Chapter LX

The Demon Charmer

TW: Eating Disorders

I'm abruptly torn from my sleep when my stomach rumbles like a storm and pain stabs my insides. I'm too hot and sweaty. As I open my eye, I see that the blanket is no longer on the bed. Looking at the blond next to me, the heat is affecting him too, since his forehead is wet. Instead of sticking to me like an annoying leech, he keeps his distance; he doesn't even touch me, and his tail lies on the ground.

The proximity of our two bodies accentuated this stifling heat that rocks Konohagakure. When I push back my curtains, the weather is cloudy and rather grey, although the light attacks my retina. I half open the window; the air is heavy and unpleasantly humid. I wouldn't be surprised if the sky burst today…

I let out a long sigh.

Destiny is against me.

I have to go out today…

It's nine o'clock in the morning. It's a little late, but I'll have to live with it…

Without warning, my stomach twists my internal organs in all directions; the pain makes me groan silently. I'm craving and starving. I'd eat anything. I hate sweet, but I'd eat a cake so much so the hunger is tearing me in two.

Without wasting time, I jump out of bed and head to the kitchen. From then on, I gobble up everything I find, including my meal from the day before, which I devour in seconds, right in the fridge. I'm by nature meticulous and careful with my food, but I'm eating with my hands like a true savage who has fasted too long.

Very quickly, I stop. I turn green and put a hand to my mouth to refrain myself from vomiting. With disgust, I swallow when a stomach surge burns my esophagus and stings my tongue. To my misfortune, the nauseating hiccups continue. I fight the urge to spit it all out.

I don't have the luxury of regurgitating what little I manage to eat; my body is getting thinner at an alarming rate.

I breathe in slowly and deeply. I prevent as best I can these involuntary movements, which attack my body pounded by a battering ram. In the meantime, I hear Naruto walking to me; a veil of worry covers his anxious face. My physical discomfort woke him from his slumber. He's alert to his environment, to me, even if he's sound asleep.

"You don't have to … to worry, Naruto," I stammer, my hand pressed to my lips as I suppress another stomach surge. "Get ready while … while I take my shower…"

Naruto frowns before placing his palm on my forehead. His already furrowed eyebrows only became more so.

"Stop worrying. I'm fine…"

The sapphire-eyed boy utters a noise, unconvinced. He stares at me and stands there, looking at me. His black tail beats anxiously. He thinks I will collapse at any moment… I don't have the energy to argue with my student.

I'm patiently waiting for the crisis to pass…

It takes a while, but I no longer have to fight my own body. Naruto calms down when I feel better and he rushes to offer me a hug, which I return by ruffling his golden hair. I tell him to get ready and not to go back to bed while I shower.

Underwater, infernal gurgling noises in my abdomen make me grind my teeth. I gaze a little too often at the toilet that invites me to a ball of disastrous vomiting. I don't know what's going on with me. These bulimic behaviours are particularly worrying and invasive.

Apart from periods of fleeting fasts, I've never suffered from an eating disorder. I'm aware that it's a serious problem; I'm losing weight too quickly. Yet my throat tightens if I try to talk about it. Useless shame assails me if I open my mouth, sealing my vocal cords forever. My pride and my very reserved nature make me as silent as Naruto…

As long as I don't give in to the urge to stick two fingers down my throat, I plan to remain silent.

Fortunately, my sick symptoms fade after my shower, although the discomfort persists. After hunger, anxiety takes over. I'm not ready to face what awaits me outside, but I have to go out.

In order to extinguish the flames that this full moon night has generated, I must show that Naruto isn't a threat and that he's harmless. If the situation continues to escalate, Lady Tsunade will have to respond to the many complaints to lock him up. To avoid losing control, she will have no choice. I know this very well. Naruto will be put in a cage, me included. This possibility, which hangs the sword of Damocles over my head, doesn't delight me at all.

Naruto is waiting for me patiently in the room, and as requested, he's dressed in his orange outfit and his shinobi headband. I imitated him by dressing in my usual ninja gear. According to his tired little eyes and yawns, Naruto didn't sleep all night. So much the better. He will be calmer and more docile.

