"If I stay at this putrid plebeian pothole any longer, I'm gonna heave..." Kathleen grumbled as she walked behind a ring toss booth, after paying the guy operating it his money for letting her lackeys stay there.
It was demeaning staying at this grubby, greasy carnival, let alone using some dingy backroom for a meeting place, but she told herself that it would soon be worth it.
She found the back door wide open and cursed to herself as she could hear the idiots arguing inside.
"You didn't have to grab me like a psycho killer! I was already kidnapped once-"
"Shut the hell up, bitch! In case you've forgotten, I'm Kathleen's partner! So that means you answer to me!" Lyle said brashly.
"You're delusional, that's what you are." Jenny huffed, crossed her arms, and turned away from him, much to the boy's chagrin.
"Don't you dare sass off to me, Ginny!" a fuming Lyle held his fist up to her face. "Or... I'll pummel you into oblivion!"
Jenny seemed unfazed, her tone bitter and resigned, "Is that the worst you can offer?"
"Lyle! You pathetic excuse for a goon." an enraged Kathleen barged in and slammed the door shut, putting an end to their argument. "How dare you bail on me when I needed you the most."
"Bail on you?" a vexed Lyle retorted. "You didn't even go look for me! This was all your fault!"
"Keep your voice down, idiot." Kathleen hissed. "One of the freaks might hear us."
"I didn't bail on you. It was freaking sabotage, they cut my line. And you left me up there at the mercy of those freaks-"
"After you let them trick you into doing this idiotic stunt, you miserable mudbrain!" Kathleen's fury made him step back. "The whole point of that stunt was to get them out of our hair. If I had gotten Lynn to do it, we could have cut her line, but noooo. You let them turn the tables on us, all because you felt insecure in your microscopic manhood."
Lyle blushed and looked at her like a deer in the headlights. "That's not true at all! Taylor made it all up, that super serum only made me go bald. It didn't have any other side effects!"
Kathleen paused and Jenny gave her an unnerved look, clearly not wishing to dwell on this topic. If she hadn't been so angry Kathleen would have found his oddly specific denial hilarious. It did help soothe her burning temper a bit.
"You don't say? And which freak, if I may ask, was brazen enough to cut your line?" Kathleen inquired. Maybe the dope knew something that would be of moderate value to her.
"It was that goth brat." Lyle shook his raised fists. "When I get my hands on her, I'll squeeze her scrawny neck."
"The goth brat?" Kathleen bit back a laugh. It made some sense though. It explained why the little gremlin, of all the yahoos onboard, had been eavesdropping on her and Jenny.
"Yes, it was her alright." Lyle watched with a stupified expression as Kathleen snapped her head back laughing before resting on her knees.
"What's so funny?"
"Oh, Jenny..." Jenny jolted as Kathleen addressed her. "...I might owe you an apology. At least Lincoln is in his double digits."
"Eh...yeah, sure." Jenny nodded. She was going to preserve what little dignity she had.
Lyle had the same idea and pointed his thumb at Jenny. "What? Ginny was outwitted by him? Hah! You couldn't Ace Savvy and yet you're giving me a hard time?"
"You got bested by a 7-year-old, tough guy." a glowering Jenny retorted. "How lame is that?"
Lyle fumed. "I was high up in the air when she cut my rope! You couldn't steal a baby and fight off a little dweeb who can't lift a feather."
And as quickly as it came, Kathleen's mirth vanished as she was forced to listen to these two blockheads arguing.
"At least I wasn't tricked into doing an idiotic stunt cuz of some stupid taunting!"
"Enough, you fools!" Kathleen backhanded them both with one swipe. Jenny rubbed her reddening cheek and whimpered. Lyle did the same but growled angrily.
"You're completely useless. Both of you! If you combined your respective brain cells, you wouldn't be able to spell "moron". It's clear as day that I need to be more involved. Fortunately, this carnival is the perfect place to stage a kidna-"
"How dare you hit me!" a livid Lyle charged at her.
"Don't interrupt me!" Kathleen's fist clonked him on the head, making Lyle plop on his butt. "And keep your freaking voice down."
Jenny sniggered as the dazed Lyle groaned and rubbed his throbbing head.
"As I was saying..." Kathleen continued. "...this noisy and crowded carnival is the ideal place to snatch Lisa and make a swift getaway via my limo. Why, even you simpletons can't possibly bungle that...if you know what's good for you."
Jenny gulped and clutched her hands.
"I already called James, so we need to be quick about it. The sooner we leave this crap hole and I don't have to pander to those Louds, the sooner my sanity can start recovering."
"But...how can we grab her when there's like... twelve people watching her?" Jenny asked.
