Always

Chapter Four: Pleasures & Lies

Edward Cullen

I locked the bathroom door behind the second the rest of the family left for the hunt, eagerly undoing my belt buck feeling my member straining against my boxers as I freed it. I closed my eyes and began stroking my shaft, my mind instantly thinking of Bella, her sweet smile, her scent, and her perfect little pussy. I'd taken her virginity, I'd defiled her and I hated myself for it, but I couldn't help but think of it. Jessica may have looked like Bella but she wasn't, she was soft, and sweet, and innocent, she was everything Bella wasn't. I knew it was wrong, I knew I shouldn't have done it but I didn't care, I loved Bella with all my heart, I always had and I always would but she was gone.

"Fuck, Bella," I moaned, imagining it was her hand on my cock instead of my own, her face was flushed, and she was looking up at me with those big brown eyes.

"God, baby, I need you," I moaned.

"Please," I begged.

I felt my release building and I was about to come, I imagined Bella's lips wrapped around my cock, her eyes locked with mine, and her mouth filled with my cum.

I was moaning and I was close, I was imagining Bella's perfect little pussy stretched wide around my cock, her nails digging into my back as I fucked her hard and deep.

"I'm going to come," I moaned, and my orgasm hit me hard.

I was breathing heavily, my body was shaking, and I was covered in sweat. I quickly cleaned up, washing my hands and splashing cold water onto my face. I stared at my reflection in the mirror and I saw how pale I looked, I couldn't feed, I just couldn't bring myself to drink animal blood.

I walked out of the bathroom and back into the living room where Alice was sitting waiting for me. She knew, I had known she would see what I had done with Jessica, she saw everything. It was wrong of me to take advantage of Jessica in the way I did, she was a friend and I had betrayed her trust. I never called her or saw her again, I had nothing to offer her and I didn't want to hurt her.

Alice had said nothing of what she saw but I knew she was worried about me and I didn't blame her. I had shut everyone out, Carlisle included. I hadn't spoken to him since he told me Bella had left. I had hoped Alice had seen Bella but she hadn't, she saw nothing but darkness where Bella was concerned, and I knew that meant she had gone off and found a spell to ensure Alice couldn't see her. I spent most of my time alone, hunting was a chore now and I refused to eat anything unless it was forced down my throat.

"I'm sorry," I said to Alice.

"You don't need to apologize," she replied.

"I do," I said.

"Edward, we all miss her," Alice replied.

"But I...I took Jessica's virginity and I can't even bring myself to call her and check on her," I said.

"You were hurting and she understood that," Alice replied.

"I was a monster," I replied.

"You were doing what you had to, to get by, to survive," Alice replied.

"I miss her," I said.

"I know," Alice replied.

"I want her back," I said.

"Then go after her," Alice said.

"Carlisle said..." I began.

"I don't give a damn what Carlisle said," Alice replied.

"Alice, she doesn't want me," I said.

"You don't know that," Alice replied.

"She's gone," I said.

"So?" She asked.

"You don't understand," I said.

"I understand that she loves you," Alice replied.

"She said she didn't," I said.

"Bella says a lot of things she doesn't mean," Alice replied.

"You saw what she did to my heart," I said.

"People make mistakes, you make when you leave this house to spy on-" Alice stopped herself.

She knew what I'd been doing each night since my encounter with Jessica, at first I merely wanted to ensure she was safe and had gotten back to college. But now I found myself spying on Jessica more often than I cared to admit.

"Edward, please," Alice said.

"Please what?" I asked.

"Don't do this to yourself, you're destroying yourself," Alice said.

"I can't help it," I replied.

"Do you love her?" Alice asked.

"Who?" I asked.

"Jessica, do you love her?" Alice asked.

"No," I replied.

"Then stop torturing yourself, she isn't Bella," Alice said.

"I know that," I replied.

"You need to let go Edward," Alice said.

"I can't," I said.

"Yes, you can, you just need to try," Alice said.

"And what if I never see her again?" I asked.

"Then you move on," Alice said.

"I can't, I won't," I said.

"Edward, please," Alice said.

I didn't want to hear anything further from her and so took off in a blur knowing full well she'd never be able to catch me or even keep up with me at my speed.

I ran for miles and I kept on running until I could smell Jessica's scent in the air. I followed it and soon found myself in her dorm room. I had never been inside but I could see a framed photo of her and her mother on the wall and a laptop open on the desk.

I stood there staring at it, I'd watched her countless times, I knew her schedule and what she was taking at college, I knew she was a good student and that she was excelling in all of her classes.

I sat down on her bed and I closed my eyes remembering the last time I was with her, how much I hated myself for what I did. I knew I needed to move on, I knew that I shouldn't be here, I shouldn't be in her room, spying on her.

"I'm sorry Jessica," I whispered.

