Wearing a black cowboy outfit with chest pockets, a holster on his beige khakis and long, brown cowboy boots, as well as a black cowboy hat to really finish off the look, Chris McLean walks into frame to the sound of a Western soundtrack, in front of the Wild West set.
"Last time on ye olde Total Drama Action," His voice is doing a poor impression of an American southern drawl as the footage cuts into the previous episodes. "Trent finally got his act together in order to show Gwen he were a winner. Aaaand it failed, since she and Duncan were off sneakin' about around MY stuff. Not cool, partners. We set off to the beach for a groovy time, but it seemed like Justin was the only one truly in the spirits, as he was playing up his handsome charms from dusk till dawn. Tyler failed to save Lindsay from him, and is now paying the price with his honor. Meanwhile, Cody advised Gwen to dump Trent once and for all, and she's still undecided even as his number nine/Gwen obsession rages on like a blistering tornado!"
The footage cuts back to Cowboy Chris, swinging two water guns around. "Today, we'll be settling all these disputes and more the right way. So don't turn tail, because this is…
Total!
Drama!
Action!"
A clapper slams shut over the camera.
The catchy theme song begins playing over an intro sequence.
The first shot depicts a bag of popcorn on the floor being eaten by a raccoon, followed by a close-up of a camera perched up in a bird's nest over a stage light, and lastly Chef Hatchet trying on a beautiful, see-through pink dress in a velvet room, just before he realizes he's being filmed and Chris appears, slamming a clacker down that forces the camera to fall down into a pool of water.
Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doing fine.
You guys are on my mind.
Harold, in his street clothes balancing on a surfboard, dodges seagulls being fired at him through a baseball launcher, one of which hitting him in the nose and causing him to fall into the pool below.
You asked me what I wanted to be
And now I think the answer is plain to see.
Duncan laughs, revealing himself as the one who was firing the shots. To his right, Tyler jumps to regain control of the gun, only for Duncan to use it on him, causing him to run out the door as the delinquent continues to laugh.
I wanna be famous.
We zoom out of that set to the beach, where Beth is suntanning with Cody, the latter reading a doujin with a lewd anime girl on the cover while Beth has her hands behind her head and a pair of sunglasses over her eyes, her braceless teeth shining.
I wanna live close to the sun
So pack your bags 'cause I already won.
We pan toward two pillars, featuring Heather and LeShawna standing on one each, battling each other with foam batons. They each get some decent hits in, but LeShawna is able to get a better one that knocks Heather's wig off of her head, revealing her baldness.
Everything to prove nothing in my way
I'll get there one day.
The brunette wig falls into a pot of food on a stove, which DJ peppers with a pink shaker, a heart as the label. He grabs a spoon and takes a sip of the broth, which he finds delicious.
'Cause I wanna be famous.
Lindsay, nervous as she watches the monitors, clicks a button that detonates a bomb, destroying a random building with Owen and Izzy inside, the couple still making out on a couch despite the blast around them. This appears to be an accident, if her terrified face of regret is anything to go off.
Na-na-na-na-na-na!
Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na!
Justin walks in front of Owen and Izzy, posing, showing off his muscles and kissing the camera before Izzy jumps on his back and bites his neck, scaring him into running away with her still on his back. Owen chases after them, right in front of a limousine.
I wanna be, I wanna be
I wanna be famous!
The limousine passenger seat opens, revealing Trent and Gwen. Trent stares at Gwen romantically, his arm wrapped around her shoulder, while Gwen forces a smile his way, hugging herself awkwardly. Trent motions his hand, and the camera follows the new pathway he's created.
I wanna be, I wanna be
I wanna be famous!
The camera soars past paparazzi into a talk show set, where the peanut gallery as well as the contestants from this season, whistle the instrumentals of the theme song while Geoff and Bridgette prepare to lock lips, only to realize they're being filmed and stop before their lips can meet, a blush on both of their faces.
Total Drama Action: The Creeps Cut
Written by voicefromunderthecovers
In Chef's kitchen inside of the craft services tent, DJ washes the dishes while wearing an apron that says 'kiss the cook' while Chef sits on the counter behind him, swinging his legs back and forth with his eyes narrowed on DJ's backside. "So… son." DJ twitches at the nickname. Chef smirks as he notices. "I've been thinking.. Outside of the animal stuff, I mean."
DJ sighs. "Why are you trying to relate to me?"
Chef jumps off the counter. "You're my future son! What kinda father would I be if-"
DJ turns around, his hands still dripping wet. "You are not, and never will be my dad."
Chef walks up to DJ, hands behind his back. "Is that what you want your poor, fragile mother hearing on the TV, DJ? You want me texting her that information?"
DJ tries to keep a fierce glare back at the grizzly looking man, fists tightened. But… his composure falls and his face slides down from rebellion to compliance. "...No."
Chef grits his teeth. "Then tell me.. Your hobbies."
DJ turns around to continue scrubbing the dishes. "I play football in high school. Or used to, I guess, seeing as I'll be missing half the final year of school."
Chef nods. "Uh-huh.. Were you a QB?"
"Wide receiver." DJ answers.
In a rage, Chef juts forward. "So you're the quarterbacks BITCH?!"
DJ recoils, but doesn't stop rinsing his dishes. "No! If anything it's the other way around!"
Chef narrows his eyes at him. "Okay, okay.. What else?"
DJ shrugs. "I knit."
"Lame."
"I surf."
"Oh come on, what are you, a sissy?"
DJ scoffs. "Surfing is not a strictly feminine activity!"
"Tell that to your friend Bridgette!" Chef jabs a finger in DJ's backside.
"Geoff surfs too."
"And he wears pink."
"You wear dresses. "
Chef blushes, blinking awkwardly before clearing his throat. "O-okay.. Pink isn't feminine.. Anything else, my darling son?"
DJ sighs, turning off the water to flick his hands dry. "I like to cook. Me and my mom cook together back at home. To be honest, it's always been a dream of mine to open up a restaurant with her."
"Well why didn't you tell me sooner? We're practically blood." Chef drags him in by the shoulder.
"Because…! Oh nevermind." The gentle giant slumps his shoulders.
"From now on… you are my sous chef! Which means you'll be making all the meals on my time, with MY ingredients. You understand, son?" Chef questions, raising his unibrow.
"What? You can't do that! You work with rotten, nasty ingredients. It's unethical to feed people that stuff." DJ refutes.
"That's why you have to fix it, son. Didn't I explain this to you? Now, get to fixin', your dumb teammates will be in this tent within an hour. And if you don't… I'll make sure your team loses this next challenge." Chef whispers into his ear.
DJ groans, walking away while mumbling some choice words under his breath.
(Confessional: DJ)
"As if things couldn't get any worse. Of course I've gotta cook for him now, too. But how am I gonna sleep at night feeding my friends this poison? There's gotta be some way I can actually fix this. Not just microwave it with a moist napkin 'till it's soft… hey, wait a minute. I got it! I'll make a dose of Momma Spice! That stuff gives everything at least three more points of quality."
(Confessional end)
Duncan slowly opens his eyes while laying in bed, the form of a slightly taller, black haired figure looming over him. He jumps awake, realizing it's Trent holding a struggling Cody under his armpit. Trent pokes Duncan in the forehead with a finger. "Ah!" Duncan jumps.
