Round 1

Dante vs Sly Cooper

First came Dante, his prerecorded visage shrugging, a listless smirk on his face.

"Hey, how's it goin'? I'm Dante." cooly announced the slouching Devil Hunter as he sat in the interview chair.

"What do you think of your opponent, Sly Cooper."

As he had in his match graphic, Dante shrugged, "Kid's fast, resourceful gave my much-maligned alternate self, the man that they call Dontay, a run for his money."

"Wouldn't you remember that?" asked Nikki, "With the between-dimensions nature of Smash?"

"That's what I was wondering when the PS All-Stars crew started talking about him, but that clunky 80s toy ROB says we're two completely different people."

"How does that work?" Nikki wondered.

"The way Sans explains it is there's too much genetic difference for us to connect on the interdimensional plane while I'm here. He says that's why most of us don't remember every alternate reality applied to us, just a few. In fact, he's one of the only ones that's aware of every version of him out there. Poor bastard."

"We're getting off-topic," shivered Nikki, "Anyone you're looking forward to fighting?"

"Well, beyond Vergil," Dante explained, "Travis is in the same section of the bracket as us, and he's my main bro along with Sans. Speaking of him, a fight with him'd be a dream."

"Well, dreams do come true, and I'm sure the fans are believing too. Thanks for your time Dante."

"Anything for you," Dante winked, sauntering off camera.

Sly's match graphic was next, crouched, giving the "I'm watching you" gesture to the camera. Now, he was in the interview hot seat.

"My name's Sly Cooper, and my opponent is Dante."

"How do you feel about fighting him? He's up there in terms of most powerful Smashers, so say the training logs anyway."

Sly nodded, "Yeah, I've gotten my ass whupped a few times, but I've fought giant gods, monoliths and I've been staying one step ahead of the police since before I could walk. Dante's no problem."

"Anyone you're looking forward to fighting?"

"Well, other than the rest of the PS Allstar crew, I'm looking forward to fighting the new guys Jin and Yoshimitsu. They've more than proven themselves PS All-stars in training, but I can't wait to see what they can do against me when the score's on the line. Joker and Sheik seem like two people directly up my alley too. Also, Krystal reminds me of my girlfriend in the best and worst ways, but that my friend, is neither here nor there."

"Alright," Nikki announced, "Time's up! Thanks for your time!"

In a single frame, Sly was gone.

"Ha, fast isn't he?" mused 9-Volt, the eyes of the multiverse now on the commentator's position.

"He's gonna need it to avoid all of Dante's new-fangled character-action game moves."

"Hey!" came the indignant squeak of 9-Volt, "That character-action stuff is what might win him the tournament."

"Banana Bird, I hope not," grumbled Cranky.

"Well, it's not up to us to make those predictions. Futaba?"

"Sorry old man," a smirking Futaba was now on screen, "But Dante's gonna win the "jackpot!" Nyeh heh heh heh!"

"Mother of God," both commentators moaned, facepalming simultaneously, 9-Volt pointed to the glass behind him, cueing entrances as he cried out in pain from the pun.

Immediately, the shredding guitars of the DMCV version of Devil's Never Cry began to boom over the Smash Stadium sound system. Like a bat out of hell, Dante jetted out aboard a jagged black motorcycle, its neon pink headlight shining brightly even in the afternoon sun. Skidding to a stop, he casually stepped off the bike. Snapping his fingers, the bike disappeared, Rebellion, his trusty sword, appearing in his hands.

"Woah," sighed 9-Volt.

"Bah, you've seen one super cool anime boy, you've seen 'em all. At least he's going up against some scrimbo bimbo with some class!" Cranky crowed.

"Trying to get in on the copyright with Banjo and Kazooie huh?" 9-Volt smirked.

"Hustle boy, that's all it is," the Kong smirked right back.

Plodding, sneaking music paired first with synth, then classical instruments began to play as Sly Cooper swung down from the frame of Tunnel B in much the same way Toon Link had earlier.

"And Sly Cooper swashbuckles to Venice Espionage. I hear the entire Cooper Gang from the Kaine Island mission is on coms. Perhaps he was feeling nostalgic?"

