"Hailey, I know you're bothered by those texts, but can we talk about it?"
Jay's voice echoed throughout the bathroom, but Hailey chose to ignore it just like she'd been ignored it for the last ten minutes.
When Jay had shown her the texts from her brother, she'd stared at them for a solid minute before dropping her phone to their mattress and going into the bathroom. She'd wanted to shower, so she was going to shower, and she'd told Jay he needed to give her at least five minutes to cool off, so she was going to stick by that. It was simple.
The water was rather cold as it fell over her, but it washed the sweat from her skin and relieved the uncomfortable feeling that coursed through her. It didn't matter how exciting the moment against the window had been or how happy it made her, it wasn't exactly the cleanest way to spend the afternoon. She needed to feel like herself before returning to her lunch in the living room.
"I'm not going to let you freeze yourself in there," Jay continued, "So will you just step out and talk to me? If-If you want to ignore that text, fine, but just talk through it with me. And, obviously, if you want to actually meet up with your brother like he wants, that's also fine. Let's just talk about the options. Tell me what you're feeling."
Hailey shook her head the slightest amount, tipping it back against the cold water. It ran through her hair and down her legs, relaxing in a different way from having sex.
She breathed in slowly before finally squirting shampoo into her hand and lathering it up. Washing her hair was much easier than confronting her brother.
She had just effectively cleared her mind of her brother and her past; she had no interest in diving back into that hellhole. She deserved a break from being sad. There was no world where she wanted anyone's pity, and she certainly didn't want to pity herself. Her past – the abuse, the fallout with Theo, Bolivia – it happened, and she'd already moved on. There was no point in lingering on it any longer.
As she dragged her fingers through her hair, she hated that she needed to fight against the tears that came to her eyes. Today was supposed to be about Jay and their day off. Like Jay had said, they were jokingly calling it their day of sex, and it was ridiculously like something either of them would have said when they were much younger, but it was still fun to have. They had missed out on several months of their marriage, so they were going to continuously make up for that lost time, and there was nothing wrong with that.
Deep in her heart, though, she did want to talk to Theo. Being just a year apart, they grew up almost like twins. They did everything together and were protective of each other from the very start. Nik tried to hide them from the horrors of their father, but it was near impossible. Instead, he stuck to comforting them, and that's what she and Theo learned to do for each other once he moved out.
She could still picture Theo's face after their father had hit him for the first time. He'd been eleven and late getting into the car after soccer practice which meant their mom, who was the one picking him up, was late getting them to the restaurant for the dinner shift. Hailey was convinced that her mother didn't purposely throw Theo under the bus and just used his lateness as an explanation as to why she was also late. Their dad didn't seem to even think before raising his hand toward Theo. She could still hear the sound of the slap from where she was sitting in the back booth rolling silverware. As it was, it haunted her dreams for weeks afterwards, especially when she thought of Theo's shocked, big brown eyes turning toward her. Somehow, he managed to hold back the tears until that night when he snuck in her room and cried about how much it hurt. In that moment, she would have done anything to run away with him.
Even years later, when she was becoming a police officer and he was learning how to be an electrician, she continued wanting to fight for him. If she had enough money, she could help him get out of their parents' house and into a real apartment. He was struggling to really get started in his career and frequently visited her small, studio apartment to crash on her couch when their dad's expectations – and fists – became too much to handle. They were a year apart, but the desire to save him from what she had been able to survive never went away.
"All right, Hailey, I'm done."
Hailey blinked her eyes open against the shampoo and water to see Jay undressing through the glass. To her surprise, he opened the shower door and stepped under the freezing water with her.
"What the hell?" he hissed.
"What are you doing?" she replied.
He shook his head and grabbed at her waist. No longer was he trying to be sweet or sexy or romantic: he was attempting to ground her and get her to actually pay attention to whatever he wanted to say.
"What are you thinking about?" he asked.
Hailey sighed and pursed her lips. "I'm wondering why you just jumped in the shower with me when I'm not done rinsing off."
"You- Hailey, come on."
"I don't want to talk about it."
"Clearly," Jay scoffed. He lightly squeezed her waist and said, "But we both know that's not what you should be doing right now. It wasn't that long ago when we were debating whether or not you should talk to Theo. I get it – it sucks that you're having to make that decision sooner than later, but you can't just avoid it."
"It'd be real easy to delete those texts," Hailey quietly argued, "I've done it before."
Jay sighed and shook his head. "But it's not the right thing to do. He deserves a reply."
"I-I…I don't know," Hailey said, "The only thing I can say is 'yes,' and what if that's not what I really want."
"Then don't say 'yes,'" Jay replied.
"Easy for you to say," Hailey mumbled.
"Excuse me?" Jay stepped to the side to reach around her and turn the water off. "What did you just say?"
Hailey couldn't help but shake as the cold water barely dripped on her from the showerhead, and she was left standing naked in the cool air.
The juxtaposition of today was not lost on her. For hours on end, she'd been more physically vulnerable with Jay than she'd been in weeks. They'd had sex, but it was nothing like today where they forewent clothes and simply took the time to enjoy each other. In their bed, on the kitchen counter, on the couch, against the window…all places she didn't care about being open and honest with Jay. Now, in the cold shower, she had no desire to share her inner thoughts with him.
He didn't get it. His brother never tried getting him to break up with her. They didn't grow up with a father who would hit them around and a mother who would do her best to ignore everything that happened. Their childhood was filled with laughter and happy memories that hers lacked.
"Nothing," she sighed as she tried stepping around him just for his hands to dart out and grab at her waist again.
"What did you say?" he repeated.
Hailey bit her bottom lip and shook her head.
