Chapter Three
Toyah returned to her mother's flat after the police interview. Janice's flat was currently filled with smoke and silence as her mother sat with an cigarette in one hand as she sat in her living room. The television barely audible. Janice had all thoughts in her mind about the so-called murder. She looked at her daughter as she entered the living room.
"Is this about that Imran again? Because I thought that was over...You told me it was over" Janice spoke in between smokes.
"No. It wasn't about Imran"
"Really? Because Toyah and correct me I'm wrong. What other so-called murders have you been involved with? To make the filth come here and investigate you? I'm struggling here-"
"It wasn't a murder...I haven't done anything wrong"
"Was it mistaken identify or something? Do you expect me to believe that? It explains why you suddenly turned up here out of the blue. I didn't buy that Leanne rubbish last night and I buy it even less now" Janice admitted as she snubbed out her cigarette and faced her up front.
Toyah just let small tears down as she could barely look her in the eye. She knew this was Leanne or Rowan. Probably both. Now she's got to tell Janice the truth and no doubt make her feel guilty in the progress. That was only thing she clutched onto, making sure nobody else suffered. Now even that's destroyed and she dreads to think what Les' reaction will be. Leanne won't help soften the blow either as she made it's clear she's not going to defend her to Les.
"You should sit down...Really sit down like right now and let me tell you" Toyah began while fumbling over her words.
"Okay. I'm ready then" Janice replied as she sat back down on the couch.
"When I was raped...I was so scared, you know how I was. And I didn't want anything else to go wrong. I tried so hard to be strong and carry on. I just plunged myself back into work and back into everything. You were out at bingo...you and Les. And you came back all moody and shouty. I was upstairs and you were rowing over some money" Toyah paused as she hid her face in her hands..."I'm not blaming you at all. So don't even think that. I'm just trying to explain to you what was going on in my head" Toyah blurted out through messy tears.
"I don't know what to think. What did you do that night?" Janice asked as she placed an arm around her.
"I had a baby. A girl. She was born early...too early. I tried everything to wake her up but she wouldn't wake up. I was surrounded by my own blood and I felt like I was going to die. So I wrapped her...Rose...I wrapped Rose up in my blankets and I snuck out. I walked and walked in the early morning until I found the next park after the 'Red Rec'. But they are saying I did something wrong. I didn't do anything wrong" Toyah sobbed.
Janice looked a mixture of puzzled and heartbroken. She didn't even know if she believed that.
"No. That didn't happen...I would have noticed, Toyah"
"You didn't notice because I didn't want you to notice. I was ashamed of myself...I wanted to tell you so badly but-"
"But what?"
"You...Y-You were having troubles with Les and I didn't want to stress you out even more. I was so close to telling you but then I found out you were cheating with Dennis and I felt like I didn't want to burden you with anything else. That was my choice" Toyah admitted as she watched her mother get up.
Janice was wandering around the room and trying to think back to 2001. This just felt like a cruel trick.
"Was I really that bad?" Janice asked with a slight scoff.
"No. You are a great mum...But I didn't know how to tell ya. I was a scared nineteen year old girl"
"All the more reason you should have been able to feel like you could have came to me. Is that why you got so angry at me when you found out I was cheating with Dennis? Did you want to tell me that night?"
The silence back told her everything. Yeah, that was it. Janice was holding in the tears better than Toyah who looked like she would never stop. Toyah hid her face in her hands again as she couldn't believe Leanne has done this to her. This is what she knew would happen.
"You been through so much, mum. I was going to tell you but Les needed me. He was heartbroken when you left. And I got with Sam...He was so sweet and I felt normal again. I couldn't have told anybody and I came close a few times but Les was in a state"
"Les was in a state? You were the one in a state! So you're telling me if Les reacted like a normal human being to the break-up. You might have told me?"
"It wasn't Les' fault. It was nobody's fault"
"It was mine though for being too with preoccupied with Dennis. What sort of mother doesn't notice that?"
"The sort of mother whose daughter doesn't want her to"
"Please don't make excuses for me, Toyah. The fact you felt you couldn't come to me breaks my heart"
"I'm sorry"
"No. I'm the one who is sorry...Well I'm here for you now" Janice uttered as she gave her daughter that much-needed hug. The one she should have got from Leanne when she told her.
