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Scheduled for Friday
by Anton M.
16: World Felt Smaller
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Tuesday, January 24 (cont.)
It was only after I'd escaped into the schoolhouse from the near-freezing but sunny morning that I realized I'd forgotten to tell my parents that Alice was sick with the flu. I couldn't stay over at her place.
Way to ruin their night, dumbass.
I'd texted a bit with Alice but the poor thing was clearly out of it, and I was just trying to come up with a plan B that didn't involve staying at my mom's mother when I came to a stop by the landing of a staircase. In beautifully fitting blue jeans and his new hoodie, Edward had his back to me, but I'd know those shoulders and that buzz cut anywhere.
His hands were on Lauren's neck as they kissed against the wall, and I felt like an elephant whacked his foot against my chest and knocked the breath out of me. I stumbled backwards into students and whispered half-assed apologies when Lauren opened her eyes and smiled at me.
Victoriously.
I felt sick.
Edward hesitated when Lauren paused, but she pulled him into another kiss as I backed out of the staircase, out of their sight and into the hallway. Blood whooshed in my ears. I felt like Lauren pulled a drain stopper out of my heel, like from a bathtub, and smiled triumphantly as blood drained out of me.
Fine. He doesn't want me. He wants you. You win.
A guy smacked into me, absent-mindedly taking hold of my elbow before his eyes fell on my face.
"Holy shit, dude. You okay?"
He had black straight hair in a pony tail, grey eyes, and square glasses. I tried to offer a reassuring smile but he nudged me to the side of the corridor next to a window sill.
"Sit down, okay?" he said, straightening. "Carmen? Carmen! I need you to dip into some of your candy stash." He caught the candy before holding a miniature Kit Kat in front of my face. "Eat. You'll feel better."
Not thinking much of it, I took the wafer bar.
"I'm Peter," he continued. "Carmen's sister has diabetes, so she always has a stash with her. You okay?"
I could feel more than see Edward and Lauren exiting the staircase. Edward's dog-eared sneakers confirmed that it was them, and I dared to look high enough to understand that they were holding hands but not so high as to see him look at her the way I wished he'd look at me.
Having just passed us, they stopped in a silent discussion. I could feel Edward's eyes on myself but Peter tilted his head sharply towards the rest of the hallway and Lauren pulled Edward away. I would've given anything to see Edward's expression (except for actually looking). I didn't dare to show him my face, and I wasn't ready to see pity or concern in his.
"Take a pick, dude." Peter sat next to me on the floor, elbows on his knees, now understanding the state he found me in. "So you're that girl, huh."
I was that girl.
"Never understood the appeal of Lauren," he continued. "Girl knows all the right things to say but when you challenge her on anything it's like independent thought has never been discovered. And what kind of dude gets Zendaya and then cheats on her with Gwyneth Paltrow, anyway?"
I laughed because if I didn't, I would've cried.
"He didn't cheat," I said quietly.
"Semantics," he replied, pausing, looking at my face. "Eat. You won't feel better but at least it tastes nice."
He was right. I thanked him before the guy and his friends left for AP Microeconomics on the other side of the building, and I fought the stifling weight compressing my chest as I put on a brave face for the rest of the day. It was exhausting, having to act at school, but I didn't want to be seen as the pathetic sophomore simping over a guy who clearly wasn't into her, so I didn't really have a choice.
I did not just avoid Edward and Lauren, I actively avoided them, and one time when I saw Edward headed towards me, alone, (not having noticed me yet,) I backed away into the bathroom until he was gone. Maybe he wasn't looking for me, maybe he wouldn't have even acknowledged my existence, but I couldn't take the risk of having to play nice today. I wasn't in the mood. Instead, I began to question why I insisted on going to high school in the first place, and it was a day that dragged on like no other.
Alice wasn't there. Jane, too, had fallen sick, and while I had a few classes with Skylar and Kate, nothing felt the same without Alice, and I felt… lonely. I felt like I was watching the day from above, like a doll schoolhouse, hiding the lump in my throat and stuck in a world where everyone paired off into cutesy couples and I drew the short stick for being into a guy who only had eyes for his much prettier classmate.
I had friends, but save for acting, I wasn't good at anything in particular, and would anyone have really missed me if I just quit and did the whole homeschool-combined-with-studying-on-set thing?