"An all-star team of classy people right there," nodded Cranky.

"Didn't you hate on Jak and Daxter earlier? What makes Sly so special?"

"Because he's got class, and he finds it in his heart to forgive his allies when they go astray. Just like me!" hooted Cranky.

"And I thought we were gonna have a moment there," 9-Volt sighed as Sly ended his evasive rolling, finally reached center stage.

"Now," Mills began as he appeared, "The following contest is a first-round match in the Super Smash Bros Ultimate tournament. The winner will face either Ryu Hayabusa or Vergil in Round 2. Introducing first, in the corner to my left, he comes to us from the Devil May Cry universe, he is the Wacky Woo Hoo Pizza Man, he is DANTE!"

Dante chuckled as a smattering of applause and cheers could be heard.

"Sans?" snarled Cranky.

"Yep!" laughed 9-Volt. Knowing someone in admin means you get an unvetoable nickname."

"Introducing in the corner to my right," Mills continued, "He comes to us from the Sly Cooper Universe, he is The Master Thief. He is SLY COOPER!"

Sly tipped his flat cap, smiling bashfully as the hordes of women cheered for him.

"If Dante wins the coin toss, his stage will be Mallet Island" Mills explained, "And if Sly wins the coin toss his stage will be Paris from Playstation Allstars Battle Royale. Gentlemen, call it!" Mills commanded, tossing the coin into the air.

"Tails!" Sly called through a confident smirk.

"Tails!" confirmed Mills

Sly's smirk turned into a mischievous, fang-baring smile as Mills examined the other side of the coin. "Wait! This coin is double-sided! You knew!"

"Yep. Anything that revolves around automation or probability can be hacked. At least, that's what Bently and Penelope say." the raccoon explained cooly.

Dante laughed with a similar nonchalance, "Whatever, I'll still make a hat out of you in the ring."

"Lifted directly from Playstation Allstars Battle Royale, much like Sandover Village and Metropolis, this stage may have a surprise in store," explained 9-Volt.

"You don't mean a Little Big Planet cameo, do you? Banana Bird Above, Little Big Planet is actively worse than an NFT of the Rabbids."

"Cranky, Sackboy is a platformer star too, I thought you'd like him," 9-Volt frustratedly demanded.

"We didn't pave the road so they could widdle it down into listless nothing. Socks to 'em!"

Meanwhile, Dante and Sly had already been teleported away.

Stage: Paris (Playstation Allstars Battle Royale)

Rules: 2-stock, items medium
Music: Paris

3

Dante appeared on stage in a red burst of light. Taking note of the stage, how three platforms ascended from the left into an easy-to-access Blast Zone, he smirked

2

The Cooper Gang's van appeared, sly stepping out of the passenger's seat onto the top platform.

1

GO!

"CAVALIER!"

Dante was atop his motorcycle again, ascending the platforms, its front wheel having its way with Sly's face before the thief could even blink. The bike slid apart, becoming two misshapen blades. Dante fell with the front half, landing behind Sly, slicing at the still spinning wheel at the back of Sly's legs, a chaotic symphony of a roaring engine and squealing tire as the background ambiance.
"What is even happening?" demanded Cranky.

Cavalier quickly became two, Dante mounting the machine as he executed a flip, the force of which knocked Sly into the air. Using his arms to swing the bike as a whole and its bladed halves, the weapon continued to shred a helpless Sly in the air. Eventually, Dante slammed the two blades down, both men slamming into the ground, Sly careening to the blast zone.

Dante: 2

Sly Cooper: 1

As a bewildered Sly leaped from the Revival Platform, Dante yawned, "You look like you just got your ass handed to ya."

Sly smirked, "Alright, so ya pulled something new on me. Cute."

The thief jumped from the middle platform to meat Dante on the highest.

"MURRAY!" he called.

Sure enough, a visage of the pink hippo came barrelling towards him. But, at the moment of impact…

"ROYAL GUARD!" Dante shouted.

The hippo's belly bounced off of him as he disappeared from the battlefield entirely. Sly was right behind him, poised to strike, but it was too late. Dante punched the ground, an explosion unfurling Sly from his position and into the air. A flurry of slices from Rebellion kept the raccoon aloft. Now, Dante swung with an upward curve, firing his two twin pistols, Ebony and Ivory, into the air to meet the hapless thief, again and again.

