Chapter LXXIV
Doomed
TW: Self-Harm
Naruto finally agreed to rest … sort of. He never fell into a deep sleep, with which his body recovered the best. The only place he felt safe was the nest or Kakashi's arms. As a result, Naruto remained alert. When Sakura examined Kakashi at night, he was sleeping with one eye open; he stared at her during her visit. His vigilance did not weaken like his desire to protect Kakashi.
The room was starting to stink. Despite the blond's growing pestilential odour, another one just as strong had stung Sakura's nostrils. With disgust, she had discovered Naruto's taint in the corner of the room. Unfortunately, because of her comrade's very unstable psyche, she had to clean everything up. She could not argue with him; only Kakashi could do it anyway. Given the circumstances, she was patient so as not to end up on Naruto's blacklist. The next morning, Sakura tried to show him the bathroom … but Naruto ignored her, acting as if she did not exist. It frustrated the kunoichi sentenced to unpleasant chores.
Faithful to his post, Naruto remained at Kakashi's bedside, his gaze fixed eternally on him. He was content with numerous short daytime and nighttime naps. When he accepted to rest, no one came in to let him recover his strength; his venom was essential for Kakashi's survival. Slowly, dark circles began to appear under his eyes; fatigue was accumulating. All in all, he was asleep; that was all that mattered.
Despite her obligations as Hokage, Tsunade visited the Konoha Hospital once or twice a day. She hoped to come across a Kakashi who had regained consciousness… Unfortunately, it never happened. He was poisoned before anyone could speak to him. She wanted to unravel the mysteries of the mark on his neck as soon as possible; at that, she wanted to obtain his testimony regarding the attempted kidnapping. Kakashi had probably collected valuable data that could discover the identity or origin of this group. However, she had to be patient. Until his life was out of danger, his report would wait.
Kakashi was getting better every day. He was no longer on life support. The disconnection had plunged the blond into panic, although an immense joy quickly took all place. He waited for the IVs and electrodes to be removed in turn; his eyes plastered on them, and his wagging tail betrayed his hopes. He was disappointed to see the IVs and all the wires still linked to Kakashi.
Even if Kakashi's care was a priority, Naruto was not forgotten. Sakura brought him glasses of water or tea, which he gulped down before asking for another. She inspected and treated his wounds once a day. Fortunately, Naruto was much more docile since Kakashi had been disconnected from life support. As he let Sakura work, complying with her every request, he held Kakashi's wrist with his tail.
Scratches gradually appeared on his body, especially on his arms. These wounds which increased in number were a bad omen; Naruto mutilated himself several times a day. Furthermore, he refused to let Sakura treat the scratches, as if the blond was holding on to the pain, with which he was protecting himself from a much more serious one. He was in pain, and no one could help him.
The more days passed, the more feral scratches marked the room. Obviously, Naruto was clawing and attacking walls, furniture, and even tiles. The quantity was worrying; it was beyond comprehension. They wondered if stress and anxiety were to blame. This was another way Naruto was holding on. Otherwise, it would have been a long time that Kakashi would have found himself on the street due to the devastation caused by the sapphire-eyed boy.
To add to the growing concern, after three days, Sakura had noticed that the burns on Naruto's skin were healing agonizingly slowly, if at all. The scratches he inflicted on himself suffered the same phenomenon. Hungry and exhausted, Naruto was reaching his limits much sooner than expected. The bite marks on Kakashi's arms were numerous; he was bitten several times a day. He could not feed Naruto. Even if his condition had stabilized and no longer threatened his life, having the precious reserves he had recovered siphoned off would gamble his life on a fatal dice throw. The risks of losing him for good were too great to give a single drop of chakra.