To top it off, I received a C in my after-school test in Physical Sciences (I thought it would be easier than Physics) and a C- in Biology. Not AP Biology. Not fancy IB Biology SL. Regular, plain Biology. Maybe they'd put Certified Stupid on my High School Diploma.
If I made it that far.
It was ten minutes to six PM and just above fifty degrees as I curled up on a bench in the distant side of the parking lot, wrapped in my mom's scarf and my warm but dangerously white coat. I felt weirdly removed from the students leaving the schoolhouse in the setting sun. The last school bus heading for my subdivision stopped and ptsshh-ed on the side of the road, and I contemplated if I should finally call my parents to let them know I was about to ruin their night.
Was I the daughter of the year or what?
I kept postponing my call because I kept hoping that some magical solution would emerge that would give me another place to spend the night, but I really didn't want to call up my granny, and as great as they were, I was in no mood to be social with Skylar or Kate.
Moments later, Edward rounded the corner, backpack slung on one shoulder, and it was funny how I could now recognize his walk from a distance. I'd seen his motorcycle, so I'd made sure to sit far away from it, but I froze in my spot when he walked straight past it and kept walking. Had he seen me?
No, my dumbass self forgot to check the color and brand of the motorcycle in his spot, and Jasper had said that Edward sometimes parked after that patch of grass over there. And, sure enough, there was a bike not too far from me.
Fuck me.
I didn't dare breathe too loud as he approached, hoping he wouldn't notice me, but the sun hadn't quite set yet, so when he straddled his bike, kicked the side stand in its place and lifted his helmet to put it on, his eyes, of course, fell on me.
He lowered his helmet, hesitating.
"Bella?"
Kill me now.
He set the bike back on its side stand, dropped his bag next to his motorcycle and walked up to me. I squeezed my scarf tighter around me, watching him approach, too tired to hide the fact that I'd been crying.
"What're you still doing here?"
Crying. Drowning in self-pity. Hoping that a miracle occurred and I'd have a magical way of giving my parents just one night without me that they deserved.
I could've pretended to be fine but it took energy to act, and I was too tired to care. So what if he found out I was a pathetic sophomore who had a hopeless crush on him? It's not like it would change anything. He'd probably just get frustrated and be all, 'How many times do I have to reject you before you get it through your thick skull that I do not like you?'
Fun.
So much fun.
Edward zipped up his jacket before he sat next to me. He had such an attractive presence to him—sharp jaw, focused eyes, curved lips—that butterflies sprung alive in my stomach when our eyes met. I ached to be near him, to straddle his lap and kiss him, but I also wanted to kick him in the balls and shake him until his crush on Lauren fell out. Unable to decide which one I wanted more, I licked my lips and said nothing.
"You okay?" he asked, quietly, no doubt noticing my teary eyes.
My lip fucking wobbled before I hid my mouth in my scarf and swallowed the tightness in my throat.
"No," I replied, voice small.
His mouth fell open, just slightly, because it must've been a tragedy for someone to say no to that question, and I realized maybe he'd counted on me saying yes so that he could have plausible deniability to leave.
"It's okay," I corrected quickly. "You can go."
His concerned eyes pored over my balled-up body before his rough voice cut through the air.
"Did someone—?"
"No!" I interrupted. "No. Nothing like that."
Internal bleeding only.
He scooted just a bit closer, crossing his ankle over his knee, leaning forward. He tilted his head on the side and touched my knee with his knuckles, drawing my attention, and I couldn't quite tell the expression in his eyes but it made me feel like unzipping my heart and hugging him with it.
"What happened?" he asked in a near-whisper, as if scared to push me.
I let out a shaky breath, smiling in spite of myself. What was that people-pleasing thing where you couldn't even be sad without wanting to reassure others that you're okay?
It sucked.
"I think I'll drop out of school."
He flinched back in surprise.
"What?!"
"It's okay," I whispered, taken aback by his emotion. "I'm not really good at much, anyway." I huff-laughed. At this point? Whatever. Let him know I was stupid. "I kind of suck, actually. Nothing would really change for anyone if I didn't show up at school tomorrow."
Except mom would be pissed.
