Interlude 1: It's raining somewhere else

"What am I even…looking at?" Mario asked.

He and Sans had walked to the Core Machine Room. When they had arrived, ROB was there, and it had been clear that Sans had been using it for quite some time. A ketchup bottle and a relish bottle were about half consumed at the computer desk. Mario would have to remind Sans about the "No food or drink at the Core Machine" rule. But that wasn't what was perplexing him. On the screen itself were blue light blue lines with the consistency of a stream more than Mario could count, all protruding from an equally blue orb. One of the lines was highlighted yellow.

"Timelines. Specifically, all the potential timelines of my world."

"Okay. ROB, give me a rounded number to the nearest zero."

ROB sat silent for a few seconds, his eyes flashing green as he calculated. Suddenly, his eyes stopped flashing, and the old robot whirred to look at Mario

"21 million" droned ROB

"And these are all potential futures?" Mario asked, looking at Sans.

The short skeleton chuckled, "No. You're not thinking abstractly enough. These not only represent futures but pasts and presents as well."

Mario nodded, "The Smash Universe exists outside of time and space, so we're technically able to be omnipresent in past, present, and future.

Sans nodded gleefully, "Yeah, that's what's so cool about this place. The ultimate goal of my friend and I was to get a front row seat to time like this so that we could fix the timeline."

"May I ask what happened to your friend?"

"He fell so hard he got dunked on by the Theory of Relativity."

Mario felt his skin run cold, "Oh my Stars, I'm so sorry."

"I miss him," said Sans mournfully, "But it's an occupational hazard. He's everywhere and nowhere. I still feel him sometimes."

"I'm sure," Mario sympathetically spoke.

The two were silent before Sans spoke up, "So anyway, I suppose you're going to ask why this specific timelinei is highlighted yellow."

"Yes, I was-a curious about that."

"Well, first of all, because it looks like pee, which I thought was funny. Secondly, because it looks like lemonade and I'm craving a glass. Thirdly, because that's my timeline."

"Because it looked like pee?"

"Bodily function humor is a widely accepted form of humor, Mister Mario." ROB chimed in.

"I know that ROB," groaned Mario.

Sans chuckled again, "See? This guy gets it."

Mario rubbed his temples, "Okay so, moving past the pee jokes, your timeline? The one you left?"

"Yeah."

Sans pressed a few buttons at the console. The screen zoomed in on the yellow stream, which zoomed in further on a planet within it. Zooming in on the planet led to a park, where it appeared a dog in knight's armor was throwing a human child up into the air, which the human child appeared to be enjoying, as it was whooping and hollering

"See, I'm what the people of that planet call a monster," Sans said, "About a decade ago a war broke out because the prince of monsters was unjustly killed after it brought a human back to its village. We lost that war and as a result, got banished underneath a mountain. Recently a human fell down to our world and helped us break the magic barrier without killing anyone. We all live in harmony now."

"Well that's good," said Mario, frowning, "But I guess other timelines didn't go in such a merry direction."

"Heh, you're smarter than I thought mustache. Look."

More buttons being pressed on the console, the screen flipped to what seemed like a normal, albeit dark, town.

"There are somewhere the human got out, leaving the underground in varying states of disarray. And then…."

The screen flipped to a royal looking hall. Sans was there, a bloody, deep gash down his torso, with a child standing over him wielding a bloody knife. The child had a blank expression on his face

"Papyrus," the Sans on screen wheezed, "I'm going to Grillby's. Do you….want anything?" limping a few steps, and then collapsing, transforming into dust, which quickly blew away in a light breeze.

"Seven Stars above," gasped a horrified Mario, "What causes such deviations in the timeline?"

Sans shrugged, "Dunno. I've driven myself batty trying to figure it out. The only explanation I can think of goes into those scientific studies that we can't identify problems in until it's too late. You know, psychology stuff. Beyond that, it's literally down to what the human feels like doing when they get down the mountain."

Mario nodded, "I understand the frustration, being faced with an issue you can't control."

"Yeah, especially when I'm the Sans that comes from the perfect timeline."

Mario raised an eyebrow, "The perfect timeline? How do you that yours is the perfect timeline?"

"Because of my friend's machine," Sans muttered, "I figured it out. If we, that is, all of the Sans' that exist across time, all individually figured out the machine, I imagine your technology would be going nutso having marked all of us."

"And I'm assuming that way you came here, to begin with, to see if someone with a machine like your friend's could help."

For the briefest of moments, Mario thought he saw Sans' eye flash with a blue flame, but before he could register it, it was gone.

"Right again Mister Mustache. If we were on Mettaton's game show, you'd be at, what, the 200 dollar question? Even so, if you cashed out then that'd be like, a few days of hamburgers. You'd be set."

"In addition to the harrows of your timeline, your currency also appears to be terribly inflated," ROB droned.

