Round 1
Cuphead vs. Yoshimitsu
Cuphead swayed his hips while glaring straight ahead in his match graphic. Now, sat stiff as a board, he was in the interview chair, with the eagerness of a teacher's pet.
"So," Nikki began, "Any reservations about fighting someone as unpredictable as Yoshimitsu."
"Unpredictable? I've fought flowers, magic genies, and rollercoasters. If anything he should be afraid of me. He's back from the time of the samurai right?"
"Well, actually, he has memories of fighting in the modern era now, due to being revived by a doctor ."
"Aw, graham crackers. Whelp, I doubt he'll be able to say he's fought anyone like me either way."
"I bet that's true," Nikki agreed, "So, who are you looking forward to fighting?"
"Kirby!" answered Cuphead immediately, "He reminds me a lot of some of the Devil's men in ways I can't describe."
Amidst the snickers in the Smashers' Box, Sans leaned over to Quinn, whispering, "The cup gets it, once Kirby realizes how powerful he is we're all completely fucked."
That bit of cosmic horror had caused the Mii Brawler to miss Cuphead's exit, only catching Yoshimtsu's graphic mid-backflip. Now, the strange mechanical samurai sat crosslegged in the interview chair.
"Many people have taken thy name," Yoshimitsu began, "But, I have learned upon crossing over into this dimension that I am the one to carry the farthest. So, it is with confidence I say, tis I, Yoshimitsu. Furthermore, my opponent is Cuphead."
"What do you think of him?" eagerly asked Nikki.
"His sorcery is quite unlike any I've ever seen, though I could say that for nearly everyone here. The advantage I bring to the table is that I am far more experienced a warrior than he."
"Alright, so who are you looking forward to fighting?"
"The training camp Playstation All-Stars took to me for reasons only understood by the beings that control this universe. Outside of our faction, I wish to fight any and all of those who wield the blade, including Sir Link and his troupe, who owe me a rematch from the days of yore."
Before Nikki could thank him, Yoshimitsu disappeared.
"Weird guy," Cranky muttered, "Alright, Futaba? Predictions?"
"Yoshimitsu is bae's favorite," she began, "What with the crazy outfit, so I gotta go with his recommendation."
"Not the ship I would've chosen…" grumbled Cranky.
"What on Earth are you talking about?" 9-Volt shouted.
"Ignore me kiddo. This shit's bigger than you."
"Five more matches Volt, five more matches," said 9-Volt under his breath, "Anyway, entrances!"
Soft piano notes began to play.
Well, Cuphead and his pal Mugman
They like to roll the dice
By chance, they came upon Devil's Game
And Gosh, They paid the price
Paid the price
And now they're fighting for their lives
On a mission fraught with dread
And if they proceed but don't succeed
Well...
The Devil will take their heads
As the soft piano music began to play in earnest, a giant, pupilless version of Cuphead's visage, lumbered out. Laughing evilly, it disappeared. After a few uneasy seconds, Cuphead appeared at center stage, waving to the crowd as if nothing had happened.
"A…unique entrance by Cuphead," blubbered 9-Volt
"I know Cuphead fought The Devil, but have we looked into the Elder Kettle?" Cranky snapped.
"Normally I'd give you shit for that, but after that little display I can't say I'm sure."
The ambient piano music was soon replaced by a triumphant orchestra. Standing on top of the entrance of Tunnel B was Yoshimitsu. Twirling his blade like a helicopter, he made his way down to the center of Smash Stadium's enormous stage, coming into a landing as Cuphead balked silently, jaw agape.
"And Yoshimitsu comes out to the character select of Soul Calibur 3, History beckons!" 9-Volt explained
"More like Bore Calibur!" hooted Cranky.
"Couldn't come up with anything better?" 9-Volt asked.
"It's been a long day," came Cranky's near-silent retort
"Hot dog! That was the bee's knees!" Cuphead shouted to Yoshimitsu as he snapped into his ready pose.
Either the ninja didn't hear him or ignored him outright because the masked man stared straight ahead as Mills Frames made his usual entrance phasing through the floor.
"And now," began the Wire Frame referee's speech, "The following contest is a Round 1 Match in the Super Smash Brothers Ultimate tournament! The winner of this match will face Goro Akechi in Round 2! Introducing first, he comes to us from the Cuphead universe, he is the Prodigal Son of Inkwell Isle, he is CUPHEAD!"
Whimsical, happy cheers erupted as Cuphead bashfully waved once again.
