Baratheon (Game of Thrones Si) Chapter 1, a game of thrones fanfic

I don't own Game of Thrones or ASOIAF

it took a while for me to remember, despite what most people think only a few remember their baby years. There was no awareness, my body and brain were simply on auto pilot. Once I reached Nine years or Nine name days as they call it here. I was now fully aware. I somehow reincarnated into Game of Thrones. As the first born and true born son of Robert Baratheon and Cersei Lannister.

This was great! I'm a highborn and since I exist, that means mother and father love each other dearly right? Right?

No. They absolutely despise each other. And to top it all off, Cersei hates me. I know this because of the way she treats Joffrey compared to me. Joffrey, who is a year younger is a right cunt. You can practically see him turning into a monster and Cersei just lets him be. And also she favors him way too much.

"What do you have to say for yourself," Cersei said sternly as she looked down at me with a glare.

So someone killed Joffrey's cat. We all know who did it but somehow I'm the one on trial.

"I didn't do it," I said blankly.

"He did mother I saw him!" Joffrey yelled as he pointed at me. "He stabbed her with a knife!"

"What do you have to say for yourself?" Cersei asked as I sighed.

Back in my old life I started from the bottom and clawed my way up the corporate ladder. Through sheer hard work and determination I became rich. Become my own boss. I plan to do the same here. And since I'm already a prince, I just have to wait until Robert dies.

"The little prince is a liar now, for shame." Near the door stood Jaime Lannister. He had his usual smug smile as he chuckled. "Just put him over your lap and give him a spanking. That will set the brat straight."

"You just called your prince a brat," I said with a frown. Normally an insult like that would have had him getting his tongue cut out and he knows this. The smug son of a bitch also knows that there's nothing I can do about it because of Cersei. Jamie hated me for reasons, he tended to insult and belittle me in the name of jokes. But now that I'm aware. No more. "I'll remember that Jaime."

"Do not talk to your uncle like-

"Was I swapped out for another baby mother?" I asked as Cersei froze in confusion. "The way you treat me, like I did not come out of you. Maybe I didn't spend nine months in your womb and was picked off the street. You don't look at me like the way you look at Joffrey. Why? We all know that Joffrey killed his cat, after all he's had three more that have 'gone missing'. It's obvious but you don't want to see it." Watching Cersei go from confusion to shock was delicious. "You hate me mother, I have no idea why and at this point I don't care. So I'll do us both a favor, you are no longer my mother Cersei Lannister."

With that I turned away and was about to get out of the room when Jaime stopped me.

"You shouldn't talk to your mother like that," He said with a growl. "Apologize, now."

"Oh what?" I asked with folded arms and a raised eyebrow. "Your lay a finger on me and your head will get bushed in by a fucking war hammer. We both know father hates you and is just looking for an excuse. Now step aside."

Shocked beyond belief, Jaime silently obeyed my command. Yeah I was not your average nine year old. I silently stepped out the door as and was met with a shocked face of Selmy Barristan.

"What?" I asked as he closed his mouth and frowned.

"That was your mother my prince," He said as I sighed. "Perhaps you were a bit too harsh?"

"I like the part were you didn't point out my allegations," I said with a chuckle. "Come Ser Barristan, I wish to train!"

"Of course my prince," Barristan my loyal Knight said as he followed behind me.

…

Red Keep

"You should have been there my lord hand," Selmy said as Jon Arryn smiled. "He left them both speechless."

"We all have our breaking points, I suppose." Jon said with a chuckle. "Cersei isn't fond of Prince Jason, we all know it. Despite it all he is her son. The boy has her cunning and intellect. Sure he may look like his father with that hulking Baratheon body but inside, there is a cunning lion. It's sad that Cersei won't see this, blinded by her hatred of Robert."

"His intellect is something he takes from his mother then?" Selmy asked as Jon nodded.

"Robert couldn't stand being in my classes, he would either sleep or not attend them. At least Ned tried. But Prince Jason, always early and willing to learn. He has taken to the history of Westeros quite well. The Maesters have taught him all they can at this point. Say, how goes his Sword training?"

