The Change 1 Chapter 2, a yargi fanfic

Chapter 2

Sometimes, she really doesn't like herself, and during those times, she tells herself that she really shouldn't be like this, that she shouldn't keep making decisions on the spot, and that she should think about the consequences of what she's about to do, only for her heart to tell her no; she's Ceylin - she is who she is, and she can do whatever she wants without getting anyone's permission or advice.

If the intruding voice of her conscious tries to tell her that she's making a mistake, she usually shuts it down with a short answer, telling herself that she will cross that bridge when she gets to it. Well, she's now come to a bridge that she didn't consider crossing at all today, and it's all because she made the hasty decision of leaving Ilgaz behind. Today was supposed to be about her and Ilgaz, yet here she is thanks to her last-minute decisions. She still doesn't know which part of her thought it was a good idea to come to court, but here she is, knocking on Neva's door for entry.

'Come in,' a soft voice answers from inside, to which she responds with closing her hand around the handle, pushing the door back and stepping inside where Neva's waiting face meets her.

Uff, she mentally chastises herself, what is she doing here? Why did she suddenly change her mind about buying a car and deciding to get onto the bus with no destination in mind?

'Good afternoon,' she politely greets despite regretting being here. 'Are you free? Could we talk?'

'Yes, come in, please,' Neva invites with a nod as she points to one of the visitors' chairs. 'Have a seat.'

Although she does move closer to the desk, she will not sit down, it's already decided. There's just something in the air about being here that isn't okay with her. She felt it just before she knocked, but since she ignored that feeling, she'll just have to do her best not be prolong her stay here.

'I won't be staying for long, thank you,' she refuses, adding a polite smile. 'I only came to thank you for my release. Ilgaz told me that you are the judge responsible for seeing his petition, which led to my release.'

Truthfully, it's a little awkward that she's here talking to Ilgaz's ex about him. She's never been the jealous type, but with Neva… Neva was always there; in framed pictures with Ilgaz and Defne, coming to the house unannounced, apparently having a 'beautiful heart'… Neva and Ilgaz are just a pair that she isn't comfortable with, hence the awkwardness for her. Despite that, however, she has never been an ungrateful person. She has always thanked the people when she needed to, which is why she can't make an exception with Neva for being Ilgaz's ex.

'He believes in your innocence,' Neva softly answers her, tilting her head to the side as if considering something. 'He believes it so much, so sure that he knows you as much as he knows himself, and seeing as Ilgaz is never wrong, I chose to trust him.'

'Okay,' she quietly accepts, but she'd prefer it if Neva didn't praise Ilgaz to her.

It's fine, anyone can praise Ilgaz, she doesn't care about it, only, when it comes from Neva, it feels too personal and intimate. Also, she doesn't have to make it obvious that she only did this for Ilgaz, not for justice necessarily.

'Anyway,' Neva starts to speak again, 'it's good that you came. If you remember the last time that I spoke to you about Ilgaz, you told me to direct my questions to him. You should know that I spoke to him last night. I asked him about everything, and he answered me in detail, and now I only need to know your side of things.'

What side of things? There's nothing about Ilgaz that she wants to talk about with Neva, not yesterday, not today and not tomorrow. To communicate that, she shrugs at her, hoping her disinterest is perfectly clear. This is why she shouldn't have come here.

'Do you love him?' Neva shamelessly asks, her eyes directly set on her as if waiting to catch whatever fault may slip onto her face.

'Eh...' she begins, a bit lost as to how to answer that, and more amused by the audacity. 'Why?'

They're not friends who can share such information. Even if they were friends, what does her thanking Neva have to do with her love for Ilgaz?

'Don't misunderstand me,' Neva clarifies. 'I don't want to see him get hurt, that is all. If you don't love him, if you're only interested in him for one reason or another, don't make him hope in you and your love. He doesn't deserve it. He is a wonderful man-'

'Not that it concerns you, but I am not using him,' she quickly cuts the other woman off, suddenly very irritated with where this is headed. 'I wouldn't need him as a prosecutor to gain anything for myself. I know my way around these courts all on my own, thank you. I was able to get around before I was ever seen walking with him. I'm very capable on my own! And please don't mistake my gratitude for an opportunity to interrogate me about my personal relationship with Ilgaz.'

She doesn't need another person to question her about Ilgaz again. Her blood is still hot from his father's reprimand, Neva shouldn't make it hotter.

'I love him,' Neva tells her simply, quite proudly in fact, as she gets up from her seat. 'I do my best not to anymore, but his love is like no other person's in this world. You don't know his love like I do. You couldn't imagine what his love is like. I would hate it if you hurt him when I could be next to him, loving him as he deserves.'

Having said that, Neva folds her arms as if challenging her to say something combative, but for a moment, she's completely speechless, only able to look and blink at Neva.

And who is she to decide that she doesn't know Ilgaz's love? Who told her anything about the type of love that she's seen from Ilgaz in her darkest hours?

Asking herself those questions, the first sign of her rising anger shows itself by heating up her neck. With that manifestation, it's only a matter of a few words before she bursts with uncontrollable fury and verbally lashes out at Neva. The problem is, if she lashes out at Neva, it might put another stain on Ilgaz's name while painting her unworthy of his love in Neva's eyes. Fine, Neva can believe what she wants about her, but she can't let Ilgaz's reputation suffer because of her. In short, this conversation must end before it gets out of hand.

'Thank you for the concern for him, Neva,' she tightly gets out, barely managing a polite smile, 'but don't worry, I have no intention of hurting him. Thank you again for what you did, but now if you will excuse me –'

'Ceylin!' Neva stops her. 'Don't hurt him, I'm warning you. You've already changed so much about him. He's not the Ilgaz that we know anymore. People have talked about nothing but his resignation since it happened, and we all understand that it's because of you– he never would've done it otherwise. Even the Chief Prosecutor is prepared to fight for him if he decides to come back. There are many here who love and respect him. We won't appreciate seeing him broken for nothing.'