Sans laughed, but not like the chuckles that seemed to come as natural at breathing for the skeleton. This was an explosion of laughter. ROB had caught Sans off guard.

"Nah man I just eat a lot," Sans said in response.

Puns and deadpan, that's how we keep you happy huh, Mario thought to himself.

Mario nodded, "I believe I understand now. You could say I needed time to adjust," Mario paused, allowing Sans to chuckle once again, " I think you can be a great help to us outside of-a fighting. You seem to know a lot more about this than anyone I know."

Sans chuckled, "Thanks man, I wish I didn't" he snapped

The quick burst of anger that Sans had just let out filled Mario with a deep coldness. Knowledge that there are places in a universe much like your own where your friends had died, and chaos reigned supreme, and knowledge that you tried and failed. That filled Mario with a deep sense of dread.

"And if anything….that's what this war is gonna be if and-a when it happens. Warriors from bad timelines coming to rule the entire multi-verse, " Mario pondered

Sans shrugged, "Yeah. And I really hope at the end of it we can right those darker timelines."

"If that's what brings peace to the multi-verse, that's what we'll-a do Sans," said the mustachioed plumber.

"Affirmative" agreed ROB.

There was a moment's pause, and then Mario spoke, "Sans, in addition to myself and ROB, there are a few other…um…administrators. I don't-a know if Shulk has introduced himself, or the Duck Hunt Duo, but we do a lot of the behind the scenes operation, and with your knowledge of timelines and these machines, we'd like to invite you to be a part of that team. You'll be doing that-a part-time, filling in for Shulk and ROB while they're competing, and they'll-a be doing the same for you. How does that sound?"

Sans dismissively waved his hand, "I held like, three jobs back home. Would be nice to finally have one that's not customer-facing for once. Yeah, I'm in."

Mario quizzically raised an eyebrow, " Wait, you held three jobs? No disrespect to you, but you don't seem like the kind of guy to…"

"Dude, if I had a nickel every time somebody said that I'd have enough to buy a dope sports car."

Mario grinned, "Fair enough. Welcome to the team Sans. I'm thinkin' of-a wrapping this meeting up. You got any questions?"

"I do actually. You said this was gonna be a tournament right? With a live attendance?" Sans asked

"Yeah! You can invite whoever you want to watch you fight. That's a source of great appeal for most people who come to fight here."

"Great. My friends are cool people, and I think you'll like them too."

Mario nodded, "I'm especially looking forward to meeting this Mettaton character. You said he had a game show? We're always looking for entertainment outside the realm of the tournaments for pre and post-show, I'd like to give this guy a shot-a."

"Oh, you're not ready for Mettaton. But then again, are any of us truly ready for Mettaton?" Sans mused.

Mario laughed, "I like that, it only intrigues me more."

Sans matched Mario's laughter, and the two shared a few seconds of laughter together. When the laughter subsided, Sans spoke up.

"Aight dude, I'm gonna grab that glass of lemonade if you don't mind."

"No problem at all. This meeting is dismissed."

Sans did an overdramatic bow as he left the Core Machine room, walking down the long hallway to the cafeteria. He found himself lost in thought about how fun it would be to be able to show Alphys this fantastic world, or how cool it would be to see Papyrus and Undyne interact with heroes of their own ilk, or….

Jokes from around the universe with Toriel

Sans sighed happily at the prospect, when suddenly.

WHAM!

He bumped shoulders with someone as he walked to the entrance of the cafeteria. Looking up from his daydreaming state, he locked eyes with a young man in a striped shirt, adorned with a baseball cap.

"Uh…do I know you from somewhere?"

"Um, no?" Ness said.

"Oh, okay then. I just got in the other night. My name's Sans, I'm taking the Mii Gunner position."

Ness smiled broadly, "Well, my name's Ness! I've been here since the first tournament."

"Wow, so much battle experience for a young kid. Do you mind showing me the ropes of the fighting arena?"

Ness 'hummed' in a quizzical manner, "I don't think any of the training rooms are open yet. We usually have a week for that once everyone's settled in, and judging by how things have been going so far, that might be a while. But yeah! Once things open up for that, I'll totally be your training buddy!"

Sans chuckled, "Thanks for being a pal kid. See ya around!"

Ness nodded as Sans entered the cafeteria, shuffling up to the counter, to which a purple Wire Frame man sat attentively

"Good afternoon Mister Sans. What would you like?"

Wouldn't it be funny if I didn't get that lemonade after all? Subversion of expectation is such a good bit.

"Two helping of burg."

"Two hamburgers coming right up."

Sans happily leaned against the counter, checking his Smash Tech watch. The time read 3 PM. Between the nap, he'd taken earlier, and the hour or so of work he'd done at the Core Machine he'd missed the lunch rush. He'd also somehow managed to avoid the hustle and bustle of the Smash Mansion overall.

Good, that means nobody'll judge me for burgers in bed and another nap Sans thought as he wordlessly took his tray of burgers and shuffled off to his room.