"Right now I am teaching him the foot work, soon we will move on to wooden swords." The Knight said.

A bark of laughter drew the attention of the two men.

King Robert laughed loudly and began explaining something while his son who was seated on his father's lap listened attentively.

It brought a smile on Jon Arryn's face seeing the Young prince and his father. While Cersei had taken one look at Jason and decided she did not want him. Robert was the opposite, he loved his son. From the moment Jason was born, it is a known fact that he was held more by Robert than Cersei. Most of the time Robert would tell him stories of the rebellion and the young Prince would fall asleep in his father's arms.

"Jon! Get over here! Come listen to what your prince just said ahaha!" Robert laughed as Jon sighed. This should be good.

"Yes your grace?" Jon said as stepped to the iron throne and bowed.

"Jason here wants to go foster at his Grandfather's place in Casterly rock! I say he goes to the North and fosters with Ned instead." Robert said before frowning. "Which one of us is right, and why is it me?"

Jon would have chosen Ned in a heartbeat, but after what he's seen? The Iron throne breaks people. Ned is a good man, so was Robert once. The Iron throne broke Robert, reduced him to just a drunk and whoremonger. If Ned was to seat on the Iron throne he wouldn't survive. The Iron throne breaks good men.

Tywin Lannister…

The old lion was cold and calculating. A real Lannister. The lot were greedy and good with money. Maybe Jason would grow up to not spend a lot of coin. Plus the Old lion could teach his grandson a few things.

"Let him go to his Grandfather's, with Ser Barristan there to protect him." Jon said as Robert looked at him with wide eyes.

"Leave us Jason, go play with Ser Barristan." Robert said as the prince nodded and got off off his lap. Once the prince and Knigt were gone Robert turned to Jason with a glare.

"Explain yourself this instant," Robert demanded coldly.

"Between you and Ned there is no difference. You were taught the same way by the same teacher. The Iron throne has broken you dear boy. You haven't ruled this land is years." Jon said honestly as Robert sighed and sunk back into his seat. "You were raised to be honorable men not kings. Ned can't teach the boy anything, I taught Ned everything he knows and it is not what the boy needs. The old lion can teach the prince well, like how to handle money. Something I should have taught you better."

"You're right, as always." Robert muttered. "I'll send him off to foster with Tywin Lannister in a two years."

"Two years?" Jon asked in confusion. "Why two years, the sooner he can-

"Well I want to spend more time with my son," Robert said in embarrassment.

"Of course you do," Jon muttered.

….

…

….

Two years later.

When most people look at Robert, they see a large Bear with sharp fangs and Razor sharp claws. What I see is a giant fat cuddly teddy bear. The man loved me like I was his own flesh and blood. Which I was. Anything I wanted he would give me. Nothing was off the table. Honestly I'm surprised I'm not spoiled rotten. Sure he loved Joffrey but I was his favorite.

Cersei, well I haven't spoken to Cersei for over two years and boy has she felt it. Which is surprising considering I thought she would be happy about all this. She was distraught and constantly tried to talk to me. Which I found odd. So I ignored her, childish I know but I am child.

"My little prince is all grown up!" Robert said with a sad smile.

"Father please don't cry, you'll embarrass me." I said blankly as he scooped me up in a bear hug.

"Make sure to show those Lannisters cunts what we Baratheons are made of!" Robert said before putting me was the day I head to Casterly Rock and foster under Tywin Lannister. I need to learn the Game and only people who actively play it can teach me. Ned Stark is a good man but at the end of the day, that's all he is. "Ser Barristan, make sure to protect your prince from those green eyed cunts."

As he said that, Cersei and Jaime who were standing by twitched.

"With my life your grace," Selmy said with a bow.

"Okay off you go," Jon Arryn said as I gave him a thankful nod. If it was up to my father he would keep me longer.

"Be-beloved son!" Cersei called out to me. "I wish you luck on your travels and greet your grandfather for me."

