Physics Week Part 1: Champions' League

Smash Mansion: Noon, Physics Week Day 1

Travis Touchdown exited his two-bedroom suite with a spring in his step for the first time he had moved in. He had had plenty to be happy about. He'd received several gifts from the Smash Bros. The first was the completion of his t-shirt collection, whether that meant old ones that had been lost in moves between towns, or completely new ones. The second was a bevy of video game cartridge-esque "chips", which he was assured would give him new powers more fit for the Smash arena. He could only absorb four of the eight at a time, but hey, new fantastical powers were new fantastical powers right? He didn't even draw that badly when it came to roommates. Roy wasn't a terrible man by any means, but once in a blue moon, it mirrored the experience one would have rooming with a fitness instructor with a love of a certain white powder and a Catholic nun all in one man. Whether it be his strict training regimen that involved being up and practicing sword technique at the crack of dawn, loudly practicing until the dead of night, critiquing the lack of art in the designs of his much-beloved t-shirt collection his insistence on keeping everything pure (Roy had once walked in on Travis' private time with an image of one of his favorite anime characters and had made a big show about praying to the Goddess for salvation), there was always something that irked Travis about The Young Lion if ever so briefly. Between that and the obligation to make small talk with his roommate's friends, Travis was feeling smothered.

Today was a special day though, Roy had gone down to the training rooms early to prepare for the Champions League seminar. Travis had slept in, finally gotten that private time, and ordered breakfast up to the room without so much as a fuss. Putting on his Crossface Chickenwing T-shirt over his signature red jacket and pocketing his Skill Chips lanyard, Travis skipped merrily to the main lobby. Nothing could ruin this day.

"Al-a-ga-zam Mister Touchdown!"

Travis' head instinctually shot to the direction of the noise. It was Cuphead, the sentient teacup boy.

"What?" Travis asked, his tone sharp and annoyed.

"Hey man, B.C. I ain't a punk."

Suddenly, it clicked in Travis' head, "Are you…speaking Ciazarn* at me?"

"Well yeah. You, the cat man, and those two girls are rasslers right. So surely you speak carny."

Travis smirked. Something about the boy's genuine niceness melted his initial annoyance

"Nah, 'fraid I don't."

"Aw, graham crackers. At least you 'an the girls 'an the cat can put on a match in the Champions Club shindig today."

Travis's eyes went wide, "Really? They're in on it too? What stage is it on?"

"The Battlefield stage I think.,"

"Thanks, kiddo,"

As Travis began his walk towards the flight of steps that lead to training rooms, he heard the wavering voice of Cuphead call out to him.

"Hey man, be careful down there. Bowser is putting his kids an' the plant through the wringer on Super Happy Tree, probably to train them for their fight against my friends and I. Just uh… be careful," said the boy, fidgeting with his enormous cartoon gloves, "Them schmucks are bad news."

Travis nodded, smiling more warmly now, "I'll be fine kiddo,"
And so, his descent began. Down through the many sublevels, arriving at the training room labeled Battlefield. He paused briefly to listen to the sounds that echoed just a few doors away, the stage labeled "Super Happy Tree." The cup kid hadn't been lying. Claw swipes connecting with reptilian skin, jets of fire, small car engines revving, and most bizarrely of all, the rapid fluttering of leaves pierced the otherwise silent air.

The hell did I get myself into the assassin thought.

