He felt devastated. Absolutely gutted and could barely stand the silence. The voice in his head was loud and condemning.
Failure.
God. He felt tears stinging his eyes.
Failure.
His little baby sister. The only one he had left in the world nearly walked out of his life. With a charlatan.
He had nearly been too late. He sniffed loudly and closed his eyes as he crouched behind the desk in his study. He brought his hands up to cover his face as the tears threatened.
Failure.
Now, Georgiana wanted to retreat to Pemberly. He had been willing to go. He had wanted to go. It was the best idea to hide away. They both preferred the seclusion of home.
But then she requested to go alone. She wanted to hide from him. The thought lacerated his heart. She had left him that morning.
Failure.
Now, he must stay in London, while she left him. But he wanted to help her, and he knew how he liked isolation after blunders. And what a blunder this was. One he should have protected her from. He couldn't catch his breath.
He felt like panicking. He was going to be alone with his thoughts.
Failure.
He needed help. He stood up and scrubbed at his face to erase his weakness. He went to the one person he could.
Oxoxoxox
Darcy didn't know how he got to the townhouse, but he did. He opened the study door to see his friend on his knees, looking under his desk in confusion. As if he'd lost something, which he probably had.
"Bingley!" Darcy said in residual panic from his earlier episode.
"Darcy!?" Bingley said in a matching panic, "what's wrong? Are you well?"
"No!" Darcy exclaimed.
"What's wrong?" Bingley asked, standing up off the floor and dashing towards the scotch.
"I can't tell you," Darcy said, sitting heavily down in an armchair and pressing the heels of his hands back on his eyes.
"That makes fixing it harder," Bingley said, giving his friend a glass of the scotch and flopping in the chair across from him. He leaned forward and hopped the chair closer to his friend.
"I can't tell anyone," Darcy mumbled. Bingley nodded.
"Is everyone's health fine and everyone is safe?" Bingley questioned urgently. At Darcys nod, he sighed and slouched back in his chair.
They sat in relative silence as Bingley tapped his finger and bounced his leg.
Darcy felt a little better. Yes, Georgiana was safe now. She had her health and she would keep it. Wickham hadn't done more than break her heart.
"Damn, do you need to get away?" Bingley's voice cut through his thoughts.
"Yes," Darcy said thickly. He didn't want to be alone. He didn't want to stay in London.
"Come to Netherfield with me then! I was going to have a house party, but I'll cancel. You can teach me to run an estate. You seem like you need the quiet and something to keep your mind busy," Bingley said.
If Darcy could cry, he would've cried.
"When do we leave?" Darcy asked.
"Whenever you'd like. You know me, I could leave now or later. My work always seems to get finished on time regardless."
"Tomorrow?"
"Seems like a fine idea to me," Bingley smiled at his friend and gave him more scotch.
Bingley proceeded to tell him all about Netherfield as he wrote his other friends to cancel. Darcy was not left alone with his thoughts.
Bingley forgot to write to Netherfields housekeeper in his concern for his friend.