"And Sly Cooper gets juggled like a bean bag!" declared Cranky.

Finally, Dante leaped into the air to meet him on the final volley, spinning down in a wheel of flame, pummeling Sly all the way down. Dante held his hand aloft, purple energy sparking into the air as he pummeled the ground again in nearly the same movement, sending Sly off the ground once again. As the energy rained down onto Sly, Dante spun in the air, firing his pistols at the ground Sly occupied. He punched the ground again, throwing a flurry of kicks at Sly.

"Damn, those kicks'd give Chun-Li pause," Cranky observed.

"If my Mahvel 3 memories are correct, it's almost time," announced 9-Volt.

"For what?" snapped Cranky.

Dante spun his pistols in the air.

"Keepin it stylish!"
"This," 9-Volt cooly remarked.

Dante fired wildly at Sly, every bullet making its mark despite the hyperactive trick shooting method Dante used.

"Jackpot," concluded Dante.

Firing a single bolt of magical energy at Sly, who was still reeling in the air from the bullets, the beam connected, sending the thief off-stage and into the Blast Zone.

Dante was whisked away to the Mansion courtyard, dramatically flaring his trenchcoat.

"Sleep it off baby!" cockily advised the Devil Hunter as he spun Ebony and Ivory on his fingers, pointing them at the camera.

DANTE WINS!

The screen expanded to Sly applauding. Mister Zero interviewed the loser this way.

"Unfortunately, you were a victim of an overwhelming onslaught by Dante. Care to comment?"

"Yeah," Sly grunted, "You may have joined Sephiroth in the no-damage club, but you aren't gonna be able to catch him off guard if you two meet. Enjoy your little tiff with your brother, because this party ends after that. "

"Strong words from Sly Cooper," commented Mister Zero as his interview subject skulked off-camera, "Rita, you're up!"

"Thanks," said Rita as she and Dante appeared on screen, her microphone at the ready, "Do you care to comment on your victory, or, more intriguingly, what Sly said?"

"Ah," Dante dismissively waved his hand, "Ringtail is just cranky. Me though? I feel like a million bucks. Bro, you better win your match so I can really stretch my muscles. If you'll excuse me, Rita, I gotta get some pizza in me."

With that, the Devil Hunter ambled out of frame.

"Cranky, Volt, back to you," Rita shrugged.

Applause met Dante as he headed up the tunnel. The Playstation All-Stars crew were the first to surround him, Sly included, but his expression was deadly serious.

"Be careful," Sly whispered amongst the congratulatory hullabaloo.

Vergil pushed his way through the crowd, "An acceptable performance brother."
Dante let a single chuckle escape him as he observed his twin brother, who frowned deeply, "Can you at least compliment me one time?" whined Dante.

"I must say, your performance motivated me even more strongly to win so that we can clash sword."

"I mean, you made it about you but we take compliments where we can get them." Dante joked, not breaking eye contact to accept high-fives from Travis and Sans.

The sound of air breathed through gritted teeth onto fingers peppered the room as the crowd quieted from the randomizer, which landed on...

"TERRY VS EDELGARD!" announced the commentary team.

Edelgard chuckled, which immediately brought bewildered glances from DLC, "I suppose Terry is now."

"You betcha," Terry laughed.

As Edgelgard received final instructions from Hubert, Terry felt a tap on his shoulder. The blond wheeled around to see Corrin behind him.

"Good luck out there Terry," she barely squeaked out.

Terry nodded, "Yeah, I will."

"Geez," squawked Kazooie, "Now I know we're in a bad fanfiction."

Corrin and Terry broke eye contact, blushing.

"Yo, I think Edelgard is...um...I should go up there," stammered Terry.

"Yes," Corrin blurted.

Jogging to catch up with Edgelgard, Mario gave them their instructions.

"Terry, you're in Tunnel A. Edgelgard-a, Tunnel B."

"Good luck," Edgelgard nodded to Terry as she departed.

"You too!" Terry called as he headed down his own tunnel.

"