"What were you and Gwen doing in that boathouse last night, huh?! You get to third base with her, you homewrecking punk?" The guitarist grills.
Duncan swats Trent's hand away. "For the last time, Elvis, nothing happened. We fooled around with some stupid fish and then cleaned up the cabin and fell asleep on opposite sides of the floor on cold metal buckets."
"Is that so? That's all that happened?" Trent skeptically questions.
"Yes. That's all." Duncan replies.
"Trent… Come on.. Why do I have to be involved in this?" Cody gasps, struggling to breathe.
"Because Gwen told me she talked to you recently when I asked her about you two! I know you're plotting, both of you! You wanna cuck me, just like Geoff did, admit it!" Trent stammers. Luckily for him, every other guy is taking a shower or a dump. Duncan stands up and pins Trent by the shoulders to the wall, disengaging Cody physically from the conflict.
"Nobody wants to cuck you, you fucking freak. You're doing all of this to yourself. Gwen and I are just friends. Everyone else is over this dumb Gwen and Geoff shit, and I get it! She kissed another man. So dump her if you can't take that. I know she should have dumped your ass when you cheated. Or, hey, you can suffer in silence. But the next time you get up in my face, I'll make SURE yours looks like your broken goddamn guitar."
"Get your hands off me." Trent softly demands. Duncan releases him from his grip and takes a few steps back.
"So, uh… now that we're all friends.. Anybody want some gum?" Cody questions sheepishly, standing between the two with a piece of bubblegum in hand. Both guys glare daggers at each other before Trent walks out of the cabin, muttering something about taking the boys out of Gwen's life for good. Duncan folds his arms, never taking his eyes off the direction he storms off in.
"Fucking asshole. What does Gwen see in that guy?" Duncan mutters under his breath.
"A lot. But… I think it's just about over." Cody explains solemnly.
"What are we going to do? We can't let this continue." Duncan asks, pacing back and forth around the trailer.
"I'm actually glad you brought it up! I already told Gwen that things are getting too dicey, but now all we gotta do is tell her about what literally just happened." Cody replies.
"Threatening to kill us is definitely gonna send Gwen over the edge. He did just say that, right?" Duncan says.
Cody grins, giving a thumbs up. "That's what I heard. I'll totally be your witness."
Duncan gives the nerd a pat on the back. "You're a lot cooler than the average dork, you know that, dude?"
"Really? Thanks, man. You're way nicer than most of my high school bullies." Cody replies.
"Operation kill Gwent is a go." The two shake on it, smiling at each other.
"It's breakfast time, campers!" Chris' jolly voice yells over the loudspeaker.
Lindsay raises her plastic spork to Justin's face in the craft services tent, while Beth fans him with a pink Japanese fan. "Okay, open wide now, Justin~" Lindsay chirps, zooming the spork full of eggs into his mouth. Justin cringes, but decides to chomp down and chew, his expression changing from absolute disgust to pleasant. He licks his lips and moans.
"Mm! This is delicious! What on earth happened to Chef?"
"It is? I wanna try!" Beth squeals, eagerly lifting some of Justin's eggs into her mouth with her own spork, her eyes turning to hearts with just one bite. "It tastes like how you look!~" She tells Justin, her fists curling upwards. Lindsay tries a bite and has a similar reaction.
"So yummy! Tyler, why don't you try?" Lindsay offers her fork stabbing her eggs to Tyler, who is laying his head on the table with his arms hugging his hair. Trent rubs his back like a cat while he glares across the room at the Gaffers.
"No thanks…" Tyler mopes.
"More for me!" Owen exclaims, reaching over the table to down Tyler's plate of eggs.
"Okay," Lindsay turns without trying for even a second more. "Justin, can I keep feeding you? You did save me from those sharks, after all. I owe you!"
"Lindsay, I'd really, really like that." Justin responds, rubbing the blonde's chin as she bites her bottom lip and continues spoon feeding him.
From across the room, Heather scribbles down notes on her homework textbook, observing the trio closely.
(Confessional: Heather)
"For the last couple of days, I've been studying Lindsay, Beth and Justin's little poly group. Justin was a strong opponent last season that I needed to eliminate early on, but now he's not on my team anymore. If he makes merge this season, he'll rule the game and I won't be able to use Beth, Lindsay, Owen, or ANY girl in the competition for that matter. I could make him unattractive… but I can't resort to shaving his head off. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. Besides, what if he slays bald? Ugh! Beth is impossible to coerce, so…. Maybe targeting Lindsay is the best way to go about it. And that sad, pathetic little jock she's dating might be the best way to get Lindsay away from Justin."
(Confessional end)
"Ladies, Owen, huddle up for a second?" Justin asks, pulling Lindsay and Beth in by their shoulders.
(Confessional: Beth)
"I know! Me, huddling up with Justin! It's like we were meant to be! I really hope Brady understands that even if we really clicked, my destiny is to be with Justin. It says so on my horoscope!" She opens her phone, clearing her throat. "Ahem. 'Today, all Scorpios will be knocking 'em back.' That has to be in relation to the man of my dreams, right? I'm so excited!"
(Confessional: Justin)
"Running this game has been really easy so far. The people on my team are all idiots, 'cept for Trent, who's just batshit insane and not noticing what's going on beneath his very nose. I need to start capitalizing on that right now, or else who knows? I could be eliminated for calling someone crazy out loud!"
(Confessional end)
"What is it, Justin? I was kinda over here enjoying my grub." Owen questions, scooching into the group.
"Here's the deal: I think that you guys are not only the strongest players on our team right now, but also some of the most special people in my life." Justin explains.
"For real?" Lindsay gasps.
"I had a feeling, ehehe." Beth gloats.
The model continues. "Because of that, I don't wanna see you go home. And we could all benefit from keeping each other safe and keeping things running smoothly on the team. So, I'm proposing-"
"YES! OH GOD YES, JUSTIN! I'LL MARRY YOU!" Beth pops off, clinging onto Justin with a steel grip, getting everyone's attention in the tent.
"Hey! I saw him first!" Lindsay yells, hands on her hips. Justin pushes Beth to the floor and puts a finger over Lindsay's lips, shushing her while chuckling nervously at his fellow contestants. Beth stands on her knees, clasping her hands together while whimpering.
"What I was gonna say , was that I propose a four-way-"
"Yes! Yes, oh god yes!" Owen shouts, pumping his fists.
"No! A four-way alliance."
"Oh. That's cool too. I can agree with that." Owen replies.
"I totally agree to that! As long as there are no mean rules like Heather's alliance from last season." Lindsay states.
"No rules whatsoever! Very relaxed. It'll be like a… partnership~" Justin winks at Lindsay, the blonde blushing hard. Tyler groans at the table.
"And I join too! I feel the exact same way, Justin." Beth says, love in her eyes. Justin forces a smile at her.
"Beautiful."
(Confessional: Owen)
"I was gonna split the money with E-Scope if I won, but think about it: she'd probably either destroy the world, or become a dictator with all that cash. That means the responsible thing to do for both of our sakes, is to blow it all on a cheese cellar. Woohoo, cheese cellar here I come!"
(Confessional end)
LeShawna eats another piece of egg with her mouth watering, her eyes rolling back in ecstasy. "Mm-mm-mm! That hits the spot! What happened to nasty, rotten food for breakfast?"
