind when it's cranked up – definitely much better than the heat outside. Actually, when we were growing up, that was kind of the only luxury we had during the summer."

Jay raised an eyebrow. "Yeah?"

Hailey bit the inside of her lip and nodded.

Despite their years long friendship and being married for over a year and a half now, there were still pieces of her childhood that she kept from Jay. Things like this weren't exactly secrets, just stuff she didn't think about often. They were memories placed way back in her mind that needed some sort of trigger to surface again. In this case, she couldn't remember the last time she even thought of growing up during the summer in her house.

"The kitchen at the diner would get warm from mid-June through August," she explained softly, "So my dad would keep the house pretty cold to combat it. It could be uncomfortable, especially at night, but there was an upside: if he came home and was able to cool down, his temper would settle too. He was always angriest when it was hot."

Jay nodded slightly and put his hand out to squeeze hers above the blankets. "I can't imagine," he said softly, "But it makes sense. Everyone hates being hot."

Hailey sniffled and nodded as well. "My uncle's house was always a safe place, though, no matter the time of year. He knew. They all knew. We…we could go there if we needed a place to lay low for a bit until he sobered up or cooled down or just stopped yelling. It was so messed up."

"No one deserves to live like that," Jay whispered.

"I know."

Hailey moved closer to him as he put an arm out, and she set her head on his bicep. Closing her eyes, she hummed and tried relaxing. She hadn't wanted to think back on growing up or even talk about it this morning, but it'd slipped out without any real thought being put into it.

If she'd learned anything from talking with Robin or writing in her journal, it was that her spur of the moment, word vomit situations where she poured out her heart were important. She needed to get the information out so she wouldn't linger on it for long. Even now, it felt better to share that little memory with Jay. It made her heart a little lighter, especially since Theo was still sitting in the back of her mind.

The thought of him made her sigh, and she was sadly too aware of what she needed to do. Sitting up, she said, "Should I call Theo? Or at least text him?"

Jay frowned and sat up next to her. "What do you want to do?"

"I don't know," she said, "That's why I'm asking."

"Right, sorry," Jay said. He cleared his throat and added, "Well, give me a reason why you should talk to him."

Hailey sighed and leaned back against the headboard. "I've been thinking about him. Even when I was sleeping, I was thinking about my phone, which is dumb, I know, but maybe it was telling me to call him."

"Your dreams were telling you to call your brother?" Jay asked.

Hailey shot him a glare and said, "If you're going to make fun of me-"

"No, no, I'm not doing that," Jay said quickly, "I'm just making sure I'm on the same page as you. I get it: dreams can definitely tell us stuff that's in the back of our head. All those stupid PTSD dreams I get have told me that more than I ever expected. I guess I just never put more thought into it than 'this sucks, I can't breathe.'"

Hailey softened slightly and nodded. "Right, and…and I have. While you were gone, I had so many dreams and nightmares about you. There were lots of times where I thought about how I was scared or couldn't breathe, but then I tried putting more thought into it and looked online for what some of them could mean before realizing that was kind of dumb and just focused on you. It helped me get through it."

Moments like when she'd lay in bed imagining him holding her or what he'd whisper in her ear to calm her down. Even just thinking back to all the good memories they had together, the ones that made her smile and her heart skip a beat. Jay could calm her in ways that she couldn't do herself.

Her brother, on the other hand, certainly could not.

"A reason why I shouldn't call him: it'd drag up the past," she admitted quietly, "Not just the past as in growing up, but the past from when you were gone. They were so…none of them were supportive, and I don't even know if they tried."

She internally winced at saying all of this aloud. In the back of her mind, she knew it had to hurt Jay to hear how her family disapproved of what he'd done. She'd told him once before, and now it was coming back into a conversation. Another reason why she didn't want to talk to Theo.

She couldn't imagine Jay getting anything positive out of her – or even himself – talking to Theo. She had no doubt that Theo would tell Jay, without any regrets, that he should have stayed, that Bolivia was the wrong choice, and that he couldn't have truly loved her if he left. Hearing it all again after she'd worked so hard to heal from having those very thoughts herself would scratch at fading scars. It'd ache and make her feel isolated all over again.