She knew that Jay's childhood wasn't the easiest. His father wasn't abusive like hers, but he was still harsh and had expectations that Jay could never meet. His brother became a doctor and, while their dad still didn't quite respect that choice, it was still deemed better than the military and police department. That wasn't even mentioning the fact that his mother died of cancer far too soon.
She couldn't throw all of that in his face. Neither of them had an easy time growing up because of their situations and environments, and she didn't have any right to compare them. It wasn't fair.
"It was stupid," she sighed, "I'm sorry. I didn't-"
"I don't care," Jay interrupted, "What did you say?"
Hailey squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head. The guilt was beginning to eat at her. She shouldn't have said anything. She took her anger and frustration at the situation out at Jay, and that was the last thing he deserved right now.
"Hailey."
She knew he knew what she said, and the fact that he was questioning her told her she hurt him. He wanted her to confront what she'd done and acknowledge the pain she caused, and that was almost more painful than what she'd originally said. They could read each other like a book, and, right now, it was biting her in the butt.
"Just that it would be easy for you to…to say 'no' to your brother," she quietly admitted, "It was dumb, and-and I'm sorry."
Jay shook his head, and he no longer appeared angry. He was upset at her assumption of his family, just like she'd always been bothered whenever he made assumptions about hers.
"Why is it any different than your own brother?" he asked, "Why can't you say 'no' to him?"
Hailey sighed and pressed the heels of her hands into her eyes. "You don't get it," she mumbled.
"Maybe, but I want to at least try to understand."
Tears burned Hailey's eyes, and she struggled to take a deep breath. He always said that. He always wanted to learn about her past, and he was always willing to listen. And yet, somehow for some reason, she always doubted him and kept things hidden. No matter how hard she tried to be better or whatever walls she tried breaking down, she couldn't help but fall back into old habits and keep her past from Jay.
Jay's hand gently slid down her side until it slipped around her back to hug her to his chest. "Talk to me," he whispered, "Because I promise you, it's not as bad as whatever you're thinking it is."
She sniffled and lowered her hands to look up at him. "It's not that," she said quietly, "I just hate that despite all the good stuff you do, I'm still terrified to actually tell you things."
"Oh."
Jay's eyes widened slightly, and he stepped back slightly, still holding on to her, but keeping a small distance between them.
At that, her own eyes widened, and she quickly shook her head. "It's not you," she blurted, "Jay, you did nothing wrong."
"Really?" he asked, "Because I kind of broke your trust a lot in the last year."
"But that has nothing to do with any of this," Hailey said. She grabbed at Jay's hands and squeezed them tightly before letting out a sigh. "I…"
The words danced at the tip of her tongue, and she knew they were going to sting to say and hurt even more to hear, but that Jay needed to hear it in the moment, and maybe she did too.
"Not everything sad in my life is because of you," she said quietly, "You're the center of my world, and you mean everything to me, but everything in me is not because of you. Even all the good stuff, I'd like to take some credit for it." She closed the last of the distance between them and kissed the center of his chest. "Jay, I…I wanted to protect my brother from everything I possibly could, and when I couldn't do that, I settled on just being there for him. I never wanted to have to ignore something he wanted, and that feeling's coming back now. He wants to talk to me, and despite how much he pissed me off a few months ago, part of me still wants to give him whatever he wants. He's my little brother, and I can't ignore that."
Her answer to what she should do came out so easily that it almost felt like a relief to say aloud. No matter what happened between her and Theo, she loved him and would do anything for him. Maybe she would be uncomfortable and spend much of the conversation worrying about Jay's feelings, but she'd be doing what her heart told her to do since she was a little girl, and she wasn't quite sure there was anything wrong with that.
Despite the sadness still present in Jay's eyes, he smiled slightly and nodded. "I get that," he said softly, "Thank you. I…sorry."
Hailey shook her head and set a hand on the side of his face. "I am."
Jay studied her for a moment then said, "Maybe we both could have handled that a little better."
Hailey laughed softly and nodded. "Probably."
"Doesn't help that we're not exactly dressed," Jay continued, "Weren't really prepared for a serious conversation."
Hailey laughed harder and shook her head. "I'd agree there. Might have needed to be in a better headspace."
Jay chuckled and reached around her to twist the shower knob. As the water rushed down on the two of them, he said, "What do you say to actually taking a shower, getting dressed, and then figuring out how you're going to respond to that text?"
Hailey smiled before closing her eyes and tilting her head into the water. "I love that plan."
Jay laughed with her and leaned down to kiss her cheek.
She relaxed with the hot water finally wrapping around her and took a deep breath. Actual clean hair, dry clothes, and a seat on the couch would give her a better mindset for dealing with her brother.
And give her a few minutes to reset and remember why talking to Theo would be good: it'd repair her relationship with him and clear the air regarding Jay. There was nothing wrong with that.
"I could just ignore the invitation and talk about the tattoo."
"Not against that, but it doesn't feel right since you do want to talk to him."
Hailey sighed and rested her chin in her palm on top of the island. "You have a point."
Jay chuckled and slid her phone closer to him to reread the texts her brother had sent: "I saw you last night but didn't want to bother you with your friends. Figured I'd wait to send a text. When did Jay get home? Happy for you. We don't have to invite Nik, but do you want to get a drink some time? Seems like we should catch up."
"I mean, it's pretty straight forward," Hailey said.
"Very straight forward," Jay repeated, "So you can be straight forward right back."
"So…" Hailey trailed off and glanced at him with a raised eyebrow.
Jay smirked and said, "Yes?"
"What should I send?" Hailey asked.
"Whatever you want," Jay chuckled, pushing her phone back closer to her, "He's your brother."
"Your brother-in-law," Hailey mumbled.
