And there's Gabriel.

"It's not true!" aAziraphale almost shouts. "I mean. Gabriel!"

Gabriel blinks a bit, unsure of what to do, and gestures for Aziraphale to either lower the window or open the door and get out of the car.

Aziraphale still has Crowley draped over him a bit, but he almost tosses him to the other side and gets out.

"Gabriel!"

Gabriel raises an eyebrow but quickly recovers and smiles, extending his hand.

"Aziraphale! Good job, my boy."

"It wasn't simple..." he assures, taking it with a bit of trembling, the Archangel grips it and pats him on the back.

"We've been informed of what you've done, and I came as soon as possible."

"Who informed you?"

"Heaven is always present..." he shrugs a bit.

Aziraphale fidgets.

"Very good job, as always. Now help me carry the body to Heaven so we can destroy it."

"To Heaven?" he looks at him with his mouth quite open for a second.

"We have to completely destroy it to prevent it from returning after an exorcism. Frankly, we didn't think it would succumb to something so simple."

"It wasn't simple!"

Gabriel gives a condescending smile.

"Most demons would have fled before the exorcism was complete."

"It's been the most..." Aziraphale bites his lip, looking angry. He tries to smile a bit. "Unpleasant task."

The Archangel glances at him and smiles wryly.

"Well, don't worry. We'll take care of the rest."

"What... what do you mean by the rest?" Aziraphale asks a bit frightened. Gabriel takes a breath and then lets it out.

"Although it was very brave of you to do all this, obviously the process isn't over yet, but there's no need to make you suffer more than necessary," Gabriel says, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"Just curiosity... academic," Aziraphale smiles a bit falsely, suddenly terrified for Crowley.

"Well, then... you can leave now," he pats his back and smiles falsely.

"No, but it's important to know what you'll do with him in case of having another assignment like this. I hope not to have one; killing someone is a bit un-angelic... isn't it?" he smiles without leaving, clasping his hands.

"Do you want... to be present during the process?"

"I want to know the process."

"Well, we have to... seal the body and then destroy it."

"S-Seal it how?"

"Seal it so it can't return to this or any other body. You know demons can possess other bodies, right?"

"Oh, yes, yes, I've heard something. And how do we do that?"

"It's not something from our department," he wrinkles his nose and makes a vague disinterested gesture.

"Ohh... I see, I see. But if there's a way. That's very good to know," he nods. "And how do they destroy the body? Or not..."

"I think with fire," he looks for his phone to call someone to pick it up.

"Oh, but wait Gabriel... No, that's not the most... Don't you think we need evidence that...? well, you know..."

The Archangel looks at him with the phone to his ear.

"Wait, wait, before... who are you trying to talk to?" Aziraphale asks in panic.

"They're coming to pick him up, and... Hello! Yes, I need someone from your department here... Yes, of course, it's urgent," he pauses and laughs at something.

Aziraphale crouches a bit to see Crowley. For God's sake, if he was going to come back, he had to do it NOW. But there he lies, inert...

"Damn it... hurry!" Aziraphale mutters, looking at Gabriel and sincerely hoping that they were telling him the absurd joke of the day for a while longer.

There are more strange sounds on the radio as Gabriel comments who knows what on the phone.

"If you don't hurry, they're going to come and SEAL the body, Crowley."

There are more complicated sounds, and... The angels Gabriel has summoned with a bolt appear.

"Damn it!"

Gabriel explains to the angels what has happened and what they need to do, pointing to the car and Aziraphale, explaining that he's the one who exorcised him.

"Um... well. There's something important you need to know about... the exorcism used..."

Everyone looks at him.

"Um... hello," he assures with his back against the car, nervous. "I'm Principality Aziraphale."

"We already know who you are, Aziraphale," Gabriel responds a bit exasperated.

"Yeah, well, you do, but they... I don't recall them. Were you there after the rain on Noah's Ark? I think so, right?" he asks, looking at one of them.

This one hesitates a bit, not knowing what to say, because they were told this was urgent to now be chitchatting.

"I'm pretty sure I argued the report with you."

"What are you getting at with this, Aziraphale?" Gabriel tries to cut him off.

