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Chapter 1 - Pre-Dungeon
A beam of light from a crack in the blinders struck Red unerringly in his eyes, causing him to wake up in a panic. With how Red's apartment is near the top of the apartment block, the only way for the light of the sun to be so intense that it could pass his window blinders would be if it was already high in the sky.
Which means that he is late for work. Very late at that.
"Gah! Fucking hell, what time is it?" Kicking off the cover from his body, he looked at the wall in front of him.
Strangely enough, he couldn't find the wall clock placed in front of the bed so that he didn't have to waste time looking for his phone to check the time when he woke up. That was the plan at least, but with the wall clock disturbingly missing, did he get robbed, or did the batteries run out, and he forgot to put the clock back up? Red had to reach for his phone in the nightstand to check for the time,
Only to find nothing, reaching for the nightstand beside his bed, the place where he usually placed his phone as he charged it, he found nothing.
"Wait, what?" Panicking a little bit right now, since his phone is basically his lifeline, especially since he'll probably need to concoct some kind of reason to give his manager as to why he's late. Red started searching the for some reason, unfamiliar bed, since he probably had read some little ditty until late last night which was probably the reason why he woke up so late, so his phone must be somewhere around here. Falling to the bed as he fell asleep.
Only finding some more strangeness instead.
Is his duvet always this heavy and soft? And his single bed this large and actually have some bedding?
In fact, all the furniture in the room he's in was nothing like the cheap IKEA crap he had, it looked like sturdy actual wood rather than the pressed wood shavings made into building materials by copious amounts of glue that he had before.
And is his nose not functioning, or is he actually smelling some very appetite whetting food rather than the smell of the garbage dump that your apartment actually is?
Really, he would be thinking of moving if not for the fact that he was saving to buy a house for that bright future where Red finally could get married… Which would probably not happen since he's living in a pigsty that no woman would want to ever visit.
He should stop denying reality now, that wouldn't be healthy.
~Red? Is something wrong?~
"Nothing, Astraea, just woke up on the wrong side of the bed." Replying to his new goddess slash wife, how would that work he has no idea, does he actually get married in a church? Or do they just register to some kind of government apparatus their new status?
Red remembered reading in some historical books where marriages in the Middle Ages are officiated by the highest officials in a village or town, when a priest is not available… Well, having no idea about, Red decided to just let Astraea take the lead here.
"Oh, and on what side is that?" Seeing his Goddess in the light of day, Red could see that she was just as beautiful as when he first saw her, that he couldn't help himself when his mouth moved on its own.
"The one without you, of course." Red was never this smooth before, is this what it means to be popular? He haven't even lost his virginity yer, and he's already speaking like a fuckboy… Which would probably never happen now, since Red remembered that Astraea was supposed to be a virginal goddess.
RPGs being his bread and butter, stuff about mythologies made him thank his lucky stars that he ended up with someone like Astraea instead. He shudder to imagine what would happen if Lina had pointed him the way of some of the more odious gods.
At the very least, he could enjoy the cute reactions?
"Mou, Red, why are you teasing me so early in the morning? Wash your face and eat some breakfast, there's till some spare toiletries in the bathroom I think? We have to go to the Guild early to finalize your registration, remember?"
'Then it's alright if I do it at night?' Is the response that Red wanted to give, but of course he didn't since he's not actually that smooth… Which, judging by the way that Astraea had lit up bright red to her ears, embarrassed, is actually not quite true.
'Ah, crap, did I say that out loud?'
He really should probably reign in his habit of just blurting out whatever came to his mind before it lands him into a lot of trouble. Red thought that he had gotten a handle of it, since yesterday he had have managed not to say to Lina that he wanted to say, that he wanted to see if her hair is as soft as it looked.
Well, enough wasting daylight, getting out of bed, which when he realized that he's still wearing yesterday's clothes, he made his way to the ensuite bathroom to get ready for the day.
Splashing some water from the bucket of cold water since there was no faucet or anything like that, he looked at his reflection from the mirror, which is more burnished bronze than the reflective glass he are more used to.
Hmm, he looked normal? He was expecting some kind of change really, since that's what happen after such life-defining events, right?
Sadly, he still looked like the barely high-school aged child that he definitely isn't.
"Actually, wouldn't a large piece of reflective bronze be even more expensive back home? I could imagine some Etsy page selling one of these for thousands of bucks."