Jay laughed and shook his head. He leaned over to kiss the side of her head and whispered, "Just say 'sure,' sound good?"
"Sounds boring," Hailey sighed, "But it's better than nothing."
She hesitantly moved her thumbs across the screen and stared at what she'd typed before biting her bottom lip and hitting send.
~ A drink sounds good. When are you available? ~
"Nice," Jay said once he'd looked over her shoulder at the screen.
Hailey nodded and brushed a hand over her still damp hair. "I figure we can talk about what happened with you once we're actually out with him."
"That's fair," Jay said, "It's not a totally quick story."
"I mean…" Hailey leaned back in her seat and shrugged. "We don't have to tell him everything, but we can just leave it at you got hurt in March and have been home ever since. Do you want to tell him everything?"
Jay shrugged as well and swirled his fingers over the countertop. "Does he deserve it? I hurt his sister, he might deserve the full story."
Hailey shook her head slowly before placing a hand on his shoulder and squeezing gently. "It's our story, not his. He and I share blood and a history, but that doesn't mean I need to tell him everything that happens in my life or in yours. Would you like him to know what we did up against that window or what you did to me on that counter a couple hours ago?"
"Shut up," Jay chuckled, "No, of course not."
"Then why tell him all the vulnerable pieces of our lives?" Hailey asked, "He doesn't need to know the intimate details. Maybe because he's my brother he deserves to know the big stuff like the fact that you're alive and home and that I'm happy, but he doesn't need to know how that all came to be. Okay?"
Jay studied her for a moment then nodded and repeated, "Okay."
Hailey smiled back at him before leaning over to kiss him quickly. "I love you," she said softly, "Thanks for being my good man."
Jay hummed quietly and set a hand on her leg, his thumb brushing along the edge of her underwear. "No one else I'd rather be."
"I love hearing that," Hailey replied.
Chuckling, Jay closed the distance between them again to kiss her, his lips moving as slow against her as his thumb was on her thigh. Hailey had half a mind to push off her bar stool and climb onto his lap, but her brother decided to reply at that moment, and her phone buzzed on the counter between them.
"That was fast," Jay sighed.
Hailey shot him a smile then unlocked her phone to see the message from her brother right at the top.
~ Wednesday night? 8? You still drink whiskey sours? Cause I know a place ~ Theo Upton
Hailey couldn't help but laugh and lean against her hand in disbelief. When she turned twenty-three, she decided she needed to figure out something to order at the bar that was more interesting than a beer or a vodka cranberry, so Theo bought her a cocktail recipe book for her birthday. They spent a weekend getting drunk in her tiny apartment as they tried out random drinks. By the end of it, they decided a whiskey sour was her best bet: it had the syrup that she'd been liking in her drinks, whiskey which made her seem a little more grown up, and an egg white which Theo said made her look sophisticated. After that, it not only became her go-to, but her favorite drink when going out as well. She loved a straight whiskey or a beer or even a margarita when out with Kim, but whiskey sours made her smile, and she never forgot that it made her feel as fancy as her brother had once said.
~ I do, so bring it. If it's not good, you're paying. Wednesday at 8 works. Text me the address ~
~ You got it. Jay coming? ~ Theo Upton
Hailey chewed the inside of her lip, but didn't glance up at Jay before replying. He'd said she could do what she wanted and he'd support her. Besides, she didn't think she could do this without him.
~ Yeah, he will. Are you going to bring anyone? ~
~ Nope. Glad tho. I was hoping I could talk to him ~ Theo Upton
~ See you two then ~ Theo Upton
Theo ended the conversation by sending the link to the bar he wanted to meet at and the salute emoji. A part of Hailey was slightly worried about whatever reason her brother wanted to talk to her husband, but she still laughed at the last message and slid her phone over so Jay could see.
He didn't seem to find it as funny, though, and breathed in slowly upon reading her screen. "Okay, well, we expected that, right? He wants to talk to me. That's fine."
Hailey frowned and nodded, returning her hand to the back of his neck. She brushed her fingers through his hair and whispered, "It'll be okay, right? That's what you've said, and that's really what's been happening whenever you've had these conversations with anyone about Bolivia. You were nervous when it was with me-"
"Actually, that scared the crap out of me," Jay corrected as he turned to look at her, "I felt physically sick having that conversation."
Hailey smiled slightly and nodded. "But we survived. Same when you spoke with Will and Trudy and the whole unit. Everyone forgave you for what happened, and we've all moved on. Theo likes you, and he loves me, so I have faith that this is going to be okay. It has to. I was nervous before, but after seeing these texts and how it seems like nothing really changed between us…I know we can get through this."
Stress was still present on Jay's face - his jaw tight and his forehead wrinkled with tension - but his eyes relaxed some, and he managed to nod his head the smallest amount. "Okay," he breathed, "I believe you."
"Good," Hailey said softly. She dragged her hand forward down his chest then leaned over to kiss him. "It's the right thing to do for all of us," she continued, "It might end up being like closure. We can finally put all of this behind us and truly move forward. Isn't that what we've wanted?"
Jay softened and nodded. "I guess that…yeah, that makes sense."
Hailey smiled and kissed his cheek. "You were the one who wanted to talk to him last night anyways, remember?"
Jay chuckled and let out a breath. "I had a couple beers at that point."
"Oh, like that made a difference," Hailey laughed. She brushed her hand along the side of his face then tilted her head to the side. "I love you. Thank you for being on my side."
"Nowhere else I'd rather be," Jay said softly.
Hailey smiled and slipped off her bar stool. Stepping between Jay's legs, she flipped her phone over before wrapping her arms around his neck. "Where were we before everything got turned upside down?"