She didn't know what it'd do to her heart. Maybe it'd make her feel guilty about Jay getting upset by all of that, but then again, she didn't know if it was good for him to hear the negative results of his actions. While she knew he had a very good idea of what had happened to her, she also knew he'd never understand the full story. Talking with Theo would at least reveal a little more to him that he'd yet to hear.

It was a harsh reminder that Bolivia wasn't just going to remain in the past. It would never leave their minds and was forever a part of their story – both individually and as a couple. The idea of one day explaining to their kids that there was a gap in pictures of them together or why their father was covered in scars haunted her. She didn't want to share the darkest months of her life with anyone else, but it was also a time that made them who they are.

Had Jay not left, they probably would not have renewed their vows – at least not for many years. Neither of them would have started therapy. Jay wouldn't be working at the academy just yet. She wouldn't have taken on a larger role within the unit. Their communication wouldn't be kept behind walls from the other. They were no longer hiding their relationship or keeping it under wraps from the world.

They were happy with who they were individually and together. There was nothing wrong with that and certainly nothing wrong with being even more in love than they were before.

These silver linings were hard to see and acknowledge for a while, but they did exist. Some good did come out of Bolivia, and the idea of having to explain that to her younger brother felt exhausting. How was she supposed to tell Theo that while Jay had hurt her, they were in a much better place than they were before and it all ended up okay in a way they had never expected? She didn't even know if he'd ever been in love himself. There was no way to know that he would understand, and, because of that, she wondered if having any sort of conversation about it with Theo would really be worth the time or stress.

Hailey wiped at her eyes and glanced up at Jay. There was no denying that her words upset him, and she didn't blame him. She would have been rather upset if Will had outwardly disliked her. She guessed she got pretty lucky in the in-law department, and she hated that Jay couldn't say the same.

"I'm sorry," he breathed, "And it's not just for leaving you and-and everything we've worked through over the past few months, but I'm especially sorry for…" He sighed before taking a deep breath and looking down at his hands twisting around the comforter. "I'm sorry that your family wasn't supportive. I'm not saying they should have taken my side or been for me going to Bolivia, but it sounds like they weren't listening to you at all or going along with what you were thinking. That had to have been frustrating. You deserved to have people listening to you and loving you through it all, not telling you what to do or what you should believe. I'm sorry that I'm at the root of that. That was never, ever my intention."

"Jay."

Hailey frowned and grabbed at his hands. Squeezing them tightly, she opened her mouth to reply then shut it and shook her head. Nothing she could say would make any of his guilt over what had happened go away.

So she pushed the blankets away and crawled onto his lap. Sitting on his legs with their hands pressed between them, she whispered, "I know. I know, Jay." She dropped his hands and placed hers on either side of his face. "And this is why I don't want to bring Theo back in my life," she continued softly, "I don't want us to drag all of that up. My family is behind me. You are my family now, and you are everything I need. I promise you."

Jay stared in her eyes, and she wished that he could read her mind. He needed to know that she was telling the truth, that she had moved on from Bolivia and was living in the present with no regrets. He needed to know she loved him with her whole heart, no matter what her family wanted her to do.

He nodded slightly and breathed, "I believe you."

Hailey let out a breath she'd been holding and leaned forward to wrap her arms around him. Resting her head against his, she murmured, "I love you."

Jay hummed and held her tight to his chest. "I love you too."

There was no way of telling which of them was in more pain than the other at any given moment. Memories of the months they were separated would be triggered at different times for them both. It was how they recovered from those moments - how they leaned on each other while growing from them - that defined who they were as husband and wife – not the time they spent apart.

"We'll figure it out," she murmured, "I'll figure it out. If I don't call Theo today or tomorrow or ever, that's fine. I'll do what's best for us. Promise."

Jay sat back and placed his hand on the side of her face. "You don't have to do any of it alone, and you don't have to spare my feelings. I'm here for you, but I don't want to hold you back."

