The Archer~ Taylor Swift
26th of August 1987
I stared at the yellowish darkness in front of me, obscuring my vision, only a minute beam of light sneaked its way from under the yellow fabric. The strong smell of dust sneaked its way through my nostrils, but I just let my eyes water as I held in a sneeze. I didn't want to make any sound, didn't want anyone to realize I was here, sneaking in very shallow breaths.
It's my birthday, I just turned... I stretched my tiny hands in the darkness and counted, four, five... I whispered the numbers under my breath... Six! That's how old I am, I have to use both hands to show it now, not that anyone would ever ask, they never do. I held my breath as I heard four sets of steps making their way to the front door.
"Ohh my little Diddykins is so old now" I heard the shrill voice of my aunt as the front door swung open.
Other than today being my birthday it was the first day of school, that's my second year of primary school and I hated last year, I was determined not to go this time, that's why I was hiding under the sofa.
"But Aunt Petunia we can't go right now, where's-" I heard Harry say anxiously.
"Stop talking so much, boy, you'll go when we say so" barked Uncle Vernon before Harry could finish his sentence.
"But we can't leave-"
"I said shut it, boy, if you don't get into the car right now, I'll make you walk there"
"I can't find-"
"Now I say"
I let out a breath when I heard the front door close, they didn't notice I was missing, I heard Aunt Petunia go back into the kitchen and wondered if it was too risky to sneak back into my closet, it probably was. So I stayed there counting my fingers, making sure of how old I was, trying to remember how six is spelt, trying decided if I spell my name with one M or two, I like how it looked with two, I wish it ended with an E too, it would look so symmetrical. I listened to Aunt Petunia clean the house and cook and gossip with the neighbours at the front door and then gossip about those neighbours to herself when they were gone. And I just stayed put. After hours and hours of staying static under the sofa, I heard the front door open again, Harry and Dudley were back from school, alongside Uncle Vernon, I braced myself for them realizing I wasn't in school all day and tried to find me, but nothing happened.
Harry still wasn't given the chance to say a complete sentence and was locked in his cupboard. No one noticed, no one ever noticed me. Not unless I make some trouble, not unless I make enough noise, not unless I do a bad enough damage. I wanted to make some noise, I wanted them to realize their fault, realize they forgot about me, I wanted to scream loud enough for them to remember me, but something in me said that it didn't matter, I could scream or cry or yell but no one would notice, no one ever did, no one ever will.
28th of December 1993
"You think Professor Lupin is a Werewolf?!" I asked, wide-eyed.
"I think there's a couple of owls flying by the astronomy tower that haven't heard you yet," said Hermione sarcastically.
"I'm sorry," I said lowering my voice "but, what makes you think that, is it just because of his scars? Because there's a lot of other things that might have given him those"
"It's not just the scars," said Hermione taking a notebook out from under one of the books on the table "Look at this, every time I write my notes for a lesson, I write the date of the day, look this lesson was the first one I wrote with Snape giving the lecture instead of Lupin, you can see here I wrote (professor Snape) under the lesson's title because then I know that I have to ask Lupin some questions about it later, see here it says 30th of November"
"What does that mean?" I asked, confused, she took what looked like a calendar from under another big book.
"See that's a moon chart, look at that, 29th of November it was a full moon, which means that he would be too tired to show up for class"
"Do you think that's enough though? It might have just been a coincidence"
"Yes, but look, the 30th of October was also a full moon, he didn't show up to the Halloween feast the next day"
"Wait... " I said as the realization hit me "We had a defence lesson that day, it was taught by Snape"
"See, that's what I'm saying, but it doesn't stop here, I've noticed he'd been carrying really heavy stuff during lessons without even realizing it or breaking a sweat, most wizards levitate everything without even trying and werewolves are known to have physical strength, not supernatural, but the strength they gain from transformations, see it says it right here," she said pointing at a specific paragraph in one of the books "and also, you mentioned the scars, I know they're not a prove themselves, but you have to admit, they look a little unusual, they fade into a faint silver instead of the normal faint red"
As Hermione said that, I remembered something, the scars were just slightly unusual, and I felt like I'd seen them before.
