Round 1: Palutena vs. Pacman

Smashers Box, Smash Stadium

"Alright! Pacman you're in Tunnel B, Palutena's in Tunnel A."

"Got it!" shouted Palutena, teleporting away.

Pacman meanwhile, only shrugged, chuckled, and began to amble down the tunnel.

Meanwhile, on the TV, Cranky Kong was in full salesmen mode, "Which one of these veteran students of the game will climb the ladder in their second tournament in this match of mutual respect."

"Oh, I hope Lady Palutena can do it! Pacman is one tough customer," Pit fretted in The Smashers Box.

"I hope she loses," muttered Dark Pit, arms crossed.

"Why do you have to be such a child?"

"I'm not being a child, I'm just sick of your puppy love!"

"AY! YOU'RE-A DROWNIN' OUT MY BOY 9-VOLT'S COMMENTARY!" screamed Wario.

An authoritative 'shhh' from Peach silenced the room just as the video package began to play, Palutena on-screen, regally sat on the interview bench.

"As a goddess," she began, "I'm privy to all the goings-on of the multi-verse, just as The Hands were. Thus, I'm familiar with Pacman, probably more than one would assume. Pacman, you're a legend in this industry, but I lost in the first round last time, and I'll be self-damned if I let that happen again. I know all your tricks, but you don't know all of mine."

"Goddess, eh," Pacman shrugged as the footage cut to him on the interview bench, "I mean, Palu's a cool chick, never been nothin' but nice to me, but she isn't the first young'un that's tried to come at me. People seem to forget that I was eatin' ghosts when half these kids were still in diapers, or poppin' teenage zits depending on who you're talkin' about. I've got this."

The transition effect of the Smash Ultimate Tournament's black and white logo clinking together played, and transitioned to a picture in picture. Palutena stood at the tunnel's exit tapping her staff against the ground, while Pacman visibly whistled as he jogged down the hall.

"We've got two supremely cocky assholes in this match. Futaba, what do you think?"

"Cranky, you're gonna get us canceled," hissed 9-Volt.

"Bah! I'm a legend in this business! They could barely afford to pay me! Furthermore, their T-shirts…" Cranky ranted as the camera was now on Futaba's booth, the orange-haired teenager barely suppressing laughter.

Futaba cleared her throat, "As much the retro gaming enthusiast in me wants to say old man Pacman's got it in the bag, I gotta give it to Palutena. She's got a reflector AND a counter! OP AF if you ask me!"

"Alright, thanks Futaba! Let's head down to the arena for entrances."

Pacman's entrance was first, a "Wakka Wakka" sound set to a low-fi beat as the laid back yellow man jogged to the stage from the rightmost tunnel

"Apparently this is from Pacman's new album, what do you think?" 9-Volt asked Cranky.

"Sounds like modern garbage to me," grumbled Cranky.

"Like you could do any better," snapped 9-Volt.

"Boy, I've been dropping weapon of mass destruction level bars since before you were alive."

9-Volt let out a defeated grunt as Palutena made her entrance to the 8-bit version of the Skyworld theme.

"Ah, now that's music to my ears," sighed Cranky.

9-Volt chuckled, "I think that's the one thing we've ever agreed on old man, that chiptune music rules!"

"Yer damn skippy!"

The music faded. As it had done before, the referee began his introductions, "The following contest is the next match in Round 1 of The Ultimate Tournament! The winner of this match will face either Shulk or Robin in the next round. Introducing first, standing to my left, from the Kid Icarus Universe, she is The Goddess of Light, Palutena!"

Amidst the cheers, a regal sounding bugle erupted from the Kid Icarus cheering section.

"The heck? Who brought a bugle in here?" demanded 9-Volt.

"I suppose when you're a goddess, you can get fanfare like that," Cranky reasoned.

"Introducing to my right, from the Pacman Universe, he is the Yellow Bane of Ghosts, Pacman!"

Celebratory, pronounced calls of "Wakka Wakka" eclipsed the usual cheers in volume.

"If Pacman wins the coin toss, the stage will be Pac-Land. If Palutena wins the coin toss it will be Palutena's Temple. Call it!"

"Tails!" barked Palutena as the referee flipped the coin.

The coin landed on the ground, spinning to one side. Heads.

"Heads!" the referee confirmed to the crowd, "Stage will be Pac-Land, two stocks, all items on. Smashers, are you ready?"

Pacman and Palutena both flashed the referee thumbs up, not taking their eyes off one another. Goddess and ghost-eater alike were teleported to Pac-Land.

Rules: 2 Stocks: Items: All Low

Stage: Pac-Land

Music Namco '80s Retro Medley 1

Palutena stepped through a heavenly golden door. Meanwhile, Pacman idly flapped his jaws in his retro jaw form before turning to normal. The two stood in a void, the italicized yellow text of "Ready Player 1! Trip 1!" their only company

3

2

1

GO!

Palutena immediately charged, shoulder checking Pacman with all her might, while Pacman threw a roundhouse kick which barely shook the green-haired goddess. The world around them changed to Pacman's neighborhood, the camera scrolling to the right. As Cranky motored through an explanation of scrolling stages, Pacman opened up his hand, and a row of dots appeared, with only one of the five dots appearing in front of her, the rest behind. Pacman transformed into his retro form, chomping the row of dots. Palutena sidestepped the blow.

