Round 4: Day Zero

Smash Mansion: Dining Hall

Luigi

"WOO! TACOS!" cheered Daisy the first out to teleport into the mansion.

Luigi was next, followed by the cascade of others. The hungry Smashers murmured happily, a caterwauling of noise peaking as the entire group popped in.

"Grazi mi familia. Mangiamo," declared Mario.

Sonic zoomed forward to be the first person in the front of the buffet line, Daisy was second, pulling the third, Luigi by the arm, almost pulling the limb out of the socket.

"Jesus Daisy," Sonic laughed, grabbing a soft shell with serving tongs, "And I thought I was fast."

"You ain't seen someone deny her food." Luigi laughed back.

"Indeed," Peach said, slipping into line daintily behind her best friend's new fiance, "But Luigi more than makes up for my friend's lack of etiquette."

Luigi was glad he had to look away to scoop shredded cheese into his hard-shelled taco, "That makes my entire day Peachy, thank you."

"You're friendly and committed to anything you want to achieve. Even something as daunting as politics will come naturally to you."

"Yeah," agreed Daisy, herself at the cheese station, "We'll do it together Weegie,"

"I know we will. If I'm able to perfect the Green Missle while you're around, imagine what we can pull off in the world of politics?"

"Oh totally, we're gonna kick ass," Daisy announced.

A small giggle escaped Peach. The three having stacked their tacos high with meat, cheese, veggies, and sauce found a table.

"Ey Peach," Daisy mumbled through a mouth full of food, "Where's your beau?"

Peach took a dainty bite of taco, chewing quietly, and swallowing

"Oh you know, chatting with everyone," Peach explained, "He acts like he wouldn't be a suitable king, but nothing could be further from the truth."

"Ohmigawd," gasped Daisy, "Are you gonna…?"

Peach giggled once again, "Oh heavens no, not yet. Not until after your wedding, at least. We both agreed it'd be uncouth."

"Both agreed?" Luigi repeated, nearly choking on his most recent bite of food, "So it's a mutual thing?"

"Yes," Peach nodded, "Mario has some…what's the best way to phrase this…hangups about the tradition of proposing from his time with Mayor Pauline."

"I lived with him at the time, you have no idea," Luigi grimaced, "If I haveta hear Mario stress over the price of a ring again I'm gonna lose my mind-a."

"Yes," Peach nodded sagely, "What's more, I've had my fill of wedding hullabaloo after Bowser's last breakdown."

"Oh Stars, you're right," a shiver reverberated in Daisy's realization.

"The bright side, however, was my vacation with Miss Tiara, visiting neighboring city-states I never would have. For example, I never would've thought to stock this taco buffet with vegetables from Lake Lamode," she explained.2

"MMM!" Daisy realized through a mouthful of food, "So that's why the tomatoes are so juicy!"

"Wait, you never visited those places, ever?" Luigi asked incredulously.

"As long as our neighbors aren't doing us harm or siding with the Koopas, I believe independence is the best course of action/"

"To a fault," growled a new voice.

King K. Rool stomped up to them rudely pulling up a seat.

"Where were you, Your Highness, when The Kongs destroyed our home, and then drove us from our ancestral home?"

"The fact that you're only bringing this up now is real weenie behavior dude," Daisy snapped.

"Oh, trust me, I wished to keep my interaction with you Mushroom Kingdom aristocrats to a minimum, but I've been asked a favor by an associate. I am to assist you in training against Donkey Kong."

Daisy shuddered, "Do we even wanna know who this associate is?"

King K. Rool's communicator rang. The crocodile licked his maw slowly and deliberately.

"That must be him."

King K. Rool keyed the holographic 'answer' button that appeared. His maw spread into a wicked smile as the voice on the other end began to speak.

"Oh Daisy, my darling, we must speak!" crowed the foppish voice on the line.

"Oh, um…" Daisy cleared her throat, "Greetings King Bob-omb!"

"Yes, greetings," hissed the suddenly aggravated king, "I saw your proposal, and I must beg that you reconsider my darling," King Bob-omb cried, "We were meant to be together, destined by the stars I dare say."