"They're not, you unattentive ignoramus. Due to my ingenious foresight..." Kathleen proudly touched her chest "...I got rid of Mr. and Mrs. Loud, and also Luna, so we just need to isolate Lisa from the remaining Louds. Distracting half of these roobs with all this funfair shouldn't be hard. We just need to find an attraction that will really catch their interest. Luan's too scared to do anything, so the main problem will be Lynn, Lincoln, and whats-her-face...that intrusive goth girl."
"Her name is Lucy?" Jenny offered helpfully.
"I don't care." Kathleen snarled at her. "Point is, they are the ones that you and the other twit gracing me with his idiocy need to look out for."
"They're not the only ones..." Lyle said in a strained voice as he looked up at Kathleen. "Aren't you forgetting someone, wise ass?"
"Who?" Kathleen demanded.
Lyle flashed a smarmy grin. "Why do you ask me? Aren't you the brilliant ringleader who knows everything?"
"I don't have time for games!" Lyle yelped in terror as Kathleen grabbed him by the shirt and hoisted him up, her blue eyes conveying nothing but pure wrath. "Spit it out! Who are you talking about!"
"Taylor, you moron." Lyle pushed himself free, his back hitting the wall. "He's with them. I saw him."
Kathleen was caught off guard. She had forgotten about him. "When did you see him?"
"After the chalk-faced rugrat cut my line, I saw Taylor following your yacht in a kayak. The asshole made fun of me when I flew over him!"
"So that sneaky bastard has indeed been following us this whole time." Kathleen raised her trembling fists. "Have you seen him near the carnival?"
A look of uncertainty crossed Lyle's features. "...eh...nope, I haven't."
Kathleen growled. "You mean to tell me you have no idea where he is at this very moment?"
"Hey, I had no time to look for that idiot." Lyle shot back. "I had to escape and save my own skin!"
"From who?"
"The talking wolf!"
"...what talking wolf?" Kathleen made a face. "What are you prattling about?"
"It's true. He attacked me when I first met Taylor and Lynn." Lyle tried to explain. "He's huge, an absolute monster of a wolf, as big as a horse! He nearly tore my scalp off, I barely managed to escape. When my parachute got caught in the trees, he came out of nowhere and tried to kill me again, and then sent his stupid vulture to follow me."
"A wolf ordered a vulture to follow you?" Jenny asked. Lyle nodded.
"And he talked to you?" Kathleen humored him. "As in, a wolf spoke in plain English to you?"
"Yes, he did." Lyle insisted.
His face dropped like a boulder as both girls burst out laughing.
"Oh, god...this is too much." Jenny wiped away a tear. "Kathleen must have clonked you harder than I thought."
"That's the funniest excuse for gross incompetence I ever heard." Kathleen said mockingly.
"It's true! I know what I saw!" Lyle fumed.
"And I know what I saw..." Kathleen snorted before scowling and jabbing Lyle in the chest "...you being utterly useless, on top of taking me for a fool."
"Yeah...if you needed an excuse, why didn't you say that you were kidnapped by Bigfoot?" Jenny jeered. "Sounds a tad more believable."
"Shut your trap, you dumb broad!" Lyle growled. "That's not the whole story! You don't know what he told me. He has a history with-"
"I don't care for the details of your phony story." Kathleen grabbed the boy's arm in a vice-like grip and glared him dead in the eye. "What matters is that Lisa is in my possession by the end of the day. And since you're here, Lyle, I'll give you a chance to redeem yourself. But this is your last one."
"But the wolf says he's tied to L-"
"Don't press your luck! I've put up with your buffoonery long enough and I'm out of patience..." Kathleen growled and tapped him on the chest. "You're going to deliver Lisa to me within one hour, or else you'll wish that you were torn apart by wolves!"
"Whhh...thghh ighh awhghmm..." Lana said with a full mouth, holding a striped paper container filled with corndogs and pressing her face against the window.
She swallowed and turned around while tapping the glass. "I can see Wisconsin from up here!"
Luan ignored her as the two sat on a bench inside the suspended cart, now on the very top of the Ferris wheel. Luan wasn't terribly fond of great heights but it was preferable to being on ground level with Kathleen.
Blowing up an orange spiral balloon, she twisted it into the shape of a giraffe and handed it to Darcy, who giggled in delight. She and Lisa were sitting on the bench opposite Luan and Lana's.
Their cart was littered with several other balloon figures that the toddlers had grown bored with after a few minutes, such as a dog, elephant, rabbit, horse, snail, flower, and pretzel.
"I wanna a blue and pink butterfly!" Lisa insisted.
Muttering inwardly, Luan worked on tying a blue and pink balloon together.
"Sahhh..." Lana said with a half-chewed corndog sticking out of her mouth "...cahnn yah make me a snake?"
Flinching from the spit that was flung her way, Luan glowered at her and just grabbed and gave her a green spiral balloon.
