Round 2:
Donkey Kong vs. Samus
Smash Mansion
0600
Quinn, Sans, and Altair's suite
Wake up to your alarm, shower, brush your teeth, put on your gear, try not to get trampled by the ensemble as you head out of residency and into the main dining hall, and eat your Power Pellet. The beginning of Round 2 had begun much as Round 1 had for Quinn Marmaduke. But unlike Round 1, the Mii Fighter noticed, that the vibes of the room were much less consistent. Whereas the first round had the usually merry mansion filled with dread, there was laid-back laughter, mostly among those that hadn't advanced. In contrast, those who had muttered quietly to their allies, or ate in silence. Not immediately spotting Altair, Sans, or Rosalina, Quinn chose the latter, the yummy miracle fruit filling him up immediately.
"Attention all," came ROB's announcement, "Would the remaining tournament contestants please line up for interviews in Conference Room 2?"
Quinn felt uneasy as he shuffled into formation. Mac seethed in front of him, Doc Louis with a loving armor on his ward's shoulder, Sans had materialized into existence behind him. He didn't even have to turn around to know Sans was throwing up the bunny ears behind him.
"How was Toriel's?" asked Quinn as the line advanced.
"Great!" Sans announced, "Got some snail pie for second dinner, got to snuggle her while she read a book. You do anything with Rosa?"
Quinn shook his head, "Nah, was kinda in my head about punching you."
"That shit was ratings gold dude," laughed Sans, "So much so they'd rather replay that than do any of the Coffee with Cait stuff."
"I thought Off the Hook was the post-game show?"
"Got flipped around," shrugged the admin, "Ya know, TV execs and whatnot."
"I don't," was Quinn's deadpanned, unnecessarily intense response.
"I don't either," blurted Sans mid-laugh.
Donkey Kong merrily skipped out of Conference Room 2 and back into the dining hall, muttering something about bananas. Only then did the line advance.
Sans rubbed the back of his head, "So…wanna hear some jokes?"
"I mean, we've got the time. Lay 'em on me." Quinn sighed.
0730
If there was one thing Sans had in excess, it was jokes. The barrage had been going for an hour and a half straight, more impressive than annoying as time went on. But finally, finally, it was his turn. Never had he been so happy to see Mac and Doc leave the conference room.
"Next," Nikki called dryly.
Quinn meekly stepped inside.
Nikki peaked over her laptop, a devilish smile in place of her usual neutral effect, "Ah, you."
"Me?" Quinn parroted chills going through his spine.
"Yes, you. Same match graphic stance and everything?"
"Yes." Quinn nodded.
"Alright, so we can get to the meat of the matter."
Nikki typed some commands into her keyboard so quickly it made Quinn flinch. Fumbling with a camera, a red light turned on.
"So I think the thought on everyone's mind after the Off the Hook incident…"
Quinn was thankful for Master Hart's enormous sunglasses, as they concealed him rolling his eyes.
"…What do you think of Sans?"
Quinn sighed.
"Well…"
0735
Quinn stumbled out of the conference room to see Sans waiting his turn, his eyes leering at him.
"Hope you didn't say anything too incriminating about me," he said, deadly serious.
Just as the fear registered, Sans playfully slapped him on the shoulder.
"I kid, I kid. Hey look, is that Rosalina over there?"
Quinn put his hands on his hip, frowning, "What do you think I am, a baby? I'm not falling for tha-"
Pausing midword, Quinn followed Sans' pointing gesture, and sure enough, Rosalina stood over the crowd, playing patty cake with a Luma.
"Oh crap, you were telling the truth," bashfully admitted the Mii Brawler.
Ignoring the howling laughter of his prankster roommate, Quinn made his over to Rosalina, through The Links' animated conversation, past Zelda, Peach, and Daisy who all gossiped with vigor, and to Rosalina and the Luma.
"Oh, hello Quinn!" was Rosalina's immediate, cheery reply.
As its partner turned to greet Quinn, the Luma waved. Quinn waved back.
"Look, I'm...I'm sorry I went dark last night. I punched Sans and..."
"I saw."
Quinn blinked. Was that anger, disgust he'd just heard?
"Look, we have to talk about this," Quinn announced, finding a foreign firmness in his tone.
"I know…but…" began the princess, her eyes The two sat in silence for long enough for the Luma to shift its eyes uncomfortably, and spin around, looking for anything else to do, before turning back to them.
"Look," Quinn sighed, folding his hands behind his back, "I get that you aren't exactly a girl that needs defending, but when he insulted you for losing to Mac I just snapped."