Hailey smiled slightly and nodded. "I know," she said softly, "And I hope you know how much I appreciate that."

"I've learned," Jay chuckled.

Hailey laughed softly before closing the small distance between them to kiss him. "You always knew," she said softly, "We just let how we feel about each other get in the way of it sometimes."

"Maybe it's better that we don't work together anymore, huh?" Jay said, "It was getting a little complicated."

"A little," she repeated, "But it wasn't bad. We would have figured it out. This just…this makes it a bit easier. Gives us something more to talk about too."

Jay laughed and nodded. Brushing his fingers through her hair, he said, "There's nothing wrong with that. Did you mean it when you said you'd come to work with me one day?"

"Of course I meant it," Hailey replied, "I've spoken to the academy before, so it's nothing new. It'll just be more fun when you're the one sitting in the back of the room. A lot better to look at than Hanover too."

Smirking, Jay shook his head. "He's a good guy."

"I didn't say that," Hailey laughed, "I said he's just not great to look at. You are younger, have more hair, and your arms are a lot better."

Jay snorted and squeezed her waist. "You're ridiculous."

"Oh, please," Hailey said, placing her hands on his chest, "As if you'd want to stare at Platt all day."

"Don't," Jay groaned, "Don't go there. Not when you're sitting in my lap looking like this. Don't ruin my morning."

"Looking like what?" Hailey laughed, "Do I look bad right now?"

"Never," Jay chuckled. He lightly tugged at the bottom of the tank top she was wearing and said, "This is hot. I like when you wear lingerie."

"This is not lingerie," she corrected, "It's just a tank top, but I'll take note of that and maybe pick something up next time I'm looking for clothes."

Jay hummed and leaned forward to kiss her tattoo then said, "Could have fooled me."

She smiled and brushed her hand over his hair. "What do you want to do today? A whole day where we both don't have to go to work. It's a miracle."

"I don't see why we have to leave this bed," Jay said, "I'm not even hungry right now. As far as I'm concerned, it's you, me, and our bed for the entire day."

Hailey laughed and unseated herself enough to wrap her legs around his middle. "It's a really good plan."

"Exactly," Jay breathed before kissing her.

Hailey laughed against his lips and gripped onto his arms.

Jay was good at distracting her from anything that was worrying her, and today was no different. It was the perfect way to start her day of nothing.

Hours later, Hailey walked into the kitchen while tying her hair up in a bun. Jay glanced up from cutting fruit, and she stopped to cross her arms.

"What?" he asked, straightening up and setting the knife on the counter.

"You got carried away," she said softly as she tried not to smile.

"Did I hurt you?" Jay said quickly, walking around the island to gently grab at her waist, "I'm so-"

Hailey shook her head and tilted her head to the side to show off the small hickey he'd left on her throat. "Dangerously close to the neckline, Halstead."

Jay's fingers ghosted over it before he laughed and stepped back from her. "Sorry," he said, "I'll make it up to you in a little bit. I'm almost done with that snack you wanted."

"Mhmm," Hailey hummed. She followed him back to the kitchen and asked softly, "Give me a lift?"

He smiled and lifted her to sit on the island. Stepping between her legs, he picked up one of the pieces of strawberries he'd just cut and held it up to her lips.

"Thank you," she said once she ate it, "Delicious." She glanced down at the bowl of washed blueberries, grapes, and apple slices he'd already put together. Picking up a grape, she rolled it around in her hand and asked, "You gonna put clothes on or what?"

Jay scoffed and stepped back, gesturing to his boxers. "I'm dressed enough. You, on the other hand, too many clothes for my liking."

"Not even my lingerie?" Hailey teased.

"There's lace," Jay bit back, reaching out to tug at the bottom of the tank top she'd slipped back on.

"Mhmm," Hailey laughed. She popped the grape in her mouth and chewed it slowly as Jay set the knife in the sink. "Wanna watch a movie in a bit?"

