"Aang...!" a shocked Katara gasped, beginning to scramble away from him.
"Katara, calm down..." Aang said gently, holding up his hands, "It's okay."
"I'm-I'm sorry. Y-y-you j-just... I just..." Katara trailed off, trying to wipe the tears from her eyes.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Aang asked, his voice filled with concern.
Katara paused at his words, but refused to meet his gaze, not wanting him to see her shame. At last, she turned so that she sat facing away from him, and hugged her knees against her chest.
"...I'm fine..." she said, not sounding very convincing.
Aang sighed deeply, "Katara, please. I know your hurting, and I want to help. But I can't do that if you won't talk to me. I'm really worried about you. You haven't been yourself. I've heard you at night; you're barely sleeping, and you've been avoiding the whole group ever since we got here. You don't want to talk about that?"
"I-I just... I don't..." Katara started to say, but again trailed off.
Getting to his feet, Aang walked over to Katara, and knelt down before her. Reaching out with his hand, he gently lifted her chin up until she met his gaze.
"You're not alone." he said intently, "You don't have to deal with this by yourself. Please Katara, let me help..."
At last, Katara gave in and burst into tears as she threw her arms around Aang in a tight embrace, which he tenderly returned as she cried into his shoulder.
"That's it; just let it come. It's all right." he whispered, gently rubbing her back.
Aang held Katara closely for a couple of minutes, trying to comfort her even as he let her cry.
"Oh, Aang...!" sobbed Katara, "I'm sorry for the way I acted the other day! You know, when I... When I left to find Yon Rha..."
"It's okay." Aang assured.
"No, it's not okay..." Katara pulled away from him, "When that happened, it was like I wasn't myself anymore. I was something else. I did things I never imagined myself even capable of doing. I said horrible things to you and Sokka. I tried to steal Appa. I... I..."
"Katara, it's okay..." insisted Aang.
"I bloodbended somebody, Aang!" Katara confessed.
Aang blinked in shock, "What?"
Katara told him about her and Zuko's assault on the Southern Raiders frigate. And about how she'd lost control of herself when they'd reached the bridge and she saw the man she'd mistook for her mother's killer.
"I... I don't know what happened..." Katara tearfully lamented, "I just saw who I thought was the man who killed my mother and it's like everything just went black. I never thought I could be capable of losing control so completely. I swore to myself that I would never bloodbend again. That I would never do what Hama wanted me to do. But I did. And what if I'd killed that man before I realized that he wasn't who I thought he was? I would've been a murderer, just like Yon Rha..."
Aang listened intently as she tried to explain herself, again reminded of Katara's words about seeing him enter the Avatar state.
"Aang, you said that revenge was like a two-headed rat-viper." continued Katara, "That while you watch your enemy go down, you're being poisoned yourself. You were right. Even when I finally did have Yon Rha's life in my hands, I still didn't feel any better than I had the day my mother died, and I almost lost myself in the process..."
"I understand what you're going through, Katara..." Aang said solemnly, "I almost lost myself to. Remember, back in the desert..."
Katara looked up, for she did remember what had happened in the desert.
Ashamed, Aang lowered his gaze, "When the sandbenders took Appa away, I was so angry that I couldn't control myself. I lashed out at Toph. At all of you. I left you all in the middle of nowhere to try and find Appa. Then, when we ran into the sandbenders, I almost killed them all. And the worst part is that I... I... I actually took a life!"
"What?" Katara stared at him.
"When we were fighting the buzzard wasps..." Aang sadly explained, "One of them tried to fly off with Momo, and I was so enraged at the thought of losing another friend that I... I used my airbending to cut it in half..."
For a moment, Katara seemed shocked, but then said, "But... But it was a buzzard wasp, it wasn't a..."
"A life is a life, Katara." insisted Aang, "The monks always taught me that ALL life is sacred. Even the life of the tiniest spider-fly caught in its own web. And in that moment of weakness, I went against everything they ever taught me."
"Aang..." Katara breathed.
Aang went on, "That's the real reason I suppressed my feelings afterwards. It wasn't just that I was afraid to hope, I was afraid of myself. I was afraid that if I let myself feel for Appa or anybody else I cared about, I would lose control of myself again. But then, you helped me realize that I was just running away from my feelings, and that wasn't the answer. And it's not the answer now, Katara. It's time to stop running, and start healing..."
