Chapter 4 - Brutal Honesty

The sound of footsteps came up behind me and I felt somebody place their hand on my shoulder. I blinked, turned around and saw that it was Jesse with Jordan at his side. They were both smiling at me in a way that was a stark contrast to my facial expression. I tried to smile back at them, but I felt so crushed by the event that had just occurred that my mouth couldn't move.

"It's alright." Jesse said reassuringly. "Larry's probably worried for you and he probably thinks you won't do very well."

I sighed and stared out of the window. I felt so untrustworthy and useless and I swallowed a lump. Even my best friend in the whole world didn't have faith in me and I supposed that my theories of his reaction had been correct.

"But, for what it's worth," Jesse carried on. "We think you're going to do pretty good!"

I finally cracked the smile that had been lying at the bottom of my stomach and I felt very honoured to have this compliment handed to me like it was a box of chocolates. Maybe this wasn't too disappointing after all because Larry may not have wanted to give an opinion or praise me or whatever, but at least someone had complimented my potentially good decision. Well, I knew who I was taking to Australia then.

"I can kind of see why Larry left like he did, though." Jordan said. "There are a lot of challenges you have to face on that show."

Oh yes. I remembered Friday night vividly and I remembered every single thing I had to consider because I was going on TV in front of millions, if not tens of millions of people. It was going to be very rough and hard at times, but now, I had found myself as someone who was invincible and brave and I was going to stick at it. However, I could sort of see where Jordan was coming from, but on the other hand, I disagreed with Jesse. Larry didn't look sad or worried or anything for that matter, instead he looked quite miffed and angry, which indicated that I had made a bad decision and I was stupid.

I scrunched up my face thinking about that because not to brag, but I thought I was pretty smart and I didn't do anything unless I was absolutely certain. I was actually quite astounded that even after six years of us being friends, Larry hadn't yet realised that.

"I know." I replied to Jordan. "There is a lot to face, but I will do my best to succeed at every trial. Well, that's if I get chosen for anything."

"Don't say that." Jesse said. "You're stronger than you look."

I almost chuckled when Jesse said that because I remembered the times where whenever somebody was really annoying me or if I very strongly despised them, I wouldn't hurt that somebody physically, instead, I would stare at them in a way that people used to describe as my signature death stare, which it was. At the time, I was quite proud of myself that I had found a way of inflicting intangible pain to other people without getting into trouble at school and I still was now because I still experienced people who would always pick on me for having sensitive hearing, being 'boring' and having no mother.

By good fortune, my death stare was quite easy to pull. All I had to do was half close my eyes, half pucker up my lips and widen my left nostril a little bit and boom. My secret weapon would be activated. I actually smiled upon thinking about that because it related to Jesse's last sentence impeccably and that made me feel like a very powerful person. Silent, yet so powerful.

"Oh, thanks." I said, puffing out my chest. "You guys have actually boosted my confidence quite a bit and I really appreciate that, unlike Larry."

For a brief moment, I almost glared because I felt so degraded that I had been misjudged by him, but I remembered that Larry was my best friend and he was maybe acting like this for a reason. Possibly a positive reason, but whatever it was, I had no idea.

"He could be really worried about you, you know." Jordan stated. "To him, it's probably going to be a very long three weeks and besides, Australia is all the way on the other side of the world."

When Jordan said this, I felt a bit sick and I cast my mind back. I remembered myself as a seven year-old and moving all over the continent from Romania to Bulgaria to the UK and that in itself was a thousand mile distance and a six hour flight if I was correct, but going to Australia? That would be even longer and further away and to think that I was going to be nine thousand miles away from my comfort zone… Oh, I felt a little wobbly…

"Ludwig, are you alright?" Jordan asked, looking worried, which I didn't blame him for in the slightest because I must've looked quite pale and faint.

I suddenly came back to life and shook my head rapidly. "Yeah. Yeah, sorry." I replied. "I've…just realised how scary this actually is. I won't see you guys for three whole weeks and I'll be sticking with people I've never met before. It'll be quite uncomfortable there because I won't know who to trust."

At that moment, I must've looked quite stressed because Jesse patted me on the back and it looked as if he was trying to act like the bigger person and comfort me despite his short height. "Don't worry about it, just try and have as much fun as possible and before you know it, you'll be home again." He took hold of my arm and turned me towards the window. "And as long as the stars are shining in the sky, we'll always be there with you."

I smiled. I completely understood that Jesse was trying to help me and comfort me, but his choice of words and his high pitched voice were impossible to take seriously during this situation.

"What?" Jesse asked when I started chuckling.

"Nothing." I replied, covering my mouth with my hand.

"No, don't hide it, what is it?"