Daisy's fists clench, "Dude, get your fuse out of your…"

It was Luigi's turn to clear his throat. "Sarasland would love to associate with the Bob-omb Kingdom. However, your association with the Koopas would put us in direct conflict with the Mushroom Kingdom, our strongest ally."

"Hmm, is that Luigi I hear?" purred King Bob-omb, "Normally, I would pay the street urchin no mind. However, he speaks sense. I must weigh what has been a fruitful relationship with the Koopa Kingdom, versus what my soul cries out for, to be at the service of the lovely Princess Daisy. I will consider all the options!"

The beeping of a disconnected call emanated from King K. Rool's communicator.

"Luigi, babe, what the hell did you just do?" asked Daisy, her voice quivering with shock.

"He wants to help me train," Luigi explained. "Which makes me think you've been misunderstanding what he wants, which with all the suitors you've had to deal with, makes sense on your end, but I think King Bob-omb wants to open up alliances with Sarasaland."

"Man you're right," gasped Daisy, "If this beef was about you, he woulda helped DK train or something."

"Right," Luigi confirmed, "And if we can tussle away King Bob-omb from the Koopas, we might be able to get the metal refineries Bowser's had free reign of."

"You're not even king yet Luigi, and yet you're maneuvering like one. Honestly, it's impressive."

"Oh hey Edelgard," Daisy waved, greeting the newest members of the gathering, "I guess this put the kibosh on the dinner plans for tonight eh?"

"Yes," Hubert bemoaned, "That and Dorothea suggested going clubbing tonight, and possibly tomorrow, heaven forbid."

"Sounds cool!" Daisy cheered.

"I agree," Edelgard, "We will allow Dorothea to pick the venue."

Hubert sighed, "Yes Your Highness."

"This Dorothea chick sounds like a great hang."

A small grin formed on Edelgard's face.

"Oh, you have no idea."

Donkey Kong

Donkey and Diddy watched King K. Rool walk away from Daisy and Luigi, the former taking a begrudging bite of his taco.

"Would be better with bananas," muttered DK.

"Would you please scout the competition with me!" Diddy begged, "Who was Green Mario talking to, and why was he talking to him? Didn't think the plumbers associated with Bowser's minions outside of the policy stuff."

Donkey Kong huffed disinterestedly, " That's King Bob-omb, and he wants Daisy,"

"That's who that was?"

"Yeah," Donkey Kong said, "I'd recognize any of Bowser's top lieutenants anywhere. He sicced them on us to try to become the leader of the Mario Kart committee."

"That was the circuit that happened right before Subspace right?" Diddy asked.

"Yeah. And I know just how we can fire back," DK added, a mischievous grin on his face as he stood up.

He made his way to the furthest left corner of the table where Bowser was socializing with the Phantom Thieves.

"Yeah guys, I'm sorry I asked you to train my Junior and Petey. That was selfish of me, considering I haven't exactly treated you kindly."

"Did Mario tell you to apologize?" chided DK.

"NO!" Bowser said, his fatherly demure melting away into that of a tyrannical king. "And what do you want, ya big hairy neanderthal?"

"Luigi has drafted King K. Rool to get the inside scoop on me. You've fought the Mario Bros enough, surely you have some insight."

"Sure do!" Bowser laughed, "For money."

"Name your price," Donkey Kong snapped.

Bowser rubbed his scaly hands together, "Oooh, I like it. We'll have banana scones in the city tomorrow, just you and me."

Donkey Kong's eyes went wide, licking his lips, "Deal!"

"See kids, that's a free lesson from the king, hone in on what people desire most, and use it to make people do what you want."

"Jesus, you sound like Kamoshida," sneered Ann.

"And this just became a to-go meal I believe," Ren said.

"Sweet!" Futaba cheered, "To the arcade!"

The orange-haired girl scooped up her plate, running as fast as she could to the basement level.

"Geez." Ryuji balked, "Who knew she could run that fast."

"Nothing comes between Futaba and her video games," laughed Makoto, sharing a chuckle with the rest of the Phantom Thieves as they followed their tech-savvy teammate.