...
"He's really sorry. He didn't mean to go but your mam told him you didn't want to see him again. He's really upset that you slammed the door in his face. There's some stuff he doesn't want you to know but it was for the best. I probably would have been the same in his shoes" Kirk began to explain as he spoke to Chesney in the kebab shop about Les' return and excuses.
"My mum was gone within weeks of him. I asked him to come back and he wouldn't, he's just making excuses. I look at my kids sometimes and wonder, how the Hell could he and mam have done that to me? Fiz did her best but she wasn't a parent"
"He's been homeless"
"All the more reason for him to have come back to the house. It's not like he had any shame, is there?"
"He's really missed you. You, Leanne and Toyah are what kept him going and he does have shame. He didn't want to drag you down with him...You know he had trouble with the police in the past. He had trouble again in the last fourteen years and he didn't want me to tell ya but I have to otherwise you won't get it"
"You're right. I don't get it"
"Please let me get him and let him explain then. I'm no good at this stuff...He's the one you need to ask questions to" Kirk pleaded.
Chesney leaned on the counter as he gave a nod. He watched Kirk rush out and down the street. No doubt looking for him. The man waited and waited, fiddling about with the phone wire. Hardly any customers came in during this time so he was a bit bored as he pulled up a stool. He wondered what excuses Les would give him, now he's a father himself. He doesn't know how much he can forgive him. He wouldn't leave his kids for anything. The door opened again as Kirk came in with Les, leaving them alone as he wished Les good luck.
"You got five minutes" Chesney told him as he came round from the counter.
"Alright. Well Kirk said you got questions, son-"
"Don't call me that. We are way past that"
"Don't say that. I never wanted to leave you...Look I might need more than five minutes. The bottom line is I got a job offer as a roadie and your mum was fine. She said 'That's great, go and enjoy it'. Those were her exact words. I did that for a good year-"
"You knew my mum had gone by that point though. Why didn't you come back as soon as she left?"
"Because I was making good money and I thought if I leave now. I may as well not have left in the first place. My intention was to always come back. So a year and a half later, it was over. I was ready to come back with a good bundle of cash. I rang your mum to tell her and she told me 'There's no point because Chesney hates you now. Don't bother going back, you will make matters worst. He's settled with Fiz'. I wasn't going to take any notice but she kept going and going" Les paused as he could see Chesney's face wasn't impressed..."Look, this is why I knew the truth wouldn't help because I have to badmouth your mum"
"No, carry on. I badmouthed my mum plenty of times...It's more the fact you're putting the blame on her rather than taking responsibility"
"Your mum wanted a divorce and I didn't. I met up with her in Wolverhampton in 2008 and I pleaded with her to take me back. But she insisted on a divorce and all the money I earned. Cilla got the divorce because she told them about my adultery with Yana. Yana was in on it as well by the way. They took my money for a holiday and I was left with nothing. I had nothing to give you, Chesney" Les continued.
"I didn't want anything. I just wanted the man who I saw as a dad back"
"I know and I wanted to come back. It's pathetic and now you're a dad yourself, you probably hate me even more. I had no money and my car broke down while I was getting back to Manchester. I thought I could get back on my feet and so I tried to go back to my roadie job but I didn't get anywhere. The first night I slept rough was a shock and a half. So me being stupid and without really thinking...What's new I know. So anyway, I picked a fight just so I'll be able to sleep in a cell rather than the streets" Les began to explain.
"And you never stopped?"
"Well I had to eventually because I was getting older and the fights were getting rougher. In the end, I was just asking for beatings and you don't get put in jail for getting beat up. So I just ended up sleeping in hostels and even worst places, drug dens and other things. I ended up contacting my sister but she wanted nowt to do with me. And by that time, I was filthy and I felt ashamed. I didn't want to burden my loved ones with that"
Chesney didn't like it but he understood it a bit better. A man's pride is a very strong thing.
"Okay. You're right by the way, I do think it's pathetic. My mum taking your wages is a pathetic excuse. You could have rang Kirk or Fiz...You could have done more. I was thirteen. My son's the same age now and I'd rather be embarrassed than ever leave him"
"Your mum took more than my wages. I couldn't afford to do anything and I got myself an assault charge without thinking about the consequences. And I got myself in a rut I couldn't get out of. I rang your mum a few times but she wasn't having any of it, I wanted us to be a proper family"
"Well you screwed up, didn't you?"