Harold gobbles down a spoonful of egg and hums. "The texture is still wet and dry at the same time, which is gross, but the flavor is on a whole other level. Whatever Chef did, he didn't alter the ingredients, he altered the spices."
DJ, taking notice of their conversation, clears his throat. "Actually… It wasn't Chef."
LeShawna and Harold exchange a look before the former leans across the table. "For real? This was you?! Tell us your secret."
DJ backs up. "No way! I swore to my Momma that the recipe for Momma Spice would be a secret until the day I die. The restaurant I wanna open with the money would have that spice as a cornerstone for every meal."
"Even dessert?" LeShawna asks, her mouth watering.
DJ nods. "Especially dessert. You should try her pumpkin white chocolate balls. They're to die for."
"Dang, that does sound really good." Harold says, fantasizing about the food he may or may not eat someday.
"Oh yeah, that's why it's gotta be used as sparingly as possible so nobody will deduce the recipe." DJ whispers, "Especially Owen."
"Seconds please!" Owen calls.
"Dude, that's like your fourth plate." Justin replies from across the room.
LeShawna strokes her chin suspiciously. "Speaking of sparingly… why use it on us in the first place?"
DJ shrugs. "I needed test subjects my age to see if your palettes could register the flavor."
Harold leans over the table. "Okay, but why for Chef? I don't remember you giving out food last season, and I was on your team. So why now?"
DJ sweats. "Well… uh-"
"And furthermore, I noticed you sneaking out of your trailer this morning. And the morning before. And then you appear first thing in the morning before everyone else in the craft service tent."
"Well… that's just 'cause…" DJ trails off, looking away shamefully.
"DJ, why are you doing all of this? You hate Chef." LeShawna questions, her eyebrow raised.
"I know, I know! But he said he'd divorce my mom if I refused him." DJ replies, stressed.
"Isn't that what you want?" Harold asks.
"Yes! I mean.. It's complicated. I thought about it more, and if my Momma's happy, and.. And Chef likes her like that- w-who am I to break them up? And what if Momma resents me for it? She's never felt this way about a man before. Never. Not after dad passed. So… I dunno. It's just.. It feels wrong splitting them up." DJ explains sadly.
LeShawna folds her arms over her chest. "But it feels wrong keeping them together too, right?"
DJ doesn't say anything, sighing sadly.
"Wait, what?" Gwen whispers from across the group, surrounded by Duncan and Cody on either side of her ear.
"He threatened to kill us over you."
"I was there! Duncan's right! He even told us that if we didn't stay away from you forever, he'd do it!"
"Are you really gonna let yourself be walked all over by that degenerate?"
"Meds or no meds, Trent cheated on you on international TV."
"You deserve better."
"Absolutely. Come on, Gwen. He's violent. I can't…"
"We won't,"
"See you like this anymore."
Gwen pulls herself out of her bench, clenching her fists furiously as she stands up and storms toward Trent, wrath filling her eyes. Trent is caught off guard by her appearance, shaking his head before forcing a smile. "Hey, babe. Y-you uh have a good night's sleep?"
Everyone is watching. Gwen sighs shakily. "You threatened to kill Duncan and Cody because they're my friends who just so happen to be male? You do know I'm bisexual, right? And committed? To you?"
"What are you trying to say?"
"That your paranoia should extend to everyone in this room if you think I'm such an easy slut."
The room fills with gasps, oohs and ahhs. Trent blushes, pulling sweat from his hair. "Yeah, well.. You don't trust me either. That's why you went behind my back with Geoff, right?"
"Yeah, actually. Makes me wonder why we're even still together."
"Because I love you? And you love me? Duh. Besides, you can't live without me. A-and I sure as hell won't live without you."
"God, you're so pathetic. How am I only seeing it now?"
"Because you don't really know me, Gwen. You sabotage me, you go behind my back, sting my trust!"
"Sting YOUR trust?! You fucked Heather behind my back-"
"Oh this shit again? What happened to forgiving me over that? Huh?" Trent's voice booms. Gwen sighs, closing her eyes.
"I never forgave you, Trent. I said I did. I have never, not once, actually believed in you past that moment. I'll admit, I've been wrong. Multiple times. I got attached to you, I got jealous of my own mother noticing how handsome and talented you are, I stayed quiet whenever I had a problem with you until I let it all boil over onto one of my closest friends' relationships. I fucked up with Geoff. But worse yet, I let your tantrums slide because I'm mentally ill too. But my illness is not an excuse to keep myself tethered to you. In fact, you've made me worse!" Gwen puts her hand on her chest, her face frustrated yet passionate.
"Cody helped me with my dad by sending you to comfort me in the finale. LeShawna had my back whenever I needed her. Duncan has been making my life so much easier by keeping me company while you glare from afar. You have done nothing but make my life worse. I have never been more reliant on sex to feel something in a relationship - I-I had a dependency on you like I was jonesing when you got eliminated last season. And that was after you slept with another woman. You took my virginity. And that might not mean anything to you, but it meant something to me. These guys helped me." She points behind her at her teammates. "You hurt me. And I hurt you." Trent tightens his fist.
"So what, you're breaking up with me? I-is that it?" Trent asks, a slight chuckle in his tense voice. Gwen hesitates, but opens her mouth to answer, only for Chris to enter in his cowboy outfit, chewing on a piece of wheat.
"Howdy, partners! Take a seat, get comfy and curl up with a loved one , because it's time for a little campfire tale." He approaches the couple, putting his hands on their shoulders in the center of the tent. Chef groans, putting down his bowl of popcorn before disappearing behind the kitchen again. Gwen and Trent sit down at their respective tables, glaring at each other venomously. Duncan notices how hard she's breathing and places a hand on her shoulder. She holds it down, much to Trent's frustration.
(Confessional: Trent)
Trent struggles to scribble tally marks into the wall of the make-up room with some lipstick, muttering "one, two, three-" as Chef tries to yank him off.
"Come on, boy, you're ruining my favorite wall!"
(Confessional end)
"Today's movie genre? The wild, wild west!" Chris pulls out two water guns and blasts them in the air, spraying both teams with cold water, much to their annoyance.
"Please tell me today is an elimination challenge." Trent growls.
"Oh, it is. Don't you worry about that." Chris states.
Trent grins, mimicking a noose pull at his girlfriend. "Perfect." Gwen rolls her eyes.
"Wild west movies are awesome! Same with wild west games. I sunk like, a thousand hours into Red Dead 2's story ALONE!" Cody enthuses to Harold.
Duncan smiles. "I can dig the wild west. Outlaws, criminals, bounties.."
"I'll gun you down in a standoff no problem, douche-can." Trent mocks.
Duncan rolls his eyes. "Aaaaaand ya made it lame. How do you do that so well?"
"Hush!" Chris squirts Trent and Duncan with the guns, making them sputter and wave their arms.
"Ooh, I hope there's a challenge where the stoic love interest harps on the girl of his dreams and they go horseback riding..~" Beth muses, cuddling Justin's arm. He chuckles awkwardly.
Chris tips his hat to the odd couple. "You'll find out in ten minutes, once you meet me at the wild west set. You all remember where that is, right?" Crickets. "Good!"