Before going out, he puts on the dark cloak that I take off from him. In response to the question marks in his eyes, I explain to him that it's no longer necessary. He then gives me a smile. Since everyone knows, I don't have to hide his tail. Hiding it as if nothing had happened is a bad idea; I'd be a hypocrite, taking others for fools.

One hand on the handle, I take in breaths of air. I mentally prepare myself for what awaits me. My nervousness affects Naruto. He clings to my arm in anguish, and I have to reassure him.

After many days of absence, I set foot outside my apartment.

- XxX -

The tension is as overwhelming as the depressing, colourless sky; the dark clouds are ready to flood the ground. Without surprise, their eyes focus on us with contempt; at that, murmurs are exchanged, dying down when I look in their direction. As if I were enveloped in a magnetic field, the others distance themselves and move away when we're a little too close.

I ignore them, but I feel their hateful looks, their undisguised negative waves that give me unpleasant chills. In turn, I can only frown. I hear harsh words and I clench my fists. I hear this famous word on everyone's lips… Demon, demon and demon… However, other words are mixed in… These words are intended for me and designate me.

"The Demon Charmer."

Suddenly, I stop to stare at them, stunned. Of course, they hurry away. I wasn't warned about this nickname, which is in no way appreciated… To tell the truth, I wasn't expecting that at all. I see myself ten years ago. That time when I was in the ANBU and let my soul become corrupted with darkness. The ignorance of others has led to hateful nicknames…

"Friend-Killer Kakashi"…

"Cold-Blooded Kakashi"…

These nicknames haunt my past. They preferred to believe in rumours, turning a blind eye to the truth, which anchored a scar in me. Sometimes, my heart still bleeds today when I languish, contemplate the extent of my errors which cling to my shadow, rotting me like the plague to the very marrow. It took ten years for the whispers to die down and now, I'm experiencing the same hateful phenomenon.

No matter where I look, I only see these eyes that scream at us that we're not welcome here. Plus, it makes Naruto uncomfortable. He clings even closer to me and his tail barely moves; I notice a few ruffled hairs on the latter, betraying his stress and anxiety.

"Ignore them, Naruto. No one will raise a hand against you. You can trust me," I reassure him, putting an arm around his shoulders.

The sun veiled in dark clouds doesn't blind my student, but because of this sinister, hateful atmosphere, he keeps his head down. Even the shinobi give me their disdainful and contemptuous look. With the rumours proliferating like weeds, they must think I'm here to find a prey for Naruto. All in all, Naruto is relatively calm considering the situation.

This shows that his phobia of humankind has lessened.

To keep Naruto busy during the nights to come, I stop by this store where there are games of all kinds, including other playful puzzles. However, I barely have time to enter when the saleswoman raises her voice.

"Leave my shop immediately!" she shouts at me, pointing at the exit. "I don't want you or this 'thing' here!"

"T-Thing...?" I repeat, stunned.

Naruto hides behind me, clinging to my hips. Not expecting such violence, I freeze, blinking several times.

"Are you deaf?! I told you to get out!"

I mutter a few inaudible sounds before shaking my head. I'm getting mad. "What are these manners?!" I reply coldly as I walk to the counter, with Naruto on my heels. "I'd like to point out that this 'thing,' as you say, is a person, even a child!"

"It's neither a child nor a person!" she retorts even more, causing Naruto to hiss. "You're gonna get out and take this beast with you before it trashes my store!"

"What?!" I slam my hands roughly on the counter. "We came here two weeks ago and nothing happened! He wouldn't hurt a fly!"

"How can I believe you?! It's growling with crazy eyes and you want me to believe that this beast is harmless?!"

"He wouldn't have started growling if you hadn't shouted at us when we first stepped inside!"

"You're getting the hell out of my store!" she cuts me off, burying my voice with hers. "You and your pet demon are leaving!"

'Pet… Pet demon...?' I whisper to myself, my eyes wide as marbles.

The tips of Naruto's claws dig into my skin; his face, which has become completely feral, is frightening and aggressive. I can't drag on any longer or stand up to her; I can only reluctantly abdicate. Otherwise, the blond will get even angrier.

"Naruto, calm down. It's nothing. We're leaving, okay?" I tell him, grabbing him by the shoulders.