"Give me a second," I said and got up hastily, I went towards the healing section in the library and reached for the book I wanted, it was thick and heavy, I carried it back to the table where Hermione made a place for it between the rest of the books.
"I've looked through this book trying to figure out anything about Harry's scar, like why it hurts when you-know-who is near or why it glows sometimes," I said, opening the book and rummaging through it for the page I want "it talks about all kind of scars and what caused them, look"
I showed Hermione the page with the scars caused by a werewolf, it had a moving picture and sure enough, it was almost the same thing as Professor Lupin's, we stared at each other in shock.
"What does that mean?" I asked Hermione, hoping she understood it a bit more than I did "Is... Is he dangerous?"
"No," said Hermione confidently, "Werewolves are only dangerous on the full moon, and even then if you lock them up or give them a wolfsbane potion, it will be perfectly fine, besides, Dumbledore wouldn't have hired him if he thought there was any danger on the students, would he?"
I nodded and let out a relieved breath, I didn't want to lose Professor Lupin. I was slowly growing to idolize him, I don't think we'll ever have a better defence teacher if he leaves, I didn't know that much about werewolves, but something in me trusted Lupin even more than Dumbledore, he won't put us in danger, I know that.
"We have to keep our mouths shut about it though, if the Slytherins know about it, it would be over for him, especially Malfoy" said Hermione hastily.
"You're right, let's keep it to ourselves," I said as I picked up a few books off the table to put them back on the shelves, "now come on, have some fun before you have to go back to your crazy time travelling schedule"
Soon, everyone was back and we restarted the lessons and everyone was back. I saw Diaz in Charms for the first time since our fight, even though he was staying in Hogwarts for the holidays and I knew he was, but apparently, he was avoiding me, and honestly, I caught myself doing the same.
Our competitive little game had turned into pure vengeance, every time I beat him to a question I could see the deep hate in his eyes, I felt the same, sometimes I just stared at him and imagined him dying in horrible ways, I was studying harder than I've ever done before because I didn't want to see myself lose to him, not even in one lesson, I didn't want to see the triumphant gleam in his eyes that makes me want to gouge them out.
The uplifting mood that was caused by the holidays was intensified by the upcoming Gryffindor vs Ravenclaw match, I hadn't gone to the Gryffindor vs Hufflepuff match because I had a particularly painful period that month even painkilling potions weren't helping that much, I was disappointed at first because I wanted to support... Harry... I wanted to support Harry and not the unbelievably handsome Hufflepuff seeker, obviously, and I also had a bet going on with Conan. But later I learned what happened with the Dementors and was glad I wasn't there, I didn't want to feel the way Dementors made me feel again. Thr mere memory of the coldness spreading through me and the voices taking control of my mind was bone chilling.
So now, I was unusually excited about the upcoming match, I worried a little about the Dementors but Dumbledore had assured us that it wouldn't happen again, so I enjoyed the genuine euphoria and excitement until it was the day of the match.
Everything was going well, we were in the lead by a lot, the Ravenclaw seeker wasn't able to mirror the speed of Harry's Firebolt, she just kept trying to follow him around to stop him from getting the snitch if he saw it, which was for Harry's advantage because I knew he couldn't catch the snitch until we had a good amount of points to restore the points we lost in the Hufflepuffs match, so if he saw the snitch he can just go another way and she'll follow him.
I was so proud of Gryffindor chasers, especially Angelina, she scored so fast sometimes you can't even see her.
It all went alright until something happened. We had collected what I think is enough point difference, Harry seemed to be actually looking for the snitch now and not just deluding Chang, but suddenly, three Dementors showed up on the pitch, they seemed to be looking up at Harry, my heart fell, what's happening? I thought Dementors couldn't come in the grounds anymore, I thought Dumbledore banned them. I was glad I was far enough in the stands not to be affected by them, I got up, trying to get to the staff stands, but before I got there Harry cast a spell... The Patronus charm, I recognized it, that's very advanced magic, very advanced, I had only barely read about it, I've never actually seen it. The Dementors looked like they ran away instantly... Ran, not floated away, ran with legs, what's happening? But I couldn't comprehend it fast enough because Harry caught the snitch, the crowds erupted with cheers, we won.