"Oh shit, I almost forgot," Ryuji realized, "Yo Banjo, Kazooie, you wanna come down to the arcade with us."

"You're damn right we do," cheered Kazooie as the Thieves walked past, "C'mon Banjo,"

Without a word, the bear stood, following their new comrades.

Zelda

"Hah, look at Ganondorf bothering Samus to train with him," snickered Young Link.

"And Bayo looks like she's about to kill him," Toon Link snickered back.

"Would she?" asked Young Link worriedly.

"I mean, she hasn't killed anyone here yet, but this might be the one. What do you think Princess?"

His smile faltered when he got no response.

"Zel-"

Snapping his gaze to Zelda, he frowned. The princess sat forlorn, her carefully crafted taco salad sitting undisturbed.

"You would think I'd be used to this, having fought Ganondorf as many times through the ages as we have," she announced, not making eye contact with any of the three Links.

Link nodded solemnly, Toon's eyes flicking between him and Young Link, who snickered at the drama with Ganondorf, completely unaware.

"Aye," Link finally concluded, "He gives off a dark aura, one that never ceases to be intimidating."

It was at that moment that Toon Link's eyes grew wider than usual, taking a comically large bite of an overflowing taco as if to punctuate his realization.

"Do you think it has something to do with the Triforce?"

"Yes," was Zelda's hushed, embarrassed determination, "The Triforce always cries out when a battle between its wielders draws near. It's a sensation I've prepared for all my life, and yet, I'm driven to a mewling Cocco chicklet by it. I've even neglected poor Erdrick."

\ "I heard my name," declared a jovial Erdrick, striding down the length of the table to join the Hyrulians.

"Oh Erdrick," said Zelda, "Does my poor treatment of you since our dinner date not affect you?"

"You were a phenomenal date. It's been a while since I've had as much fun discussing bestiaries and the like. I've also been made aware that this is a normal phenomenon. The people on the television call it ghosting."

The smallest of smiles escaped Zelda's lips.

"And besides, it would be uncouth of me to judge the burden the Triforce places on you, especially as a battle draws near. Worry not, my dear Zelda, for you shall always have an ally in me."

The princess and the adventurer were so busy with their hastily reddening cheeks that they didn't notice the Links share approving nods.

"And me as well young lady!" boomed Captain Falcon, himself striding up to the forming group.

"I thought you'd come to terms with training evil's bane Cap," joked Link.

"I am in the grander sense, but I would love to contribute to that guy getting knocked down a peg. He hasn't even sent me a thank you card for the training!"

"So what?" Erdrick asked the group, "We train tomorrow."

"I'd also like to invite the champions again."

Eagerly, Erdrick nodded, "Aye! I look forward to testing my mettle against them once again."

The conversation was punctuated by a Captain Falcon, "YES!"

Ganondorf

Much like the younger Links had described, Bayonetta bore her indignant eyes at Ganondorf, who stared right back, a wicked smile widening seemingly with each passing second.

"I won't stop asking," Ganondorf explained, "You, Miss Aran, are the closest analog to Zelda we have, or at least the only one I respect enough to train."

"Oh, lucky me," Samus groaned, emptying a cup of birdseed into her mouth.

"You have moxy Ganondorf, I'll tell you that. Hideously misplaced moxy, but moxy nonetheless," Bayonetta began, "Truthfully, I've been looking to get you in the ring ever since the last tournament. If you can beat me in a one-stock battle, with no items, I'll allow you to train with Samus. If not, you will not be allowed near her."

Ganondorf grunted indignantly, "You are aware that there's no physical contact allowed outside of consenting sparring sessions."

Bayonetta whipped the herb lollipop she was sucking on to point it at Ganondorf, "I'm aware you condescending asshole. But, if you harass Samus after a loss, it will be, as the young people say, 'on sight,"

"And you say I have moxy. Meet me tomorrow, before sunrise. You'll be receiving your marching orders soon after Miss Aran."

With a haughty laugh, Ganondorf rose from his seat, striding away.

