Chapter 4 (Hiro's POV)
The Lucky Cat hadn't changed much since I'd moved out. If anything, I was the one who seemed different instead of it. Karmi joked it was the gray hair ready to come in at any second. I always tried to ignore that brand of humor…
We heard the bells jingle as Karmi held the door open for me. Which wasn't exactly the way it was supposed to be…
"Thanks, you're such a gentleman," I teased, deadpan.
She grinned at me. "No problem, it's just a little extra consideration for your hand. Just don't let your manly ego self-destruct before it heals."
"Me, ego?"
I pretended I didn't see her roll her eyes. I always pretended that.
We sat down at the counter, waiting for Aunt Cass to reappear from the kitchen. The cafe was mostly deserted, with the last customer besides us heading for the door as we sat down. Within a minute or two, Aunt Cass reappeared with all the subtly of a train wreck.
"Hiro! There you are!"
When she dashed over to the door and flipped the open sign to closed I knew we were in for it. And sure enough…
"Are you alright, what happened, does that hurt?!"
I held up my good hand. "Take it easy Aunt Cass, I'm fine, I just picked up a little souvenir from my last mission. No big."
She pressed her lips together staring at me like she didn't believe a word I'd said. "I saw it on the news Hiro, I'd hardly say it was no big. I'm relieved you're safe but…"
I smiled at her when she trailed off. "I'm pretty sure coffee might help fix it."
She grinned back slowly, trying to let herself accept I was okay. That it was all over now. "The usual?"
"Yes," Karmi stepped in. "A black coffee for me and a heretic latte for him."
"Really?" I said playing along. "Just because I don't like my coffee to taste like hydraulic fluid I'm a heretic?"
She smiled at me with a look that would have been annoying if she wasn't so beautiful. "Adding sugar just dumbs down the experience. It's probably indicative of an underlying reluctance to face reality as it is, Hiro."
"See how brow-beaten I am?" I mumbled as I turned back to Aunt Cass.
"You kids never change," she laughed as he started in on the coffee.
In reality, I was grateful for Karmi trying to lighten the mood. Both of us could see Aunt Cass wasn't adjusting to knowing I was in Big Hero 6 all that well. Each time I got so much as a scratch it ate away at her. I could understand it, Karmi felt the same way, she was just a lot better at hiding it. Or at least she thought she was…
As much as I loved being honest and open about it now, I hated making them worry. But there was no getting around it, our marriage, for instance, would have been doomed from the start without Karmi knowing the truth. I hated to even think about it, but I assumed after the first few times I disappeared suspiciously she'd have hired a mob boss to break both my legs.
I grinned a little thinking about it.
"Here you go," Aunt Cass whispered as she slid us our drinks. A few quiet moments passed between the three of us before she finally spoke up.
"So, how have things been, besides the life-threatening injury, of course?"
I cleared my throat. "I wouldn't really say life-threatening… But uh according to Granville, the educational board liked my speech so much they've even booked me at a few other venues."
"Oh Hiro, that's wonderful!" Aunt Cass gushed.
"Why didn't you tell me that?" Karmi asked.
"Well, I was a little busy last night… Besides, it's not a big deal, it wasn't like the speech was that great."
"It was so that great," Aunt Cass protested. "It was a very vulnerable topic, Hiro, the kind more young people need to hear. You have no idea how insanely proud of you we are!"
I glanced at Karmi, half waiting for a snarky quip about it, but I got a sincere look instead. "It was really great, Hiro, I mean that…"
Aunt Cass looked over her shoulder at that familiar photo of Tadashi. She didn't say anything, but we all knew she didn't have to.
The effect of the past on our future…
It didn't take a genius to know where my inspiration was coming from.
But if I was honest, the lecture felt more like the beginning of a discussion of the topic, not some how-to lesson. Because I really didn't have all the answers. But maybe that was the point…
"Where's Baymax by the way?" she finally asked.
"At SFIT," Karmi answered. "He got called into the school infirmary to work some overtime."
"Oh, what happened? No one's badly hurt, are they?"
I chuckled. "From what I heard, someone's chem homework escaped in the cafeteria and caused a small outbreak. It's mostly harmless, other than having a laxative effect, let's say."
"Yikes…" Aunt Cass mumbled, getting the picture.
I nodded. "Needless to say, I'm skipping the cafeteria for the rest of the week."
Karmi smiled, ribbing me in the side. "I thought you preferred a greasy bag of chips out of the teacher's lounge anyway?"
"Hey, you can't beat the classics."
Two days went by with little change. It was mostly the same old routine, just a little harder given I only had one usable hand. Another me would have used the opportunity to lay around and do nothing, but being old was all about responsibility and adulting. But if I was honest, I felt restless even on my days off…
"I'll probably be late again, you'll be okay, right?" Karmi asked, hesitating on the doorstep.
I gave her a lopsided smile. "Yeah, fine, of course. Think I can't make it without you?"
She grinned back at me. "Yes, something like that."
She gave me a quick kiss goodbye before turning to leave. But she only got halfway down the steps before she stopped and looked over her shoulder.
"Hiro…if something comes up maybe consider letting everyone else handle it this time. Okay…?"
I frowned, knowing that was the last thing I wanted to ever do. I opened my mouth to explain as much, maybe even to try and turn it into a joke, but somehow… Somehow the words didn't come, probably because we both already knew them.
"I love you, see you later…"
"Yeah, love you too…" was all I could whisper behind her.