"What? Me? Nowhere. Just drawing attention... what I was saying was that I think there's a phrase in the exorcism that, as I read... wait, wait, let me show you," he turns around. "I have it written down, and I think you might need to adjust the sealing process..."

Gabriel gestures to the three to proceed while Aziraphale searches.

"Wait, wait. This is important. It's in the car, probably..." he goes after them almost running. "I'm pretty sure what I have to say will interest you..."

"Find whatever you need to find and report it."

"But you need to know before taking him away. It'll be quick," he assures, now inside the car trying to "search" for the paper.

Well, don't freak out, but... we're not quite sure how this works, so... we're going to do it the most fun way. The good thing is it doesn't explode, but it might have a sudden orgasm.

What? Who?!

Aziraphale.

Orgasm, right? We didn't misread.

No, you didn't misread.

The ABSOLUTE MOAN from Aziraphale, who moreover... has never had one.

The other four hesitate for a moment with that.

He even arches his back a bit. Heavens. Heavens. The world just disappeared and reappeared for a moment. WTF.

"Aziraphale?"

"W-What just happened..." he's still hesitating when suddenly his voice changes a bit, and automatically it seems like the problem has passed already. "Yes, yes, alright. Um... everything... everything's fine, really. No... uh... don't worry," he responds, turning to look at Gabriel, who still blinks a bit.

Oh... heavens. Aziraphale hesitates because... He didn't say that. I mean, he did say it, but it wasn't... Oh my God. Ahem... so this is how it felt when Crowley possessed you? Cough cough cough. Why didn't we try this before?

Because I thought it might explode.

I think it did explode.

Can you focus, angel? There's still an emergency here!

Yeah, yeah, yeah... but it's just that you haven't felt everything he's felt.

Gabriel frowns a bit because Aziraphale now feels... weird.

"Seriously, Gabriel, everything's bloody tickety-boo, or whatever" he stops himself from saying bloody hell. "But I think you shouldn't take the body yet."

I've already told him! Aziraphale protests in his thoughts. Heavens, at least being here they can't seal you. I hope.

Gabriel's face, eyes rolling for patience.

I know you've told him, and I don't know if they can or can't, but I'd feel safer here. Crowley replies through Aziraphale's mouth, out loud, because he's feeling a bit dizzy.

Shhhh!

"Why... can't you?" Gabriel asks.

"Do you want to respond to him?" protests the demon inside his mind.

Ugh!

"I'm telling you... I read that if we move him too much after the exorcism, it can have consequences," Aziraphale asserts.

"Relax, we're professionals," Gabriel retorts.

"No, no, no... but this was a special exorcism. I... obtained it from..."

"From..."

"F-From infernal writings. That's why it worked."

"Yes, like all of them," Gabriel gestures for them to proceed.

"No, no. Writings that COME from hell. Wait!" they both shout almost simultaneously, Aziraphale and Crowley, hysterical. In a beautiful cacophony of two overlapping voices coming from the same throat.

Gabriel blinks.

What if you stopped time for a few seconds, dear? Aziraphale suggests in thought.

It wouldn't help for the body to recover, and anyway, you'd have to do it. Crowley replies inwardly.

I could possess your body, Crowley.

Gabriel approaches Aziraphale to look at him closely because something is happening to him.

If I can't enter, why do you think you could?

Well, you can't enter because of the exorcism... right?

Yes, but...

We need to say something convincing then! How much longer? You said twenty minutes, and it's been like ten hours!

Let me try something... and don't get hysterical.

How can I not get hysterical with Gabriel here trying to destroy you?!

"Gabriel..." Aziraphale looks at him very seriously. Gabriel frowns.

"Take him away," the Archangel replies and snaps his fingers because he's starting to get tired of Aziraphale holding him back.

So they take him away, and Aziraphale lets out a frustrated scream that I don't know how he manages to suppress the insult.

I'm going to... I'm going to try to possess your body, Crowley. That's it! Aziraphale exclaims in thought.

"Gabriel, let me say goodbye," Crowley's voice pleads through Aziraphale desperately. "You all know I'm in love with him. Allow me this."

