Starr: Ah yes, Thomas Breaks The Law and other stories.
Britt: Indeed, now get on with it.
…
Back on Sodor, at the end of Thomas' branchline, there was a part of the line that leads to an all new quarry. It can go for some distance along the road, and Thomas was always careful to whistle in case he heard anyone coming, as he had almost crashed into Karl because of this.
As a result of the lack of booze, and some teasing from James, Thomas was a bit antsy.
On this nonspecific morning, he was going along the line with a series of nine trucks, and Annie and Clarabel at the back.
"What the hell, Thomas?!" shrieked Clarabel.
"Yeah, why are we stuck at the back?!" asked Annie.
"Because." groaned Thomas. "We're having a brakevan shortage, and as far as I know, you're the only two that can easily act as one!"
A loud bump was heard as Thomas hit a speed bump. "Damn these speed bumps!"
He looked around, only to see no Quarry.
"What the hell? I thought we were heading to the Quarry." said Thomas.
"The producers kind of just let me know that we don't have the budget to go there today." said his driver.
"Now what?" asked the fireman.
"We circle around, dump the stone in the river or something, and head back the way we came." said the driver.
"Huh, I actually like this plan!" said Thomas, now feeling better.
As they headed back, Thomas spotted a large policeman sitting close to the line.
"Hm, what a fatso." remarked Thomas.
The driver whacked Thomas' side. "Bad Thomas! They prefer the term 'big-boned'."
Thomas semi-liked policemen, as he had been friends with the officer that recently retired. He hoped that the new officer didn't hear any of his previous remarks and that he was friendly at the least.
"Peep peep! Good morning!" said a happy Thomas.
This new policeman wasn't. He was red in the face, and very, very cross.
"DISSSGRACEFUULL!" bellowed the policeman. "I didn't sleep a wink last night! And I liked that it was SOOOO quiet!"
Thomas looked at him confused.
"And now-" he pointed his finger at Thomas. "-ENGINES GO WHISTLING BEHIND ME!"
"Well sorry, sir." said Thomas sarcastically. "I only wanted to say good morning and all."
The policeman pointed to Thomas, but had to grab onto his running board for support, but looked at his wheels for a moment.
"WHERE'S YOUR COWCATCHER?!" the policeman demanded.
"But I don't catch cows, sir." answered Thomas.
The driver and fireman both laughed at this.
"Don't be funny!" snapped the policeman. He looked at Thomas' wheels again for a moment. "No side plates either!" and he wrote in his toy-sized notebook.
"Engines going on public roads must have their wheels covered and a cowcatcher in front to protect people and animals from being dragged under the wheels if they stray onto the line!" said the policeman out loud. "You haven't. So YOU ARE DANGEROUS!"
The driver stepped up. "That is a load of crap and rubbish!" he snapped back. "We've been here hundreds of times and have never had a single accident!"
"That makes it worse!" answered the policeman while he wrote 'Regular LawBreaker' in his book.
Thomas puffed away sadly, wondering what the hell he did to deserve this.
"What happens if we're coaches of a jailbird?" asked Clarabel while she faced the wrong way for some reason.
"I don't know, but we won't let Thomas leave us!" protested Annie.
…
While that was going on, STH was eating some toast and marmalade with Sybil.
The butler came in. "Excuse me, sir." he said in a weird voice. "You're wanted on the telephone."
"Oh bother that telephone." groaned STH. He listened to the angry driver on the other end, despite sounding like a chipmunk for whatever reason.
"I'm sorry, my dear." he said to his wife. "Thomas apparently got in trouble with the police."
…
When he arrived at the station, the driver had told him what had happened.
"Dangerous to the public inderd! We'll see about that!"
He spoke to the policeman and tried several tactics, all of which failed one by one.
At one point, James ran past and whistled to Thomas, laughing at his misfortune.
At another point, Eagle ran past from the opposite way, and felt bad for Thomas.
Anyway, no matter how much they argued, the policeman wouldn't budge.
"The law is THE LAW! And we can't change it!" declared the policeman.
"You just did. How the hell are you gonna arrest a steam engine?" pointed out the now exhausted STH, and he turned to the driver. "It's no use arguing with policemen, or this guy in general, but we'll have to give Thomas cowcatchers and side-plates."
"But sir!" protested Thomas as he let out an embarrassed whistle. "Everyone will laugh at me!" he wailed. "They'll say I look like a crossbreed between a tram and a steam engine!"
STH stared for a moment, and then laughed. "THOMAS YOU GENIUS! We need a tram engine!"
Everyone else looked confused.
"I was on holiday recently, and met this wonderful tram engine named Toby. But lorries are taking over his work, and he needs a change." explained STH. "He has cowcatchers and side-plates! I'd better write to the sub-manager at once."
…
As Toby pulled under the Title Screen Bridge, he grinned so wide that it almost hurt while Henrietta laughed alongside him. When they pulled into the nearest station, as it was now a few days later when they officially arrived.
He looked around at his new home for a bit.
"That's a good engine." said STH. "I see you brought your coach Henrietta."
"You don't mind, do you, sir?" asked Toby, trying to ignore the fact that Henrietta had threatened to gut him if he didn't bring her with him. "The stationmaster wanted to use her as a henhouse, and that would never do."
Henrietta seethed in rage at the thought of being used as a henhouse.
"We couldn't allow that." replied STH.
Toby merely grinned and pulled away.
…
Toby had made the insane trucks behave better than Thomas could have, and easily got used to working with a full schedule.
He soon spotted the same policeman that had given Thomas trouble earlier, and rang his bell, scaring the policeman a great one.
"Hey you!" shouted the policeman.
"Try and stop me!" laughed Toby.
At first, Thomas was quite jealous, but was happier when he heard that Toby scared the crap out of the policeman, and the two engines became firm friends.
"I knew he took his coach first!" said Clarabel.
Thomas groaned.