I Know the Place~ Phoebe Bridgers

The train stopped at the station in Hogsmead, I heard the few boarders get off as I sat, frozen with red eyes. I had to stop thinking, I had to. I decided to focus on one thing, I have to get up, I have to get back to Hogwarts, I stared at the parchment still in my hands, I was holding it so tightly that my knuckles were turning white.

Do I take it?

No no no no, I don't need this, merely looking at it gives me a headache, I knelt and put it back in the pocket under the seat. Then I reconsidered it, I pulled it back up and unwrapped it, taking out the one titled '1st of September 1975' that one specifically had intrigued me, I had kept staring at it for over an hour, it was the same as the rest of them except there was one item in it that was painted over with a different colour of ink, someone had been so determinant that no one should see that specific plan, there seemed to be a few notes next to it, but they were painted on too. The whole thing was a disaster of broken school rules, so why was that one crossed out other than the rest? I pocketed that paper and put the rest back. The pocket was probably charmed with either blood or gene magic which is why it opened upon me touching it when it was supposed to only respond to Dad or Black. I pushed the steel plate back in its place, it fit back easily leaving no trace that there might be a life-changing revelation that makes you question every piece of information anyone has ever told you before hiding behind it.

I formed my hands in fists but then cursed and relaxed it back. I put my Jacket back on, fixed my hair and got off. The freezing cold air hitting my face was sobering, I breathed it in for a second, feeling my head clear slightly. I looked around realizing there were no carriages, we usually take the carriages from Hogsmead to Hogwarts, but apparently, they're only there at the beginning and end of the term, so I had to walk back. Usually, I didn't mind walking, I would even prefer it, but right now I needed to get somewhere with people, I needed some noise to drown my thoughts, some voices higher than the ones in my head, I sighed and started walking towards Hogwarts.

"Stalking me now, Potter?" Came a familiar cold voice. Mateo Diaz was sitting on a bench on the sidewalk, nursing a cracked lip with a bloody rag in his hand.

"What are you doing here? And what happened to you?" I asked eyeing his injury.

"What are you doing here?"

"That's none of your business"

"Exactly"

I rolled my eyes, I was really curious to know what he was up to, but I wasn't about to take his attitude, so I just kept walking, only for him to call me again.

"Wait, what are you doing? You're not walking to Hogwarts, are you?

"Where else do you think I'll go?"

"At the middle of the night? Alone? You realize there's an escaped convict right?"

"I can say the same for you"

"Whatever, I'm going back to Hogwarts too, come on," he said, got up and marched ahead of me.

"I can walk on my own, I'm not scared"

"Really, because you look awful"

"Your face is all bruised and you're saying I look awful? What happened to you?" I asked again.

"I fell"

"You fell?" I snorted.

"Shut up," he said, stopping for a second to wipe even more blood off his lip.

"Stay still, I can fix it," I said taking my wand out of my Jacket and pointing it at him, he instantly pulled his out too.

"Get your wand off my face," he said pointing his at my chest.

"If I wanted to hurt you I would've done it already, idiot, Episky" his lip healed in a second, and he lowered his wand slowly, still staring accusingly at me.

"That's big talk from someone who still can't do a stunning charm" he said looking ahead and walking hurriedly again.

"I'm working on it," I said, gritting my teeth, and getting even more annoyed. Although I couldn't deny that his annoying presence and comments were exactly what I needed to drive my mind away from everything.

"If Black is out here he'll eat you alive"

"It's good that I have you with me then, I feel so safe" I mocked him.

"Don't flatter yourself, if he shows up I'll give you up to him peacefully"

"What makes you think he won't kill you first"

"Because I'm a pureblood, darling, he won't hurt me"

"You actually believe that? He's a murderer, Diaz, he killed thirteen people"

"No, he killed thirteen muggles"

"Oh, right," I said slapping my hand on my forehead "I forgot that muggles are marine creatures"

He snorted condescendingly.

"Mateo, muggles are people, those are thirteen people who had lives and families and friends and dreams, he killed them, put a stop to all of it and laughed while doing it"

"Why are you defending muggles so much, huh? It's the holidays, Christmas is just around the corner and you're walking alone at night with bloodshot eyes, why aren't you in the embrace of your loving muggle family right now?"

I didn't care about the Dursleys, his words weren't supposed to get on my nerves... but they did.

"Just because the Dursleys are not the best of people doesn't mean that all muggles are that way, and it certainly doesn't mean that they deserve to die"

We were almost running at this point, pushing all the tension into walking, while we argued furiously.