Fortunately, he obeys me and stops hissing, although his eyebrows are too furrowed and he wags his tail too much while staring at the woman.

She spoke of him as if he were just a mere pet. To say I'm angry would be an understatement. I'm furious. Am I really going to get kicked out of every store and yelled at?

Once outside, I hear whispers that capture my attention.

"The demon charmer was indeed Kakashi…"

"Do you think he has a tail too?"

"Knowing him, he must hide it."

Suddenly, I turn around, startling the two shinobi. My glare is black angry; the wrath makes my blood boil in my veins. I'm furious, to the point of shaking. I rush forward with a determined step to confront them…

"Kakashi-Sensei!" a familiar voice calls out to me.

Turning on my heel, I recognize Shikamaru not far from me. It's only now that I notice that my student is hissing and growling, showing his teeth, and that his eyes are glowing. He stares at the two shinobi who have taken a few steps back. My emotions influence Naruto's and if I don't calm down, I will end up giving reason to these rumours myself…

- XxX -

"The demon charmer, huh?"

I nod and swallow my tea in one gulp before letting out a sigh.

To calm down, I followed Shikamaru to a rather quiet corner, very close to a small food stand, selling drinks and pastries of all kinds. In order to avoid another unpleasant situation, I let Shikamaru buy us some tea, including one for himself. We sat on a bench, under the shade of an oak tree. I shared with him what happened.

The blond has gulped down his tea, and remains glued to me. His black tail rests peacefully in the grass cooled by the bad weather.

"I thought I misunderstood when I heard it too," Shikamaru continues. "I didn't expect you to be chased away like this either…"

"Indeed. The way things have turned out surprises me," I whisper, landing my gaze on Naruto. "I have to be careful. Naruto is too sensitive to my moods. If I'm upset, he'll imitate me and get angry too…"

"I noticed that. A little more and he was turning into a thunderstorm."

I roll my eyes. "I've only been outside for an hour and I already want to go home…"

"It's not your fault, Kakashi-Sensei. Maybe it's best if you aren't seen with him right now."

"If Naruto could be with someone other than me, it would help. The most harmful rumours concern Naruto and me. Perhaps they'll stop believing that I'm his 'master' or that I'm under his control if he's seen without me."

"I agree with you," Shikamaru nods, looking at the blond. "I'd walk him for you. But is he simply capable of doing without you?"

Naruto turns his head, arching an eyebrow. According to his face, he wasn't listening to us. Since he trusts Shikamaru, to the point of offering him a hug, I wonder if he'd be willing and able to be alone with him. Moreover, it would also relieve this burden. If I can entrust him to the youngster, even if only for an hour, I would be greatly delighted.

I exchange a glance with Shikamaru, who immediately guesses my intentions. I get up and seeing Naruto imitating me, I force him to sit down again by placing my hands on his shoulders. "You stay here, Naruto," I order him firmly. "I have to go somewhere for a little while, and you'll wait for me here with Shikamaru."

My student freezes and holds his breath. His wide-open pupils no longer look away from me and have stopped blinking. I feel his anxieties mixed with fear and incomprehension. In an immediate crescendo, his heart starts racing.

When I move my leg, Naruto quickly grabs me by the jacket and wraps his tail tightly around my leg to prevent me from leaving. I almost lose my balance. In addition to his distressed noises, his dead wheezing begins to follow the frantic pace in his chest.

"Easy, Naruto," I whisper and delicately place my hands on his terrified face. "You don't have to worry. I'll be very close. I promised you, Naruto. I'm not gonna abandon you."

Saying so, I press my forehead against his; my eye as black as the night takes hold of his irises as blue as the day. This gesture immediately calms his fears and the emotional avalanche; his breathing slows down, returns to normal.

"I trust Shikamaru like you trust me, Naruto. He'll watch over you until I return. I'll come back very soon. I promise."

Listening to my words, Naruto calms down. The tremors betray his hesitation and his fears. I pull away from him and the blond glances shyly at the other teen.

"Kakashi told you, right? He'll come back and we'll both wait for him."

"Trust me, Naruto," I say again, taking his hands to encourage him to let go. "Everything will be all right. You won't be alone. You'll never be alone again, Naruto."