Huh. Apparently, she's nothing.

She only lets out a laugh of disbelief at that, because wow! All that she heard is that everyone's loyalty is to Ilgaz. She is nothing to them, basically, considered to be the devil in this story. It's all so clear to her, she's the bad person once again.

Huh. That stabs at her conscious deeply.

It's not that strangers have a false opinion about her, or even that she's not significant to them all, it's that apparently, from the eyes of others, her presence in Ilgaz's life will make everything that goes wrong in his life, her fault. What's more, that had always been her fear from the beginning. She was always afraid that she would eventually change him to become like her, but to hear a second person throw it in her face…

'Good afternoon, Neva,' she decides to say after the short silence. 'Thank you again for what you did, but please excuse me, I have somewhere else to be.'

Let it end here before things get out of hand.

26Chapters

She swears that the day started off well.

Everything from waking next to Ilgaz, meeting his grandfather on their way out, retracing her steps to remember everything that happened with Engin and then finally getting her a new phone, went extremely well. From there, everything just went downhill, starting with his confession which impulsively led her to Neva's office, which in turn forced her to come here.

Just when will it end?

She's just an expert at making the right choices lately, isn't she?

Uff, she should really start making better choices. Well, that's going to be for next time, because for now, here goes another one of her brilliant choices. Who knows where this one will lead her to next, if she's lucky, it'll maybe take her to the Chief Prosecutor's office, who will repeat everything that Neva said to her. That'll be a fun conversation... Or maybe, she should come to her senses, turn back now and rather consider what other options she might have. But no, she already came all the way here, so she might as well see the man.

'Can I help you, Miss Ceylin?' the secretary asks as she approaches the desk.

'Is Yekta in?' she asks even knowing that he most likely is, and look, there goes the chance to leave before getting herself into something risky.

'Yes. Did you have an appointment with him?'

'He will see me anyway,' she assures the secretary while her eyes look towards his office door. 'Is he alone?'

'He is with Miss Seda.'

'I'm going in,' she informs the secretary, her feet already moving towards Yekta's office.

Of course, the secretary won't do anything as stupid as try to stop her from going to Yekta, although, she is surprised that she's been allowed inside the building at all. For all the drama that Yekta likes to be involved in, she would have thought that he'd put a poster with her picture on the entrance walls, having it say that her entry was prohibited. The fact that he didn't, gives her a lot more confidence than what she came in here with, and so reaching his office, she opens his door without knocking. Shocked expressions from both Seda and Yekta meet her intrusion, almost as if she caught them in the act of something illegal.

'Ceylin?' Seda is the first to speak, 'You're here?'

Yes, she's free, she wants to answer, but when she notices Yekta getting ready to say something, she holds up her hand to stop him. If she lets him open his mouth before she does, he will only exaggerate everything for entertainment's sake.

'Don't,' she advises him. 'I need to talk to you in private. I have an offer for you.'

'Ah-ah, my dear Ceylin, what's this?' he laughs in response, looking from her to Seda, then to her again. 'You have an offer for me?'

'That's what I said,' she says, quite deadpanned and just right when it comes to dealing with Yekta.

'Okay,' he relents, turning to Seda right then. 'Would you excuse us, Seda? Ceylin and I will talk.'

He, of course finishes off with a mocking laugh, as if he's caught a fish that he was after for a long time, but that's not something surprising to her. Neither is to Seda, because nodding, she quickly excuses herself, quietly closing the door behind her and leaving them their privacy. As soon as the door closes, she fully turns to Yekta.

'I have an offer for you,' she repeats.

At first, Yekta only leisurely moves to take a seat at his table, then once he's settled in comfortably, openly gestures to an open chair on the other end of his table.

'Sit,' he offers, 'and tell me what good news you've brought me. The floor is yours.'

'You will be my lawyer,' she asserts as soon as she's taken her seat, and they are face to face.

Fittingly, Yekta bursts out laughing at what she said, making a big show of it. Because she came to him, because she's used to his behaviour, she silently allows him to laugh until he sobers up, though her eyes never once leave his face. He eventually stops laughing and composes himself, setting his eyes to study her in front of him.

'Ah, Ceylin, you're not joking?' he genuinely wonders, a small frown appearing on his face to show his confusion.

Just as evenly as before, she repeats, 'I want you to be my lawyer,' not wavering even a bit.

It's not a difficult request, neither is it one that she particularly wanted to make, but it's like that. When sacrifices have to be made, they just have to be made. He of all people should know that.

'Ah, of course, my dear,' he responds with a teasing laugh, resorting back to his usual behaviour after seeing that she is not messing around with him. 'Should I also send you to a pampering spar and buy you a fully furnished house while I'm at it?'

Pulling a face at him, she answers, 'Don't exaggerate, Yekta. I'm not asking you for your fortune. It's a simple request, be my lawyer and prove my innocence.'

For a long pause, Yekta does nothing more than look at her like she spoke nonsense. After that, however, a slight change appears on his face, the lines on his face deepening as he seems to be considering something, and she wonders if he's finally ready to take her seriously. It's when he leans his elbows on his table, bringing his body forwards, closer to her, that she understands how deeply he's considering her offer.

She can almost see what's going on inside his head, the way that he is piecing one thing to another and trying to find hidden pieces that he can later use to his advantage.

