Chapter 10

As she predicted, all that talk about Gil Grissom couldn't end up well. Not that being with him all day long working on the case was somewhat difficult. Not at all. As Nick said, they worked well together and have always had the power to separate their personal interest from the business they had to run.

But now, unlike then, she couldn't just go home and be with him, talk to him, have breakfast, watch a movie, take care of their dog, their house, make love. And it killed her. Obviously she wouldn't do anything about it, they lived two separate lives now and everything was temporary. It wouldn't be healthy to make herself miserable again.

She would be lying to herself, though, if she said that she was not willing to talk about the dream with him. It was funny, but creepy and insane all together, and she could not stop thinking about it. Maybe she'd hide the wedding band part, but: would it even make sense?

He told her more than once after the divorce that she could rely on him for anything. A weird dream about them would count? She thought hard about it, but decided to let it go. Deep down, she was afraid to be using the dream as an excuse to talk to him on a more intimate basis.

What a joke!

So, when she was done for the day, she grabbed her stuff, purse, car keys and coat and headed towards the door at the same time DB was.

"Hey! Leaving?", she asked.

"Yeah, long day. Can't wait to go home", he replied, opening the glass door to her, which made her smile as a thank you.

"I'm going to pay Jim a visit and then go home", Sara said.

"Really?!" he asked, a little bit surprised, a tone Sara didn't understand at all, but wasn't in a mood to figure it out.

"Yeah, I don't really like hospitals, but I like Jim and I've been worried about him."

"Yeah, yeah", DB agreed. "Well, you go, talk to him, it will be good".

After that, they said their good-byes and parted different ways: Sara towards her car, DB to his. She really liked DB and would miss him. The thing with this job, Sara pondered, is people coming and going all the time. She likes to think about him as a friend, he was there in one of her toughest moments, he was a good companion and a really nice boss.

—

Getting to Desert Palms was never a good trip. Most of the time was to check on some victim or suspect. But, sometimes, it was a beloved friend who needed some support. At least, as Catherine had made the first visit, she already knew Jim Brass was well enough to chat and be around people. The "waiting for news" period could be suffering and, in a very selfish way that made her curse herself, she was glad it wasn't necessary for her to be on that shoe.

What Sara wasn't expecting when she asked the receptionist which room Jim was, though, was the number the lady said: "303". She'd never forget that room number. In a very silly way, she prayed to be wrong, to have forgotten. Or, perhaps the room numbering has changed. Yeah, probably not.

As she walked, more and more she felt like hallucinating as her heart felt like it was beating like a rock song. As she was getting closer to the room, she could even hear the quiet tone Grissom used to talk and the sharp way Brass would answer wherever he was.

Even though she couldn't make sense of the exact words, she could hear their tones, just like when she was lying in that room and, deep in sleep, could feel and hear people around her, but not exactly what they were talking about.

"Yeah, heavy drugs", Greg had told her, making a rock n' roll sign with his hand.

She wasn't feeling fine at all when she knocked on the door and, to her total surprise, Gil Grissom opened it up. His expression changed when he saw her, showing a smile as he said "Hey!", which she answered the same way, feeling a little bit relieved that the voices weren't in her head, after all.

"Hey, doll!", Brass said in a cheerful way. Sara approached and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"Hey yourself, how are you doing?", she asked as she sat on a chair, opposite to Grissom, that sat on his own chair right after she did. Brass was laying down on the bed between them. "I see you have a visitor already".

"Oh, you're much better than him.", Brass pointed out, which made her feel a little more at ease. "In fact, we were just talking about you".

"Oh, this explains my ears burning", Sara said, while taking a quick look around the room. It looked exactly how she remembered it. Hospitals don't make changes for no reason, apparently. There was a door, which she knows leads to a bathroom. Right on the left corner, there's a different shade on the carpet that was exposed while she was there. Gil had to move the bedside table over, so she could relax about it. The curtains behind her were heavy and white. And finally, a television right in front of the bed, now turned off, as it was most of her time while laying on that bed.

"How are you doing, Sara?", Brass asked.

"Fine. I'm not the one on this bed, so I'm fine", she chuckled.