The possibility that Naruto would stop producing his venom tortured people's minds. The medical-nin had to find a solution, invent a medicine that could make Kakashi sleep. Research had been launched. Unfortunately, his resistance to drugs and medications of all kinds made this almost impossible. All laboratory tests were inconclusive; bitter failures since the white blood cells had skillfully fought off all remedies with flying colours. They could not give up. They worked hard to save Kakashi's life, but also Naruto's…
Their time was running out…
But sadly, they found no solution…
- XxX -
I gradually regain consciousness. Apart from my arms being sore and full of holes, I feel good. Ever since Naruto bewitched me with his chakra devourer powers, I've neither suffered nor desired to die. His genjutsu is still effective, and it tickles my curiosity. I wonder if his spell can last over a long period of time, persist as long as it's not broken. His eyes are formidable weapons despite the risks involved.
That said, I will have to get rid of it at one point or another. The pain is an indicator of my health and recovery. Since I'm no longer on life support, I no longer have any way of knowing if I'm getting better or not. For now, I don't care. His genjutsu is a painkiller that I desperately need. I refuse to part with its comfort. Besides, I don't intend to nullify the efforts of Naruto, who temporarily gave up his sight for me.
If it weren't for my troublesome eating disorder, the idea of a good meal would be on my mind. I don't miss food at all, and hunger is as absent as my chakra. For once, I don't mind being connected to all kinds of solutions that hydrate me and give me essential nutrients for my body. However, I'm sincerely afraid of having a craving… Paralyzed and unable to satisfy this screaming urge to fill my too often empty stomach, I'm going to have a very, very bad time…
I can't wait to move again. The feeling of being trapped in the flesh made of stone is horrible, much worse than being tied up; I can't do anything to free myself from my ordeal. I want to regain the use of my arms, especially my hands. I'm dying to scratch something hard that I plan to scratch and scratch until the unbearable itch in my fingertips is gone.
I open my eyes. I'm greeted by Naruto's gentle caresses on my hair. It's still daytime; the brightness of the room has not diminished since his last bite. My mind isn't at all numb; my brain doesn't work in slow motion, although it doesn't work at full speed.
A fragment of my memory resurfaces. I was … dreaming before being pulled out of dreamland; I also forgot the dream in question. Cold sweat breaks out on my temple, and worry consumes me entirely. It can only mean one thing: Naruto is starting to run out of venom.
I turn my head to observe my student. He smiles, but he's worried. His eyes are still darkened, and the wounds he inflicts on his arms haven't healed. I don't like that he mutilates himself. However, I know he does it because it's his only escape. Hunger tortures him relentlessly, mercilessly. Even if I ask him to stop, he will continue. He will attack parts of his body invisible to my eyes, because he doesn't want to worry me. It's why I remain silent regarding his destructive behaviour. It's also the only way I have to indirectly know about the state of his psyche. Otherwise, I couldn't know that the wounds are increasing in intensity and number… I just hope it's only his arms.
Again and again, Naruto licks my now anesthetized and frozen forehead. I let out a whine. No matter how much I ask him to stop, he starts again absolutely every time, and I can't stop him. I'm completely paralyzed. So he can do whatever he wants with me. At least, apart from the unpleasant licking, he doesn't do anything inappropriate with my defenceless body…
I implore the heavens that the demonic Naruto within him doesn't wake up and finish what he started, finish his sexual assault on me.
I think this full moon night traumatized me a little…
I'm plagued by anguish. I'm afraid Naruto is really out of venom. Unfortunately, I'm convinced that he's dry, or will soon be. His wounds no longer heal. He bites me several times a day. I could surf the river of dreams. I'm far from having recovered enough chakra; I don't have a drop to give him. If I feed him now, I will find myself in the same state as when I was admitted to the hospital if it is not death that takes me. I'm doomed if Naruto can't poison me again…
The grief of losing me will be too great for him, and I'm really afraid that he will die shortly after me, heartbroken…
That I'm to blame for his death… An indescribable pain pierces me, sows a terrible evil in my soul, corrupts me with darkness, nourishes a feeling of disgust for my own person…
"Naruto. I have to sleep. Can you bite me?"