I turned to Cersei and she looked nervously at me. I said nothing and simply walked off. Yeah I don't know what got into her but you don't treat your children like shit and live consciously free.

I won't see Kingslanding for a long time, and that was fine by me. I needed to get stronger and beat the game.

…

"This is all your fault!" Cersei growled as the fat fuck turned to her with a raised eyebrow. "You made him hate me!"

And even though she said these words, Cersei didn't believe them. It was just easier to blame Robert.

"They boy sure can hold a grudge," Robert said offhandedly. "Something he gets from his mother."

"Don't mock me! You turned my own son against me!" Cersei said as Robert sighed.

"You know, when Jason was born. I thought maybe it was time for us to fix our relationship. After all, you gave me this wonderful boy. The least I could do is love you like a wife. But then, things didn't go as planned did they? At the time I didn't know why or how a mother could hate her true born son. You did your duty, you breastfeed him but that was it. Jason was raised by handmaidens and his father." Robert said and Cersei was quick to denie.

"That's not-

"Why don't you tell us what his favorite color is then? Maybe his favorite meal? Being his mother I'm sure you've prepared it quite a lot." Robert said smugly. "Honestly it's sad to hate a child because he looks like his father. I honestly thought you were an evil cunt. But then Joffrey came. They way you looked at him, fussed over him. You are capable of motherly love. You just choose to not love Jason. Something the entire bloody castle knows."

Cersei tried and failed but she couldn't find a counter. He was right, she hated Jason cause he wasn't Jaime's. When Jason was born with black hair and blue eyes. The disappointment she saw on her twin's face broke her. So she distanced herself from Jason. He of course would come to her, always smiling at her and greeting her. Sometimes she would greet back, other times she said nothing and when she was in a particularly bad mood she would throw insults at him.

That last one made her flinch.

"You know, if you look at Jason closely he actually looks a lot like you. He has the exact same look you have when you see something disgusting. And he always has his nose in a book, something he definitely did not get from me. It's just sad you don't see this and even though I hate you. I pity you."

Cersei felt tears in her eyes. Ever since that day, Jason hadn't spoken a word to her. Not a hello or a smile. Everytime she was near he'd either walk away or when she met him in the halls he would run away. At first it was a week, then two. Then it was a month, then six and Cersei couldn't take it. She could hear the whispers, how the prince had had enough of her. Then she saw Joffrey gutting away at his new kitten and she realized how much of a terrible mother she was.

But it was already too late…

…

Tywin Lannister stares at his Grandson with…pride. Though he had his father's looks and body, inside he was a true lion. The way Jason absorbed knowledge was simply amazing. Though he did train with the Knights on the daily he made sure to strike a balance between his fighting and cunning.

Six years since Jason came to Casterly rock and Tywin smiled at what his Grandson had become. Though he made sure to never do it in front of the boy, least he grew a big head.

"Dorne?" Tywin asked as Jason nodded. Right now the two were in Tywin's study.

"First Dorne then a few other places, if I'm going to be king I at least have to know the lands I'm ruling." Jason answered.

"You do realize you can be assassinated right?" The old lion asked as Jason nodded.

"And here comes the next part, Grandfather. Give me the Mountain."

"Why?" Tywin couldn't help but ask. There was only one reason the mountain and dorn would come up in the same conversation.

"I intend to sell him to the Dornish of course," Jason said nonchalantly. "I need the Dornish on my side, we've let them do their own thing for far too long."

"That is your reasoning?" Tywin asked with a scoff. "To give up my most powerful piece?"

"I'll make you Master of coin when I'm king," Jason said with a smug Lannister smirk.

Tywin almost frowned at that. "You have someone else for the position of Hand?" He asked.

"Yes, but if you give me the mountain…"

"You would dare to bargain with me?" Tywin asked as he glared at the boy who simply shrugged.

"You don't wanna be Hand? That's fine, I can make Uncle Tyrion my hand." The boy shrugged before he picked up some parchment. "Been a while since I wrote to my father."