"Ginny, did we get enough points to not lose the cup?" I asked loudly so she could hear me.
"YES," she said yelling at the top of her lungs. We all got down to the pitch to greet the team, and that was where we found out that the three Dementors, weren't even Dementors at all, they were Malfoy and his two baffoons in long dark cloaks and hoods, and they were being greeted by a furious professor Macgonegall and for me, that was far more enjoyable than the whole Gryffindor victory (don't tell anyone I said that).
The celebration party went on very late, everyone was extremely happy and celebrating, Fred and George knew how to keep a party going, not that the rest of us needed any encouragement.
All was happy Except for Hermione, she was sitting in a corner with several books opened in front of her, she looked on the verge of a breakdown, she seemed to always look that way these days. she had been even more and more stressed and lonely. First, Harry and Ron weren't talking to her because she got the Firebolt confiscated, and then it was because Ron thinks Crookshanks ate Scabbers, I liked Crookshanks but I didn't want to be on Ron's temper's receiving end, so I didn't take sides, but I didn't like seeing Hermione like that, knowing how much she's already stressing herself with studying.
I took a few honydukes sweets for her and went and sat next to her.
"Hermione" I whispered so she didn't get startled, she did nonetheless.
"What?! Oh, Emma, don't sneak up on me like that" she said in a high-pitched voice, I took a closer look at her, her eyes were red and sleepless and her hair was bushier than usual.
"Are you okay?" I asked anxiously, I didn't want her to think I thought she looked tired, even though she did.
"Sure, sure," she said absentmindedly as she wrote a few more lines in the essay in front of her and checked the book back.
"Stop, stop," I said and snatched her quill out of her hand "You're killing yourself, just drop a few subjects, Hermione, please"
She struggled to get her quill back, we had an awkward mini-wrestling match until she finally caved.
"I can't drop anything, what did I do all that for if I'm going to drop them?! No I can do it, I'm doing it, I'm alright," she said the last part more to herself, "Now give me my quill, I have to do this, what would I do instead anyway, no one is talking to me, that's perfect, I just have to focus"
"I'm talking to you right now, Hermione I'm worried about you" I said, still keeping her quill out of her reach. She sighed, reached for her school bag got out another quill, and just started writing again. I sighed giving up and put her old one on the table, which she didn't even notice.
With great difficulty, I pulled Harry out of the celebrations and took him aside.
"Go and fix things with Hermione, right, now"
"What? That's none of your-"
"I'm not going to repeat myself, Potter, look at her!"
He stared at Hermione's direction and looked down guiltily.
"I'll talk to her, just stay out of it," he said and went in her direction.
The party was forcefully shut down by a sleepless Professor McGonagall, I fell asleep way too easily after all the excitement of the day only to wake up a couple of hours later because of some noise downstairs, I was still dazed trying to understand if the shouting was a dream or not when Professor McGonagall's voice registered in my head and woke my senses up, something was wrong downstairs.
"That's Ron's voice" I heard Ginny say and then she stormed downstairs, I started following her then went back, pulled a still asleep Sarah off her bed and went down the stairs still supporting her, something was wrong, something was very wrong.
"Ask him!" said Ron, pointing a shaking finger at the back of Sir Cadogan's picture. "Ask him if he saw-"
I heard Ron yell as I reached the crowd around him.
"What? Saw what?" I asked but no one answered me, everyone was looking between Professor McGonagall and Sir Cadogan.
"Sir Cadogan, did you just let a man enter Gryffindor Tower?" Professor McGonagall asked about the portrait.
"Certainly, good lady!" cried Sir Cadogan. There was a stunned silence, both inside and outside the common room.
"You - you did?" said Professor McGonagall.
"But - but the password!"