"Yeah I know"
"I'm not going to ever see you as my dad again, Les. But I won't blank you either...Just don't expect to come round for a while. I don't want my kids asking who you are because I don't know what to call you" Chesney admitted before getting up.
Les just gave a sad sigh as he remained seated.
"Well I'm always going to consider you my son. More than Greg even...You, Leanne and Toyah are all mine. Okay?"
"Yeah, whatever"
...
Les had a little bit of hope now but he still had unresolved issues. He still had no home and no money. He was relying on borrowing Nick's clothes for crying out loud. Kirk managed to get some old 'nippersnapper' plain white t-shirts from Sarah in the factory for him that had nothing printed on them. Kirk came out and passed them over, Les just reluctantly thanked him as he grabbed the three t-shirts.
"They haven't got on anything on them. Just the 'underworld' tag but nobody can see the tag" Kirk insisted.
"I just want to look like myself again. I need a denim jacket and a couple of jeans. My shoes have holes in them as well. Look" Les responded which made Kirk look down to see them.
"Holes? More like craters"
"I might have to ask our Leanne for some money. The charity shops though are even getting expensive now. Have you seen them?"
"Yeah. Still cheaper than the normal shops though...I get all my clothes from them. And my shoes. Beth gets most of her stuff from there as well...You will love her by the way. She's really funny-"
"Well she must be if she married you"
Kirk gave him a slight hit around the head in jest at this. He got one back slightly harder which made him step back. Les almost looked guilty for doing it until Kirk gave him one more back.
"Grow up you two" Fiz remarked as she came out next.
"Hi Fiz. Long time no see...I just spoken to Ches, I think we got somewhere" Les told her but she didn't look convinced.
"Well I hope so. Look, Les. It's been a long time so I won't go on but just know that I wasn't happy with you then and I'm not happy with you now. I had to raise Chesney through the difficult teenage years. You and mam really lucked out, didn't you? I gave up my early twenties for that. And I love Chesney but I did have to be a mum before I really wanted to be a mum" Fiz explained calmly.
"I'm sorry but your mum told me you were happy about it"
"The only one happy was her. Like I said, it was a long time ago. I'm not going to argue with you now. I just wanted you to know that"
"How is Cilla?"
"Erm...She's still Cilla except she's got osteoporosis" Fiz paused as she could see his confused face..."Weak bones" Fiz added.
"I would like to talk to her again"
"You mean argue with?"
"It's just so I can tell her some home truths. You can't keep me from doing that...Weak bones or not. I need to clear the air"
"No. I'm not giving you her number just you can shout at her down the phone" Fiz replied back in disbelief.
"I'm not going to be harsh. I just want a word"
"No, Les. I'm going back inside"
She went back inside quickly afterwards which left Les scoffing. He doesn't care what she thinks. He will get Cilla's number one way or another.
...
"I just want a tenner for the pub. That's all, love. I don't want to ask but I have nothing. I managed to get three t-shirts from Kirk and that's it. I haven't even got a jacket or jeans. Look how bad my trainers are" Les was later saying to Leanne after she got back from another day of promotions.
"Well I will help you with getting clothes but not booze"
"Oh come on. I don't know many people around here anymore and the ones I did know probably won't wanna know me anymore. At least give me money for pie and chips"
"Unbelievable"
"Tell me about it. You know what else is unbelievable? Fiz won't give me Cilla's old number. I want a chat and I want her to come back here and explain herself to me. Maybe we can get back together-"
"Why would you even want to?"
"Because what other woman is gonna give me a chance? I need a bed and a cooked meal, Leanne. Can't rely on you for that all the time"
Nick rolled his eyes as he listened to this conversation. Leanne began getting out her purse as she passed him a ten pound note. More for pity than anything else as he really didn't have anything.
"Thanks, love. This will come in handy...I should be able to get a pie and a pint. Hopefully. Unless that's gone more than a tenner now? I remember when a tenner could get you a chippy meal and two pints" Les further spoke as he gently grabbed the ten pound note.