"Introducing next, in the corner to my right, he comes to us from the Soul Calibur Tekken universe he is the leader of the Manji Clan, he is Yoshimitsu."
The sounds of sandals smacking together eclipsed the sizeable cheers from the rest of the crowd directed at Yoshimitsu, the man in question joining along, plopping to a sitting position and clapping his own feet together. As the odd ninja snapped back into his ready stance, Mills continued, "If Cuphead wins the coin toss, the stage will be Floral Fury, if Yoshimitsu wins the coin toss, it'll be Sacred Mt. Fuji-Lava Bed. Gentlemen, call it."
"Heads!" shouted Yoshimitsu
"HEADS!" Mills confirmed as the coin came to a stop.
"This'll be a fun one," cackled Cranky, "You've got one hexagon of free space, then lava all around! Combine that was the walls and ceiling of the King of Fighters Stadium, and you have a high damage humdinger of a fight!"
"Yeah let's hope Cuphead's been upping his endurance training, or else this'll be an easy duke for Yoshimitsu," warned 9-Volt as the two fighters disappeared.
Stage: Sacred Mt. Fuji-Lava Bed
Rules: 2-stock, items Medium
Music "Through Molten Caves"
3
Cuphead exited a biplane.
2
Yoshimitsu simply backflipped into a ready position
1
Cuphead's knees bent. Yoshimitsu's grip tightened around his sword.
GOOD DAY FOR A SWELL BOUT! NOW GO!
Cuphead disappeared in a puff of smoke, practically breathing down Yoshimitsu's neck, readying his finger gun. Yoshimitsu plopped down, spinning in a crosslegged position, and disappearing to the other side of the map. Four more revolutions later, and the crafty fighters had traded sides of the map. Letting out a definitive grunt of frustration, Cuphead fired, blue bolts rocketing from his finger, Yoshimitsu spinning his blade to deflect the bullets, rolling away as Cuphead got too close.
"Man, I'm gonna have a birthday waiting for the action to start aren't I?" moaned Cranky.
"Patience o crusty one," 9-Volt said in a faux zen voice.
"Hey!" barked Cranky.
Finally, Yoshimitsu clocked Cuphead on the head.
"How will this play out?" he asked mockingly, finally in a combat stance.
Slicing him with his sword, and staying in the air twirling his blade like a helicopter blade again, Cuphead roared, jumping into the fray. A cartoonish popping sound and a pink aura meant he had parried every hit of the whirling blade. Yoshimitsu could only turn as he fired a fully charged blast point-blank at the ninja, who staggered backward.
"RRRRRROAD TO MADNESS!" cried Yoshimitsu, artistically rolling his 'r's
With all his might, Yoshimitsu body checked an unsuspecting Cuphead, charging them both into the lava. The two rocketed upward, but Yoshimitsu recovered first.
"SWIRLING BLOSSOM!" he cried
Yoshimitsu began to swirl in the air.
One hit.
Two hits
POP!
POP!
Using his parry ability, Cuphead not only blocked the onslaught but managed to clear the remaining barrage entirely, landing safely on stage.
"ROUNDABOUT!" commanded Cuphead.
A boomerang of energy materialized at Cuphead's finger. With an articulation of his finger, he fired. The boomerang clipped the wrist of Yoshimitsu's sword-wielding hand, the ninja crying out in pain as he collapsed into the lava below. After being bounced by the lava three times, Yoshimitsu finally gathered his wits, helicoptering safely to the stage. Cuphead fired another Round About, but Yoshimitsu disengaged, dropping to the floor and rolling underneath it, and rolling again, bridging the gap between himself in Cuphead, kicking the Inkwell resident into the air mid-roll, disappearing, and slicing him with his sword as he fell. Cuphead inexplicably found himself on his feet, and staggered. The wily ninja reached a hand through his chest as the young boy could only squeal in pain.
"MMMM, YOUR SOUL!" Yoshimitsu purred.
Turning around and letting Cuphead's soul float in the air, he sliced it as Cuphead fell to his knees, the soul healing him a bit as it absorbed into him.
"And now you know the pain of your enemies, all that work you did at the behest of the devil because of you and your friend's love of coin. How does it feel boy?" hissed the ninja.
"SHUT UP!" screamed Cuphead, "Chaos Orbit!"
Green bullets began to surround Cuphead, the magical attack already beginning to pummel Yoshimitsu as Cuphead hit the staggered warrior with an open hand slap, hitting him with a barrage of boxing punches.
"And Cuphead has Yoshimitsu staggered!" 9-Volt announced.
