Intermission 6
Smashers' Box
"As we take our first intermission of the day we would like to remind you that this tournament is sponsored by Nook Inc. For all your shopping and consumer needs, yes yes, it's Nook Inc, by the Casino Planet Bureau of Entertainment, the number one energy drink of the Mushroom Kingdom, Burning DK, and Shinra Electric Power Company, When it comes to powering your necessities at home or the latest innovations in entertainment Shinra's the best game in town." Mills pre-recorded voice announced
Cloud growled at that, to the suppressed snickers of Travis and Sans.
"Additional funding provided by the United Assassin's Association and the F-Zero Grand Prix Association," finished the Wire Frame.
"Wait," Quinn balked, "Have the sponsorships always been there?"
"Where the hell have you been?" snapped Ridley.
Zelda walked into the Smashers' Box to a group hug from The Links, while Erdrick watched from afar. Meanwhile, Team Chaotix greeted a surprisingly chipper Ice Climbers as the auditorium applauded. Then, Mario made the call.
"Intermission!" he declared
Donkey Kong
With that, Fighting Polygons brought in a hamburger crafting sandwich. As the hungry crowd ambled over, Donkey Kong motioned over to Diddy. The chimp pranced over, hopping on Diddy's back.
"You got the stuff?" he asked gruffly
Diddy opened the back of his barrel jetpack, revealing it to be filled to the brim with bananas.
"You know I did!" Diddy chirped happily.
DK took a banana in his paw, peeling the skin away carefully, then munching into it.
"Ahhhh," sighed the ape, reclining back, "Nothing like a victory snack."
"Oh yeah, definitely,"
Donkey Kong raised an eyebrow. His nephew was suddenly nervous.
"You alright?"
"Just thinking about the Tiger Island gang and Conker too."
DK growled, inhaling sharply, "They're friends, but our alliance with the Mushroom Kingdom has guaranteed us peace."
"Yeah, with Peach looking over our shoulders," sneered Diddy.
"Conker and his bozos lie,"
\ "Because we abandoned them," was Diddy's hoarse, whispered reply, "He may not act like it, but doncha think Mario holds a grudge? If not over the crap old man Cranky pulled back in the day, your Mario Mini fiasco didn't help relationships with the Kingdom,"
"No," barked DK, "I trust Mario. He has been a friend of the Archipelago when he could help. Now, we need to focus on Dark Samus. We'll need to put even more training in."
"Yeah, ok," Diddy mumbled, squinting at Mario and Peach who talked happily amongst themselves.
Dark Samus
The Phazon creature stood at the bay window of the auditorium. Even though the auditorium and outer stadium alike were awash with all sorts of sensations , two things. Ridley spoke uncharacteristically happily with Wario. A word Dark Samus recognized, 'money,' was bandied about. Dark Samus had no concept of what the word meant, but the way people spoke about it and the way their pheromones lit up in animalistic hunger whenever it was mentioned, it knew the word couldn't mean anything good. Speaking of pheromones, the fluctuation in Fox and Krystal's irritated Dark Samus. What had been growling rage when Fox had been defeated turned into concern, lust, and back to hatred once again. Dark Samus wondered if this was the information overload carnivorous beasts experienced when varying meats were waved under their noses. Dark Samus felt a frustrated, throaty growl bubble forth, but swallowed it as not to get shocked by the always-activated shock collar it war.
Beings of the flesh think too much, hissed Dark Samus in conclusion as it reclined against the wall, ready for a nap.
Luigi and Daisy
Luigi, simple beef patty and cheese burger in hand, could only watch his body warm and tingly with a sensation somewhere between horror, lust, and admiration, as Daisy wolfed down a quadruple burger, quick to lick the BBQ sauce and bacon off of the fringes of her lips as needed. Daisy eyed Luigi's fries, the potato strands piled neatly into a plastic container covered with nacho cheese.
He cut to the heart of the matter, "You can have 'em if you want."
Daisy giggled, eying Luigi sexily as she took one, "Only if you feed 'em to me."
Daisy opened her mouth as wide as she could/ Luigi laughed as he fed her a fry, "You look like a hungry Chain Chomp."
"Woof woof motherfucker," Daisy announced as she went back to her 'feed me' position.
"Have I ever told you you're the coolest girl in the world?" Luigi asked, feeding her a third.
"An above standard amount I'd say," joked Daisy, winking at him. "I'm gonna miss it though when you're rolling with Wario and his goons."