Katara blinked back tears, "I don't know if I can..."
"You can, Katara. In fact, you've already begun." Aang assured her, "You don't need to ask me to forgive you, because I already have."
"After everything you've lost...", Katara gave Aang a sad smile, "After everything you've been through, how could I have ever said that you didn't understand how I felt?"
"It's okay, Katara." Aang reiterated, "I know that you spoke from a dark place, and that you didn't mean what you said."
Katara looked at him sadly, "And what about Sokka?"
At this, Aang paused; finally, he let out a heavy sigh, "Sokka hasn't been himself since you returned either. He won't admit it, but I can tell he's really hurt."
"It's all my fault..." Katara said bitterly, "I don't know what to do..."
"Make things right." Aang answered.
Katara let out what sounded like half a chuckle and half a sob, "How? I don't know if I can face him."
"Start by doing the hardest thing: forgive yourself." Aang advised, "Are you sorry for what you said?"
"I've never been more sorry for anything in my life." replied Katara.
"Then you need to tell him." Aang encouraged, "I believe in you, Katara. You're a good person, one of the best I've ever met. You'll find a way to put things right. I know it."
The sun was just beginning to rise when Sokka awoke the next morning. Trying to shake the last cobwebs of sleep from his head, he slowly got to his feet and almost mechanically began to make his way to the front door for some fresh air. But as he stepped outside, he froze dead in his tracks when he saw Katara look up at him from where she sat on the steps.
For a long moment, neither sibling spoke. They'd both been dreading this moment ever since Katara had returned, and had tried to avoid one another whenever possible. But deep down, they both knew that they just couldn't keep putting this off forever.
Ultimately, it was Sokka who spoke first...
"You look terrible." he said, taking note of the dark circles under her eyes as well as her matted hair.
Katara shrugged, "I've been up for hours..."
Waiting for you... her brother suspected that she was leaving unsaid.
"What do you want, Katara?" Sokka asked, even though he already knew.
Katara hesitated at his words, her crystal blue eyes flooding with fear and regret.
"I... I just want to talk." she said at last, lowering her gaze, "Please..."
Ultimately, after his own brief moment of hesitation, Sokka offered her his hand to help pull her to her feet.
"All right." he said simply.
The Water Tribe siblings made their way down to the beach where the two of them could be alone for a little while. Sitting down by the water's edge, Katara pulled her knees up to her chest, and wrapped her arms around them as Sokka sat cross-legged next to her.
Taking a deep breath, Katara found herself unable to meet her brother's gaze as she finally began to pour her heart out to him.
"Sokka, I... I'm not sure how to say this..." she said, her voice already breaking, "But I want you to know that I am so sorry. I am so sorry and ashamed for what I said to you before. You know, about not loving mom like I did... Everything just came to a head so fast..."
Tears filled Katara's eyes, and despite her best efforts, they began to stream down her cheeks.
"When... When Zuko offered me the chance to find our mother's killer, I just... Remembering what he did to mom and knowing that he was still out there... It brought back all of that old pain, and I just couldn't take it anymore. I was just so enraged that I... I took it out on you and Aang... I said and did things that I... I never thought that..."
Katara trailed off, unable to continue as her throat choked up, and she began to break down into deep sobs. Sokka immediately put his arm around his little sister's shoulder and pulled her into a protective embrace.
The truth was that even though her words had deeply wounded him, and even though he'd done his best to keep himself busy these past few days, Sokka had known that his sister was hurting. Like Aang, he hadn't failed to notice how uncharacteristically quiet and distant Katara was being, and how she'd made no effort to try to talk either of them about her actions. A few times, Sokka had been tempted to try and approach her himself, but ultimately, he just hadn't been ready to face her yet.
But now, holding his sister close, with his tunic growing damp from her tears, all Sokka knew was how much she needed him, and how much he needed her.
"Shhh, it's all right, Katara..." he said gently.
"All right?" Katara repeated between sobs, "Is that all you can say?"
"I admit it. It did really hurt when you said that to me..." Sokka allowed, "But I know how close you were to mom, and I understand how hard it was for you to lose her."
"It was hard for you to..." Katara gasped out.