"Anything in mind?" he countered, grabbing a handful of blueberries to eat.

Hailey shrugged. "I'm sure we can find something."

"Sounds good to me then," Jay replied. He leaned against the counter next to her and picked up one of the cold grapes. He lightly swirled it over her thigh and watched as goosebumps rose on her skin. Smiling slightly, he breathed, "That's the kind of thing I couldn't really picture while I was gone."

Hailey stopped herself from biting into one of the apple slices and whispered, "What?"

"This," Jay said, tracing the grape over her skin again, "It was hard to imagine." He cleared his throat and straightened up slightly. "I'd lay in bed at night or early in the morning before getting up and picture what you looked like in that moment. Usually that meant I was imagining you in your pajamas or even one of my shirts. I'd think about how soft your hair would be if I ran my fingers through it. Sometimes I let myself think about you in the shower and how you looked beneath the hot water. But it was nearly impossible to get the little details. I'd never forget the little freckle on the inside of your elbow or the highlights in your hair or the way your dimples come out when you smile. How your skin gets kinda prickly when you're cold or even the exact feeling of your lips…that stuff was harder. I'm glad it's not hard anymore."

Hailey softened and knew exactly what he meant. She never would have forgotten the shape of his bullet scar or how his skin felt when they were warm in the shower together or even what it felt like to kiss him after he'd avoided shaving for days, but she didn't think she could have exactly described to anyone what he looked like when he just needed to sleep or how his hands felt on her thighs. It wasn't that she couldn't remember those things, but that they were hard to articulate. Even if she was just telling her own brain to conjure up those thoughts, she struggled to get the tiny details right.

She reached over to squeeze his shoulder and nodded. "Never again," she breathed, "You're stuck with me."

Jay cracked a smile and turned his head to kiss her hand. "Forever."

"Always," she finished, pulling at him until his lips were centimeters from her own.

Kissing him was one of the things that would always be better in person. Her heart could never exactly remember the way his lips moved against hers or how they tasted after a late morning snack like right now. The little details of it all were so hard because they were so dependent on everything else.

And nothing could ever make her want to stop feeling them.

With her bare back to the door wall heated from the sun, Hailey laughed as she watched Jay accept their food delivery. She'd had no desire to crawl over and grab her tank top to slip on when the knock came, so she'd dared Jay to go answer the door with her sitting just like this in the background. She didn't think he could properly hide her or even act the slightest bit nonchalant about the entire thing, and she was nearly certain she was going to win when she heard Jay's voice jump an octave upon opening their door.

"Cool, cool, thanks," he said quickly as he passed over a tip, shifting more to hide her from view, "Have a great day."

"Thanks, man, you-"

Jay shut the door and spun to face Hailey with a box of pizza in hand. "I have been in more firefights than I can count, and yet that terrified me."

Hailey laughed and pulled her knees up to her chest. "I thought it was exciting."

"You suck," Jay countered. He walked over to sit on the blanket next to her and opened the box of pizza. "Maybe even borderline psychotic to like that."

"Good thing I'm in therapy," Hailey said while reaching for a piece of pizza.

Jay laughed loudly and leaned back against the window.

She smiled and bit into the pizza, laughing as he struggled to calm himself down. This was another one of the things that she'd have such a hard time describing to someone else. She could stare for hours at the way his eyes crinkled and how he tried stifling the laughter with his hands.

"That is so wrong," he chuckled, finally reaching over to grab a slice, "Very funny, but wrong."

Hailey shrugged and grabbed her bottle of beer. "Laughter is the best medicine for acceptance."

Jay smiled at her and picked up his own beer to tap it to hers. "Nothing wrong with that." He winked and took a sip.

Hailey let her legs fall out in front of her again and tilted her head back against the window. Closing her eyes as she swallowed her bite of pizza, she said, "This is what heaven is like. I'm convinced of it."

"And what's that exactly?" Jay asked, "Sex and pizza?"

"Don't forget beer," Hailey said, opening her eyes to look at him, "And the sun. I'm so comfortable right now."

