The Girl Who Shouted I At The Heart Of The World

by A.F. Oliver

Few get a second chance at living, let alone two or three. Rei Ayanami never knew what to do with the lives she had until it was too late. Getting another chance at living could mean a world of difference. After all, life is an ever changing thing and even the smallest of changes can reverberate across the world.

65. A Moment When Tension Breaks

Chapter 65 – A Moment When Tension Breaks

It was late and night and Ryouji Kaji sat beside Fujita in their rental car, his pistol in his hand, staring intently at the entrance to the apartment building they were parked on the street beside just outside Vatican City in Rome. Under different circumstances he would have appreciated the beauty of the architecture and the history that it gave life to, but he was in no mood to take in the sights. Besides, he wasn't on some tourist trip to see the Sistine Chapel. He was here to capture or kill one of the higher ranking members of a genocidal death cult, and now that he had the chance, the latter option was the most enticing of the two. To think that he was finally here after all the years of digging up the truth and trying to put a reason to why his brother and friends had died senselessly. The urge to cut loose and enact revenge was a very, very tempting proposition...

"It's crazy that we're finally here..." Fujita mused softly. "It seems like yesterday we were bribing print store owners to copy documents off the books or forging government key cards."

"Regardless, we're here now," Kaji replied. "The roads that led to this moment matter little."

"Still..." Fujita muttered. "It's kinda wild that Nagumo signed off on this so quickly..."

Convincing the head of his agency to sign off on it wasn't easy as the information he'd sent up the chain had a strong chance of being unreliable or outdated. Despite that, Nagumo had eventually cleared it once he'd pointed out that if it was reliable and they could capture Kolinski that it could lead directly to Keel, something Naguma and he himself weren't willing to pass up. "Indeed," he replied. "But time is something we've never had a surplus of."

Fujita chuckled. "Yeah, you got a point," he returned. "So are we doing this or what?"

Kaji reached into his jacket and pulled out a suppressor, threading it onto the barrel of his gun. No matter what happened, this was the kind of shit he lived for. He'd given most of his life for this moment, to hunt down the bastards who'd taken his brother and friends... "Yes," he replied curtly as he stuffed his gun back inside his jacket. "Let's go."

"Don't have to tell me twice," Fujita stated quietly, racking the slide of his pistol and stuffing it inside his own jacket. "Let's rock and roll..."

The two men stepped out of the car and made a beeline to the door of the apartment complex. The building was old, very old, possibly dating back to the renaissance but Kaji wasn't the most knowledgeable about architecture. No matter what, it made his lip curl, the fact that even with the world hunting them, SEELE still found it necessary to hide in such extravagant dwellings. He was going to enjoy putting a bullet in this man in it came to it...

The two of them stepped up to the old wooden double doors and pressed inside the building. The lights in in the entryway were still on but the stairs just behind them were rather dimly lit. Kaji took the lead, walking slightly ahead of Fujita as they pressed in and up the staircase just inside the building. Slowly the two of them began to ascend the stairs, stepping as quietly as they could. He paid close attention to every ambient sound and every breath he took, his senses tuned to seek out any possible threat as he made his ascent.

When the two of them reached the third floor hallway Kaji drew his pistol and gestured for Fujita to do the same. Quickly now they closed the distance to the apartment that most likely held their target. He stood guard while Fujita picked the lock. When Fujita finished what he was doing he slowly turned the knob, setting the door ajar before taking up a combat stance. Kaji watched as his comrade glanced over at him and issued a curt nod of his head. He immediately knew what to do. Kaji took point and burst through the door.

Inside he found a very surprised looking man holding an AK74SU. Instantly Kaji leveled his pistol at the man before he could react and executed a flawless Mozambique drill, dropping him to the floor. As he moved to check the body and see if it was their target he heard a door beside him fly open and the suppressed reports of Fujita's gun. He turned just in time to see another armed man collapsing to the ground in a bloody heap.

"Looks like we're in the right place..." Fujita quipped.

Kaji paid his comrade's joke no mind and moved in the direction of where the second man had come. It was a dimly lit bedroom and beside the bed was their target, one Matyas Kolinski, SEELE 13, cowering with his head in his hands. Kaji leveled his pistol at the frail looking man, his lips contorting into a snarl. "Get up," he snapped. "Hands where I can see them."

His target slowly rose, putting his hands in the air, and he could finally get a good look at him. To think that this feeble, sniveling old man was partly to blame for all the misery that had befallen the world. "D- don't shoot..." Kolinski choked out nervously.

Kaji ground his teeth together. To think that this man was partly responsible for his brother's death... "Give me one good reason not to..." he hissed, the fact that he'd spoken perfect Japanese barely even registering.

"I- I'll cooperate," Kolinski stammered. "I- I- I'll tell you everything about what the plan was."

Kaji's anger was rising by the second. He took a step closer, grabbed the man by the front of his shirt, and struck him in the face with the butt of his pistol, causing him to fall to the ground with a whimper. "I already know what your plan was," he spat. "The whole world knows your plans."

It was then that Fujita entered the room. "We gotta wrap this up quick," he said softly. "Someone probably heard the shots."

"Please!" Kolinski cried as got up on his knees, his hands outstretched. "I'll give you anything you want! I have money! Connections!"

This pathetic pleading made him see red. Kaji leveled his pistol at his enemy's knee and fired, causing the old man to fall on his side and scream in agony, his hands clasped over the wound.

"Hey!" Fujita hissed. "What did I say about making noise! Besides, we need him alive!"

Kaji paid him no mind. He was too furious and too focused to give his words any attention. Instead he lunged forward with a snarl, yanking Kolinski up to his knees and shoving the muzzle of his pistol into the man's mouth. "I only want one thing," he snarled, staring into the man's wide, fearful eyes. "Lorenz Keel. Understand?"

He watched intently as Kolinski gave a silent, minute nod of his head.

Kaji pulled his pistol out of the man's mouth and rested the muzzle against the knee he'd just shot. "Tell me where he his," he hissed.

Kolinski looked at him with a pleading expression. "I don't know where he is!" he croaked out. "No one knows where he is, no one but number 02! That's all I know!"

"Where is number 02!?" Kaji snapped, pressing the the muzzle into the wound. "Tell me!"

"Moscow! He's in Moscow! I'm certain!" Kolinski yelped doubling over. "Please! Give me something for the pain!"

"Ryuji!" Fujita hissed. "Someone probably heard all the shooting! We need to go!"

Kaji finally heeded his comrade's advice. He pulled out a zip tie from inside his jacket and moved around to stand behind Kolinski, yanking him to his feet as he did before tying his hands behind his back. After that he turned to Fujita and extended a hand. "The hood," he snapped. "Give it here."

Fujita reached into his coat, pulled out a small black bag and threw it to him. "Don't have to tell me twice," he responded with a somewhat nervous expression.

"Please!" Kolinski cried. "Please don't kill me!"

Kaji caught the bag and shoved it over the man's head. "You keep quiet," he hissed. "As much as I'd like to do it, it's not my job to kill you."

"Come on!" Fujita hissed. "Get him moving! We gotta get out of here!"

Kaji shoved their prisoner toward the door, holding his gun to the back of his head, his hand holding him tightly by the back of his neck, causing him to yelp. "Move!" he snarled, pushing his pistol into the man's head roughly. After that, Kolinski complied, hobbling in the direction he guided him.

The three men began making their way down the stairwell leading to the entrance of the apartment building, Fujita leading the way, himself in the rear, and Kolinski being forced along in the middle. Each step they took caused Kolinski to emit a yelp of pain, much to Kaji's frustration. He probably shouldn't have shot him in the leg...

"Can't you shut him up?" Fujita snapped over his shoulder. "You're going to draw attention!"

Kaji brought his arm around the old man and clamped his hand over his mouth over the black hood. "Will this suffice?" he spat back.

"Yeah, fine," Fujita huffed. "You shouldn't have shot him. We're leaving a trail and if he bleeds out we've got nothing. Did you think of that?"

Kaji grit his teeth. He hated to admit it but he was right. He'd been playing things a bit too fast and loose. No matter how much he wanted to take revenge that shouldn't get in the way of the job at hand. He'd been reckless and he knew it... "I hate that you're right..." he muttered.

Fujita was about to say something when a door on a floor they were passing opened, revealing a wide eyed woman in a nightgown staring at them in shock. Instantly Fujita whipped around and pointed his pistol at her. "Get back inside!" he barked.

The woman screamed and slammed the door instantly.

Fujita whirled around. "You stupid bastard!" he hissed. "This mission has officially gone tits up because you were fucking reckless! I knew I shouldn't have trusted you with this, you fucking idiot!"

Kaji knew he was right, it was his fault, and now they were going to have a hell of a time with their egress. He wasted no time in grabbing the old man and throwing him over his shoulders like a sack of rice. "Move!" he barked. "Get the fucking car started!"

Fujita bolted down the stairs and Kaji followed him as fast as he could. By the time he reached their car Fujita was already at the wheel with it started and ready to go. Kaji opened the trunk and shoved their hostage inside before bolting to the passenger side door. As he did, he could hear police sirens in the distance getting closer. "Drive!" he shouted as soon as he shut the door behind him, not even bothering to fasten his seat belt.

"Don't threaten me with a good time!" Fujita shot back as he gunned the engine, squealing the tires and shooting them off of the curb.

Kaji found himself pressed into his seat momentarily and as the force of acceleration let up he swiveled his head around to look out the rear window of the sedan as they rounded a corner. Faintly in the distance he could see the reflection of flashing of police lights in the direction they'd come. How on earth did the Italian police have such a fast response time? "Shit..." he grumbled. "Looks like we have a tail..."

"Just sit tight," Fujita snapped back as he whipped the car around another corner. "I'll lose em."

Kaji continued staring out the rear window. In the distance he could see a patrol car chasing them. "You'd better," he replied. "If they catch us then this becomes an international incident."

"And who's fault is that?" Fujita hissed, making another turn onto a smaller side street. "We could have gotten out of there a lot quicker if you hadn't shot the asshole!"

Kaji knew he was right. This was partly his fault. "Just fucking drive!" he snapped back.

Fujita made another turn and Kaji realized they were now on a very, very narrow street. As they neared a small alleyway between two buildings. He was thrown forward when his comrade slammed on the brakes and threw the car into reverse. Swiftly Fujita backed it into the alleyway far enough inside that it was well hidden from the street they'd been traveling before shutting off the engine and killing the lights. Kaji counted the seconds as the two men waited, listening to the sounds of sirens getting closer and closer. A pair of police interceptors whizzed by right in front of them and zoomed away. Only when the sirens grew quiet in the far distance did Fujita speak up. "Looks like we're in the clear..." he muttered quietly.

"Yeah... looks like it..." Kaji murmured in response.

Fujita pulled out his cell phone and dialed a number before putting it to his ear. "This is Fujita. Things nearly went tango uniform but we've apprehended the target. We'll rendezvous with the extraction team shortly," he stated into the receiver before hanging up and turning to to face him with a sigh. "Kaji, buddy, what's gotten into you man?"