Tywin felt irritated at how proud he was. Jason effectively had the upper hand in this bargain. If the boy had offered him the position of Hand from the beginning Tywin would have turned the deal to favor him since the boy had played his biggest hand. But the boy had instead offered the position of Hand last and held it hostage. They boy knew his hatred for the imp and decided to use that against him!

"Fine, for the position of Hand I'll give you the Mountain." Tywin said as his grandson looked at him.

"Oh we're still on that?"

"Your gamble better pay off," Tywin said as his grandson nodded.

"Of course it will," Jason said as he wrote on the parchment. "Now I just need to ask father and send Ravens to Dorne."

So that's what he was writing, the brat knew what his answer was and was already writing letters.

Again, Tywin was both proud and irritated.

…

"He looks just like me!" The King laughed as he stared at the newest painting of the crowned prince. "Fucking hell Baratheon never change, he even kinda looks like my father!"

Jon Arryn raised an eyebrow at that last comment. Now that he thought about it, all Baratheons looked the same. Maybe the Lannister blood was just too strong? But the youngest born, Princess Myrcella Baratheon did not have any Baratheon features. Jason was the only one who even remotely resembled his father. Strange…

"The boy says he would have wanted to fight against my War hammer! And he also called me a fat fuck!" Robert laughed as he rolled the letter. "The boy underestimates me, we'll see about that!"

The king suddenly got up, his large form stumbling a bit. "Jon!"

"My king,"

"To the training grounds! I want you to whip me into shape so I can kick my son's arse!" The king bellowed as he gave a mighty laugh. "Call me a fat fuck has been? I'll show you!"

"...of course," Jon said, though his mind was far away.

…

I don't like boat rides. Even though this ship is huge it left me with nothing to do. So the only thing I can do is do a recap of what I've been up to.

I studied under Tywin Lannister for while I learnt how to use the sword with Ser Barristan. I even picked up a war hammer just for shits and giggles only to find I was really good at using the bloody thing. Also a spear, I was pretty good with that.

Tywin cared for me that much I could get from the old lion. Also he didn't want me near Tyrion and did everything in his power to stop us from meeting. Of course I did meet the cunning Dwarf a few times and he was okay. I don't care that much for him, all he does is drink and fuck whores..

Speaking of drinking and fucking whores. I underwent an unorthodox mode of training which involved me not ejaculating in a woman. Basically I was trained to always pull out. I was brought a lot of women from all over Lannister Casterly Rock. Most of them are young and around my age. Usually Virgins too.

I was taught how to drink, if I am among merchants and the like,only two cups and that's so. If I got too drunk I might end up getting swindled of gold dragons and land. If I am among trusted Lords then I might indulge a bit. And if I was in a house that I just recently made friends with then I should get piss drunk to show them I trust them with my care. It was a whole thing but I'm glad I learned it.

Right now I was sailing to Dorne with one plan. I need the Martells on my side for the upcoming war. Everyone needs to participate in the war against winter.

That's why I'm giving the Martells the mountain, as a peace offering. Speaking of the Mountain, the fucker was huge! He was like a fucking body builder but without the steroids. The amount of milk of the poppy and muscle relaxers we put in his food was enough to kill a fucking elephant. But the Maester estimated that it would keep him down for a few days, just until we got to Dorne. Once there he was out of my hands-

"My Prince, we are approaching land." A random guard entered my room and gave a bow.

"Good, and the mountain?" I asked.

"We gave him more sedatives, he was beginning to stir in his sleep." The guard said as I nodded.

"Wake me once we dock," I said as I gave a yawn. "You may leave."

"My prince," the man gave a bow before he turned and left.

Finally, Casterly Rock was very informative but it was extremely boring. From what I've learnt, Dorne is just a big party with breaks in-between.

A few hours later the Lannister ships docked. Of course Dornish armed men were waiting for us. As I took a step out of the ship, I was met with desert next to the ocean. And of course, the Dornish army and at the head of it was Oberyn Martell. The man held his spear on his shoulder as he gave a smirk.