Gabriel looks at him and pinches the bridge of his nose.

Uuuugh!

Shut up.

"You're on thin ice with this, Aziraphale. Don't think Michael hasn't told me about your conversation the other day."

"Yes, yes... alright, that's why, just let me have this," the angel insists. "I've already killed him, Gabriel, and it was the hardest thing! And I did it because I believe in you all and to show you that... I'm faithful to the cause!"

"Fine, fine, go up and ask for it."

"Thank you!"

Gabriel gestures with weariness for him to stop bothering him.

"Um... can I use your... way to go up, right?" Aziraphale smiles.

The archangel sighs a bit exasperated but eventually agrees, rolling his eyes.

There he goes.

They're going to feel you up there, Crowley.

I know that, this is an emergency. Try not to kiss too much ass while I'm here, angel.

You try to have nice thoughts about the kids, Crowley. Nothing stinky.

Sure, my evil thoughts are going to be the problem.

Well, they could be!

This is weird... Crowley makes Aziraphale raise a hand and run it through his hair.

It sure is. Although I prefer you to be here than not.

The demon makes him smile and play with his hair... and makes him sway his hips.

No! Don't walk like that! They'll notice!

Okay, okay, you do it.

The hips only work with you. Are you able to enter now? You'll have to attack me to escape.

I don't even know how I'm going to get out of here, this is bloody heaven...

If others have come, you can leave. Go out the way you came last time. Or... maybe in serpent form.

The thing is, last time I came out being you, not someone who everyone supposedly wants dead.

You could... put on something less conspicuous and leave incognito, dear.

Seriously? Is that your plan? Anyway... where are we going?

Here, to the reception, I suppose. Come on, we have to run before they decide to do something to you. Smile and be nice, alright?

Eye roll.

"Um... hello," Aziraphale greets the girl who's there.

And he winks at her.

She blushes too. Damn it, Crowley.

"I need... they just took up the body of the demon Crowley, and Gabriel has given me permission to see him alone for a few minutes."

"A... demon?" the reception angel asks, somewhat uninterested.

"Yes. I need to know where they've taken him."

"To hell?"

"No, they brought him up here, I saw it," he assures her. "I exorcised him; they were going to destroy him," he adds with another voice.

"Um... try "Immolation."Third floor."

I can't believe there's an Immolation Department in heaven. Crowley comments.

You couldn't possibly want to know all the horrendous places there are here. Aziraphale responds.

"Could you remind me where?"

She points it out.

"Thank you..." he rushes off. "This way," Aziraphale points with Crowley's voice as he feels where he is with his serpentine sense, once they reach a hallway full of doors.

And there goes Aziraphale, "running," slamming the door open.

Crowley is on a polished iron table that looks like an operating table, chained and surrounded by angels whose description could be... dressed in uniforms as if this were a human hospital, although obviously it's not at all what's happening.

"Ohh... um... hello," Aziraphale's nervous smile, and then he grits his teeth and inhales the air because... heavens, this iron is definitely here for... THIS.

"Hey, you! You can't be here."

"Gabriel has given me permission to... say goodbye to him alone," he blushes.

I don't think it's a good idea to be alone; if they all leave and I'm gone when they come back, there will be an obvious culprit. This has to look like my fault. Crowley reflects.

"We haven't been informed of anything."

"You can go ask him. In fact... you can stay here if you want. B-But... well... y-you know that I..."

The angel talking to him gestures to another to check, anyway. Aziraphale blushes again.

"Can I... approach?"

"It's dangerous, we're preparing the sealing ritual."

Aziraphale swallows at Crowley's command.

Aziraphale hates them. All of them. To the point of fearing that they'll notice.

"I'll be careful," he approaches anyway.

"What are you going to do?" the angel-surgeon asks.

Aziraphale blushes a bit because admitting this is definitely not his forte.

"I-I'm... g-gonna... I couldn't help it... I-I have some... a-affection for him..." he starts and then cuts himself off almost simultaneously with Crowley's voice speaking. "Shaking his hand because we've been colleagues in this profession for six thousand years... what do you think I'm gonna do?" he asks sarcastically.

Could you tone down the sarcasm? Aziraphale takes him by the hand, just like Crowley's body.