Kaji grimaced and stared down at his knees. "All of this is starting to get to me..." he muttered bitterly. "Getting this close to the people that set me down this path is... it's hard to control myself."

Fujita shook his head and grabbed the pack of cigarettes the two of them had been keeping in the central console, pulling out two and handing him one. Kaji accepted it. "I get it," Fujita replied as he lit his cigarette. "But you need to stay focused. It's not like my life has been any easier because of these cocksuckers you know..."

Kaji lit his own smoke and took a deep, relaxing drag. At least the Japanese government would be paying for the cleaning fees on the rental car, not him... "I know," he replied. "I got carried away. I won't let it happen again."

Fujita scoffed. "You say that after you nearly got your brains blown out in Prague and then you nearly screwed us here," he huffed. "How can I trust you that you'll keep it together?"

Kaji scowled. "I suppose I've given you reason to doubt me..." he muttered in reply.

"Damn right you have," Fujita grumbled. "Seriously, back there you were getting pretty vicious, let alone unprofessional. Besides, I thought I was supposed to be the loose cannon between the two of us..."

"Yeah..." Kaji replied, staring out the windshield into that narrow gap ahead of them. "You're right..."

There was a pause. Fujita took a pull off his cigarette before he spoke again. "I gotta ask... do you have some kind of death wish?" he inquired softly.

"No," Kaji replied bitterly.

"Then what is it?" Fujita pressed.

Kaji grit his teeth, the memory of seeing his brother's body soaked in blood flashing before his mind's eye. "Revenge..." he bit out quietly. "And the fact that I can't understand why anyone could do the things they did..."

Fujita breathed a heavy sigh. "Look, man, I get it," he replied glumly. "We figured out what was going on and now you want to figure out the why. I don't know what you lost in Second Impact but I get that you want to strike back at these guys. Still, you're going to get us both killed if you let it get to your head..."

Kaji nodded in agreement. "You're right..." he muttered in response.

"Besides, don't you want to get back to that woman of yours?" Fujita continued. "I mean, yeah, she thinks you're dead, but if you really did kick the bucket and she finds out you were alive this whole time she'd never forgive you..."

Kaji's stomach did a flip as he registered those words. Shit... he really did have a point. With everything they'd been focused on, with how tuned in to the mission he'd been, that was something he'd pushed out of his mind. It really put things into perspective... "You're right..." he sighed, taking a puff of cigarette smoke and letting it out. "This is bigger than my own petty desires..."

Fujita chuckled. "Don't ever say I never give good advice," he quipped.

Kaji's lips curved upward. No matter what, Fujita would always be true to himself. It was a quality he somewhat envied... not that he would ever admit that. "You have your moments," he replied.

Fujita took another puff off his cigarette. "Tell you what..." he spoke out quietly, extending a hand. "Promise me you'll keep your shit together from now on... and if we pull the mission to grab Keel, whatever the hell you do, I'll look the other way. Deal?"

Hearing those terms brought a smile to his face. At the end of this road he'd been traveling was Keel, it had always been Keel. If there was anyone alive who deserved his wrath it was that old bastard. He supposed that he could, as Fujita so eloquently put it, could keep his shit together until the day they faced that man. At the same time, he resolved that he was going to do everything in his power to ensure that he would be on the kill team when time came... "Deal," Kaji replied, reaching out and shaking his comrade's hand. "And I'll hold you to that."

Fujita chuckled and started the engine of the car. "I'd expect nothing less from the likes of you," he replied. "Now just sit back and relax. We gotta get to the airport before this shitbag in the trunk bleeds out."

Kaji leaned back in his seat and took a puff of his cigarette as Fujita pulled the car back onto the street. As they headed on their way he flicked his half finished smoke out the window and took in the sights of the old buildings all around them. His smile began to fade. No matter what happened there was still a long road ahead, or at least it seemed so. Hopefully Kolinski wouldn't bleed out. If he did then they were royally screwed...

---

Rei's eyes fluttered open and her eyes focused on the ceiling above her head. At first she was puzzled, wondering why she was in Asuka's room, but then she remembered the events of the previous day and a huge grin worked its way across her lips. This wasn't a dream even if it felt like one. This was her home now. She'd moved in with Misato and Shinji the previous day... and that knowledge filled her with such an exhilarating feeling of joy.

Slowly she lifted herself up from the futon she'd set for herself on the floor of the room and headed toward the door, sliding it open as soon she reached it. Instantly the smell of miso soup and rice filled her nose. "Rei?" a voice called from down the hall. "Are you awake?"

She recognized the voice as Misato's and a nervous frown replacing her smile. This was definitely not a dream if she was the one cooking breakfast. "I'm awake..." she called back softly.

"Breakfast is almost ready," Misato stated from the kitchen.

Indeed, this was certainly not a dream... "Coming now," Rei replied as she headed down the hall.

When she reached the kitchen she found Misato stirring a small pot on the stove and holding a cup of coffee in her other hand. Her new guardian smiled at her warmly. "How did you sleep?" she asked.

Rei took a seat at the kitchen table, her nervous gaze fixed on the pot of soup. "I slept well," she replied. The soup smelled okay but her memories of Misato's cooking horrors were strong. She could only hope she hadn't found a way to ruin it.

Misato let out a snickering laugh. "Don't worry, it's instant stuff and I followed the directions to the letter," she stated softly.

Rei's eyes went wide. Had she said something without realizing it? "I- I never said anything about the soup," she stammered.

Misato gave her a knowing look before turning back to the stove and turning off the burner. "I know that look though," she replied. "It's the same look Shinji gives me every time I cook something."

Rei shifted in her seat nervously, looking down at the tabletop surface. Though it was a relief that Misato understood that she wasn't a good cook and could make jokes about it she still felt a bit guilty. The fact that she was even living in a place where waking up to a hot meal already made was a blessing that she shouldn't make light of. "I'm sorry," she replied. "I don't want to seem ungrateful..."

Misato let out another laugh, this one far warmer, that teasing quality missing from it. "Don't worry," she returned warmly. "I'm used to it from Shinji and Asuka both."

Rei was about to formulate a response when the sound of door sliding open filled her ears followed by slow trudging footsteps. "Well look who's up..." Misato stated with a chuckle before calling out. "Morning, Shinji!"

Rei turned her head and watched a he entered the kitchen, still rubbing sleep from his eyes. "Morning, Misato-san," he mumbled groggily as he sat down beside her. He let out a yawn, covering his mouth as he did, before looking at her with a smile. "Morning, Rei."

That smile of his was contagious... "Good morning, Shinji," Rei replied warmly, a grin of her own taking shape. Yes... despite the soup she was about to eat being made by Misato, this was a good morning. Nervously she took a sip of the miso soup. It was a little too salty but it wasn't terrible...

"Did you sleep alright?" Shinji asked.

Rei nodded, her smile growing. "I did," she replied. Indeed, staying in Asuka's room was far more comfortable that her old apartment ever was...

He grinned back. "I'm glad," he returned warmly.

Misato placed a bowl of soup and plate of white rice before both of them. She then took her seat at the opposite side of the kitchen table. As she did she placed her elbow atop it and placed her chin in her palm, a catlike smirk working its way across her face. "You look like you didn't..." she spoke up, her eyes fixed on Shinji.

Shinji slurped up a spoonful of soup and gave a weak nod of his head as a swallowed it. "I went to sleep a little late," he replied quietly.

"Hmm..." Misato uttered, her smirk widening. "Perchance did Rei keep you from getting any sleep?"

Rei felt fire in her cheeks and looked down at the tabletop, understanding exactly what Misato was implying, unable to formulate a response. The the accusation inserted images in her mind, ones that were both thrilling, profoundly embarrassing, and a little bit saddening. They were only friends after all... only platonic friends despite her desire for more...

Shinji proceeded to choke on his next mouthful of soup, causing him to cough and sputter momentarily. "No! Nothing like that!" he exclaimed. "I stayed up late watching TV, that's all!"

Rei finally found her voice. "Sh- Shinji and I aren't like that..." she managed to stammered out just above a whisper.

Misato let out a guffaw. "Oh Shinji, you're just too easy to tease..." she mused with a smirk.

Shinji breathed a heavy sigh and scowled. "You'd think you'd have grown up a bit after everything..." he huffed in annoyance.

Misato visibly tensed and Rei found herself choking back a giggle at that comment, her embarrassment washing away and replaced with amusement with Shinji's wit. Misato definitely deserved such an assessment... "Hey!" their guardian whined. "That's not fair!"

"It wasn't supposed to be," Shinji countered flatly.

Rei let out a little laugh. "Is breakfast usually this eventful?" she asked quietly.

Shinji sighed yet again and shook his head. "I wish it wasn't, but yes, it often is..." he muttered, taking a bite of his rice and swallowing it. "You'll get used to it though."

"I see..." Rei replied, glancing over at Misato. "I suppose I'll have to arm myself with witty retorts as you do."

Misato huffed and rolled her eyes. "Fine, fine," she returned with a sigh of her own. "I'll lay off on the teasing. What do you two have planned for today? Anything?"

"I was thinking I'd go to NERV today," Shinji stated in response.

"Any reason why?" Misato asked.

"A few reasons," Shinji replied, a look of contemplation taking shape on his face as he looked down into his bowl of miso. "I thought I'd see Touji and Asuka among other things..."

Rei regarded him with a look of concern and curiosity. "Would you like me to come with you?" she asked.

Shinji looked over at her with a sympathetic but remorseful expression. "I'm sorry, Rei, but I was hoping to go alone today..." he responded regretfully.

Rei's heart sank and she looked down at the table at the platter of food before her, a deep frown taking shape on her lips. Why did he want to go alone? Had she done something to upset him? Had she pushed her luck too far by daring to lean against him the previous night? "Oh..." she murmured softly. "Okay..."

Shinji reached out his hand and clasped hers within it, giving it a gentle squeeze. "It's nothing against you," he stated warmly. "I just... need to talk about some things alone, that's all."

The feeling of warmth that his touch elicited in her heart reassured her greatly, assuring her that things were still stable between the two of them. Besides, Shinji was his own person. She had no right to be possessive of him... and she really had no desire to go back to headquarters after spending so much time in that horrid hospital wing. "I understand..." she replied softly, a ghost of a smile on her lips.

"Aww..." Misato cooed, her voice full of teasing mirth. "You two are just too cute, you know that?"

Shinji withdrew his hand and crossed his arms across his chest, shooting Misato an angry glare. "Do you have to make everything so uncomfortable?" he huffed in indignation.

"The both of you make it too easy," Misato replied with a smirk.

Rei's eyes narrowed slightly. She was starting to tire of her new guardian's antics. "Perhaps Shinji has a point about your level of maturity," she stated quietly but firmly.

Misato looked at her with surprise and Shinji put his fist to his mouth as he started to snicker uncontrollably. After a moment Misato composed herself. "I'm mature enough to hold the position of Vice Commander," she responded flatly. "And unfortunately my duties are unending in that regard, speaking of which, I should probably start getting ready to leave. You should too Shinji, if you intend to ride with me."