"Sounds like something Jesus would approve of," Jay said with a nod.

Hailey laughed and shoved his arm. "Shut up."

"Nope," he chuckled, "But I agree, this is my heaven: eating pizza, drinking beer, and staring at my naked wife."

Hailey laughed harder and took another long sip of her drink.

Months before, she never would have imagined that they'd be doing this right now. According to Jay's original plan, he should have still been in Bolivia. Even if he would have come home early, they'd be right where they were in March with struggling to figure out how to live together and what exactly the right move was to make. Maybe they would have gotten here eventually, but it would have been much farther in the future. It was what dreams and only dreams were made out of, and now it was a reality.

A really, really good version of reality.

While Jay was wearing a loose t-shirt and a pair of basketball shorts right now, something he'd insisted on once they ordered food because he didn't want to be scrambling when the pizza finally arrived, he was still everything she had desired while he was in Bolivia. He was happy and his hair was sticking up in all directions from her fingers running through it and he was alive. This was something she hadn't even considered upon getting the phone call that he was injured. He could have been permanently injured or forgotten who she was, but here he sat with a piece of pizza in his hand after very much so proving that he had full use of his body, and she couldn't be anymore grateful for anything in her life.

"I love you," she said softly.

"Love you too," Jay replied without looking at her, instead looking at the last couple bites of pizza he had.

"No, Jay," she laughed, grabbing at his arm. He glanced up at her and blinked past the haze of alcohol in his eyes. "I love you," she repeated, "Like completely, truly, love you. I want you to know that."

Jay smiled and set his pizza down on a napkin. "I love you too," he replied, "So damn much. And more than pizza despite what that may have just looked like."

Hailey laughed again and shrugged. "I didn't exactly think that, but since you mentioned it, I'll echo that statement and say I also love you more than pizza. Beer too."

"Oh, that's pushing it," Jay teased, picking up his own drink. He glanced at the bottle and said, "This stuff is delicious and refreshing and-"

Hailey cut him off by crawling over to sit on his lap, breaking his concentration. The smirk seemed to freeze on his face, and his eyes slid over her slowly.

"Never say you love beer more than me again," she breathed, "You're forgetting who has the upper hand in this one, and you are going to lose."

"Then I lose," Jay murmured. He set his beer next to him and grabbed at her waist.

She smirked and nodded. "You lose," she said, "Just like at ax throwing."

Jay laughed loudly before kissing her hard. She gasped into it, gripping at his arms and pushing up on her knees.

"I love you," Jay murmured into the kiss, "Even if you do talk trash about every damn game we play."

Hailey let out a breathy laugh that quickly turned into a moan when she felt Jay sit up more and begin working at the front of his shorts. "You love it," she gasped.

"Course I do," Jay said before trailing his lips down her throat. His tongue traced along her vein, and she tilted her head back with another moan. "Love your crazy competitiveness," he whispered in her ear, "And that look in your eyes when you win." He pushed against her hips so she'd sit up on her knees and finished pushing his shorts down. Tugging her earlobe between his lips, he played with it for a moment before pushing her down on top of him, earning a low moan to slip from her core, and whispering, "You are so damn hot when you come out on top."

She weakly laughed at the double meaning behind his words and grabbed at his left shoulder. Her thumb barely brushed over where he'd once been shot, and she used it for leverage as she began moving against him. He roughly kissed the base of her throat, and she knew it was only a matter of time before he left another mark on her skin, but she didn't care. Let him.

She reached out with her free hand to press against the hot window and let out a low moan. Whimpering as his fingers sank into her, she panted for breath with each shift of his hips against hers. "Jay," she gasped, and her knee shifted to knock against his beer and spill it across the floor. He showed no notice to it as he let out a quiet groan against her heated skin and continued moving with her. Her soft noises spurred him forward, and she felt like it was all too much.

The suddenness of it all. The way their food was still sitting right there. The slight buzz from the beer filling her mind. The whispered curses Jay bit into her skin. The soft cotton shirt he was still wearing. The way the sun burned her bare skin through the window. The sparks filling her tightly shut eyes. The moans starting to rip at her throat.