"Hey..." Lana whined, letting the corndog drop to the floor "...ya didn't do anything!"
"How do you think snakes look, idiot?!" Luan screamed inwardly. Knowing she would be in for a tirade, she gave a satisfied Lisa her butterfly and went right to contorting another green balloon.
She shoved her newest creation in Lana's hand, a frog.
"Nice!" Lana smiled.
"I wanna frog too!" Darcy chirped. Luan sighed silently. She would have normally enjoyed entertaining little children... if only everything else about her current circumstances wasn't absolutely horrible. She also wasn't getting paid for this.
"Hey...look what I found!" Lana's voice snapped her out of her thoughts as Luan saw the tomboy sticking her hand in the space between the seat and wall and pulling out a grimy notepad with bubble gum stuck to it.
"Didn't ya want one?" Lana reached forward and dangled it at the disgusted Luan. Knowing that beggars couldn't be choosers, the mime reluctantly took it.
"I still don't get why ya won't talk." Lana shrugged as she shoved another corndog into the side of mouth. "Sounds prehh stuhpid ta me..."
Separating the gum and throwing it aside, the irate Luan remembered something and checked down her sleeve. She reached behind Lana's ear and pulled out a coin. Annoyed, she threw it away while Lisa and Darcy clapped and giggled.
Next she pulled out a rose and tossed it aside. Next came a string of colorful hankies, which Luan kept pulling until ten feet of it were lying in a pile on the floor.
She tried it again and finally, she pulled out a colorful pen with a clown head from Lana's ear, causing Luan to grin with frantic joy.
She started writing on the notepad and eventually showed it to Lana.
Her eyes darted left and right as she looked at the words before glancing up at her older sister and shrugging.
"Ehh...Luan? Y'know I can't read." she said simply and nibbled on another corndog, prompting Luan to smack her forehead repeatedly.
At a shooting booth, Lincoln groaned impatiently as he picked up a ball and threw it, missing the stack of plastic caps.
"Pffttt...missed them by a mile, bro." Lynn teased him.
"Aha...whateves..." Lincoln barely cared and kept an eye out for Lucy's return while Lynn spat into her hands, rubbed them, and picked up a ball.
"See, it's all in the wrist." Lynn lectured him and casually threw the ball without even looking and knocked down the whole stack of cups. Lincoln was unfazed.
"Same old stuff..." he thought. Lynn had excellent aim while his sucked. It almost felt nostalgic to experience this sort of one-sided competition again, especially since he didn't have to suffer through the unholy sight of Lynn twerking in victory.
"Congrats, kid." Lynn grew an unamused look as she was given a plastic light-up sword by the bored carny, and lamely swung it.
"You call this a prize? What am I supposed to do with this thing?"
"I dunno, give it to Lana?" Lincoln shrugged. "Where's Lucy? She should have been back by now-"
"Guys." they heard the goth's voice. Mercifully, she didn't randomly materialize behind them but could be seen running towards them.
"So you found Ryan?" Lynn asked hopefully.
"I did. I'll take you right to him." Lucy smiled. "And he has a great surprise."
"Surprise? I reckon it's not another time travel trip, to ensure that Kathleen was never born?" Lynn deadpanned.
"No, but he has caught a spy." Lucy told them.
"Spy?" the older siblings asked and Lincoln felt uneasy.
"Please tell me he didn't kidnap one of Kathleen's friends again?" he asked worriedly.
"Hey, we didn't do nothing to Jenny." Lynn quipped wryly. "It was some ninjas called Jinx and Dagger."
Lincoln gave her a flat look. "And you call my codenames lame?"
"No, this one doesn't work for Kathleen at all. You've seen him." Lucy elaborated and gestured for them to follow her. "Come on. You'll see what I mean."
Lincoln felt even more confused as he and Lynn were led to a tent, looking around to make sure nobody was watching them before they entered.
The unlit tent was used to store crates and all sorts of props, large and small, and half of them were out of commission.
Sitting on a worn-out merry-go-round horse and leaning against the adjacent crate, Ryan was waiting and rocking his right leg.
Fang, meanwhile, was hanging upside down on one of the arrows on a colorful signpost. His keen ears picked up the sound of footsteps and using his echolocation, her made out three familiar shapes, one small and the other two larger.
Hearing Fang chirp and flutter around excitedly, Ryan jumped off the horse and stretched himself.
"This is gonna knock their socks off." he chuckled while giving a side glance to his limp captive.
On the other side of the tent, Lucy pulled back the flap and let Lynn and Lincoln inside. Surveying the place, Lincoln found the dimly lit tent a bit eerie and flinched as he came face to face with a creepy fortune-teller animatronic.
"Don't be a wuss, Linc." Lynn elbowed him teasingly. "It's just a pile of junk in a tent-AH!"