Jay smirked and caught her lips in his. "I think we had some plans in the bedroom," he murmured, his fingers already teasing the edge of her shirt, "Does that sound about right?"
"It sounds perfect to me," she replied before pushing up on her tiptoes and pressing herself further against him.
She had no idea what Wednesday was going to bring for them, but she did know that there was nothing they could do about it until it arrived. There was no point in worrying about the future when she had everything she ever wanted right now.
Nerves hit Hailey again approximately half an hour before they were supposed to leave to meet her brother at the bar on Wednesday. She'd managed to distract herself whenever she was at work, and Jay was more than okay with distracting her at home, but suddenly she found herself standing in front of her closet debating what to wear for the night as if her brother even cared. It wasn't that she wanted to impress him like whenever she went out with Jay; she just needed to kill time before walking out the front door.
All afternoon, she'd been going back and forth about what to say to Theo. He wanted to make sure she was happy, and she respected that, but she also didn't want him to start yelling at Jay or scolding him for what he'd done. The past was in the past, and she was truly hoping that Theo could respect that.
"Okay, babe, I love you, I think you're hot, but it's been about ten minutes of you walking around in your bra, and I really don't think your brother wants to see that. Grab a shirt. We have to go."
Hailey turned to look at Jay tightening his belt as he stepped out of the bathroom and set her hands on her waist. "I don't know what to wear."
"Since when?" Jay asked. He walked over to their closet and gave it a quick glance before pulling out a hanger with black tank top on it. "This is cute."
"But do I want to show him the tattoo?" Hailey asked, "What if our parents show up?"
"He's already seen it," Jay replied and held the shirt up to her, "And I don't think it'll stick out anyways, the straps are pretty thick. And if your parents show up, then we either stick it out and you explain that you're a grown woman or we head out."
"So you're not scared?" Hailey countered.
"I didn't say that," Jay said, "But I know that I believe what you've been saying: if we're together and putting the past behind us, then we'll be okay. I believe that, and I want you to believe it too. You've been saying it and talking the talk, so let's go walk the walk."
He slipped the shirt off the hanger and slipped it over her head without her saying anything. It did cause a soft laugh to slip from her lips as the material pooled around her neck, and she found herself relaxing at the feeling.
Slipping her arms through the holes, she let out a breath and said, "We can do this. It's just Theo."
"Exactly," Jay replied. He reached over to brush the fabric from her shoulder and quickly placed a kiss to the middle of her tattoo. "You and me forever. Nothing that happens tonight can change that."
"Never," Hailey said. She breathed in slowly then grabbed his hand and added, "So let's go get drunk and deal with our feelings about the past."
Jay laughed loudly and squeezed her fingers. "That sounds amazing."
Theo had dirty blonde hair, brown eyes, and the ability to somehow always wrinkle his clothes. When younger, he had a knack for getting in trouble in school, but always toed the line when it came to anything that would involve real consequences. School wasn't his thing, but he needed to get out of the house, so he committed to learning a trade and realized he liked the idea of playing with electricity. The money didn't seem too bad either.
He told Hailey once that the thrill of possibly getting hurt made the job exciting and asked if that's how she felt at work, too. She wasn't quite sure that the possibility of pain made the police force thrilling, but she did admit that she understood what he was talking about. It at least gave them something to bond over when they were just starting out their lives separate from each other.
Having to survive without Nik in the house while they were in high school bonded them more than they already had just by growing up with their father. They snuck into each other's bedrooms at night to vent about something that happened in the restaurant or when their parents thought they weren't listening. Several nights were spent getting ice or band-aids for the other when one of them decided to take a stand against what was happening within their family. No matter what happened between the two of them, that period of their lives would never break them.
The thing about Theo that Hailey always loved, though, was the way he'd smile no matter what was going on in their lives. During those last few years of living together before she left home for college, they both started becoming numb to the abuse. When their dad would come home after one too many or the restaurant had a slow night and he needed to take the edge off by seeing just how far he could push his family, Theo would take the brunt of it. Without Nik there to accept the abuse, Theo was the one who'd get hit around the most. He'd come into Hailey's room many nights with blood on the side of his mouth or a black eye, and he'd still find a way to send her a half-smile, humor present in his eyes, and say, "Was a bit weak honestly. Like maybe just half power."
It made her cry, but it never broke his spirit. He loved life, and he loved his family no matter what happened. Even with the terrible, awful things their father would do, Theo would find a way, like their mom, to justify it. It was his major flaw that seemed to come out more as they aged. Even though he still wanted to get out of the house, he seemed to understand their mother more than Hailey did and she became his Number One priority after Hailey moved out.
Hailey couldn't blame him for caring for their mom; she just hated that it put a strain on her own relationship with him. She had a hard time keeping up with their relationship when he'd defend their mom's choice in staying in their house. Everything surrounding their childhood was complicated, so once everyone was out of that environment, a part of her did hope that a lot of that would fall to the side.
Jay going to Bolivia, though, seemed to put a wrench in that plan. While her relationship with Theo did fall to the side as they grew up and apart, there was still something there that showed up around holidays and on the occasional nostalgic weekend. However, Theo's confusion surrounding her marriage with Jay seemed to put the nail in the coffin between them. He believed that couples should stay together no matter what – given his stance on their own parents – so the idea that Jay would just leave Hailey confused him more than anything.
Tonight was the night to hopefully clear all of that up, and Hailey reminded herself of that the second she saw Theo's lopsided smile across the room when she walked into the bar with Jay at her side.
"Hey!" Theo greeted, standing up as she approached his table.
"Hey," she replied. There was a brief second where she debated what to do then threw caution to the wind and stepped forward to hug him.
