Round 1
Jak and Daxter vs Ratchet and Clank
"I'm Daxter!" proudly proclaimed the weasel atop a broadened human shoulder.
The human in question, his companion, raised an inquisitive eyebrow.
"What? Didya think I was gonna wait for you to say somethin' Jak?"
Jak shrugged with a smirk on his face, a smirk that only widened when his expression of indifference jostled his mouthy friend's perch atop his arm.
"We're your Battle Royale experts!" cheered Daxter.
"C'mon Dex, be honest with the people," gruffly commanded Jak.
Daxter pouted, sighing, "Alright, technically we lost in a draw to Podunk McBoring and his robot, but we still came out lookin' better."
In something wholly unique, the footage smash cut to a battle between the two, text underneath reading, "Playstation All-Stars Battle Royale Tournament, 2014." Both men, in the midst of a bloody battle, fired equally ridiculous guns at once. Jak was immediately obliterated in the magazine of fire reigned down upon him, but the second before he was, he managed to fire a blue bolt of his weapon, eliminated Ratchet and Clank at the same time.
"Ratchet with the Ryno V and Jak with Peacemaker, and both are eliminated!" crowed the carnival barker voice of Polygon Man.
After a moment of pause, Polygon man spoke up again, "I'm declaring this match a draw! Sly Cooper gets a bye!"
The boos of the crowd, which sounded like less than 100 people echoing amongst a professional basketball arena, caused Polygon to shout, "YOU DON'T LIKE WHAT YOU LIKE, YOU LIKE WHAT I TELL YOU TO LIKE DAMN IT!" before the footage cut away.
Back to the present, Nikki interrupted, "But it goes deeper than that. Ratchet and Clank gave me this little piece of footage.
The camera's focus cut again, this time to gritty security cam footage, once again labeled '2014,' where Ratchet remarked to Jak, "I just think mac and cheese isn't objectively good food."
In the blink of an eye, Daxter had scampered across the cafeteria table, lunging at Ratchet, Jak dove across the table to retrieve his companion, while Clank took the opportunity to rain down hammerfists across the subdued Daxter's back before he was pulled away by Jak.
" I would prefer if you told the truth in these interviews," snapped Nikki, sounding cross.
"Did they show you the time we beat them in golf?" Jak blurted.
Nikki took an audible sip out of a bottle of water, "Interesting, no they didn't."
Jak took a crumpled piece of paper out of one of his many pockets. It was an old golf scorecard, marked "Hot Shots Golf Tournament 2003. Highlighted, near the middle of the pack, was the name "Ratchet in the overall standings. At the top, circled, was the name "Jak".
"So what we're sayin' is," Daxter yelled as Jak presented the scorecard to the camera, "We've beat 'em before, and we'll beat 'em again. C'mon Jak, I wanna catch a nap before this transport leaves,"
Jak shrugged, "Any more questions Nikki?"
"Nope!"
Jak nodded and the duo walked out, Daxter already starting to curl into a ball on Jak's shoulder.
The camera cut to Cranky Kong and 9-Volt behind the now-infamous commentary desk, "So, what did you think of that interview by Ratchet and Clank," asked the yellow-helmeted boy.
Cranky waved a hand dismissively, "Boring. These days, you can't just be a generic hero. You gotta have spunk. As much crap as I give my boy Donkey, for example, the one thing he has in spades is personality,"
"And you've been playable in how many 3D games?" 9-Volt asked, a smirk tugging at his face.
"Quiet you," snapped Cranky, "Throw to the nerd!"
A disgruntled-looking Futaba appeared on screen next.
"Thanks, Cranky," she growled, "Anyway, I vote Jak and Daxter. I think a lot of people get the wrong idea about those two, especially considering Daxter is…how he is, but Jak's got way more power in the arsenal than Ratchet and Clank do!"
"Alright," 9-Volt nodded, "Let's throw down to entrances,"
Heroic, adventurous orchestral music began to play as Ratchet, propelled by Clank, who had transformed into a metallic winged jetpack. Waving at fans of all shapes and sizes who pounded at the barrier to touch the duo, he flew to centerstage.
"And a dynamic entrance by Ratchet and Clank, using the theme of their movie as entrance music."
"Superstardom on the silver screen may get them into the exclusive clubs of Planet Kerwan's Metropolis, but only guts and grit will get them to the next round of Super Smash Brothers Ultimate."
