The room is dimly lit for a relaxing atmosphere. My shirt is removed for ease of access. My defined chest finds comfort on the material laid out in front. My exposed torso rests on the soft mattress with my head near the edge. The strong thick fingers I possess cling tightly to the sheets. The sensation of wanting this unwelcoming thing tenses my insides. My pliable warm smooth skin gives way to the electrifying sensations Liara's fingers are giving me. "Shhh… try to relax. It will help it go easier" she said. I try to but fail. I wish I wasn't here… doing this. Quickly, I reach up for the vomit pale.

Gack!

"Errgh it feels like I'm simultaneously trying to throw up with an empty stomach and suffocating no matter how much I breathe" I said.

Liara explains "The toxins your body stored are being released into your bloodstream. Your body is trying to expel them. The good news is, your nerves will be receiving better nutrition, however there is a side effect of energizing them, which is bringing repressed memories to the surface."

I reply "I know. I had similar experiences during my training. I had to confront my bad memories in order to be free of them. I can't believe I'm still carrying this crap. I want it all out."

Liara says "this is going to take more than one session. We can stop anytime you'd like. It is wise to go at your own pace."

I say "I want to keep going. How long do you think I'll need?"

Liara replies "try not to rush the process."

Gack!

"Ugh I feel like I'm trying to throw up my own blood. Is it hot in here?"

Liara says "No. You're sweating. It's a sign of cleansing."

I ask "how did you learn to do this?"

Liara says "It is a skill taught to all asari. We perform this on ourselves annually for health reasons. Originally it was for a form of massage."

I ask "Are you directly stimulating the nerves?"

Liara replies "No. I'm encouraging fluid exchange around them. Why do you ask?"

I answer "This is close to something I do on Tali."

Liara asks "you perform internal cleansing on her?"

Awkwardly I say "no."

"Oh…"

…

…

…

I ask "how did you do it?"

Liara says "the biotic field alters the pressure in-"

"No, not the treatment. You had full unrestricted access to my mind. So many secrets about existence waiting to be dug up. You could have known for sure. How did you resist that feeling of temptation?"

Liara says "For a moment I thought about it."

I ask "What made you stop?"

Liara says "Honestly, I was more terrified of what I would find. Your eyes were asking me not to look with such desperation, I couldn't do it and I made a promise to you."

I get up, sitting on the bedside, and express my profound gratitude "Thank you Liara. If you have any questions about anything I will answer them with complete honesty. Whatever I can answer, it is yours."

Liara says "I'm not sure I want to know."

My eyes squint "Seriously? You live for finding secrets. First archaeology and now the shadow broker. You understand you are turning answers that plagued this galaxy's greatest philosophers. All you have to do is ask."

Liara says "I'm well aware. As a child I developed an unhealthy habit of wanting the truth. I wished to know who my mother's mate was and was never told. I hated being left in the dark, so instead I exposed artifacts to the light. When I found evidence of the Reapers… It scared me… and when I became the shadow broker and learned what goes on behind the scenes… it scared me. I thought knowledge would make me happy, but it didn't."

"I get that. Learning about what happens after death didn't make me feel any better. What makes you happy?"

"Shepard" her half smile must drive Shepard wild.

"I feel the same way about Tali."

Liara comments "We're both very lucky to have them at our sides."

I say "I know we are not supposed to be reliant on another person for happiness…"

Liara finishes my sentence "but it isn't the same without them."

I nod "Right."

Liara asks "Can you answer one question for me? What made you so afraid of what I might find?"

"I've been to many places. A few that didn't have civilization due to collapse. Nuclear war, plague, whatever movie disaster to set the plot. I give myself a soft rule to obey the social customs of where I am. I've done things you or the others would not approve of."

Liara replies "I know you are good, I felt your mind. What could you possibly have done?"

I answer "Never torture, didn't have the stomach or time for, but I have hurt people bad enough they never dare do what they did ever again. I always hold back, but some of those people needed a very robust lesson."

Liara asks "Did they deserve it?"

With unwavering conviction "Oh yeah. Without a doubt."

Liara says "we should continue your session. Please lie back down."

My mama didn't say to listen to blue cephalopod girls, but my gut says I should listen to this one. Oh Source this feels so weird. My stomach is turning itself inside out to push out the air inside me. Liara is going to have to teach me this later. The treatment makes my ribs ache, but then they feel pleasingly free, yet... it feels so strange. A cocktail of pain, pleasure, and discomfort.

A series of knocks at the door. Edi says "It is Miss Traynor with several items. She wishes to help."

I tell Edi to let her in. I'm desperate and willing to try anything.

Liara says "Hello Traynor. What do you have in that box?"

Traynor says "Oh some things I've collected from various cultures to help nullify the negativity. I have my incense oils, crystal singing bowls, a few other things."

Liara asks "What is the circle with woven string and feather tangling from the bottom?"

Traynor says "This is from the native Americans. They call it a dream catcher. It's supposed to capture the evil energy of the room onto the strings and burn in the sunlight" Traynor slowly walks around the room, using the dreamcatcher like a net. Bug catching for the nonexistence flies of evil. She attempts to feel the unseen. Liara watches my reaction. I mentally think "are you kidding me?" My massage therapist reads me like a book. Liara can't help but to chuckle. Traynor returns to her box. I hear the sound of vibrations coming from crystals. I guess music doesn't hurt. I'm more the heavy rain ASMR kind of guy.

"OW!" a sharp sensation is felt at the back of my knee causing me to jolt. Liara's biotics field pull something it shouldn't. The sensation makes me feel like coughing up iron.

I ask Traynor "What the hell are you doing back there?"

She replies "Relax, it's acupuncture. Guess I should have warned you."

I spin my head back to her and shout "A little heads up would have been nice! Why do you have a mortar and black candle?"

Traynor says "I'm going to perform a wicca banishing ritual. Hang on let me get my binder to find the spell and… here it is. Let the body be pure so mote it be. Let the body be pure so mote it be. Let the body be pure so mote it be."

I fucking wail like a two-year-old and shamelessly hold nothing back.

Traynor says "See! it's working" she proceeds to use her crystal bowls.

Through my sobs I let out "I'm crying because of how insane all this is!"

Traynor replies "tell yourself whatever you want."

Liara says "Whatever she is doing is actually kind of helping. The nerves in your chest are releasing."

I scream "DON'T ENCOURAGE HER! OW! STOP THAT!"

Traynor apologies "I'm sorry I keep forgetting."

Liara realizes something important "That reminds me! I forget to tell you *********. Shepard asked me to extend an invitation."

I stop releasing extra manly supreme Y chromosome pure masculinity testosterone saturated vision hydration fluid for the moment "Invitation?"

Liara says "Captain Anderson has given Shepard an apartment in the Citadel and he wants to use it before the final battle. One last hurrah before the crucible is finished with construction."

"That sounds PAIN IN THE ASS! Why did you stick a needle there?"

Traynor says "That is the liver point… I think."

"YOU THINK!"

Traynor says "Hang on let me look at my chart."

This session is at its end. "NONONONONONO I'm done for today. Liara I'd love to attend and please get these needles out of me!" Traynor carefully removes the needles and swabs an alcohol pad over the puncture marks. I have no idea if acupuncture works, I figured if I'm paying an hour for something, it would be a massage. AH! It's Tali's turn to give me a massage. Liara tosses me my shirt and I run away. Grab a quick bite and head to my safe space.