It's good, he should consider everything that he wants to, and then when he's finished, he should agree to defend her. After all, she has nothing to hide that he can use against her. After Ilgaz, he is the only lawyer that she can trust to demonstrate her innocence, and of course, unlike Ilgaz, if there's any unconventional way to obtain evidence, he'll easily take it. All in all, it'll be much easier to work alongside Yekta than it would've been to work with Ilgaz.

'You killed my son, Ceylin or did you happen to forget that too?' he finally asks.

'I didn't kill Engin, and you know that,' she answers him without flinching.

'Of course you didn't,' he mocks with an exaggerated head roll. 'You're a criminal, and every criminal says the same thing.'

She, a criminal?

A part of her wants to let out a humourless laugh, while the other wants to shake him to reality, but too serious to do both, she chooses to lean towards him in the hope of showing her determination.

'Aah, Yekta,' she sighs. 'Didn't you hear? I remember everything now. There's nothing stopping you from defending me.'

'Oh?' he raises an eyebrow together with an arrogant smirk. 'Who is to say that what you remember is not made up? Hmm, Ceylin? Can I trust that you aren't lying?'

'I didn't kill Engin,' she calmly insists, because she will not lose her temper in front of Yekta just yet.

'Of course, of course,' he nods, clearly faking his acceptance. 'If that's true, then run back to your beloved husband and he will defend you. Or what, is he so useless in defence that you came running to me? In that case, I'm very flattered by your confidence in me, Ceylin. You're clever to understand that only I can truly free you from your current mess.'

'Let's not get carried away, huh?' she pulls a face at him. 'Ilgaz is in a position to find evidence much easier and faster than you could. I'd be fortunate to have him defend me.'

It's true, it's only that being fortunate that he wants to defend her and actually allowing him that chance, are two very different things. Adding on what Ilgaz representing her would mean, she'd rather that he didn't.

'So then go back to him and let him try to save you! Leave the father of the man you killed alone!' he dramatically cries. 'You've caused me enough pain, Ceylin! My heart cannot withstand it anymore.'

All that's missing now, is a dramatic clutching of his heart.

And maybe some applause in the background.

The thought makes her laugh a little bit, leaning back in her chair, because Yekta will never stop being Yekta. Her laughter grows when she realises that this is part of what she'll have to put up with when he starts defending her.

Ag, Ceylin… When did she say she was going to start making better choices again?

'It's me, Yekta,' she calmly tries to stop him. 'You don't need to pretend that you cared about Engin to me. But let's say that okay, you cared about him, be my lawyer and together, we will find out who killed him and why. How do you think I found out about Engin killing Inci? It begins with defending the one who is accused of murder, Yekta. If I wasn't Çinar's lawyer, I wouldn't have found Engin. Look, I'm the best chance that you have at finding Engin's killer and you know it. If not for yourself, then for aunt Laçin. She deserves to know who killed her son, because it wasn't me.'

Fine, Engin turned out to be a killer, but at the end of it all, no matter what Engin did, his mother is still mourning her lost child. Finding out who killed him may help ease her pain.

'Once you get me acquitted, I will work with you,' she adds, giving him something more to work with.

He would love it, and he knows it. More than he would love it, he will benefit from her being a lawyer associated with his firm. She, on the other hand, is merely making a dangerous deal with the devil, because it's necessary to do so; her benefit will be little compared to his.

'Ah-ah! You?' genuine surprise paints his face, 'Working at Tilmen Law for me? Wow, wow, wow! The sensation!'

'I will be working with you,' she corrects him with a fitting attitude. 'I will not be your second Cuneyt. That's my offer. I will not change it.'

'Ah-ah! Are you proposing to be my partner, little Ceylin?' he wonders, but doesn't hide the calculating tone in his voice very well.

Good, she decides on the spot, that's very good. She likes that his opportunistic mind is working towards creating an advantage for himself. Even if he hasn't agreed yet, her seeds have been planted and will soon start sprouting.

And just like that, she rises from her seat, giving Yekta a careful look before telling him to, 'Think about everything I've said and let me know.'

His silence is all the answer that she needs to know that he will, and that in due time, she'll be walking down the court corridors under Yekta Tilmen's defence in exchange for Ilgaz's peace and happiness inside the prosecutor's office.

As she walks out, despite her calm composure before, she lets out a long breath for her own luck. She'll need the good fortune, because with Yekta, the terms and conditions are bound to be uncomfortable. He will eventually agree, that she knows, it's only the conditions that she is worried about.

26Chapters

To think that she'd only gone over there to avoid going home after seeing Yekta, it turned out to be one of the better things that she thought of all day. Nothing will beat remembering what happened with Engin, of course, but the clear mind that came with cleaning her office is close to that enough. Packing and cleaning her office did her more than good than she could've imagined. Not only did it help her put her thoughts and plans in order, it also made her feel at home.

Home is supposed to be the place where a person feels at peace and belonging, yet here she finds herself at home with her family feeling so out of place. Being here shockingly makes her feel so much more alone than she did when she was by herself at the office. Yes, she's happy enough to be back home, it's only that now she doesn't have any distraction from the fact that she hasn't made up with Ilgaz yet. When she cleaned her office, it was easier to ignore the pangs of longing for him. But with nothing to keep her busy here, all her thoughts are only with him.

Where is he? What is he doing? Does he miss her? Would it be bad if she goes to his house? Those same questions repeat in her mind each time that she looks at one of her family members paying attention to the TV. Again, she's glad to be home and free, but she really can't figure out how she will sleep without him tonight. How is life like this; she spent one night sleeping by his side and already, she can't manage without it?

Telling herself that she might sleep in her own bed tonight is like accepting that she lost her place of belonging. Although, can she really say that she belonged there with him? His father and aunt never liked her staying there. Their comments are the reason that she stopped living with him anyway. They'd made her feel like such an inconvenience to them as a family, that she couldn't ignore their attitudes anymore. She felt like she was dragging him down just by continuing to live with him, so she left. But what is she supposed to do now? Is she really expected –

'Ceylin, daughter, the door,' her mother's voice cuts through her thoughts.

