Round 1
Erdrick vs. Banjo-Kazooie
Erdrick's introduction pose flashed first, simply putting his hand to his chin.
"Hello, My name is Erdrick, and my opponent is Banjo-Kazooie."
"DLC, or Dudes Living Courageously, has been frequently seen in the training room together. How does it feel knowing you'll face someone in that makeshift training camp in Banjo-Kazooie?" asked the inquisitive Nikki
"On one hand, I'm relieved that my first few opponents are people I've trained with, as I know them very well. On the other hand, I can't deny that I feel somewhat…hesitant about potentially snuffing out their dreams of riches and fame."
Erdrick was silent, expression downcast, clearly in thought. Suddenly, he snapped back to his senses.
"But I must cast that aside," he proclaimed, "With the expectations of the other Blessed Heroes upon me, and my variety of magic spells, this is my tournament to lose."
"Alright. Any Smashers you're looking forward to fighting."
"Zelda, The Belmonts, and Robin," matter of factly stated Erdrick, "To test my skill against these heroes would be an honor."
The screen abruptly cut to Banjo's introduction video, a simple three-second clip of him marching in place, and then taking a bow while Kazooie popped out of his backpack.
"Oh, they know who we are," snobbily began Kazooie as she and Banjo were interviewed.
"It's protocol," Nikki growled.
"Anyway, be nice to the nice lady!" Banjo whined.
"B-but," Kazooie whined back, "We're gaming legends and…"
Silent glares from Banjo (and presumably Nikki) met Kazooie's hanging maw.
"Fine," she grunted.
"Okay then! I'm Banjo!"
"And I'm Kazooie," Kazooie said with no enthusiasm.
"And we're Banjo-Kazooie," the two said with wildly opposing vigor.
"So, as I asked Erdrick, Dudes Living Courageously is a very tight faction. How does it feel fighting one of your own in the tournament?"
There was an uncomfortable pause, Banjo actually looked guilty, in deep thought. Kazooie, in contrast, was vibrating, wings clenched.
"Uh…well you see, Erdrick's a nice guy, and I'm really lookin' forward to fight-"
"FUCK 'EM!"
More silence, this time out of shock from Kazooie's outburst.
"Well…uh…I mean," Banjo stammered,
"Uh…" Nikki blubbered.
"Ya know what, there's no recoverin' this. I'm sorry," Banjo said, the skin not covered by fur flush with embarrassment.
Banjo fumbled as he stood to leave. Just before they were out of camera range, Kazooie shrieked, "He's got a million moves, but ain't got nothin' on that Scrimbo Bimbo style."
"Kazooie, would you stop trying to incorporate Smash memes into our thing here? It's embarrassing," whined Banjo, so loudly that he could be heard crystal clear from off-camera
"Scrimbo bimbooooo." Kazooie dramatically screamed as the sound of a door shutting abruptly ended the interview.
The cut back to the commentator's desk painted two starkly different pictures. 9-Volt was shifting uncomfortably in his seat. Cranky, on the other hand, was reclined back in his seat, shaking and wheezing from laughter.
"That was...um…certainly a thing that Kazooie said," said the boy with the helmet.
"IT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN SAYING ALL ALONG BOY! NOTHIN' BEATS SOME BRITISH DEVELOPED PLATFORMER MAGIC!"
"British dev-"
"It's best you don't encourage him," interrupted Futaba, as the screen cut to her, "Call it nationalism, call it whatever you want, but I gotta go with Erdrick. Not to say that I don't love a good trek into Gruntilda's lair every now and again, but Dragonquest is my jam bruh!"
9-Volt's opened his mouth to say more, but the clopping of horse hooves killed whatever he was going to say in his throat.
"Is that... a horse?" balked Cranky in disgust.
Sure enough, upon a white horse, burst Erdrick from the tunnel. Leaping off the horse, striking an invisible opponent, and landing on his feet, only then did the "Adventure" theme begin to play.
"Ahhh," 9-Volt sighed as a Wire Frame ran on stage to lead the horse to the back, "Classic orchestra JRPG music."
"Eh," Cranky groaned dismissively, "I prefer the MIDI version myself."
Just as Erdrick began to pose for the crowd, flicking back his spikey hair, much to the delight of the male form appreciating fans earlier…
A single, three cord strum played over the house mic, stopping everything.
"Hello, we are Banjo-Kazooie," Kazooie's voice crowed as she and Banjo walked through the tunnel entrance, "And you're gonna remember this forever."
More feverishly, but still, with an ambling, lazy demeanor, Banjo began to strum on his Banjo mid-step.