Right outside of a tavern called 'The Tumblin' Weed', Chris holds the double swinging door open. The teens pile into the bar and stand in the dusty foyer. The space is pretty small, practically a box with windows, a counter, a piano with none other than Chef Hatchet behind the keys, and a few jugs of something sinister labeled 'xxx' sitting on the bar counter. Chris follows them in, the doors swinging shut behind him.
"Howdy, y'all! Our first challenge is a little favorite of mine: a drinking competition!" The host exclaims.
"Woah, woah, woah. Drinking? Like… alcohol?" Beth's eyes go big and watery.
"Pretty sure that's illegal." Heather states.
"And?" Duncan responds, unbothered.
"It IS illegal. Canadian law states you must be at least nineteen years old or older to drink alcohol." Harold explains, pulling up the statistics on his phone. Duncan pushes his phone down to the floor, making the battery from his android fall out the back. He scrambles to the ground to fix it. "Hey! Smooth moves, dorkahontas!" Duncan snickers, nudging Gwen's shoulder so she sees it too. But she's locked in a deadly glare-down with her boyfriend.
Chris rolls his eyes. "I know it's illegal. The executives told us the challenge was a no from the jump unless your parents signed all these waivers, and you were strictly observed by the most responsible professionals, and it would all have to be censored. And that sounds incredibly lame. So instead, you won't be trying to hold down an alcoholic cider, you'll be swigging down.. Apple cider vinegar!"
"Ooh, I do that already for my diet! This should be easy!" Lindsay exclaims.
"Mm.. yeah. Easy." Justin groans, forcing himself to look composed.
(Confessional: Justin)
"Name a fad diet. I've tried it to keep my beautiful physique. But the whole apple cider vinegar thing was SO not my jam. I threw up every time I tried to drink that crap. This challenge is gonna be next to impossible!"
(Confessional end)
"Oh, but it's not JUST apple cider vinegar, my rootin' tootin' contestants."
"Ooh, I knew there'd be a catch." LeShawna mumbles under her breath.
"This is a drink consisting of kale, grapefruit, and anchovies. Chef made the recipe up himself. It's called: The Black Plague." The host reveals.
Chef plays 'dun, dun, duuuuun.' on the piano for dramatic effect, grinning ear to ear as the contestants turn toward him.
"Okay, so how do we win?" Tyler asks, not noticing the bald manipulator moseying up behind him before she wraps her arms around his neck and lifts one foot up femininely. His eyes go wide.
"Oh, Tyler, don't you worry your pretty little head about any of that!~" She kisses the air, directing each kiss at his chiseled cheek. Tyler recoils in disgust, trying to pull away.
"Get away from me, Heather!" He whines, pushing at her stomach as she mumbles baby talk at him, raising everyone's brows. Everyone but Lindsay's, who is absolutely furious.
"What do you think you're doing with my boyfriend, Heathen?" Lindsay questions, hands on her hips.
"Oh, me? Nothing. Me and Tyler are just very good friends." Heather explains confidently.
"I literally hate you, bro." Tyler replies.
Lindsay gasps. Heather smirks.
(Confessional: Lindsay)
"Everybody knows, the first step towards stealing someone's man is getting under his skin! Tyler won't be able to stop thinking about that cow, and then he'll totally leave me! What am I going to do?"
(Confessional: Heather)
"And just like that, Lindsay remembers who her real boyfriend is. Hopefully this sinks Justin's chances of a successful post merge alliance at least a little bit."
(Confessional end)
Justin's hand finds Lindsay's tense shoulder. "Lindsay, Lindsay, relax.. We still have a challenge to win. You can rip Heather limb from limb after… and as a reward for your patience, maybe I'll let you put on my sunscreen. Huh? Huh?"
"What did you say, Justin? I was too busy getting lost in your eyes…" Lindsay mindlessly mutters, like butter in his arms.
"Oh come on!" Tyler and Heather bark in unison.
"Ahem," Chris clears his throat gently to get everyone's attention back. "To win this challenge, you have to finish off your drinks. Each member of the team gets one shot to guzzle the Plague down, and if it comes back up your mouth, your goose is cooked and you officially lose a point for your team. The team with the most drinks finished wins an advantage in part two. Any questions?" Owen raises his hand. Chris sighs. "Yes, Owen?"
"So, what if we wanna help our teammates drink the Plague, so we finish it off for them?"
"Nope, no drinking for your teammates. You get one shot and that's it. Now, are you cowpokes ready to show which one of ya's is superior?" Chris holds one of his fake guns up with a grin. The teams get into positions in front of the bar counter, grabbing their drinks. They all nod. "Okay, ready… set… Action!"
PEW!
A live round flies into the ceiling, dropping a rat to the floor with a sizable hole through its chest. "I really should start checking if these rounds are for real or not before I fire them." The host says.
Cody takes one whiff of his drink and goes green, gasping before sputtering out a few aggressive coughs. Duncan brings the opening to his lips and hesitantly tastes it, only to slam the cup down and shudders. "Ugh! It tastes like vomit, dude!"
Harold smells the contents of the bottle and makes a face, gritting his teeth. LeShawna holds her bottle up and swallows. "Bottoms up.." She drinks some and immediately regrets her decision, her eyes bugging out before she slams the bottle down and coughs a lung out. Chef starts playing the piano dramatically.
"Ooh, that oughta put hair on your chest!" Chef cackles. "Drink up, DJ!"
DJ takes the bottle marked with his initials and nervously swallows before grabbing the handle and closing his eyes, swigging down a… perfectly fine cup of iced tea. "Huh… it's not that bad, honestly. You guys are struggling with this?" DJ continues drinking once his teammates struggle to find any words to respond.
Lindsay vomits across the bar counter, her skin a gnarly pale. "Lindsay! Oh no!" Before Tyler can even take a drink, he runs toward her and catches her, her body weakly twitching.
"It tastes like how my diet smells.." She weakly tells him. Determined, Tyler sits her down on a stool and grabs his drink, slugging down the whole bottle with a grossed out expression in his eyes. He rubs his lips clean with his sleeve and proudly displays his empty cup with a burp.
"Done!"
"Tyler scores a point for his team! Nice!" Chris states. Tyler throws the jar down like a football during touchdown, his girlfriend latching around him while grinning. Tyler smirks proudly.
(Confessional: Justin)
"Ugh. Well, that's annoying. Now I'll have to whisper into Lindsay's ear again to distract her from her boyfriend. So lame."
(Confessional end)
Trent picks up his cup, and Gwen follows with the same vigor, their eyes locked as their lips effortlessly purse to accommodate the jug now tilting up to their mouths. He tilts his head back and swallows down load after load of Black Plague. In response, Gwen does the same. The two guzzle down Chef's poisonous concoction with sour, red cheeks and closed eyes, before gasping for air at the end of the bottles, putting the jugs down with enough force to crack them both.
"Finished.." They say in unison. Chris grabs them by the shoulders and pulls them close.
"That's two for the Grips, one for the Gaffers. Aww, so happy you guys got to finish together~" The host teases mirthly, chuckling at their misery.
"No thanks." Gwen shoves Chris away, walking toward the exit. Trent shoves Chris, too, but simply folds his arms over his chest and looks away. On her way out the door, Gwen feels something coming back up, her hand flying to her mouth. Trent gasps, smirking triumphantly.