"I know, and while I do appreciate your anger, I despise Sans' message."
"I mean, I'm not exactly high on it either, nor do I exactly wanna beat the crap out of a friend..."
The smallest of smiles tugged at Rosalina's lips.
Yes, the right thing has been said! Quinn cheered inwardly.
"But for the sake of communication, let's elaborate on that thought," he continued
"There's a happy medium," explained Rosalina, "You can feel angry, but you need to put that away at times to be an effective tactician."
"Yeah," Quinn nodded, "I think that's partially what Sans wants. He tried to invoke my anxiety, and then when that didn't work, invoke anger."
Rosalina nodded back, "Good, I'm glad you understand. There are just so many brutes here I often wonder if anyone understands basic emotional concepts."
"Harsh, but you are in the same social circle as Wario."
The blast of cold that Wario may be around a corner and start yelling at him instantly evaporated when Rosalina began to chuckle. Quinn couldn't help but mirror the gesture. When Rosalina's laughter quieted, the two sat in silence once again, this time, catching themselves staring at one another.
"So, um..." Rosalina stammered, blushing "Usually, we end up waiting around for quite a while."
The Luma spun in the air, nudging Quinn, striking the same stance it had been in while playing patty cake.
"Oh! They want to play patty cake with you!" Rosalina cooed.
Quinn held his palms out, starry nub touching his gloves. Even through them, he could feel an inviting warmness that appeared to radiate up his arms the longer he held the pose.
"Pattycake patty cake baker's man..." Quinn began, exchanging claps of the hand with the Luma.
1230
Smashcraft 1
Donkey Kong hated motor vehicles. At least, being in one that he wasn't driving. Perhaps it was all of Cranky's horror stories of his escape from New Donk, but even a spacious spacecraft such as this one gave him pause for annoyance. He glanced around the craft, this time boarded by tournament class. The Original 12 stood separately from one another, quiet, the pomp and circumstance long since having lost its appeal. The craft dipped low, the bright afternoon sky replaced by dim artificial light as the craft slotted into one of Smash Stadium's underground access tunnels. Ness chose this time to encourage Captain Falcon. Donkey Kong ignored them.
"Alright-a," came Mario's voice as the landing ramp opened, "You all know what to do, everyone up to the Smashers' Box single file."
Mario led the way, the 12 filed out, the Melee class joining them on the journey up, followed by the Brawl class, and so on.
"Why do we all have to come to this," Porky whined over the particularly jaunty elevator music Donkey Kong recognized as the "Tournament Registration" music from Brawl.
"Because," Bayonetta growled, "Mario wants us all together in case of emergency, you git."
Donkey Kong grinned at the giggles from the other two Earthbound kids. Normally he found Bayonetta grating, but anyone that made Porky feel like a smacked ass deserved some acknowledgment.
And so, the 100 plus found themselves in the Smashers' Box largely taking the same seats as before.
"Okay," Mario announced as the admin team took to the front, "Seeing as we have 25 matches this round, intermission will be every five-a, lunch will be after the first intermission for all of us-a,"
Samus Aran listened dutifully, despite Bayonetta's mischievous attempts to caress her armored leg. Nodding at the admin team, she glanced over to Donkey Kong. Diddy had wasted no time finding a seat atop the bigger Kong's shoulder, the two whispering to each other with intense expressions.
"Look at those two," Bayonetta tutted as the King of Fighters' announcer overtook the music, meaning that most of Smash City had filed in, and the countdown had begun.
Samus ignored her.
"They act like they have a chance, how cheeky!" hooted the Umbra Witch.
"Hey!" Diddy chirped from across the room, "Donkey's been training against projectile. He'll make banana pudding out of Samus!"
"And this is why I don't talk before my fight," mumbled Samus.
"Yes," Peach hissed, "Samus is right. I would advise you all to be quiet."
"Somebody seems tense," Sly Cooper's voice came from the back of the room, "Nervous about fighting your bud, Your Highness?"
"WAHAHAHAHAHA!" bellowed Wario, "DAS ZE SMARTEST-A THING ZE FURBALL'S SAID-A SINCE HE-A GOT HERE-A!"
Peach ignored the forced laughter from the Wario Family-Waffice as the TV flared to life.
It began with 100.
Now, 50 remain
The familiar rock tune of "Run" by Day of Fire played as the victory poses of the 50 Smashers left flashed by, every two divided by their match graphic.
"I will be," Captain Falcon's pre-recorded visage declared.
Ice Climbers were next, "We will be,"
Wolf next, "I will be,"
Then Pacman, "Ole Pacman's gonna be,"
Cloud's appeared, "For the second time, I will be,"
Then Daisy, "Oh you know I'm gonna be..."