Could you hurry up a bit? I can't believe I have to be the one to do this. Crowley protests internally and then moves Aziraphale's body closer and plants a kiss on the inert body of the demon without hesitation. No time for anyone to interrupt them.

Heavens. Cr... piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.

The eyebrows of all the other angels would go to heaven if they weren't... ha-ha already there.

Aziraphale will swear for the rest of their lives that this is more Crowley than the... but the truth is, he's pretty much on top of him, closing his eyes.

Crowley's body still doesn't react because Crowley is entering it through the mouth. You'll know everything went well when he returns the kiss.

And if there's anything that everyone present is going to be able to feel, it's the absolutely absurd amounts of love oozing from Aziraphale for him. He even raises an arm and gently strokes his face, taking him by the neck.

Truth be told, Crowley is in the midst of a slightly exaggerated anxiety attack to really enjoy this fully, but it's also true that he can forget the world for a few seconds while returning the kiss.

Yeah, yeah. There'll be more you can enjoy. Aziraphale isn't fully enjoying it either, you know, but he still thinks everything could go wrong, and it might be the last time he can do it, so he's trying.

Sure, maybe there are fireworks somewhere.

In Soho perhaps.

Every other angel in the room thinks this is the WORST ABOMINATION since pineapple on pizza.

And Crowley couldn't care less about the iron chains, which are also burning him because they're specifically against infernal beings... but mostly it's because he CAN'T hug him like this.

Heavens... Aziraphale just doesn't want to let go. But they need to... get out of here. Really.

You have to disappear the chains yourself. Or... not.

So just before they separate, he's going to disappear the chains before solemnly muttering, with closed eyes...

"I'm sorry, Crowley..."

And the next thing that happens is Poof Crowley disappears.

Aziraphale lets out a SCREAM. Not that the other angels are any less confused.

"What happened?! Where is he?!" he takes a few steps back... and has to make an extra effort, given that the kiss left him dumbfounded, not to smile like a kid in a toy store. He puts on a tragic face and turns to the others. "What did you do to him?"

"We? What did you do to him?!" the first one to react yells.

"Me?! What could I have done?! It took a lot to kill him!" Aziraphale protests.

"You're the one who just kissed him!" THE DISGUSTED FACE.

"And since when does kissing a dead body make it disappear?!" Aziraphale responds, blushing TO DEATH.

"You must have done something!" one of the angels accuses, pointing at him.

"He couldn't have disappeared, anyway..." another one tries to stay calm.

"We have to find him! Gabriel is going to get... unyielding," a third one puts their hands on their face.

"Let's keep calm, he must be somewhere, it's not like he can just leave here with a miracle without authorization!" the one trying to stay calm responds.

"M-Maybe he... did it... THE demon. They've done it from hell," the one worried about Gabriel proposes.

"Can demons do that?" the first one asks, eyes widening, thinking maybe they could do it to them at any moment then.

"Gabriel is going to tear our wings off," one of them continues to whine.

"We need to talk to the miracle registry. They should be able to know what happened," the one in charge of authorizations insists.

Aziraphale raises his eyebrows at that for a moment.

"Don't be an idiot! If hell did this, there won't be any records!"

"He's a fearsome demon, Crowley!" Aziraphale warns the three of them.

"Gabriel is going to send us to hell..."

"Nobody said it was hell! I still believe it was him somehow!" one points at Aziraphale.

"I brought him here, don't be ridiculous! Why couldn't it have been him?!"

"The point is we need to find him!" they're panicking.

"Find him where?! He's gone! I'm going to have to hunt him down again! This is YOUR fault!" he points at them.

"Well... maybe he's dead already, on his own," the one who was super worried about Gabriel suggests.

"From a kiss?" Aziraphale asks.

"Or who knows what! Maybe it's part of another destruction ritual. Are there any precedents for what an angel's kiss does to a demon?"

"I-I don't know. Probably yes," Aziraphale is about to explode with embarrassment. "I have to go find him!"

None of those present know if there are precedents, honestly.

"We all have to go find him!"

"We have to inform Gabriel!"