"Come on… puke for me, baby!" Trent whispers sadistically. Cody and Duncan give him a look of disgust. Gwen rushes through the door, the sound of vomiting following right outside. "Yes!" The guitarist celebrates, pumping his fist.
"Dude, you are seriously messed up." Duncan tells Trent, walking away from him. Cody follows him.
"Whatever, psycho." Trent replies.
"Dude, take a look in the mirror sometime." Cody says, turning back to Trent to glare at him. Trent shoos him away.
Chris recoils at the sound of more vomit exiting Gwen's lips outside. "Ooh! So close. Guess that's still 2-0, then."
LeShawna closes her eyes, whispering a prayer as she lifts the jug up to her lips and takes another sip. Within seconds, she gags on the lid and buries herself under the counter to puke it all up. Chris laughs himself into hysterics. "MAN! Can the Gaffers get a single point here?!"
"Finished!" Beth exclaims, licking her lips with her jug held high. Her team looks at her like she's crazy.
"How did you do that so fast?" Tyler asks.
"Back on my parents' barn, when the sheeps would get lockjaw from eating too much too fast, I'd blend grass in smoothies and drink it with them to make their meals feel more natural. Barnyard animals are kinda scared of blenders and smoothies, 'cause they don't really have those in the wild." Beth explains, grinning ear to ear. Justin projectile vomits at the wall behind the counter.
"That… is sick, Beth. Sick." The model insults.
"Aww, thanks, Justin! I think you're really cool, too." The geek replies. Justin swallows bile in his throat uneasily. His blend sits in front of him undrinked.
"Come on, you guys gotta drink, the Grips got us 3-1!" DJ demands, looking down at Duncan, Heather and Harold as they struggle to even look inside of their jugs.
"How on earth did YOU drink this with no problem?" Heather questions.
"It's really not even that bad. I could hardly even taste the kale." DJ explains.
Duncan shrugs. "Makes sense. You're a vegan, you people eat horse manure all day."
"Actually, manure is an animal byproduct. Vegans don't consume such products, meaning DJ would have no idea how to-" Harold's Harold-splaining is interrupted by a swift kick from Duncan's foot into the geek's calf, landing him on his back and his jug out of his hands, falling directly into his mouth.
"Zip it, dork. I didn't ask." Duncan mocks.
Harold suckles down his drink like a baby sucks down a bottle of milk, his eyes wide and his skin progressively getting paler and paler. He finishes the bottle, touching his heart as it falls out of his mouth. "I think I'm dying…"
Cody lifts the jug to his lips and takes a drink, only to spit it up from his nostrils. He chucks the bottle against the floor and shakes his head, horrified. "Eugh! I am NOT drinking that! No way!"
Duncan and Heather look down at their sickly teammate and clink glasses reluctantly. The delinquent starts drinking, but can't take the taste and vomits into the jug in no time at all. "AUGH! Oh, god…" He groans, his face scrunched up. Heather doesn't do much better, getting three weak sips in before emptying her stomach into the bottle.
"Oooooohh… Somebody pump my stomach…" She collapses onto the floor, fainting.
"Drink it, Owen!" Trent demands as Owen holds up his jug with no problem.
"What do you mean? I finished my bottle before the challenge even started. Woohoo!" Owen throws a fist into the air, burping a disgusting stench into Justin's face. He rubs his now widened eyes.
"I'm blind. I'm blind! Ahh!" The model runs around in a panic as Chris overtakes the center of the screen and his fangirls watch with concern. The piano music stops abruptly as Justin runs into a beacon and falls on his back unconscious.
"The Killer Grips win the challenge! Everyone, meet Chef outside for some root beer flavored mouthwash and a short ten minute break before the second part of the challenge begins." The host directs, holding the winding doors open as the contestants weakly stumble out of the saloon.
Owen brushes his teeth over a barrel of root beer flavored mouthwash, a long line of sickly contestants formed behind him. At the bottom of it, Gwen folds her arms over her stomach while Trent triumphantly walks up behind her. "Looks like you were wrong to stop liking me, Gwen. I'm a winner."
Gwen turns to glare at him. "What the hell are you talking about?"
"Look, I already figured it out, babe: you don't wanna date a loser, that's why you started crushing on Geoff, and Duncan.. They all made it way further than me last season." Trent confidently deduces.
"Are you fucking kidding me?" Gwen questions, offended.
"I'm right, aren't I? Well, guess what? This season, I'll win and you'll have no choice but to beg for me back. Haha!" He gloats, throwing his head back with laughter.
Gwen grabs Trent by the collar of his shirt, fire in her eyes. "It's over. I want NOTHING to do with you. We are broken up."
"Psht, yeah right. Remember last season? You went off the deep end without me. You need me just as much as I need you." Trent grabs Gwen's shoulder before Gwen instinctively shoves him away.
"I don't need you at all. In fact, I never want to see you again. This relationship has been screwed since the day you decided to trust Heather's word over mine. I've never trusted you after that. I have NEVER loved you. And now I never will."
Her knee comes forward and slams against Trent's testicles so he really gets the message. He falls to his knees, grasping his crotch as he watches Gwen turn her back to him, tears forming in his eyes. "...For real…?"
Gwen does not respond. Suddenly, Trent's arms fly around her legs, grasping her as he begins sobbing, his cheek pressed against her calf. "Please, Gwen! Please don't leave me! I'm so, so sorry for being an asshole - I know I'm fucked up, I know I'm crazy- b-but I just need my medicine and I'll be just fine, I promise! I-I can be better, I can do better! I'll change!"
"You will never change. Even when you were on your meds, you were an asshole. Fuck off already." Gwen kicks him away, walking forward as the line moves on.
"Oh, god! What have I done?!" Trent sobs into his palms. The others, who have all been watching this unfold, either look away or continue watching with pity in their eyes. Tyler is the first to walk toward him, extending a hand of support. Owen frowns and approaches him as well, getting down to rub his shoulder.
"It's okay, buddy.. This is probably for the best." He mutters. Beth and Lindsay, also feeling bad, decide to join in with pleasant touches and shushes from their lips, all while Trent cries his heart out. Justin watches on, stroking his chiseled chin before shrugging and joining the rest of his team.
Duncan and Cody fist bump underneath their waists as they watch on before Cody swallows and approaches Gwen. "You okay?" He asks.
"Never better." Gwen replies, gritting her teeth with her hands over her skirt.
The dork nods, rubbing his arm. "Just checking. I'm here for you, okay?"
Gwen doesn't respond, fisting her leggings in frustration.
(Confessional: Gwen)
"Well, I did it. I put my foot down and dumped Trent. Was it hard? Oh yeah. I'm still shivering from it. But did it feel good? Oh, yes."
(Confessional: Trent)
He cries in his chair, sobbing his heart out as tears spill from his palms and his bottom lip quivers. "God, what have I done? I ruined it! I ruined the greatest thing that ever happened to me because I got too fucking paranoid of other guys. I would have been with her forever. You know? She could have done anything. I would let her. You know?! Stupid!" He slams his fist against the wall nine times, collapsing on the table to cry some more.
(Confessional: LeShawna)
"Woof, that was ugly. But I stayed in my lane. I know I'd want Gwen to do the same for me. Besides, Trent had it coming to him from what Cody and Harold told me he did. Mm-mm. I just hope Gwen's alright."