The music changed to pounding bongo drums, Jak atop a hoverboard, while Daxter mimed surfing on his shoulder.
"A bit of a mix of old and new school here, as they're entering to an ancient folk song about their homeland, Sandover Village, but obviously shredding air on a top of the line hoverboard."
"If they're gonna do that, they could've come out to some Del the Funky Homosapien, like decent people."
In response, 9-Volt could only tilt his head in utter shock.
"What? You'd grow to love early 2000s skateboarding music too if you lived with Funky Kong," snapped the pissed primate.
Mills Frames spoke as soon as the duo dismounted the hoverboard. ""The following contest is a Round 1 Match in the Super Smash Bros Ultimate tournament! Introducing first, in the corner to my left. They represent the Jak and Daxter universe and come to us from PlayStation All-Stars Battle Royale. They are the Precursor Pugilists, JAK AND DAXTER!"
Jak gave his most formal, inoffensive wave to the crowd, while Daxter motored through a series of exaggerated muscle poses.
"And introducing in the corner to my right. They come to us from the Ratchet and Clank universe, also representing PlayStation All-Stars Battle Royale. They are the Quelchers of Qwark, they are RATCHET AND CLANK!"
Ratchet briefly raised his trusty wrench to the air in acknowledgment of the crowd. The crowd reaction was unanimous cheering, but, like with their opponents before them, the reaction was overwhelmingly composed with the screams of women.
"Now," Mills boomed.
The crowd fell silent, not wanting to miss a thing.
"If Jak and Daxter win the coin toss, the stage will be Sandover Village. However, if Ratchet and Clank win the coin toss, the stage will be Metropolis. Call it guys, heads or tails,"
Mills flipped the coin into the air.
"HEADS!" screamed Daxter.
"Heads!" confirmed Mills.
"YEAH! THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKIN' BOUT!" Daxter cheered, ruffling Jak's head, much to the tall elven man's bemusement.
"So the stage is Sandover Village. Two stocks. Items medium. Smashers, are you ready?"
Jak extended a hand to Ratchet, who shook it. Daxter, meanwhile, used the gesture of interconnection as a bridge, pointing a stubby finger at Ratchet, and unleashing such a profanity-filled tirade, the only words within suitable for TV being "Macaroni and cheese"
"Talk about a one-sided rivalry," huffed Cranky.
"It's like you with the passage of time," 9-Volt chided.
Cranky opened his mouth to protest, his finger ready to waggle disapprovingly, but he stopped, "No, you know what, you're completely right."
As 9-Volt cackled victoriously, the two greatest duos in gaming were teleported away.
Stage: Sandover Village
Rules: 2 stocks, Items Medium
Music: Sandover Village
Both duos flew in, Jak and Daxter on a hovercar, Ratchet via Clank's winged form.
3
2
1
GO!
Immediately, Jak flew into the cabin that marked the rightmost end of the stage, shutting the door. Ratchet didn't waste any time, bolting to the cabin, flinging open its old wooden door and finding,..nothing.
"Clank, perimeter sc-"
Ratchet barely got the words out before Jak and Daxter sprung up from the floor, a jumping uppercut already in motion. Between the shock and the calamity of the flying wooden barbs of what was formally floor, Ratchet was fish in a barrel as fist connected with jaw. Before Ratchet could even shake off the pain, a sliding lunging punch was pancaked in his chest, sending him through the wooden door, Expecting the primitive façade to break as the floor had, the violent whiplash when it only swung open was just the latest thing on an ever-mounting list of unpleasant surprises. Fight or flight responses mounting already, Ratchet swung at Jak a few times with his ever-present wrench. The blows, which in the past had felled the burliest of Blarg Troopers, only caused Jak a mild inconvenience. Blood slashing across both cheeks, Jak only turned his head, staring down Ratchet, a smirk on his face. In one fluid motion, Jak spun, mightily slapping Ratchet. As he did, Daxter closed the cabin door behind him. Grabbing a stunned Ratchet by the shoulders, pinning him against the door, the furry mammal was assaulted with a barrage of punches and knees.
"Recalibrating defense strategy," Clamk announced.
"See, that's what we figured, that if we trained with you all with long-range combat, you wouldn't know what to do if we closed the gap," chided Daxter as the beatdown from his partner continued.
"Subterfuge between training partners! You love to see it," Cranky bellowed.