"EXPLOSIVE FLAME!" cried Palutena.

Pacman was engulfed by the oncoming explosion. Even still, he had the presence of mind to leap into the air, avoiding the red reticle from Palutena's staff, and the blasts of blue energy that accompanied it. Pacman landed in front of Palutena, lazily using the water pressure from the blast of a nearby fire hydrant to move as he summoned a metal visage of the red ghost Blinky to smack Palutena with, using his retro form to chomp at the ankles of the downed goddess, knocking her into an encroaching blast zone to take the stock!

Palutena: 1

Pacman: 2

"AND JUST LIKE THAT!" bellowed 9-Volt, "PACMAN TAKES A STOCK!"

"It's what can happen if you don't pay attention in these old games," admonished Cranky, "It's why I think games in my day were better!"

Pacman jumped to meet Palutena as she appeared on the revival platform, only to take a face full of shield for his trouble.

"The hell did he do that for?" wondered Cranky.

"Playing fast and aggressive! Pacman has 38 damage, he's confident!" answered 9-Volt.

Pacman was dodging Palutena's aerial attacks now, even going as far as to take to the ground and run away, but stood firm amid a misaimed Explosive Flame.

"That's what we call a juke m'boy!" Cranky cheered.

Pacman took to jumping through the air as he always had, only this time, Palutena met him in the air, spinning her staff above her head at light speed, very nearly sending Pacman to the blast zone, clipping Pacman with a hit from her reticle. Pacman now took to running away with a look of genuine concern on his face.

"Perhaps it was Palutena who was doing the juking old man," 9-Volt smugly rebuked.

A Freezie appeared directly in front of Pacman. As Palutena closed in, jumping down from the roof of a building with an overhead strike with her staff, Pacman lobbed the Freezie in her face, simply shattering on impact due to Palutena's minimal damage. Pacman mouthed, "Shit" under his breath, instinctively throwing a kick, which connected with Palutena's torso, and another. Now both were in the scrolling, looming blast zone.

"He's taking her to the blast zone again," Cranky explained, "He's trying to make this one a clean sweep."

Palutena jumped over Pacman, Pacman leaping over a close up Explosive Flame in turn. Palutena's heavenly wings appeared, clasping down onto Pacman as their path lead them to a forest, sending Pacman into the blast zone!

Palutena: 1

Pacman: 1

"Futaba may have been right, Palutena may be too OP for old man Pacman!" yelled 9-Volt.

"Hey! Never count out an old man!" barked Cranky.

Pacman skipped merrily through the remaining forested path, forcing Palutena to give chase, only for Pacman to start chomping at her in his retro form.

"And back to the blast zone we go!" Cranky cheered.

"WARP!" shouted Palutena.

Palutena appeared on Pacman's opposite side, several steps away. Pacman closed the distance by going into his retro form, following it up with another wallop from the metal Blinky look-alike, sending Palutena to the blast zone.

"WHAT DID I TELL YOU, YOU SNOT NOSED YOUNGSTER? PACMAN STEALS IT LIKE A THIEF IN THE NIGHT!"

"Or a ghost!" 9-Volt quipped.

"If your mama wasn't an actual demon, I'd give you five across the ass hear n' now," grumbled Cranky.

Meanwhile, in the Smash Mansion courtyard, Pacman had flown up briefly in his retro form, only to collapse in his normal form, falling right on his butt, but having enough presence of mind to throw a fist in the air as the splash screen appeared.

"PACMAN WINS!"

As Pacman was waiting 10 seconds to be teleported back, Mister Zero was already interviewing a disappointed looking Palutena.

"How are you feeling aft-?" Mister Zero began.

"I got outplayed in a game of chess, what do you think?" snapped Palutena, teleporting away.

Meanwhile, as soon as Pacman teleported back into Tunnel B, Rita was there, microphone in hand, "Incredible victory! What was the secret to your success?"

"Well, it's real simple Rita, and I hope the young'uns are takin notes," Pacman said coolly, "I don't care who ya fight, goddess, goblin, or ghost, if you control the movement, you control the game. And that's the strategy I intend on taking to the top!"

As Pacman ran away, Rita simply said, "Cranky, 9-Volt, back to you."

The round, yellow man made it up the tunnel easily, where the more affable Smashers were waiting to give their congratulations. Among the broodier Smashers was Palutena, face in hands, while a forlorn-looking Pit gently rubbed her back.

"Alright-a guys, quiet down, we're selecting the next match." Mario called out.

Pacman glanced over to the TV, where the remaining match card graphics whizzed by, stopping on…

"SUBJECT ZERO AND KRYSTAL!" came the simultaneous voices of Cranky and 9-Volt.

The Smash contingent cheered as Subject Zero inserted earbuds, a deep frown on his face, while Krystal bore her fangs for the camera, flipping it off.

"Tunnel A, I got it you prepubescent wank," Krystal sneered at Shulk, heading down her tunnel, while Subject Zero wordlessly inserted his earbuds connected to a worn looking MP3 player, and sulked down Tunnel B.