"Yeah..." Sokka nodded sadly, "I just dealt with it differently than you. After mom died and dad left, I guess I just bottled up most of what I felt. I was the oldest, and dad told me to keep you safe. I never wanted to weigh you down with my problems."
Katara sniffed, "I know."
"The truth is..." continued Sokka, "For a long time, I also wished that one day I'd get the chance to avenge our mom. But eventually, I realized that it wouldn't bring her back. And then, we met Jet and Hama, and I saw what wanting revenge had done to them. That was when I decided that, if that was revenge, then I didn't want it."
Breaking the embrace, Katara tearfully looked up at her brother, "You were right. Aang was right. Killing Yon Rha would've solved nothing. I know that now. All I would've done was destroyed a part of myself. The part of myself that you, and mom loved."
"But it wasn't just that, Katara." Sokka added.
"What do you mean?" asked Katara.
Sokka sighed, "Yon Rha took so much from us, caused us so much pain, and I couldn't stand the thought that he might... take you, too."
Katara stared at him.
"I've never told you this before, but..." Sokka blinked back tears of his own, "After we lost mom, our family was a mess. It was the hardest time of my life. I never would've gotten through it if it wasn't for you. You stepped up and took on so much responsibility; you filled the void that was left by our mom. It really seems like my whole life, you've always been the one looking out for me. And now, when I try to remember mom, your face is the only one I can picture. I guess what I'm trying to say, is that you're more than just my sister, Katara. You're the only mother I have left."
"Sokka..." Katara breathed.
Sokka suddenly looked away, ashamed, "Maybe you were right, Katara. What kind of son can't even remember what his own mother looked like? Maybe you DID love her more than me."
"No, Sokka! Please don't say that!" Katara pleaded, tears flooding from her eyes, "I never should've said that to you. NEVER. Maybe it's not that you can't remember, maybe it's just that you're blocking the memory out because it's too painful for you to remember."
"Maybe..." said Sokka somewhat doubtfully.
"I KNOW you loved mom, Sokka." Katara insisted, "And I know you have a big heart. Master Piandao said so himself, remember?"
"You're right; I guess he did..." admitted Sokka.
"I'm so sorry, Sokka..." Katara said again, "How could I have ever said such a horrible thing to you? Knowing the way you felt?"
"But you didn't know how I felt." Sokka reasoned.
"That's just it, Sokka..." confessed Katara, "I DID. I... I heard what you said to Toph."
"What?" Sokka blinked in surprise.
Katara lowered her gaze in shame, "I was taking a bath under the ledge where the two of you were sitting, and I heard everything. That you were afraid that you couldn't remember mom. That I was your mother-figure. Everything. So, I knew exactly what I was saying when I accused you of not living mom enough. I KNEW that it would hurt you, and I said it anyway. Honestly, I don't know why you would EVER forgive me..."
Again, Katara trailed off, unable to continue, and covered her face with her hands, crying softly. But then, Katara was shocked when Sokka suddenly reached out to take her hands in his, and gently pulled them away from her eyes.
"It's easy to forgive someone when you love them." her brother said with a slight, but reassuring smile.
For a long moment, Katara could only stare at him. At last, she did the only thing she could and threw her arms around her brother, hugging him with all her might. Returning the hug, Sokka held his little sister close, letting their love for one another heal the rift that had formed between them.
"I forgive you, Katara. And I always will." Sokka said, "You're my little sister, and I love you."
"I love you too, Sokka. You're the greatest brother I ever could've asked for." Katara replied.
Finally, the siblings ended their loving embrace and stood up as Katara wiped the few lingering tears from her eyes.
"I know that you can remember mom, Sokka." she insisted, "Please, let me help you remember her. It's the least I can do."
Sokka looked as though he were about to weep from happiness, "I'd like that very much, Katara. It's... It's so good have you back."
For a few moments, the Water Tribe siblings just stood there, sister to brother, looking deep into one another's eyes, until finally, Katara sensed that someone was watching them. Turning to look, she saw Aang standing a few yards away, smiling warmly at the touching scene playing out before him.
Giving the airbender an inviting look, Katara and Sokka wordlessly gestured for their friend to join them in a three-way hug, to which Aang was more than happy, for the Avatar knew that all was well and everything was right.
And it was in that moment as Katara stood there in her brother and friends' arms that she knew that her nightmares had finally come to an end.
THE END