Shepard took a shuttle to see the apartment councilor Anderson gave him. Before he left, he gave me a list of things to look for while Garrus, Wrex, and I go shopping. Nothing out of the ordinary except for some special chips and dips Liara loves. Wrex says he ate them before and knows where to go. The nearest grocery store is twenty minutes by foot. Even if the three of us shared the load, we don't want to haul it back. That will be our last stop. Garrus says he wants to stop at this gun store, a second cousin of his is the proud owner of.

I say to the turian "ah that is nice you are helping out family."

Garrus says "Actually I barely know him. I met him a couple of times at some family reunions. The reason he contacted me is because he miraculously got his talons on some high grade weapons, he wants me to use, in exchange for advertising after the war."

Wrex says "Do we really need that fancy crap? We got this walking nuke right here."

Sarcastically I say with a hint of playfulness "Wrex, you flatter me like no other."

Garrus says "he really wants me to come see it."

I push Garrus "if that is what he wants, let's go. We have some time to kill."

Wrex asks "is he going to give me any flack?"

I innocently ask "What for?"

Wrex replies "Being this good looking."

Garrus says "He sells to anyone with the credits. Any opinions on the other races he keeps to himself, unless he gets drunk enough and won't shut up how hot Drell women are."

I comment "That seems weird."

Garrus explains "It isn't that uncommon for Turians to be attracted to Drells, just rare given how small their population is. Kinda like how it is for human men and quarian girls. How are things with you two?"

I'll never turn down an opportunity to brag about my sweethearts "Amazing. Head over heels every single day. I have the best girlfriend in the entire multiverse."

Wrex asks "She's that pretty?"

"Oh yeah. Not only that, she is super smart, kind, actually waits for me to finish my sentences and lets me communicate, which is sadly very common in this universe. When we have some downtime, we talk about what we want in our future house."

Garrus is surprised "have you two made plans?"

I answer "No. Just getting ideas."

Wrex says "I'm happy for you two kids. You both deserve it."

Garrus hails a cab. As the tallest one he sits up in the front. To make everyone as comfortable as possible, I sit behind the nearly seven-foot-tall bipedal featherless ostrich. Wrex sits on the other side of the cab. During the drive over, I think of food options for our dextro guests.

"Hey Garrus… didn't you mention turians prefer eating raw meat but cook it to prevent the bacteria growing and getting you sick?"

Garrus says "yeah. Our meat processing is efficient, but the food has to be cooked. It is a huge down grade to our taste buds, but we have to do it. Most of it becomes jerky for our rations. When I was on Rannoch, I left the ship to go hunting and found a delicious bird. Like your chicken or turkey. I forgot how juicy flesh can be."

I ask "did you at least put it down painlessly?"

Garrus replies "as quick as I could. Why do you ask?"

I said "I know a cooking method that might be the best of both worlds. It is called sous vide cooking. Essentially you cook the meat in a plastic bag submerged in a water bath just above the temperature required to kill bacteria. It takes a long time, but the meat becomes so tender. I'm planning to do it with steaks. If we can find raw dextro meat. I'll cook it for you."

Wrex asks "does it make it taste like raw meat?"

"Kinda. The texture is for sure different. You are supposed to sear the outside but the inside tastes different than what you would cook in a pan with butter. I like it. It considered fancy. Restaurants do it."

Garrus says "Sure why not. It's the council's credits anyway. Guys you see that building over there?"

Wrex asks "The one with the giant neon sign turian holding a rifle? That place looks fancy."

Garrus says "He's a bit of an attention seeker. That is where we are heading."

The cab drops us off at a platform and it's only a two-minute walk. Inside the shop is guns galore. The walls are lined with all sorts of futuristic pistols and rifles. So many different makes and models. My pointer and middle finger play car ninja, leaping from one gun to another. I'll figure out how to remove the store security locks later.

"Oh this one looks nice, and this one looks even better. Oh they all deserve love I wish I could adopt them all. This one is a daddy gun and this one must be a junior. This one is the tomboy daughter. Oh this rifle must be grandpa bullets. What exactly is this one?" I ask Wrex the strange rectangular looking object composed of several white trapezoids. My instincts are saying it's powerful.

