The bullet hits me, and my body goes rigid, collapsing backwards on the ground. The pain spiderwebs through my midsection and out to my arms and legs. I can feel my wet blood soaking through my shirt. This is it. I close my eyes not wanting to look at this sad world anymore before the end. The pain radiates to my fingertips and back. I might've hated Eric and his disrespect for my dead parents; however, he was right. I will enjoy seeing my parents again.
Then I feel heat near my ear. A shadow passes over me. Lips touch my ear, and I can barely hear the whisper. "This was all a plan. You need to play dead until dark. Then run back to the factionless. Stay there." Tobias's hand reaches for something on my chest and pulls it out of me. I'm not dead. What did he shoot me with? A neurotransmitter dart maybe?
He puts his fingers to my throat to fake checking my pulse. Then drops a soft kiss to my forehead before standing up. I keep still, forcing my eyes to stay glued shut.
"She dead?" One guard asks.
"Yes," Tobias says mocking sadness.
I hear footsteps. They must not believe him and are coming to check I am truly dead. Stay still, do not breathe. They walk around me, but no one confirms my very real pulse. I must look convincing. I did feel blood, was that real? Or fake?
"Alright then. You grew a little extra hair on your chest today son. It takes a true Dauntless to be brave enough to betray his faction and shoot his girl." The guard slaps Tobias on the back.
What? Bravery? That is not bravery. Fucking cowards. All of them.
Without looking back, Tobias joins the two guards as they stride into the Erudite headquarters, three Dauntless traitors, or so they think.
Once inside Erudite, Tobias sees many of his former Dauntless faction members sporting blue arm bands. Traitor arm bands. They guard the lobby carrying guns and laughing like there isn't a war going on, like they are back in the Pit. Tobias is disgusted. His guards lead him to the elevators where Eric is waiting.
"Wow. Didn't think you had it in you, Four." Eric says sporting that filthy smirk of his. Tobias stands across from him not knowing what to say. Should he be happy that he is safe inside Erudite and match Eric's excitement, or should he be a grieving boyfriend that did what he had to do?
He settles on a mix of feelings. "She was becoming a liability. I did what I had to."
"Bang 'em and hang 'em, am I right?" Eric pushes Tobias in a buddy buddy way that makes him nauseous. Unable to find the words to respond, he just half smiles. "Let's head upstairs. I know Jeanine will be interested in talking to you."
Tobias follows Eric on to the elevator trying his best to keep his cool and not strangle Eric to death when the doors close.
I had a lot of time to think as I lay "dead" for what felt like a day. My joints burned. My back ached to move, to stretch, to not be crumpled in this heap on the ground bound to be motionless until night. Darkness crept up slower than a snail in quicksand. When I feel it is dark enough to hide my movements, I open my eyes scanning my surroundings for any other living thing that may alert the Erudite about my fake death. One limb at a time, I slowly rise trying to maintain cover. I cross between buildings, taking cover again, checking for people, and running to the next building. Once I am a good distance out of sight of the Erudites, I break into a run. My legs are burning from immobility and now extreme mobility. But I don't care. I want to get as far away from here as fast as possible. I need to think. I need to feel safe again. I gasp for air, my legs flying beneath me until I come upon the factionless warehouse I recognize.
When I walk in, everyone is sleeping. I'm so grateful because the last thing I want to do right now is talk about what just happened. My mind is melting, my body is throbbing, I just want to fall asleep and hope this was all just some bad nightmare.
I find Caleb sleeping on a pallet near my old one I shared with Tobias. It will be a lot roomier tonight, good riddance. I lay on my pallet and fall asleep almost as soon as my head touches my makeshift sweatshirt pillow. The last thing I smell is Tobias and I tear squeezes out of my eye.
Then, I wake with a startling shake. No idea how long I've been asleep, a few minutes, hours, or even days. My eyes bolt open and I must be dreaming.
"Tris. Tris?" He says. Tobias is kneeling over me. He can't be here, this isn't real. My instincts take over and I unconsciously throw a punch. It connects with his jaw, and he stumbles backwards. I jump to my feet forgetting how painful that feels but I need to fight. Whether this is a dream or not, he can't beat me again. I lunge at him pounding on his chest, kicking at his legs, another jab to the jaw.
He does not fight back, taking each hit like a statue. Is this real? Real Tobias would fight back. I begin to cry with each hit landing and more tears pour out. My fists slow down as my vision gets worse. Finally, he wraps his arms around me, and I let out a sob. His hand covers my mouth stifling the sound just like earlier today. He drags me kicking and trying to scream into a closet on the far side of the warehouse.
