TW: Child Sexual Assault

As the cycle goes Alfred becomes lonely and decides to download another dating app. With intense courage, he goes on his first date. Well it is not his first date, or really his second date either.

When he was in high school the sister of one of his soccer teammates wanted to go on a date with him. He got ice cream with his teammate's sister a couple times but Alfred did not have any feelings for her.

Alfred doesn't know how he found himself in this situation. Well he does because he can not say no.

Whenever someone looks him in the eye and makes a request he just says, "Yes."

The Tinder guy seemed nice. The conversion seemed innocent because all they messaged about was anime and music recommendations. Then they got into the topic of playlists that they have made. Alfred asked for the man to share a playlist with him, the man then responded, "I can share my playlist if you go on a date with me."

Alfred really wanted to hear the playlist. And the man seemed nice and sweet. He was also cute and nerdy. Alfred started to imagine what life could be like with this man. Could this man be the one?

Alfred liked the way the man asked him on a date. It was not creepy and it did not seem like he wanted to hook up. It was refreshing so Alfred said, "Okay, where should we go?"

They decided to meet at a sushi restaurant. The man said that he never had sushi before. Alfred was excited to meet him but also nervous.

Alfred arrived at the sushi restaurant thirty minutes early. He waited outside of the restaurant for fifteen minutes and then he saw the guy he was supposed to meet. Alfred did not know what to do or say and it was too late to run away. They guy went up to him and said, "Hi! Are you the guy from Tinder?"

Alfred did not know what to say so he just stood there frozen. The guy then continued, "We are supposed to get dinner, right?"

Alfred then responded, "Yes!"

On their walk Alfred did not know how to talk. He had never done this before. The silence was too much for him, so he looked around to find something to talk about. He then noticed the t-shirt the guy was wearing and said, "I like your t-shirt by the way, I love superhero movies."

This is when Alfred realized that he forgot his date's name. It was okay though because they walked inside and were seated at a table.

When they were seated they both ordered the special of the day. It included two sushi rolls and a miso soup. When the guy decided to order the same sushi as Alfred. He said, "I am sure that you have good taste."

When the sushi came out the guy stabbed with a fork and that made Alfred laugh. The guy eventually managed to get the sushi in his mouth and then told Alfred, "I now can say I like sushi."

"Well this will be interesting." Alfred thought.

Alfred and the man made a conversion about upcoming television shows they planned on watching. Alfred wondered about the guy's name the whole time.

When the waiter came and asked, "Will this be together or separate?"

Before Alfred could say "Separate", the man said, "together, I am paying."

Alfred was in shock, he thought that people usually paid for themselves on a first date. He even looked it up before leaving the house. Alfred then said, "You do not have to pay for me."

The man then smiled and said, "I know I don't have to pay, I want to."

After paying for the sushi they walked around nearby stores and even into a grocery store. They strolled through each aisle and were talking about the upcoming season of a new show. The man then looked at the time and said, "I have work in about an hour and am going to need to start going."

Alfred then said, "Okay I completely understand!"

The man looked at him and said, "I took the bus here, if you drive me to work then I can show you that playlist." Alfred thought this was weird. But Alfred also thought the guy was nice. Why did they have to get along so well? Fuck.

Alfred thought of the pros and cons of driving the man to work and then said, "Okay, I will drive you to work but just don't say anything about my messy car."

They then walked to Alfred's car. Alfred hated parking next to other people, so it was a far walk from the starting point of the restaurant.

As they approached his car Alfred started to get nervous. Alfred felt he could not could not back out from driving him home though. Alfred pointed to his car and said, "That blue one is mine."

Alfred then hopped in the drivers side and the man walked around the car and got into the other side and said, "Wow this car is so messy look at that fork."

There was in fact a plastic fork on the ground of Alfred's car. There was also a plastic bag next to the fork. This plastic bag was supposed to be the car trash can but items did not seem to make it into the makeshift trash can. Alfred did know if the man was joking and then said, "I had one rule, do not call my car messy and there you go calling my car messy."

They both laughed and the man played the playlist through his phone. Alfred pretended to like the music and then asked, "Please send me the playlist after you get off work." Alfred was happy and thought, "Maybe there are good people in this world."

When Alfred got home he reflected on his day. Then the doubt started to grow. The date was good but maybe it was not that good. Maybe the man thought he was weird. Maybe the man was just pretending to like what he liked.

No, No, No

Stop

No, No, No

Alfred then heard a Bing; come from his phone. The text read, "Do you want to go out to eat again? I will go anywhere you want to go?"

Alfred then responded, "Sure, just let me think of a place."

Alfred was excited about his date and called his brother. The ringing started and then it went to voicemail. Alfred did not leave a voicemail but decided to texted his bother, "Mattie please answer you fucking phone."

About 15 minutes later he got the call from his brother. Alfred answered the phone and said, "You know Mattie you have to answer my calls, what if I am in peril?"

Mattie responded, "Are you in peril?"

Alfred said, "no, but I could be and that's the point."

Alfred then saw smoke across the screen. Alfred then said, "Mattie you are such a pothead."