Idle thoughts about the value of stuff through the ages quickly forgotten, he tried his best to brush his teeth using of the weird brushes he had found in one of the cabinets, since he's pretty sure the one placed in the cup by the sink is Astraea's. Using some minty paste placed inside of the container he had found next to the brushes, Red enjoyed the minty and fresh feeling of cleanly brushed teeth.
He was just surprised to see that his gums weren't just bleeding all over the sink.
It was quite the harrowing experience, needing some finesse to even just brushing teeth since the brush was so coarse and hard. Red could feel his enamel being peeled off with each pass of the brush, never mind the amount of pain it caused your gums. There would be no hurrying here, unless you want bleeding gums or worse, never mind the fact that the paste wasn't exactly what Red would call smooth either, it was, in fact, quite gritty. At moments, it almost felt like he was sanding his teeth down.
A few minutes of uncomfortableness later, and he'd had finished brushing his teeth, rinsing his mouth by using one of the cups and the water in the bucket. Spitting the resulting foamy water into the sink, he was quite surprised by what he saw.
"Huh, no blood?" With how much that had hurt, Red was expecting some blood from the abrasions alone, at least.
"Ah, right, there was supposed to be something like that?" Remembering a half-remembered conversation he had had with Astraea last night, after the blessing he was supposed to have his physical capabilities boosted, even without a single monster killed.
So it seems that the durability of his teeth and gums has increased as well? What a weird way to find that fact out, and an even weirder facet of secondary powers.
He supposed it makes sense, if he were going to have his jaw's biting power be increased, then it would make sense if everything inside his mouth would also be strengthened.
"Wait, does that include the tongue as well? How am I supposed to test that out, though?"
~Red, are you done? You need to hurry up!~
Further testing of his newfound durability forgotten, Red quickly headed out of the bathroom and joined Astraea on the dining table.
—-
After Red finished his breakfast of leftover stew and bread, Astraea promising that she would buy some more varied groceries so that he wouldn't take her for being incapable of cooking. Strangely, his reassurance that he'd eaten worse didn't actually make her feel better, as Astraea seemed to be sulking as the pair made their way towards the Pantheon, the guild HQ.
Walking down the streets of Orario with Red's Goddess holding onto one of his arm, he prayed to any god that would listen that his hand doesn't just start sweating.
Though, with the amount of Gods that would probably curse him to death for snatching their prize, as Astraea told Red about how the male Gods, and some goddess, take her as. He might actually find some more success praying to the other Virgin Goddesses.
Well there's only one other possibility in that case, since he was not a Hunter, and isn't particularly wise either.
'So, Goddess Hestia, please bless this supplicant so that I don't do something stupid!'
Hestia was supposed to be a goddess of the hearth and also family, so she should be able to help him in this matter. At least, Red hoped that it would be so.
~Eh, is someone actually praying to me?~
A voice brushed away by the wind was heard, as Astraea pointed out one of the shops that she had found to sell some cheap but quality goods. Passing by a shop with a sign of thread and needles, which Red took to mean that it's a clothes shop of some kind, a thought appeared in his head.
"Ah, right, I don't have any spare clothes."
With the cool and temperate climate, and since he'd arrived in Orario quite late yesterday, and probably thanks to the cleaning magic from the Adventurer yesterday, he smelled alright. Something that would change drastically when he inevitably get something noxious splashed on him, being an Adventurer and all.
Well, future Adventurer since he hadn't registered yet.
If nothing else, the perspiration alone would make the small apartment Red shared with Astraea stuffy and smelly in short order. At the very least, Red didn't want to smell badly whenever he is together with his Goddess.
"Ehm, while I'm not exactly tight on money right now, I haven't found a job yet… Maybe I should sell that statue to Hephy and let her melt it down to sell as just golden bars?" Astraea started fidgeting embarassedly by his side, probably having missed that detail as well, or just embarrassed by the fact she couldn't provide for Red's livelihood.
'What, am I some kind of kept man!? Quick reassure your new wife that you would be earning loads soon, you only have been married for one day and you're already facing finance problems? On your dead body!'
Which, seeing that his new job would probably be about risking his life, that prospect seems more likely than not…
"No need to worry, Astraea! I'll make sure to earn lots of Valis soon!"
"Hehehe, as much as I liked to hear that, there's no need to take unneeded risks, okay? We didn't even have our honeymoon yet, so don't go and get yourself killed, this Goddess has no desire to become a widow yet."