"And not only that," Cranky observed, " His relentless punches seemed to have undone the healing from the stunt Yoshimitsu pulled earlier!"
A combo-ending uppercut caused Yoshimitsu to teeter to the lava. Using his straw, Cuphead pulled him in closer to him, hitting somebody shot, finally throwing him into the lava. Tracking the flouncing body with his eyes, Cuphead charged, firing a powered-up blast of the Pea Shooter, cracking the wall, and sending Yoshimitsu through it.
Cuphead: 2
Yoshimitsu: 1
Cuphead was so distracted by the fireworks that indicated Yoshimitsu losing a stock, that he did not see Yoshimitsu pick up a Bunny Hood as soon as he left the Revival Platform, charging towards Cuphead, grabbing him, and flying him towards the lava.
"NIMBUS!" Yoshimitsu hissed.
Tossing him down into the lava, Yoshimitsu dropped, splashing his bodyweight down onto him on the rebound. With a cartoonish warble, Cuphead's ghost floated into the background, disappearing into a star-shaped explosion.
Cuphead: 1
Yoshimitsu: 1
"That was stupid," admonished Cranky from the commentary booth, "He just gave himself 14 more damage than he needed to with that stunt."
"I have all I can stands," Cuphead growled, appearing at the Revival Platform, "And I can't stands no more!"
With that, he leaped off of the revival platforms, firing as many Roundabouts as he could. While six smothered an unsuspecting Yoshimitsu, another happened to lock on to a Smash Ball that had appeared. With ease, the ball broke, transferring its power to Cuphead as it had done so many others. Spiraling in the air, Cuphead readied himself.
"MILK BEAM!" he declared.
A highly pressurized blast of milk pounded the already damaged Yoshimitsu, sending him into the wall for the easy KO!
A KNOCKOUT!
As Cuphead happily bent his knees, a scorecard appeared beside him
TIME: 5:06
HP BONUS: ½
PARRY: 6/6
SKILL LEVEL: TWO STARS
GRADE: B+
A BRAND NEW RECORD!
Cuphead happily waited for his cue as Yoshimitsu clapped with his feet. The window Yoshimitsu was in expanded to the full screen, and he stood up just as Rita approached him with the microphone.
"Word on the street is that you were pegged early on to be the favorite, yet here we stand in Loser's Row. What do you have to say to that?"
"I have…let my clan members down indubitably," came Yoshimitsu's solemn reply, "I underestimated the young boy, who has fought wars beyond my merely human comprehension and come out on top. Perhaps some training is in order under this Elder Kettle person for the entire Manji Clan, perhaps…no. I need to find my center, then speak on the matter. Most assuredly my payout will be bandied about in the most charitable way I can think of. Until then, fare thee well!"
Once again falling to a crosslegged position, he inexplicably spun, disappearing.
Now, Mister Zero stood with Cuphead, eagerly gripping his scorecard, "Cuphead, congratulations on your…"
"Did you know I get these straight from the Elder Kettle himself?"
"No?" confusedly stated Mister Zero.
"Well, I do! B+ isn't too bad for a first go-around, and I'll do better. But the most important thing is that our team, me, Lucas, Ness, Red, and Green when one of us wins, it's a dubbyah for us all! We're gonna hit up the arcade later. I'm gonna school those herbs in pinball, and they're gonna show me some of those new electronic game simulators. It'll be a hell of a night on the town! Woo yeahbaby!" wheezed Cuphead as he darted off camera.
The smallest of smiles etched on his face, Mister Zero through it back to Cranky and 9-Volt.
Immediately, the rest of the gang minus Ness were there to mob Cuphead with a big group hug as soon as he walked through the Smashers' Box door. The sentient cup caught Yoshimitsu giving him a bow of respect out of the corner of his eye as the room once again silenced for the randomizer. The rockin' randomizer rested on…
"YOUNG LINK VERSUS GANONDORF!" the now unmistakable harmonious voices of Cranky and 9-Volt announced once and for all.
Ganondorf laughed, "Tunnel B I'm assuming?"
"That would be correct, yes," Marth growled.
"Hey!" Young Link stood up, pointing at Ganondorf, "All of us Links have kicked your ass back home."
"History shows different," Ganondorf growled, not even looking at Young Link as he strutted down the tunnel, "Let's get this over with," came his echoing, final words.
"Don't listen to him," warned Zelda, "His silver tongue has won many wars for him. You will stick to our training,"
Young Link heroically put his hands on his hips, "You're right! If I stick to what I know, I've got this!"
With this, the young boy marched confidently down Tunnel A.