"So good to see you, hay bail," Theo mumbled in her ear, squeezing her against him.
She laughed softly at the childhood nickname Nik had given her years before. She'd had such a hard time controlling her hair once she hit middle school that he frequently teased her for having hair that looked like a pile of hay at the farm. At the time, she hated it – and part of her still did – but she grew to ignore the teasing tone in his words. Sometimes they'd blur together, anyways, and someone would just call her Hail or lengthen it completely to be Hailey Bailey. When those nicknames would come out, she'd always smile and feel warm inside – like she was really loved even when her home seemed like such a dark place.
Stepping back, she asked, "Have you been here long?"
"Like five minutes?" Theo guessed, "Enough time to order three whiskey sours. That cool with you, Jay?"
Jay nodded and stuck a hand out. "Course. Nice to see you again."
Theo smiled and shook his hand. "You have no idea. Come on, sit, both of you, it's been a while."
Hailey tried clocking the tightness of their hands and whether or not there was any tension present, but nothing stood out to her, so she accepted the chair across from Theo's and settled into it as Jay sat to her right.
"Find the place okay?" Theo asked.
"Of course," Hailey replied, "Thank you for inviting us."
Theo waved his hand at her words. "It's been long enough. A lot seems to have happened since we last talked." His eyes flickered to Jay, and Hailey breathed in slowly.
"Yeah," Jay said, his hand coming out to squeeze Hailey's thigh beneath the table, "We've all been through a lot."
Theo hummed and seemed like he was going to reply, but then the waitress came with their tray of drinks. Once everyone had their whiskey sour in hand, he studied his for a moment before holding it out between them all.
"I don't know what exactly happened," he said quietly, "And I realized I crossed a line, Hail, in pushing you to explain your choices, but I'm hoping we can clear the air and start over tonight. Do you two think we can do that?"
Hailey softened at the realization that Theo wanted the exact same thing that she and Jay did. She hadn't quite been sure what to expect, but this still felt like a relief as her brother's words sank in. They could try to rebuild what had been sprained months before, and maybe eventually work to repair what had once broke regarding their parents and their childhood. Tonight could be the start of something new while also reigniting their relationship.
People had once called them twins, and while they might not have looked like it anymore, there was no reason they couldn't start acting like it again.
"Yes," she answered easily, holding her glass out to his, "I'd really like that."
Jay smiled at her and nodded. Tapping his glass to theirs, he said, "Best to move forward."
"Here's to that," Theo said softly. He sipped at his drink then looked at Hailey as she took her own sip. "So?"
She laughed and nodded. "It's good," she said, "I'm impressed. I've been getting picky lately. Jay took me on a date to Gene & Georgetti's, and there's a bartender there that makes a damn good one."
"Really?" Theo chuckled, "I'll have to check it out sometime."
"He makes awesome martinis too," Jay added, "Do you have a favorite one?"
"Favorite martini?" Theo asked, "Who the hell do you think I am? I drink whiskey sours because Hailey and I decided they're fancy, and I drink beer. I'm a simple man."
Jay laughed and shrugged. "You should try one. They can be pure alcohol, and that's not a bad thing."
"Not at all," Theo laughed, "You've got a recommendation?"
"I mean, you can't go wrong with a classic one," Jay said.
Hailey scoffed. "Don't even. Those are disgusting. Theo, you need something on the sweeter side if you're gonna try one for the first time. Espresso martinis are really good."
"Eh, we'll see," Theo replied with a half-hearted shrug, "Maybe one day. Next time we go out."
Hailey smiled at that and nodded. "Definitely."
Silence fell over them as they each continued taking small sips of their drinks. Hailey had a feeling what was to come next, and, while Theo's toast had been reassuring, she was still hesitant to broach the subject herself.
It was Jay, though, that took a deep breath and set his drink down. "I should have texted you when I left," he said quietly, "But, I'll admit, I was ashamed, and I knew you would be too. I was in a really dark place, and it was hard enough to face Hailey. I could barely explain it to my own brother or to my friends. I have never…man, I've never felt like that in my life. I thought it was all over, and the only thing I felt like I could do was run away and do a hard reset on my life. It wasn't the best decision, but it also wasn't the easiest, and it literally bit me in the ass."
Hailey breathed in shakily at the memory of Jay's face when he stood in front of her in their living room and explained to her that he was leaving her for Bolivia. At the time, the future he wanted did not seem possible. She didn't know how she was going to ever let go of Jay or allow him to walk out their front door. But she had to admit that a tiny piece of her heart did understand that he needed to leave. He was a man of action, and having him sit down and discuss every single thing he was feeling in every moment was just not an option. In order for him to personally be okay, she needed to let him go, and he knew she knew he needed that. No matter how much she hated the idea of him leaving, it was just something that she was going to have to accept because it was happening whether or not she wanted it to.
In turn, she watched Theo's face across the table, and she wondered if he understood the gravity of what Jay was saying. His typical, lopsided smile had faded from his expression, and he was looking much more serious than she'd seen him in a long time – probably since she first told him Jay had left months before. Perhaps he did understand that Jay didn't leave her because of how he felt about her, but because of himself – at least that's what she hoped he was understanding.
"How did you get home?" he quietly asked, "What happened? Cause when we saw Hailey in January, she didn't think you were coming home until the summer. Clearly that didn't happen, but you're saying you needed to be there. If you need to be there, why are you here? Why'd you come back?"
Hailey's eyes flickered over to Jay, specifically to his arm where she could still so easily picture the bandages that were once wrapped around him. Even right now, she could see where he'd been burned and how his skin was still wrinkled in a way, curved from the flames that had etched their path into him.
