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Chapter 43

Much to Do

Bella

My last four weeks as a human began and there was still much to do.

I had to write pseudo-university applications. Emmett and I had to find a place to live while I would be dangerous to humans. I still wanted to spend a lot of time with the pack and Angela. I had to tell the pack about the transformation and ask Sam for permission. And on top of everything, I had to study for final exams last week.

I had no idea how to juggle it all, so I just put a lot of it off, especially the confrontation with the boys.

I did the applications on a free afternoon when Charlie was also off so he could see me applying to unis. Because it was for him alone that I was doing all this application crap in the first place. Emmett said we could do anything I wanted after I was a newborn. We could travel around, work, study, go back to high school, and more. Of course, I liked the option of just traveling the world with him, but I also wanted to do something meaningful. After I checked off the application thing, I crammed every minute after school.

Jasper helped me with Spanish and Angela with math, my two problem subjects.

I asked Alice to see into the future to find out the exam questions, but she refused.

"Bella! That would be cheating," she said piqued.

"But you vampires having a super memory is not cheating?", I then asked her.

And she had no answer to that.

Studying took up all my time besides school, so Emmett offered to take care of things in Alaska himself - which took a huge load off my shoulders. Besides, I didn't really care where we were as long as I was with Emmett.

The others tried to prepare me for the transformation and the time afterwards. Carlisle said that morphine might ease the pain.

That was my biggest fear, the unbearable pain. Everyone told me what it was like for them. And I resolved to have the same self-control as Carlisle, who was able to hide completely still under a pile of potatoes for three days while he transformed.

Jasper and Emmett showed me tricks to calm down or take your mind off things when all you could think about was human blood. Things like holding your breath, counting backwards from a hundred, running in the opposite direction until you completely forgot the smell, always chasing enough animals, and so on.

I always took the weekends off to spend with my boys from the reservation.

Once we were all together at a campfire and grilled sausages on wooden sticks. Emily and Sam were there too and for dessert we had muffins from Emily. After dinner we told each other scary stories. Since Emmett wasn't there, Embry and Quil would take me in their arms when I was scared - just like before.

One time we went cliff diving and because Emmett had enjoyed it so much last time, he came along too, dragging Alice and Jasper along.

Alice didn't like not seeing anything, but since the party, everyone seemed to get along a little better.

When we arrived in the forest in front of the cliffs, the wolves were about to phase back when Emmett gave the silver-gray wolf a hook on the chin.

At that, the two of them started a fight and I almost freaked out because I thought they were really going to fight.

Then when Paul phased back and laughed at my face along with Emmett, Emmett just said, "I still had to return the favor for something."

And then he pushed Paul down the cliff.

So the guys tried to throw each other off the cliff.

I climbed down a little further first with Angela and Kim before we jumped.

I didn't want her to jump from the top right from the start.

Alice outshone all the boys with her jumps when she did flips and pirouettes in the air like a ballerina.

We all had so much fun that when we got home I started to cry.

I knew it would never be like that again. Because Sam tolerated the togetherness of the vampires with his pack only very reluctantly. And if he ordered them to attack us because we had violated the treaty, then they would have to obey.

Emmett tried to comfort me and suggested that I talk to Sam the next Saturday. But I wanted to have one last good day with the pack first before I would tell them that evening.

So on the third weekend, I arranged to meet Jake, Angela, and Emmett for a motorcycle ride. Afterwards we wanted to meet the other guys and hang out with them some more. Since Angela was now much better at driving, we left my truck at Jake's house and rode the bikes up to the cliffs where there were wonderful tracks to race.

"Bella, what kind of face are you making?", Jake asked me when we arrived upstairs.

I had to think about how to tell them all the time.

I shrugged my shoulders and laughed broadly.

"A little tired, I guess," I lied, trying hard to look more cheerful.

Emmett looked at me worriedly.

He noticed every time I woke up from my nightmares, of course.

Because last week I had nightmares almost every night.

How the werewolves were hunting the Cullens and me and it came to a fight where either all the wolves would be killed or my new family. Or how I looked all over the reservation and La Push and everywhere for Jake and the others, but couldn't find them until I realized I would never see them again.

Most days I would wake up with tears in my eyes.

Emmett tried to calm me down, but I could see for myself how much it hurt him to see me like that. He offered that we could wait longer. Physically, he was twenty, so I could stay human for a good two more years. But I didn't want that. I wanted a life with Emmett - forever. And even if we put it off, the goodbye would come. So that didn't accomplish much.

I walked over to Emmett and gave him a kiss.

"Don't worry, Emmy bear. I'll be fine."

I wrapped my arms around his middle, and he pressed me to his chest.

"Hi, do you guys want to race or smooch around now?" shouted Jake.

"Take a ride without us. We'll cuddle around some more," I said, pulling Emmett's head down toward me.

I saw Jake roll his eyes in the corner of my eye and hop on his bike. The engines roared to life, and they were gone.

"Have you thought about what you're going to say?" Emmett asked me when Jake was out of earshot.

I shook my head.

"I think it would be best to talk to Sam first. I'm glad Carlisle is going to do most of that talking. But then if I have to tell the guys ... I don't know what to say. They're going to hate me for it anyway. Jake once said to me it would be better for him if I were dead than a vampire, when we came to the subject ...", I said, almost getting sentimental again.

I shook my head to get rid of the bad thoughts.

"But now I want to have some more fun!", I said and swung on my bike.