Edward seemed to be in shock, almost horrified, as if the mere thought should've been illegal. He leaned forward, intertwining his fingers, his disbelieving, calculating eyes searching mine.
"Did something happen?"
You. You happened.
"I just suck at everything," I whispered, swallowing back the weight of the day. "Almost failed in Biology. And then in Physical Sciences. And then Alice has the flu and I hate school without her, and I have to take the bus home and call my parents to let them know they can't have a single night without me yapping away about my fake problems. I'm just—" I took a breath. "I'm just having a bad day."
Edward paused, listening to my verbal diarrhea leaning against the back of the bench. We both squinted when a streetlamp blasted its light on us, and I felt all afloat when he absent-mindedly drew his knuckles along my shin. I wasn't sure he realized he was doing it.
"It's not true," he said, quietly, an intangible edge in his voice. "It's not true that nothing would change if you didn't show up. I would notice." He pressed his lips together in a tight, almost bittersweet smile. "A lot of people would, judging by how I went from being largely ignored to the most hated senior in school in the span of a few days."
I let out a small laugh, and Edward's smile reached his eyes.
"I know you have a budding career on the side," he continued, like a smart, I-have-seen-the-world senior. "It must be tempting to throw school away, and I'm not saying you're not a good actress but… there's a lot of luck involved. It doesn't work out for everyone."
It already had, but I couldn't tell him that. Statistically, he was correct.
"Did you speak to my mom?" I asked. "That's what she would say."
"Sounds like a smart mom."
I lifted my chin out of my scarf as I smiled, this time for real. I nearly disintegrated when he bit his lower lip as his eyes lingered on my lips.
"I'll tutor you," he said, surreal words rushing out of his mouth that covered me in goosebumps and made me want to hide, all at once.
"You don't have to," I reassured, already dreading how distracted I'd be by his sheer presence.
"I'm pretty good," he defended, clenching his jaw as he searched my expression. Quietly, he said, "You can't drop out of school, Bella. I won't allow you."
"You won't allow me?"
"I won't," he said, sharply. "Not if I can help it. I'll tutor you."
"What if your girlfriend kills me? I'm too young to die."
His belly laughter filled me with warmth.
"C'mon," he said, holding out his hand when he stood up. "I'll have to make a call and then my evening's free."
I took his hand, unfolding myself, groaning as I stretched. Edward wore a strange, guarded expression when I was done.
"Thank you but no thank you," I replied. "It's very sweet of you but I'll survive, and I'd rather die than spend another second on what I was tested on today. It's fine. I think I need something that's not school, or set, or home. But thanks for the offer."
We walked to his bike. Edward picked up his helmet before squinting and assessing me in silence.
"Do you like people watching?"
I grinned. It was the one thing I was sure I'd miss terribly after all hell broke loose.
"Adore it."
He handed me his helmet. "Put this on. I have just the place for you."
Bubbling with anticipation, I took his helmet but stood there, observing his motorcycle and his tall, lean, broad-shouldered frame.
"Won't Lauren get mad?"
Edward shrugged. "I offered her and she thought it would be boring, so it would be her problem if she did."
Curious as to what 'it' was but more concerned over our one helmet situation, I waved the helmet in front of him. "And is this where we get hit by a car that runs a red light and you die and I have to live with the guilt of killing you?"
Edward laughed.
"Are your parents preparing you for death at every turn?"
"They would if they knew I was getting on a motorcycle with a driver who sacrificed his helmet for me."
Edward stifled his smile but pushed the helmet back against my stomach. "Relax," he said. "Jasper's house is a block away and he has an extra, okay? We won't even cross the highway, and I'll drive so slow you'll wish we were walking."
Edward straddled his bike, kicking the side stand into its place and kickstarting the thing with a few tries. Once it was rumbling, he slid his backpack on his stomach and looked back, arching his pierced eyebrow. "You in?"
My heart somersaulted in my chest even if I'd resolved to be smarter and not spend so much time with my unrequited crush, but Edward wore the cutest little smile when I squeezed the surprisingly tight helmet over my head. The world felt smaller through the face shield as I straddled the bike and surrounded his waist with my hands.
I wore the stupidest grin when we rumbled out of the parking lot.
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A/N: This is a judgement free zone… where we pass free judgement on the author for writing this story, lol.
Adore your thoughts :)