Jay cleared his throat then simply said, "I got hurt. It definitely was not the plan because I did need to be there, but I wasn't able to keep going. I – uh – I was involved in a car explosion. I was driving, and I hit a mine. Next thing I knew, I was on the ground, burning. Everything's pretty blurry after that. I've had dreams where I'm in more pain than I could ever imagine, and I'm not quite sure if they're real or not. I don't know how long I was there for. Honestly, the first clear memory I have after driving that day is your sister telling me I needed to get my crap together in the hospital – and that was the day after I woke up."
Hailey laughed slightly and shakily wiped at her eyes, nodding at the memory of standing at the end of his bed, demanding he eat food and listen to the doctors and take everything seriously. He wasn't to just pretend everything was fine when it clearly wasn't. The thought sent a chill down her spine, and she almost couldn't believe they'd come as far as they had since that fateful moment.
"God, I…I can't imagine, I'm sorry," Theo said quietly, "That's terrible. You're…you're okay now? As best as you can?"
"Uh, yeah, pretty much," Jay replied, "I'm not great, but I can walk and have almost full movement of my arm. I'm still working up to heavier weights, and I'm not quite sure if I'll ever be where I was before it happened. It hasn't been easy, but I've been doing physical therapy and keeping up with the gym and-and I'm getting there."
Hailey shot him a small smile and nodded. "I'm proud of you," she said softly enough that she wasn't sure Theo had heard, and she was completely fine with that. He didn't need to hear everything she said to Jay, but she also didn't want him to admit that he did still have set-backs only for her to not acknowledge that. He'd worked hard enough to get to where he was, and she was truly proud of him, so she needed to share that.
Jay smiled back at her and rubbed his hand over her thigh. "Thank you," he breathed.
Theo took another sip of his drink as if to give them their moment then shook his head. "That is…that's crazy, man. I'm glad you're okay, though. You back at work then? I'd imagine you didn't exactly come home and jump right back in the cop car."
"Uh, no, no," Jay chuckled. Hailey could hear the forced relaxed tone in his voice, but she could also see the way his eyes narrowed slightly and feel his fingers tighten against her leg. He loved his job now, and yet she knew he still longed to be back at work with her in Intelligence. No amount of influence he had over the next generation of police could replace that need in him to be constantly moving and seeking an adrenaline rush.
"I'm actually teaching a course at the police academy this summer," he continued to explain, "The desk sergeant at Hailey's district, where I used to work, helped me out. I've been at it about a month now, and I really enjoy it."
"That's pretty cool," Theo replied, "Good for you. I've been helping out a rookie myself."
"Really?" Hailey asked, feeling Jay physically relax next to her as if he was glad the conversation was no longer on him. She brushed her hand against his leg beneath the table in response, and smiled when his fingers rubbed tiny circles against hers.
"Yeah, turns out I'm one of the best," Theo chuckled, leaning back in his seat. He smirked when Hailey laughed and shrugged. "Okay, maybe not the best, but I'm at least good enough to finally have someone beneath me."
Jay snorted and said, "I'd be a bad brother-in-law if I didn't make fun of what you just said."
Theo waved him off and replied, "Whatever. You get what I mean, so take your head out of the gutter, Professor Halstead."
Jay laughed harder. "Not a professor, but thanks for the honor, Obi-Wan."
"Ah, I like that," Theo laughed, "Didn't realize you were a Star Wars guy."
"Who isn't?" Jay asked.
"Hailey," Theo answered quickly.
She rolled her eyes and said, "It's just not my thing."
"No aliens, we know," Theo said, "How boring. You really believe there's nothing out there?"
"Not what I'm saying," Hailey said with a soft laugh, "I mean, there's probably some sort of person or thing living outside of Earth, but I don't need to watch a million movies on it."
"It's not a million," Jay corrected.
"There are eleven," Theo added, "Which means there are way more of those Marvel movies you like. You can easily do eleven."
"I don't have time for eleven movies," Hailey said.
Jay chuckled quietly and sipped at his drink.
Hailey turned toward him and raised an eyebrow. "You think I have time for eleven movies? Aren't there TV shows too? Jay, when am I supposed to just join the Star Wars world?"
"I don't know," he laughed, "But I think it'll be worth your time."
"Knew I liked you," Theo said, reaching over to tap his glass to Jay's.
Jay laughed with him and nodded. "Glad to hear."
Hailey smiled and swirled her finger over the edge of her glass. It was a simple statement, but she knew Jay meant what he'd said. Even before he'd gotten hurt, he had wanted to have some sort of relationship with both of her brothers, especially Theo. He knew there were two men before him that meant so much to her: her uncle and her younger brother. Since he couldn't meet her uncle, who, by far, meant the most to her, he needed to make a good impression on Theo.
His leaving just intensified that need. It was no longer just that he wanted Theo to like him, but he wanted Theo to learn to respect him and believe him. He had her best interests at heart, and he needed to know that Theo knew that.
As they continued laughing and talking about which Star Wars movies they believed were the best and which order she needed to watch them all in, she had a gut feeling that he was going to get exactly that.
"You still make Greek food?" Theo asked as the three of them walked out of the bar together.
Hailey stopped walking and turned to face him, confused by his question. "Uh, yeah, of course. Why?"
Theo stuck his hands in his pockets and took a deep breath. "I – uh – I tried to make Mom's spanakopita a few months ago, and it was a complete disaster." His eyes flickered over to Jay before he took a step closer to her and lowered his voice. "Dough was too thick, but I burnt it and the inside kind of curdled or something. Because of all that, though, I…I don't know, it was more than just being pissed my food sucked; it was like I was twenty working at the restaurant again and dad was yelling at me."