"He had 'em!" said Sir Cadogan proudly. "Had the whole week's, my lady! Read 'em off a little piece of paper!"
"What man?!" I asked exasperated.
"Sirius Black," said Ron.
I sat between Sarah and Hermione with my head in my hands, all Gryffindors were sitting in the common room in silence for what I think is the first time, the anxiety and tension filled the air, and the only sound was Neville's faint sobs that echoed in the room from time to time.
He got in, he got in again and this time he was so close, so close, he got as far as his dorm, if he hadn't gotten the wrong bed, if Ron didn't wake up and scream, if...
I couldn't even fathom what could have happened. I straightened and looked in Harry's direction, he and Ron were sitting side by side, his hand on Ron's shoulder, I didn't want to fall into my crippling panic right now, not again.
What I didn't always admit to myself is why Sirius Black's existence scared me as much as it infuriated me, it's because I can't lose him, I can't lose Harry, what will I do, who will I even be without any trickle of blood that binds me to this world. And I know it sounds selfish, most of my thoughts do, but I really can't lose him, I just can't, I can't let Black take him from me the same way he took my parents, not again, I just can't let him. My intense hate towards black quadrupled, it was so strong I couldn't breathe, I wanted him dead, I wanted to take that knife he was going to use and drive it straight into his heart.
He's the reason I'm like this
He's the reason I had to grow up with the Dursleys
He's the reason I don't know anything real about my parents
He took everything from me, everything.
And now he wants to take Harry too, wants to take any last comfort I have in life and leave me floating aimlessly, leave me with nothing, leave me to be nothing. I can't let him, I won't let him, I felt so useless, so helpless, but I can't let him.
At dawn, when the faintest ray of sunlight made its way through the common room's window, Professor McGonagall made her way back into the silent dreading room and announced that Black had managed to escape once again. Groans and sighs of relief filled the common room, which sounded odd after hours of silence, a few people went up to their dorm while a few others just rested their heads on any chair and dosed off.
The attack has restated the panic and darkness around Hogwarts, people were talking about it all the time, and other houses were making up details that didn't even happen. While some other people were getting suspicious about Black constantly attacking the Gryffindor tower only, given that Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff had almost as many muggle-borns, some even caught on to the fact that he was probably after Harry and were blaming him for the danger he caused. Because you know the Hogwarts slogan,
'When in doubt, blame Harry Potter!'
After the attack I felt completely helpless, I didn't know how I could stop any upcoming attack or if I could, it made me useless, which led me to obsess about the little things I did know, I was looking through books that talked about the Fidelius Charm, I also kept trying to find spells that might help me figure out the crossed off item in the train to-do-list. No matter what revealing or vanishing spell I used, nothing worked and I had to be very careful with it because if I used the wrong spell, it might tear the whole thing apart or light it on fire.
Other than that, I kept watching and studying Professor Lupin, whenever I saw him I noticed more and more signs that Hermione's theory was right. Once you realize it, it's all as bright as the sun, his absences all lined up with the full moon dates.
I also realized that Lupin wasn't that careful in hiding those signs, he'd constantly carry relatively heavy things instead of levitating them, and he wouldn't always hide his scars very well. That worried me because I was sure if someone else figured it out, especially a Slytherin, they wouldn't keep it a secret.
Those doubts were confirmed after the next transfiguration lesson, Diaz made a couple of comments that got me fuming, I was more angry that he was right, I hadn't been able to study as much as I used to because I was so obsessed with my research about werewolves, Charms and revealing spells.
"Well I heard you were failing at Defence against the dark arts, so don't act so high and mighty," I said trying to defend myself
"I'm sure you're great at Defence, someone like you would definitely exel while being associated with such creatures"
And then he strolled off the classroom with a smirk.
I stood rooted in place as I tried to understand his words properly, creatures? what did he mean? Does he know? I wouldn't put it past him, he might be a complete wanker but he's smart, I know he is, what if he knows? But if he does, why would he keep it a secret? Why would he protect Lupin? Maybe he's just waiting for proof, maybe he just found out and is going to tell everyone, or maybe I'm overthinking it, he could just be trying to piss me off like he always does
I thought about it for a second and made a decision, I had to warn him, so he could at least try and hide it better.