Uff, she's really lost in her thoughts if she didn't hear the doorbell ring.

Nonetheless, she gets up without answering her mother, a bit too glad to have a distraction for a moment. Honestly, she doesn't even care who it is, why they're here at night and what they want, she only cares that she can do something other than sitting around, pretending to watch TV when her mind is really with Ilgaz. As she climbs down the stairs, she wonders if she shouldn't just go to his house anyway. What would be the problem if she does? How many times has she randomly shown up at his house by now? And it's not like he'll chase her away. Well, she hopes that he won't, seeing as they didn't exactly quarrel.

Okay, she's decided, as soon as she deals with whoever is at the door, she'll –

'Ilgaz?' she gasps as soon as the door opens and his face comes into perfect view; he's here?

'Can we talk?' he answers like they've been together all day, but they haven't been together all day.

In fact, she's missed him all day. His face is just the thing that she needs now. Also a hug. She really needs him to put his arms around her and make happiness spread all over her, touching places that have been longing for him so much.

'Are you angry?' she first asks before giving him an answer.

'No.'

He answers as if he didn't hear anything more absurd all day, making her very grateful for the person that he is. It could just be that he had a good day, but even if he did, it's little things like him overlooking her rash behaviour, to rather be fully present with her that made her fall in love with him so fast. She could've punched his father in the face and she's sure that he still would've wanted to be with her.

'Then can we hug?' she tests with her eyes locked on his and her body moving to him on its own.

His answer is to reach out both of his arms and pull her to him with a gentle greediness that has her dissolving into him right away. As his hands find her back and neck to keep her pressed to him, and her own arms wind around his middle, with her head resting on his chest, she feels the hollowness from before begins to fill up. Every breath that she pulls in, every whiff of his unique scent, consumes the emptiness until all she knows is unbelievable peace.

There is no way that she is giving this up tonight, she tells herself, which is as much of strength as she needs to force herself away from his wonderful embrace. She misses the embrace immediately, the only consolations being that his hands don't fully leave her body and the questioning look on his face.

'Wait for me,' she quickly explains to him. 'I'll be right out and then we can go.'

Frowning, clearly still unsure of what she's doing, he asks, 'Where?' for clarification.

'Home,' she responds with a smile, to which he nods and then releases her.

So as not to take up more time, she quickly goes back into the house, taking leaps up the stairs and before she's even fully in their sitting room, announces, 'Eh, Ilgaz came,' to her mother.

'Ilgaz?' her mother wonders, craning her neck to find him behind her. 'Where is he? Invite him inside. He is welcome.'

'No, he's waiting outside. I'm going with him.'

'Hmm,' her mother answers non-committedly, but her face tells another story.

'Mom,' she whines at her mother's attitude.

It's not the time for it. All right, it's a little awkward because no formal marriage announcement has been made, but the fact remains that she's technically married. Where is she expected to sleep if not next to her husband?

'What did I say?' her mother defensively shoots back. 'Did I say that Zafer left and now everyone can do whatever they want in this house? Did I say that nobody respects me in this house? No. Who am I? No one. What importance do I have in this house? None.'

'Mom, please don't be like that,' she softly cries. 'Did I say anything like that?'

'Do whatever you want, Ceylin,' her mother dismisses, flipping her hand in the air. 'Who I am to stop a married woman from going with her husband? Even if no formal ceremony was held,' she mumbles, 'what authority do I have to have any opinion concerning my own daughter's life?'

'Mom!'

'Go, Ceylin,' Aylin suddenly intervenes. 'It's cold outside, don't keep him waiting in the cold.'

Usually, she wouldn't leave without answering her mother back, although now, between arguing with her mom and going with Ilgaz, she will choose to argue with her mother another day. Her mother just mustn't forget how they'd thrown her out of the house once upon a time, and part of the three reasons why she married Ilgaz in the first place.

'Goodnight, everyone,' she says, following her sister's advice and then leaving before her mother makes another comment.

God knows that she loves her mother with her whole soul, but she can be so unnecessarily dramatic sometimes. When the time comes for her mother to confront her, she'll deal with the drama, but for now, she's only interested in rushing down the stairs to get back to Ilgaz. In a beat, she's pulling the door closed behind her and half jumping down the last steps to him.

'Let's go,' she says as she walks past him to the car, leading him to follow her.

Finally reaching her side of the car, she climbs inside and waits for him to get inside before facing him to tell him what she needs to.

'Just drive, we'll talk when we get home.'

Although he does give her a curious look, he promptly starts the car, silently steering the car home. The drive home is both long and peaceful enough for her to put her thoughts into place, that by the time that they are climbing up the stairs to the house, her every argument is ready. Once she steps into the house, she uses her arms to deliberately block as much of the way as possible to keep him out. It's a playful strategy to make it seem like she won't let him into his own house unless he accepts her conditions.

'Let's bargain,' she presents to his wondering stare.

'What do you mean?'

'I mean…' she begins, stepping back a little and dropping one arm, just to give him the impression that he can come in, but moves back into place when he tries to step in. 'We want different things, so we have to meet somewhere where both of us are happy.'

He's quiet for a moment, just running his eyes all over her face, and then as if deciding something important, moves closer to her, not quite touching her, though not distant enough to deprive her of his warmth.

'For example?' he asks, seemingly penetrating her soul through her eyes.