Shinji ceased his chuckling and resumed consuming his breakfast. "Sounds good," he replied after a few bites. "By the way, do you know what Commander Fuyutsuki has on his agenda today?"

"I'm sure he's as busy as the rest of us over there helping to oversee the cleanup and reconstruction," Misato replied between bites of rice. "Why?"

Rei glanced over at Shinji. She too was curious as to why he'd inquired into such matters. Shinji simply shrugged his shoulders. "No reason," he responded, eating another spoonful of soup afterwards.

Rei's lips curved downward, sensing that his words were a white lie. It was obvious that he wanted to see him about something but what? As curious as she was to find out she didn't want to pry into it. "Alright, keep your secrets," Misato replied, standing up from the table having finished her meal, and turned to exit the kitchen. "Make sure to get dressed and ready in half an hour."

"Sounds good," Shinji returned.

Misato made her exit and silence fell between the two of them. After a moment Shinji turned to her. "Are you gonna be okay staying here alone?" he asked with an expression of concern.

Rei looked down at her meal, her frown deepening. "It's not optimal," she admitted quietly. "But I'll be okay. After spending as long as I did in the hospital I have no desire to go back anytime soon."

Shinji's lips twitched upward even as his brow furrowed. "I can understand that," he replied. "I know that probably wasn't easy. By the way, how is your back?"

His mention of her injury brought renewed awareness to her scars, how they still ached and twinged slightly when she moved. They certainly were less painful than they were a week ago but they still stung, as did the memory of how she'd received them. "It's manageable," she replied, forcing a smile. "Ritsuko-san says I'm healing well. The stitches will come out in a few days."

"I'm glad that it wasn't more serious," Shinji returned warmly, reaching out and clasping her hand gently. Then his eyes drifted downward and a pained, distant expression made its way across his face. "We were lucky to survive... I can still hear the shells..."

Rei bit her lip. Perhaps it was a twisted stroke of luck that she'd been rendered unconscious in the opening salvo that day. Shinji had to live with the memory of hell raining down all around him, she didn't. "It's over now," she replied, giving his hand a squeeze. "Everything is going to be fine."

Shinji's lips curved upwards but his eyes still held that distant quality within them. "I know you're right," he returned quietly. "But still... I'm sorry you suffered as you did... and I know it's partly my fault."

Rei felt her cheeks warming upon hearing that statement of concern even as her lips curved further downward. It might have bit a little bit true but she didn't want him carrying such a profound guilt. He didn't deserve carry that weight. She was just as responsible as he was for how things turned out. "You need not feel regret," she replied. "I was... also responsible for how things unfolded."

Shinji gave her hand yet another squeeze. "Regardless..." he murmured in reply. "I'm glad you're getting better..."

The fire in her cheeks intensified and she had to look away from him. "I'm glad you are as well..." she responded quietly. "No matter what, things will continue improving..."

Shinji chortled softly, wryly. "Yeah..." he murmured quietly. "I suppose you have a point..."

Before she could respond, Rei heard the sound of Misato's bedroom door sliding open followed by footsteps. Shinji let go of her hand and Rei looked up just as their guardian returned to the kitchen. "Shinji, shouldn't you be getting ready?" she asked, planting her hands on her hips.

Shinji sighed and stood from the table. "Yes ma'am..." he responded quietly before heading out of the kitchen, presumably to change his clothes.

Rei watched him go, a little saddened that she couldn't have retained the feeling of his hand in hers for just a little longer, before turning her focus back to finishing her breakfast. Misato moved across the kitchen to the coffee pot and poured herself a cup. She leaned against the counter beside the sink. "It really is strange just how quickly things are getting back to normal..." she muttered before taking a sip from her cup.

"It is," Rei stated quietly. "But it's welcome."

Misato let out a quiet laugh. "That it is," she agreed before sipping down more of her coffee.

A few moments passed and then Shinji reentered the kitchen, this time wearing his school uniform. For the first time Rei found that somewhat perplexing. She wondered if he had as limited a selection of clothing as she had. It would make sense considering she rarely saw him wearing anything else. "I'm ready to go," he stated.

Misato took one more gulp from her coffee and set it down beside the sink. "Alright then, let's go," she responded. "See you later Rei."

Rei turned to Shinji and he issued her a warm smile. "See you later Rei," he said before moving past her and heading for the hallway.

Rei issued a smile and gave a respectful nod of her head. "See you later," she responded. Even if she wished they weren't leaving, it was reassuring to know that eventually they would be back, that there was no longer some sort of world ending threat which could bar their way.

Shinji and Misato left the kitchen for the hallway and moments later she could hear the sound of the mechanical door at the entrance to the apartment opening and then shutting. Silence fell around her as she finished her breakfast. Upon finishing her meal she stood from the table and gathered up the dishes, placing them in the sink. After that she made her way to the living room at sat down before the television.

She turned the device on and began scrolling through the channels with the remote. Everything on the screen seemed to bore her after a few minutes of observation. How was she going to endure the hours of solitude without Misato or Shinji to keep her company?

Just as she managed to land of a channel displaying cartoons, amazingly enough playing repeat episodes of One Piece, she heard a soft squawking sound coming from behind her. She turned around to find Misato's pet penguin standing in the entrance to the living room, staring at her keenly.

"Would you like to watch television with me?" she asked the bird, doubting that he could understand her. After all, he was just a bird...

To her surprise, Penpen, if she remembered his name correctly, issued a quiet squawk and waddled over to where she sat. He moved around her and plopped down in her lap, nuzzling his beak into her chest as he did.

Rei smiled and turned her attention back to the television, bringing her arms around the fluffy bird. She gave his head a little scratch and the penguin nuzzled further into her, rubbing his head against her gently. At least she had some form of company for the day...

---

Asuka trudged through the halls of the medical ward, her hands balled at her sides as she left the psychological evaluation she'd just endured. She was frustrated, frustrated by the absolute audacity of the medical system. Those stupid headshrinkers in the damned hospital finally seemed to understand that she wouldn't harm herself or others again but the still deigned to declare that she still wasn't fit to be released. If she wasn't a threat to herself of others then why the hell was she being kept in this stupid place? She could only assume that it was because they still had faith that the sight in her right eye would return but it was still frustrating, especially since she knew that such a miracle would never happen...

"Come on, push!" a voice sounded from a room nearby, causing her to stop in her tracks. "You've got this!"

"Dammit, I'm trying, doc!" another voice protested. "Take it easy on me, huh?"

Asuka recognized the second voice and halted her step. She turned her head to the side and glanced in on the room beside her, taking sight of the people within it. She looked in through the window slit and saw Touji trying his best to walk without crutches and some doctor she'd never seen before walking beside him. It was clear that they were performing some kind of physical therapy.

The sight was striking to say the least. No... it was actually a bit inspiring she had to admit. It also stirred a whole slew of conflicting thoughts. He was putting everything he had into his recovery and she'd just been wallowing in her malaise. Though she still didn't agree that it was some easy task to just get over thing she really should be trying harder. Seeing him giving his all just to do something as simple as walking unassisted really put into perspective her own injuries too.

Part of her wanted to push the door open and observe further. Part of her wanted to take just a moment to ask him how he found the motivation he had to keep getting better... but she knew better than to interrupt. She shook her head and kept on moving down the hall, resolving to seek him out and speak with him once he was finished with his exercises.

As she walked away she began to recall in detail the events of the previous day, playing them over in her mind. She still couldn't believe that she'd allowed him to hold her like that... but she'd needed that kind of support in that moment. Just thinking about it, it... it filled her with a lot of mixed emotions. On the one hand she wished she hadn't relished in it but another part of her was genuinely thankful for it... and another part of her kinda wished it would happen again.

She cringed as that thought came to mind, balling her fists at her side and halting her march back to her room. How could she be even thinking about such a thing? Not only was Touji a total meathead at his core it felt disrespectful to Kaworu to even think about that sort of thing. It churned her stomach... but the memory was making her heart beat faster. Why? Why was that happening? Was she really that desperate for someone to hold her?

"How disgusting..." she muttered to herself as she stalked off down the hall.

Even then, with those words fresh in her mouth as she continued back to her room, she couldn't stop herself from ruminating on the matter. She wondered what Kaworu would think of her if she did move on. Would he be upset? Would he be happy for her? Part of her wished that she didn't care since he'd lied to her the entire time he'd known her but... she still had loved him right? Shouldn't she be hung up on him? Shouldn't she be immune to the temptations of the heart if she really was in love before? At the same time... if Kaworu had loved her wouldn't he want her to be happy with or without him?

She reached her room and paused at the door. Goddammit... why was everything so complicated? As much as she resented the idea, maybe she should talk with those stupid headshrinkers about how she was feeling. That idea sickened her but who else could she really talk to? Then again... if she wanted to get out of this place then she'd have to come to terms with them at them meant talking to them about Kaworu, something she'd refused to do up until now. She hated how trapped that made her feel but that was the only path forward...

"Why is everything so fucking difficult?" she huffed as she entered her room and threw herself atop her bed...

---

Ritsuko sat atop the command deck in the operations room, sipping her coffee with a smile on her lips. Tokita was taking to the Magi operation system like a fish to water and that made her job much easier. She still had a lot of design work to go on the yet to be built S2 reactor core but she could rest easy that she would have reliable help, or at least help with a near unlimited supply of money. With that smug bastard becoming versed in the Magi's programming at the very least she could focus only on the design of the future prototype, whatever that would ultimately end up being.

"Senpai?" a voice called out to her.

She turned her head to find Maya standing with a stack of folders in her hands. Ritsuko breathed a heavy sigh upon seeing that stack but forced a smile right afterwards. "What is it, Maya?" she asked.

"Nothing much," her assistant replied, stepping up and placing the folders down on the console beside her. "This is just another print of data the Magi produced regarding our new task of producing an S2 core for power generation purposes. I figured you'd want to take a look at it."

Ritsuko took a sip of her coffee and scowled, hanging her head. Probably it would be just another confirmation that their current task was pointless but she'd look it over regardless. That was her job after all... "I'll get through it soon," she replied. "Thanks for bringing it to my attention."

Maya stood firm, looking down at her with a strange expression. "You're welcome, senpai," she replied. "May I... may I ask a favor of you?"

Ritsuko gave a respectful nod of her head. "Of course, Maya," she replied warmly.

Maya straightened her back and regarded her with a stern expression. "I would like to request some time off, if that's possible," she replied firmly.

Ritsuko regarded her with a look of surprise as she took in her subordinate's request. From the look in her eye she could tell that she was dealing with a lot, that the battle against the JSSDF had taken quite a toll on her. It was a feeling she sympathized with. Who would she be if she denied her best assistant and confidant some time to process things? She honestly wished she could do the same... "Of course," she replied with a smile. "Of course you can take some time off. When do you think you'll be back?"

"I don't know..." Maya replied, glancing down at the floor. "Sometime after I can get my head around everything that's happened... is that okay?"