Mattie just laughed it off. A voice from the background yelled, "Stop being a fucking bitch! Stop hiding!"

Alfred laughed, "Is Tina playing video games?"

Tina, Matties girlfriend came from behind and said, "I am losing video games, Hi Alfred!"

Alfred then responded, "Hi Tina! Mattie, do you want to get lunch and go to the store or something?"

Mattie then said sure, "Sure, are you going to pick me up?"

In high school Alfred played soccer to please his very British father. Mattie on the other hand did not care about pleasing their father. Mattie chose to work his way up in the ranks of the anime club. This is where Mattie met Tina, his hot headed best friend. Later they would become boyfriend and girlfriend but in high school it was strictly platonic.

A lot of classmates did not know that Alfred and Mattie were related because they were never in the same classes. Mattie was in the same advance and honors classes as Kiku. Mattie used to try and tutor Alfred in math and science classes but that ended up with Alfred crying at the table too many times.

The last time that Alfred would let Mattie try to tutor him in math it ended with Mattie yelling at him, "Alfred, you are so stupid, we just went over this equation yesterday!"

After that Alfred would refuse to work on homework with Mattie and take the Ds and Cs on his assignments.

When Alfred was in elementary school he remembered his teacher talking to his dad about him getting tested for something he could not remember. His dad yelled to the teacher, "There is nothing wrong with my child!"

Arthur stormed out of the school.

Mattie on the other hand was a prodigy. His essays would be proudly posted on the refrigerator. And Mattie would always have 5 books to read over the summer for his advanced classes.

Since Alfred could not make his father proud academically he decided to make him proud through sports or more accurately soccer. He would watch it with his dad and pretend to care about who won. This was the one way they would bond. Other than soccer his dad would complain about how stupid Alfred was. Arthur would also put Alfred's failing papers on the refrigerator so he would have to see it in shame everyday.

Middle school Alfred got on the soccer team. One day at school, Alfred saw that the soccer team was having tryouts. He thought he should try out because it would be something he and his dad could bond over. He ran up to his dad in grade with the flier and said, "I am going to try out to be on the soccer team at school!"

His dad looked at him weirdly and said, "Usually people who play soccer are more physically fit? Do you really think that you will make the team?"

This was crushing, Alfred thought, "I am trying out for the team."

Trying out for the team did not mean that Alfred thought he could make the team. All Alfred wanted from his dad was support or some word of encouragement.

Alfred held back tears and said, "I am going to run everyday until I try out, and I will only eat salads!"

Arthur responded, "It looks like these tryouts are next week, do you think any of that would make a difference."

Mattie popped his head into the kitchen and said, "I'll run with you Alfred! I heard that it's easier to remember math formulas that way!"

That night Alfred and Mattie went outside to go running. They made it one block and Alfred was winded. Alfred said, "Mattie I do not think I can run anymore!"

Mattie responded, "Alfred, all people do in soccer is run! You need to build your stamina."

Alfred thought about this for a second and realized that he is in fact an idiot. He then said to Mattie, "You know Mattie, I do not want to try out for the soccer team. There is no way I'll make the team, and it will get in the way of my television watching."

Mattie responded, "Alfred, you only do not want to try out for the team because our dad is terrible to you! I cannot wait until you realize that what our father says does not really not matter."

A week passed and the day for soccer tryouts came. After the first run he did not go for any other runs that week. Alfred was not planning on going to the soccer tryouts anymore. Alfred went home the day of the tryouts and planned to watch television until his brother came back from a math-a-thon club trivia night.

Alfred walked through the door to the house and his dad was sitting on the couch waiting for him. Arthur said, "Isn't today the day of soccer tryouts?"

Alfred responded, "Yes but I have not been practicing, there is no way I would make the team."

Arthur had a weird smile on his face. When his dad would make this smile Alfred would avoid his Arthur. This did not sit right with Alfred. Arthur would usually act like this when he caught someone at work making a mistake. Arthur would come home on a power high and talk to papa how he fired someone at work. It always bothered Alfred that Arthur liked to fire people.

Arthur told Alfred, "Get on some proper clothes, you are going to the soccer tryouts!"

Alfred responded, "I do not want to play soccer anymore."

Arthur then looked at his watch and said, "I do not want to have to say this again, get ready for the tryouts, I am going to drive you there."

Alfred could feel his heart in his chest on the way to the school. He did not know why his dad was now supportive of this unrealistic dream. Alfred was wondering why his dad was being so weird. Alfred decided to stay quiet because something was not right.

When they got to the tryouts the coach who also happened to be his PE teacher made everyone run a couple laps. Alfred was last. Then the coach made the team run back and forth while dribbling a ball.

Alfred was last and could barely breathe. Alfred was embarrassed and wanted to cry. He could not even bear to look at the faces of the other boys.

The coach had them do a couple more exhausting exercises. It even got to the point where he told everyone else to start the next one while Alfred finished up the exercises he was behind on. The other boys started to leave one by one.

While Alfred was still running laps he heard the coach say, "Everyone will hear the results by next week!"

The coach yelled to Alfred, "You are doing so great! One more time and you are done!"