All 50 remaining voices spoke out at the same time, "Smash Ultimate Champion."
The Ultimate logo appeared on a black background with "Round 2" written underneath it. Fireworks erupted from Smash Stadium as an instrumental to "Run" played while the camera's panned around the stadium, before cutting to Cranky and 9-Volt.
"Once again, we are here live at Smash Stadium for the second round of the Super Smash Brothers Ultimate Tournament! I'm Cranky Kong and this is my partner in crime 9-Volt!"
"Yes sir," 9-Volt chirped cheerily, "We started with 100, now we're 50. Who will flourish in an environment that will test the endurance of a competitor's will and wit, with three stocks as opposed to two? Who will make up the Tantalizing 25? We'll find out tonight!"
"And so, we start with a match that's personal to my heart as my son Donkey takes on Samus Aran," Cranky's voice was overlaid over the first match graphic of the night, Donkey Kong banging on his chest while on the other side, Samus cocked her arm cannon.
"We go now to pre-recorded comments from the two competitors," 9-Volt informed the audience.
"I'm telling you," began the clipped announcement of Samus, "Donkey Kong's got his crap together this time,"
In contrast, Donkey Kong shrugged, "She just happened to outshoot Link. Don't get me wrong, she's a tough banana, but I'm tougher."
"He hasn't lived what I've lived through," Samus' pre-recorded comments seemed to rebuke, "If he thinks hitting me hard is supposed to scare me, he's wrong."
"Kremlings are masters of armament," Donkey Kong growled, "If she thinks a few bombs are gonna scare me she's wrong."
The match graphic flashed again to conclude the pre-produced flair. All eyes were back on Cranky and 9-Volt.
"Woah," 9-Volt gasped, "Already we've got tempers and egos on full blast today,"
"That's what happens when you rest on your laurels," growled Cranky, "You get cocky, mushy. I expected this out of my son, lazy child of the 90s that he is, but I expect more out of Samus, NES icon that she is."
"And Donkey puts up with you why? Anyway, Futaba, what do you think?"
"Boy, I oughta..." Cranky's rant was cut off by the appearance of Oracle.
"It's ya girl Futaba Sakura back at it again at Krispy Kreme with the prediction. Smash is a projectile sport, so I gotta go with Samus,"
"And there you have it," 9-Volt concluded.
"Like that nerd's predictions are worth anything!" Cranky crowed, " Last round, she got about half of 'em wrong. If I didn't know better I'd say she was just the author's vehicle to reference memes. I mean, back at it again at Krispy Kreme wasn't even that funny!"
"Seven Stars, it is match one, entirely too early to bring up this author."
As the two commentators argued, Shulk spoke up "Alright guys, Donkey Kong, you're in Tunnel A, Samus you're in Tunnel B!"
Wordlessly, the two-headed down the tunnels.
"Look, can we just throw down to entrances now?" 9-Volt concluded the argument on screen.
8-bit music played, but it was replaced by a thumping midi beat as Donkey Kong danced onto stage, boombox over his shoulder. As he walked, the camera panned to signs with various, "Kong Party" support.
"Oh Seven Stars, the 90s 'tude is spreading. I fear for future generations,"
"You're just mad because Donkey Kong didn't invite you to the Kong Party."
"Why wouldn't he? I was bustin' moves when he was still starring in the greatest game of all time, Donkey Kong Junior Math."
9-Volt only laughed as Donkey Kong thumped to the beat.
"What's so funny boy?" Cranky demanded.
The Item Acquisition Fanfare from Super Metroid played as Samus marched out on stage to silence.
"Finally, some serious, 80s goodness," Cranky sighed dreamily as the camera cut to pro-Samus signs in the crowd.
"But will that no-nonsense attitude be enough to combat this new, motivated Donkey Kong,"
"Yeah, probably," deadpanned Cranky as Mills Frames appeared from the floor.
"One and all," began Mills, "Welcome to Round 2 of the Super Smash Brothers Ultimate tournament! Introducing the first competitor of our first match, he comes to us from the Rare Archipelago, he is The King of Swing, he is DONKEY KONG!"
The ape pounded his chest at Samus, teeth gritted. She did not flinch.
"And introducing to my right, she comes to us from the Metroid universe, she is the Bounty Hunter Extraordinaire, she is SAMUS!"
A curt nod to the crowd acknowledged the cheers.
"Now, if you'll direct your attention to the video board, the stage will be selected!" Mills explained
The 128 stages of Smash flipped past, landing on a picture of a canopy atop a high tower.