" "Mushroom Kingdom to Hyrule," Kazooie sang, "Kongo Jungle to Mobius,"
Banjo's banjo playing changed more in line with Kazooie's song. Erdrick raised an eyebrow. Had they practiced this?
"Tokyo to Alihan, down to Kanto,"
Erdrick's once inquisitive brow now furrowed.
"Galar to Mute City, Couldn't get much worse," Kazooie said, smirking at the last line.
The laughter of some of the snarkier members of the crowd was quickly drowned out by booing. Banjo winced, but continued to play, now standing eye-to-eye with Erdrick.
"Every time I see you people, it feels like I've been cursed. Can't even describe the ignorance I saw. You tried to replace us with a chameleon and a bat, what the hell is that?"
Now the boos were so thunderous the adventurer could barely hear himself think.
"You've got your stupid spells, but well, "Wonder Wing is the hottest new thing," Kazooie finished.
As lightly as he could Erdrick shoved Banjo, before turning away to raise his arms in victory to the crowd. The crowd cheered but booed as Mills Frames materialized, pulling the combatants apart.
"The following contest," Mills began, "Is a first-round match in the Super Smash Brothers Ultimate Tournament, the winner facing either Edelgard or Terry in the next round. Introducing first, in the corner to my left. He comes to us from the Dragon Quest universe. He is the Legendary Hero, he is Erdrick!"
The spiky-haired hero pumped his fist as his purple cape flopped in the wind.
"Introducing, in the corner to my right," Mills said to a smattering of boos, "They come to us from the Mario universe, they are the Laid Back Animals, Banjo and Kazooie."
Banjo simply waved to the boos. Kazooie meanwhile, shrieked, "I'll freakin' sing again if you guys don't shaddap."
More boos, but Mills spoke up nonetheless, "If Erdrick wins the coin toss, the stage will be Yggdrasil's Altar. If Banjo and Kazooie win the coin toss, the stage will be Spiral Mountain. Smashers, call it."
As soon as Mills flipped the coin, Kazooie drew Banjo's attention over some petty argument or another, Erdrick took the chance to strike, "Tails!" he shouted.
"Heads!" replied Mills.
Erdrick bit his lip as the bear and bird duo celebrated. There was so little to Spiral Mountain, but there was even less to the Altar, thus making it Erdrick's preferred battlefield.
"Smashers are you ready?" asked Mills.
Erdrick blinked. Had he been so aloof he had missed Mills' instructions? Sighing, he nodded.
As with so many others before them, they were whisked away from Smash Stadium.
Stage: Spiral Mountain
Rules: 2-stock, Items Medium
Music: Main Theme (Banjo-Kazooie) (Smash remix)
3
Erdrick appeared with no fanfare, simply raising his sword in triumph.
2
Banjo stepped through a Jiggy-shaped portal, mimicking their intro video pose.
1
Kazooie mouthed off some more. Erdrick paid it no mind,
GO!
Erdrick simply put his hand to his chin in faux thought. Immediately Kazooie began to flap her wings, bellowing so loudly she could be heard from across the stage.
"Aw shoot Banjo! He's gonna use the OP magical bullshit already!"
"Well, we can't have that! Ride like the wind Kazooie."
In a motion so fluid Erdrick surmised the duo must have done it a million times, Banjo flipped onto Kazooie's back, the bird carrying the bear and a charge towards him. Just as the duo rolled to collide with him, Erdrick used the parry technique Terry had taught them all, channeling his chi to block the blow. Slashing the noisy pair with his blade thrice, they were sent flying through the air. However, a green circle appeared underneath them, and the duo confidently hung in the air.
"WEEEEEE!" they shouted together as they blasted off.
As Erdrick expected, the two landed on the platform that ambled above them. Jumping up to meet them, the opponents exchanged sword strikes and bear claw swipes, each dancing around the other's blows. Erdrick's most simple lightning spell knocked the duo asunder, to the center stage, a second one sent them reeling even further. Erdrick raised his sword to summon a third blast of lightning to his sword, but Kazooie interrupted that with a quick draw blast of an egg. The hero winced. Despite being eggs, the blasted things were hard as stone.
Erdrick snapped back to reality just in time to step back from Banjo-Kazooie's most bizarre tandem attack, Banjo slamming Kazooie on the ground like a bludgeoning weapon. As soon as the bird's deceptively durable frame collided with the ground, Erdrick ran forward to close the distance. However, Banjo had enough time to put the bird back in his backpack and repeat the motion again, this time striking an unready Erdrick. Stopping his flying momentum and jump forward to make contact with Banjo and Kazooie was all for naught, as Kazooie brought down her mighty wings to slam Erdrick into the ground, bouncing him into the air again. Erdrick jumped back to the idling wooden platform. Immediately he began to ponder what spells he could use from this position. Suddenly, it came to him.