Whether he deliberately made his voice sound that smooth or not, she can't say, she can only say that he's very good at what he's doing. Or maybe she's just weak to him being that way. Whatever it really is, she's bound to lose at her own game, which is why she chooses to give him room to enter by gathering herself and quickly going into the sitting room. Just barely, she makes herself comfortable on the sofa that used to be her bed, when he finishes with everything from putting on some slippers and sitting down beside her.

'You didn't answer my question,' he starts their conversation over. 'What different things do we want?'

'You want me to live with you,' she carefully begins listing. 'You want me to wake up next to you, to eat with you, to drive with you to work in the mornings and evenings. You want to hug me, and you want me to bear your name.'

Not once did he specifically say that he wants her to use his surname. It has always been his actions that said it to her; how he wants everything traditionally familial with her, from the tiniest to the biggest thing. She won't lie, she wants it too, but only because of him and with him – no one else could've made her want all those things. Judging by his unwavering expression, he probably always did want those things for himself but even more so when he started loving her.

'I'm not wrong,' she notes with a soft laugh in her tone, partially teasing him for being so transparent.

'I didn't deny it,' is his even answer, 'but what do you want?'

'I want you to be happy, Ilgaz,' easily falls from her mouth. 'You need to go back to the prosecutor's office.'

And that's all there is to it. For as long as he is not the prosecutor that she started this journey with, then she will not be comfortable to be her wild, unorganized and unapologetic self. It's that simple; Ceylin being fully Ceylin is contingent on him being a prosecutor.

'Ceylin,' he sighs, 'I'm doing what I am supposed to. I want to do it.'

He would say that. Of course, he would say that, and he looks so serious and determined about it, but she can't accept it like that. It's not an easy thing for her to do, so she shakes her head to disagree with him.

'Look, if you promise to go back to your office, I promise to start living with you tonight,' she shoots right into the heart of the matter, knowing that it's exactly what he wants from her. 'I still think that it's a little early for us to live together, but because of my hopeless situation, I'll have to accept living with you. It's not so bad, really.'

'We've talked about this, Ceylin,' he tries to argue. 'I didn't do this because of you, I did it for myself. Your situation influenced me a lot, but I also thought very carefully about the man that I am and what is more important to me. I know that I made the right decision.'

'But I'm not okay with that decision,' she softly cries, her hands reaching out to touch his thighs. 'You're the one person whose life I can't ruin, don't you understand? Ilgaz, don't you see? I don't want your father to say that I've changed you. Neva says that I've changed you. Pars says that I've changed you, and damn it, if Eren wasn't the only support that I had with you, and you weren't so sure of yourself and your decisions, I wouldn't have the strength to stand all of this. I don't like going online and reading about how you've changed. It's like a burden on my shoulders, knowing that you're staining your name because of me. Okay, you say that you did it for yourself, but why don't I feel like that? I only feel like I'm this parasite who can't keep away from you and I've infected you with, I don't know, my craziness.'

'You're not a parasite,' he says after all that, making her smile just a bit – out of everything else, that's what's important for her to know?

'And you're not impulsive,' comes her response as she moves closer to take his face into her hands. 'You're calm and rational, Ilgaz. You don't do crazy things. You find reasonable solutions and you follow boring rules with every breath in your body. That's who you are. That's who's needed in the prosecutor's office, not in the lawyers' space.'

'You're not understanding me, Ceylin,' he answers, just then pulling her hands down to hold in his as his eyes bore into hers. 'You're my wife. I must protect you, that is my duty. I'm not running away from it.'

He's so dead set on it, she can tell. His voice, his face, and his soul are all convinced of the fact, and though her soul also beats along with his in that conviction, she can't let him sacrifice what he doesn't need to.

'You will protect me,' she promises from the deepest, most sincere part of her heart. 'I'm so grateful that you're ready to do everything for me, but you'll do it better from the prosecutor's office, believe me. I will get the right lawyer for my case, and I'll make sure that you are part of it all, but only return to your work first. I can't have your career on my conscious too. Think for a moment, how would you feel if I gave up being a lawyer when I didn't have to?'

As if worn out by her insistence, a tired 'Ceylin,' leaves him, but nothing more after that.

'Ilgaz...' she returns just as tiredly. 'I don't like this. It's hard to accept that you're doing things that aren't like you. I didn't want this for you. Ask Eren, he knows that I never wanted to change you. You do all these things for me, and I'm so afraid that you'll eventually change. I don't want you to change or have anyone say that I changed you. I want you to stay you. I fell in love with you because you're you.'

Literally, his hands still within hers, evidently taken aback by her confession. He shouldn't be so surprised, though, it's not the first time that she's telling him about her feelings. In fact, it's the third time, if she includes that night in Eren's office when he brought her tea. Still, it's a heart-warming thing to know that her feelings cause a reaction in him.

'It really means a lot to you that I return to my office?' he genuinely asks as if he's discovering her for the first time.

'You mean more to me,' she corrects him, not the smallest bit shy to admit it. 'I know that you will be happier there in your office. Please Ilgaz, you're not going to miss out on anything with my case. I will be with you all the time. I'll be here at home with you, and I'll update you with everything if Pars and Eren don't. You will be able to help me more as a prosecutor than as my lawyer.'

With his silence, she only hopes that his heart is taking in her words and delivering them to his conscious for a final decision.

'Also, I want to be known as the prosecutor's wife,' she jokes, adding a little laugh as she bounces her head from side to side to lighten the mood a little bit. 'I want to leave my robe in your office and pick it up only when I have a hearing. I won't have to carry it around all the time. Oooh, and when I walk down the corridors, people will respect me as their beloved prosecutor's wife. I plan to take full advantage of being the prosecutor's wife, by the way. No one will tell me no, and just imagine all the things that I can get away with as your wife.'

The possibilities are endless, and just thinking about them makes her want to get up and start dancing for some fun.