"This is your fault for not securing him properly," Aziraphale insists.

"For heaven's sake! How else should we secure him?"

"Do you think it was easy bringing him here?! He's a terrible demon! He tried to kill me!"

The angels go round and round with their own concerns, not knowing how to deal with this.

"I'm going to have to go again. I'll put you down as responsible in my report. I'm leaving! Tell Gabriel I'll bring him back..." Aziraphale mutters, heading to the door.

No one's paying him much attention, to be honest; they're all hysterical.

He's going to leave.

Good call.

He walks out, wondering how Crowley might have left, but thinking he won't be able to communicate with him for several days.

First thing's to get out of here. Then... he doesn't know. Walk around London and wait for Gabriel to find him, which he'll surely do.

In PERSON.

Yes. Yes. He fears that. Sooner rather than later.

You have a little time until he finds out, but only a little time.

Alright. He'd love to call Crowley. Really. In fact... he's going to go to a park, any park, sit on a bench... and smile for five minutes straight with that kiss (although he still thinks it was of horror and absolute trauma) they shared.

Gabriel is coming down with Sandalphon, Michael, and Uriel, not because he's sorting out who knows what or maybe the four of them are going as if they were the four horsemen of the apocalypse.

Aziraphale is still in the park, sitting alone, waiting for them to come. Oh my god. He really tried.

"Aziraphale," Gabriel calls as they approach walking down the dirt path where his bench is. Aziraphale moistens his lips and sighs, turning to look at them.

"Hello..." he doesn't smile much this time.

"You must already know what happened..."

"I saw it with my own eyes."

"They claim you did it," Sandalphon insists.

"Gabriel, I KILLED him. And it was no easy feat. And I'll do it again."

"The guys insist he was perfectly immobilized," Uriel retorts.

"He was dead to me," Aziraphale defends himself.

"They said you... kissed him," Michael states.

"And then he disappeared," Uriel adds.

"He's a demon. He must have tricked me."

Gabriel blinks slowly.

"I allowed you to say goodbye to him, Aziraphale. But I'm starting to tire of these foolishnesses of yours."

"I thought I had it. Everything seemed so..." Aziraphale sighs. "I'm sorry. I really am sorry."

Uriel and Sandalphon look at each other, not entirely sure.

"I thought I could say goodbye... it's just that what they ask of me is hard."

"That's what you said last time, like the stupidest thing anyone could come up with," Uriel adds.

Aziraphale blushes at that because he hadn't... it had been Crowley! He clenches his eyes shut and seriously wants to both kill him and hug him at the same time.

"Maybe that was the way to kill him..."

"What way?" Sadalphon asks.

"I've been researching... because... well, actually, it's quite lucky that this worked as well as it did. I told Michael before that I feared an Exorcism wouldn't work. We need to find a weakness in... him. Maybe his weakness is something opposite to what a demon is."

"But the exorcism worked, didn't it?" Gabriel, could you be any denser?

"Isn't it obvious it didn't work? He escaped right in front of us and waited for the most... humiliating moment for me, Gabriel.

"Anyway, Aziraphale... we're not going to be waiting forever.

"Um... what exactly do you suggest?

"Aziraphale wants to try to make him fall in love. He's been trying for six thousand years..." Michael mocks, and Uriel laughs along.

"I don't want to try to... it's just an idea!"

"Aziraphale, enough of this nonsense, end it now," Gabriel cuts in, not interested in this matter.

"How?"

"Well... do another exorcism. A proper one," he responds as if it's obvious. "There's no time to be trying... ideas."

"Gabriel, this is the best exorcism I found. I said it word for word."

"Maybe you should try it naked next time," Uriel teases.

"W-What?!"

"Or whatever you were doing last time."

"Yeah, you were. Ridiculously trying to seem like a stupid human," Michael adds.

"Another reason why you can't be trusted," Sandalphon assures.

Aziraphale opens and closes his mouth not knowing what to say.

"You're the worst excuse for an angel that has ever existed," Michael adds with disdain. "A disgrace."

Uriel nods.

"Food is one thing, which is already quite bad, but this? And falling in love with a demon..."

"I don't know how you haven't been sent straight to hell, Gabriel."

