Author's note: from the moment I first realised what Teddy's storyline was going to be, I wanted to write a conversation between him and Jacob about it, because I thought there probably wouldn't be one in canon. I think there will now, but I didn't want to waste this writing. I don't think it's that good, but here it is anyway, after a bit of messing around (I realised too late that I had a typo, I've fixed it now). A lot of this is just me projecting onto Jacob; he's saying all the things that I want to say to Teddy. (And I don't think they're on here, but I wanted to give a shoutout to an internet friend for encouraging my writing - if they do see this, you know who you are, pal!)

TWs:

- The whole fic is primarily about Teddy's sexual assault storyline. It's not at all detailed or anything, however. (At the time I wrote much of this no details had even been revealed in the show.)

- There are also strong themes of Jacob's DV storyline with Tina. There are implications that she may have sexually abused him in some form as well as emotionally and physically, but it's no more than it's already been hinted at in canon, really (so basically it's like "yeah, it probably happened, but we won't say it in specifics).

- Jacob and Teddy treat a woman who has been spiked, but she is NOT assaulted.

- References to Gaynor's controlling and emotionally abusive behaviour toward Teddy, and how it's made him think he's responsible for others' emotions, etc.

- A patient character dies.

I wrote most of this back in early April, very soon after the story began, so it is very much not compatible with current canon. That will also be why there are things like a focus on Hayley over the other women, because it wasn't clear at that point whether they were involved or just her.

The title is borrowed from "Hold The Line" by Avicii and ARIZONA. I've wanted to use that song for a fic title for a long, long time.

It hasn't exactly been the easiest day at work Jacob's ever had.

It had started with 82-year-old Johannes, who'd had a bad fall in his home last night at 10pm. There hadn't been an ambulance available for him until 8am this morning, and he had no family around who could help, his wife being long deceased. He'd passed away in the ambulance. Another patient who could have been helped if there were any resources available for them – another reminder, Jacob had thought, of Robyn.

More recently he and Teddy had gone out and treated 18-year-old Amira, who had had her drink spiked at a party her friend Tahira was throwing. She and Amira's other friends had looked after her, not letting her out of their sight around any man (when Amira's other friend Clare mentioned that, Jacob noticed Teddy looked away from her ever so slightly) until the ambulance came, and Tahira left her own party to accompany Amira to the hospital.

In the back of the ambulance (because Teddy had pleaded to drive), Jacob had been there when Tahira said she'd got a text from a friend telling her who the guy was that did it, and he'd been there as she reassured Amira: "When this is all over, we're going to take that man right to court, okay? No one does this to my best mate and gets away with it."

There have been several more patients to see since then – and Jacob made another attempt to call Blake in precious moments in-between – but Teddy's demeanour hasn't changed a bit since Amira.

Teddy has seemed unhappy much of the time for over a week now. Iain mentioned something on the fifth about how Teddy had had a bit of an off day, and Jacob, working with him the day after, had noticed it was clearly more than one off day. Jan's been worried too, of course, and had wondered aloud to Jacob the other day if it might be a delayed reaction to a patient Teddy lost in March whom he'd formed a bond with.

In a bit of spare time in the ambulance station after their shifts, and after hearing Blake's voicemail message for the hundredth time, Jacob offers to make Teddy a cup of tea.

"You look like you could do with it after today," he says as he puts the kettle on. "And I'm already getting one for myself."

"Yeah, sure," Teddy mutters, almost absent-mindedly.

"I know it hasn't been an easy shift."

"I'm fine," Teddy replies. "Thanks, but I'm fine."

Jacob doesn't push it, for now. Teddy may open up later. And if he doesn't, then at least it might help him to have a reminder that his colleagues are there for him if he needs them to be.

Jacob's just pouring out the two cups of tea when Teddy asks: "What did you do after Tina?"

The question is so sudden it catches Jacob off guard. "What do you mean?"

"I know she pleaded guilty and all of that, but… how did you deal with it? I don't know, I was just thinking, when Amira's friends said they wouldn't leave her alone with a man… like they were certain it couldn't have been a woman, even though they didn't know that… isn't it hard to hear stuff like that? Never mind, sorry, I know it's personal, I shouldn't have asked…" Teddy awkwardly cuts himself off there.