Laughing daintily at his side, Astraea's words were like a cannonball to his psyche, causing Red's consciousness to fly away to the heavens. A honeymoon, huh? Does that mean that he would score just by making sure that he kept his life, something that he were already planning to do as a matter of course?
He had no wish of dying as a virgin after all!
"Of course, my Goddess!" Pumping his fist as Red's excitement got away from himself, Astraea simply laughed, the atmosphere turning quite pink as the other passersby tried their best to be as far away as possible, eager not to earn second-hand embarrassment.
Before Red knew it, the two of them have arrived in the Guild building.
—
"Huh, I was expecting more people to be honest." Entering the spacious lobby, Red was surprised to find that the guild hall was a lot emptier than yesterday, with most of the people on the exchange counters, looking sleepy more than anything.
"Well, of course, Red, the early risers are either in the Dungeon already, or still just starting their morning routine. The only people that would visit the Pantheon this early is either the Adventurers that got back from the Dungeon at night, and would exchange their monster core and drops in the morning. Though they would probably sleep in and just exchange it in the afternoon. Or newbie Adventurers like you who needed to register."
Nodding since that actually makes sense, Red started looking at the empty hall with not even one Adventurer in sight, nor even a god or goddesses.
"The registration is supposed to be private, Red." Seeing his confusion, his Goddess decided to clarify.
Ah, that makes sense. As Red's Goddess started looking are the receptionists for he to complete his registration with, Red spotted a sleepy Lina just sleeping at her desk. The other receptionists were giving her some evil side eyes as they completed some kind of paperwork.
Lina's own work, just laying right beside her, completely abandoned, seemingly untouched.
Perhaps it was because Red was happy to see a familiar face, or perhaps it was because her sleeping face just makes him want to bully her, but it was towards her desk that he led his Goddess towards. Red was eager to cut her nap short.
Moving the desk bell right next to her ears, Red looked towards the other receptionists to see them nodding evilly at him as they closed their own ears. Looking at his Goddess, to see if she disapproved, Red saw that she was just chuckling at the harmless prank he was about to play.
And so, with his full power, Red pushed down on the metallic desk bell, making a nice, loud, clear sound right beside Lina's ears.
RING!
"Ahh! I'm awake! I'm awake! Please don't dock my pay!" Snapping his hand away, as Lina hurried grabbed one of the papers, she quickly started writing in her report of some kind.
Almost immediately the rest of the receptionists, and even his Goddess broke out laughing, and Lina finally realized that she was just pranked, and that her supervisor hadn't just walked on her sleeping on the job.
She quickly spotted Red standing in front of her, trying to hold on to his laughter, as also the one responsible for waking her up so abruptly.
"Mou, Red! Is this the thanks I get for… Hah!? Goddess Astraea?" Before she could get full steam in complaining to him, Lina finally spotted the still lightly chuckling Astraea behind Red, as she quickly went upright, and tried to smooth out any wrinkle in her guild uniform.
"How can I help you!" Geez, tone it down a notch, Lina, it's not like my Goddess is going to eat you, you know? Though I suppose I'm the strange one for treating a Goddess so casually?
"Hehe, no need to be so stiff, I'm not going to treat someone that had helped Red so much badly."
Seeing Lina snapping her attention to him, Red just gave her a thumbs up, good deeds should earn a good recommendation, at least in his opinion. Seeing that the sheep demihuman had calmed down somewhat, Astraea finally spoke of the reason why the two of them were here in the first place.
Though, it should be pretty obvious to Lina, since she was the one that had pointed Red Astraea's way.
"We're here to officially register the creation of my Familia, alongside its first member."
"I see, congratulations Red… Uhm, if you would please follow me so that we can finish the registration?"
Leading the two of them to one of the side rooms, a different one from the one Red had 'visited' yesterday, this one seemingly more well furnished, probably since it's supposed to receive Gods and Goddesses alike. Red had some inkling of a premonition as to why Astraea wanted to register so early in the morning when he saw the thick pile of papers that Lina had brought along into the room.
And Red was right, it was bundles and bundles of legalese that he and his Goddess had to read and sign. And since being the first member of the Familia, Red are by de facto was the captain, he also had to sit in on the boring minutae.
Taxes, bylaws, and even some ironclad no-liability disclaimer about any injuries or deaths suffered in the Dungeon. Another about the non-interfering nature of the Guild where they would not support any side of a Familia's conflict, letting the conflicting Familias resolve their own problems, as long as it doesn't damage Orario.