As if designed by fate, Wario's booming laugh punctuated the intertwining of yellowish-white glove and taloned claw.
"IT IS-A MY PLEASURE TO-A WELCOME-A YOU AND-A YOUR CHARGE DARK SAMUS TO ZE WARIO FAMILY WA-FFICE!" Wario bellowed, smiling as wide as it possibly could
"And I have a feeling it just got worse," Luigi rolled his eyes.
Waving her hand dismissively, Daisy laughed, "Don't worry hun, it's only for a day. Then we go right back to n-"
Daisy's communicator rang. Picking it up, she pressed the 'accept call' button. The hologram of a short, bulbous man appeared, his eagle's nest-esque balding hair the only thing more distracting than his mustache. A wiry strand of hair that seemed to naturally form a 'W'
"Governor Ono," Daisy said in such a sickeningly sweet voice that Luigi momentarily feared for her life, "To what do I owe the pleasure? Are your accommodations acceptable?
Ono's sour frown remained unchanged.
"Quite," came Ono's response, "I have been following the brackets quite closely, as have the other governors.."
Luigi's shivered. The biting, unkind nature of which he spoke cut through his very soul.
"Your tone is not as congratulatory as it should be then Governor," Daisy snapped.
"If I were to congratulate you it would be a lie," hissed Ono, "We have allowed you to pursue your childish interests and to play with commoner men long enough. Now you wish to engage in combat with him? Such barbarism may be befitting of the Snowmads or the Kremlings, but Sarasaland's traditions have been a beacon of civilization for millenia."
Daisy's fists clenched. Instinctually, Edelgard, Hubert, and Peach made their way through the crowd to listen in further.
"First of all, men?" Daisy spat, "Luigi has been my betrothed for longer than half of your useless crotch goblins have been alive."
"Why I never-"
"Luigi has been nothing but kind to the people of Sarasaland, something that the common folk actually appreciate! Furthermore sir, my relationship with Luigi further ties us to the Mushroom Kingdom, the second largest empire on the planet next to ours."
"If you wish not to besmirch the royal name in public, the governors demand you withdraw from this tournament and make arrangements to wed one of the eligible bachelors of our court as discussed with immediacy. If not, then we will have no choice but to organize a coup. You have forty-eight hours notice."
With that, the hologram disappeared. Edelgard, Peach, and Luigi all shot concerned glances at Daisy, who scrunched over, head in hands. Hubert however, leaned back, crossing his arms.
"If it is not too much trouble Princess," he spoke, coldly, "Edelgard and I have contingency plans in place for the… convenient disappearance of similar useless nobles, one that I would be more than happy to enact if you so chose."
"Do it," Daisy snapped, jolting up with zero hesitation, "The governor of Easton is to be spared, but beyond that, do what you have to."
"WHAT?" Luigi and Peach both shouted.
"I'm tired of being jostled around like this. Being indebted to Wario is embarrassing enough, but I'm fucking sick of this. The only thing that matters to me is you Luigi, and the only people who have a voice in Sarasland's future. "
"So we're doing this huh?" came a voice from behind.
"Mario?" Luigi quivered, "You're okay with this?"
"For you my brother I'd move heaven and earth." Mario nodded.
Luigi blinked away tears as Mario turned to Hubert
"Hubert, the flight logs for the individual transportation pods that will-a accidentally find their way into your mailbox tonight will shed some light on where they'll be, likely strip clubs and other-a hedonistic venues if what Peach tells me are true. Do what you must."
"Excellent," Hubert smiled evily, "A tasteless, odorless poison will be administered tonight.
With that, Hubert sunk back into the crowd.
"Holy shit," Luigi quivered.
"I'm so proud of you baby girl!" Peach said, hugging Daisy tightly, "We shall celebrate a better tomorrow at the best opportunity."
"Hell yeah we're gonna!" Daisy cheered, "And Edelgard, you and your friends are welcome too. Consider this a celebration of Sarasaland's newest ally, the Adrestian Empire."
Edelgard bowed, "It's my honor. A ruler with your conviction to those she loves and respects is always a welcome ally of the Empire."
"Sweet! After the next round then?" Daisy asked.
"It's a date Your Highness."
The group dispersed Luigi stood up, nearly skipping to follow after Mario.
"I'm buyin' the ring tomorrow," Luigi whispered.
Mario cupped his mouth to avoid a snort laugh as the two the bay window.
