Declaration of interdependence
A.N. I've borrowed something here from TV's The Big Bang Theory. It's a bit of a silly chapter, but I do quite like it. Thanks to recent reviewers—believe it or not but it helps a lot with motivation!
House had suggested that both of them sleep on what they had discussed the night before. In truth, however, Cameron did not get much sleep—her brain whirred with activity, turning over hopes, dreams, and lines of argument. She had no way to tell what frame of mind House would be in come Saturday morning. Sure, he had been amenable to her suggestions, but he could also be incredibly stubborn. Consequently, when she did wake from a fitful slumber, Cameron found herself caught between bubbling excitement and the very real prospect of mentally preparing for round two.
For a full forty-five minutes she tried to drop off again. But it was no use. Throwing back the makeshift bedsheets, she tied on her Hufflepuff dressing gown and went for the kitchen and the coffee pot. She poured out two cups and took them both back to the living room. A few restless sips of her own followed, the early morning silence punctured only occasionally by a passing car from outside. Now that House no longer needed help moving around, she could find no excuse to head on through and wake him up. It would be better for her own peace of mind if they dealt with pressing business as soon as possible. But this is what she got for being a morning lark living with a night owl.
Cameron spent a few minutes aimlessly browsing the news headlines on her phone.
Her mind refused to switch off.
"Ah, screw it". Taking a deep breath, she picked up the second coffee cup and made her way to the bedroom.
The door was open—bed empty, tangled sheets.
"House?".
No answer.
She walked down the corridor. Then, the faint sounds of a machine grew louder.
Reaching the study, she stood outside the closed door and listened. More sounds. The printer.
Knocking softly, she entered to the sight of House sitting at the computer with his clunky gaming headset over his ears.
"Greg?". She touched his shoulder and he turned immediately, removing the headset.
"Oh, hey. Did I wake you?". Where her sleep had been disturbed, House looked like he hadn't slept at all. His hair was messy, and his eyes bleary, but he still managed a smile.
"I didn't sleep well", she admitted, glancing at the paper tray. "Here". The coffee she placed on a coaster next to the keyboard.
"Me neither. Thanks". He yawned widely but took a couple of sips. The printer dinged and he gathered up the sheaf of papers.
"Um, what're you working on?". His matter-of-fact answers were weirding her out.
"Us", he replied simply. "Let's head through to the living room and figure out a plan".
Cameron's heart began beating rapidly. "What are those papers? Am I going to be happy at this plan?".
House retrieved his cane, grabbed a couple of pens from his desk, and got to his feet. "I want to be with you. But there are some things to discuss first. Are you up for sorting this now?".
"Oh, gee, let me think about that", she mused, tapping a finger to her chin.
"Would you bring my drink through?", he asked, looking down into her eyes. If all went to plan, this would be the last time he would have to convince himself not to kiss her.
"Alright", she nodded, still unsure quite what was happening. But at least the early signs were positive.
Before long they had reconvened on the sofa. While House spread the papers over the coffee table, Cameron took the neighbouring seat and waited patiently for him to begin speaking.
After a fortifying sip of coffee, House turned his head to look her squarely in the face. "Yeah, I couldn't sleep. So I spent some time on…a personal project".
"What kind of project?".
House twirled a pen between his fingers as he spoke: "way I see it is I have some, er, issues that could potentially stand in the way of us getting back together. So I figured it would be best to lay these all out in the open day one".
"OK…", said Cameron. "But before you continue, I'd just like to say that I'm absolutely fine that you have issues. I don't mind. They make up who you are. And I love who you are". He was speaking like he was completely unaware of her expertise in House Studies. Four years' experience working with and loving this man, combined with several months' fieldwork in situ at Baker Street, counted for something.
House ran a hand through his hair. "All the same, I'd really like you to listen to me".
"Sorry. Please, go ahead". She gestured for him to continue.
"What I've got here is a kind of contract which I've devised for us". He slid over the nearest page, entitled 'Relationship Agreement'. "I would like to spend some time going through this so that we know where we stand, we discuss the various clauses and make any changes, we sign it, and each take a copy".
Cameron looked at him, unsure if he was joking. "House, this is ridiculous. We don't need this".
"I know you think it's crazy, but I'd really appreciate it if you would give it a chance. Please. For my own peace of mind. Just think of it as like a prenup".
Now she sighed, chewing her lip softly. House never said 'please' unless it was important. "And if I don't sign?".
"Please", he repeated. "Read it with me, at least? We'll deal with signing later. There isn't much; just a few clauses we can whizz through. I know you're blonde, but it shouldn't take you long to understand". House dangled a pen in front of her face and he had an idiotic grin on his face.
"Oh, for God's sake. Fine. But I want the record to show that I think this is completely unnecessary, that I'm doing this under duress, and that this document has zero legal weight". She snatched the pen, settled her glasses on her nose, and looked at him expectantly.
"Noted. We'll add an amendment at the end registering your concerns". House turned over the final page and scribbled a note in the margin.