"NO, Don't You Get It?" He bellowed almost as exasperated, "They're all that way, that's all they want, they want to strip us of our magic, they've been at it for centuries. Muggles want to take everything valuable we have, they want to keep us hiding, and then they send their children, claiming to be witches and wizards, to steal even more of our magic, they interfere with every part of it, even Slytherin, the legacy of our blood, they get in and they tarnish it, all muggles and mudbloods do is ruin everything, places, names and... and..."

He was shaking with fury, breathing heavily. But not nearly as furious as I was, my blood boiled with hatred, for him, for Black and for everyone else, who was he to stand here and lecture me like he knows everything, he knows nothing he doesn't have any idea.

"You know what else mudbloods do? They die horribly while trying to stop a dark wizard from murdering their infant" I yelled as loud as he did, feeling my face hot with anger, he looked just slightly taken aback "You're acting like wizards are all high and mighty, like they cause no harm like the war didn't happen, you think purebloods are better than everyone like they weren't the reason for all the bloodshed that happened, let me tell you something, Diaz, my father was a pureblood, as pure as they come, now where is he?" I looked around in sarcastic fury "where? I don't see him, that's what wizards like you cause and if for one second you thought that wizards like Black and Voldemort were in the right, then whoever bruised your face was right to do it"

I could see the hatred and anger I felt reflected in his eyes.

"You don't know what you're talking about" he whispered, his voice hoarse. I stormed off, we were almost at the gates anyway, I left him frozen and went around the colossal walls, I kept running, feeling all the anger for everything and everyone, Diaz, The stupid train to-do list, the lies, the truth that I can't comprehend, everything, I ran and ran feeling my energy drain every second, I finally collapsed next to Hagrid's hut and rested my head on its wooden walls, trying to regain my composure.

I don't remember how I got up and made my way inside Hogwarts and all the way up to the Gryffindor Tower, I didn't make any side talk with Sir Cadogan and got in.

Ginny, Fred and George were laughing their heads off about something, I didn't think they'd be up, given that it was almost midnight. Harry, Ron and Hermione were nowhere to be seen.

"Emma, here you are," said Ginny cheerfully when she noticed me, "come look at that" I approached and they had a huge piece of parchment laid and were writing places on it like the astronomy tower, the great hall, the dungeons and other less known places like the tunnel to Filch's office, the one-eyed witch and the kitchens, they were all drawn architecturally and pinned with their names which seemed to have moving letters.

"We're making our own" said George excitedly.

"You're own what?" I asked, confused.

"Hogwarts map, we had one but we gave it to Harry, now we're trying to make a replica so it would be our legacy too" answered Fred.

"Of course, the one we gave to Harry had some better... Options, but we're working on that, do you want to help?" Asked George still as excited.

"I would love to, but I'm really tired," I said in my best attempt at acting like I was alright.

"Sure" shrugged Fred and I went up to the girls' dormitory. I threw myself at my bed and groaned, I just wanted to sleep, I wanted to stop my mind from running in the same loop over and over, I wanted to silence the voices and water down the fire of rage. I heard the door open and Ginny strolled in.

"Get up, tell me what happened," she said firmly, pulling me off the bed.

"Nothing happened, I'm just tired" I didn't feel like I could talk about it right now, I was too tired and I wasn't even sure I wanted to tell her.

"Emma," said Ginny in a warning note and raised her eyebrows.

I told her everything.

"That narcissistic git," said Ginny throwing one of my quills in anger.

"Hey!" I protested.

"Shut up, who has quills on their nightstands?! And why did you heal that idiot's injury? You should have cursed him even more"

"I don't know, he was bleeding and frankly, I wanted to try the spell, I hadn't tried it before"

"Who do you think injured him through?"

"I don't know, it's killing me"

I stared at the ceiling for almost a minute, I could feel Ginny's eyes on me, I was trying to ignore it, but I knew I wouldn't last.

"Emma, your dad was a good person, everyone says so, Hagrid, Dumbledore, everyone who knew him"

I didn't move my eyes from the ceiling and kept quiet, I was glad I told Ginny, it took a lot of the weight of it off my chest, but I don't know if she got how much this revelation is baffling me.

"How can I believe them, Ginny?" I said finally after another minute of silence "If people like Hagrid and Dumbledore knew about him and Black being friends, then what else are they hiding?"