Sweat slicked Hailey's skin, making Jay's shirt stick to her stomach and her hand slide against the glass. She pushed against him to pull his face up to hers, shoving her lips to his just as her body let go, and she fell apart against him. Moaning into the kiss, she dug her nails into his shoulders, knowing she would be leaving scratches had the white fabric not been blocking his skin from her.

"Dammit, Hailey," he said beneath her moans before letting go as well.

She let out a loud moan as he tightened his hold on her and made it nearly impossible for her to move even more. Dragging her nails down his back, she pressed her hips closer to his and dropped her head back.

As they both caught their breath, the buzz spreading through Hailey's limbs warming her already heated skin, she rested her head against his and whispered, "I love you more than winning."

Jay weakly laughed and slumped back against the window. "You're something else."

She smiled and hazily lifted her head to meet his half-lidded eyes. He almost looked drunk as if his world was spinning. For her, she knew hers was spinning, and he was at the center of it.

Her damp skin stuck to his clothes and was borderline uncomfortable. She tried pushing up further on her knees to free her thighs from the feeling of his basketball shorts scratching at her, but ended up falling against him again, quietly moaning at the feeling of him inside her.

"You okay?" he whispered as he slipped his fingers up in her hair to hold her close to him.

"So okay," she murmured into his shirt. She closed her eyes and hummed, "Couldn't be better."

Jay chuckled and kissed the side of her head. "I agree," he said softly, "You-You let me know when you're ready to move. I might need another minute because I can't feel my legs, but I'm ready when you are."

Hailey laughed softly and wrapped her arms around him. "I can wait a minute. I can stay here for a while."

"Good." Jay brushed his hand down her back, sending a warmth down her spine that pushed her further against him. He let out a breath and tilted his head against the window.

Hailey could feel his heart beat against her own through his damp t-shirt. She would have tried to slow her breathing and get her bearings straight, but Jay's own quick, shaky breaths distracted her from finding any sort of stability. Despite that all, though, she was at peace.

This entire day, it started as so uncertain and lost as to what to do regarding the past, but now it wasn't even a thought in her mind. All she could focus on was Jay and the feeling of him becoming her entire world. For the last five hours, she'd been all she felt, breathed, and saw. His green eyes had been the steady light she craved every single day of her life. His hands had held her strong as she gave in to vulnerability and freedom.

As silly as it was to think, she truly felt alive and in the moment. Maybe it was something she could bring up to Robin because it was a reminder of how important Jay was to her and how far she'd come in healing, but she also wanted to keep this to just them. What they did within their apartment was their business, and she didn't want to invite the world to see. No matter if they were up against the window or in the privacy of their bed, there was only one person she ever wanted to see her like this, and that was Jay.

She could attempt to put into words the feeling he gave her when he'd pulled her down onto him or what it did to her when he'd moan in her ear, but she would never share those words with anyone. Jay was hers and hers alone. She was the only person who could watch his muscles twitch when she rolled her hips just right. No one else deserved to see him fall apart beneath her or above her, and no one else should ever get to know the feeling of need that filled her when his eyes would roll back or his voice would crack because of what was coursing through him in that moment.

She earned this.

She loved Jay when he thought his world was falling apart. She supported him when he had nothing but fear and anxiety filling his mind. She was his rock when he didn't think he deserved it.

And that was what made them perfect for each other.

Because he did the same for her for years. Before they even dated each other, he was there picking her up when she fell – sometimes literally. When worked scared her and her past haunted every move she made, he was there to reassure her and anchor her to the ground, holding her steady when she struggled to breathe through her past mistakes. And then they began dating and he somehow became even more amazing than he already was. He started protecting her heart and fighting for her soul in ways she never knew possible. He loved all of her – every last piece of her existence – and he did it so well that she truly believed him. She was able to be vulnerable in front of him because he made her feel safe enough to do so. It was something she never expected out of love, and life in general, and she vowed to never, ever take advantage of it.