(Confessional: Justin)
"You know, Trent's tragic downfall makes me think that a new leadership position for the Grips has just opened up, and as much as I like the guy, I hate to waste a good opportunity. Maybe he can be my new protege after the game, when he's feeling less.. Coo-coo, coo-coo!"
(Confessional end)
Harold walks up to Heather as she brushes her teeth, rolling her eyes at the couple's breakup. "Hey, Heather? Can I ask you a question?"
She spits into the barrel, giving Harold a side eye. "You already did, numbskull."
"True. But I was referring to another question." Harold replies.
She rolls her eyes. "Ugh. Shoot."
"Why were you flirting with Tyler earlier?"
Heather sighs. "It's not like I like that failed jock. I was just trying to distract Lindsay from Justin."
"But why?"
"Because he so obviously has his hooks in her and Beth! If he makes merge with them, I'll have no way to control them."
"You know they already, like, hate you, right?"
Heather pinches the bridge of her nose. "Look, why don't you mind your business, and I'll mind mine."
"Okay, but just one more question." Harold says.
Heather groans. "Eugh! What?"
He fixes his glasses, a smile growing. "Are your flirtations to me a part of your strategy to woo me into an alliance, too?"
"What flirtations?" Heather walks away, sick of this conversation. Harold smirks, leaning against a beam supporting the awning of the tavern.
"She's so into me." He says, spitting on the floor like a real cowboy.
Once everyone has had their mouths thoroughly washed, the contestants stand inside of a fenced area like a bunch of farm animals. Chris stands in front of them next to the fence post, tilting his cowboy hat at them. "Welcome to part two of yer wild west challenge, campers!"
Trent continues sobbing, his crying loud and distracting. Owen rubs his shoulder, but it really isn't working. Chris gives him a look. "...In this challenge..-"
"Wahahaha..! What the hell is wrong with me?!" The guitarist continues, wailing.
Gwen growls angrily, tugging at her sleeves while LeShawna stands next to her, looking guilty. "As I was saying, in this challenge, you'll be playing two sides-"
"I'm such a fucking loser!"
"ZIP IT!" Chris yells, grabbing an apple from his pocket before using it to plug Trent's mouth closed. He sucks on it with tears still streaming down his face. Chris steps back and clears his throat. "Much better. And way funnier. Your challenge is simple: one team, the Killer Grips, will be the ranchers, wrangling up cattle with your lassos." He tosses rope toward the Grips, who all pick it up, including whimpering little Trent.
"The rest of you, the Screaming Gaffers, will be the cattle. The Grips have five minutes to complete this task. If they cannot complete that goal within the allotted time, they lose and the Gaffers win. Otherwise, the Gaffers goose is cooked." The host explains, winking at the team in question.
"Sounds a lot like the first week of juvie. Run away from the big, tough guys in a tight space with practically nothing in your advantage." Duncan comments snarkily. Gwen seems tight lipped.
(Confessional: Duncan)
"I know it was for the best, but is splitting up Gwen and Trent gonna make Gwen's mental health even worse long term? I dunno. I'm starting to feel a little shitty about it. Then again, it wasn't my choice to dump him."
(Confessional end)
Chris motions to Chef, who walks out in a pink, see-through dress and blonde wig. The contestants stare, dumbfounded that he'd have the confidence to pull off such a… look. Chris ends up laughing pretty hard, much to Chef's displeasure. He's holding a plate full of hats. "To tell you two teams apart, Grips get these stylin' cowboy hats, while the Gaffers get… udders!" …And udders.
"Awww, just like my cow Mia, back home. She's such a cutie!" Beth enthuses. The Gaffers don't agree as they're handed out their hats by Chef.
(Confessional: Harold)
Chuckling, he grins into the camera. "I have cow boobies on my head!"
(Confessional: Duncan)
Sighing, he stares off into the wall. "Stupid million bucks…"
(Confessional end)
"Nice work, Chef-ette." Chris whispers to Chef as he walks past him to put the empty tray away. Enraged, Chef turns to his ex, holds him over his head and binds him to the fence with as much rope as he can get, dusting his hands off as he walks away. "Okay, I guess I kinda had that one coming…"
The contestants all have their hats on now, whether they look cool or ridiculous, it doesn't matter. It's challenge time. They all get into positions… again, except for Trent, who can't stop crying into his apple, so much so that it finally rolls out due to the tears lubricating his mouth. Chef stands in front of Chris, holding up two water guns.
"On your marks… get set… Action!" The cook yells, firing the guns into the air to make a waterfall above him. The Gaffers bolt it, while the Grips charge after them.
Heather has Justin hot on her heels, biting his bottom lip while preparing himself to take down the bald cow. "I saw what you did earlier, Heather! Crafty as always."
"W-what? You didn't see anything, brainlet!"
"Suuure. Bet you didn't see this!" The model tosses his lasso over her head, but she's able to slide and dodge it. He stops to pull the rope back, cursing under his breath. Heather laughs at him.
Now on the ground, she yells, "Sucker!"
"Yee-haw!" Beth jumps in front of Justin and throws her lasso over a discombobulated Heather trying to stand up to run away. She's not fast enough and gets completely lassoed by the barnyard fanatic. Justin places a hand on Beth's shoulder and smiles at her, kissing her cheek.
"Thanks for the save, teamie~" Beth sighs dreamily while Justin runs past Heather, saluting her as she flails on the ground, her limbs entangled in rope.
"Ugh! This sucks so hard! You guys better pull through!" The Queen Bee yells to her teammates.
(Confessional: Heather)
"Because, if they don't, guess who's getting voted off?" She points at herself cynically.
(Confessional: Justin)
"Heather thinks she's so smart, like I forgot all about last season and our short lived rivalry. I know she wants Beth and Lindsay for herself, but the truth is, she had her time in the sun with those two buffoons. They're MINE now."
(Confessional: Beth)
"Justin is SO crushing on me. Did you see us kiss? That was like magic.."
(Confessional end)
DJ runs up to Heather, getting down on one knee. "What are you doing, DJ?! Run!"
"The less members we have, the less of a chance we have of outlasting the time limi-woah!" Aaaand just like that, Justin's lasso swallows DJ's neck and tethers him to the rope, flinging him onto his ass as he's also eliminated from the challenge.
"Well, would you look at that? The bigger they are, the harder they fall." Justin taunts, his voice like butter. DJ narrows his eyebrows at the model before Heather growls at him, making him nervous.
"Okay, that was my bad.." He replies.
"No kidding." Heather mutters. Chris steps out of the rope at last, dusting himself off.
"And that's two cows down for the Gaffers! Looks like they're in trouble." He taunts, his hands now behind his back.
Lindsay chases LeShawna with her tongue sticking out, the bigger girl confident she can get away from the blonde. Lindsay tries to throw her rope around her, but tangles it on a fence post, runs into the lasso and ties herself up, knocking herself down for the count. "Oof!"
"Haha! That's all you, girl!" LeShawna mocks, running faster away.
Duncan and Cody run together, looking behind their shoulders as Trent, with murder in his eyes and a strong wrist twisting the lasso he wields in the air above his head. "Oh, Coooodddyyyy, Duuuuncaaaan!" He shouts. Cody and Duncan exchange a horrified look.
"Faster, dweeb!" Duncan orders, said dweeb flailing his arms up and down in a panic.