"It's not a problem," Jacob replies. Well, it is personal – and it's not a topic he enjoys talking about – but Teddy obviously means well, and if opening up about his own experiences might give Teddy some way into talking about what he's struggling with, it will surely be worth it. He sets down the cups of tea, and gives just as much detail as he needs to: "I found some great support groups that really helped. Talking about her to people who understood made it easier for me to come to terms with. One of the groups was specifically for men, and I had a few conversations about this there – how we're not really taught to look out for women who could be abusive in the same way as the other way around. We certainly weren't when I was young."

"It's still true. My mum was always telling me to be careful around strange men. Even when I started as a paramedic, she still told me to be careful at work. But she was never worried about women." Despite having agreed to that cup of tea, Teddy seems utterly uninterested in it now. "But I mean… what if they'd left Amira alone with another woman and she did something? Do you think they would have believed Amira then?"

"I don't know," Jacob replies honestly, as he sits down on one of the ambulance station sofas. "But we would have."

"I just keep thinking about her."

Jacob has 'just kept thinking' about Johannes. He knows very well how certain cases can hit hard. "She's in the hospital now, and Stevie will be looking after her. But seeing someone so young like that… it can really get to you."

"She isn't much younger than me," Teddy responds.

A silence falls after that. It's a factual statement, of course, but something in the way Teddy said it—

Jacob wouldn't want to interrupt if Teddy wanted to say something more – but every time Teddy opens his mouth like he's ready to talk, he just closes it again instead, and every time Jacob thinks he ought to say something Teddy does the same thing over again.

"Iain said you've been having a hard time," Jacob offers, eventually. He doesn't know if it's the right thing to say – but it has to be better than nothing. "I don't know if you want to talk, but… we're here if you do."

"It's nothing, really. Well, it's not nothing, but it's… personal."

"Okay," Jacob says, and then there are several more minutes of silence.

Teddy looks distracted, almost, in a way that feels horribly familiar – not because Jacob knows it in Teddy, but because he knows it in patients with PTSD, and in himself. Teddy's been withdrawn for days. And then suddenly, he blurts out: "There was a difficult case with a patient. I was with Iain, but…"

"When you lost Len?" Jacob softly asks, though some part of him knows that's not what this is.

"Not him, that was different, that was weeks ago… I…" Teddy trails off again. He looks downward, away from Jacob. He drops his voice into a whisper, as though he's afraid someone other than the two of them might hear. "We were called out to help a bride at a hen party. Twice, actually. She'd hurt her ankle, but the first time, a friend of hers talked her out of getting treatment for it – we were called out again later when, obviously, her ankle got worse. Her friend got in the ambulance with her and so did some of the other women from the party, they were doing these dares, I explained that only one could come, but then the friend from before slammed the door shut and…" Teddy sounds like he's on the brink of tears.

Jacob's first thought, despite himself, is of Tina. His second thought comes milliseconds later, as he puts the pieces together and realises why Teddy reacted the way he did to Amira—

"Then she – the bride's friend—" Teddy begins, his voice breaking: "Then she made me… oh God, she made me…" He starts sobbing, too hard to finish the sentence.

Teddy is gasping for breath, falling apart in front of him, and Jacob is almost taken aback. He of all people should have seen this sooner. How didn't he see it until today? He had recognised his own distance in Teddy, earlier. The same distance he had felt when he tried to go on a date with May and it had only thrown him right back to Tina, to her talking him into things he didn't really want but that he'd gone along with to keep her happy.

(His own bedroom didn't feel like his anymore for a long time afterward. Does Teddy no longer feel safe in the ambulance? An ambulance, of all things. If there's one place that should always mean safety…)

There was a part of Jacob that had known from the moment Teddy looked away at the comment about not leaving Amira alone with any man. He certainly knew when Teddy suddenly started asking him about Tina. And yet, another part of him had desperately – perhaps selfishly – wanted to believe that this wasn't what had happened. He doesn't want to think about it happening to anyone else.

"Oh, Teddy…" Jacob whispers. He almost thinks to reach out to comfort him, but stops himself. Teddy may well not want to be touched. Jacob knows what that's like. "Oh, Teddy, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."