Naruto fiercely avoids my gaze and curls up into a ball, still holding my hand. He's indeed dry… Unable to fall asleep on its own, my body will waste away. I will lose the meagre strength I've recovered. Given my troublesome resistance to the drugs I've developed, only his venom works on me. If I don't find a solution, I'm doomed—rather, we're both doomed…
- XxX -
Since I can't do anything to occupy myself, I get lost in thought while looking at the blue sky. I asked Naruto to half-open the curtains—something that dazzled me for a breath; the bright light stung my retina, but the discomfort didn't last. If it wasn't for boredom overtaking me, I'd have stayed in darkness.
My student continues to tenderly stroke my hair. It's not unpleasant; his caresses allow me to forget the abuse on my arms. I'm dizzy by a torrent of questions and "what ifs?" Everything makes me anxious. There is my potential death sentence if I'm no longer poisoned; the attempted kidnapping; this group, their intentions; the incident reports; this mark on my neck… My head hurts from thinking, although I can't do anything else.
I hear the sound of heels approaching my room. When the door opens, I turn my head, and I'm quickly imitated by Naruto. To my relief, I recognized Lady Tsunade. Since I lost track of time, I don't know how many days have passed since my hospitalization. The room is constantly dark, and my short waking periods of varying length haven't helped.
"Lord Hokage."
"How are you, Kakashi?" she asks, frowning.
"If I forget my poor mangled arms, I'm good… Maa, I think…"
"What do you mean 'I think'?"
"I'm under a genjutsu," I reveal. "Naruto bewitched me to make my pain disappear."
Lady Tsunade's face darkens. She examines me and takes my vital systems. As soon as she touches me, I feel that Naruto gets angry. His tail slaps loudly against the tiles, and his thumb strokes my hand frantically. Out of the corner of my eye, I see him staring at her and hissing. He mustn't like her touching me… Maa, that's the only explanation I can think of. As long as he doesn't sabotage my care, I don't care.
After examining me on every possible aspect, the Hokage places her palm on my forehead, uses her medical ninjutsu. She stares at my right eye, opening my eyelids. She seeks to unravel the mysteries of this illusion.
"I see. He didn't go easy. It's the first time I've seen such a powerful genjutsu," she worries. "I don't even know if I can free you from it as easily as last time."
Her words put me on edge a little. However, I remain calm. Naruto is surely capable of breaking it since he's the master of his technique. Also… If I think back to the hell in which I was… I really don't want to let go of it just yet, especially since I can't be knocked out by his sleeping poison.
"You still have a fever. Kakashi, you can't stay under it. Pain is crucial to know the progress of your healing."
"Alas … but I'd like to be under its effects for a while longer. It's the only painkiller that works…" Lady Tsunade glares at me. "Please, Lord Hokage," I beg desperately.
A silence.
"Very well," she concedes to my greatest joy. Her gaze focuses on my arms, brutalized by my student's fangs. "Since you're awake… Does that mean he's reached his limits?"
"Naruto can't no longer make me sleep," I confirm darkly. "Can you summon Shikamaru?"
"It's useless, Kakashi. Naruto flatly refused several times."
"I guess, but we have no other choice. I have to convince him somehow. I know that I'm doomed if he persists in fasting…" I pause briefly. Meanwhile, Naruto curls up on his stool; his head is low. "You can't find a solution either. In other words, we wouldn't have this discussion right now."
Another silence settles in.
Based on her facial features, I hit the nail on the head.
"Indeed," she sighs, crossing her arms. "Your blood withstood all our tests, with great ease. If you can't convince him… You're not the only one we're going to lose in this whole story…"
A cold sweat slides down my forehead. My life and Naruto's life depend on each other; the thread of destiny is intertwined in our fingers, and if it breaks, our future like our lives is no more. We hold hands to stay balanced on this board, on which our feet rest. It's holding on an unstable and too sharp peak. If one of us lets go of the other, we will fall into the pit of doom that waits impatiently to swallow us up in its darkness. In this fall, the thread of destiny will break.
How could things have evolved to this point for Naruto to give up on living if my life ends? Never mind. I'm solely to blame for this situation, which is hanging by a thread, and this thin thread will soon give way…
Because of me, I will have Naruto's blood on my hands…