Alfred just wanted all this to be over so he could go home and cry. The tryouts were terrible but he could not stop. His dad was watching. Alfred saw his dad talking to the coach and when Alfred was close enough to hear their conversation his dad said, "Good job, are you ready to go home?"

Alfred did not feel he did a good job.

Alfred and Arthur quickly walked to the car. Once Alfred sat down Arthur turned to Alfred and said, "You know you are really out of shape, you might have had a chance of making the team if you snacked a little less."

Alfred did not know what to say, he was already embarrassed. He chose to stay quiet.

Arthur then continued, "I checked your grades today and you have two Ds, three Cs, and one A. The A is in PE. So I thought, maybe you did have some talent in soccer. I guess in America everyone gets an A in PE. Does everyone get an A in PE?"

Alfred did not feel like talking, and he just sat there looking out the window. Arthur then said, "Alfred, I asked you a question."

Alfred then responded, "Mr. Tim, the soccer coach, always says that all he cares about is people try to participate in the activities. If people try then they get their points for the day. The class is mostly attendance."

Arthur was then silent for a while. They pulled into their driveway and Arthur turned to Alfred and said, "Alfred are you good at anything?"

This made Alfred run into the house to cry.

When Alfred got to his bedroom there was someone else already crying on his bed. It was Mattie. Alfred decided that he could not cry until he figured out why Mattie was crying. Alfred sat on the end of his bed and said, "Mattie what happened?"

Mattie with glassy eyes said, "I am not going back to school, I can't. Dad and papa can't make me!"

Alfred said, "What happened? Did you do bad in your math thing?"

Mattie then curled up into himself and said, "I got first place at the math thing."

Alfred with words of encouragement then said, "Well then why are you crying? You can tell me anything, and I need to know so I can help you."

Mattie responded, "I do not know how to say it. You can't help me."

They sat in silence and Alfred listened to Matties breathing. Alfred then said, "Did someone hurt you?"

Mattie then sat up and said, "Did someone hurt me? The math teacher told me to stay behind after the math competition to talk to me. He then…"

Mattie paused and did not continue.

Alfred and Mattie had this same math teacher. Mattie was in the advanced math class while Alfred was behind in math. Their math teachers name was Mr. Shoe and would make Alfred stay after school. Mr. Shoe would make Alfred practice math equations until Alfred started to cry.

When Alfred would cry Mr. Shoe would rub his back and comb his hand through his hair. It made Alfred feel loved. Alfred also had a deal with his math teacher, that if he practiced equations after school he would get extra credit. The extra credit was the only way he was passing math.

Alfred did not know what Mr. Shoe could do, he was so nice. Alfred said, "I don't know what Mr. Shoe could have done to make you like this. He is always so nice and he is the only reas-"

Mattie cut Alfred off and yelled, "He touched my private parts! Then he told me not to tell anyone or he would do it to you too! We both are not going back to school!"

Alfred did not know what to say.

Alfred did not have to say anything because Arthur slammed the door open. Arthur then said, "Matthew, I am going to call the police. Go to the kitchen and wait!"

The next day was a blur. There were people who wanted to talk to Mattie and people who wanted to talk to Alfred. The whole time Mattie refused to leave Alfred's side. Mattie told his story of what happened with Mr. Shoe.

It was awful.

Arthur was also in the room during the interviews and would throw in some cussing and unhelpful comments on the 'American Education System.' The police officer was done questioning Mattie he asked Alfred, "What was your experience with Mr. Shoe?"

Alfred was heartbroken that his teacher could do something like this to his brother. He then said, "Mr. The Shoe was always so nice to me."

The police officer then said, "Has Mr. Shoe ever touched you inappropriately like he did your brother."

Alfred then responded, "No, he was always nice to me!"

The policeman then asked, "What does it look like when he is nice to you?"

There were so many times that Mr. Shoe was nice to Alfred. Alfred thought and said, "Well, he always tells me that I am smart and that math is hard for most people. I really like when he tells me I am smart. I know he is lying though because I have failed all of his tests. Sometimes he would comb his hands through my hair and give me massages. But he never touched me inappropriately. He never touched me like Mattie. He never touched me down there."

The room was silent. It felt like Alfred was missing something. Mattie and Alfred had to speak to a social worker. Alfred never saw Mr. Shoe again.

Later the same week Mr. Shoe got fired, Alfred also found out he made the soccer team. The coach said that he could be the 'waterboy.' He still has to go to all the practices and run with the team.

In 8th grade he decided to not tryout for the soccer team. The coach then pulled him from one of his classes and said, "Alfred, I saw that you missed the soccer tryouts. You do know everyone has to tryout every year to re-get on the team."

Alfred knew this and said, "I do not want to be on the team again."

The coach responded, "The team needs you and we all enjoy you being there, please come back."

Alfred thought of all the people he was friends with at school. They were all on the soccer team. He also ate lunch with them.

Alfred did not want to disappoint his coach so he responded, "Okay, when can I tryout again?"

Alfred found himself on the soccer team throughout middle school and high school. But Alfred never felt like he belonged on the soccer team.