"I don't know, but it won't do you well to keep wondering, you just have to trust the things you do know"

"What are the things I do know? What if everything was a lie?" I sighed and put my hands on my face, "I wish there was at least one trusted person I could ask that wouldn't lie to me"

As I said that, as if on cue, that person popped into my head, but no, I can't do that, I shook my head trying to push the idea out of it, maybe there's someone else, Lupin, maybe, but then again, all he had told me was that he knew my mom in school, he didn't mention anything about Dad or Black or their pranks, even though he probably knew about it, even if barely. Just another person that hid the truth from me, because that's what everyone does now.

"Come on, Emma, it's almost Christmas, cheer up," said Ginny trying to pull me out of my overthinking, self-destructive mind. I smiled faintly.

"So tell me now," she said smoothly pulling Conan's rose from my pocket, "just friends, huh?"

I tried my best to enjoy the holidays, I gossiped with Ginny, helped the twins with some of their pranks and played plenty of chess matches with Ron. I'm sorry did I say played? I meant got humiliated as always, turns out even the few techniques I picked up from Mrs. Walker weren't enough to help me, but even Ron had admitted I was improving while his bishop was viciously slaughtering my king. I noticed Harry was as spaced out as I was sometimes, I considered telling him multiple times but thought better of it, the whole thing had been driving me insane and I like to think I'm the more stable sibling. I couldn't imagine what it would do to him.

Ginny offered to send to her Dad and ask him if he knew any information about it, but I wasn't sure still, I didn't know if he'll tell me the truth and I didn't want to get any more confused than I was right now. My mind kept going back to the only person I thought I could somewhat trust, the only person who would probably know enough about the subject, except I wasn't sure I even had the guts to ask that person anything. Not until Christmas Eve's day.

I spent the most insomniac night in my life, and that says a lot, all the improvements I made those past few days were gone in a haze of darkness and migraines, the dark thoughts had thought to take over me like they did on the train and drive me over the edge this time.

So, when my semiconscious body recognized the tiniest ray of sunlight coming through the window, I got off my bed in exasperation, my brain felt loose inside my skull as I got up too fast. I got dressed and stormed downstairs. I sat in the common room for a few minutes trying to comprehend if it was the best idea to do what I was about to do. It certainly wasn't, but I was going crazy, I was so tired and confused all the time, I wanted to enjoy the holidays with everyone else, I wanted to be happy, I didn't want to have to worry all the time. I made my decision, got up and exited the common room. The time was wildly inappropriate, but something told me she's usually up that early. I had nothing to lose, she might refuse to answer any of my questions, but I knew she wouldn't lie, and that's all I needed. I knocked on the door.

"Come in," said a confused but firm voice.

I sat in Professor McGonagall's office in the earliest hours of the day, staring at my hands.

"Here," she said and put a cup of tea in front of me. I stared up at her, she was smiling faintly, I don't usually see Professor McGonagall smiling that way, I even figured she'd lecture me about going to her that early. She did seem like she wanted to at first, but I think something in my face or my red sleepless eyes had made her tell me to sit down as she put on the kettle. I was making a huge effort not to form my hands into fists, so I took the tea cup in my hands instead and held it tightly.

"What is it, Miss. Potter, did something happen?" She asked, in an unusually gentle tone.

I took a deep breath, trying to form my thoughts into sentences, I had certainly rushed in coming here without sorting my mind up first.

"Nothing dangerous, no," I said because her eyebrows were furrowed in concern. She breathed out slightly and kept staring at me encouragingly.

"When I was going back to Hogwarts" I started, not knowing where I was going with this, "I erm... I found out... Something was..." I stopped again, wishing I hadn't come here, Professor McGonagall just kept staring at me patiently, I took a sip of my tea, and the warmth spread through me the moment it touched my lips, I can do this, I told myself.

"I found out that Sirius Black was friends with my father at school" I blurted out, not bothering to go into details, McGonagall's face seemed to get slightly pale, but then she nodded firmly, waiting for me to continue, "They were friends up until they left Hogwarts, that's all I know about it... I just want to understand, no one is telling me anything, what happened? Was he still friends with Dad when he was supporting you-know-who? Did Dad know about it? What happened?"

McGonagall studied me from behind her spectacles, somehow, she looked even older, like the weight of the years she was carrying just doubled.

"How do you know that, Emma?"

She had never called me by my first name before, I wondered if that was a good or bad sign.

"I just know," I said very quietly. Despite how risky that was, I wasn't sure I wanted to tell her about the to-do list, I didn't want her to ask me where it was or go get it, it felt like it belonged there, in the train, forever in a journey.

McGonagall pursed her lips, now that's the expression I'm used to.