"I'm going as fast as I can! I don't wanna die! I was really hoping this challenge would be more like Django, or 12 Angry Men, ya know? But instead it's more like 9 Angry Men!"
"Lame!" Duncan shouts under his breath, closing his eyes to brace for impact as he narrowly dodges DJ's body next to Heather's. Cody does the same, but Trent jumps right over him, his eyes bloodshot as he reels up the next shot. With pinpoint accuracy, he launches the rope over Cody's head, nabs his torso and pulls, sending him flying toward Trent.
"AAAAHHHHHH! DUNCAAAAAAN!" He screams, tossing and turning against the rope as he desperately tries to pull it off. Duncan turns back to watch before screaming in terror, making a beeline for the corner of the fenced in zone. Duncan is cornered, and with Trent (who is dragging Cody by his ass on the floor) running toward him at full speed, the delinquent decides to shield himself with his arms and grit his teeth for impact.
Trent unties Cody, but steps on his head so he can't run away, preparing the lasso for Duncan as he swings it over his head over and over. "You're next, you homewrecker."
Duncan hides behind his arms. "M-me and Gwen are just friends, dude! She broke up with you, I-I had nothing to do with it… you know, aside from telling her to do it for her own good."
"I'm gonna enjoy this." Trent says, smirking.
Cody grabs Trent's leg. "Hehe, you know what I enjoy, Trent? STILL owning Gwen's bra." Trent gasps, looking down at the dweeb under his boot like he's trying to set him on fire with looks alone. Cody chuckles. "Yeah, that's right. That pretty, black bra she lent me for helping you two hookup last season? That's what I still own. Never cleaned it, either. Still smells just like her - that Wawanakwa soap and that hint of dusty pages cologne. So fucking good. "
Trent grimaces. "Aw, dude, you're disgusting. After this is over, I'm gonna beat you to a pulp." His foot closes in on Cody's skin, leaving dust and a bruise as it pushes down on his skull.
"You sure about that?" Cody whimpers.
WOMP!
Duncan's knuckles crash into Trent's eye, sending him falling backward. Duncan catches him on his way down by his lasso, but Trent isn't letting go so easily. The two begin wrestling, a tug of war between them shifting their bodies into each other, all while they groan and glare and growl at one another in front of a dazed Cody. Trent's raw strength slightly outclasses Duncan thanks to the fierceness of his headspace. He sees red when he looks into that green mohawk. Duncan falters, but just then, that waft of dusty pages returns when Gwen's fingers wrap around the rope, surprising both of them.
"This is over." She yanks it, causing Duncan to fall on his side and Trent on his knees. He looks up at Gwen with a new look in his eyes. His pupils are wide and dilated, and his mouth is open just a bit. Gwen pulls back the rope and emotionlessly stares at Trent. "Good luck at the elimination ceremony."
WAP!
The rope clings around Trent's neck, and he falls over, onto his face, defeated. Gwen offers the other two boys a hand each, and they both take it, taking a second to look at each other to verify that what they saw was in fact real. "T-Thanks, pasty.." Duncan says, breaking the silence.
"There's no time for this. We need to fight back before Owen catches Harold, and the rest of us get caught after that."
Owen chases after Harold while heaving, the two of them completely out of breath. Owen swings his lasso over his head, but completely misses when he throws it, slowing to a stop to wipe sweat off of his forehead. "So… Dizzy…"
"Can't catch me! Can't catch me!" Harold chants, despite his voice's shrillness.
"It's neck and neck now, with Trent down for the count!" Chris announces with his megaphone. "Man, I love this thing."
Cody gasps, pointing at the rope at the host's feet. "The rope! We can combine all of that long rope to lasso the rest of the team!"
"Great idea, Cody." Gwen praises, rubbing his brunette hair. Cody chuckles.
"Well, ya know.."
"Let's do it!" Duncan shouts. The three nod, composing themselves to run toward the mass of rope. Chris raises a brow as they jump behind him to snag the rope. However, he quickly jump out of the way when Tyler throws his lasso in their general direction, barely avoiding being entangled in rope.
"Dude! Watch it!"
"Sorry, Chris. Ahem," Tyler clears his throat, taking a battle stance in front of the Gaffers, sans Harold and LeShawna, as they try to emass their rope. "Halt, Screaming Gaffers! There is no longer a place for you to run! Give up with honor, or die dishonored!" The jock closes his eyes in anticipation of a dignified response. Instead, Gwen shrugs and throws one of the ropes around his body, causing him to fall to the ground. Cody steals his lasso while Duncan and Gwen split the difference on the long one.
"Sorry, dude! Better luck next time!" Cody shouts at his friend on the floor, following the punks on his team to victory.
Harold and LeShawna run from Beth, Lindsay, Justin and Owen, but end up cornered just like Duncan was earlier. Shivering, Harold jumps into LeShawna's arms like Shaggy Rogers, holding onto her for dear life. "If we die here, I want you to know that I would have asked my mom to let us have the basement!"
LeShawna looks greatly offended. "Excuse me?"
"See ya later, basement boy." Justin states. All of the Grips charge up their lassoes. Lindsay turns to Beth.
"Oh yeah, I forgot to say, thanks for saving me from that evil rope."
Beth smiles. "Aww, no problem! That's what friends are for."
"Yeah, I totally forgive you for hogging Justin so much." Lindsay replies, turning back to the task at hand. Beth goes straight faced.
"Oh… Uh, you do know Justin is into me, right?"
Lindsay hums. "Um, okay, if you say so. But Justin saved me. So, obviously, he's into me, not you."
Beth drops her rope, directing her full attention to this irrelevant argument. "Lindsay, he kissed me. Besides, you have a boyfriend."
"So do you!"
"Not even!"
Owen cuts in now, completely distracting the team. "But Justin said he likes me most, girls. Come on, let's be real here, who would you rather date between the three of us if you were him?"
Beth and Lindsay give him an angry stare.
Justin rolls his eyes. "Ladies, please?"
"Oh, right." Beth redirects her attention before getting swiftly knocked down by Cody's lasso, the rope wrapped around her leg. "Oh no! It's a lasso of love! Cody wants to take me back after I moved on from him!"
"What?" Cody squints.
"AttttaaaaccckkkK!" Gwen cries, tossing her lasso over Owen as if he's a real bovine. He gets twisted to the ground, ending his run.
"Ah! Wow, Gwen, looks like this time you beat me, huh?" He snickers at the irony. Gwen ignores him, throwing a piece of her rope at Harold and LeShawna. They both take their own sides and smirk at the Grips. Cody grabs Beth's rope. The Grips run for the hills.
Lindsay is the slowest remaining, and while she flails her arms and takes another direction away from the flock, Duncan grins ear to ear like a devil and twists his lasso before throwing it over the airhead's head, trapping her in rope. She falls to her knees, trying her hardest to squeeze out. Duncan pumps his fist with a "Hell yeah!"
Beth jumps in front of Justin, putting her hands horizontally to guard him. "Run, Justin! I'll save you! That's what a real partner would do, you know, selflessly sacrifice themselves for the one they love. Justin?" She turns around to find him gone. LeShawna shakes her head.
"You're delusional, honey. Go back to Brady." And just like that, LeShawna lassoes Beth. One Grip remaining.