'Ceylin, you can't use being my wife to bend any rules,' he warns, and though sounding very serious, his eyes seem to find the amusement in her words.

'Uff ya, I can't bend any rules if you're not the prosecutor anyway,' she flings his warming away. 'You act like I already broke sixteen rules.'

'But you're capable even if I'm not the prosecutor,' he returns, to which she effectively rolls her eyes.

'Look, Ilgaz,' she turns serious, 'I'm used to people not liking me. I can live with people disliking me, but I can't live with separating you from your family. Your relationship with your father shouldn't be strained because of me. Look at me, I live with the burden of my father not forgiving me every single day. I don't know when he will come back, but...'

'He will forgive you,' he encourages, filling her short pause and squeezing her hands in a comforting attempt.

That's her hope, but she can't get carried away with thoughts about herself when she is trying to make him see reason.

'And your father is concerned about you,' she redirects. 'You weren't there when your father looked at me with anger. It was like at the beginning of Çinar's case when he couldn't stand me. I didn't mind then, because you were just my client's brother, but now I do. I don't want you to separate from your father for my sake. He's your father, while you've only known me for a few -'

'Don't,' he firmly stops her, even going as far as to release one of her hands. 'That has nothing to do with it. 'Hadn't I just broken off a long-term relationship before we started? Didn't I know Neva for many years? Time doesn't guarantee everything to be perfect. Take Engin, for example. Weren't you friends for years when he turned out to betray you? It didn't matter how long I lived my life with my father when Engin threatened me to choose between you and him. That threat was only difficult, because I knew what my father confessing to you would mean. My family is my family, but you are also my choice, Ceylin. I don't want to lose you, and if my father can't accept that, then there's nothing more I can do to show it to him.'

'You won't lose me, I promise,' she caresses his hand. 'And you don't have to choose either. I have no problem sharing you with your family. They dislike me, yes, but at least Defne welcomes me. She's enough for me. And your grandfather is sweet, I like him. Maybe he'll like me too.'

He smiles at her, but it seems only to console her, as he says, 'Don't worry about my family. They don't have to like you. We will be fine in any case.'

'Okay,' she slowly accepts. 'So that is, you'll submit your application tomorrow?'

'I don't know if I can just go back and ask for my old job back.'

'You can,' she assures him, refusing to acknowledge his short sigh. 'It's possible. They'll take you back. It's only you who needs some motivation, so come on, close your eyes.'

Through a frown, he asks a suspicious, 'Why?'

'Ah-ah, close your eyes, Ilgaz!' she lets out a soft laugh. 'I won't steal your money and run away.'

'That's because you don't know where I keep it,' he teases, barely containing a smile of his own.

'Just close your eyes,' she tells him again, and this time he does, giving her the opportunity to present, 'and now think of the name Ceylin Kaya,' while carefully watching his face for a reaction.

She doesn't have to look for long, because his eyes open almost immediately, falling into her deep gaze.

'Ceylin Kaya,' she repeats in a soft, meant-to-be-enticing whisper.

She adds a smile as well, something like a little colourful garnish on an already-appetising dish, and wow, if the shine in his eyes doesn't ignite her love for him to the fullest, she is not Ceylin. Still, she wants him to say it, it'll be good to hear it.

'How does it sound?' she asks, still whispering and edging her face closer to his.

'What?' he breathes.

Apparently, if the way that he holds his breath in waiting is something to go by, he wants to hear her say it again.

Just Ceylin Kaya without the preceding Erguvan is a sacrifice that she is willing to make for him. If her father had left on good terms with her, she wouldn't be so hung up on the family name. Due to the situation with her father, however, she doesn't want to get rid of her family name, except that she will have to, if it's what it will take to get Ilgaz back into the office. Despite her reputation as an Erguvan lawyer, she will be just fine to rebrand as a Kaya lawyer.

'Ceylin,' she teases first, and then breathes in, and then out, prolonging his wait just for the thrill of it.

He visibly swallows, filling the wait with that until it's not enough to keep him and he is forced to ask her, 'Ceylin?'

'Kaya,' instantly falls from her mouth, the softness in her tone flooding the air around them. 'Ceylin Kaya.'

'Hmm, Ceylin Kaya,' he hoarsely appreciates, the bass in his hum a low and very tantalising sound that she could hear for the rest of her life. 'It sounds beautiful. Perfect.'

'Good,' she softly replies, then slowly begins to lean back from him, because no, no matter the ambience around them, she won't try to kiss him again – she learned her lesson from earlier. 'Then you'll go and hand in your application? It's been one day, Ilgaz, they will take you back.'

With the spell now broken between them, he also recovers, tilting his head to the side and remarking, 'We don't know that,' to her suggestion.

'It's easy, trust me,' she advises. 'You can claim temporary duress when you made the decision. You can say that you hadn't slept since you found me –'

'I really didn't,' he lets her know. 'Last night was the first time that I really slept since everything.'

'Good, then you won't have to lie.'

Now she's hopeful that he's finally seeing reason, only for him to let out a short sigh, followed by a disagreeing, 'Ceylin...'

Uff, it's like they're going nowhere over, and over again. His attitude is so discouraging that she frees her hand from his to push her hair back from her face. Both of her hands remain on her head for a while as she readies herself to be extremely vulnerable with him.

'Ilgaz...' she starts, doing her best to sound as neutral as possible. She doesn't want to sound overly emotional in a way that may come off as manipulative. 'I know that I can act like nothing bothers me, but this does. You believed in me so much, you were ready to fight for me whether I was guilty or not, and you have no idea what that means to me. My own father, who entrusted the house to me while he was in prison didn't hesitate to throw me out of the house, but you took me in even at my guiltiest looking moment. You took care of me every step of the way, Ilgaz. After all that you've done for me, I couldn't live with myself if you gave up your profession because of a situation that got myself into. You love that office, Ilgaz, don't deny it.'