Grissom stood up and Sara looked at him, sometimes it was hard to believe he was actually there. They were suddenly so close that she could easily move her arms around his hips and rest her head against him like she had done so many times before. And he could lean over and kiss the top of her head, just like he did uncountable times when she was in Brass's place.

The pain was present, but at the same time it was OK, she couldn't quite explain it. The heaviness on her eyes were very unusual, but Greg had said, and Nick confirmed, that it was the drugs. Warrick had said she was sleeping everything she didn't in her whole life, which made her laugh a little too hard for the lousy remark. But, as Gil said, she was a little bit high. She knew a thing or two about being high, so she believed him right away.

There was no doubt the drugs were making her head fly high as a kite, especially when Cath had stopped by to visit, and Sara had asked her to sit next to her, because it was time to finally tell her something very important. Catherine told her, the next day, laughing so hard tears rolled from her eyes, that she had moved next to her as she was told, leaned over, hoping to get the gossip of her life, just to hear Sara saying:

"I'm actually made of sand", high Sara had said in a whispering tone. "I'm about 132 pounds of sand, with an approximate volume of..." She paused for a moment. "37.5 gallons. Assuming a density of 100 pounds per cubic foot, of course."

"Well…", now fully awake Sara started, "the math is correct.", a statement that made Catherine laugh even more trying to say she was "such a nerd" in between. "Besides, what would you expect? I never have any gossip to share".

"Oh, really?", Cath asked, her eyes sparkling with teasing.

"Yeah, really", she replied.

"So, let me ask you one thing." and Sara agreed with a shake of her head before Cath continued "Is Grissom romantic?"

"What?! How am I supposed to–" and right on this moment Sara looked at Gil, standing next to the door, looking directly at her, starting to blush a little bit and she got it all. The cat was out of the bag, there was no point in going further into that. "I left you alone for five minutes, you know".

She couldn't blame him. Even if he hadn't slipped it out, it would be just a matter of time til everyone discovered it during the investigation. Just for starters, she wasn't living in her address anymore. Simple math.

Gil was always on her eyesight, always. Well, at least while she was awake. She remembered waking up with the loud sounds of the helicopter. After that, she woke up already at the hospital, in bed, with a member of the morning shift processing her. Grissom and Brass in the room, giving the woman time and space to work on her, but not leaving her alone. She could see Gil's eyes were red, his arms crossed and he didn't blink at all. The only time his eyes moved was when he felt her looking at him, and he looked at her. He gave her a reassuring, but a sad smile, and kept his eyes on her, til the moment she drifted back to sleep again.

She wondered who had made a trip to their house to get them both clothes. Probably Brass or Cath. What about Hank, was he well fed and taken care of? Probably Gil called the sitter to arrange things. They caught Natalie? They sure did. She'd ask Gil later to confirm. She had so many questions…

The first time she woke up after being rescued, Gil was sleeping with his head on her bed while sitting and holding her good hand. As uncomfortable as it was, he managed to rest. And when he felt her hand move, he woke very alert, saying her name and kissing her on the lips and on the top of her hair. He asked how she was feeling, if she wanted water, food. His tears dropped on his handsome face and he couldn't help himself and kissed her again on the lips, cheek and neck, trying hard to not hurt her.

Everytime she was awake, she'd ask a question. Gil told her Brass and Cath were at their house to pick up some stuff for them, Hank was with the sitter when everything happened, but Greg said he'd take the dog with him while they were at the hospital. Her arm was broken in two places and she had already had surgery to make it better.

"But you'll have to wear a cast for a few weeks. I'm sorry, dear", he said with his eyes full of tears. She didn't understand why, she was fine.

She'd leave the hospital soon, with a short prescription list: one antibiotics, a light painkiller, creams for her bruisers and skin, and some anti-flu.

"They believe you are going to show signs of flu, because of all the changes in temperature you got. And…", Gil explained, "if you feel anxious or if you have a bad time sleeping, we can come back for a different prescription".

She was sleeping fine.

"You know the drill, they will come to take your testimony by the end of the day today. If you are not feeling up to it, it's okay, we can do it another time."

"Yeah, I want to do it as soon as possible", she told him with confidence.