As he entered the room, he took in the sight before him. Mario, Cloud, Kirby, and Roy were all eagerly talking amongst themselves in the center of the room in a circle. The River City Girls duo were doing group stretches commonly seen in a martial arts class, the brunette Kyoko stretching the raven-haired Misako's hamstrings. While the latter would've usually proven more interesting to Travis, his eyes were drawn to the pro-wrestling-style championship belts each of the four champions were wearing. Mario's, like the logo of the famous "The 12" tournament, was the Smash logos built entirely out of black diamond, citrine, and fire opal. Roy's, which was placed ornately around his waist, had an entirely crystal center plate, with the Smash Bros crosshair logo split between Amethyst jewels and black diamonds, each gem emblazoned across two crosshairs apiece. The belt Kirby wore across his entire circumference across his eyes was significantly darker than the other three, with an entirely Black Diamond background, with the crosshairs made entirely of a darkened garnet, with the faintest hints of citrine on its border. The most ornate belt belonged to Cloud, who's crystal-based belt was of sapphire, flame-orange topaz, and rubies, with the ornate design ending in flame textured wings in which the gems were expertly melded together.

"Goddamn," Travis breathed as every head in the room turned to him, "That's some expensive ass jewelry you got there."

Mario nodded, "Master Hand was very proud of them. If you win, you get them all."

Travis' eyes went wide, "Damn, seriously? On top of everything else? So is this just the world's highest-stakes belt unification tournament or what?"

Mario put rubbed his chin in thought, "In a sense. You'll-a learn more on opening day. For now, however…"

"We're just waiting for Macho Man Randy Dorkage and the obese lizard to show up," Misako snapped.

Every head in the room turned as a new voice thundered, "Young lady, I'll have you know this is armor."

King K. Rool marched into the room, growling from a snarl. Misako kipped to her feet, meeting King K. Rool in the center of the room, squaring up to him, "Awwww did I hurt wittle alligator's feewings?" the brash girl mocked.

"Hey hey hey! Break it up!" squealed Kyoko, getting in between the two and pushing them apart.

"Hey don't start the main event without me brothers!" yelled Incineroar as the musclebound Pokemon trudged into the room, "After all, you can't have the main event without the women's pet and the men's regret."

"Cease your fake fighting promotional prattle this instant!" demanded K Rool.

Steam erupted from Incineroar's nostrils, "Hey, I'll show you fake jabroni."

Mario cleared his throat, and everything stopped, every head in the room turning to look at him, "Anyway, now that we're all here, I can officially welcome everyone to the Champions League seminar!"

"Here," Roy began, "You will learn the physics of the Smash arena. That is, how each of you will maneuver within it."

Cloud spoke next, "Additionally, you should know that all one needs to do to summon the supplies you need is to think about it. Under the tournament ruleset, you will only be granted four special moves."

"You do not have to decide what these are until we record prefight interviews for the first round on Opening Day. Any training you participate in this week is a means for experimentation, nothing more," Roy interjected.

"So, in other words, just have fun!" chirped Kirby.

Mario nodded, "The other champions summed it up better than I ever could have. Any questions?"

"I have one," King K. Rool bellowed, "What of the Final Smash technique? I refuse to play the bongo drums like that infernal fool Donkey Kong!"

Mario coughed, covering his mouth. Travis saw the glint in the small man's eyes as his head raised back up. He was trying not to laugh.

"Your Final Smash is a manifestation of your most powerful ability, or, in the case of some of us, a reflection of a time you felt most powerful, whether that be a day to day task or a defining moment in your life," Mario explained, "It manifests differently for us all, and we typically find out when we get a Smash-a Ball for the first time. At least that's how we think it works" Mario explained.

"You think? " snapped King K. Rool.

"The Hands had the most explicit knowledge of how Smash Balls and subsequently the Smash Core work, and they didn't pass that on. Interdimensional being type mumbo jumbo I'm assumin'.'"

King K. Rool slowly nodded, bearing daggers at the leader of the Smashers when Incineroar spoke up, "I have one for the crocodile!"

Travis crossed his arms, a smirk on his face, "Oh, this should be good," muttered the assassin.

"Why do you call yourself King K. Rool? It's obvious you're a king because you wear a crown! That would be like me calling myself Handsome Incineroar!" barked the wrestling Pokemon, smiling brightly to emphasize his point.

King K. Rool's teeth gnashed as he stomped up to Incineroar, a low rumbling snarl emanating from his throat, "The crown," hissed the king, "Is a symbol of royal status. I wouldn't expect a meathead like you to understand."