'I do,' he nods.

'Then why not go back? It's only this one thing that I'm asking you for.'

'Don't you understand that I care about you more than an office?'

'You've proven it to me and to everyone,' she dismissively shrugs at his silly question. 'Listen to me, I will never be happy knowing what you gave up for me. I'm not trying to make you feel guilty, or manipulate you into going back, it's just the truth. For the first time in my life, someone demonstrated my worth to them, and sometimes, I still can't fully believe it. You stood by me when I looked guilty, you supported me when I wouldn't defend myself, and you showed me how valuable I am to you when you could've walked away. I spent my time in prison with all of my hope in you. I have never felt so accepted in my life before. I always wanted to deny that you cared about me, because it would make it easier to walk away, but you've never stopped showing me from the first day. You showed me something that I wasn't used to, and if I repay you with taking away your job, I don't have any right to accept your love.'

Following her words, he silently looks at her, possibly thinking about what she just said. Although not her intention, who knows, maybe the threat of rejecting his love is responsible for his silent consideration.

Really, she can't put it into words just how much he saved her. She was ready to give up. She felt guilty for introducing her sister to Engin, which led to her murder. She didn't feel worthy of getting out of prison, neither was she hopeful that her family would get her out. If not for his existence, she would still be hopeless and blaming herself for her sister's death. There was a lot going on inside of her that he saved her from, like deep thoughts and wounds that never showed but were still there. How selfish would she be to trample over his career when he's done all that for her?

'At least just submit an application, please,' she tries one last time, 'and then we'll see how it goes from there. If they don't accept it, we'll appeal. It's only important that you take the first step.'

Still, he doesn't immediately answer her, but rather continues to study her for a while. Second by second goes by with him just looking at her until at last, he nods, accepting her offer.

'Okay, I will put in an application tomorrow.'

Oh, thank God.

'Really?' she smiles, but she doesn't think that her smile reflects her true relief – it's too vast.

'Really,' he smiles back, reaching out to pull her head to him and kiss her forehead. 'I don't want you to feel responsible for the things that I do.'

'Thank you,' she expresses, prompting him to kiss the side of her head and remain there for a little while, allowing them to digest their current respective feelings.

'But...' he pulls back from her after a moment. 'While my application is being considered, we will still need to work on your case. We need to prove to Pars that you didn't kill Engin. Hopefully, we will be able to find the one who did, and if my application is approved, we will find you the right lawyer.'

The right lawyer, right.

Unsurprisingly, her first instinct is to not tell him. She would honestly rather just let him believe that they will eventually find her a lawyer, but at least for this, she needs to be honest. Until he's in the prosecutor's office again, she'll need to be open with him. She owes him that and so much more, so she'll tell him.

'I already have a lawyer.'

Pulling a face, he wants to know, 'How? When did you find this person? Who is it?'

The how, well... He's going to explode. He's not at all going to like what she tells him.

'I spoke to him, but he didn't agree yet,' she chooses to say for now.

The longer that she can keep the truth from him, the better, because he won't like the answer, and she definitely will not be spared a long lecture. To help her escape the question some more, she suddenly gets onto her feet.

'Ceylin!' he reproaches, apparently seeing right through her and joining her on his feet. 'Tell me, who is this person?'

'He didn't agree yet, Ilgaz.'

'Ceylin.'

Uff, ya! That authoritative tone again. Why is he still asking her if his tone says that he won't like what he might hear?

'Yekta,' quickly bursts out of her – she might as well bet it out at once.

'Yekta? Yekta Tilmen?' he mildly rages, stepping directly into her. 'Are you out of your mind, Ceylin? The man has been on a campaign to paint you a murderer and ruin everything in your life since the beginning. Did you forget all that he did to your family? He tried to frame your brother-in-law to protect Engin. Why is he your choice?'

And where is your sense, is what she's really hearing. She was thinking only about him, if he must know.

'Engin is his son, of course he'll try and protect him,' she tries to reason, shrugging about it. 'I'm a witness to their relationship, but he's still a father. He wouldn't just throw his son away.'

'Yes,' he vigorously nods. 'That just means that he won't agree to defend you.'

'I know Yekta, he'll agree,' she confidently assures him. 'It's only a matter of bargaining with him.'

'Oh?' he lets out a small laugh, but clearly not amused. 'You've just decided to bargain with everyone, haven't you?'

'It has to be Yekta, trust me.'

That doesn't make her argument any better, if anything it's only proving the point that he's trying to make, but she can't do anything else. For him to return to his office, she will need a lawyer that she can work with, someone who knows what they are doing and will not let her be accused of something that she did not do. That someone is only Yekta.

Ilgaz doesn't answer her at first, he instead gently guides her to sit down with him again, where he leans close enough to her.

'Okay, let's say that he does agree to be your lawyer,' he starts, using his hands to speak. 'Think about it, Ceylin, he will only do it for his own interest. In the end, he will turn out to be like Engin and create more traps and problems for you. You can't trust Yekta, Ceylin – he is erratic and unstable. He is constantly helping to start fires. He is a menace, and I won't allow you to go to him for protection.'

It doesn't matter what he allows, 'It has to be Yekta to work on my case,' she begs just so she doesn't sound demanding. 'Trust me, Ilgaz.'

'You're making a mistake,' he persists.

At this point, the only thing left to do is hope that he will hear her last attempt. For that to work, she takes his hands into hers, shifts so that their knees are touching and then looks him right in the eyes, for him to see into the deepest of her soul for this.