Cameron watched over his shoulder: "and your acknowledgment that this has zero legal weight".
"Fine, fine". House duly expanded the first amendment, then returned to the start. "OK, so, clause one: 'we, the undersigned, both agree to be in a relationship'".
"I'm happy to sign that right now", she said, clicking out her pen.
"Same".
They both initialled underneath.
"Clause two concerns the length of the relationship. I struggled with the wording here, but basically it'll last as long as we both want it to last. In terms of how we define 'want', I've got a couple of subclauses".
Cameron laughed. Of all the things she thought they would be doing the morning after the night before, she did not land on this. "OK", she said, scanning the text, "but I want an addition here regarding communicating our 'wants'. It's to be all out in the open. No subterfuge regarding our relationship. Or brooding".
House tilted his head. "But I like subterfuge and brooding".
"And you can absolutely still do those things. Just not if it concerns our relationship or me. If you have a problem, you have to tell me. And vice versa".
"I really struggle being so open, though. Dunno if I could actually do that".
They both sipped their coffee.
"Fine", she said eventually. "What if we water it down a bit? You can still brood about our relationship generally, but if you're unhappy with something in particular to do with me, then you must, at minimum, seriously consider telling me so I can deal with whatever it is".
"Hmm", House nodded slowly. "I can do that. I'll make a note for the second amendment and add it in the final version".
Cameron watched as he made the requisite scribbles. "Good. I'm happy with these 'wants'. Let's initial".
A 'GH' and 'AC' appeared under the clause and subclauses.
House cleared his throat. "The next set involves 'Insecurities'. I obviously have a few, um, problems with general stuff like, y'know, being normal. So if I just lay out the things I struggle with as regards 'us' then, at the very least, we're both on the same page. Literally".
"Maybe you can include an appendix or something?", she joked.
"That's actually a good idea but, honestly, who has the time?". He appeared deadly serious.
"Yeah, no, of course", she nodded quickly, also apparently deadly serious.
"OK, so", he said, taking another sip of his coffee, "my main issue, obviously, is that I think you're a complete moron for wanting to be with me at all. You still want to be with me, right?".
"Yeah. Sorry", Cameron nodded, very aware that she had just apologised to the object of her attraction for that very attraction.
House winced slightly, as if dismayed that she really was as blonde as she looked. "Fine, so you'll need to just sign right here".
The immunologist took up her pen and read the clause. "House, this is insane. I'm not signing that: 'AC accepts that she is objectively an idiot moron and does not hold GH responsible for her own catastrophic failures of understanding'".
"Look", now he spread his hands wide, "I'm just making sure we're all singing from the same satanic hymn sheet. I have some more subclauses elucidating in forensic detail why you're objectively an idiot moron; hang on…". He shuffled through the various papers on the table and emerged triumphant: "here".
Cameron raised her eyebrows but nevertheless read the new document. It contained a few reasons, most of which she already knew about:
'AC looks like an actual model and really ought to be with another model. GH is not a model'.
'AC is a very sweet and generous person while GH is not'.
'AC is a good deal younger than GH'.
'GH is potentially crippled for life'.
Et cetera.
Although this exercise was largely light-hearted and tongue-in-cheek, as she read Cameron couldn't help but feel a deep well of sadness that House thought this way about himself. For so long he had bottled up self-loathing and anguish at his state, using these 'reasons' to push people away like a defence mechanism. But the truth was that she recognised none of them. None of these words informed how she viewed him. By the time she reached the end, there were tears in her eyes.
"Oh, hey; you don't need to sign this", he murmured. "Maybe I went too far".
"No, no", she sniffed, wiping a hand across her eyes. "I just have an amendment".
"You're thinking 'idiot moron' is too strong? I'm happy to degrade it to 'moron' if you-".
"-I want you to sign an amendment promising that you will try to love yourself just as you love me". Cameron inclined towards her neighbour and took both his hands in hers.
"Love myself? Is that a reference to masturbation?", he asked slowly.
"No, it is not a reference to masturbation". Cameron took a deep breath before continuing: "I know you have issues, and I know that's why we're doing this whole thing, but I really want you to see yourself as I see you. All these perceived 'faults' you came up with…none of them allow for your intoxicating intelligence, your driving sense of purpose, of right and wrong, your love of knowledge and history and music. There're no subclauses here for your uniquely weird personality, your wonderfully dry sense of humour, your ability to ensure that I never have a dull day, your unusual (and, admittedly, somewhat surprising) tendency for romantic gestures. Nothing here concerning your beautifully rugged features, your blue eyes, stubble, and messy hair; your long arms and legs-".
"-OK, OK", he interrupted softly.
"Your legs, House", she insisted, tilting his chin up. "I am certain you'll regain your full mobility. But even if you don't, and you walk with a cane for the rest of your life, I will love you all the same".
She could see his eyes lost in some far-off reflection, and she waited patiently for him to return to the present. "Well", he said eventually.