His hands tighten, but the grip on my leg weakens. After an uncomfortable silence, Naruto finally releases me reluctantly. In response, I offer him a smile, sliding a hand through his golden mane.

"That's good, Naruto. Stay here."

I turn on my heel, and my student doesn't hold me back. However, when I take a glance, I see that he's frozen from head to toe. He stares at me in anguish while his hairs stand up. All in all, the fact that he doesn't rush to me is a pretty good sign.

I'm convinced that he can be alone, even for a brief moment, with Shikamaru.

- XxX -

Naruto watched the precious human in his eyes walk away and leave him. Although Kakashi promised to return very soon, he fought fiercely with himself. His voice was eager to scream, to see Kakashi return to his side. Torn between the choice of pleasing Kakashi, so that Kakashi would be proud of him, and the choice of rushing to Kakashi, he had turned into stone.

The suffering of solitude caused tingling sensations under his skin, which pierced him from the inside; he felt as if something was crushing his heart and burning his chest with sadistic lava. Slowly, the tremors returned to assault him as Naruto focused on Kakashi's delicate scent, as if his life depended on it.

Shikamaru quickly noticed his comrade in the grip of anxiety, even before the jolts poisoned him. Despite his blindness during the day, the blond's gaze stared at a very precise direction; his irises were focused on something. With his sense of smell, Naruto tracked the Copy Ninja, as if he saw him with his nose.

In order to free Naruto from this attachment disorder, Naruto had to stop thinking about Kakashi. He had to learn to be his own person without depending on him, understand that he didn't need Kakashi as much as he thought, and that Kakashi was not his world. The blond had to see the world around him without his light, move forward on his own and grow. He had to accept the hand of another and understand that this was necessary to heal, to overcome the demons lurking in his broken mind. There was not just Kakashi in this world.

Shikamaru understood all this well, and he had to make Naruto understand it now.

"Naruto, it's—"

He did not have time to say three words in a row when distant voices startled Naruto, who hurried to cling to Shikamaru. Distraught, the feral boy briefly hid behind him and pinned his hands into Shikamaru's shoulders, digging his claws into them.

Shikamaru was electrocuted by a gentle shock that made him wince. The deadly weapons at the fingertips had passed through his ninja jacket and pierced his skin; his blood beaded from these insignificant and uncomfortable wounds. Naruto squeezed him so tightly that Shikamaru felt like the blond was crushing his slowly agonizing shoulders.

"Naruto, calm down," he grimaced in pain. He cautiously grabbed Naruto's hands, ignoring the electricity that penetrated his flesh. "You're ripping my skin off…"

The blond ignored him—rather, his words did not reach his deaf ears. Kakashi's delicate and unique scent overwhelmed all his attention.

"Naruto! Ahoy!" Shikamaru shouted.

This time, Naruto heard him. He finally noticed his palms drilling into the fragile flesh. He hastened to release his hurting grip on Shikamaru, who in turn withdrew his hands. However, Naruto remained clinging to his clothes, as if he feared falling into the void, from which he could never escape.

"I see that you can know where he is," he said, annoyed. "Kakashi won't magically disappear. So, stop worrying about nothing and think about something else. He'll be back soon…"

Naruto listened silently, his attention still focused on the precious human in his eyes like a moth around a light. Shikamaru held back a sigh.

Naruto would refuse to follow him without his guardian, on whom he was dependent. He was far too tense and on edge; he ruffled many hairs. Shikamaru had to find a way to make him forget about Kakashi … although it was impossible…

The light bulb in his head lit up.

"I'm gonna change your mind, you'll see!"

Saying so, Shikamaru abruptly stood up and climbed over the bench to sit down again, in front of Naruto who, meanwhile, had frozen. He held his hands out towards him, palms open. "Come play with me so I can get my revenge," he asked, waving his fingers. "You'll see. Time gonna pass twice as fast if you're busy."

Naruto observed for a long time the hands stretched out towards him, inviting him to play. Torn between his obsessive thought of Kakashi and the desire to participate tore him in two, to the point of frantically sweeping his gaze from one to the other.

