AITA for enhancing sea milk production with a teeny, tiny bit of hormones to boost yield?

I own the second largest dairy farm in the Four Blues and like any self-respecting man, I want to be number one! I'm proud of my hard work in the office and the wonderful care we take of our free range sea cows.

Sparing no expense, I recruited one of the top scientists of our generation to assist me in my goal. His resume is impeccable - long history of top level government work and close collaboration with one of the greatest minds in all of history.

Admittedly, he went through a lot of assistants. A lot.

And he never followed the company dress code. But that's the price you pay for genius! If only I could get his awful laugh out of my head. I heard he went on to work in children's development and growth. We only hire the best!

The so-called problem my

dairy farm is running into is honestly laughable. We're being accused - falsely! - of maliciously interfering with the bodily integrity of our female consumers.

Allegedly, the minuscule addition of our harmless hormone compound has created some unintended side effects.

Over the past two years, supposedly the female consumers of our products have undergone certain changes. Some are calling them "dramatic" but I think those people are the ones being dramatic!

And though I'm not a woman, I am a big fan of them. I've known them all my life. Plenty of women I've talked to are very happy with the changes that our enhanced sea cow milk may have brought.

If I were a woman, I can honestly say I would want my measurements to be 39.37"-23.62"-35.43" with a J-cup. What woman wouldn't? Some angry body hating feminist?

It's not fair that we're being sued! If anything, our customers should be thanking us for not charging extra for this added benefit. Do you know how much plastic surgeons get paid?

So, please my fellow readers of AITA, tell me what I already know in my heart. Am I the asshole? Or am I just another victim of the morality police?

convicted_melon • 11/27/2009

YTA. On levels I've not seen before. Where do I even start?

Your fake ass free range claim? Any one with a brain knows that's just bogus ass marketing geared towards the gullible.

Dairy farm? Don't you mean factory?

The absolute lack of self awareness when it comes to your own misogyny? You're not a fan of women. You're a fan of breasts.

What about the fact that you hired an evil fucking scientist?

I've been reading about your tainted milk. Those measurements you're boasting about, women's internal organs shrunk to half their size. Their lower ribs dissolved!

They're getting stress fractures in their vertebrae from all the extra breast weight!

And you didn't mention the skin bleaching. You know, a lot of people believe this was some kind of racist patriarchal plot.

You're definitely the asshole. The only police that you should be worried about are the real ones, for poisoning all those poor women!

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