Justin trips over his own sandals as Harold closes in on him, staring him down like a rare Magic card. Clapping his hands together, Justin pouts as he screams, "NOT THE FACE! Or the hands, feet, abs, neck.. Or anything in the chestal region!" Defeated, he crosses his arms over his knees and looks down at himself. Harold tosses the rope over his head.
Chris jumps in front of the two and waves his arms at them. "And with that, the Screaming Gaffers win! And, they don't just win immunity, they also win a hardy meal, courtesy of Tarantino Catering." The Gaffers cheer and celebrate, hugging, fist bumping and jumping for joy. Except for Gwen, who simply shrugs. Duncan shakes her shoulder.
"We won, dude! What's up?" The delinquent smiles.
"...Nothing." Gwen answers dryly, staring at the defeated Grips.
As the Gaffers gorge on beans and pork, the Grips sit away from their team leader, who sulks at the end of the table while poking at his refried plate of mashed green beans Owen takes a bite of the greens with a pleasant moan. "Mm, not bad! Actually, that kinda tastes like heaven. Chef's really gotten better at cooking since DJ's been helping him out in the kitchen."
"Yeah, bro, this new palette is making me actually enjoy Chef's whack cooking." Tyler replies, mouth full of beans.
"Guys, mind if we talk for a minute?" Justin asks his team, scooching in-between Lindsay and Beth.
"Pfft, maybe I DO mind." Tyler refutes, crossing his arms.
"Okay, then you can go and sit with Trent while the rest of us talk."
"Fine then, I will. Tell me when you're done." Tyler stands up and walks away with his bowl, furrowing his brows as he walks toward Trent and sits down next to him, awkwardly pulling in to make small talk. Lindsay watches with a scrunched nose, a frown donning her usually happy-go-lucky face.
"Okay, now that he's gone, we need to talk about Trent." Justin whispers.
"Yeah… I think I know where you're going with this." Beth replies.
"As much as I hate to admit it, the dude's gone off the deep end, like fully. He's off his meds and it is no longer safe for him to be here with us, for himself or for our team's chances of winning."
"So… we have to vote off Trent? But he's my friend!"
"I know, buddy, I know. But hey, this isn't just to get rid of him. This is so Trent can get medicated too. Don't you want him to be happier? This isn't what happiness looks like, pal." Justin places an amorous hand on Owen's thigh, gesturing towards Trent as he cries into his wrist, while Tyler pats him on the back. Owen bites his bottom lip and nods solemnly.
"Okay…"
"I dunno, guys… I feel a little bad making a decision like this behind Tyler's back." Lindsay admits. Justin grabs her by the chin, leaning into her.
"Listen, Lindsay, Tyler decided not to talk with us himself. He has total free will to do whatever he wants, and right now, he'd rather not talk with us. That's fine. And hey, if it helps, he'd totally be on our side."
Lindsay gazes into Justin's eyes. "He would?"
The model thinks on it. "..Er, yes. I think."
"Well then, ehehe, how can I say no to such beautiful lips? I agree with the plan." Lindsay mindlessly responds.
Beth holds Justin's forearm. "Me too."
He smiles at his pets. "Great. Meeting adjourned."
(Confessional: Justin)
"Mental health is SO important to me. Just not as important as a million dollars. Heh."
(Confessional: Trent)
"...I don't even know what I wanna say in here. I just spent the last two hours counting from one to nine over and over and I still haven't woken up from this horrible nightmare. I feel sick. I wanna go home." Tears well up in his eyes. He sniffles, clearing his face with his sleeve.
(Confessional end)
Gwen watches Trent cry from across the dining room, putting her spoon down without a drop of food stuck to it. She pulls out of her chair and walks out of the room. Duncan sighs, watching her leave with sadness in his eyes.
A compilation of Chris McLean's best moments play at the Gilded Chris Awards Stage, while the night starry sky is looking not so starry thanks to light pollution. Chris stands on stage with Chef in his usual pink dress, holding a device that tells him the votes behind the podium. "It's that time again, kiddies. Time to vote."
The Grips all vote, tapping their devices. Trent sighs, tapping his device at random.
"Your votes have been cast, partners." Chris imitates a southern draw with a worn out laugh. Nobody else is laughing. "...Ah, yeah, I'm sick of the whole cowboy thing, too." Chef gives Chris the plate of Gilded Chris'. "The following people are safe: Owen, Lindsay, and Beth."
Chris tosses the awards out to the crowd, each of the called contestants grabbing their rewards. Lindsay smiles at hers, while Beth turns away from Lindsay.
(Confessional: Beth)
"Not voting out Lindsay or Owen? That was a tough choice. But Justin's word holds way more authority than my petty thoughts."
(Confessional end)
Justin lays back worry free. Tyler looks nervous, biting his nails. Trent seems exhausted.
"Tyler." Chris winks at the jock, tossing him his immunity. Tyler sighs, catching the award mid-air. "We're down to the last two. If you do not receive a Gilded Chris you must immediately report to the Lame-O-Suine, get inside and leave the film lot. And you can't come back. Ever."
Trent sighs. "Let's just get this over with already."
Chris shrugs. "If you say so. The last Gilded Chris goes to…
.
.
.
…Justin."
Justin catches his award with one hand, waving goodbye to Trent.
"Trent, you've been admitted… to the Lame-O-Suine, that is. Goodbye." Chris jokes. Chef shakes his head in disapproval.
"Later, dude." Tyler mutters to his friend.
Trent stands up with his luggage already packed slung over his shoulder. He steps down the stairs of the bleachers and walks past his teammates, not speaking a single word on his way out. Until he gets to the Lame-O-Suine. He turns around to his teammates and puts his foot down.
"Gwen! I love you! I love you so fucking much. I… I love you. Never forget that. Never forget me. I'll never forget you." His voice breaks, tears streaming under his eyes and falling onto the floor by his feet.
"Aww… that's so cute.." Lindsay swoons.
"Bye, buddy! Good luck out there!" Owen yells, waving him goodbye.
Trent steps into the limo, closing the door behind him as he cries into his hands, leaving the Waning Bros. Film Lot for good.
The camera pans out to reveal that we're watching this from one of the TV's in the production room, with Chris standing over Gwen as she watches the footage in his wheely chair. "You really woke me up in the middle of the night to show me this?"
"Yup!"
"Just to guilt me into feeling bad for dumping him?"
"Maybe!"
"Jerk." Gwen walks out of the production room, slamming the door behind her. Chris turns to the camera, whistling.
"Touchy! Wanna find out what happens in Gwen's complex love life next? Wanna learn the secret recipe to DJ's Momma's secret recipe? Or maybe you wanna learn what happens to your fav. Either way, tune in next time to find out any of the answers to these questions, only on…
Total!
Drama!
Action!"
Mid Credits
Trent sobs in the back of the Lame-O-Suine, his face hidden by his hands. "God, how stupid was I back there? I'm never watching the highlights of this show, ever. Season one was humiliating enough with all the cheating talk and the 'leaked' sex scenes. This? This is the worst. I'm a psycho. I'm worse than just paranoid. I'm dangerous ."
He punches the seat next to him.
"Guess mom was right all along; I'm a heartbreaker. I'm a fucking mess. The love of my life, dude. She's… I'll never speak to her again."
He buries his head again in his hands, sighing shakily as the camera fades to black.
Credits resume.