"Welcome, Prince Jason Baratheon." Oberyn Martell said as he gave a mocking bow.

"The pleasure is all yours," I replied with a very smug smirk. Something I get from my mother, so I've been told. "I come with a gift for you, Prince Oberyn Martell."

"Oh? Is it a whore?" He asked with a smirk.

"Depends," I said as my men on the other ship struggled to push a giant cart with an unconscious Mountain inside it. "You can fuck him if you want, but I wouldn't recommend it."

"Is that…" Oberyn trailed off as he stared at the cart that was brought to us.

"A peace offering," I said as I stepped forward, Ser Barristan who I completely forgot was here stepped forward as well. "One Prince to another."

"Is he?" Oberyn asked as he stared at the unconscious form of the Mountain.

"No, I figured I'd give you the honor." I said as I gestured to the large man. "He's all yours."

"Then he will come stand-

"Kill him," I interrupted the man. "Kill him right now and be done with it. I know what he did, to you and your family. To other people and their families. This man is guilty. Kill him now and be done with it. If he wakes up, it will cause problems. He will kill as many people as he can before he is put down. He is a dog, no worse than a dog. A beast that does not need to be treated like man. Put him down right here right now."

Oberyn frowned as he stared at the Mountain before sighing and holding up his spear. "You make a convincing argument," he said before he took a step back and thrust his spear right through the Mountain's head. "N-

Whatever he was about to say was interrupted by the fucking Mountain let out a loud roar-despite the spear lodged in his eye socket. The beast of a man tried to get on his feet but his coordination must have been off cause he just ended up falling off the cart.

"Oh no you don't!" I yelled as I moved, grabbing the spear still sticking out and pushing it further. I then pulled it out as blood gushed out in gallons, the Mountain screaming in pain before I shoved the spear in-between his eyes and through his head. His whole body froze before he fell down dead. "Well that happened," I said as I I spun the spear a bit.

"Perfectly balanced," I said before handing it over to Oberyn. "A good spear."

"...yes," The Martell said as he got back his spear. "That was-

"Completely expected, this fucker was literally the strongest man in all of Westeros." I said with a nod. "Now, why don't you show me around? I've been stuck on the bloody boat for too long."

"Of course, the honor is mine, Prince Jason." Oberyn said. "Come, let me show you what Dorne has to offer."

…

A few hours later I was laughing it up with Oberyn Martell. A cup of wine in hand and some roasted food in the other as I listened to tales of his adventures across Essos. Now you might be thinking, shouldn't I have gone to talk to Doran Martell?

Apparently he was busy and would summon me at his earliest convenience. A power move but whatever.

Oberyn had apologized and to make it up to me he threw me a welcome party.

The variety Dorne had to offer completely made up for Doran's dick move. After seeing pale white, green eyed and blonde girls it kinda got boring. But the dark skinned, big booty women of Dorne were a wonderful sight. The way they danced, moving their barely covered bodies to the music just turned me on.

But there was one that caught my attention.

She was currently eating an apple, in the sexyest way I have ever seen. Even as Oberyn talked my ear off, my eyes would always wonder to the beautiful mature woman.

"So while I was fighting in the pits this fucker gets stabbed in the ass and his shit comes flying out his mouth! Hahaha!" Oberyn said as he burst out laughing at his own joke. He noticed my staring before he smug smirk made its way to his face. "Oh, I see you have caught the eye of my paramour. She is quite the beauty isn't she?"

"She is," I muttered before shaking my head. "Sadly she's taken." Too bad, she looked like my kind of woman. And Oberyn was a cool dude who I definitely didn't want to cuck.

"Yes she is but this is dorne my friend!" Oberyn laughed as he slapped me on the back. "Sharing is caring! Come, let me introduce you!"

…

Cersei Lannister walked over to the throne where her would-be husband was seated. In the last few months Robert had gone from the fat King to a large muscular bear. Not quite in his prime but he was getting there. The man was dedicated to training all day, he never drank and never brought whores to his room. In short Robert hadn't fucked anything in months.