"I'd rather be a meathead than a blubber ass," shot back Incineroar.

"Hey boys, settle it in the arena," said Cloud, "Mario?"

Mario nodded. On cue, the room in which they stood materialized to The Battlefield, everything non-essential, such as the belts, vanishing as it did. The veterans smiled as the newcomers, took in the beautiful nature above and below them.

Travis immediately heard music. It appeared that somewhere, the most basic electric guitar cord accompanied the most lethargic drummer and synth keyboard player the multiverse had ever seen.

"Now," Mario began, "In a tournament setting you would have individual spawn points, but for today's exercise that isn't a-necessary. As you can probably reckon, you lose a stock, or a point in time matches, when you fall off the stage into the blast zone. You can-a be knocked into the blast zone the higher your damage percentage is, which will increase as you take damage."

Travis glanced at his communicator. The usual, smartphone styled UI had been replaced with a single counter, which read Travis Touchdown:

Kyoko piped up next, staring into the abyss of the blast zone, "We're going to get knocked that far? How will we recover if we fall that far?"

Mario smirked, "Easy. Since you two are a duo, try jumping to one of those platforms," he ordered them, gesturing wide to encompass moth of the lower parts of the triangle.

Together, the jumped into the air, jumping again, pirouetting higher through the air, with just enough height to land on the top platform.

"THAT WAS RAD!" shrieked Misako.

"What was?" asked Travis.

"When you jump a second time, it's like….it's like you can walk on air for a split second," Kyoko called down to him.

"Cool, I'll try the other one," Travis said, flashing a cocky smirk at them.

Strutting to just below the right-most platform in the triangle. Travis leaped into the air. He thought about a second jump and, just as Kyoko had described, he felt himself standing on air. Immediately, he pushed forward, allowing his body, tucked into a ball, to roll towards the opposite platform. Landing on his knees, his sword out in front of him, he landed on the platform. As Travis looked to where the champions stood, Mario was grinning ear to ear, while the other three champions applauded lightly "Oh ho ho! This youngin' wants to do moves already. Nice-a form Travis, but we aren't ready for that yet. Incineroar, you try for the platform on the left now," commanded the Champion of The 12

Incineroar nodded, strutting to the left platform. Travis' eyes narrowed, as Incineroar was copying his confident stride exactly. Was that a shot at him? Travis had no time to ponder, however, as, with almost no effort. Incineroar leaped into the air, crossing his arms into an X-shape, the whole thing culminating in a small explosion, as Incineroar stood, flexing his biceps.

"Nice flare Incineroar," Mario said, his arms crossed, "But as I a-said, no moves just yet,"

For the first time, the group Incineroar make a bashful, almost embarrassed expression casting his glance at the stone floor, "That's the thing brother. I uh…can't jump very good," muttered the wrestler

Mario cast him a thumbs up, "That's okay buddy! Most of our heavier guys have that problem, and it looks like whatever move that is doing the job pretty well."

Incineroar, flexed again, back to his cocky self in a nanosecond, "I call it The Cross-Chop baby!"

Suddenly, the group heard a loud, dismissive huff. Everyone turned to see K. Rool, eyes closed, arms crossed.

"The Cross Chop? I've never heard of such absurdity. Such problems must be solved with science and technology. Why, if I had my Propellerpack I would…"

And with that, the yellow, double helicopter bladed backpack appeared on K. Rool's back. The Kremling King nearly fell forward, both from the tremendous weight shift and the newbies flinching. He rebalanced, feeling the controls for the Propellerpack in his claws. His eyes widening in realization was followed by howling with triumphant laughter, King K. Rool took off into the air. Each of the other participants watched as he ascended, higher than any of them had, with the Pack suddenly losing momentum as floated lazily down to the top platform. Misako immediately kicked the king in the gut, locking her hands around his massive reptilian jaw, and planting firmly on her behind. The momentum traveled directly to King K. Rool's jaw, the force of the blow knocking him onto his back, "That's for earlier fatty," hissed Misako.