"The stage is Great Plateau Tower! Rules for this round are 3 stocks, items medium. Smashers, are you ready?"
Both combatants nodded. The crowd erupted as the two disappeared.
Rules: 3-stock, items medium
Stage: Great Plateau Tower
Music: Nintendo Switch 2017 Presentation Trailer
3
Donkey Kong blasted out of a barrel.
2
Samus marched out of a charging station
1
For a moment, the world stood still.
GO!
Ape and bounty hunter charged, Samus closing the distance first throwing herself shoulder first into him. Donkey Kong rolled behind Samus to avoid a sweep kick, charging his Giant Punch, whereas Samus charged her Charge Shot. Firing a missile in an attempt to confuse the big ape, Samus could only sigh in frustration as she was kicked in the face from behind, DK having jumped over the missile and her in her moment of woe.
"Huh, well damn," Cranky balked, "Boy's actually done some scouting."
Samus shoulder tackled Kong again, this time, merely bouncing off of him. As DK's hardened expression puckered in realization, Samus shot a missile at the floor between them, sending her massive opponent into the roof of the teepee-like structure, it crumbling into blue-hued Shiekah smithereens as he did. As Donkey Kong stumbled, a Bob-omb appeared. A thrust kick from Samus barely rocked the big guy, Donkey Kong holding the Bob-omb out in front of him on the second attempt, catching them both in the blast.
"Watch out watch out!" Cranky called.
Samus snapped off her Charge Shot, Donkey Kong pivoting in mid-air. As he landed, he fired off a Giant Punch, but the telegraph was too great, as Samus rolled backward, right into a spawning Pitfall. Samus grabbed Smashville's favorite gag toy, throwing it at DK just as he headbutted her deep into the ground. To the delight of the crowd, both wriggled out of the earth they found themselves dug into.
"I think this is the start of a trend," observed Cranky Kong, "We're going to see much more surefooted competition from now on, using items more regularly,"
"Yeah! We are in the fabulous fifty after all!" 9-Volt agreed.
Samus was the first out of the hole, hitting Donkey Kong with a one-two punch of the metal of her arm cannon and a missile that it packed within. Samus charged a Charge Shot as DK lumbered through the air, back to the stage, jumping over it as she fired it. Again, Samus charged, this time groaning in discomfort as she grabbed Donkey Kong by the waist, mounting him as he fell. A mighty slap from the annoyed gorilla dented her helmet, Donkey heaving her off of him, kipping to his feet and clapping her in between his meaty paws, Despite everything, Samus was unphased, Grapple Hooking DK by the throat, throwing him up and into a Screw Attack.
"And a Super Scope just spawned!" 9-Volt announced to the crowd, "This could be a game-changer for one of these combatants in this high damage affair.
Sure enough, Samus landed first, grabbing the Super Scope and firing it in its rapid-fire mode at DK who, amidst all the chaos, managed to grab an Assist Trophy. With a growl, Samurai Goroh appeared, Samus dodging around the sword-wielding mad man, hurriedly trying to charge a charge shot, while DK leisurely charged a Giant Punch.
"What are you doing?" demanded Cranky, "Get on her!"
A Final Smash appeared, Samus firing off a full blast Charged Shot at it, breaking it open. DK jumped just as Samus unleashed her Zero Laser, the gigaton blast nipping Donkey Kong at the ankles, somehow sending him behind her as opposed to the epicenter of the blast.
"An extremely lucky break for Donkey Kong, who's got damage in the low 200s at this point!" 9-Volt observed.
Cranky blew a raspberry, "Yeah. That's all he's ever been, lucky."
DK fired back with a kick, only to be nipped by a Screw Attack when he charged forward to follow up. Blinded by the Great Plateau Tower rebuilding its canopy form for the umpteenth time, the King of the Jungle didn't see Samus charging, and was left unaware when Samus launched her body into his, sending him to the Blast Zone.
DK: 2
Samus: 3
Completely undeterred by the new item Samus had picked up in his absence, a Rage Blaster, Donkey Kong slapped Samus aside. So intent on firing a volley of Rage Blaster Shot, of which only one connected, Samus was too far away when she attempted to recover with a Screw Attack, falling limply into the lower Blast Zone.
DK:2
Samus: 2
"All that, and for what, 25 damage?" mocked Cranky Kong.
"I've gotta agree with you, a costly mistake by Samus!" 9-Volt added.