Those words genuinely tugged at her heartstrings. They made it clear just how brutal the last few weeks had been on everyone else, that she wasn't alone in losing what she had. Sure, from what she knew, Maya hadn't lost someone she cared about in the same way she had but still.. something had affected her in much the same way. "Of course," she replied with a warm smile. "Take as much time as you need."

Maya's lips curved upward and her brow knitted up momentarily as she issued a respectful bow. "Thank you, senpai," she replied in a sincere tone of voice before turning on her heel and exiting the bridge.

Ritsuko watched her go, a somber smile on her face. She could sense from her sober expression that Maya genuinely needed a break but she also understood that without her that her own job would be that much more difficult. She could only hope that Maya would get her head back in gear in a reasonable time frame. That would certainly help her in her current task, one that was nearly impossible...

"You look stressed, Ritsuko," a voice called out to her. "Are you okay?"

Ritsuko turned her head to find Misato standing there with cup of coffee in her hand, regarding her with a concerned expression. She breathed a heavy sigh and looked back at the console before her. "I'm as okay as I can be," she replied. "There's a lot of work to be done and Maya, understandably, is taking some time off, leaving me with Tokita as my only assistant."

"Ouch," Misato returned. "I can imagine that's a difficult spot to be in. The man isn't the brightest, is he?"

"Oh no," Ritsuko responded quietly. "The man is actually brilliant, but... I don't know. I find it hard to trust someone who hasn't been in this business the way the rest of us have."

There was a pause before Misato spoke again. "He's brilliant, is he?" she drawled in a teasing voice. "Moving on a bit soon?"

Ritsuko turned around and faced her smirking friend with a glare. "I should smack you for insinuating such a vulgar thing," she hissed. "It was a mere statement of fact. He is demonstrably a brilliant man. Regardless, he's still an asshole and, more importantly, a businessman first instead of a scientist."

Misato's smirk evaporated. "Sorry, I can't help myself sometimes," she replied. "And yeah, I can understand the worry you have. You're worried that his influence will cause corners to be cut and return on investment to take precedence, huh?"

"Yes," Ritsuko replied, glancing down at her knees with a scowl. "That is exactly what I worry about."

Misato crossed her arms. "Have you talked with him about it?" she asked.

"No, of course not," Ritsuko scoffed. "He'd probably just be speaking lies anyway. All the man cares about it money and success."

"Are you certain of that?" Misato pressed quietly. "I mean, he did sign on to cooperate on a project which you yourself said has very little chance at success."

Ritsuko thought hard on those words, her frown taking on an edge of contemplation. She did have a point. Perhaps she really was thinking a bit too cynically about the man. He had signed on for this nearly impossible task and was rather enthusiastic and supportive of the idea that eventually they would make a breakthrough... "I suppose you have a point..." she replied.

Just as she said that the doors to the bridge opened and footsteps could be heard as a steady, fast clip. Ritsuko looked up to find Tokita dashing onto the bridge. "Dr. Akagi!" he panted as he came to a stop before her, an ecstatic grin on his face. "I've ran the simulation on the design we discussed yesterday. The Magi determines that it has a forty percent chance of functioning properly!"

Ritsuko regarded him with a raised brow. "You ran that hypothetical design we talked about through the Magi already?" she asked incredulously. "After only becoming familiar with the system today?"

"I did," he replied, finally catching his breath and standing tall. "Don't you think that's a good start?"

Ritsuko scowled at him. "A forty percent chance of success favorable odds do not make," she replied curtly. "Did you take statistics in university?"

Tokita smirked back at her. "I did," he replied. "And I also understand that risk is a necessary part of any scientific endeavor. Besides, didn't you help oversee operations with a far lower chance of success?"

Ritsuko's glare didn't abate. "That may be true, but the world depended on it," she replied flatly. "Now the only stakes are our respective careers. Is that something you're willing to bet you career on?"

"No," Tokita countered with a grin. "However, forty percent is a great place to refine the design. I'll leave that to you as the person most familiar with S2 technology."

Ritsuko watched as he turned on his heel and headed for the door with a befuddled expression on her face. It was truly surprising just the level of enthusiasm he had for their task, and how adept was already becoming with the systems that ran NERV. She still didn't trust him but she definitely respected him. However, underlying that respect was an element of frustration. As much as she was flattered with his confidence in her she didn't like the feeling that he was rushing her to find a solution to the problem she faced. She never appreciated being rushed in matters of scientific development... "Do you see what I'm dealing with?" she huffed, turning to face Misato once more.

Misato was still looking off in the direction Tokita had departed. "Yeah..." she replied. "He's driven... no wonder he got the Jet Alone thing working as quickly as he did."

"Indeed," Ritsuko returned. "And he's as overconfident as he ever was..."

Misato turned to her with a smile. "Well if he's working with you then I'd say he has a right to be confident," she replied. "No matter how rough things got during the war you never let us down."

Ritsuko smiled at the comment. Perhaps her oldest friend had a point. Perhaps Tokita's faith in her wasn't misplaced. "I appreciate your vote of confidence," she responded.

"Well, you seemed like you needed it," Misato replied. "Besides, you're going to be at this for a long time I'd imagine."

Ritsuko's smile evaporated. It was true. Even with that vote of confidence things were going to take a long, long time, time that she wished she could be spending in other ways. She needed a break... and she really wished she could be spending more time with Rei. "How did things go yesterday?" she asked quietly.

"I'd say that things went well enough," Misato returned. "You know Rei, she's quiet and doesn't bring the same level of chaos that Asuka does."

"I can see that," Ritsuko replied, trying to hide the notes of jealousy in her words. The more she thought about it the more she wished she could have been the one to take her in.

There was a pause. "Still..." Misato spoke out with a chortle. "I worry that one of these days I've gonna catch those two under the sheets in one of their rooms."

Ritsuko's eyes widened and she flinched, looking up to regard her friend with an expression of shock. The insinuation filled her with anxiety. She knew that Rei held feelings for Shinji but she also knew the girl most likely knew nothing about the risks of an intimate relationship. She made a mental note to educate her on such matters at the soonest possible juncture. Still... part of her didn't want to believe that it was something at risk at all. She brought her hand up and pinched the bridge of her nose. "I don't think that's as big a risk as you're making it out to be," she responded after taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly.

"I know, Rei and Shinji are both good kids but... still..." Misato replied. "I don't want them to get hurt, you know?"

Ritsuko's expression softened and she smiled. "That's very mature of you," she replied with a playful jab. "Quite a jump from how you were in college."

Misato shrugged. "Well, we all gotta grow up sometime," she returned softly, her gaze drifting away and a small frown slipping over her features. "It just took this war for me to do so I guess..."

---

"Your moves are far more considered than before," Fuyutsuki spoke warmly as he eyed the shogi board between them. "You're getting better, but you're playing too cautiously for your own good, Ikari."

Shinji studied the board sitting atop the obsidian colored desk that separated them. As it seemed with every time they played, Fuyutsuki was seeing through his strategy and countering his moves as if he could read his mind. He watched as the old man moved a tile and sighed. One of his silver generals was in danger... he should have seen that coming. He supposed that a loss was a forgone conclusion considering his opponents experience... but he hadn't come here to win at shogi. "I'm simply working with the strategies I know," he replied, making a countering move.

"As are we all in life," Fuyutsuki spoke as he instantly moved another tile and opened up a line of attack. "Is that why you came to play again today?"

Shinji looked up from the board and met the old man's knowing gaze and breathed a heavy sigh. Either he was seriously transparent or the old man was just really good at reading him. "Yeah..." he replied, looking down at the board. "I have something on my mind that I'd like your advice on, professor..."

"Do tell," Fuyutsuki responded, making another move and allowing him to proceed.

Shinji moved his hand to make his next move but hesitated, unsure of what to move to make or what to say regarding his situation. He pulled his hand away and slumped in his seat. "So... Rei is living with Misato and I now..." he muttered in reply.

"Yes, I approved the measure," Fuyutsuki returned. "Does this development trouble you?"

Shinji bit his lip. "I, uh... I..." he fumbled with her words. He just couldn't say it...

There was a pause that hung heavy in the air before Fuyutsuki spoke again. "Ah..." Fuyutsuki replied, a little laugh escaping his lips. "I see... so that's how it is?"

Shinji tensed. "What's that supposed to mean?" he responded reflexively.

Fuyutsuki laughed softly yet again. "From what I understand, the two of you have always been close," he replied. "Perhaps you desire to become even closer?"

Shinji scowled and folded his arms across his chest. Was there anything that the old man didn't know? "It's... complicated," he replied.

"Matters of the heart are seldom simple," Fuyutsuki responded. "What exactly makes the situation complicated for you?"

Shinji's brow knit up. This was a far more frustrating conversation that he thought it would end up being. "I don't know, everything?" he replied, finding the courage to meet the old man's gaze once more. "After all we've been through, all the secrets, and all the hurt, it's just... hard."

Fuyutsuki linked his fingers together and leaned back in his chair. "Are you referring to her origins?" he asked before going on and stating things further. "I understand that might be a bid unnerving in a Freudian sense. However, the genetic link, minimal as it was, no longer exists after whatever she underwent during the course of events we witnessed on the day of the battle."

Shinji looked down at his knees. This was very true, and for a time that very thing had bothered him, but he'd accepted it and it hadn't changed his feelings for her even before the events of the battle. No... what really bothered him was the other secrets she'd kept from him and his reaction to them. "It's... more nuanced than that," he replied.

"Then what is it?" Fuyutsuki asked.

It was such a simple question but such a loaded answer. Shinji wasn't sure how he could possibly explain that Rei had known about Nagisa and his origins, nor was he comfortable speaking about it due to the trouble it might still cause... but he had to say something. "I... the two of us had a falling out just before the battle," he replied. It was a half truth but a truth regardless. "I said some very hurtful things to her..."

Fuyutsuki's lips curved downward ever so slightly. "I see..." he responded quietly. "Have you spoken with her about this?"

Shinji's brow furrowed and he breathed a heavy sigh, unsure of how to continue. "I did, and things are... good between us now, but... I just... the memory of that weighs heavy," he replied after a brief pause.

"Ah, I see..." Fuyutsuki returned. "You feel guilty for hurting her and you're afraid you'll do so again, yes?"

"Yes..." Shinji replied. He made it sound so simple but it felt so much more complex than that... "I'm worried about that..."

Fuyutsuki leaned forward, resting his elbows on the surface of the desk, a somber smile taking shape on his lips. "You're young, Shinji. Squabbles between lovers will always happen, no matter how old one gets. It's as human as anything else," he responded. After that, his expression turned somber. "Regardless, holding one's tongue regarding one's feelings will only fill one with regret. I can tell you that from experience just how painful such inaction can be. If you truly care for her, you'll tell her how you feel, lest you lose her in the long run..."

Shinji let those words sink in. It seemed so simple at yet so complex all at once. He supposed the old man was right but at the same time he still held doubts. "Is it really that simple?" he inquired in response.