Zelda
Munching on a simple slice of pepper jack cheese, Zelda used her other hand to furiously scribble in a notebook.
Lucina, swordswoman, train with the Links
On instinct, Zelda scanned the room for the swordsmen in green. Link was talking rather animatedly with Captain Falcon about the intricacies of the hamburger and how he could make one based off of Hylian ingredients. Toon Link was being swarmed by a playful horde of Olimar's Pikmin, the fatherly spacefarer watching on with a bemused grin on his face.
Her every nerve fired when she felt a leather-gloved hand clasp her on the shoulder. Magic sizzling at her fingertips, she turned around to see Erdrick smiling down at her.
"Oh, I didn't mean to startle you Zelda,"
Zelda's eyes narrowed. His tone was sincere, but she couldn't deny his attractiveness was softening the fury she'd normally feel in this situation.
"You know," continued the purple garbed man, "I'd like to cash in that dinner date tonight."
Zelda grinned, "Because of Link?"
Erdrick grinned back, "Yeah, if we play our cards right we might be able to hit up the same place as Link and Falcon."
"I'd like that. Hylian food is always a welcomed treat, biases aside."
"I'll see you tonight then!"
Erdrick bounded into the crowd of Smashers, highfiving Kazooie.
"I told you Piccolo! Just asking out a gal will work!" squawked the bird triumphantly, Banjo rolling his eyes.
Zelda held a hand over her mouth to shield the world from her ugly laughter.
If Kazooie is playing matchmaker, what other kind of nonsense am I in for? Zelda wondered.
Mario
"So," Mario said, speaking into a headset, his mouth full of burger, "Send the call down to Mills, tell him we're up with Pichu vs. Lucina in thirty seconds."
"Roger that, all video packages and entrance music have been prepared," the voice of a Fighting Polygon motored on the other end.
"G-"
Mario was assaulted by a blinding white light. A blond woman in an ornate dress, holding a staff not dissimilar to Palutena's, stood before him.
"Greetings Mario Mario," said the woman in a warm, soft voice. "I apologize for my late arrival, however, it took us a while to find the convergence point of all your energies."
"Us?" Mario raised an eyebrow, "Who are you?"
"I am the goddess Materia," she explained with a curtsy, "I have worked with Master Strife and his merry band in the past, as well as Master Sephiroth . Those who are united by the Dissidia trials stand at the ready, awaiting your command."
Materia waved a hand. Now, the two stood in the sky amongst the other Smashcraft. A silver shimmering Smashcraft stood among them.
"This is where we will reside for the time being," Materia declared.
"Okie dokie," Mario nodded, "But, you said you had worked with Sephiroth in the past. At one time, he was connected to our foe, King Conker."
"Yes," Materia said, "King Conker resides in an alternate dimension, one laid waste to by the omnicidal Kefka."
Mario's eyes widened, "So you know where the villains are hiding? Can you take us to it?"
"That I cannot, as my counterpart, the god Spiritus resides there with complete control over the very fabric of the universe. For you to travel there and fight against the weapon he uses with no such weapon of your own would be suicide. That, and it is not the weapon you seek."
"That's what we figured," Mario sighed, frowning,
His eyes widened as something Materia had said registered.
"Wait," Mario asked, "So the energy source isn't the Smash Core?"
"This is why our arrival was so delayed," Materia growled, her grip tightening around her staff, "We had to search out the vague energy signatures that were like the reality warping energy signatures we were seeing."
Mario nodded, "Even so Materia, thank you and the others. Welcome to the cause, enjoy the-a tournament, and be ready.
"We shall,"
With that, Materia snapped her fingers, and Mario found himself back in the Smashers' Box, with Shulk looking at him concernedly, "You okay boss? You kinda blanked out for a minute there."
"Yeah there's just…been a breakthrough."
Mario dialed a number on his communicator. The logo for Smashcraft R appeared. Immediately, the image of an old man with messy hair chugging a beer projected from his watch.
"What?" growled the old man, "We were just getting ready for the show up here,"
"I need you to search all possible reality warping technology in the omniverse Rick, can you do that?"
"In my damn sleep bitch. You think I…"
Rick burped loud and long.
"You think I ain't got a rolodex of dumb shit like that already?"
"I'm not doubting you. Just do it," war Mario's order, calm, yet biting.
"Gotcha, mustached gestapo," Rick saluted, once again beltching.
As Rick's holographic image disappeared, Mario turned back to his headset.
"Sorry, we're live in 3, 2, 1."