"That's all right. I will be here with you." she was grateful to hear that "And when they release us from here, we will have both two weeks off work".

That took her by surprise.

"Really, why?"

He made a face. "You weren't expecting to come back to work in just two days, were you?"

"Actually, I don't know what to think… But what about you?"

"I asked for some family leave", he said simply.

That was probably the first time she felt emotional. Family leave. Okay. All she could think of was how handsome he looked, how sweet he was and so much in love with her he was. What has she done to deserve this man, she'd never know. She was worried about his body in that chair, having to sleep so uncomfortably just because of her. So, instead of saying anything, she just slided a little bit to the other side of the bed, making some room on her right side. It was a large hospital bed, even though it was thought for only one person, the single bed could be better used.

"Come on", she urged.

"I don't think…", he started, but she shut him up.

"Please, Gil, lay down with me. If the nurses complain, you can come back to the chair. But it's late, I really doubt they will".

He knew she was right. So he took off his shoes and laid down beside her. They managed a position where both were comfortable without the risk of falling out of the bed. His arm was across her waist and his face buried on her hair.

"I really hope no one gives us a speech about it", he said in a low voice, chuckling as she joined him in the laughter. "I love you very much, Sara, I always have and always will. Never forget about it, please." and he took his time kissing her temple.

"I won't, I love you too, and I'm glad to be here", she said a little after. But she wasn't very sure if he actually heard it, because, by the way his breathing was, he fell deep asleep very fast. But it was okay. She soon followed him in a dreamless sleep.

"I'm going down the hall to buy something to drink.", Grissom told them as he approached the door, and she felt his touch on her shoulder. "Do you want something, Sara?"

"Uh… No, no, when I leave, I'll buy water." she said, "thank you".

"Jim?"

"Thanks, buddy, I'm good"

When Grissom left, Jim was the first to speak.

"So, how are you, really?"

Sara chuckled. "I'm fine, really."

"So, why are you acting a little bit off?", Jim asked without perambulating.

"Because…", she shook her head. "This room was the same room…"

"... you were when you were kidnapped.", he completed.

She stared at him, blankly.

"Yeah, and I… I don't know, when I was in the hall, I could swear I could hear both your and Gil's voices, just like when I was laying there…" she swallowed, "and I thought I was crazy".

"Well, good news: we were both in here, talking, so that's why you heard something", Brass said, crooking his head.

"Yeah… I just… Don't like the effect it still has on me, you know, I feel…"

"Weak?"

"Yeah, kind of", she confessed.

"Sara, what Gil and I were both talking about when you came was about what happened.", Brass told her. When she said nothing, he continued "I have to say I didn't remember the room number, but Gil arrived here a little weird already. Well, the guy is weird, we both know it"

Sara chucked because she knew he didn't mean bad, but she couldn't help herself: "He's not."

"You were married to him, so I'll give you some credit for that, but… He felt it too, and we were talking about how dark it was, how horrible it is, that something like that could happen."

She was in silence for a moment, thinking about it. How that event changed everything around her. Without realizing, she started to massage her left arm, suddenly feeling a discomfort in the area.

Gil reappeared, breaking the silence, and held out a bag to her.

"What is it?", she said, accepting the bag from him and looking inside. It contained some snacks bars, chocolate, a water bottle and orange juice. "All for me?" and when he shook his head in the affirmative, she completed with "Thanks!".

"What about me?", Brass asked.

"You told me you wanted nothing"

"So has she", Brass pointed out, which made Grissom lift his shoulders and get back on his seat while drinking his water.

"You know…", Sara started quietly as she unwrapped her protein bar, "I never had the courage to get back to that veggie restaurant on the strip mall. And I was crazy about their food."

Grissom looked at Jim and then at Sara, immediately noticing that her hand was massaging her left arm, a nervous habit he knew all too well she got from her experience at the desert.

"Not even delivery?", Jim asked curiously.

"No…"

"Food wrapped on plastic isn't the same thing", Grissom smiled as he repeated the words she had said to him years ago, when she told him that after getting used to his cooking, food wrapped on plastic didn't do the trick to her appetite.