"I trust you not to keep information that might help the look for Black, Emma, so I'll let you keep that to yourself, now I believe you want to know what happened between your father and Black, I will tell you as much as you want if you believe that you need to know that information, but I have to warn you, all that might hurt you even more, so here's something you need to know: Your father was a hero, he did everything to try and stop you-know-who, he was one of the bravest men I knew, so if that's what you're doubting then here, your father wasn't involved with you-know-who or any kind of dark arts that caused anyone to get hurt, you have my word for that, if you trust it"

"I trust it, Professor" I said, realizing that I genuinely did trust her, my heart had warmed at her deceleration, my Dad was good, at least I could trust this fact, I almost considered just being satisfied with that and not ask further questions, but I knew I would regret giving up an opportunity to understand further, and apparently it showed on my face. McGonagall sighed, "Very well then, here's what happened"

He was his best friend, his best friend for ten years, a person he trusted with his and his family's life, literally. He spent all his school years with him, side by side, helping each other, laughing together and maybe even being vulnerable in each other's company, graduated and stayed friends, presumably fighting against Voldemort together, making him his son's godfather without hesitation and then when Dad needed a secret keeper, who else would he choose except for his life long best friend, he trusted him, and then...

My heart broke for my Dad, I wondered if he had realized it, if before he died he had realized that his best friend had sold him out, I wished he didn't, I wished his heart didn't break just before it stopped beating.

"Do you have any more questions, Emma?" Asked Professor McGonagall after letting me process it for a few minutes, I clenched my empty cup of tea, seeking warmth that wasn't there anymore.

"No, Professor, thank you for telling me"

"Emma... You're one of the best students I have, so I trust your judgement on most things, you might slip up sometimes like what happened with Mr Malfoy, but I know you know better, that's why I told you all this, so I'm hoping you won't do anything to possibly risk your or your brother's life, yes, Black is a criminal, and I get that you might feel the need to seek revenge, but you have to realize that your parents died to insure your life, that's why I need you to tread carefully, it would be a shame to hand Black exactly what he wishes for now wouldn't it?"

I nodded, feeling the rage explode in my heart, Black, I never thought I would hate someone more than Voldemort, but the fact remains, Voldemort is a murderer, not a liar, no one trusted him, and no one thought he would do anything but kill, unlike Black. I wanted to see him die, I wanted to see him suffer, even the Dementor's kiss felt too much mercy on him, I wanted to see him tortured until he begged for death.

When I went back I woke Ginny up with great difficulty and then told her everything, we talked about it for so long that we missed breakfast.

Talking about it made me feel marginally better, I noticed that as horrifying that news is and as furious as it gets me, I still feel better knowing them, not leaving my brain to wonder about worse and worse scenarios, confusion and indecision were far harder on me than knowing the truth however hard it is.

I didn't know what I would do if I got the chance to go after Black, but I knew better than to start anything myself, Macgonegall is right, I shouldn't allow him to do exactly as he wants, I should be careful, but if I do get the chance, I'm not going to let it go, I'm going to be smart about it, I'll find a weakness, one little fault of his and I'll exploit it until I get what I want, the same way that bastard did with my parents, but I'll go even lower if it takes, I'll make him regret it, I'll do anything to make him regret it.

I woke up the next day to find a little puddle of presents next to my bed, Ginny was already up and opening hers. "Are you sure you got them for me and not for you to borrow later?" Said Ginny waving one of the few hair ties I had gotten her.

"I can get it for two reasons," I said as I started unwrapping her gift for me, it was a quill with a note that said 'Put it in your school bag not on your nightstand you dork'

"You're not funny, but cheers," I said putting the quill on my nightstand and opening the rest of the presents, I took out Mrs Weasley's sweater, it was sky blue with a little E on one side of the chest, I put it on and shoved one of her biscuits in my mouth as I looked through the rest, Sarah got me a key lime green ink (for some reason) and Conan got me a box of chocolate frogs. When we went down to the common room, we found Harry, Ron and Hermione arguing about something.

"Keep your stupid cat away" bellowed Ron.

"Forget about your coward rat, Ron," bellowed Hermione back, "Harry, you have to make sure that thing is safe"

"It's safe, Hermione, there's nothing wrong with it, just let me have this" argued Harry.

"As much as I hate to stop this very interesting fight, you're too loud, what happened?" I asked, trying to hide my smile and failing.

"She started, her stupid cat-"

"It's mine, who cares who got it"

Said both Harry and Ron at the same time, pointing accusing fingers at Hermione.