After dinner, I made my way to Professor Lupin's office, determined, I had to warn him, I can never trust someone like Diaz to keep it if he knows and the last thing I wanted is for Lupin to leave, I didn't know how this conversation would go, I tried to sort out sentences in my head, but we both know that never works.
Too soon I found myself at the door, I took a deep breath, I have to do this, for his sake, If Lupin leaves because of that I'll always blame myself.
I knocked
"Yes?" Lupin's voice came as the door swung open, "Emma, is everything okay?"
He was sitting behind his desk, a worried smile on his face as he looked up at me, his office as cluttered as ever, piles of books, he had a few open in front of him. I hesitated, I had to, I forced words out of my mouth
"I know," I said, all the training in my head and what comes out? I know.
"You know?!" He got up, and stared at me, the worry and anxiety on his face had doubled, he looked positively panicked, but I could see in his eyes he knew what I meant "who... Who told you?"
"No one, I figured it out"
"You... You figured it out?" Now he looked more confused than ever, he ran his hand through his hair "How did you figure out that I'm your Godfather?"
"WHAT?" The question escaped my tongue, my voice higher than usual, and my eyes went wide as I stared at him in shock.
"W... What did you... What did you mea—"
I turned around and left before he could finish his sentence.
The world seemed blurry as I made my way through the castle, my mind was foggy. What is happening to the world?! It seems like every time I catch a breath I turn around and there's another surprise waiting for me, another lie I have to unravel. What does it mean? Why is it all happening all of a sudden?
I stopped for a second, rested my hand on the wall and caught my breath, I needed to clear my head and think straight, I ran my hand through my hair and then started walking again, slower this time, stopping had felt too much, like my overthinking would have to much control over me if I keep still, I had to move,
keep moving.
I began reviewing the little information I knew and welding it together. Professor McGonagall had told me that Black is Harry's Godfather, this had got me thinking about who mine is and where he was but I didn't dwell on the subject because it didn't seem that important at the time. Lupin had told me that he knew my mom, he said they were friends at school, were they that close? Did he know my Dad that well? Did he know Black? I don't know anything, every time I assume I got it I realize I hadn't gotten anything, I found my legs had led me to the Gryffindor tower, I looked up at the fat lady portrait who had retaken her place from Sir Cadogan after the attack. I decided I didn't want to go in, I turned around and continued walking around, security had been tightened all over the castle so I couldn't get out even though it wasn't curfew hours yet. So I just kept walking all around, back and forth, my mind racing twice as fast, the world spinning and I'm spinning on my own, the stairs change direction while I'm on them and I don't care, I just keep going to wherever it led me, floating, aimlessly, because I don't know, because I'm constantly lied to because I don't know, I don't know how to feel, I don't know how to understand anything, I don't know.
I made my way back to Lupin's office, it was almost curfew but I didn't care, I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep like this anyway, the door was open as I had left it, but he was still sitting at his desk with his head in his hands.
"I'm sorry I stormed out," I said very quietly, I wasn't sorry, but I needed answers. He looked up at me, his eyes slightly wide, his face looked like it got older in the one hour that I left, and he looked extremely tired.
"It's okay, can you... Can you please sit down"
I nodded and sat down by the desk, he stared at me like he couldn't believe I had came back.
"Do you want some tea?" He asked anxiously.
"No," I said firmly, even though tea did sound like a good idea "I want to understand"
"Of course you do" he took a deep breath, "here's what happened"
"When I was young your dad and I were friends, we were—"
"And Black?" I asked raising my eyebrows, he sighed again, it seemed like he was getting even more tired by the sentence.
"Yes... And Black, the three of us were friends alongside Peter Pettigrew, ever since my fi—"
"Isn't that the one Black killed?"
"Yes, and please stop interrupting me," he said exasperated, it seemed like telling this story was consuming a lot of his energy, so I nodded.