There's even a no compete clause!? Where the Familia is restricted from the selling and buying of Monster Cores except from the Guild, but luckily nothing about monster Drops.
Did a god of law write these?
Finally, after what felt like an eternity it is done, Red could literally feel himself aging after that.
"Okay, everything should be in order, now?" Thumping the thick documents that now bear the signature of both him and his Goddess on the table, Lina tied the thick pile in some twine to make sure that no loose sheaf of paper could be lost. That would just be a disaster.
"Let me be the first to congratulate the formation of the Astraea Familia, may your future success be as eternal as the stars in the sky… Geh, that's so embarrassing." As Lina clapped politely, with Red joining in reluctantly, the only thing Lina managed to do was embarrass herself and himself. At least his Goddess finds the whole thing funny, so there's that?
"Ah, right before I let you go, Red, the Guild offers two services, an Advisor and a loan of a weapon and light armor. Would you like to take advantage of that services?"
Before he could even open his mouth, Red was beaten to the punch by his Goddess.
"Yes, he would be, of course."
"Alright, then lady Astraea… uh, where's the list of available advisors…" Searching through yet another pile of papers, Red could feel the palpable annoyance of a mismanaged filing system as Lina read through paper after paper and not finding what she want. And so, being the gallant knight that he is, he decided to cut through this Gordian Knot.
"How about you, Lina, are you available?"
Red enjoyed her look of surprise, before she nodded slowly, still shocked by the question as Goddess Astraea congratulated her on the occasion, to Lina's immediately reddening, embarrassed face.
Before long, Red was quickly led to one of the side rooms that was apparently the Guild's armory? To pick up his loaned weapon and armor. The two of you left Astraea behind, as apparently there are still some documents that needed to be signed that are for the gods' eyes only.
Well, Red is definitely glad to no longer having to look at more paperwork at least, and instead be looking at weapons and armors. A true man's romance… or a child giddy eight-grade syndrome rearing its ugly head.
Arriving at the armory, it was quite the letdown to say the least, each of the weapon looked more like a second-hand weapon than the pristine weapons that Red was expecting. They're not rusty, at least? Or worse, made out of wood, as all RPG protagonists seems to start their journey with.
With Lina declaring that this is all of them, Red tried his best to pick the most usable ones, at least.
—-
Holding one of the swords in his hands, even as a layman as he is, Red could easily tell one thing about the sword in question.
"This thing is junk!" Never in his life, literally, have he ever held a bladed weapon that seems to be more of a danger to himself than whoever or whatever it is on the other side of a blade's sharpened edge. Red has held Swiss army knives whose blade is a lot more dangerous than the junk inside the guild warehouse.
And those Swiss army knives are barely three inches long and dull besides!
Actually… Testing the edge of the blade with the tip of his finger, Red had to put in considerable force to even cause a paper thin cut to appear.
"Lina! What the hell, this is blunt as fuck!? How am I supposed to kill a chicken, let alone the goblins with this!" Complaining to his new guild advisor as blade after blade turn out to be less useful than junk, Lina could only look sideways in embarrassment.
"Well, you see, the Blacksmithing Familias haven't welcomed any new members in a while, and that has been the source of the weaponry the guild stockpiles. We buy them to allow the newbies some early cash to buy materials so that they can practice their craft more. No newbies, no new weapons, so the stuff here has mostly dulled. The guild at least cleaned the rust off?"
Fucking beautiful, is that why all the weapons are swords? Philistines and idiots alike, not understanding why a club or daggers should be the first thing they practice with?
"Lina, calling these things 'weapons', in fact, calling these unbalanced, unsharpened sticks swords are an insult. I might as well just use them as shitty clubs!"
Seeing the guilty look on Lina's face, Red quickly cooled down emotion, it's not like shouting at her would make the pickings better. And it's not her fault in the first place, it's just that hearing that he would be fighting goblins as his first enemies on the first floor had triggered some very bad memories for him.
Luckily, after grilling Lina for hours about the goblins in this world, though of course he did not word it that way, specifying the Dungeon instead as there are actually surface goblins out there., these aren't the rape goblins that are becoming very popular in fiction back home. Luckily, he isn't going to encounter a goblin having its way with an Adventurer who underestimated them.