She jumped and hugged her brother as a bat fluttered around them. Giggling, Lucy pushed her way between them and let Fang perch on the side of her hand.
"Did you miss me, Fang." she asked while petting his head, with the bat chirping affectionately.
"Fang? H-how the hell did that little bloodsucker get here?" Lynn asked in annoyance when a figure came out of the darkness.
"Oh, who are we to question the intrinsic bond between a girl and her bat." Ryan said casually.
"Ryan, you're here." Lincoln didn't know what else to say. Ryan seemed like his usual self, except that he wasn't wearing his cap...or shoes. There had to be a story behind that.
"I can see you were dying to see me again." Ryan snarked before turning to Lynn, his smirk morphing into a more genuine smile.
"Ryan?" Lynn smiled at him, looking like she was barely holding back her joy.
Ryan, on his part, looked a bit sheepish. "Lynn...hey. I was-"
POW!
Lincoln, Lucy, and Fang all jumped as Lynn's fist connected with Ryan's face, causing him to fall over and land with a thud.
"You flaky asshole!" an enraged Lynn stood over him. "Where have you been? Do you know that it's been two days since went on this stupid vacation! I worried myself to death over you... you procrastinatin' piece of shit!"
"Heh...I can see that..." Ryan joked weakly while rubbing his bruised cheek.
"Why did she punch him, Lincoln?" a confused Lucy asked her brother, while Fang cowered on her shoulder.
"Don't ask me?" Lincoln shrugged. "I prefer not to think about their relationship at all."
Ryan got up on wobbly legs and took a step back as he was faced with Lynn's wrathful glare.
"Hey, I know I'm tardy...but hear me out. I can explain." he raised his other hand. "I tried to get here as fast as I could, I wasn't gonna let him hurt you. But I guess you took him on by yourself, given the whole blue ex-"
"Who? Who are you talking about!" Lynn demanded.
"Lynn, keep your voice down." Lincoln urged her.
"And don't ask redundant questions." Lucy added snidely.
"One Eye. He got in my way." Ryan blurted, stunning Lynn and Lincoln.
"C-come a-again?" Lincoln twitched, already not liking where this was heading.
"One Eye, you bozo. I was waiting in the treehouse, so I wouldn't have to sneak past Renee, ready to follow you guys at the crack of dawn, just as we agreed. But that cur walked straight into my own yard in the dead of night, and he tried to snuff me out. We tussled, we both fell into a river and got swept up here. I ran through the woods, looking for any sign of civilization, with him hot on my trail, and Marceline found me..."
"She arrived at our temporary abode, just so you know." Lucy chimed in. "Fenton sent us a message."
"Clever girl..." Ryan smiled proudly before resuming his story "...anyway, while on our way, we saw that big, blue explosion last night. I knew that had to be Lizzie's work, meaning you guys were nearby, so I went in that direction to find you but One Eye cornered me again this morning and flexed his new grasp on English. We escaped him and walked around the lake and saw you guys on Kathleen's yacht, shitty timing I know, so I borrowed a kayak and followed you."
Lynn's eyes were wide open, her pupils shrunk, and her legs wobbled. Lincoln was even worse and felt his whole world spinning. This felt like an insane fever dream.
"I told you so but you wouldn't believe me." Lucy rubbed it in their faces.
Trying to process what Ryan had just said, Lynn scowled in frustration. "Ryan...this so isn't funny."
"I know, it's not funny at all. He's out for blood. Our blood." Ryan nodded. "It's no coincidence that you met him when Lizzie...did that thing with her helmet, whatever the hell it was. I dunno how he beat me to you, he must know the terrain like the back of his paw."
"He's telling the truth, why would he lie to us?" Lucy told the jock.
Lincoln was sweating profusely and the vein on his temple pulsated. This couldn't be happening. It just couldn't be happening.
Lynn's face faltered. She felt like her whole world was crashing down. Daring to come closer, Ryan put a comforting hand on the distraught girl's shoulder.
"Look...I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but we're in quite a pickle. Forget Kathy. That psycho pooch has it out for us, he wants us good and dead. He told me so in no uncertain terms."
"What do you mean he "told you so"?!" the vexed Lynn blurted.
Trying to find the right words and failing, Ryan shifted his gaze to Lucy, who said, "We took the brunt of that explosion, it knocked us out until dawn."
"Ah..." Ryan chuckled awkwardly "...so I guess you didn't really know about the side effects till now? Um...this feels awkward..."
"Then just stop talking about it!" an exasperated Lincoln marched up to him. "Just drop the matter altogether."
Ryan blinked. "Drop it? Linky, I don't think you're getting the picture-"
"I don't want to get the freaking picture!" Lincoln threw his arms up. "I don't care about it! I don't want to hear it!"
"Lincoln?"