"In essence," Fuyutsuki stated. "But I know it doesn't feel that way."

Shinji's scowl deepened. Such a conclusion seemed reductive even if he knew it was the right thing to do deep down. "I just... I don't want to hurt her again," he replied. "I've never been good with people. Every time I end up getting close to someone I just end up hurting them or getting hurt myself. Can you understand?"

Fuyutsuki's lips curved upwards. "I know this might upset you, but when you speak like that you sound like your father," he returned.

That comment made him flinch. Instantly he flashed back to the words he'd heard in his father's tapes, remembering all the things his father had warned him not to do... "I suppose you're right..." he replied quietly.

There was a pause before Fuyutsuki continued. "Well then... I suppose the choice of what to do comes down to what sort of pain is preferable; the pain you know will arise from inaction, or the pain that may come from action," he returned. "In matters like these there are no third options... and besides, if the feelings are mutual, all you're doing is stringing her along."

Shinji closed his eyes and took a deep breath, flashing back to that tearful confession Rei issued him the day before the battle. It wasn't that long ago but after everything it seemed like a lifetime ago. Fuyutsuki was right, his inaction was only stringing her along, setting them both up for hurt in the long run. Still... even so the fear was paralyzing. Sure, it would cause a lingering emotional pain if he said nothing, but that was easier than if he confessed, they started dating, and it only fell apart later. Then again, why was he even thinking about that? Such an outcome to a relationship between them wasn't guaranteed, just as Fuyutsuki said... should he really let that potentiality stand in the way? His lips curved upwards. It really was as simple as the old man made it out to be...

"I hope that I was able to help put things into perspective for you, Ikari," Fuyutsuki replied.

Shinji opened his eyes and returned to studying the shogi board, searching for an opening that he could exploit. Sure enough, he noticed a gap in the old man's defensive strategy. It was risky but it opened up lines of offense that might still lead to a victory in their little game. "You certainly have, professor," he replied, his smile widening.

Fuyutsuki grinned back. "So have you made a decision?" he inquired warmly.

Shinji reached out and made his move on the board. He watched as Fuyutsuki's eyes widened at the daring play. "Yes," he replied. "I know what to do... when the opportunity presents itself."

---

Maya stood in the break room nearest the bridge, heaving a heavy sigh as she finished mixing in the cream and sugar to her coffee. Telling Ritsuko-senpai that she needed some time off was one of the hardest things she'd ever had to do but deep down she knew it was the right thing to do. She needed it. She needed a break for her mental well being and if she didn't prioritize that then no one else would...

"You look pretty relaxed," a voice called from the entrance to the room. "Did you tell her what you were thinking of?"

Maya turned around to find Aoba leaning against the doorway with folded arms, regarding her with a somber but genuine smile. She nodded her head and grinned back. "Yeah..." she replied. "I told her I needed some time off."

Aoba's grin widened. "Good for you," he replied, his tone genuine and warm. "If anyone deserves some respite after the shit we went through it's you."

Maya smiled back. He could be an asshole, sure, but deep down he really was a good person... "Thanks," she replied. "That means a lot..."

Aoba scoffed and smirked. "Don't thank me," he returned. "I had nothing to do with you standing up for your own well being. You should be thanking yourself, right?"

Maya felt her cheeks reddening at that flattery. It was rare that someone ever spoke such praise of her. "Still... I'm grateful for the sentiment," she replied, looking down into her coffee cup.

A pause hung in the room before Aoba spoke again. When he did, his voice came out quiet, soft, unlike the candid way he normally spoke. "So... now that you have some free time..." he vocalized quietly. "I want to ask you something..."

Maya looked up from her coffee and regarded with curiosity. What was it that he could be asking of her? "What is it?" she inquired.

Aoba glanced downward and shuffled his feet. "I uh... I'm playing an open mic night for the engineers that are working to rebuild this city tonight," he replied softly. "It's an acoustic gig and... I was wondering if... maybe... maybe you'd like to come along?"

Maya smiled and her heart skipped a beat. It was obvious what he was really asking of her. Sure, she usually fancied girls but she'd dated a boy in high school. He was a good guy and she had to admit he was kind of handsome so... maybe she could see where things went, right? "That sounds like a pleasant evening," she replied.

Aoba seemed to relax upon hearing her response. "Good..." he replied, regarding her with a lopsided grin. "I don't know if I could show my face around here if you didn't agree..."

Maya smirked. "I thought you were asking me to an open mic, not a date," she retorted playfully.

Aoba shrugged and regarded her with a sheepish grin. "Well... do you want it to be a date?" he asked.

Maya hesitated, averting her gaze. "Well... do you?" she asked softly.

Another hushed silence fell between the two of them before Aoba... Shigeru spoke again, running his hand through his hair with a sigh. "Look, whether it is or it isn't, that's up to you," he replied, glancing away. "I just thought you might enjoy the music and it'd be nice to have a friendly face in the crowd for once..."

Ordinarily Maya would have thought he was just being his usual cavalier and boorish self but, especially after their moment in the break room a few days prior she knew he was trying to guard his pride. Perhaps the reason he was always so distant and cynical was to keep himself from getting hurt. In that context, his behavior right now was actually kinda cute. Her lips curved upwards. "Shall I meet you at the venue or will you pick me up?" she asked.

Shigeru reached up and scratched the back of his neck, his eyes still glancing away from her. "I suppose I could meet you at your place..." he responded quietly, nervously even. "It's on the way to where I'm headed anyway... see you around six?"

Maya nodded. "Yeah," she replied. "That sounds lovely."

He finally met her gaze and smiled that lopsided grin he sometimes wore. "Alright, see you then," he replied.

"See you then," Maya affirmed.

Shigeru turned on his heel and left, leaving her alone in the break room. Her smile lingered as she tilted her head down and stared into her coffee cup. Maybe she was making a bigger deal out of what she'd just agreed to than she should have. Maybe he really was just asking for a friendly face to be at his gig but then again maybe not. Regardless, it got her thinking about just how much she'd put her own happiness on hold ever since she'd joined NERV.

She'd spent years being Ritsuko-senpai's assistant, doing everything she could to stand by her and occasionally impress her. In that time she'd crushed on her at times but known deep down it would always remain a schoolgirl's crush. Still, she admired the doctor, and wanted to be like her, so she'd given everything she had towards that end. In the wake of the battle, and having looked death in the face, she'd realized just how empty her existence truly was. She'd put the happiness of everyone else in her life before her own and she'd realized life was too short to keep doing that. She wanted a chance to really be herself, whomever that person was anymore, and find her own happiness and love.

Whether tonight was going to be just a nice evening enjoying some music with a friend or something more, Maya was going to enjoy herself, and that was the most important thing...

---

Touji lay atop his hospital bed, his forearm resting over his face. He was tired and sore. The physical therapy session of the day had been exhausting and frustrating in equal measure. These sessions always seemed to take an hour longer than could be comfortably endured. The only thing he could console himself with was the fact that his strength and muscle tone was slowly but surely returning to him. For that he was rather thankful... but damn did the exercises he was made to do tire him out.

"Hey Touji," a voice called from the doorway. "You look tired."

He brought his arm away from his face and turned his head toward the door to regard the party who'd come to visit him with a friendly grin. "Oh hey, Shinji," he greeted him, sitting up as he did. "I am tired. What brings you around, huh?"

Shinji stepped into the room and sat down on the chair beside the bed. "I just figured I'd come in and see how you're doing," he replied.

"Well, as you can see, I'm exhausted," Touji responded flatly. "These damn therapy sessions are kicking the hell out of me."

Shinji emitted a soft chuckle. "I can only imagine," he replied. "It could always be worse though."

Touji snickered and smirked. It was very true... "Yeah, you could be speaking to my tombstone right now," he returned wryly.

Shinji visibly cringed and his smile died away, his eyes taking on a distant, hollow look. "Yeah... that's true..." he muttered in response.

Touji's brow furrowed. Seeing his friend's reaction to his attempt at black comedy instantly filled him with remorse for having made the comment. "Too soon?" he asked.

"Maybe a little bit," Shinji replied, regarding him with a weak smile.

Touji sighed. "Sorry," he returned. "I can't help but joke sometimes. You understand, right?"

"I get it," Shinji replied. "Sometimes you gotta joke about things to keep it from getting to you, right?"

"Yeah, pretty much," Touji stated in response. "So, anything new with you?"

Shinji shrugged. "Not much," he replied. "Things are slowly but surely getting back to normal. Soon enough the city will be rebuilt and it'll be just like the old days."

Touji scoffed. "Well, minus the giant Angel monsters," he returned with a laugh. "Crazy to think that such a thing actually started being normal, huh?"

Shinji laughed softly. "Yeah, you've got a point," he replied. "It is kinda crazy. Anything new with you?"

Touji instantly flashed back to the conversation that he'd had with Asuka in the hallway last night. Should he bring that up? "Not much," he responded. "I've been doing physical therapy every day and I've spoken to Asuka a few times."

Shinji slumped his shoulders, a contemplative expression washing over him. "Is she doing alright?" he asked.

Touji's brow raised at that comment. "You tell me?" he replied. "I mean, you know her way better than I do, right?"

Shinji shrugged his shoulders. "I suppose that's true," he responded. "But she's not a very open person, you know?"

Again, he flashed back to the conversation he'd had with the fiery redhead the previous evening, remembering how resistant she was to the very idea of comfort or compassion being expressed toward her. "Yeah, I can see that," he replied. "It's pretty obvious that she's hurting..."

"Yeah..." Shinji murmured. "We all are, in our own ways..."

There was a pause that hung heavy in the air after that. He didn't know what it was but something sparked him to change the subject. He supposed anything was better than ruminating on a random incident regarding a girl he barely knew. "So..." he spoke slowly, a playful grin taking shape on his lips. "How are you and Ayanami doing?"

"What do you mean?" Shinji asked, looking at him with a confused expression.

"Have you finally admitted to her how you feel?" Touji asked.

Shinji breathed a heavy sigh. "You were right back then, happy?" he huffed. "And no, I haven't."

Touji frowned, remembering what happened between him and Hikari and how Kensuke had stabbed him in the back... "In my experience it's better to tell her how you feel and live with it rather than hold back..." he replied.

Shinji frowned. "I know..." he replied. "I plan to... when the opportunity presents itself."

Touji folded his arms and smirked. "Good," he returned smugly. "You've finally grown half a pair."

Shinji glared at him. "You're a dick, you know that?" he huffed.

Touji's eyes widened in surprise. It was quite the development to see his friend stand up to him like that. "I stand corrected," he replied. "You've grown three quarters of a pair."

Shinji's harsh expression abated and he began to laugh, and laughter is an infectious thing. After a moment Touji himself couldn't resist a good chuckle.

---

Asuka stalked through the halls of the medical ward on her way to the headshrinker's office. After a considerable amount of time pacing around her room in argument with herself she'd finally decided to bite the bullet and speak with someone about the storm of conflicting and unpleasant thoughts raging in her mind. Unfortunately for her, at the present moment the only person she could talk to was the same stupid shrink who'd been continually denying her release from the damned hospital... just her luck.