"OOMPH!" called Erdrick.
With a flash of brilliant light, a bright red aura enveloped him. Leaping down from the platform, Kazooie's frame once again struck him as Erdrick's blade struck Banjo's shoulder. Whereas Erdrick felt himself flying through the air and falling down the mountain, Banjo only staggered. As another stone-like egg pelted Erdrick, he closed his eyes, concentrating all the magic force he could into his next spell.
"WOOSH!"
Erdrick was propelled upward by a mighty and chaotic whirlwind, and even then, it only barely worked, as the hero of legend had to grasp onto the edge of the mountain.
"Wow! And a dynamic save by Erdrick, perhaps the most dynamic we've ever seen!" 9-Volt announced.
"He could've touched his toes with the blast zone!" shrieked Cranky.
. Kazooie fired eggs as Banjo stood on all fours, likely to keep the distance to their liking. He'd have to time this just right.
He jumped, first into the air, then off of Banjo's backpack the second his toes touched down upon it. The millisecond of added weight and Kazooie's squawk of pain caused Banjo to turn around, completely unprepared for the volley of sword slices that awaited him. As the duo was knocked into the air, Erdrick cast a simple fireball, which, somehow, was blocked by the reappearance of the green circular jumping platform. Erdrick attempted a second fireball as they landed, but that was blocked by Kazooie's newly golden wings as the duo vaulted towards him with the ferocity of a hungry dragon, smacking into him with just as much force.
"And there's the Wonder Wing," called 9-Volt, "Can Erdrick survive this one?"
Erdrick sucked in a desperate gulp of air as the world around them began to pivot, with Spiral Mountain as its gravitational center. A Woosh spell later, and Erdrick now stood on the beginning of the path down the mountain. As Kazooie ran Banjo towards his position, Erdrick stabbed upward. The duo rolled backward, grabbing a Fire Bar that had just appeared as they did.
"THWACK!" called Erdrick as he jumped up from the path.
An orb of dark energy lazily floated towards the duo as they began to step forward with the Fire Bar. With a shriek fit for the deepest bowels of Hell, the blast connected with Banjo's chest, freezing the duo stiff and eliminating them from the playing field for the stock.
Erdrick: 2
Banjo and Kazooie:1
"And just like that, Erdrick takes one!" bellowed 9-Volt.
"No fair," snapped Cranky Kong, "In my day, we didn't have one hit KO moves! That stuff was reserved for bosses to extend playtime!"
"Yeah, artificially," quipped 9-Volt.
"Young people today! No respect for the classics!" grumbled Cranky Kong.
Banjo dropped down from the revival platform just as Erdrick grabbed the fire bar. The sword-wielder stepped back, the bridge to Gruntilda's Lair now behind him. Kazooie's eyes narrowed in mistake.
Big mistake bozo, the Breegul hissed inwardly.
Casting a look down at Banjo, he nodded. Kazooie put her wings out as they turned to gold. Banjo charged forward, as yet another Wonder Wing connected, this time for the stock.
Erdrick: 1
Banjo and Kazooie: 1
"Wow! We're even, outta nowhere!" babbled 9-Volt.
"And that boy is how it's done," Cranky Kong said, smugness dripping from every word.
Banjo grabbed the Fire Bar, barely waiting for Erdrick to step off the revival platform as he and Kazooie bolted towards Erdrick.
"KABOOM!" Erdrick shouted.
Before the duo could even think, they were engulfed in an explosion. Before they could so much as be sent flying, Erdrick had decided his next course of action.
"SIZZLE!"
"A quick volley by Erdrick," 9-Volt shouted as the smaller, yet meatier fire blast erupted around Banjo and Kazooie.
"This is what he needs to do," Cranky lectured loudly, "Much as I think his spells are a crutch for novices to lean on, this is clearly what brought him to the dance. Can he keep it up?"
Meanwhile, Erdrick had been hopping around lumbering Fire Bar swings from Banjo, finally putting an end to the nonsense by bringing his sword down upon Banjo's head mid-jump, following it up with his tried-and-true three slash sword combination. As the duo collapsed and rolled away, Erdrick gave chase, jumping into the air, hoping to bring his sword down upon them with extra momentum. A Breegul beak peck at Erdrick's. Now the Legendary Hero was the one rolling away, just barely avoiding an odd sliding attack from the duo with the Fire Bar. Out of desperation, Erdrick kicked Banjo in the snout. The bear let out a pained grunt.