"I said I don't want to hear about it, are you all deaf!" Lincoln snapped at Lucy before clutching his head and walking away from the rest, rambling under his breath.
The others watched him shaking and gripping his head like his brain was about to burst from his skull.
"Dammit! Of all the...DAMMIT!" he yelled as he stomped his foot and toppled over the creepy fortuneteller thing.
"How did we end up here!?" he ranted while gesturing at the tent wall. "I just wanted to keep my hair-brained sisters from causing problems and make mom and dad's lives a little easier! Was that too much to ask for? How did we get to all this lunacy!"
"Lincoln, get a grip." Lynn grabbed him by the shoulder and pulled him back. "Keep your voice down, someone will hear us."
"Did...did you even hear what Ryan just told us?" he turned to her with a crazed look in his eye.
"I did hear it...and it's...ughh..." Lynn fumbled angrily, trying to regain her train of thought, and turned to Ryan "...dammit, Ryan...ugh...do you have any proof of your bogus story?"
"Uhhhhhh..." they all heard a groggy moan.
"Sure I do, Lucy did tell you I had a surprise waiting for ya..." Ryan shrugged "...I thought you guys were in the know and would take my surprise a little better, but...eh...what's done is done I guess..." he walked back into the darkness and dragged something from behind a crate.
Lynn and Lincoln watched uneasily when Ryan tossed a dark figure at their feet. It was a large, black bird, as big as them, bruised and beaten, and sporting a black eye. Fang squeaked, flew off Lucy's shoulder, and hid inside the mouth of the merry-go-round horse, watching the event from a safe distance.
"Is that...is that One Eye's vulture?" Lynn asked incredulously.
"The very one." Ryan nodded. "He grabbed Lucy and tried to carry her to his master."
Lincoln and Lynn jolted, their eyes bugging out as they turned to their little sister.
"He did what...is t-that what Luan was trying to tell us?!" Lincoln blurted, his mind racing.
"It was." Lucy smiled and gestured at the vulture. "But the fool got cocky and flew too close to the sun, or rather too close to the ground, allowing Ryan to knock his lights out."
"Yeesh, he's even uglier up close?" Lynn grimaced. "His face looks like Aunt Ruth's ass after sunbathing for too long."
"Less wrinkly though." Lucy noted.
"Why did you bring that thing here?" Lincoln chastized Ryan. "We already have enough on our plate."
"To make our job easier, duh." Ryan said casually. " Seems Beaky grew tired of just spying on us so he upped his game and Lucy was the only one light enough for him to carry off. And more importantly, he might know some stuff we should know."
"You want to interrogate a bird?" an incredulous Lincoln asked him, still stuck in denial. "Have you lost it?"
"Nope, cuz we both know that this birdie can sing. And I know a squealer when I see one." Ryan replied with casual confidence as they heard the vulture groaning again.
Eagerly, Ryan rolled Raza onto his back and stomped his foot on the latter's right wing. Raza shifted but was still unresponsive, mumbling in a punch-drunk state.
"Rise and shine!" Ryan said in a sing-song voice and slapped his captive, hard. Raza shook his head. His mind was still spinning as he opened his good eye and realized that he was pinned down and surrounded by humans.
Looking around frantically, his eye bulged and he opened his beak, ready to scream, when Ryan swiftly clamped it shut.
"Shhhhh...don't you even think about screaming, unless you want me to snap your neck." Ryan hushed him. "I hate to interrupt your beauty sleep but me and my pals have a few questions and you're gonna be a good stoolpigeon and answer them, are we clear?"
Whimpering, the vulture nodded and Ryan let go of his beak.
"We're wasting time with this..." Lincoln complained "...we have to get back to-"
"No, please! Spare me! Have mercy!"
Lynn and Lincoln yelped, the former stumbling and falling on his back.
"That thing talks!?" Lynn blurted.
"I told ya to keep your voice down." Ryan warned Raza with another painful slap before growing a faux-affable smile. "What's your name by the way? I want to keep things formal."
"R-r-r-r-r-r-raza." the vulture stammered pitifully.
Ryan smirked. "Okay, R-r-r-r-r-r-raza. Why did you kidnap this nice girl over there, if I may ask?" he pointed at Lucy.
"You?!" Raza panted as he turned to her and squirmed. "I didn't mean to, honest. I'm just a flunky. It was all Soto's idea. He forced me into it. I begged him not to do it but he wouldn't listen."
"Is that why you kept dropping me to my near-death?" Lucy asked cheekily, making the vulture sweat.
Hearing that, Lynn felt her blood boiling, while Lincoln struggled to wrap his head around what he was seeing, as he pushed himself into a sitting position.
"Soto?" Ryan only now realized that the wolf that had been hounding them for so long probably had a name already.