"So, when we were in our first year the four of us made some kind of friend group, the three of them helped me a lot through... Everything... I assume that if you didn't know I'm your Godfather you came to tell me you know I'm a Werewolf right?"
I nodded
"Well, your father was also pretty smart, he figured it out almost as fast, I tried to hide it, and make up excuses, but it didn't work, eventually, my friends found out, and I figured they'd desert me or tell everyone... Or both. But they didn't. James kept saying that it doesn't change who I am, he was mad I lied, but he wasn't mad about who I am and that's how all four of us became even closer. Later I became closer to your mother too. Lily wasn't a fan of our friend group but we were good friends"
"So, when James and Lily got married, the four of us were still as close as ever, even through the war, everyone was running and hiding, no one trusted even their closest peers, it was dark days, people were scared. There were more and more Voldemort supporters every day, once the death eaters found someone useful, they'll hunt that person down and if they didn't cooperate, either they'll force them to or they'll kill them. And through all this, we kept each other, James trusted the three of us more than anyone and when Harry was born, he made Sirius his Godfather. And then a year later, when you were born, they made me your Godfather, but I didn't get to see you that much because shortly after you were born, Dumbledore said all four of you have to hide, he said all of you have to be protected, that it's not safe. They did, they cast the Fidelius charm, no one would be able to see or find the house unless they know where it is. James chose Sirius to be his secret keeper and they went into hiding. Well... Sirius wasn't as trustworthy as they thought he was" he stopped talking for a second, he seemed to have said the last line more to himself than to me. I almost stopped being mad at him at that moment, he looked broken, like twelve years weren't enough for him to get over it or even come to terms with everything that happened.
"After Voldemort was gone, the first one to get there was Black. Fortunately Hagrid came and took Harry from him before he could hurt him, but... There were three dark marks above the house, dark marks were used by death eaters to mark the place every time they killed, so when Hagrid found three of them and Harry was alive, he thought you had died too"
I was so engaged in the story that I almost asked, "And was I?" But realized how extremely stupid that question was.
I furrowed my eyebrows, I thought Hagrid had got me and Harry to Privet Drive.
I thought back to the first time we saw Hagrid, he had said that the last time he saw Harry he was just a baby, he said nothing about me, I just assumed we got there together.
"Then... Who sent me to my Aunt?"
"I did" he finally met my eyes, I was still confused but didn't argue "Hagrid didn't look, he took Harry and left, fortunately, neither did Black, he also thought you were dead. When the muggle police arrived, they found the bodies and searched the house, but apparently, Lily had managed to put a protective charm on the room she had put you to sleep in earlier, which is unusual because she didn't have her wand on her when Voldemort arrived... She must've... She must've had a feeling and decided to cast it. So the muggle police couldn't open the door, they left it for later investigating and left... I found out about what happened a day later, I went back to Godrics Hollow and when I went into your room I was shocked to find you, eyes wide in your crib you were very thin and sick, unable to move, very shallow breath, almost dying, but you were still alive... And awake"
I stared at him, my eyes wide and glassy, a million questions on the tip of my mouth.
"I don't know how" he answered an unasked question "It's a miracle... A two-months-old, alone for more than a day, locked in a room, but alive, no one had any explanations for how you survived, not even Dumbledore" when he looked at me he seemed on the verge of tears too, like he couldn't believe I was sitting here Infront of him, I swallowed a bitter taste in my mouth.
"The weird thing is" he said taking his eyes off me and staring down at the desk "ever since you were born you were a very noisy baby, you cried way more and louder than Harry did. But that night, not a sound, nothing, Hagrid, Sirius, the muggle police, none of them heard you, non of them suspected you were alive or existed, if you would have just made any noise, of you would've cried out—"
"It wouldn't have mattered" I whispered bitterly under my breath, I had to hold my hands together to stop them from shaking, somehow, it felt familiar to be forgotten and it felt familiar not to act upon it and it felt familiar to lose hope.
"What?" Asked Lupin, I'm glad he didn't hear what I said.
"Nothing"
Absolutely nothing