I lay back on her bed and I breathed in her scent, she smelled so different from Bella. Where Bella smelt of vanilla and lavender, Jessica smelled of coconut and flowers. She smelt sweet and innocent and I knew I should walk away. I couldn't hurt Jessica again, I couldn't betray her trust.

I rolled onto my side and I noticed a small teddy bear on the pillow. I picked it up and I held it to my chest, it felt wrong to be here, it felt wrong to be holding onto this toy as if it were a memory of Bella.

"I'm sorry," I whispered again.

I got up from the bed and made my way over to her closet. She had some plastic drawers inside and the top one contained her underwear, there was a mixture of cotton and lace bras and panties. I picked up a pair of white lace panties and I brought them to my nose, I inhaled the scent and I felt my cock begin to harden in my jeans.

"Fuck," I groaned.

I closed my eyes and I imagined Jessica's legs wrapped around my waist as I fucked her, I could almost hear the sound of our bodies coming together.

I opened my eyes and I shoved the panties into my pocket before leaving her dorm room. I ran back home and I quickly locked myself inside the bathroom. I pulled out the panties from my pocket and I freed my cock from my jeans. I stroked my length imagining it was Jessica's mouth wrapped around me and I came hard. I cleaned up and I put the panties back into my pocket before returning to my bedroom.

I knew I needed to move on and that I needed to let Bella go but I just couldn't. She was it for me and I was willing to wait an eternity for her to return to me. I'd spend the rest of my life waiting for Bella Swan but I had no doubt in my mind that one day she would return to me.

Jessica Stanley

I made it back to my dorm room and I checked my phone again, still nothing from Angela or Mike. I sent Angela a text asking if he was okay and then I made my way into the shower.

I stripped off my clothes and turned the water onto hot and stepped underneath the spray. I washed my hair and body and then just stood there enjoying the warmth. I dried myself off and put on my pajamas and made my way back to my dorm. I picked up my phone and I smiled seeing a message from Angela.

Mike is fine, he's acting like a little baby but he'll be fine. He said thank you for thinking of him and he hopes you are doing okay.

I put my phone down and I opened up my laptop and found the movie Pretty in Pink which I'd not seen since I was a kid. I made myself some popcorn and settled down to watch it, I found it funny how many of my favorite movies from when I was a kid still held up now.

I must have fallen asleep as when I woke up it was the next morning and I was in my bed. I grabbed my phone and I smiled seeing another missed call from Angela and a voicemail.

Edward Cullen

Just as I was about to step out of the bathroom I could hear the sound of Carlisle and Esme's voices from downstairs and listened in to their conversation as Carlisle returned from the hospital.

"The young Newton boy? I remember him being on the guest list for the wedding." Esme said.

"He's very lucky, most people wouldn't have survived a car wreck like that."

"Did you happen to treat him?" Esme asked.

"No, I was merely in the ER when they brought him in."

"Poor thing, I hope he makes a full recovery."

"As do I." Carlisle replied.

I wasn't sure why but hearing Mike's name caught my attention. He was hurt, he was injured and yet I felt nothing but anger towards him. I knew it was wrong but I couldn't help but feel jealous of Mike, he'd been with Jessica and she loved him. I envied him and I wished I were human so that I could beat the shit out of him for touching her. I knew I shouldn't care about Jessica, I knew I shouldn't think of her at all. She was a friend, she was Bella's friend and yet I couldn't seem to let her go. I pushed those thoughts aside and made my way downstairs. I nodded my head at Carlisle and Esme and I made my way out the front door, I needed to clear my head, I needed to hunt and I needed to feed.

I found a large bear within the first twenty minutes and feed well, I wasn't out of my senses I wasn't about to feed on an innocent human. I was still the man I was before, I was just without Bella and shamefully desired someone I shouldn't. Jessica had surprised me, stunned me even when she left town that same day after our encounter at the school, she hadn't reached out to me in any way, it was as if nothing had happened between us. But it didn't stop me from worrying for her, I'd robbed the poor girl of her virginity and I knew I'd hurt her even at the speed I somehow managed to convince her was human male and not vampire.

I hadn't pleasured myself to a girl in a long time, long before Bella but today was different, I'd done it twice and I'd stolen panties from her dorm room. I wasn't obsessed with her, I checked on her rarely now these days and only checked in when I knew she would be leaving a class late in the night and sometimes took routes to her dorm room that weren't smart.

I didn't stalk Jessica, I didn't spy on her, I was merely checking in on her, ensuring she was okay. I was being a good friend and that was all. I was nothing to Jessica, I was her friends' ex-boyfriend's and nothing more.

I finished feeding and I returned home, I made my way upstairs and I was about to step into my bedroom were I lay down and closed my eyes.

One question kept spinning around in my mind over and over.

If Mike Newton had gotten into a car accident then why hadn't Jessica returned to Forks to see him?