"Maybe you do.." muttered a less-than-impressed 9-Volt.
Then, quicker than either the crowd, commentators, or the dominant half of the combatants could process, Ratchet whipped out an industrial-looking, metal gun. Quickly pulling the trigger, the vacuum noises began, drawing Jak and Daxter in before swallowing them in the barrel entirely. Shooting the clot of humanity into the air. Ratchet whipped out another gun, this one with a laser sight. Ratchet barely even expended a breath as he raised the gun to his flying target, taking a single shot. Jak's body lurched in the air, before shifting to land on his knees on the descent. Ratchet couldn't believe his eyes. Jak was…smiling.
"Maybe the All-Stars fight wasn't a fluke after all Dax."
"You ain't kiddin'. Thought it was Precursor season out there," Daxter wheezed, his eyes wide with shock.
"So, Ratchet? Wanna do it for real?" called the goatee-adorned rebel.
"Thought you'd never ask."
With that friendly proclamation, the shootout began. The sulfurous smell of Ratchet's multi-missile weapon, the Warmonger tangoed with the smell of hot metal as Jak fired his Needle Blaster. Missiles and blue barbs of energy danced in the air as the two bobbed and weaved to avoid the frenzy fired upon them. The moment came when both men's strategy cracked, each taking a hit from the other weapon. Ratchet simply pulled back towards the cabin, while Jak had the misfortune of nearly being knocked off the stage. Jak was a tough cookie though, flipping up and heading for them, much to Ratchet's chagrin.
"Clank! The door!" barked Ratchet.
"On it," the robot confirmed.
Unlatching for Ratchet's back, just as his gun-wielding compatriot tossed him his wrench, the tiny robot caught the construction tool without even turning to watch it fly through the air. In two strikes, executed with the precision that only a machine was capable of, the door's hinges were smashed apart. As Clank reattached himself Ratchet wheeled around just as the door fell from its position, flipping it sideways with both arms, and running towards the onslaught of yellowed Peacemaker blasts that were headed their way. Just as Ratchet's improvised weapon was about to make contact with Jak's skull, he heard the charging of something, mechanical and explosive. Ratchet could only curse as he dropped the door frame, jumping back to avoid the mighty crimson blast of the fully charged Wave Concussor. Ratchet had barely landed on the ground when he heard the sound of a hoverboard, and then nothing. Ratchet looked up just in time to feel Jak's forearm connect with his jaw.
"Never thought we'd see a hoverboard assisted clothesline!" 9-Volt cheered.
"Anything can happen in Super Smash Brothers!" agreed Cranky.
Ratchet's vision was blurry, but he knew Daxter's incessant showboating when he saw it. The varmint moonwalked across Jak's shoulders while priming yet another ollie off of the broken door. Ratchet stood, feigning stumbling, and falling to his behind. The warrior on the hoverboard's unblinking stare was now accompanied by a smirk. It took everything in Ratchet's body not to mirror the gesture as he stumbled to his feet. Again, Jak ramped off the door, but this time, Ratchet was ready. Quickly wielding the Sonic Disruptor, a deceptively comedic gun with an orange monster face as a barrel. Jak could only gasp in shock as the creature belched so loudly the sound pushed Jak and Daxter further off stage. With a carnal scream, Ratchet leaped into the air, smacking them down into the blast zone with his wrench, the force of the mighty blow knocking the other duo into the blast zone as well.
Ratchet and Clank: 1
Jak and Daxter: 1
"Unbelievable," Cranky screamed to the cheers of Smash Stadium, "Our first double knockout of the tournament!"
The greatest duos in Sony history dropped from the revival platform,
"Alright, no more games, no more draws," huffed Jak, "It's just you and…
Both men saw it at the same time, a piece of the Dragoon, its large ornate frame appearing from nowhere. Diving towards it, Ratchet managed to get it first but Jak's punches pried it from his invisible inventory. Back and forth the two went, grabbing the body of the legendary air ride machine, only for it to be stolen away a few strikes later. Eventually, a second piece appeared one of the spears on its front. Much as the first stock had gone, the two bobbed and weaved out of gunfire. Whether it be the lightning of Jak's Arc Eruptor, or the mere constant trash-talking of Ratchet and Clank's robot assistant Mister Zurkon as he lobbed yellow laser bolts from the gun on his underside, both men pummeled their opponents collecting pieces of the legendary ship. When the gunfire lulled out of exhaustion for both adventures Jak had both pieces now, but the third piece, a second spear, was easily acquired by Ratchet and Clank via a simple step backward. That's what he thought anyway until the grinding of a saucer-like object came into his line of sound. Looking up, a yellow tractor beam pulled both him and Clank upward. Much to Ratchet's horror, Jak took the opportunity to charge up a full peacemaker blast. Ratchet had seen the weapon level Big Daddy of all people.