Hailey winced at the memory and nodded. She remembered that time as well. She'd managed to get out, spending most of her time at school or in her run-down apartment to avoid whatever hell was happening at the restaurant, but Theo was still working for their parents as he tried figuring out what to do with his life. He'd been so distracted while trying to figure out if being an electrician really was for him or if he should go into another trade that there were many times he slipped up while at work.
Once, he'd even gotten burned because he was trying to read one of his textbooks while cooking, and instead of making sure he was okay, their dad had yelled at him for messing up the chicken that night. Theo had shown up to her apartment with his hand wrapped from the burn, and her first instinct had been that their dad was the cause. Even when he wasn't, she still placed the blame on him for her brother's stoic face as she tried her best to help him. It was another night that resulted in her crying in her pillow over her upbringing.
"I'm sorry," she breathed, "I can't…"
Jay glanced at her, and she sighed. She could imagine what it was like to relive the past. Not only has she frequently done just that regarding her family, but she'd also been reliving Jay's absence. That past wasn't nearly as long ago as her childhood was, yet it still hurt just as bad. She knew exactly how Theo felt.
Lost.
Frustrated.
Confused.
Hurt.
But she also knew that she felt proud while looking back, and she wasn't quite sure that Theo was in the same headspace right now to feel the same. She felt proud because she'd survived, but she only recently started feeling that way. She could look back on the trauma that she endured and recognize the strength she'd dug into and gained through doing so – it was something she'd attempted on her own prior to beginning therapy, but it was there with Robin that she really tried leaning into that feeling. The chances that Theo also felt proud for surviving their childhood were rather slim, especially because he had better memories of their parents and viewed them in a different light, so he probably did just view it as growing up and literally surviving – not pushing forward despite things seeming impossible.
Theo shook his head, and rubbed the back of his neck. "It's…it's okay. I'm not trying to commiserate or anything like that. I actually was maybe hoping you have the recipe and could make some sometime. I've sort of been craving it. You don't have to buy the ingredients or even host – I am more than willing to do that – but if you could cook it all…"
Hailey finally cracked a smile and tilted her head to the side to look at him. Raising an eyebrow, she asked, "Was this entire bar night a ploy to get me to cook you dinner?"
"No," Theo chuckled, "It just crossed my mind when we were paying. I don't really want to say goodbye. I mean – I'll say goodbye, I'm not going to hold you hostage, but I wouldn't mind if we did this again. That's all."
Hailey shook her head before stepping away from Jay to pull Theo into a hug. "We can definitely do it again," she whispered, "And I will make you spanakopita."
Theo laughed and squeezed her tight, stepping back after a moment. "You're the best. Thank you."
"Careful, you're gonna blow her head up," Jay chuckled. He reached out to shake Theo's hand and said, "Good to see you again."
"You too," Theo replied. He stuck his hands in his pockets then added, "Thanks for coming home to my sister. I'm sorry you got hurt, but…but thank you for coming home to her."
Jay smiled and glanced at Hailey. Nodding at her, he said, "Circumstances sucked, but it was what needed to happen. I'm glad to be home too."
She smiled back and grabbed his hand. As she squeezed his fingers, she said, "You made it, and that's all that matters."
Jay tugged her closer to him and kissed her forehead quickly, but still managed to whisper against her skin, "I love you."
Hailey blushed and stepped back from him. Glancing at Theo, she almost expected him to tease her like the team did, but instead he looked happy – maybe even proud.
"What?" she asked quietly.
Theo shook his head as he reached over to lightly hit his fist to her arm. "You're married," he said, "Like happily married, and that's crazy. You made it, hay bail. Uncle DJ would be so proud of his little firefly."
Her cheeks flushed an even brighter pink as the pride spread through her. She knew, without a doubt, that Theo meant it. There were many drunken conversations when they were younger where she told him that she'd never get married. He was well aware that she was worried their parents had screwed her up even if she never said it in those exact words. She didn't need to say anything.
It was after their uncle's death that those drunken nights really began, and it was because of his death that she first began worrying about her romantic future. Without a solid, good father figure in her life, she had been silently scared that no one would ever be able to vet her boyfriends. She wasn't sure that she trusted herself to meet someone and fall in love without the man who meant more than anything to her to give his stamp of approval. Theo had said he and Nik would step up to the plate for her, but it hadn't been the same. Uncle DJ would never meet the man she fell in love with, and it'd been a hard pill to swallow.
Looking at Jay next to her, she felt that same pure rush of emotion she'd felt months before when she'd taken him to her uncle's grave and realized that Uncle DJ really would have loved him. She could hold back the tears threatening her eyes, but she wasn't able to ignore that hearing Theo say their uncle would be proud of her relationship made her heart beat a little bit faster and make her feel a little more buzzed. While she'd had the same thoughts herself, hearing Theo say them just confirmed it all. The idea was worth even more now than when she'd been the only one having it.
"And he'd be proud of you," she replied softly, turning back to Theo, "You really made something of yourself and found a way out. That's amazing."
Theo smiled slightly and nodded. "It wasn't easy work, but it was worth it."
"Definitely," Hailey agreed. Smiling, she added, "And you have a girlfriend of your own, so you never know, maybe you'll get some sort of sign from Uncle DJ saying she's the one for you too."
Theo laughed and shook his head. "I don't know about that. It's been like two months."
"People know in two months," Jay said, "Trust me."
Hailey looked at him and let out a laugh of disbelief. "Really?" she asked.
He scoffed and nodded. "Knew you'd be a good partner when I accidentally shot Morgan, and I knew you'd be the perfect wife when you were so determined to help me out when I was shot myself. The wife thing maybe was a bit of a stretch because we weren't even dating yet, but it was certainly within two months of me realizing how important you were to me. We didn't have to be dating for me to know that."