Soon enough she found herself approaching the room the resident headshrinker occupied and she didn't hesitate to throw the door open. The person she'd come to see swiveled around in his chair as if he'd been expecting her and grinned. "Hello, Asuka," he spoke. "I thought we were finished for today?"

Instantly she scowled. She hated that smug grin that this particular shrink always seemed to sport. She hated his stupid tweed jacket and that dark blue polo shirt he always seemed to wear under it. It was like he reveled in his position as a psychologist, a line of employment that in her mind was just an excuse to be a smug, condescending asshole. To add to this, the man was originally American, so expecting him not to be a smug asshole was like expecting water not to be wet. Perhaps the idiots who ran NERV thought he was the best person to provide her therapy or whatever since he was white and she was only one fourth Japanese. If that was the case then it was kinda racist of them to boot... "Dr. Samson, I'd like to talk," Asuka huffed in response.

He gestured to the cushioned chair sitting beside his desk, that stupidly cheerful grin of his unchanging. "Please," he replied. "Have a seat."

Asuka did as instructed and folded her arms across her chest, turning her head away from him. Why was this so difficult? She'd come to him after all. Even now, why was it so hard to swallow her remaining sliver of her pride? Then again, maybe that was part of the problem...

She heard Dr. Samson clicking a pen. "So... what is it you'd like to talk about?" he inquired softly.

There was so much that was playing over and over in her mind, questions that needed answering, errant thoughts and regrets that stabbed at her. She didn't even know where to start. "I... I don't know..." she murmured in response.

Dr. Samson chuckled softly. "You don't know?" he countered. "Asuka, up until now you've been resistant to any discussion regarding your trauma and yet at this moment you've come to seek conversation with me. There must be a reason you've come here."

Asuka tensed. "I don't know," she hissed. "Everything, I guess..."

"Everything is a vague and all encompassing term," Dr. Samson replied. "Something must have triggered an emotional response. Did some event occur that caused a trauma response? Perhaps someone said something that caused you distress?"

Goddammit he was such an infuriating man, but then again, she supposed all head doctors were. He'd seen right through her. Asuka bit her lip, thinking of where to begin... "I uh... I had an interesting conversation with Touji yesterday..." she grumbled in response.

"What made the conversation interesting?" Dr. Samson pressed. "Did it make you feel happy or sad? Angry, or vulnerable?"

Asuka cringed, remembering how small and vulnerable she'd felt when Touji was holding her. Even thinking about the idea of voicing it made her feel vulnerable. She hated it... "I don't know..." she lied.

"It must have had some sort of significance for you to seek me out," the shrink countered, calling her on her bullshit.

Asuka shifted uncomfortably in the chair. Part of her wanted to get up and leave but that would probably only be used against her in tomorrow's scheduled session... "We uh... talked about how we're struggling with everything that happened, that's all..." she replied. It was a half truth. She didn't want to go into the embarrassing details.

"I see..." Dr. Samson stated softly before going on to levy another inquiry. "How did that make you feel?"

Asuka dug her fingers into her upper arms and grit her teeth. There really was no way around it. Sooner or later this jerk was going to pick and prod until she spilled out everything that she was dealing with. She'd known that from the first mandatory session that eventually this would happen despite her continued resistance... "A lot of ways..." she murmured in response.

"Try and voice them," Dr. Samson bade her.

Asuka brought her hands to the arms of the chair, gripping them tightly as she shifted and fidgeted in her seat. "I don't know, okay?" she replied softly. "It was kinda nice talking to someone about everything but I feel so... fucking conflicted. Like, sure, it's nice having someone who gets just how painful life can be. It's nice to see that someone kinda has it as bad or worse than me. I just... it pisses me off to even think that I'm opening up to him..."

"I see..." the doctor responded. "Did that make you feel vulnerable?"

Asuka sucked air through her teeth. "Stop asking me questions..." he hissed reflexively.

Samson took a deep breath and let it out. "Asuka, I know it's hard for you to confront your emotions but you must try," he stated quietly. "Your inability to positively or healthily handle emotion is what brought you here to begin with."

Asuka slammed her fists into the arms of the chair in which she sat. Forget talking about Touji, this fucking prick had touched a nerve. His comment reminded her of all the ways that she'd blundered, screwed up, and fell down... and that pissed her the hell off. "I know that!" she snarled, glaring at smug prick. "What? Are you going to tell me I'm a fucking failure too?"

"No," the doctor responded. "The only one here who's telling Asuka Soryu she's a failure is Asuka Soryu. That's the only person who ever has. The question is... why?"

Asuka squeezed her eyes shut and grimaced, her whole body shaking with impotent rage. This was a mistake coming here and speaking to this stupid shrink of all people... "I told you to stop asking me questions..." she hissed.

If her words had any effect on him he didn't show it. "Let's get to the root of things," he responded. "From our past sessions, it's clear that your childhood experience caused you to equate vulnerability with weakness. It's also clear that your sense of self rides on your accomplishments and your perception in the eyes of others. The loss of your mother may have made you feel a need to prove yourself and convinced you that your accomplishments are your only source of personal value but accomplishments are not the only thing that measure a person. Deep down you know that."

"What's that supposed to mean?" she spat, daring to glare at him.

He shrugged and smirked. "If that was the only thing you based your self worth on then you'd still be suicidal, yes?" he retorted. "You yourself have been adamant in affirming that condition is not the case any longer... unless you've been lying."

Her mouth fell open in surprise. There really was nothing that could slip past the bastard... "I haven't been lying..." she huffed as she looked away, casting her gaze to the floor.

There was a pause before Dr. Samson spoke again. "So the core issues you're struggling with center around your inability to be vulnerable around other people," he stated quietly. "Would that be a statement of fact?"

Asuka could feel a pesky stinging building up behind her eyes. "Yes..." she murmured softly.

There was another pause before Samson spoke again. "Please elaborate," he prodded.

Asuka gripped the arms of the chair in which she sat with a renewed ferocity. The emotion building in her, that had been building for days, couldn't be restrained any longer. "Because I'm afraid!" she exploded. "Because I'm fucking scared and afraid and I feel fucking guilty, okay!?"

Dr. Samson regarded her with a contemplative expression. "Guilt..." he responded. "Interesting... perhaps we're getting somewhere. So you feel guilty, but about what?" he asked.

Asuka shrunk in her chair, fidgeting uncontrollably. Why? Why did all of this have to be so goddamn difficult? "A lot of things..." she huffed.

Dr. Samson leaned forward, regarding her with a sympathetic expression. "I know it's difficult but please continue," he replied.

The stinging behind her eyes was getting worse with every passing second. "I just... I feel like I should have been better..." she hissed through her teeth at first but eventually it all started spilling out. "I feel like everything I ever did ended up being one big mistake... I feel like because of how I've treated people that I don't deserve happiness. I feel if I even try to move on and let go then I'll be losing myself, that I'll be disrespecting the person I wanted to love, my mother, and myself. I don't want to feel this way but it's so hard to let it all go! I know I need to but I just... can't!"

Dr. Samson linked his fingers together and his lips twitched upward slightly. "Do you realize what you just did?" he asked.

"What?" Asuka inquired, glaring at him through cloudy eyes.

"You just admitted that you need to let go," he responded flatly.

Asuka's breath caught in her throat. She wanted to throw it back at him somehow but deep down she knew he was right. She bowed her head. "I guess I did..." she murmured in reply.

"Considering what you've just told me, and in the context of what I've read from your file, I think that is the first step toward healing," the doctor continued. "I'm proud of you for admitting it."

Part of her wanted to lash out at him, to spit at him for expressing condescending praise... but deep down she knew it was a genuine sentiment. It was a strange feeling. She sat there breathing heavily, her fists balled against the armrests of the chair in which she sat, trying her best to not to break down, trying her best to keep from showing any more weakness. "I don't know how..." she murmured. "It seems impossible..."

"Why?" Dr. Samson inquired.

Asuka drew a deep breath, and another, and another... "I don't know..." she whimpered in defeat. "You're the shrink, shouldn't you be the one making suggestions?"

Dr. Samson chuckled in response. "I'm sorry, Asuka, but my job isn't to provide a solution, only to lead you to your own," he replied.

Asuka immediately tensed. Fucking psychologists and their pretentious bullshit... "That's not very helpful..." she spat in response.

"From a certain point of view," he countered. "Besides, coming to one's own conclusions about how to best heal is more rewarding, yes?"

Asuka's ire abated yet again. Considering she'd never been the best at following orders or following directions he did have a point... "Yeah..." she responded, glancing down at her knees. "I suppose you're right..."

Silence fell between the two of them. After a moment, Dr. Samson spoke again. "Well, I suppose we'll continue this tomorrow," he stated. "Unfortunately, I have another session scheduled. Regardless, I'm proud of you. You've taken a great first step toward where you need to be."

Asuka lifted her head and stared at him. "Does that mean I get to go home?" she asked, hopefully.

Dr. Samson frowned and shook his head. "No," he replied. "I'm sorry, but I don't feel comfortable releasing you until you've fully addressed the source of your pain. However, today you've made great progress. I can imagine that day will come sooner rather than later."

"Soon?" Asuka pressed nervously. "How soon? Like next week or next month?"

"That's up to you," he replied. "The ball is in your court, Asuka..."

Asuka let those words sink in and she hated the ramifications. She felt coerced into cooperating with him but if that meant she could finally go home and sleep in her own bed then that was just what she had to do. At the same time... she knew he had a point. "You fucking suck, you know that?" she huffed in annoyance.

"If you consider looking out for your well being as such, then fine," he replied with a shrug of his shoulders. "But I truly care, and I have your best interests at heart. I can promise you that."

Asuka breathed a defeated sigh. She supposed it was too much to expect this stupid prick to approve her discharge after one session. "Fine..." she huffed as she stood from her chair. "Whatever... see you tomorrow..."

She headed for the door but as she exited he called out to her. "I hope that when you arrive for our morning session tomorrow you're willing to dig deeper into the issues that weigh on you..." he stated quietly.

Asuka was well and truly done with this stupid conversation, even if she knew Samson had a point. Despite that, she hesitated at the door and gave a respectful nod of the head before stepping out into the hallway beyond.

She drifted through the halls, her mind swirling with thoughts. She couldn't believe that she'd spilled out all the things she had to that fucking bastard but she didn't quite regret it. No... part of her was grateful for it. He was right that she needed to let go, to let go of the trauma and the pain that her poor decisions and her excessive pride had caused her. She needed to let go of her love for the Angel who'd deceived her... but how? That was the question that remained to her...

What was the path forward? How could she manage to let go of all the pain that she found herself suffering under the weight of? It seemed impossible and yet... yet there was so much she could yet strive for. She didn't have to let Eva define her. She didn't have to let her lost love define her. She didn't have to let her desire to be seen be the be all end all of who she was... but coming to terms with that wasn't easy.