"Oh, no." he chuckled in disbelief and slapped his forehead. "Don't tell me that's his real name? It sucks ass."
"Yes, that's him. It was all his idea, I really didn't want to do it. I don't even like him!" Raza nodded fearfully. "But I was desperate, out of options. I have ten...no, twenty hungry chicks to feed! And a sick mate and...eh...a brother with a crippled wing!"
Lucy grabbed a nearby juggling pin and clubbed him over the head, making Raza cry in fear.
"We didn't bring you here to listen to your sob story." the goth told him.
"Yes, fibbing won't get you anywhere, R-r-r-r-r-r-raza." Raza yelped as Ryan leaned down towards him.
"We know your boss has an ax to grind with us. He told me so himself. "Your demise shall restore my honor as a hunter", those were his words." Ryan recited while doing a poor impression of the wolf. Hard to do when you are barely into puberty.
Raza gulped. That sounded like something his boss would say.
"But how did know where we live...hmmm?" Ryan toyed with the vulture. "He can't just waltz into town in broad daylight after all. I assume some snitch must have been spying on us and tipped him off. Now...who do you think that could be?"
Raza trembled and sweated profusely.
"You know...us humans have this sacred, profound saying..." Ryan smirked darkly as he cracked his knuckles "..."Snitches get stitches". Do ya know what that means?"
"W-w-whats a "snitch"?" the vulture stammered. He might have had the English language downloaded into his brain but that didn't mean he understood its nuances.
"It's a simpering, self-serving coward who sucks up to someone much more powerful by providing them with useful information, and everyone who knows them wants them dead." Lucy gladly explained. "Sound familiar?"
Raza smiled and giggled nervously. He knew a lot of animals in the woods of Michigan who wanted to tear him to shreds.
"Yes. Yes. Yes..." he wheezed "...the boss prides himself as a mighty hunter, a real egomaniac he is. But he also loathes humans with a burning passion. He hates them to death...not that I agree with him, mind you. I love humans. I think they are the greatest-yow!"
Lucy clonked him on the head again with her pin.
"What was that for?" Raza cried through hot tears.
"I don't like liars." Lucy shrugged. "But it's also just fun to hit you."
She emphasized her point by clonking him again.
Listening to this pathetic groveling, Lynn gradually forgot that she was watching a talking bird.
"Sheesh...this sap makes Lyle look brave." she commented.
Lincoln, on the other hand, just kept watching this interrogation with morbid curiosity, his mind struggling to keep up with it.
"So One Eye is just salty then. I figured as much from our first conversation." Ryan laughed. "But where is he now?"
"I don't know, honest." Raza shook his head. "He told me to follow the runt with the unibrow. I tracked him to this place but couldn't follow him here, so I flew back."
He looked at Lucy. "That's when I spotted the little one. Haven't seen Soto since then. He might be miles away for all I know."
"Unibrow?" Lucy scowled, having a nagging suspicion she knew who this was.
She pointed her juggling pin inches from Raza's eyes. "Did that boy have acne, ugly combat boots, and the intelligence of a rock?"
"And was he hanging from a parachute by any chance?" Ryan added while rubbing his chin.
"Yes. That's the one, yes." the vulture nodded frantically. "He claimed that he didn't like you too."
"Lyle." Ryan groaned and pulled on his face. "So that numbskull is still alive? There's just no justice in this world."
"You know you're talking about murder!" Lincoln suddenly yelled.
"Great, he's here and he'll tell Kathleen what you did to him. Nice job, Lucy." Lynn snapped at the goth.
Compartmentalize! Compartmentalize! Lincoln had to completely commit to it now if he wanted to preserve any remaining shred of his sanity. This was too much for one Midwestern suburban boy to handle.
Lucy ignored Lynn's scolding and kept her focus on the vulture. "Where's the rest of your flock? I know it isn't just you who leeches off One Eye."
Raza was hesitant for a moment but after seeing Ryan flashing him a sadistic grin while pretending to twist a neck, he caved in. "They're all at your house. Soto ordered them to keep an eye on it in case you came back."
"What?!" Lynn was furious. She pulled out her light-up sword by its shaft and hit Raza over the head with it, breaking it in two.
"What!? I answered your question?" he sobbed hysterically before getting clonked by Lucy again.
"We told you to keep your voice down." she warned him.
"Yes, idiot." Ryan smacked him as well, mostly for the fun of it.
"So he thinks he can keep us under surveillance!" Lynn yelled at the dizzy vulture and seized him by the neck. Ryan stepped off his wing as Lynn hoisted him up to his knees.
"It's...not...mah idea..." Raza rasped with his tongue sticking out.
"Listen here, beak face!" Lynn said through gritted teeth. "I can't stand freaking bullies. The only thing I hate more than bullies are bootlicking snitches!"