"And King K. Rool just learned about special moves. As we said back there, if you can imagine it, you can do it. However, there are two lessons to be learned. Overuse leaves you open and predictable. Secondly, nothing counters a special move faster than straight ahead, no-nonsense technique. The best Smashers know how to balance the two. You can also use certain special moves in the air to recover, but everyone's movements are limited after the move. Now, before we get into some freestyling, do we have any questions?"

"I do," Travis said, raising his hand, "Can we turn this music off? It's looped about seven times since I got here and it's like someone is drilling my skull."

Mario raised an eyebrow, "You don't-a like the training music?"

"Can't say I've ever been a fan," grumbled Travis, "Too grating for me. I like learning to something a little more fast-paced, something a little more intricate.".

"You kids," Mario tutted, "Your-a constant need for adrenaline pumping stimulation is unsettling, to say the least. This is what the Original 12 trained to, back in the day, a classic."

"More outdated than old school, but…"

"You're all wrong," Mario began with a sagely yet annoyed shake of his head, "It's a simple rhythm, nothing overwhelming, carefree, composed to show growth as you master techniques of increasing difficulty."

"Didn't know you were a musician old man," Travis smirked.

"I'll have you know dis 'old man' grew up in the theater. Music and a play with a three-act structure are much the same as learning any new skill. It helped me a lot to learn that."

Travis nodded, "Never was much for theater, but you may not be talkin' crazy after all."

Roy laughed as both men looked towards him, "So you're less of an unlearned punk than I thought you!" boomed The Young Lion, "Come hither, and let our blades clash in battle!"

"Alright," Mario proclaimed, "You heard the man! Free training is ON!"

Travis leaped from the platform on which he stood, standing right in front of Roy.

"Ready?"

Travis nodded, bringing his beam katana to the ready.

Roy launched forward, with two stabbing blows and a vertical cut, all of which Travis blocked, quickly answering with his own horizontal dices, Roy seemed to stagger. On a fourth blow, Roy suddenly jumped back into his ready stance, flashing just as the beam katana connected. Faster than Travis could even comprehend, Roy landed a slashing blow on him, knocking him backward.

"The hell was that?" demanded Touchdown.

"My counter. When Marth and I started competing, there was nothing quite like it in competition. Now, the effect's been a bit diluted over time."

Travis kipped up to his feet, "What, ya bitter?"

Roy laughed, "Not at all. I'm quite happy to be a trailblazer in fact,"

"Meh, I think it's cheap,"

Again, Roy laughed. Travis felt his skin crawl. Jovial people like that reminded him a bit too much of Destroyman for his liking.

"Don't worry," boomed Roy, " I'll let you try your…erm…computer chips eventually. But for now…"

Roy swung back into his Double Edge slices without warning, varying his attacks between low and high. Travis broke in when the combination came to a stop, slicing at Roy, the difference being after three slices, Roy managed to pepper in a 'jab' a thrusting strike with the side of his sword. Travis recoiled, turning away from Roy. Travis prepared a behind the back thrust, waiting for Roy to flash. Travis thrust his beam katana backward, pausing just as Roy flashed, then bringing his sword back, and completing the move. Roy pressed a button on his wrist communicator to quickly bring up a shield. Upon contact with the beam katana, the shield popped like a balloon, sending Roy into the air. When he came down, he popped right back up but was still recoiling as though he'd been electrocuted. Travis stepped behind Roy, hooking his arms, and hoisting him behind him as he himself bridged, completing the Dragon Suplex.

Roy slowly got to his feet, "Ah, well. You remind me quite a bit of Sir Marth, except you are much more versatile, and your technique is much more painful. At the very least, now you know about shields. When you're in a fight, the only thing you can do, besides look at your damage percentage, is activating your shield with a push of the center button."