Wrex says "Oh shit they stopped making those a long time ago. It's a rocket launcher. One standard ammunition block can become over one hundred projectiles equivalent to a high-grade explosive missile."

I am so copying that.

Garrus whistles for us to come over. He politely asks me to stop groping the merchandise.

"Garrus, you have to understand. I am an American. My people fetishize gun ownership to make normal people think it is a weird hobby to keep prices down and instead those prudes in congress keep trying to takes our funs away."

Wrex asks "Do you really need to touch all of them?"

"If I want to shoot them later then yes." Wrex realizes what I am doing.

The shop owner comes out from the back and shows Garrus the high-tech mods he has. Garrus examines them carefully and realizes this stuff is more advanced than he was expecting.

Garrus asks "Spirts! How did you even get these!"

The shop owner says "Batarian refugees found it from a wreckage. Reapers got them. They salvaged what they could and brought these to me. I knew you could use them."

Garrus examines the mod cartridges and other gadgets and gizmos "I think using this is a war crime." I do not know if he is joking or not.

Wrex comments "it is only a war crime if you lose."

While Garrus and his family member talk about the gadgets, I browse the display cases. The designs of these pistols can be very creative. While I admire craftsmanship, turning a weapon into an art piece compels me to hang it on a wall in a display frame rather than using it to pop a communist's ass.

JUST THEN the world around me goes black. Up above is the beautiful gold light with angels singing in the background. I must have it.

Garrus wonders what is causing me to have the case of enthrallment. "I only see that loon on you when Tali is nearby. What are you SPIRITS SHE IS SEXY!"

On the top shelf, is a beautiful large .50 caliber sniper rifle. I think those bullets in my time cost $9 bucks A ROUND. The shop keeper, proud of his handcrafted creation claims the rifle is accurate to 10,000 yards, the scope has heat and night vision. The blue color scheme matching an asari gives a weapon an alure Shepard must feel for Liara. Whoever made that item right there should be worshiped as the american hephaestus. I NEEDS ITS!

"CAN I HOLD IT? I NEED TO HOLD IT? PLEASE LET ME HOLD IT!"

The shop keeper laughs at my reaction "Sorry that gun is one of my own creations. It only goes into a turian hands."

I turn to the Krogan muscle head "Wrex, ask Garrus to ask the esteemed gunsmith if he can feel the weight."

Wrex asks "Why do you need to hold it?"

"Because I have to."

Garrus says "No. I know what you are planning."

"Please G man. I need to hear the way that gun sings."

Garrus says "You have enough toys as it is."

"Garrus, I am a man. A human man. And an American man at that. We need the good toys! Wrex back me up."

Wrex says "Maybe another time. I'm already late for Grunt's meet up. I have to find a shuttle. Garrus don't let him have too much fun. We'll meet up somewhere."

Garrus waves goodbye "Don't get into any trouble."

"Trouble finds me."

"Garrus please tell your favorite second cousin it is ok for me to stroke the metal beauty. If Joker can to it, why can't I?"

"Joker is weird and you don't need it."

"But I wanna."

Garrus tells me "stop acting like a child."

"Whoa. I paid my taxes, I balanced my budget, clean up messes, I am more responsible than congress. Let me use my one-time American privilege to touch that tank destroyer. Come on isn't there a treaty or something."

"No."

"There should be."

Garrus adamantly refuses to let me have the top shelf prize. I wonder how many tickets I'll have to counterfeit to redeem it. I'm going to have to play skee ball for weeks.

"SPIRTIS!" Garrus yells.

I ask him "what happened?"

Garrus says "we have to go. Someone is attacking Shepard. Nidas it was good seeing you again. Hopefully we'll live through this year for another family reunion. I'm taking these with me. I'll give you all the advertising you'll ever want after I kick the Reaper's asses." He is going to become a god of destruction.

Nidas says "It's fine. Go save your friend. We'll iron out the details later."

I comment "Shepard is just a magnet for trouble isn't he."

Garrus asks me "Would you happen to know where he is?"

"How the hell should I know?"