Once inside, he closes the door and let's go of me. I wipe my face to rid the tears and just as he turns around, I cold cock him right in the nose. Blood immediately starts streaming. There. I know this is real. What the hell is he doing here? How dare he betray me and then come back to face me? If I had a knife or a gun, I would end him right here. The anger begins to well up inside me. I look around for a weapon, any weapon.
"Tris," he holds up a hand as if surrendering while he pinches the bridge of his bleeding nose with the other. I accept no surrender. I attack again. Punching every piece of him I can reach. My anger is bubbling over at this point. Traitor. Asshole. Biggest mistake I've ever made. He let's go of his nose and grabs my arms twisting my arms across my chest, my back pressed against his chest. I load up my foot and stomp as hard as I can down on his foot.
He moans in pain but does not release me. He backs us against the wall and wraps his legs around mine. "Tris, please calm down. Listen to me. I beg you to hear me out." He speaks softly, his lips touching my ear. A spark shoots through my body, that old feeling. I try to move but my limbs are secured by his strong grip.
"How could you?" I scream. "I trusted you. I loved—" I can't even say it. I start balling again. The tears flowing out like the dam broke. I feel his chest tighten beneath me.
My breathing is deep and ragged. His breathing is calm. I do not speak again. We stay like this, captor and captive. My mind is racing. I see no way out. No weapons in sight to put up a fight.
His body is warm, and I can feel his heartbeat against my back. Strong and steady. I take a deep breath and try to calm my own heartbeat down. I can't think when I am this angry.
The Tobias I used to know would tell me I need to think before I act. Acting on emotions is selfish. My parents taught me that. Since I have no foreseeable escape, I decide to hear him out. No matter how much he hurt me, the man I once loved, the man I thought was my ally only hours previous would want me to hear him out. I may be bat shit crazy, but I don't see any other choice.
"Fine," I say through gritted teeth. "Talk."
"Okay, as a sign of good faith, I'm going to let you go. Please do not hit me again." I nod against his chest. I feel a rush of blood race through my arms as he releases his grip. The marks of his presence show as red on my skin. I hug my arms around myself and back as far away from him as I can. His warmth is gone and I feel an instant cold. He returns his hand to his nose trying to pinch off the blood stream which I notice has leaked down his chin and neck, pooling onto his shirt. He looks up at me, like a shameful dog.
"Tris, I am so sorry. I know words cannot express how truly sorry I really am but hopefully knowing the truth will help." I nod but my scowls remains. "This morning, I needed to clear my head, so I went for a walk. I know we needed a plan. Erudite needs to be stopped. I don't agree with Evelyn, and I know she is only going to cause more destruction. I didn't know what to do." He stops to use the hem of his shirt to sop up some of the blood on his face. I get a glimpse of his bare torso. That same spark shoots through me again. He is the enemy. Focus, I tell myself.
He continues, "I knew building an army would only lead to more deaths. We needed to figure out a way to stop Erudite without attacking them. Then, I came up with a crazy idea. If I could only get inside Erudite, become one of them, earn their trust and gain intel, then maybe we could defeat them from within and limit the casualties. However, in order to do that…" He breaks off looking at me like he used to, his blue eyes locking with my own. "In order to gain their trust, I needed to prove myself. I needed an act that would prove my allegiance with them. I needed—" He stops talking.
"You needed me." I fill in his thought.
He sighs, "Yes and I needed you to be unaware of my plan to make it believable. If you knew, it wouldn't have convinced them. I needed them to think I betrayed you."
I scoff, "Well, you sure sold that."
He steps closer to me, "Tris, I hope you know, I would never truly betray you." I look away from him. I don't know what I believe. Should I believe him? "Tris, it worked. I'm inside, I'm working with Jeanine. She wants my help finding other Divergents. She trusts me."
"I trusted you, too." I say quietly. Tobias reached his hand out to take mine. I let my hand go. That familiar calloused hand covers my own and the warmth is back. I take my eyes off the ground and meet his again. "I've never felt like that before. Not even when Al and Peter kidnapped me. This was different, worse even. To have someone I loved do that to me, there is a hole inside me. I don't know who I can trust anymore."
He drops his head, and I hear a quiet sob. I've never seen Tobias cry before. His hand drops to his side as the other covers his face. I step forward to hold his dangling hand again. I place my other hand on his side feeling him relax under my touch. "Tris, I didn't mean to hurt…" sob, "I would never actually kill…" sob "You are the most important…" I lift his head to look at me. His eyes are watery, his face half covered in blood. His body is shaking. He takes a deep breath, "Tris, I love you. I believed this was the only way. I'm sorry I had to lie to you. I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry I made you lose trust in me. I'm so sorry."