"Harry got a Firebolt for Christmas and there's no note that says who sent it and I think it might be dangerous"

"You got a what," said Ginny, her eyes wide, "can I see it"

Harry, Ron and Ginny sprinted upstairs to take another look at the Firebolt as I stood with Hermione staring at the staircase.

"Do you think Black sent it?" I asked cautiously.

"You know about that?" Asked Hermione surprised. I nodded, "it seems like it, I mean who else would get him something that expensive and why" continued Hermione furrowing her eyebrows.

"Well then tell him something, he can't fly on that thing, that's the stupidest most dangerous thing ever"

"I did, I keep telling him, but he won't listen to me" said Hermione exasperated.

"Idiots" I whispered furiously, "so what do we do, do we take it?"

Hermione sighed, "No, I'll take care of it, I don't think they'll like it though"

A few days later I went to the library trying to look for some spell I could use to take off the ink from the crossed-off item on the Black-Potter to-do list, I had tried some of the basic ones but nothing had worked, even after everything I found out, that little thing still bothered me. And I was too anxious to show it to Professor McGonagall, I wasn't sure why though.

I loved the library in the holidays, it was always deserted, just me and the books, but this time it wasn't absolutely deserted, Hermione was passed out on one of the tables with about five or six books open in front of her, I took a peek at them, they were all about... werewolves! Why was Hermione reading that much about werewolves? Then I noticed something else, a necklace she was wearing, it was circular and looked really familiar, I knew that shape, I'd seen it somewhere but I couldn't place it.

I gently rested my hand on Hermione's shoulder trying to shake her awake, she let a sharp breath in and her eyes flew open.

"What happened? Am I late?" She said in panic.

"No, no, calm down, it's just me"

"Oh... Hi, Emma" she said yawning and rubbing her eyes.

"Why are you locked up in here researching werewolves?"

"It's nothing I just want to know more about it"

"Come on, just because Scarface and Gingerbread Head are not talking to you, doesn't mean you should stay cooped up in the libr... Wait" Suddenly, I recognized where I saw Hermione's necklace, I read about it last year in Gilroy Lockhart's book, his books mostly had more pictures than words, and there was a whole chapter about that, "Hermione... Is that a time-turner?"

"WHAT?! Oh, no, no it's just modelled after one that's all" she said hiding it in her clothes hastily.

"Why do you have a time turner? ... HOW do you have a time turner?"

"It's not, it's not a time turner, Emma, it's just a necklace"

"I literally just saw it, Hermione"

"Saw what?" She said raising her shoulders like it was nothing.

"That won't work on me, Hermione, come on, tell me, are you in trouble?"

"I wasn't... But I am now" she said putting her head in her hands.

"I won't tell anyone, I promise," I said sincerely taking a seat next to her.

"I shouldn't, how stupid am I to just leave it hanging out like that" She looked extremely stressed.

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry, I won't ask you about it and I haven't seen anything," I said trying to calm her down, as much as I wanted to know, I trusted Hermione to take care of anything she's facing.

"No, it's okay, it's done, but you have to promise me not to tell anyone"

"You have my word, I promise I won't tell anyone," I said genuinely.

She told me all about her crazy school schedule and everything she did to keep up with it.

"Listen, Hermione, I trust your judgement on almost everything, honestly, sometimes I think you're the only sane person I know, but I have to say, I don't think that was a good decision"

"But it was my only choice to be able to take all the subjects I want"

"Why would you take all those subjects, though, I know they're interesting, but from what I heard divination is lousy and I'm sure you can let go of at least one other subject"

"But I don't want to let it go yet, I might be the first student to ever take all those subjects in Hogwarts"

"I understand, but according to my understanding, the time turner rewinds the time, but it doesn't rewind your energy, you'll exhaust yourself, your sleep schedule is not going to withstand that, and neither will your nervous system"

"I'm not pushing that hard though, it's just a few extra hours I'm adding to my day, I've been figuring it out until now, haven't I?"

"Well then, I think you'd be okay, but don't stress yourself too much"

"Don't worry about it, but listen, I promised the minister and Professor McGonagall not to tell anyone, so you never so that, Emma, it's really important, I can get in so much trouble for revealing it"

"I'll keep it to myself, don't worry"

Hermione smiled, she seemed to have been bursting to tell someone that for ages, she looked really tired, I'm glad I can help even though I think her plan is mad.

"So... Why are you researching werewolves again?"

"I suspect something, you can help me look into it, but don't tell either Ron or Harry, I'm punishing them by not letting them know that"