Soon enough she found herself nearing the room she'd called home since her fight with the Mass Production Eva series and as she did she found Shinji standing outside the doorway thereof. It was just her luck. Of course she couldn't even get a moment to herself to process things. She never seemed to have that luxury... "Oh hey, Asuka," he called out to her with a smile. "What's up? I was wondering where you'd gone off to."

Asuka breathed a heavy sigh. "Hey Shinji..." she replied, regarding him with a sober frown. "I needed to clear my head..."

His brow furrowed. "Oh, uh, alright," he returned. "Are you okay?"

She gave a weak nod of her head. "I think I will be..." she muttered in reply.

"That's good," he returned warmly. "Do you want to talk about anything or would you like me to leave you alone?"

The fact he was kind enough to ask made her smile. "Yeah... I think I'd like to be alone for a while..." she replied softly.

A pause hung heavy in the air between the two of them before Shinji spoke again. "Alright, I understand," he responded with a sympathetic smile. "Take care of yourself, okay?"

Asuka nodded her head once more. "I will..." she replied.

Shinji responded with a nod of his own and turned about, walking away down the hall, leaving her alone. Asuka stepped inside her room and moved to her bed, immediately throwing herself backwards upon it as to stare up at the ceiling. That stupid shrink was right about her, she did need to let go. Picking herself up and moving on wasn't going to be easy but she had to try. Maybe if she actually worked on herself then maybe she could do so in time. Maybe she could learn to forgive herself one day. Maybe one day she could be deserving of love.

Maybe... just maybe one day she could love herself as well...

---

Rei lay on the floor of the living room, staring blankly at the television. She'd never imagined that watching television could become boring but after spending hours doing just that she was indeed bored out of her mind.

For the first few hours she'd happily enjoyed surfing channels and, among other things, she'd discovered just how absurd game shows could be, but by hour three or so she'd gone numb to just about everything on the screen. As such, she'd attempted other activities to stave off the spiral of boredom. Unfortunately there wasn't much to do. She'd taken a nap, took a relaxing bath, and ultimately ended up reading some of the books Asuka kept in her room... that was probably the most interesting aspects of her day so far.

She'd known about shoujo manga but she'd never actually read any. It was honestly an enlightening experience. The one she'd picked up, a volume of a series called The Vision of Escaflowne, resonated with her deeply. The setup of the heroine being transported from earth to another world reminded her of her own adventures in traveling to a parallel world across time and space. It also didn't hurt that the plot centered around a giant robot as well. Sure, the Evas weren't robots but the fact they too were powered by a strange power source, much like the Escaflowne. It was an interesting read but eventually she got bored of that too. The second piece of reading material she pulled from Asuka's bedside table was... far more interesting.

She assumed the light novel was some sort of historical romance story considering the physically fit shirtless man with long hair embracing a woman wearing traditionally Edo period clothing. Upon closer inspection she was correct, though not the sort of story she initially assumed. Certain descriptions of characters and scenes were... explicit in nature. The more she read the faster her heart seemed to beat, the more the temperature in the room seemed to rise, and the less she could focus on the plot, if there really was one to begin with. The text descriptions of certain... actions were quite vivid... and appealing, but also thoroughly embarrassing. Part of her was shocked that Asuka would own something like this but another part of her couldn't help but imagine certain scenarios in the novel playing out between herself and Shinji. It was a lot to process.

She'd spent perhaps more time than she should have during the day reading that book...

That was hours ago, though. For the last two or so hours she'd been back to watching television with Pen-Pen... and she was well and truly bored of it, ready for Misato and Shinji to finally return home. It was more than sheer boredom, it was the loneliness. After spending so much time alone throughout her lives, and having grown to enjoy the company of friends, she detested being alone. At the same time, part of her did appreciate the irony of moving in with Misato and Shinji only to be left alone to her own devices for hours.

Well... perhaps that was for the best, considering what she'd been reading, and doing, earlier in the day, but the point stood.

Rei rolled over on her back, wincing as the tender skin around her stitches contacted the floor through her clothes, throwing her forearm over her face as an errant, pesky, annoying thought filled her mind. Once the pain subsided she let out a groan. She wondered if she'd ever get a chance to experience similar romantic and... intimate moments with Shinji to those she'd read in that light novel. Part of her wanted to confess to him again, or at the very least ask him how he really felt about her, but the fear of being rejected again was too great... and therefore all she could do was wait patiently for Shinji to make the first move. It was frustrating beyond the pale, especially considering how wonderful intimacy with another person could be, or so she'd read. It was probably much better than what she'd experienced alone in the bedroom while reading that book...

"Wark?" Misato's penguin vocalized from where he sat beside her.

Rei turned her head and regarded the bird, who was now staring at her with a seeming look of confusion. How perplexing for a penguin to seem so human, but then again, it was perplexing for Misato to own a penguin as a pet in the first place. "What?" she responded to him, as if he had the possibility of understanding her.

The penguin laid down and nuzzled up against her, emitting a soft squeak as he did, resting his head against her chest. The action of the animal made her smile. She brought her arm around him and held the bird close. "Are you bored and lonely too?" she asked.

The bird continued nuzzling up against her and made a soft chirping sound.

Rei's smile grew. Perhaps this bird was more intelligent than his form would have conveyed, and he was rather cuddly all things considered. She rolled over on her side and fully embraced him. "You're a sweet thing, aren't you?" she murmured softly.

Pen-Pen only chirped in response and nuzzled further into her bosom.

Rei couldn't help but give him a gentle squeeze, an overwhelming feeling of care and belonging washing over her. Was this what motherhood would eventually feel like? If so then she would gladly sign up for that burden...

Suddenly the sound of the mechanical door at the entrance of Misato's apartment filled her ears and immediately she let go of the penguin, standing to her feet with a jolt. Finally, after so many hours, Misato and more importantly Shinji, were back. "Hey, Rei!" Misato called from the entrance hall. "We're home!"

"Welcome home!" Rei called back warmly as she stepped into the kitchen. Finally, her cycle of boredom was over...

Misato stepped into the kitchen, followed closely by Shinji. "Hey, you," Misato addressed her with a smile. "Sorry we took so long. I know it was probably kinda boring being here alone all day."

"It was okay," Rei responded with a shrug of her shoulders. "I had Pen-Pen to keep me company."

"Did you find anything interesting on TV to watch?" Shinji asked with a sheepish expression.

Rei nodded "There were some good shows on," she replied.

His lips curved upward into that grin she so adored. "I'm glad," he returned warmly. "I'm sorry I was gone for most of the day."

Rei felt heat in her cheeks and glanced away from him as certain memories of what she'd read and the actions which followed played over in her head. It would have been nicer if she'd had his company but there was absolutely no way she could ever voice that... "It's fine..." she replied quietly. "I'm just glad you're back now..."

Misato turned and faced Shinji. "Well, now that we're home, I'd probably better start dinner," she stated.

Shinji's brow furrowed. "You already made breakfast today," he replied quietly. "I can cook dinner if you'd like..."

"It's fine," Misato returned. "It's my day to cook after all. I promise I won't ruin it."

Rei watched as Shinji turned to her momentarily with a doubtful expression and she couldn't help but find it amusing. She found herself stifling a laugh, bringing her hand up to cover her mouth.

Misato let out a sigh of frustration and folded her arms across her chest. "I offer to do something nice for the both of you and this is what I get for for my troubles..." she huffed. "How am I supposed to get any better if I don't try, huh?"

Rei watched as Shinji regarded their guardian with a nervous but contemplative expression. "I uh... I suppose you have a point," he replied after a moment of pause.

"Right then, I'll make something simple," Misato stated, her lips curving upwards. "How about you keep Rei company, huh? I'm sure she's missed you."

Rei felt heat in her cheeks, knowing exactly what Misato was insinuating. It was true but that didn't make it any less awkward or embarrassing. She watched as Shinji's face reddened and he glanced away from their guardian with an annoyed expression. "I guess we'll watch TV..." he muttered. "Whatever you cook, don't burn it..."

Misato rolled her eyes and turned around, heading back into the kitchen. Shinji took a few steps toward the television and sat down on the carpet. Rei joined him with a smile. Watching television wouldn't be nearly as boring if she was doing so with him. Still, before that, she wanted to know how his day went. "How was your day at NERV?" she asked.

"It was alright," he replied, glancing over at her with a grin before turning back to the television. "I spoke with Touji and lost few games of shogi against Commander Fuyutsuki. There's not much else to say about it. It's nice to finally be home."

Rei dared to inch herself a little closer to him. "It's nice to have you home," she returned with a smile. Then a thought occurred to her. He hadn't mentioned their other roommate. Her smile fell. "Did you speak to Asuka?"

Shinji's cheerful expression evaporated and his eyes drifted downwards. "She didn't want to speak to me," he replied. "It looked like she was having a rough day. She said she wanted to be left alone and I didn't want to upset her by forcing her to talk when she wasn't feeling up to it."

"That's understandable," Rei replied, reaching out and taking his hand in hers. "I think you did the right thing in that regard."

Shinji sighed. "Yeah, I know..." he murmured in response. "I'm trying my best. It would just be nice to see her get back to normal..."

Rei gave his hand a gentle squeeze, a contemplative expression descending across her features. Though she'd grown to detest the sensation of loneliness she definitely could understand that sometimes one did need solitude to contemplate their situation. She also knew that Asuka had probably had a lot of things that she still needed to work through. "She'll be alright in time," she replied. "I have faith in her."

Shinji turned to her again, a warm smile flashing on his lips. Oh how she loved that smile... "Yeah, you're right," he replied as he tightened his hand in hers before looking back to the television. "Everything's going to be alright..."

Silence fell between the two of them and Rei turned back to the television but she couldn't focus on the program that was being broadcast. All she could focus on was feeling of warmth in her hand and her chest. Was she holding his hand for too long or too tightly? Should she let go? She didn't want to let go...

"Hey, uh, Rei..." Shinji spoke up after a moment. "I uh..."

She turned to look at him once again. He looked nervous. Why did he look nervous? Was it her? Was it something else? Her heart was racing. Was he going to do what she thought he was going to, what she hoped he would do? "Yes?" she replied.

He looked a little conflicted but after a moment he let go of her hand and scooped up the television remote. "Do you want to watch One Piece?" he asked.

Rei felt a profound sense of disappointment but she wouldn't show it. Even if she'd have to wait forever she would wait patiently for him to speak the words she desperately wanted him to say. Besides, she did want to see how the straw hats were doing in the latest episode of their endless adventure... "Sure," she responded with the ghost of a smile. "I'd like that..."

---

The evening that Maya spent with Shigeru was surprising to say the least. From the very first moment that she'd joined him for the evening things had gone much different than she'd expected them to, if she'd had any expectations at all.

She'd found it surprising when he'd arrived on foot at her apartment building on the edge of where Tokyo 3 used to be with nothing but a guitar case in his hands. "Can't catch a buzz if I'm driving to the club," he'd said to her with a cavalier grin. Normally she'd have shut the door in his face but after all she'd been through she could tell that he needed to loosen up after the last few weeks the both of them had endured.