But that was not the case for her…

Cersei had tried her best to seduce Robert into sleeping with her but the man wouldn't even so much as look at her. He was always too tired or he was too busy. Never made time for her.

The situation was not in her favor, right now she was carrying her beloved twin's child. She planned on convincing Robert that it was his but the man just did not care for her. Sure he never cared before but now he doesn't even look at her. He had this intense look in his blue eyes, much like Jason…

"Cersei," She was brought out of her thoughts by Robert's booming voice. Blue eyes stared deep into her soul as she did her best not to flinch. Robert looked more and more like the king he was these days. His Warhammer next to his throne as he looked at her. "You're pregnant."

Cersei's eyes widened. How? Her belly wasn't yet swelling!? "Yes, I am with child." She said maybe the servants noticed her morning sickness.

"Congratulations," Robert said as he stood up. His large muscular form walked towards her. "Did you know, it is written that Baratheon blood is strong. One of the strongest in all of Westeros, equal only to Stark blood. Lannister blood is strong but not that strong."

"I don't follow," A confused Cersei asked. What was this idiot going on about?

Robert was now infront of her. "I have fucked whores, lots of them. Heck I've even hate fucked a Lannister cunt that looked like you. I have Bastards all over the seven bloody kingdoms. Do you want to know what my children look like?"

Cersei took a step back, wide eyes staring up at Robert. "Wh-What is this? You think your children are not yours?! Jason-

"Is my son, there is no doubt about that." Robert said smoothly. "Joffrey looks nothing like me."

"Coward! You dare reject your own son!" Cersei yelled in rage. But inside she was panicking, Robert was on to her. She needed to salvage this, make him believe he was wrong. "My love-

"LET THEM IN!" Robert roared as Cersei flinched.

The doors to the keep opened, Jon Arryn and children of different ages walked in. Ten of them. Seven boys and three girls.

Robert forcefully grabbed her and made her face the children.

"Look at them, tell me what you see." Cersei's wide eyes looked at the children, Black hair and of blue eyes. She could see Robert in them. They even resembled…Jason. They all looked like his siblings. "TELL ME WHAT YOU FUCKING SEE!"

Cersei flinched, she was now profusely sweating. "I…I don't know what to-

"Don't fucking lie to me!" Robert growled as he glared at her. "These are my heirs, my children, my fucking blood!"

"Joffrey-

"SILENCE!" Robert roared before turning to face Arryn. "Take them, I don't want them to see this next part."

…what?

Jon Arryn nodded. "Come along children, your father wishes for privacy."

Cersei stared at Robert in fear before she faced Jon Arryn who was walking away with the children. "W-wait, my lord hand! The king I am-

"He won't listen to you," Robert said as Cersei turned to face him.

"You can't compare common whore spawns to someone born of Lannister blood! My blood is just as strong if not stronger!"

Robert sighed as he rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Even now, you've been caught red handed but you still lie." He said with a shake of his head. "Give it up woman, Joffrey that brat and my little Myrcella…are not my blood."

"I…" Cersei bit her lip and did what most women who have been caught cheating did, she blamed the man. "It was you! This is all your fault! You treated me like trash, I had to find love else where-

"Love? You think I care about that? Cersei, I don't care about you." Robert said as she looked at him in shock. "The day Jason was born, I decided I would be a good husband and father. I did my best to love you, but the glares, insults and back talk made me give up. You aren't worth it. I was the best father I can be and my boy turned out great. It's all thanks to me, not you. Look at Joffrey, the boy is a cunt and that is all you. This isn't about our love, I gave up on you as you did I. I may be an idiot but I'm not dumb. I assumed you had lovers, I didn't care. I knew you were fucking around but didn't know with who and I didn't care. You Cersei, I have never loved. You married me and became Queen of the Seven Kingdoms. I married you and gained Jason. We are even."

"But if you knew and didn't care-

"Then you fucked it up, you had children elsewhere. And then had the balls to make me raise them as my own! I wanted Mya to come here but you wouldn't have it, you even threatened her!" Robert growled as he glared. "Not only that, but you killed my heirs! Unborn Baratheon children killed off cause you were spiteful. Not raising my son-our son! Just because he wasn't your lover's?"