"It's not something for us to decide..." the Archangel cuts off the discussion because this topic is like...

"I'll try again... I promise," Aziraphale insists, trying to sound as convincing as possible.

Gabriel sighs because he's already fed up with all of this in general, but it's not like there's much more to do than let him try again.

He's not interested in letting Aziraphale know that in reality... well, there's not much more to pressure him with if they don't even know how to kill him. Although they could take him back to heaven to another department and not let him stay on Earth anymore. (And then it would also be someone else's problem).

"I'm going to research more and figure out how to do it better," Aziraphale insists.

"It's hard to believe that when..." Gabriel points to Michael and Uriel. "So maybe you should do something about that too.

"D-Do? Do what?

"Your... ridiculous infatuation. Or whatever it is.

"O-Oh... th-that," he blushes.

"It's not looked upon kindly."

"It's ridiculous and disgusting," Michael assures. "An abomination."

"I-I understand," Aziraphale shifts his weight. "Although it's l-love. Isn't it supposed to...?"

The four of them look at him intently.

"The problem isn't love, it's the nature of the recipient," Sandalphon responds slowly.

"And if that... helps the recipient to do his job less well?"

"Sure, sure... because he wants you back," Michael rolls his eyes, but laughs again. Uriel laughs along with her.

"There are better ways to thwart evil plans, anyway," Gabriel concludes.

"Much less ridiculous ways," insists Michael.

"And to top it all off, the love you profess is becoming more earthly than celestial," Uriel adds.

Aziraphale blushes even more, especially about the kissing incident. Did they really have to scold him like a high school girl?

If he didn't behave like one...

"It really isn't and... well. Never mind. I'll be careful. I promise," he reassures again, sighing. This was hell... In heaven. They really weren't all that different.

Gabriel sighs too because there's not much more to say right now.

"Anything else?" he asks and regrets it a little. What else could they ask of him? Can you also paint the park benches with your tongue?

"A review of this situation will be conducted going forward; you may be assigned a companion if your performance seems to conflict... externally. We'll let you know," Gabriel turns, ending the conversation.

A companion?! GOOD LORD.

Miguel follows, with a half-smile.

"Pathetic..." she whispers to him. Uriel laughs at that with her, and Sandalphon looks at Aziraphale as if he's the most disgusting thing he's ever seen before following Gabriel.

Aziraphale watches them leave, hardly daring to blink, and after a few seconds of walking down the path away, they disappear.

This was the appropriate moment to have said fuck, and he wasted it with the car!

Apparently, there were many good moments for it.

Apparently, increasingly frequent ones. He looks around, paranoid.

Yes. They're gone, really gone.

Sure, they're probably watching him now. Surely, if he goes anywhere, they'll follow him. Surely, they'll be constantly trying to sense what he feels for Crowley.

And the problem was that... far from feeling less... right now he felt like his chest could explode.

Speaking of high school girls...

Ugh! A little bit. Still, he stays there. Unable to move. Horrified by all of this, thinking that the margin of error was zero. This. THIS was what he had always told Crowley would happen when he said "mine wouldn't like it." Although it was a bit less horrendous than he imagined.

So, this is the game we're playing now? The "I told you so" game?

Well! Yes. Because he told him so.

Okay. Okay... whatever, he probably can't respond anyway so... carry on.

After an absurdly long time, he eventually gets up from the bench and heads home, not really enjoying his moments on Earth. Although surprisingly, he finds an old lady trying to get her cat down from a tree on the way, which he helps with a small and subtle miracle.

Sure, now!

Aziraphale thinks this must be to make up for everything he's done wrong lately. Even though... He didn't feel like the worst excuse for an angel in the world, many of these things had been a DISASTER.

Anyway... there he goes to the bookshop, dragging his feet a little, and thinking that, if you exchange it for a demon, spinning the cross in the church, and falling madly in love with an infernal being were more than enough terrible things.

Do you want to see something cool?

Surely, he does.

"Fuck, fuck, fucK, fuCK, fUCK, FUCK!" protests Crowley when they're already in the bookshop, emerging from Aziraphale's coat pocket and returning to his usual size.