I nod wrapping him in an embrace. He buries his face in my shoulder. My mind is still spinning. So much new information, confused emotions, but there is one thing I know. This is my Tobias. He may have done some stupid things, for which it will take time for me to come to terms with in forgiving him. Nevertheless, this Tobias is here, he is real, and he is not a traitor.
"I love you too." I say and I feel his arms squeeze a little bit tighter. When we part, he looks at me, battered and emotionally broken down. I slap him right across his cheek.
"You're an idiot." He smiles despite the pain.
"Yes, I am and I deserved that."
"Don't ever do that again," I scold him.
"Never," he says. He plants a quick kiss on my lips, soft and sweet.
"I know you couldn't tell me but from now on, you tell me everything. I don't know if I can forgive you for what you did."
He pulls me in for another kiss. This one much longer and deeper. It brings me back to that night on the rocks down by the chasm. "I guess I'll have to work very hard to earn your forgiveness," he lips touching mine with every word.
"Yes, yes you will." He hoists me up in his arms and I lock my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck. I bury my face into his kissing him with desperation and longing for the man I know is with me now. It's been a hell of a day, but the feeling I was longing for since before the simulation attacks was to feel safe. As stupid as it sounds, I feel safe right now. I feel safe with my Tobias, feeling his warm body press up against mine. I feel safe with his strong arms wrapped tight around me.
Choices are what define us. A choice to risk it all to stop Erudite was stupid, but it was selfless. It was an act to sacrifice me, but he was really sacrificing himself to be a spy with the enemy. A dauntless act by any means. I understand why he did what he did. I made the same risks with my own family to stop the simulation. I lost my parents because of those risks. They risked their lives for my safety and for the greater good. I risked my life to save Tobias and everyone else from the simulation. He risked both of our lives to achieve the same goal. Can I really fault him?
As for now, I am just going to savor having my Tobias back. I wasn't wrong about him. He would never betray me, he was always on my side and he did and does love me. It will still take time to get back to the point we were at before all this happened, and I hope we do someday. However, I'm not opposed to whatever he has planned to earn my forgiveness. I'm quite enjoying it.
He starts kissing down my neck and I reach my hands under his shirt feeling his bare skin against my fingertips. I feel his body shudder and a smile stretch through our kisses. He backs me into the same wall we were against just moments earlier. His breathing is now ragged and his heartbeat racing. The same feeling under much different circumstances. His hands find their way under my shirt as well. His callouses scrape my skin, his hands are rough but warm. I shiver with the change of temperature, his body taking away all the cold I had within.
As I begin to pull his shirt up, he speaks between kisses, "Hey, Tris." Another kiss.
"Yes?" I ask.
"As much as I am thoroughly enjoying this, are we really about to do this for the first time in a closet in a factionless warehouse for all to hear?" I break away from his face, my hands still buried in his hair.
My cheeks get hot and I smile, "I guess that would probably be a bad idea."
"Sorry to ruin the fun. If only we were really alone."
"I always wish we were alone." He pulls me in for another long kiss before parting from our lips breathless and smiling. "I hope that helped a little in you forgiving me."
"It was a start," I find myself laughing which I didn't know I had in me after today. "But you got a long way to go, Four." I say pointing at him unable to hide my smile.
"Oh ouch." He holds his heart. Then takes my hand slowly bending down on one knee. My heart skips a beat. "I will work very hard every day to earn your trust and forgiveness back Beatrice Prior. I am forever in your debt." He kisses my hand and bows his head.
I laugh and pull him up.
"I do have to get back to headquarters, though, before someone notices I'm gone. Don't want to blow my cover this early"
I frown, sad to have to say goodbye after just getting him back. "Okay."
He pulls me in for a long hug and I hold on to him as tight as I can. When I let go, I grab a towel on the shelf next to me and try to clean up his face. He winces as I brush his nose, I think I broke it. He holds my other hand before saying, "I love you, Tris."
I tap his nose and say," I love you too. I hope your nose is a reminder though."
"A reminder that I'm stupid?"
"No, that you have a badass girlfriend." He smiles and pulls me in for one last kiss. He turns to leave but I remember something. "Wait, how did you make it look like I was dead?"
He laughs, "Taser bullets and a bag of tomato soup taped under your shirt."
I laugh too, feeling under my first layer of clothing. Sure enough, there is an empty bag with a red substance coating it. I didn't even feel it.
I lock eyes with him still holding his hand, "Be brave."
"Always." He says his last word with a wink before opening the closet and disappearing.