"You're not the one who should be sorry," Teddy manages to stammer out through tears. "You didn't make her do it, you weren't even there."

It's a moment of counting blessings: at least Teddy knows that this is not in any way his fault. "Do you know what you want to do?" Jacob asks. He tries to keep to the whispered tone, doesn't want Teddy to feel pressured to make a choice. He hadn't had a choice in people knowing about Tina or in whether to report her, and while he's made peace with that now, he still wishes there had been another option.

"I don't know," Teddy mutters. "I don't… I'm not going to report it. I decided on that much a few hours after it happened. We both know they wouldn't believe me. I mean, whose side would they take, between mine and hers? At best they'd laugh it off. At worst they'd decide I must have… assaulted her, not the other way around."

It's a reasonable fear. Jacob nods. "If there's anything I can do for you, let me know."

"I couldn't take up whatever free time you've even got."

"I'd make time if you needed me to," Jacob promises. "I don't want you to have to go through this all on your own, Teddy. Take it from someone who's been there."

"I haven't told anyone else," Teddy admits. He's not sobbing as hard as he was, but there are still tears dripping down his cheeks. "I don't know how, I… I don't want them to know, I… I did think about going to you a few times because I knew you'd probably believe me, you'd understand, but I didn't know what to say… sorry, I've probably put my foot in it about a hundred times now."

"It's okay," Jacob reassures Teddy again. The tea is definitely going to start getting cold now, without either of them taking a single sip, but Jacob doesn't comment on it. There are bigger things for the two of them to worry about.

Teddy takes a deep breath, clearly trying to pull together some composure. Whether the act is for his own sake or Jacob's is harder to tell. "I'm sorry, I didn't want to bother you… I know I've probably dredged up bad memories, I'm sorry."

Jacob shakes his head. It's true that the situation has stirred old memories up, but Teddy doesn't need the guilt on his mind.

"I can't sleep," Teddy admits. "Or do much of anything. Every time I close my eyes, I feel like I'm there again. I… I just keep hearing things they said. Those women. They kind of… echo in my mind, does that make any sense?"

"Of course it does."

"If I have my bedroom door open I feel like I'm too exposed, if I close it I feel trapped. The door creaks in Jan's spare room, did I ever tell you that?" The question is clearly rhetorical this time, there was never any reason to bring it up until… "I think she must be getting sick of the racket from my room almost every time she needs to sleep. Maybe I should start doing all the night shifts." Teddy manages a small laugh after that, despite himself.

"I think first and foremost she's worried about you," Jacob points out. "And not about her creaky guest room door."

"I don't want her to be worried about me," Teddy mutters. "I don't know how much longer I can keep making excuses." Jacob wants to understand what Teddy means by that, but before he can ask, Teddy continues: "Anyway, I think what I meant to ask is… is it normal? To be feeling like this? I know it's normal to freeze when it happens, but I feel frozen now. I want to move on more than anything, but I can't. In my head I'm just living that same day, over and over."

Jacob nods again. There's not much of a 'normal' in this situation, but he thinks Teddy already knows that. "Yeah, it's very common."

"Will it ever stop?" Teddy whispers next. "I just want it to be over. I don't want to feel like this for the rest of my life."

"You won't," Jacob assures him.

Jacob doesn't really know. Not personally. It's been only three years, for him. He still feels frozen too, many days. He still gets nightmares about Tina, still can't quite be intimate with anyone, still has days where he feels like he might as well be right back in the throes of it. He still has days where his automatic response to any mistake is to expect he'll be hit. The acute pain might have stopped, but he can't truthfully say he's the same man he was before her, doesn't know if he'll ever be able to.

He doesn't have the answers.

But Teddy needs to believe otherwise. Teddy is sitting here in tears, looking to perhaps the only man he knows who has any first-hand experience with this, needing to hear 'it's going to be okay' and 'this won't define you' and 'of course it gets better'…

Needing to hear the same things that Jacob once needed to.

So Jacob will do what he can to give Teddy that reassurance now. Logically, Teddy can't possibly expect Jacob to have the answers – but Teddy's not asking these questions out of logic, he's asking them because he's afraid and lonely and probably still in shock. He probably knows Jacob doesn't have all that much advice to give.