"It's just…that thing you just said…it didn't sound right, but I really appreciate your help."

Jordan started to smile as well and he raised an eyebrow at me. "Do you kind of understand Larry's feelings now?"

I nodded whilst sighing. "Yeah. I was a terrible friend to think that he didn't have faith in me. I should've known he was worried and…I think I should go and talk to him."

"Well," Jordan said, taking a brief but discreet glance at his phone in his blazer pocket. "You've got three minutes until the end of lunch, so-"

I didn't need to listen anymore. I grabbed my books and pencil case and hurried out of the doors of the canteen, intending to find Larry and apologise within the three minutes. My first thought was that maybe he was in the library because that was often a nice place to sit, however, it wasn't a nice place to be if you wanted privacy and time to be alone with your thoughts. Even so, I checked up there just in case, but he wasn't sitting in any of the seats or any of the computer chairs. Instead, there were Sixth Formers discussing their qualifications, Year Ten girls laughing and joking and Year Sevens playing chess, but no Larry.

Right, okay, that was probably about a minute and a half wasted, now I had another minute and a half left. Thinking quickly, my second thought was that maybe Larry could be in the toilets, so I hurried down the stairs, though being careful not to go too fast otherwise I would stumble and fall. As luck would have it, the nearest toilets were only just through the double doors and straight ahead, so I pushed them out of my way and briskly walked down the corridors, being wary that there were older kids hanging around there and they would probably think I was hurrying to go to a lesson if I ran.

Before long, I reached the nearest toilets, I heaved the heavy door open and I let out an exhausted sigh because of how quick I had been moving around the school. Once I had caught my breath, I got down on my knees and peeped through the gap at the bottom of each cubicle. Under each one, there was absolutely nothing, but when I looked under the cubicle at the end, I saw a pair of feet and to my horror, I saw that the right leg was shaking uncontrollably, so Larry was probably in there.

"Larry, are you in there?" I asked, tapping my fingernail against the door, just to make sure.

There was silence for a moment before there was a little answer. "Ludwig?"

"Yeah, it's me." I replied. "Look, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-" I didn't get any further before the door unlocked and Larry stepped out of the cubicle. He put a hand to his mouth and started chewing his fingernails.

"That's a really dangerous TV show." he said. "I don't think you should've signed up for it."

"What?" I said, confused. "I didn't see an advertisement, a presenter phoned me first. I had no idea this was going to happen."

Larry crossed his arms. "Right. So, you had no idea it was going to happen at the time and you were unsure about it, yet you decided to say yes just so you wouldn't humiliate yourself in front of a celebrity."

I furrowed my brow and opened my mouth in light shock. What the hell? By now, I was quite frustrated and fairly appalled that Larry had accused me of all people of doing such a thing, and if there was one pet hate I had, it was being accused of things I was innocent for. "Right, what's your game?" I asked sternly. "What is it? And for the record, I spent at least six minutes considering my decision, so don't even go there. What makes you think that this is a bad idea? What makes you think I did the wrong thing?"

"Because you're a coward!" Larry shouted, which caused me to close my eyes from the noise. After I recovered, I stared at him in disbelief. "I'm sorry to break it to you," he said. "But you are. I mean, you have sensitive hearing, your anger gets triggered easily and you're not good with lots of things happening at once. What I'm trying to say is…you're not fit for this sort of thing. I think you should tell these people that you've changed your mind."

"And why should I do that?" I demanded within an instant. "Surely I'm allowed to make my own decisions."

Larry let out a shaky sigh. "I'm worried about you, Lud. A lot of bad things will probably happen to you and I don't want to see that happen while I'm not here to give you comfort."

I scoffed and actually chuckled quite a bit. "Yeah. Obviously you're so worried when you're insulting me!" I turned away from Larry and began to walk out of the toilets and annoyingly, Larry followed me. "I've had enough of this. It's my decision and I'll change it if I want to, which isn't happening!" I stopped and turned around, which caused Larry to halt and we both became face to face. "Do you hear me?" I said, raising an eyebrow. "It isn't happening!"

"Lud, please!" Larry protested. "Just listen to me for a sec, I'm trying to help you. I…I'm really worried about you!"

By now, I was near the end of the corridor and I wrapped my fingers around the bar of the door. "Well, thank you so much!" I shouted back at him sardonically. "Because I'm really feeling your benevolence!" and with that, I pulled back one of the double doors, briefly feeling a sense of surprise at how easily I had done so, but still, my eyes and face were blazing, so I stormed off through the doors, leaving Larry behind.

AN: Again, sorry if some of you found this chapter quite unentertaining because I really really like the thought of the main part of this story, however, I hope that in some of your eyes, this sort of builds up to the climax in a way. I don't know, but I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter! :))