Patiently, Shikamaru waited for him to make a decision, although he continued to move his hands to encourage him to accept. He saw that the tail was swinging strangely. He could not translate what that meant at all and Kakashi was not there to explain it to him.

Nevertheless, Naruto finally made a decision. He moved, so he was in front of Shikamaru, and placed his palms against his. The shock of static electricity startled the other teenager, even though he had mentally prepared himself for this frustrating phenomenon. He wondered if Kakashi had gotten used to it or if it still bothered him just as much.

Shikamaru invited him to keep him busy, even if only for a few minutes, but Naruto could not break away from Kakashi; a slave to his obsession with him. Instead of being determined to win as usual, his sapphire eyes gazed at the horizon more than anything else, allowing Shikamaru to score points with ease. Shikamaru sighed and had to call out to Naruto when it was his turn.

However, knowing that Naruto was a bad loser, an idea sprouted in his mind.

"Oops. Looks like I'm gonna win soon," Shikamaru exaggerated while boasting. "I was expecting a bit of a challenge. You suck."

The effect was immediate.

Frowning, Naruto was quick to stare at him, visibly insulted. The blond was mad, and his angry tail was jostling in all directions. Low growls vibrated in his throat.

"What? I'm one point away from winning after all," he taunted, a grin on his lips.

Naruto ruffled a few hairs, and a flash of lightning escaped his body. Shikamaru stiffened as he continued to challenge him maliciously.

Unable to bring himself to let him win, Naruto managed to forget the precious human in his eyes and finally focused on the game. Kakashi had stopped moving around, and that helped him think of something else.

Naruto quickly caught on and left absolutely no chance to Shikamaru, who did not care about losing or winning. The only thing that mattered was to change his mind and therefore restore hope.

Naruto had to learn to let go of this emotional and unhealthy dependence on Kakashi.

- XxX -

Not far away, sitting on the edge of a surrounding roof, Kakashi was carefully observing his student's behaviour while reading one of his favourite books. He had noticed that Naruto was tracking him by smell, since his gaze was focused on him like a vulture. From this distance, the blond could not see him, but his sensitive nostrils could. Even though Naruto seemed to know where he was, he showed signs of obvious distress, and fear had pushed him to cling to Shikamaru; Naruto felt a little safe with him.

Ready to come back to save him too much stress, Kakashi held back. Shikamaru had finally managed to occupy him, enough to no longer let the devastating torments devour the blond. Kakashi smiled. Naruto stopped casting anxious glances in his direction.

When the two boys finished their game, from which Naruto emerged victorious, Naruto moved closer to Shikamaru and gently held onto the fabric of his sleeve. He was much less tense than earlier. He looked less often in the direction of the Copy Ninja, and could look away when the youngster spoke to him, thus listening in silence.

Kakashi saw that Naruto did not touch Shikamaru with his tail, even when there were people. Anguish was added, an anguish that he banished to a corner of his head to forget it. Despite the many minutes that passed, the blond did not get any more agitated. The notion of time crossed Kakashi's mind. Was Naruto just aware of it? If he thought like an animal, days and days in captivity with nothing to do, possible.

All in all, Kakashi did not want to take the risk and make him wait any longer.

He had promised to come back quickly, after all.

As the Copy Ninja moved, Naruto's attention was focused on him again; at that, his black tail wagged. Anxiety and excitement grew within him. The sapphire-eyed boy dissociated himself from the entire universe and only let Kakashi's unique scent invade him. He impatiently awaited his return. He was terrified that Kakashi would not return as promised. He was shaking like a house of cards about to collapse.

As soon as Kakashi was only a few metres away from him, Naruto quickly rush to him and throw himself into his arms. Smiling, he buried his face in Kakashi's chest and hugged him tightly. Of course, he was careful not to crush him. To accompany the indescribable joy that ran through his veins like a rush of adrenaline, he hummed abstract sounds.

In order to positively reinforce the wait Naruto had to go through, Kakashi ruffled his hair while returning the hug with just as much intensity. "Well done, Naruto," he congratulated, smiling. "You see. Everything went well. I came back as promised. I'm proud of you."

Proud. That was all Naruto that wanted to hear.

That Kakashi was proud of him was a precious thing.

This pride therefore accentuated his enigmatic songs.