DK charged a Giant Punch as Samus attempted to close the gap, juggling her in the air with dismissive waves of his palm, an Unira appeared, DK slamming it down, and juggling the defenseless bounty hunter between himself and it. Samus however, was undeterred, unsheathing her Grapple Hook, bringing in Donkey Kong for a bevy of punches and kicks, even going as far as to catch a Star Rod just as it spawned, wailing into the gorilla's stomach with it.
"Wow, we're already in the upper 70s in terms of damage for both competitors!"
"Now I get why those smelly nerds don't like to play with items!" Cranky teased.
"You're being a contrarian and you know it!" snapped 9-Volt.
"Card-carrying!"
Donkey Kong unleashed a Giant Punch just as Samus unleashed yet another Assist Trophy Ghirahim. Neither the Giant Punch nor Donkey Kong having accidentally summoned a horde of Coccos in the chaos deterred Samus' journey to the stage. Donkey Kong, however, was caught off guard by a teleporting slash from Ghirahim, sending him to the Blast Zone
DK: 1
Samus: 2
"And a quick elimination for DK! Will he be able to overcome the woman that's overcome monsters and disease alike?"
"C'mon boy," pleaded Cranky, "You got this."
A Final Smash appeared and Donkey Kong seemed to hesitate, allowing Samus to unleash a barrage of Chozo martial arts on it. Just as the power broke, Donkey Kong grabbed Samus, jumped up, and tossed her with all his might at the Blast Zone.
DK: 1
Samus: 1
"And just like that, it's tied!" 9-Volt shouted over the cheering crowd
Much to DK's dismay, Samus was quick on the draw, grabbing an assist Trophy that landed. This time, it was Akira. Donkey Kong stood on the top platform, the canopy having broken so often and which such little resistance that neither seemed to notice anymore, as Akira lurched in a karate stance below them. Kong saw the Screw Attack coming, activating his shield. Nearly eating through it, Samus was unprepared for Donkey Kong's smooth slide to the bottom, where a dismissive wave juggled both Samus and Akira. But, as she had done before, she whipped out her Grapple Hook, throwing Donkey Kong clear across the stage, right into a Pokeball, which DK grabbed mid-roll, rolling to his feet, and cracking open the ball.
"ABRA!" squealed the mischievous psychic Pokemon.
Samus could only run away, but Abra teleported to her, teleporting her just below the ledge of the stage.
Samus unleashed the Screw Attack, only to fall limply to the Blast Zone
GAME!
"YAHOO!" Cranky Kong cheered, the cameras now focused on the exuberant monkey, doing the Running Man on top of the announcer's desk, "MORE MONEY FOR CRANKY!"
"If you didn't break a hip last time I don't know how you're gonna avoid it this time," chided 9-Volt, "Also, are you betting?"
"Like you didn't bet for Wah-leon Musk over there," Cranky snapped, his dance unbroken.
"Look, he said I'd have to pay him for my games if I didn't," mumbled 9-Volt.
"Anyway," Cranky said smugly, jumping down from the desk. Let's go to the courtyard for the official result."
Donkey Kong pounded on his chest, teeth gritted teeth as the screen showed to the audience who the first of 25 would be to move on.
DONKEY KONG WINS
Samus slapped her arm cannon to simulate a clap, taking off her helmet, taking the tie out of her ponytail, and letting her blond locks drip down as Mister Zero stepped to her, signature mic in hand.
"Tough loss out there, your thoughts?"
"I underestimated him," spat Samus, "That, and some miscalculations on my part have left me where I deserve to be, the loser's stand. DK, whether it be Fox or Dark… Samus you fight next, I truly pray for your soul."
With that warning, she stomped off. Now, Donkey Kong stood next to Rita.
"I'm here with-" Rita began.
"Dark Samus! Fox!" Donkey Kong yelled, "I'm on fire! I'm motivated! C'mon down to my land, and see what happens!"
Marching up the tunnel, he was immediately greeted by Diddy, the two circled each other in their victory dance, sitting back down.
"You'd better hope I don't make it to you," hissed Bayonetta, who was petting Samus, the bounty hunter who had laid her head in her lap.
"I'm not afraid of legs lady," Donkey Kong hissed back.
"Our battle in Duel proves differently," the Umbra Witch spat back.
Peach sushed the fighters as Mario began to speak, "Fox, Dark Samus you're up next-a."
Dark Samus snapped its gaze to Ridley who simply commanded, "Go,"
Dark Samus bounded down Tunnel A with a laugh.
Fox sighed, "She's fun. Reminds me of someone."
"Oh, you wish we were back together!" Krystal shouted to the sniggers of Wolf.
Fox rolled his eyes, wordlessly headed down Tunnel B..
"