"That's how you do it, Lynn." Ryan encouraged her. "I don't think this shmuck has any more intel to share, so do you want the honor of twisting his-"
"No, wait. This is a good thing!" Lincoln suddenly chimed in. The others were stumped and looked at him.
"Good thing? And you call me crazy?" Ryan snorted while Lynn let go of Raza's neck, making him plop down on his back again, wheezing.
"Just think about it." Lincoln pointed at Raza as Ryan grabbed him by the wing. "If he's here and the rest of his flock is watching Kathleen's summer home, then One Eye has no one to tip him off about our whereabouts."
"He...he could still follow your scent?" Raza whimpered.
"Be quiet!" Lincoln furiously backhanded him. "Don't you say another word! I don't want to hear you talking. Just...put a damn sock in it."
Quivering, Raza tucked his head into his neck feathers while nodding.
"Nice one, Lincoln." Lucy nodded in approvement.
"Look, we can't focus on that dumb wolf now, we're on a time crunch and he can't attack us here. But Luan and the others can't stay on the Ferris wheel forever. Now that Lyle is probably with her, Kathleen will undoubtedly try to kidnap Lisa. We need to act right now, the sooner we film her in the act, the sooner we can leave this place, as well as One Eye."
Lynn's brow fell. "Yeah, 'bout that...have you figured out how to film Kathleen in the act? She must be suspicious now."
Before Lincoln could admit that he hadn't come up with a new plan, Ryan raised his hand high up.
"I know how we should do it. Lucy told me what you were trying to pull off, and frankly, I can't believe you were that foolish."
"What do you mean "foolish"?" Lincoln scowled.
"Kathleen's had months to perfect her "good girl" act, long before she met us. It's gonna take a lot to push her over the edge."
"Don't you think we've tried?" an irate Lynn replied. "We almost had her but then-"
"Taunting her won't be enough, she would have exposed herself long ago if it was that easy." Ryan shook his finger. "The way I see it, the only way to get that bitch to drop her act is to make her think that she has won."
"Won?" Lynn made a face.
"What are you suggesting, Ryan?" Lucy asked.
"I'm suggesting that we let those chumps kidnap Lizzie, and trail them, see where things go. Why..." Ryan had an epiphany "...if Kathleen realizes that Lizzie has lost her genius brain and all her troubles were for jack shit, she'll blow her top."
He empathized by miming an explosion, complete with improv sound effects. "If that doesn't make for some incriminating footage, I don't know what will."
"Let her kidpan Lisa? Have you gone completely mad?" Lincoln argued. "That would be putting Lisa in danger?"
"Hey, you need to crack some eggs to make an omelette." Ryan argued coolly. "Unless you have a better plan, Twinkle Toes? Like ya said, the clock is ticking."
Lynn grimaced and her mouth thinned out as she turned to Lincoln.
"Please don't tell me you're going to support him?" Lincoln deflated.
"Hate to say it, but he's right." Lynn sighed. "Nothing ventured, nothing gained."
"I agree with them." Lucy chimed in. "What else is there left to do?"
Humming miserably, Lincoln turned to Ryan. "Does Kathleen or anyone else know you're here?"
Ryan wanted to say "no" but after some thought, he gave a sheepish grin and rubbed the back of his head. "Well...I might have encountered Lyle when Lucy cut his line and taunted him as he flew over me. So...he knows that I am on your trail."
Lincoln groaned. "But...he doesn't know that you're here at the carnival?"
"Nope. I didn't see him and there is no way that dipshit was stealthy enough to follow me without me seeing him. Just like when he spied on me at my home the previous night."
"Swell..." Lincoln muttered while rubbing the bridge of his nose. He could still work with this. "Guess it's Ryan's plan then."
"Awesome! Now we're getting somewhere." Ryan grew excited.
"BUT... if anything happens to Lisa, I'm holding you responsible for it. Got that?" Lincoln told him sternly.
"Yeah, sure...whateves." Ryan waved his hand. "Let's just get down to business!"
"And what do we do with him?" Lucy pointed at Raza. The others glared at him and weighed out their options.
Ryan chuckled evilly and leaned down at the frightened vulture.
"Good news, Raz. If you don't like your boss so much, worry not. He won't bother you for very long, cuz I'll be collecting his hide soon enough. But we can't risk you getting cold feet and snitching on us again, now can we?"
"Will ya help me, Lynn?" he turned to the jock. "I know just what to do with this joker."
"Gladly!" Raza whimpered as Lynn grabbed his other wing and she and Ryan hoisted him off the ground.
"No! No! No! I'm too young to die!" Raza wept pathetically, digging his talons into the ground as he was dragged along by his wings.
Lincoln and Lucy followed after him, the former looking uncomfortable and the latter snickering in anticipation.