Jay, and their marriage, was too precious to just throw away because she got greedy.

Hailey breathed in slowly as she straightened up in Jay's lap, the heat of the window and their sweat slicked skin beginning to become unbearable. She blinked against the fuzzy feelings still floating around her eyes and smiled while setting her hands on either side of his face. "I think I need to shower," she admitted softly.

He chuckled and nodded. Leaning forward to kiss her nose, he asked, "You want me to join you?"

"Um, maybe in five?" she said, "Give me a minute to, I don't know, feel cuter than how I feel right now."

Jay laughed a bit louder and brushed his hand over her hair. "I think you look cute, beautiful even, sexy for sure. I mean…" With his words, his hand trailed down her side, and he raised an eyebrow. "Come on."

Hailey smiled and shook her head. "Five minutes," she said.

"Fine," Jay chuckled. He glanced around them and let out a slight sigh. "I'll clean up that beer and finish my pizza."

Hailey laughed, placing her hands on his shoulders to steady herself before carefully getting off of him. She moaned quietly at the feeling and closed her eyes to take a breath.

Jay's hands fell to her thighs, dragging down her legs to lightly grip onto her ankles until she found it within herself to step back from him. "Good?" he asked.

"Mhmm," she hummed. She bent over to grab her beer, finished it with one long sip, then set it back down next to the box of pizza. "Don't put that away, I definitely want more."

Jay stared at her for a moment before weakly laughing and shaking his head. "You don't even understand what you're doing to me right now."

Hailey let her eyes rake over him and laughed softly. "I think I do, and I'm not mad about it. Five minutes."

Jay set his head back against the window and sighed. "If you insist."

Hailey laughed again and blew him a kiss before walking over to their bedroom. Her legs still felt like jelly, and every inch of her skin was much too warm and sticky, but she was content. A quick shower alone would give her just enough time to wash the sweat from her hair and skin and get her wits about her before Jay inevitably joined her.

Despite what she wanted to do for the rest of the day, she still made her way to her dresser and pulled out a pair of underwear and a sports bra to slip into after the shower. She would love to continue walking around without clothes on, but there was something about the spilt beer and idea of germs against her bare skin that kind of grossed her out. If anything, it'd be a tease of sorts for Jay, and they could both benefit from that.

"Hey, I think you got a text!" Jay called out from the living room, "Your phone's going off."

Hailey sighed and rubbed a hand over her face. She could pretend she didn't hear him or actually be responsible and ask him to look at it, and she wasn't quite sure which she should lean into right now.

"Dammit, got another," Jay said, "You want me-"

"Yeah, yeah, just check to see that it's not Voight or something," she yelled back.

"I swear to god if Voight's going to ruin our day of sex, I'll kill him."

Hailey held back a laugh at Jay's mumble and turned to toss her clothes onto the bed.

"It's, um, it's not Voight."

Hailey looked up at Jay's quiet voice, suddenly much closer than he was a moment before. He hesitated within their doorway, and she said, "What?"

He didn't say anything as he walked over with her phone outstretched.

"You're scaring me," she said quietly, "Did something happen with Adam?"

Jay bit his lip and shook his head. "Just look," he said while lightly wiggling her phone out toward her.

A million possibilities went through Hailey's head, and she didn't know which she'd prefer. A missing child alert from Trudy calling her in to the district. Makayla was sick at the hospital. Kevin was in a car accident. Dante's mom died. Kim's PTSD sent her into a spiral. None of it was good.

Her hand shook as she reached out to grab her phone, and she took a deep breath before finally looking at the screen where three texts from Theo Upton stared up at her.

~ You always have a tattoo? Mom and Dad know? Lol ~ Theo Upton

~ Sorry, that was lame. I saw you last night but didn't want to bother you with your friends. Figured I'd wait to send a text. When did Jay get home? Happy for you. ~ Theo Upton

~ We don't have to invite Nik, but do you want to get a drink some time? Seems like we should catch up ~ Theo Upton

A/N: Let me know what you think? :)