From her apartment the two of them boarded a bus a few blocks away and taken it a few towns over to a small village where the venue was located. They'd enjoyed a bit of small talk with him on the ride and was surprised again by the depth of conversation they had during that time. He'd opened up to her about how he'd joined NERV after nearly flunking out of university once he'd realized that a career in music was next to unattainable, something she found somewhat sad. He was so different from her in that her greatest aspiration after graduating with honors was to work on software and contribute to the good of all mankind in doing so...

"Life isn't as simple a thing as we like to think," he'd said with a wry laugh and a cavalier smile. "I'm an inconsequential man, Maya. I wanted to matter but I know I can't. I'm satisfied with standing next to those who can..."

Even now, hours later, those pessimistic words hurt. To know that he thought so low of himself was rather saddening... but once they arrived at the venue that was where the real surprises awaited her.

She'd known that he adored being a musician, he wore it on his sleeve. Hell, she'd caught him numerous times reading guitar magazines at his station or playing air guitar to music only he could hear while on duty... but nothing could prepare her for hearing him actually perform.

By the time he took the stage she'd had probably one or three drinks more than she should have but that didn't diminish the power of his performance. He got up on the stage, uncased his guitar, and sat down on the stool before the microphone... and time stopped.

While he was performing she was absolutely spellbound. The passion in his voice as he sang the various cover songs he performed was truly inspiring. It didn't help that a good amount of the songs he sang were covers of one of her favorite bands while in high school, The Pillows. Still... his covers of Brand New Love Song and Last Holiday were... transcendent. The passion in his performance was palpable. It led her to a sober conclusion; that could really make it as a professional but it seemed his cynicism won out. She found that so incredibly sad...

In the moments between when he'd left the stage and joined her at the bar she'd found herself asking herself a lot of questions. Seeing him perform so passionately like that, putting his heart and soul into playing music... it made her wonder if she'd chosen the right path it life. Perhaps it was the head full of soju speaking but she couldn't help but wonder if she'd taken the wrong life path. Perhaps she, like him, had spent far to much of her time trying to make other people happy rather than herself...

Sure, she loved programming, and she loved being Dr. Akagi's assistant... but in that time she'd basically given up on doing anything else. Her life had ended up being NERV and nothing but NERV. To see that someone else, someone she considered a friend, had something else besides their mutual employment made her honestly a bit sad. What did she have? She'd always wanted more, to have love, acceptance, all of those things... and yet her path had taken her anywhere but those places.

...And now she found herself stumbling back toward her apartment, her arm slung around Shigeru as they walked from the bus stop near her apartment. "You had a lot to drink tonight..." he chuckled softly. "More than you should have..."

"Sorry..." she murmured softly, her head spinning. "Can you blame me for cutting loose a bit?"

He laughed quietly. "No, no I can't," he replied softly. "I'm glad you had a good time."

Silence fell between the two of them as they continued their march along the street. Perhaps it was the booze talking but Maya couldn't keep her mouth shut. "You're really good..." she murmured softly.

"Don't flatter me," Shigeru replied, his tone turning bitter. "I know I'm just a mediocre picker... but thanks anyway."

Maya frowned and pulled away from him, regarding him with a glare. "I mean it," she huffed in annoyance. "I wouldn't say it if I didn't."

He smiled back at her momentarily. "Well... I guess you're entitled to your opinion..." he muttered in response.

Another pensive silence fell between the two of them. That self deprecating attitude he had just didn't sit right with her and eventually she couldn't help but speak again. "What made you so resentful?" she asked, referring to the cynical attitude he always displayed. "What made you so unable to trust people, huh?"

Shigeru breathed a heavy sigh. "It's a long story..." he muttered bitterly. "But... I suppose once you've lost out on enough opportunities, and been stabbed in the back enough times, then you'll start seeing people differently..."

Maya bit the inside of her lip and frowned. She really wished he would open up a bit more but she knew she shouldn't press it. From the way he spoke she knew it was a tender subject with him. "I'm sorry that happened to you..." she replied.

"It's in the past," He returned softly. "I'm just glad you enjoyed my music tonight..."

Maya scowled. "Still... I'm sorry that I didn't realize how hard your life was..." she replied quietly.

"Well... it's fine..." he huffed in response. "There's nothing you can do about the past so there's no use worrying about it..."

Maya bit the inside of her lip, the emotion burning in her chest spilling forth. "You're not inconsequential..." she murmured softly.

She heard him draw a heavy breath. "I am..." he replied quietly. "But I'm glad you think otherwise..."

Maya said nothing in response and kept walking onward in step with him. She wanted to speak but her nerves prevailed and prevented her from doing so. She wanted to tell him that he wasn't inconsequential to her. After all, he'd been the one who'd convinced her to actually rethink what she wanted out of life. That was no small feat...

The two of them continued down the road in silence. Eventually she couldn't help but speak up again. "Don't you get lonely sometimes?" she asked. "Keeping everyone at a distance?"

He chuckled wryly in response. "Sometimes..." he replied. "I've gotten used to it. Besides, I've got you and Hyuga, for what it's worth."

Maybe it was the cocktails making her hear things but she could have sworn there was a deep, hidden sadness that was coming out in his tone. She had no response to that. She was too tired, too conflicted, and too drunk to formulate one.

A few minutes later the two of them reached her apartment building he helped her up the stairs until they reached her door. Maya unlocked it and stepped inside, turning around to face him with a tipsy grin. "I had a good time tonight," she stated warmly. "Thanks for bringing me out."

"I'm glad. I guess I'll see you later..." he stated simply with a sheepish smile on his face before turning around to leave. "Bye."

Maybe it was the drink or maybe it was the desire to not be alone with her thoughts but she reached her hand out and grabbed his wrist. "Wait..." she murmured softly, her heartbeat quickening.

Shigeru turned around with a perplexed expression. "What is it?" he asked.

Maya glanced away from him but refused to let him go, struggling to voice what she desired. "Won't you... stay for a while?" she whispered softly. Times like this she kinda wished she had longer hair. With her preferred cut it was much harder to hide a blush...

Though she couldn't bring herself to look him in the face she could feel him tensing up. "I... I suppose I could," he replied softly.

Maya's lips curved upwards once more. She took a step backwards and pulled him inside the through the door...

---

It was early morning and Kaji sat alone watching the Italian news channels from the foot of one of the beds in the hotel room he occupied with Fujita. He couldn't understand a damn thing that was being said but he was relieved that his exploits during the early night weren't being reported on. It would seem that the Japanese government was quick to get such things buried, probably by greasing someone's hand. He could only hope that Kolinski's files might yield something, or that the sniveling bastard would eventually squeal on Keel. That would take time... but his growing hunger wouldn't wait. Hopefully Fujita would return from hotel dining area with some sort of meal soon. Their agency hadn't guaranteed them room service like last time... the cheap fuckers.

The sound of the door opening caught his attention and he watched as Fujita entered the room carrying a tray with plates of bacon and eggs. "Well... I just got a call from Nagumo a few minutes ago," he stated as he moved in to sit on the other bed. "I've got some good news, some bad news, and... some neutral news. What do you want to hear first?"

Kaji raised his eyebrows. He wondered why Nagumo would be calling his partner instead of him considering he'd only recently been roped into PSIA authority, but he wouldn't press it. He had almost caused an international incident the previous night after all... "Dealer's choice I suppose," he replied evenly.

Fujita stuffed a slice of bacon in his mouth and seemed to relish in the taste considering how loudly and zealously he chewed it. "Well, the good news is that a CIA task force managed to apprehend SEELE's third in command up in a hidden bunker somewhere in North Dakota," he stated, all the while chewing loudly, only swallowing once he'd finished his statement.

That was good news, very good news. Perhaps someone that high up in SEELE's ranks could lead them directly to Keel... "Okay, that's good," he replied. "What's the bad news?"

Fujita laughed wryly and consumed another the piece of bacon. "The bad news is that, in typical American fashion, they turned him into Swiss fucking cheese during the operation," he returned sheepishly.

Kaji scowled, knowing exactly what he was getting at; that while it was a tactical victory it would delay the completion of their long term strategic goal. "That is quite unfortunate..." he muttered bitterly.

Fujita laughed wryly. "Yeah," he returned. "Leave it to the Yanks to shoot first, ask never, am I right?"

Kaji breathed a bitter sigh. After hearing that news he was in no mood to hear his partner's pithy remarks on the matter. "So what's the neutral news?" he huffed.

"The neutral news is that, considering our success last night, we're going to Moldova, today," Fujita replied. "Apparently SEELE number two, some prick named Jacques Laurent, is located at the Leogrand Hotel in the capital city of Chisinau and is currently frittering away money at the Nuovo Casino. It's up to us to apprehend him."

Kaji sat looking at his partner dumbfounded. "Are you serious?" he huffed in mild annoyance. "This guy is really sitting around in a country without an extradition treaty playing up some Bond villain type shit?"

Fujita laughed. "I guess reality is stranger than fiction, huh?" he replied with a grin, as he offered him a plate. "Come on, relax and have some bacon. We can't be flying in on empty stomachs."

Kaji shook his head and breathed an exasperated sigh before extending a hand. "Give me a plate," he grumbled in reply.

Fujita obliged him, and he shoved a slice of bacon in his mouth. Perhaps these westerners were onto something with this kind of breakfast. It was a good source of protein at the end of the day...

"Just remember our agreement," Fujita stated quietly. "We play this one by the book, right?"

"Yeah..." Kaji replied as he swallowed his bite of bacon. "We play this one by the book..."

---

Author's notes

I suppose I'll just come out and say it, just to clarify things before I share my thoughts on this one. This chapter was supposed to be the fourth from final chapter of the story but alas the amount of themes and sub-plots still left to explore would have made it utterly gargantuan and so the contents originally meant for this update will be split between this update and the next two, taking the story to a total of 70 chapters... if the plot doesn't further run away from me.

That said, the hunt for SEELE continues and will continue. For those hoping for more Kaji centric action, you'll get your wish in the next one. Of course there will be more moments between our favorite pair of introverted Eva pilots, more moments with Asuka coming to terms with herself, Ritsuko being Ritsuko, and so forth.

The opening scene with Kaji was a lot of fun to put together, and hopefully demonstrates the slippery slope that revenge can cause one to tread. Rei is continuing to have awakenings as she adjusts to her new life and Shinji, cautious as ever, continues to fumble over himself. No matter how much things change some things stay the same. As for the little bit with Maya and Shigeru... well... I have some personal reasons for liking the two of them as a potential couple. Their personalities remind me a bit of my own and that of the lovely woman I share my life with. Not much else to say on the matter.

Oh, and in case no one picked up on it, Asuka's shrink is a direct homage to a character in Funvice's Eva story "Life Goes On", a fantastic read if I do say so myself.

The next update should be out a little sooner than it took me to compose this one. Please read and review, and thank you all again for taking this journey with me.

Regards,

A.F.