She looked deeply at him and smiled sadly back. The moment didn't last long, because a nurse entered the room and told them she understood law enforcement had some benefits, but it was time to go. So Gil and Sara stood up, Gil shook his friend's hand and Sara gave him another kiss on the cheek before going.

After the door was closed, they walked down the hall in silent confort towards the elevators, and for a moment Sara thought Gil would rest his hand on the small of her back, but it didn't happen. Of course not. So she decided to break the silence.

"Is your car in the parking lot?", she asked, although it seemed oblivious enough.

"I don't have a car. I've been taking rides and cabs", he told her.

"I didn't know that, I'm sorry, I thought you had a rental–"

"It's ok", he said, offering her a smile.

When the elevator reached the ground, she took a deep breath and hoped to God she wouldn't regret her next words.

"So, do you wanna a ride to… wherever you are?"

"Yeah, I'd love one", he quickly replied.

Even though they fell in silence after the agreement, she felt emotionally tired and he could feel it on her walk. When they reached her car and she was ready to go to the driver's side, he covered her hands with his, which made her look at him, and he said "Let me drive". Without saying anything, she gave him the keys and, gladly, she took the passenger's seat. Even before he opened the driver's door, she had her belt already fastened and her eyes closed. She heard him sitting, fasten the belt and start the engine.

"Sara?", he asked softly.

"When we arrive at your address, wake me up if I'm sleeping"

"Actually…", he started hesitating.

Sara opened her eyes and turned around to see him.

"Yes?"

"I was thinking about what you said before and I was wondering… Do you want to grab something to eat at the veggie place at the strip mall?" he asked, looking at her.

She was taken back. Suddenly feeling very awake and alert.

"I'll go with you. And it doesn't need to be something very elaborate. If you feel bad, we can get out of there, it's fine, no questions needed.", he promised.

She blinked several times before answering.

"Why?"

He killed the engine.

"Because you liked the place, it was really good", he smiled, "and, after everything happened, of course I wasn't expecting you to return there like nothing had happened. But… I'm sure I didn't encourage you to.", he told her in a slow and quiet tone. "I was so afraid…" he said in a whisper. "I didn't go either, I didn't make the effort. I never even went to that mall again." He was in silence for a moment, his eyes were out of focus. "And I… don't think it's fair. I know she took a lot from you, from us, and… At least your favorite restaurant you should get back."

They were in deep silence. To be honest with herself, Sara was nervous. All her tiredness was forgotten. It was a nice offer and he was honest and open with her. She was afraid she'd fail, but… She felt so safe with him, even if she did fail and cry her eyes out in front of the mall, he'd probably get her back in the car and apologize one hundred times for the idea. The worst scenario was that. In the best scenario, she would sleep feeling good about herself, about the one more obstacle she survived, as silly as it is. And more: she'd have her favorite restaurant back. Plus, she couldn't let this little detail out of her decision: she'd spend more time with Gil.

"Ok", she finally said.

"Ok?!", he asked, his face lit up.

"Yeah, but… Some rules: we can go to the restaurant, but…"

"But…?", he encouraged.

"No parking in the garage, we have to find a space somewhere else. I won't come back there", she said firmly.

"Thank God", he said relieved, "I don't wanna go there either. So, deal?", he offered his hand and she shook it.

"Deal"

—

The ride to the mall was nice enough. They talked about Brass, mostly, and Sara learned that he will be out of the hospital in less than 24 hours. So the next visit will be in some restaurant already or in his own house. They were only keeping him as a precaution, nothing more.

It wasn't easy to find a place to park the car on the street, but soon enough they found a parking garage just a block away from the mall. So, with the car parked, they walked towards the mall. Sara could feel her hands getting sweaty and she did her best to get it dry on her clothes without alerting Grissom, which was by far her most innocent action. But of course he did notice. And without any words, he slid his hand on hers, intertwining their fingers automatically like they did a thousand times in the past.

"Is this OK?", he asked. And she shook her head saying a silent yes. They walked the rest of the crowded block hand in hand, like any other couple, and remained like that even when they reached the veggie restaurant.

"Here we are, Sara", he smiled and squeezed her hand, his thumb caressing her finger.