How the tables have turned, though Erdrick with a grin.
"OOMPH!" he called.
Just as the red aura enveloped him, his muscles surging with this familiar power, Banjo and Kazooie bowled into him with Wonder Wing. Just as his vision went temporarily wonky from the impact, the world flashed, and Erdrick could see the colors of the Final Smash ambling around in the air. The cobwebs cleared just as Banjo swung with the Fire Bar, which Erdrick prevented with a quick lightning spell. Unfortunately, that brought Banjo within striking distance of the Smash Ball. Clubbing at it with his forearm with all his might. Erdrick attempted the same running jumping strike he had earlier, this time on the Smash Ball. However, the squirrely thing slipped away, leaving him to be drilled by Kazooie's spinning beak. Erdrick readied his sword to lay into the magical ball of energy that floated between him and his duo of opponents, but Banjo casually tossed the Fire Bar into the air, flame connecting with the Smash Ball, the energy cascading to him and Kazooie.
"MAGIC BUR-"
Before Erdrick could get the words out, a statue sprouted out of the ground and collided with him. The sky around Spiral Mountain darkened as the odd statue came to life, guided by a rainbow of creatures the same as the statue, colliding into Erdrick with greater speed than anything he had ever experienced. A final, stabbing thrust with the giant statue was enough to send him to the blast zone.
"GAME!"
Happily playing their musical instruments and skipping around, the final jump and accompanying splash screen announced the obvious.
"BANJO AND KAZOOIE WIN!"
Erdrick gleefully clapped in the split-screen, his screen slowly becoming the entire screen.
"Erdrick, you had the battle in hand and then you lost. What happened out there?" inquired Erdrick.
"Well, I wanted to do something less obvious and keep my spells to a minimum but look what that got me. I guess Smash is 50 percent luck and 50 percent skill…" Erdrick began to ramble but was cut off.
"No no no no NO!" squawked Kazooie as she and Banjo walked into shot, "You're selling yourself short kiddo. You kept steady even when I was mouthin' off, and when it came down to the fight, you gave me 'an Banjo a run for our money. Hell, if you'd have hit that Magic Burst business, I woulda been a turkey dinner, and Banjo woulda been a rug somewhere!"
Banjo nodded in agreement, "Yeah!"
"Thanks, that means a lot to-"
"But, if a guy this good can fall to his Scrimbo Bimbo style, what does the mean for the rest of ya? We've been doing this platforming stuff for just as long as some of the veterans, we're gonna Jinjonate yer asses," ranted Kazooie into the camera.
Banjo sighed, "That's…that's what the statue is called. The Mighty Jinjjonator."
"Ah," Erdrick chuckled, "Already given up on dissuading the Scrimbo Bimbo nonsense?"
"Trust me, it's just easier to let her have her way sometimes."
"What are you yammering about?" whined Kazooie, pecking Banjo on the head, "C'mon boys, our adoring public awaits."
Banjo's arm over Erdrick's shoulder, the three walked up the tunnel. When they entered the tunnel, DLC was waiting for them, prompting them to trust fall into their waiting arms just as Joker had done the previous match. Banjo and Kazooie jumped into the pile outstretched hands just as Joker had, the large group holding them aloft. When Banjo was helped to his feet by a massive forward push from the odd gang, they beckoned Erdrick to do the same. With a shrug, the purple-caped young man did. When he left the trust fall of congratulation, he was immediately surrounded by the projectile users, Ness, Lucas, and both child Links, and Robin beckoning him all at once to teach them what he knew. Similarly, a clique of the remaining Rare Archipelago contingent congregated to congratulate Banjo and Kazooie.
The sound of the randomizer starting on TV silenced the room, eventually flipping to...
"INCINEROAR VS. ISABELLE!" came the simultaneous voices of Cranky and 9-Volt.
Snickers emanated from the villains as Isabelle skipped up to the front of the room, while Incineroar marched up, flexing the whole way.
"Incineroar you go up a Tunnel A. Isabelle, you're in Tunnel B."
"Oh!" Isabelle cheerily chirped, holding out a paw, "Good luck Mister Roar."
Incineroar sneered down at the dog, his nostrils letting out a jet of flame as he huffed.
"Whatever jabroni," he grumbled, pushing past her and exiting the room.
Isabelle stared wide-eyed for a second, before shrugging and skipping down the door to Tunnel A.