"What's up? That's just how I feel. You said you wanted to get these things out at the beginning, so…".
"Oh, yeah, it's just…I don't know how I'm gonna write all that crap you just said into the agreement".
Cameron laughed thickly and blew her nose on a tissue taken from the nearby box. "Maybe we come back to it in the second version?".
"Fine". House glanced at the next item on the main paper. "The last major thing-".
"-wait, what about my 'Insecurities'? I feel like they should go in, too. For completeness' sake".
"What the hell have you got to be insecure about? I know I rib you a lot and stuff but…you're perfect". He looked genuinely confused.
"I'm not perfect".
"No? Let's hear it, then". Now House folded his arms and looked at her expectantly.
"Well, I dunno…", she waved a hand in the air. "For starters, I have major confidence issues, professionally and personally, and I'm constantly worried I'm not smart, or provocative, enough for you. I'm also kind of a hypocrite in some senses, especially regarding values and morals. I probably have unresolved childhood issues-".
"-join the club, sweetheart", he scoffed. "What else?".
"I, I think I'm too thin. I can be quite judgmental of people I disapprove of. I, uh, can be pretty high and mighty towards certain…individuals".
"Those last two things are the same", he pointed out.
"And I have insane jealousy. I'm talking, like, real 'green-eyed monster' stuff. And there's probably a whole lot more. All this was just off the top of my head".
"Your blonde head".
"Exactly".
House sat back in the couch, clicking his pen repeatedly.
"So I think my faults should be entered into the record as well", she added.
"Hmm".
Ten seconds passed.
"Nah, sorry, Camster. You're not fooling anyone with that second load of crap you just uttered. None of that's going in. It's like you have no idea how this thing actually works".
Cameron laughed out loud.
"Anyway, moving on. Final clause concerns…", he checked the paper, "…ending the relationship. Much like earlier, I'm just putting something like 'ideally, both parties have to agree. But if one party is unhappy, they have the right to terminate unilaterally. Are you OK with that?".
"Do we really need this bit? I'm not intending to break up with you".
"Well, me neither, but you never know. Come on; just for completeness".
"Fine", she sighed, "but I don't like 'terminate'".
"Dissolve?".
"I guess. Now that we're in this area, actually, I'd also appreciate a proviso for your insanity. Like, you might have a completely stupid reason to end things and then I'd be up the creek". She tapped his knee before taking a sip from her own coffee.
"That doesn't sound like me".
"I mean, you'll think you're being noble and self-sacrificing or some bullshit. But really it'd be a load of crap and I'd still be screwed".
"That does sound like me. Well, what d'you suggest?".
Cameron sat back and closed her eyes. A few moments later, though still with eyes closed, she said: "the only people apart from me who know you're a freak are Wilson and Cuddy. So I'm thinking that, if you ever consider ending it, and you've already spoken to me, then you seek the input of your friends. Both of them need to agree before any action on your part".
House pondered this briefly before nodding. "OK, that seems reasonable". He jotted down the amendment. "So, you still retain unilateral power without counsel in this instance".
Cameron shuffled closer on the couch. "I think it's super cute when you speak legal", she breathed.
"Hey, I'm being serious here. There'll be plenty of time for stuff after", he replied, attempting heroically to remain on message.
"Fine, fine".
"That's all I came up with. You got any additions?".
"Hmm, there is one thing". The immunologist took a breath and braced herself. "I notice there's nothing on marriage and children. Being honest, as I mentioned yesterday, I would like both. In due course, obviously. How would you, um, view those things?".
"I haven't really considered either", he admitted slowly. "The only other person I've been with for any length of time is Stacy, and she was never keen. But, yeah, I think I'd be open to both, assuming we're in the right place, literally and figuratively. I dunno if starting a family in this apartment is wise; too cramped. And we'd need to be absolutely comfortable with each other again before taking that step".
"Agreed". Cameron could remember last year, on the way to Wilson's apartment for a get-together, driving through the Princeton outskirts and observing the spacious houses with pretty lawns. At the time, the image had appeared before her mind's eye of settling down with House in such a place, with plenty of room for their children to play. A fantasy, perhaps, as he didn't seem the person for docile American suburbia and a white picket fence. Maybe he still wasn't. But this openness of his to the prospect of family and future made her heart soar. For herself, this would have been the only speed bump on the road to long-term bliss, so sure was she of everything else concerning their dynamic.
"Alright", he nodded. "I'll add an amendment regarding 'Family'. I'm also leaving space for anything concerning our work situation, but we'll cross that bridge later; I'm not too worried. As I said last night, I'm convinced we can find a sensible solution if we put our heads together as a team".
She smiled. "OK".
"Anything else?".
"Nope. I think you got it all. Now what?". Cameron's heart started beating faster.
"Now I type up the redrafted version, we re-sign it, and…yeah; like true Americans, we'll have our declaration of interdependence".
"I'll type—faster than you. Come". Cameron quickly gathered up the strewn papers and marched towards the study.
There was no time to waste.