"Jay."
His name came out as a breath so quiet that she wasn't quite sure he even heard her say it, but what he'd said was everything to her because she'd felt the same way with him. There was no hesitation in trusting him either as a partner at work or at home. Jay had been her missing piece that she'd been looking for her entire life, and she hadn't wanted to let him go even after just two months together.
"See? It's okay you didn't invite me to your vow renewal," Theo teased, "You're just as gross and in love now as you probably were at that bar."
Hailey laughed and reached over to shove his arm. "Shut up," she said, "And goodnight."
Theo chuckled and waved her off. She and Jay had broached the subject of their vow renewal after everyone had finished their first drink. Theo had assured that he was okay and understood why she hadn't reached out to tell him, but that didn't erase the sinking feeling in Hailey's stomach. While her chosen family had been there, and maybe they had been the most important, she probably still would have wanted Theo there for the closure she was feeling in this very moment.
Then again, like Jay's homecoming, maybe everything was meant to happen at a certain time for a certain reason. She needed to reach this point in her life where she was nearly at closure regarding the last year – from Anna's death to Jay's going to Bolivia through his entire recovery. Without getting here, she wasn't quite sure that she would be able to face Theo. She had needed to prove to herself that she truly had recovered from everything that she had gone through – in no world could she face him while thinking that she had failed or that she really had lost her husband. Tonight was the perfect time to face her family – mainly, and really only, Theo – and she was proud to say she'd done it.
"Night, you two," Theo said, "It was really good seeing you both. Talk to you soon."
"Mhmm," Hailey hummed with a soft laugh.
Jay lightly hit Theo's shoulder in reply before slipping his hand back in Hailey's and leading her over to his truck. Together, they got in and buckled their seatbelts, settling into their seats in silence. Once Jay had the car in drive and was heading out of the parking lot, he looked over at her and smiled.
"Happy?" he asked quietly.
She smiled back at him and nodded. "Very," she said, "I was worried, but I didn't have to be. It was really nice."
"It was," Jay agreed. He reached over to grab her hand again and squeezed it tightly. "I especially liked seeing you with him. I know you had a rough relationship with your family while growing up and that the two of you still have your moments, but you're a different person when you're around him. I…I kind of…"
Hailey raised an eyebrow and rubbed her thumb over the back of his hand. "What?" she asked softly, "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, yeah, of course," Jay said quickly, "I'm good – just trying to figure out how to say something."
Hailey nodded in understanding and rested her head back on her seat. He'd done so much for her tonight just by coming with her that she would give him all the time in the world if that's what it took for him to form his sentence.
Close to ten minutes later, when they were nearly home, Jay finally said, "I'm thinking of two things based on tonight."
"Okay," Hailey breathed, sitting up to get a better look at him.
Jay's hands flexed against the steering wheel, and he breathed in slowly before nodding to himself. "To start, I really, really wish I could have met your uncle," he began, glancing over at her quickly, "After talking with Theo today and hearing what he'd had to say about him, I wish we could bring back the dead. I'd love to meet him, and I'd love for you to meet my mom. Our family is important to us, no matter how complicated it is, but those two people are…they're us, and it's screwed up that we never got to introduce each other to them."
Hailey softened and let out a breath. There was no world in which she didn't wish for that exact same thing. She'd give anything for Jay to meet Uncle DJ and hear his jokes and even his advice that was sometimes unasked for. The two of them would have gotten along incredibly well, and it truly was cruel that it was never going to happen.
And what she'd give to meet his mom…Hailey didn't know if there really was an exact price on it. Amelia Halstead was surely an incredible woman who had most definitely raised one of the most perfectly imperfect men Hailey had ever had the pleasure of falling in love with. She wanted to thank the woman who helped make it happen, and while she could pray or visit her headstone or look up at the stars, it would never replace the real thing.
They should have been able to introduce each other to the people who gave them their drive and determination. It would perhaps give even more meaning to their marriage, but there was also nothing they could do about it, so it shouldn't be worth their worry. It could be a want and a wish, but not the end-all-be-all for them. Life happened, and they'd grown because of it. That growth was what had brought them together in the long run, and that was not something they could ever complain about.
Jay parked the truck outside their apartment building then turned to look at her, clearly steadying himself before saying the final thought that had been on his mind: "You are going to be an amazing mom some day, Hailey, and I cannot wait until I can have a family with you. There's something about the way you light up when you talk about yours and all the good pieces of it that make me fall even more in love with you. I want you to know that whenever you're ready, I'm ready. This is it, Hail, this is us; I swear to you. I'm not leaving you ever again. You are-"
She didn't know what she was.
Instead, she pushed herself across the center console and pressed her lips to Jay's, drowning out whatever he was trying to tell her. She didn't need to hear it. She needed to kiss him, and she needed him right now.
Because she loved Jay Halstead. She loved having him in her life, and she loved who she was with him, and she loved him. She loved him more than she ever imagined she'd be able to love any person in the world. He taught her how to love with her whole heart and to dive headfirst into situations that scared her. He showed her she had strength deep within her when she thought she didn't have anything else to give in the face of adversity.
Jay was it for her. He could give her a family in the future, and that was wonderful, but he could also give her a life right now – a happy life full of love and acceptance and vulnerability and everything good in the world.
He was her home.
Forever.
A/N: Hey everyone! I hope you enjoyed getting to meet Theo. I've been excited to write someone new :) That being said, this will be the last update for the fic for about a month. I have four other things I'll be sharing in February that I can't wait to share with you all, so I'm not completely saying goodbye. :) I'll be back in a week, and this fic will be back before you know it. Until then!