No, these Goblins are just going to kill him instead, which is a cold comfort. Red doesn't think that his heart would survive seeing a real-life goblin raping a beauty.
But hell, rape goblins or not, being warned repeatedly that the diminutive little bastards could kill an unprepared Adventurer easily, makes the prospect of having to wield these dull blades very untenable.
He was about to just bite the bullet and pick the swords that at least have some heft to them so that he could at least use them as semi-serviceable billy clubs. Maybe even ask the goblins he is about to kill if they have their 'loicense', it would be worth a laugh or two at least… When Red spotted it.
"Hey, Lina, you did say that I could pick any weapon inside this room, right?"
"Yes? Did you find a sword to your liking?"
Hidden behind the door to the armory, he spotted the best weapon he had seen in this whole 'armory'. Lifting the 5-Foot-long stick, testing the weight and heft, even swinging it, it seems to made of hickory? Red tried swinging it a few times some more and were satisfied by the feeling of robustness and heft as the end of the stick cut through the air, creating a satisfying gust of wind.
Well, okay, it was more of a staff than a stick, but calling it a stick sounds more fun.
Imagining a Goblin's head being hit by the stick, Red could easily visualize the stick causing some real damage. Red had done Watermelon smashing before, and the image of a goblin's head exploding into red viscera was very satisfying.
"This, yeah, this one would do." Showing it off to Lina, she was quite surprised, but happy that Red had found a weapon that is suitable to him.
~Did someone bring their laundry pole to work?~
Red missed whatever it is that Lina was muttering behind him as he tried to fashion some harness for the stick so that his hands would stay unencumbered. It took a while to find a suitable configuration where the stick wouldn't drag on the ground or risk snagging on something, but Red made it work somewhat.
Which he had to do all over again as he put on the thin metal chest piece that the guild consider armor. Somehow.
It's something at least? It's so flimsy that he's afraid that using just his bare hands he could probably bend it… It's like wearing tin can armor.
But beggars are not choosers.
Armed and armored, Red quickly agreed and signed the loan procedure for the equipment, signing his name on the document, that his Familia would take on the burden of repaying the debt should he perish in the Dungeon.
Red tried his best not to ask about the frequency of the debt being re-called, since that would probably jinx him. But judging by the fact that Lina couldn't look at him in the eyes, as he signed on the loan, Red could easily imagine that the answer to that question would be, many.
Red have no idea how much money is 6600 Valis, but since the Monster Core of a Goblin and Kobolds found on the first floor could fetch 100 Valis a piece. Additionally, their drop item, the Goblin Fang and Kobold Nail could net him 500 Valis a piece, it shouldn't take him long to repay the debt.
Right as he was about to leave the Guild though, after a kiss goodbye from Astraea, and right on the lips! He was stopped by Lina.
"Yes? Did I forget something?" Giddy as he was from getting his first kiss, ones from his own sisters and other dudes doesn't count! Red was almost leaping out of his shoes in excitement over his first Dungeon delving.
"Here! Take it as a good luck charm, and you need something to dig up the Monster Cores! You better come back alive, okay? I'm not going to be the one to deliver the sad news to Lady Astraea that your dumb ass had died in the Dungeon!"
Handing over a blade with a leather sheathe, Red unsheathed it to find an 8 and a half inch dagger, and he didn't need to test the edge of this one to see if it's actually sharp.
"Thank you, Lina!" Sheathing the blade once again, and looping it around his pants, Red gave Lina a tight hug.
"Lemme go! Don't think that you're special or anything, alright!? You're just the first Adventurer I'm advising, it would look bad on me if you died so soon!" Ignoring the Tsundere words and just looking at the worry beneath the brashness, Red once again affirmed his determination not to die.
Not that he was planning on dying in the first place, mind you, but the thought still counts for something.
"Wish me luck, Lina!"
~That, and I have no idea what to write on the report if he actually just carried a laundry pole as the Guild's weapon loan… Hahhh, that dagger is so going to cut my sweets budget…~
As Red traveled to the looming tower at the center of Orario, he offered another prayer wishing for success from Hestia. Red would be praying to Astraea, but that would probably be pretty weird.
'Lady Hestia, please watch over me as I start my Adventure!'
~Seriously another one? Why is there anyone praying for success from me? Is this Flat-ki's pranking me again!? I'm going to give her a noogie once I descend if that's the case!~
A/N : Tried editing it to make it no longer in second person view, comment if you like this format more.
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