"This…is gonna hurt," the hero winced.
And sure enough, it did. His entire body convulsed in pain as he flopped to the floor, allowing Jak to swipe up the last piece of the Dragoon. The machine assembled itself right before them, Jak and Daxter crouching on top of it as it took flight. Just out of shooting range, the duo lingered, flying horizontally as to aim their swooping flight path. Every muscle in his body throbbed. This was it.
Two middle fingers in the air from the ever-defiant mechanic-turned adventurer as the velocity of a space shit drove itself into his chest. He was out.
"GAME!"
In the middle of the mansion courtyard. Jak pumped his fist, while Daxter slam-dunked a Precursor orb into the larger one's backpack, both friends smiling at the camera
"JAK AND DAXTER WIN!"
Ratchet and Clank clapped, Clank's robotic jaw clenched in true fury, while Ratchet had a bemused on his face. Rita ran up to them, "What happened out there?"
Clank opened his mouth to speak, but Ratchet instinctively covered it, "Look I'm sure Clank could tell you all the stats, but the fact of the matter is we're two equally talented individuals, and he happened to win this time. He earned it. Master Chief, Chun-Li, I hope you're ready because Jak and Daxter haven't even scraped the surface of what they can do."
"An ominous warning from Ratchet," Rita explained as the futuristic duo walked off-camera, "Mister Zero?"
"I'm here with the winners…" Mister Zero said from the opposite tunnel.
"A GOOD GRILLED CHEESE MAKES THE WORLD GO ROUND! WE WIN, YOU LOSE, IN YA FACE!" Daxter cheered.
"What Daxter means to say is," Jak began, rolling his eyes, "They put up a good fight, but realistically this tournament is ours to win."
"YEAH!" Daxter agreed with such volume that it clipped Mister Zero's mic.
Shaking his head, Jak walked off camera, Daxter in tow. When they walked through the door to the applause of the Smashers Box, Ratchet was already there waiting for them.
"Good fight man," Ratchet breathed heavily, sticking his clawed hand out.
Jak returned the gesture, "Yeah man, you too."
"Yes, I must agree with Ratchet," nodded Clank as he dismounted from Ratchet's back, unfolding to a standing position on the floor, "Your strategy was optimal Weas. I mean Daxter."
"Ha! He knows my name! We made improvements!" whooped Daxter.
As Jin, Yoshimitsu, and Sly applauded, the rest of the Smashers broke out in applause as well.
"Thank ze Stars we won't have to listen to these two jerkwads bitch the whole rest of the tournament," Wario bellowed through his applause, receiving curt nods of agreement from the nearby Porky and Akechi.
The room hushed on its own as the randomizer flipped through the rest of the available matches.
"JOKER VERSUS PIRANHA PLANT!" Cranky and 9-Volt dueted the announcement.
DLC broke out in raucous cheers, chanting Joker's name. Suavely, Joker spun on his heel, putting his hand out. The rest of the gang put their hands on top of the pile, cheering "DLC!" as they broke in a flurry of triumphant cheers and waving, flailing departures of hands. Meanwhile, Bowser Junior was aggressively rubbing the head of Piranha Plant as it salivated and growled, a fanged grin on its face.
"Alright," Mario announced, "Junior, send the plant down Tunnel A. Phantom Thieves, you're down Tunnel B."
Junior simply pointed down the tunnel, and the sentient, snarling plant lurched in that direction. Futaba seemingly popped into existence, having teleported from her desk, following the Phantom Thieves, all dressed in matching tracksuits sans Joker, marched down Tunnel B.
(AN: Again, sorry for the delay. Playstation All-Stars Battle Royale is a really hard source to gain any kind of fluidity from, had to really borrow from other inspirations to get it right. The next couple of chapters should be far easier as I'm sticking to ones I have simmed in Ultimate for a while, so we should have a consistent update schedule for at least four days. Again, thank you to all who've been reading despite this being in the doldrums of the archives because of my lack of updates. Please read and review!)