Cersei flinched back, she was done. He was going to kill her. The only good thing that came out of this was he didn't know about Jaime. "Please, spare the children." She whispered as she looked down, tears flowed from her eyes.

"I'm not going to kill them, or you." Robert said as she looked up at him with wide eyes. "The one thing that is saving you right now, can you guess?"

Cersei blinked the tears out of her eyes. What did he mean?

"Guess you're not as smart as you think," Robert remarked. "Jason, he sent a letter saying he wanted to make amends with his beloved mother. How he couldn't wait to see his baby sister."

Cersei's eyes widened at that. Her…her son saved her? He wanted to make amends? After all this time, he still thought about her?

"They may not be my children but they are Jason's siblings. He loves them, and I do not wish to take them from him." Robert said as he sighed.

"What…what happens now?' Cersei asked softly. Her heart was touched by the fact that her first born loved her.

"From this day forth, you are queen in name only. You have no power whatsoever. Joffrey will also be prince in name only, I will have his name changed to Lannister and give him to your father. Little Myrcella will be my daughter, she may not be mine but when Jason was gone she filled the void he left." Robert said before he walked past her. "Get rid of the one in your stomach, your punishment for killing my own."

Cersei fell to her knees as she sobbed.

…

"Lysa you failed me,"

"I…I did my best, but he won't come home!" Lysa cried, an ugly cry that made Petyr Baelish cringe inwardly.

The dumb cunt had one job, to poison her old stupid husband! Petyr had it all planned out. The Lannisters would take the blame and the Vale would be his! A few more steps and he would rule the North! Then she would be his! What was stolen would now be his!

"Petyr my love please! Forgive me!"

Petyr ignored the ugly bitch as he thought things through. Jon Arryn hadn't left the Red Keep in years, the man practically lived there now. It's safe to say he wasn't coming home anytime soon. Which means he had to pay someone off to poison the old fart!

It would take a lot of coin but it would be worth it, besides. He was master of coin, no one would notice if he got a few coins for himself.

…

They fucking noticed.

Somehow, someway, the hand of the king had decided to start counting the King's coin.

In the small council, key word being small because for some reason only three people were in the room.

Jon Arryn and the Lord of the Seven Kingdoms.

"Well you see my lord hand, the king threw a lot of extravagant-

"Oh so it's my fault now," The king chuckled as walked behind Petyr, like a large Bear looming over a defenseless Deer. Of course it didn't help that he had his Warhammer in hand.

"No-but we had to borrow a lot of money from the Iron bank! The tourneys we held every year on Prince Jason's name day! It-

"So it's my son's fault aye?" Robert Baratheon asked with a smirk. Petyr looked at Jon Arryn, the gullible old fool was his last hope. After all, he had given him the position of master of coin because the old fool pitied him. Maybe-why was the old fart shaking his head?

"Blaming my son for your thievery? Don't make me laugh!"

Petyr Baelish blinked only for a Warhammer to come down on him his head and fucking decapitate him.

"My king, perhaps we would have gotten more information out of him."

They say the head is still alive for a few seconds even after it's been removed from the body.

"You know how I get about my son," Robert Baratheon said with a shrug.

"What was with the 'don't make me laugh' part?" Jon Arryn asked as Robert grinned.

"You like it, it's a thing I say now. Whenever I kill someone. I feel it strikes fear into their hearts when they hear it." Robert said Petyr's eyes closed shut.

His last thought being how the fuck they found him out.

…

End

Yeah self insert fic set in Game of Thrones.

Jason is just making his way through life while the world around him happens. I find funny that Jason is waiting for his fat boar of a father to get poisoned and die while Robert said fuck that and decided to become Shao Kahn.

Kinda just did it on a whim one day, and didn't bother posting it. Kinda just found it and decided to say fuck it lemme post it. Hope you guys enjoy it.

Bye