"Pathetic" Nick muttered under his breath which made the father and daughter look over.
"What?" Les asked him harshly as he stood up.
"Oh it's nothing, Les. It's just I thought yesterday I got it through to your head that Leanne is giving away her money to Rowan. Now she's giving her money away to you too. The cult leader and the loser-"
"Oi! You're the only loser here" Les paused as he briefly looked between them, he went over to Nick and said a lot more quietly..."And I thought I got it through your head this morning that we don't push her"
"You may as well have given your blessing, Les. There's not pushing and then there's rolling over. You take the eaisier option as always" Nick insisted.
He just scoffed as he went back to Leanne. He wasn't rolling over, he just didn't want to make her not want to confide in him. He was trying to make things normal as he thought it would help. Leanne held onto her father's hand as she didn't even want glance at Nick.
"I had an idea for tonight...Why don't us three talk to Oliver together? Like a family. You're always saying how we need to work together" Leanne suggested much to both men's horror.
"I don't think I'm ready for that. I told you what I think about that" Nick quickly replied while looking down.
Leanne looked very upset by him not entertaining this idea. Les wasn't exactly keen to do it either. Mainly because not meeting the real Oliver was one of his biggest regrets of the last fourteen years. He can't talk to a fake one or at least he doesn't want to but he thought he might have to force himself to if it will make his daughter happy. He looked at Nick with a nod towards the exit. Nick knew that was his cue for another private chat with the father-in-law.
"Let's talk about it later. Nick's going to buy me a chippy dinner" Les insisted as he got up.
Nick sighing as he followed him outside with his wallet. They stopped a bit down the road from the flat.
"Don't you dare do that to her again!" Les snapped as soon as as they were both alone again.
"Do what to her? Tell her what I think? How are we going to make her free from them if we keep pretending we agree?"
"Man up, Nick. What would you rather do? Make her upset or pretend to be invested in this? Listen to me, I'm trying my hardest to be normal around her. Meanwhile you're over in the corner sulking-"
"I'm not sulking! You have no idea...I watched Leanne grieve over Oliver for weeks afterwards. She finally got to a good place before Rowan came storming in with this rubbish and now she's back to square one almost"
"You don't need to tell me that. My suggestion to you has been to act normal and you haven't done it. Of course she's going to run to this Rowan when you spit out your dummy every time she says something you don't like. It's what women do-"
"Excuse me?"
"Well let's be honest, Nick. There was probably a reason why she went to this guy and I don't think it was because she's into computers"
Nick scoffed as he turned away. He thought back to the days before Rowan and how she proposed to him. How she was excited about planning the wedding and he acted like he couldn't care less. Maybe Les had a point but it was difficult to comfort her in this state as she seemed consumed into this new world. He never had it spelled out but it suddenly made sense and he hated it.
"What should I do?" Nick asked as he turned back around.
"If I was you. I would go in and be normal, comfort her and make sure she knows that you know that she's got you. Don't mention Rowan. We don't to want to make him important, do we? He's just a lowlife"
"Yeah I know. But I honestly can't talk to the computer and pretend it's Oliver. I can't do that"
"I can't do that either. I'm going to get my chippy tea and suggest something else, alright? She told me his ashes are in the memorial garden down there...Let's suggest we go there"
"Yeah. I can do that"
Thus the men went their own ways again. Nick returned to the flat upstairs and Leanne was still there on the couch. Looking glum as she felt as if Nick wasn't even trying to understand. Les might not be the most sensitive but he's helped on this occasion.
"I'm sorry, Leanne. I didn't mean to cause a row. I just miss you"
"You see me all the time"
"Yeah but I mean, I miss when you spoke to me about stuff. And I'm happy for you that this Oliver video is giving you comfort. Though your dad and I don't feel it's for us, in fact; we think we should go to where his ashes are and speak to him there" Nick spoke softly.
"Really?"
"Yeah. If you feel like doing that"
"Could I at least bring out a picture or will you call me weird for that too?"
"No. And I'm sorry if I called you weird. I was just worried about you, that's all. I miss Oliver too. Can we call a truce tonight?"
"Yeah"
Nick giving a small smile as he felt he got somewhere. He gave Leanne a small kiss on the top of her head.
...
TBC