Travis nodded, "I'll keep that in mind. Can I try out these chips now?"

Roy nodded back, "Aye!"

Travis removed the lanyard from his jacket pocket, thumbing through the chips at random, thumbing through it, picking one at random. Squinting to read the small chips even smaller label on the chip, he saw the word "Heavy" scribbled across it crudely with a sharpie. He shrugged. He'd have the entire week to test all of them. Pressing the chip up to one of the four slots that had been engraved into his sword, the chip transformed into a green wireframe skeleton of itself before melting into his beam sword. He snapped his gaze up. On the top platform, King K. Rool and The River City Girls were sparring. King K. Rool had a purse shaped welt on his snout.

Maybe I can curry favor with the fatass if I trade-off thought Travis.

"Hey ladies," called Travis, "Wanna try out my new chips?"

"Oooh, that really depends. Do you have queso or salsa?" asked Kyoko.

Travis shook his head, a grin on his face, "Nah, I don't mean chips you eat, I mean powerups."

Misako snickered as Kyoko's eyes brightened to an impossible joy, "Yay! Powerups! I'd love to try!"

The Girls jumped down to meet Travis eagerly.

"Alright," Travis said, lowering his guard, "Hit me with a move brother,"

"You're funeral," Misako teased, sticking her tongue out at Travis.

Misako lunged forward. With his thumb, Travis pressed the indent that the chip had gone into. A hypnotic circle of light and dark erupted around Travis. As Misako entered the circumference, she began to slow to a snail's pace.

"Ohhhhh screwwwwww youuuuuu assholllle," warbled the slowed-down voice of Misako as she realized what was happening.

Travis cockily stepped behind Misako and hit her with the now all too familiar Dragon Suplex. As Travis kipped to his feet, he caught a boomerang-shaped blast of light out of the corner of his eye as it connected with him, slashing him in seemingly a million different ways. The impact knocked him onto his back.

"Tee hee, that was funny," mused Kyoko as Cloud sauntered over, looking down at Travis.

"Well I'll be damned," Cloud said, a shit-eating grin on his face, " It doesn't slow attacks down, which is good, because if I had to deal with more Witch Time bullshit ."

"Cloudanettaaaaaaa," Kirby sang, not even breaking from judo throwing Incineroar and King K. Rool simultaneously.

"H-hey! I'm not bitter," sputtered Cloud.

Roy and the River City Girls simultaneously covered their mouths to avoid the angry ex-SOLDIER's wrath. Roy spoke first, "Jokes aside Sir Strife, I believe you owe us an explanation for interrupting our duel without so much as a warning,"

Cloud offered his hand to Travis. Travis took it, hopping to his feet. Cloud pulled him in close, so the two were eye to eye, "To tell the young guns something, especially this smart ass. You may be a hell of a fighter. I thought I was when I started here, but Smash is quite unlike anything you've ever dealt with. Things that you wouldn't think are weapons just…are, without any reason or rhyme beyond the person using them. You need to be more vigilant than ever."

Travis' teeth gritted. His initial thoughts were those of defiance, but he paused to consider his situation. A schoolgirl had given a crocodile a Stunner. Leaves and cars were viable weapons. As this thought flashed through his head, his face softened, "Thanks for the advice," he muttered.

Cloud's stone-serious face transformed back into the grin he'd seen before, "It just dawned on you didn't it?" he laughed, finally letting go of Travis' hand.

Travis used his now free hand to sheepishly rub the back of his head, "Yeah…"

"Good, we're makin' progress," said Mario arms contently crossed near the edge of Battlefield, "Don't suppose you'll humor him and Roy with a bit of a sparring session, will you?"

"Not at all sir," said Cloud.

"Girls, get over there and take your lumps with a-Kirby."

Both girls eagerly nodded, jogging over to join Kirby's judo exhibition, all the while mocking King K. Rool for his loud, righteous complaining.