'You trusted that I didn't kill Engin when it clearly looked like I did,' she reminds him. 'I wasn't even sure about it myself, but you knew me enough to trust that I didn't. I know what Yekta is like, I know what he can do, and even though we both don't trust him, you need to trust that I won't do anything that will separate us again. I don't want to lose you either,' she confesses. 'I won't be careless around Yekta, I promise. I know what he is like. I know that he can turn every small thing into an opportunity. I've learned from Engin, and I won't go through something like that again.'

'There's no telling what Yekta will do to you,' he shakes his head, still unable to see her point. 'I will lose my mind if I lose you because of Yekta.'

'You won't lose me,' she tries to console him. 'Ah-ah, Ilgaz, why are you afraid of losing me? Don't you know that besides you, I have no one else? I mean, there's Eren, but he has a daughter now. He doesn't count. Even if I leave, I always come back to you. You know that.'

'Ceylin.'

'Okay,' she turns serious, 'I promise that I will tell you everything. I won't hide anything from you, but it has to be Yekta who defends me. It's important to me.'

'But why him? What's your goal with all of this?'

Everything on his face says that he wants to understand everything to the last detail, and lucky for him, she's not going to hide any single thing for now, neither should it be a secret.

'You are, my dear prosecutor,' she playfully smiles at him. 'Nothing will make me happier than seeing you in your office again. And what will get you back in the office? My freedom,' she points to herself. 'I also really want to be free, Ilgaz. I want to clear my name and breathe properly without someone accusing me of being a killer. After that, I want to gain a reputation through Yekta's firm, and then bam, just like that, I'll go back to my own office again.'

'Wait a minute,' he frowns as something seems to fall into place for him, 'you'll work for Yekta? Is that what you bargained your freedom with? '

'I will work with him,' she corrects. 'He's been offering for years.'

'I don't like it.'

'And I don't like your father treating me like he does,' she quickly replies to match his direction. 'I bet he thinks about Neva and prefers her for you. She never would've gotten you into this kind of trouble. She never would've made you leave your office. Neva's another one who's given me her opinion, by the way – I didn't like it.'

'Fine,' he sighs, 'you have made your point. Leave my father and Neva for now. It doesn't matter what they say, I am with you until the end.'

'Then you also leave Yekta for now,' she suggests. 'I need him as much as I want you to be a prosecutor again. But if you don't like it, I can always go back to my mother.'

Absolutely not, she's not crazy, she will not go back to her father's house tonight. Yes or yes, whether they end up seeing eye to eye or not, she will sleep with him tonight. What she's saying is just a formality for her bargaining.

'Don't go,' he utterly caves, adding a disappointed, 'I don't know how you always talk me to your way of things.'

Ha! Is he joking? On a normal day, she hardly manages to convince him properly at all. Though he does come to see things from her side, it's always within conditions.

'I'm a lawyer, my dear husband, that's why,' she says, lifting her hand to pinch and wiggle his cheek with her thumb and forefinger. 'And you love me.'

After saying that, she laughs mostly to lighten the mood and relieve them a little bit before getting up.

'Tomorrow is the ceremony,' he tells her, nonetheless, also standing up. 'I requested a favour from an old professor, who helped speed the process up for me. I will receive my rights in the morning anyway, I cannot skip that. After that, I will put in my application and then we will talk about Yekta. Deal?'

'Okay,' she nods despite not wanting him to be a lawyer.

'You will be there with me?' he asks, which makes her wonder if he somehow understands her thoughts.

'I don't want you to be a lawyer,' she blurts out. 'It's not who you are.'

First touching her arm, he then explains, 'Whether I'm that or not, I still want you there by my side. Your support means everything to me. Will you be there, Ceylin? As my wife?'

For a moment, she just looks at him. It's a bit strange trying to reconcile the same man who wouldn't budge on her Çağdaş case, with this one. Is she responsible for this vulnerable man, who truly values such small things from her?

'Okay, okay,' she nods, quickly looking towards the kitchen and back at him to ask, 'Can we eat now? I'm hungry.'

'You rest, I will make dinner,' he offers, that way choosing to let the heavier topics go for now as a soft smile develops on his face.

'I will help you, otherwise it's not fair,' leaves her, when truly, her deepest wish is that he will really put in the application tomorrow.

Her heart will never be settled if he doesn't.

26Chapters

Only she would do this.

No one else in their right mind, and no one else less than three nights from prison, would be carefully moving away from their husband's comforting warmth, climbing out of bed in the quietest manner possible next, just as quietly tiptoeing out of the room, to then quickly grab her bag from the sitting room and hastily sneak out through the door. It's a thing that only Ceylin Erguvan Kaya would do, because only Ceylin Erguvan Kaya makes decisions like this.

'Ag, Ceylin, ag!' she quietly scolds herself, also tapping the back of her head against the door. 'Ceylin!'

It's not right what she's doing, she knows that, but she doesn't have another choice. She's only doing it because she's forced to. Really, if it was up to her, she'd stay in bed next to him, and after that, she'd enjoy the feeling of having breakfast with him. It's only that life won't let her have that.

Oh, she hopes that she can make it, because if she doesn't…

He will obviously hate that she went behind his back, leaving before he was awake and able to discuss her plan with her first, but he'll just have to understand that she will do whatever it takes to save his relationship with his family.

Knowing herself the way that she does, also understanding his character as much as she's come to, she's sure that it's only a measured amount of time before she does something that will harm his life again. When that time comes, she at least needs to know that he will have his family standing with him and ready to fight for him. She would hate it if he experienced what her family did to her. Whatever could happen from this point onwards, she needs the assurance that he will be fine no matter what.

It's with that encouragement to herself that she corrects her posture and quickly but quietly starts to make her way down the stairs, going out into the world to confront life like she's always done.