I stood there watching until she'd rounded a corner out of sight. If I was really, really honest, I'd have told her I wished something would happen. Something to distract from this feeling inside my gut. The sense of restlessness and dread that the encounter at the museum had caused. It was dumb to hope for trouble, but sometimes I felt dumb…
Sometimes I felt like I was at war with myself. Which had to be stupid. I had everything now, I should have been nothing but happy. But maybe that was the problem, to begin with. Back at the museum, the smell of smoke, the fire almost something I could taste…
I glanced down at my banged hand.
It reminded me… Reminded me of everything.
Which is why my actions made no sense. Promising Baymax I'd be back later, I found myself outside of the prison, of all places. But in my heart, I felt like I was chasing something. Trying desperately to find a piece of me I'd lost all those years ago.
I came to see Professor Callaghan most weekends. But Chief Cruz never questioned even if I changed up the schedule. I assumed, he never knew when I was actually on business for Big Hero 6. Standing there, watching Callaghan's back, I wished I were, but I knew I was only here for Hiro Hamada…
"Professor?" I said finally to get his attention.
His first look was surprised but it melted into a simple smile soon enough. "Hiro, what brings you here today?"
I let a sigh escape my lips but tried to act casual. "I don't really know myself, just restless I guess. Karmi's working late tonight so…"
He glanced down at my hand. "Are you alright?"
"Oh this, it's nothing serious."
He nodded, sensing I didn't want to say more. A silence drifted between us before he slowly spoke up again.
"I heard your lecture the other day, Hiro, the chief was gracious enough to allow me to watch it."
"Really…?" I rubbed my arm a little self-consciously. "Oh well, it was just something I was thinking a lot about lately. No big deal…"
He smiled. "Your modesty is admirable, but praise is warranted. It's not often that the scientific community looks up from their work long enough to ask themselves why they're doing it in the first place. This new generation of scientists and inventors especially need that, Hiro. If we lose sight of what motivates us, it's easy to let our work encroach on what matters most to us." He sighed. "That's the irony of it all..."
"Yeah, I've thought a lot about that…" I hesitated, feeling a little awkward. "I guess being married now has something to do with it…"
He smiled at me softly, his eyes seeming both kind and yet far away. "It can certainly change your perspective, Hiro…" He looked down, hesitating. "My Sarah and I didn't always balance our lives together and our work in exactly the right way either."
He'd spoken so little of his family, I waited, wondering if he'd go on. "But that same irony was there, because I did it all for her."
"What was she like?" I asked gently when he'd gone silent.
A faint smile drifted to his lips. "She was very strong-willed, in fact, it was an argument over her criticisms of my work that strangely led to us getting closer."
I chuckled softly. "I can relate to that…"
"She never hesitated to set me straight…" A sadness grew behind his eyes. "Sometimes I wonder what she would say if she could see me now…"
"What happened to her, sir…?" I asked carefully.
He ran a hand through his hair. "She was killed in a traffic accident when Abigail was still small… No one was really at fault, it was just an accident." He went on slowly, candidly. "So I…had no one to blame. So I chose to blame myself. I deemed myself a failure for not inventing a machine that would have made such an accident impossible. So for the next few decades, I wholly devoted myself to doing just that." He looked up at me, his eyes intense but filled with sadness.
"Silent Sparrow was meant to revolutionize the world of transportation forever. It was Krei's funding that made it possible, but my research. Abbie shared my dream, so she was more than willing to volunteer. When it seemed that I'd lost her too, I couldn't bear to blame myself for losing both of them…"
He looked away from me as if it were the only way he could say the words. "I needed someone else to blame in order to keep living. To have lost both of them… To have lost everything…"
"Why didn't you ever tell me…?" I asked in a whisper.
I heard the sigh slip from him in one heavy breath. "Because I was ready, Hiro, finally ready to stop making excuses and take responsibility." He looked back at me. "You taught me that… Tadashi, taught me that…"
I felt my lips quiver with old emotion I fought to control. All the old demons I thought I'd expelled so long ago. But here they were, still alive and taunting me…
"I don't mean to cause you any more pain, Hiro. The friendship we've built over the months has been precious to me. You give me hope that perhaps one day Abbie can find a way to forgive me too…"
I nodded, choking back my emotion. "I-I understand… I understand why…" I finally managed to say. "I've been able to come here every week because of finally understanding." I looked up at him as silent tears ran down my face. "That intention matters more than anything else… And I do forgive you. I have, and it's done. But the scars are still haunting me, sir… I'm afraid these old ghosts will somehow damage everything I have now. The lecture I gave didn't have any answers, I'm just trying to at least ask the right questions… I…I owe Karmi and Tadashi that much."
A silence fell between us as I vented the last of my emotion. The tears I'd fought to hold back for so long now. The truth that I'd tried so hard to suppress.
If I was happy now, it just meant I had so much to lose. To lose all over again. And if I did, I wasn't sure if I'd be able to survive. What would it be possible for me to become if I lost Karmi too…? I cried because I realized all at once that Callghan and I were really the same, weren't we?
The realization battered me. Because a part of me already understood it all from the beginning. It was the part that was always holding back, afraid to love anyone with everything I had. The part that felt wrong for even trying…
The manga adaption of the movie had a slightly different take on Callghan's back story and on project Silent Sparrow which I took a bit of inspiration from here. Anyway, thanks for the reviews as always!