"Uhhh...this stuff is strong. That oughta put the birdbrain at ease." Ryan laughed after sniffing down an open barrel before he and Lynn pushed the bawling buzzard closer to it.
Lynn grabbed Raza by the back of his head and shoved it down the barrel, the smell burning his sinuses and making him thrash, with feathers flying everywhere. Ryan seized him by one leg, Lynn by the other, and they tipped him over.
Holding onto his feet, they forced the vulture down the barrel as he made gargling noises before Lynn jumped onto the nearby crate and kicked him in the backside, pushing his body further into the barrel while Ryan grabbed a wooden lid.
Pressing it onto the vulture's bottom, he sealed the barrel shut while Lynn brought him two nails and a hammer. Ryan wasted no time nailing the barrel shut.
Satisfied, he dusted his hands as the barrel shook.
Lucy frowned a bit. "Disappointing."
"At least he's gonna stay put that way." Lincoln told her. "Now let's rendezvous with Luan."
"I'll warn ya, Ryan. Luan's going through some serious "mime melancholy"." Lynn snorted.
"And what's that exactly?" Ryan asked.
"You'll see. It ain't pretty, I can tell ya that much."
"Wait! First, we need to set our roles straight." Lincoln stopped them. "Lucy, you're good at being glossed over by everyone, so wanna be on camera duty?"
He paused as he watched his little sister, her expression unreadable. "Umm...being inconspicuous is a very useful skill to have, especially for this sort of mission."
"Wicked. Filming Kathleen in the act will be a great honor. I shall not disappoint you." Lucy rubbed her hands. Lincoln sighed inwardly before turning to Ryan.
"Ryan, you're good at sneaking around. Keep an eye out for Kathleen's gang and make sure everything is going according to plan, but don't intervene unless it's absolutely necessary. Until we need to retrieve Lisa that is."
"No promises, chief." Ryan smiled cheekily. Lincoln ignored it, looked around, and got an idea before turning to Lucy again.
"Lucy, can you look for some clothes lying around and anything else that might be useful? I think Ryan could use a good disguise."
"As you wish, Lincoln." the goth nodded and went searching.
"And what are you and me supposed to do?" Lynn asked.
"We'll chaperone Lisa and Darcy...and..." Lincoln sighed in resignation "...fail at our task."
"If we're gonna "fail", who should we pick for nabbing Lizzie?" Ryan shot him a finger gun.
"Why does that matter?" Lynn asked.
"He might have a point." Lincoln scratched his head. "As far as we know...hopefully, there are only three people here doing Kathleen's bidding. We must make sure that none of them get wise to our plan."
"Lyle and Amber are both idiots, I wouldn't worry about them too much." Lynn scoffed and folded her arms. "I think Jenny is the only one who might get suspicious if she sees us suddenly being callous."
"That's true, but on the other hand, I faced Jenny on the yacht, and lemme tell you, she's a real nervous wreck. She might bungle the abduction and get us back to square one. Amber is probably the same but dumber..."
"Ah, so you're saying Lyle is our ideal kidnapper!" Ryan patted Lincoln on the back. "He has no scruples and he's too stupid to see through our act. The perfect candidate."
Lincoln bit his lip, nervous and unsure. Lynn was the opposite.
"Good idea, so we should probably distract Kathleen's yes-gals and make sure Lyle gets his hands on Lisa. Though that moron can't help but screw himself over the second he gets cocky, so we'll have to play extra dumb."
"But he's also the most unhinged." Lincoln said seriously.
"Don't worry. He knows he can't deliver damaged goods to Kathy." Ryan waved his hand. "The little squirt will be fine. Buuut...if he tries anything, I'll just break my promise about not intervening. Sound good?" he punched his palm for emphasis.
"If I don't beat ya to it." Lynn said snidely.
"I guess that's reassuring." Lincoln sighed when Lucy returned to them.
"I found some stuff." she was carrying a stack of clothing that obscured her head, with some hats and beach sandals on top of it. "See what fits you."
Lincoln contemplated. "Hmmm...can you find some makeup too?"
"What do we need makeup for?" Ryan asked while Lincoln dug into his backpack.
"Don't take this personally, Ryan."
"What now-AHHH!" Ryan cried in abject horror as he was sprayed by Lincoln, getting engulfed in a gassy white cloud.
He swatted it away, coughing, gagging, and clutching his throat. "What's the big idea? Are you trying to poison me?" he rasped.
"No, it's deodorant." Lincoln shrugged, holding a spray can.
"Yeah..." Lynn elbowed him "...even if Lyle and the girls don't recognize your mug, they'll recognize your rancid B.O."
Taking another whiff and wrinkling her nose, she shouted, "Not enough. Hit him again, Lincoln!"
The tent filled with Ryan's pain-filled screech once more.