Teddy looks up at Jacob. Jacob can't quite tell if Teddy believed him or not, but Teddy looks grateful nonetheless. "I just want to know when it'll stop," he admits. "And I know you can't tell me that, I know it's different for everyone – I did look it up. But if I could know…"

"It would be a lot easier," Jacob agrees. "I wish you could."

"Thanks," Teddy replies. "And thank you for listening to me. You really didn't have to, especially considering… you know, Tina."

"You're welcome," Jacob says, "any time you need to talk."

"I don't know if I want to talk," Teddy murmurs. "I want to move on."

"You can do both, if that's what you want. And if and when you're ready… you can always come to me."

Teddy nods. "Thank you," he reiterates. And all of a sudden he looks so relieved, like a heavy weight on his shoulders has been halved. Not lifted, but halved. And for now, that will do. "And sorry for wasting the tea."

Even in his now-calmer tone, Teddy sounds like he thinks that was some genuine wrongdoing. Jacob is mildly annoyed with himself for not drinking the tea before it went cold, but that's it, and he hadn't really expected Teddy to drink it anyway. "I've seen tea go wasted for far more pointless conversations."

Teddy doesn't seem to have a reply to that, so he looks downward again and the two of them sit there in silence for a few minutes. Jacob is just about to start thinking of things to say to break the ice, when finally, Teddy speaks up again: "You won't tell Jan, will you?" His voice cracks again, though ever so slightly – "Please, it would break her heart, please don't tell her, please…" Gasping every few words, he sounds far too close to hyperventilating.

"I won't say anything," Jacob promises. For a very brief moment he feels guilty about it, but then he reminds himself that Teddy is safe. This isn't like what happened with Tina. This is one incident, and it happened weeks ago, and Teddy is out of harm's way now. There's no need for anyone to know unless Teddy decides to tell them. Still, he thinks it worth saying that: "It's not your fault that it would upset her, because you haven't done anything, Teddy. I just… want to make sure you know that."

"I know," Teddy says. He knows it, and it sounds like he's even trying to believe it. "But I still don't want to tell her."

"Of course. I'm not going to make you do anything you don't want to."

Teddy wipes the tears from his cheeks with the backs of his hands. "You should probably get going, anyway."

"I probably should," Jacob admits. "But if you need me to stay, I'm sure I can for a while longer."

"Thanks. But I want to go home, really. Plus, I could do with catching up on some TV. There's this comedy Jan got into recently that she keeps saying is really good, and she says I should watch it before the new series starts, but I… wasn't in the mood for a while," Teddy mutters.

"What show is it?" Jacob asks, wondering if it's one he's seen.

"I don't know! Jan says telling me what it's about would spoil it." Teddy laughs, then, and it's the first genuine laugh Jacob has heard from him in days. It's a relieving sound. "But I'd rather watch a comedy I don't know anything about than one of those quiz shows that's always on. A few of them are fun, but most of them are basically the same show repeated all day."

"I did watch a really good drama recently…"

"Oh, don't give me more shows for my list of things to watch! Tell me about it once I've got around to that comedy."

"Fair enough," Jacob chuckles.

"I will tell you if it's any good! And I promise I will actually tell you the premise instead of insisting it's a spoiler." Teddy gets up from the sofa and looks down at the two cups on the table. Then he picks up his cup. "I really am sorry about the tea. I'll, er, I'll go pour this out before I go, to spare you from any more bother."

"It's not a bother at all," Jacob reaffirms.

Teddy walks over to the sink, and Jacob can hear the sounds of the cup first being poured into it and then rinsed out. Then Teddy walks back toward Jacob. "Thank you for… everything," he says once more.

"You're welcome. Good luck with catching up on that comedy."

"I'm going to need it," Teddy agrees. "Bye, by the way!"

"I'll see you tomorrow!" Jacob replies as Teddy begins to walk away. Jacob doesn't feel like having lukewarm tea, so he goes to rinse out his own cup too before heading home.

This talk won't have fixed everything. It won't make everything better, Jacob knows that full well. Things are going to be very difficult for Teddy for a while, and Jacob can only hope Teddy will feel able to reach out again if he needs to.

But at least he's been able to offer Teddy some comfort.