And so, the group trained long into the night. Travis' mind was usually a clear place during a battle, he'd been around long enough to know that any errant thought meant death. Each chip he demoed brought him little comfort as Cloud's advice clawed at him. For every big move, he could pull out as a Smasher, for every big move his opponent could pull out. , there was always someone meaner, more experienced, looking to pull out something bitter. Travis felt the seeping dread overtake him as the thought that this applied to his upcoming battles against Conker's evil forces as much as it did the tournament.

And that's when Cloud broke his guard, drawing a kanji symbol with a blue and yellow after effect. The damage was too much. Travis was sent flying off the stage into the blast zone. The Santa Destroy native could only meekly cry out, He felt a green aura heal his rather nasty sword wounds and patch his shirt in complete darkness. Suddenly, he found himself in the mansion courtyard in the dark of night, his impossibly sweaty training compatriots standing alongside him, and the Mansion a distance away.

"Hoo boy," fretted Mario, "When I said I was a-gonna call it after the first elimination, didn't think it'd take all day,"

Cloud shrugged, "That's my bad. I was so into the swordplay with Travis that I kinda got lost in it,"

Roy nodded, "I must admit the same. Your computer chips are incredible Mister Touchdown!"

Kirby squealed with delight, "Same Mario. I had too much fun throwing around Incineroar and the king!"

"I am not a toy, you fool. I am the great King K. Rool, and you threw me around because I allowed it."

Kirby suddenly looked downcast. Incineroar's gaze snapped over to the pink puffball, "It's okay Kirby! It was a valuable lesson to not underestimate your opponent! I gotta keep training brother!"

Immediately the puffball brightened, "Yay! Training is fun!"

The group headed towards the mansion, the only words between them were compliments of a good fight. Travis as the others entered the mansion. As Travis and Roy were about to cross the threshold of the Mansion together, Roy asked, " What do you plan to do with the rest of your evening Sir Touchdown?"

Travis shrugged, "Might grab a quick bite, then shower."

Roy nodded, "Aye. I was going to shower and then eat. I must look presentable in the dining hall after all!"

"Whatever floats your boat," Travis said with a grin.

Roy grinned back, "I suppose what I'm saying is that we'll cross each other's path, but not see each other until morning. Have a good night my friend! I look forward to seeing you demonstrate those incredible computer chips sooner rather than later."

Travis chuckled as Roy stepped in front of him to enter the Mansion. His fascination with the chips was endearing. Just as Travis went to enter the mansion himself, he felt a hand clasp his shoulder. The assassin wheeled around to see Mario had been standing behind him, fatherly concern in his eyes,

"Were we in your way old man?" chided Travis

Mario shook his head, "Nah, I actually wanted to talk to you privately You doin' alright friend?"

Travis frowned, goosebumps lining his upper arm, "Why do you ask?" he asked, his voice full of a defensive snapping tone.

You seemed a little flustered after your heart to heart with Cloud." Mario explained, seemingly unaffected by Travis' hostility.

The anger in the heart of Santa Destroy's favorite son deflected like a balloon with a beam katana puncture. He grinned down at the portly man, "Just mulling over what he said. I have a lot to think about."

Mario nodded, "It's-a only natural. But I think if you all go in with the right frame of mind, I genuinely think your class of recruits could take this tournament by storm. You've got four days to use any open stages at your leisure. Use it, my friend. Use it," he said, his face turning stern at the last part.

Travis nodded. Mario patted him on the shoulder as he moved past Travis to enter the Mansion. Travis turned briefly, hands on his hips. Sweat had a habit of making a cool night even cooler as if standing contemplatively in a walk-in freezer. Travis sighed, the thoughts of today's training session rudely interrupting the peace, heading back into the Mansion.

(Special thanks to Stuffukins and WhyNoSchut for help on this chapter. Such productive back and forth between authors is possible because of the Super Smash Prose, which is linked in my bio.)

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