"You know I can take care of myself," Samus glanced at Bayonetta with a hissing whisper.

Bayonetta shrugged, "What can I say? I love defending my little kitten."

"Call me that again," was the threatening reply

"Ki-tten," Bayonetta whispered, putting venom on both syllables

Before the Umbra Witch could comprehend what was happening, Samus had her by the hand, pulling her away from the giant table and up the spiral staircase.

"I'll have what they're having," Palutena whispered to the person next to her, Subject Zero.

"YOUNG LADY, THERE ARE CHILDREN PRESENT!" Mister Game and Watch crowed.

"Young…We've been over this old man, I'm a goddess, I was here at the creation of my universe."

"I was here at the creation of Multiverse you nincompoop! You young people, and your insolence," Game and Watch huffed, walking out of the dining room.

"Does that mean," Marth, sitting on Palutena's other side, "That Mister Game and Watch is older than the universe?"

"Never mind that," sighed Roy, "He was so quiet for so long."

Palutena shrugged, eating the rest of her taco, "Someone would have knocked him out of it anyway. I'm going to bed anyway."

"No!" Roy begged, "Don't leave him here with-"

And with that, Palutena teleported away.

"Now that that arrogant young lady is gone, I'm in a good mood," rambled Mister Game and Watch. "Why, I could almost regale you with the tale of my adventures against the mighty octopus!"

As Mister Game and Watch droned on, Roy texted Marth.

Kill me.

Marth held a snicker in as Mister Game and Watch told the story they'd been hearing since the Melee days.

Our suffering will be short. Eventually, a young person will breathe, drawing Mister Game and Watch's ire.

Roy snickered, staring straight ahead so as not to anger Game and Watch.

Red

Red and Green had immediately gotten their food and moved to the courtyard. All six of their Pokemon happily munched at their bowls of kibble, the two trainers sat on a bench at the edge of the courtyard.

"Look at them," Green sighed as Rillaboom mumbled a joke that caused the other five to laugh, "It's like they're a family again."

"Yeah. Although my guys could've stood to be less dramatic about it."

Green raised a quizzical eyebrow.

"I mean," Red insisted, "We've fought Blue plenty, and they never held a strike over it."

"You and Blue are different," Green explained, "They expected you to bicker, they expect you to not listen when Blue says some ole shite."

Red grinned, "There you go with that Galar talk. It's kinda grown on me honestly."

"Look at you," Green joked, "Being less of a jackass with every passing day."

Red playfully stuck out his tongue.

"You know," Green observed, "When you've got a date with a girl tomorrow, acting like a five-year-old isn't the way to ensure that date commences."

Red laughed, taking Green's hand, "If that bothered you, you would've bounced by now."

"Red used Counter. It's super effective." Green giggled, leaning her head closer to Red's.

In response, he inched closer "What am I, some kinda normal type?"

"Doduo's always been my favorite Pokemon, much like you're my favorite guy."

She inched closer. All they had to do was pucker their lips at this point.

"EY1 LEON!" came a voice from the thrown-open Mansion doors, "We hitting up Gym Leader Castle tomorrow, to watch some of that Pokemon crap?"

Wolf marched by them, making sure they caught a glance of their shit-eating grin.

"And you got the booth. Good. All that's left to do is get drunk and you know it Powalski."

With that, Wolf stepped through a portal. From what Red could see, it was a dingy bar full of armored anthropomorphic apes, the string of curses and slurs cutting off as soon as the portal closed."

"He's scouting the Gym Leader Castle?" shivered Squirtle, "That's not good."

Ivysaur groaned, "Kid, what could he possibly learn?"

"He will learn nothing, judging by how seriously he appears to be taking this," Intelleon said.

"Aye," Rillaboom agreed, "Nuthin he could learn would do him any good in that amount o' time, even if he weren't some thick chowderhead."

"Right," nodded the timid Cinderace.

"Huh," Squirtle pondered, "I guess you're right."

"Yeah," Charizard agreed, "It turns out these Galar guys know a thing or two about a thing or two."

Green suppressed a honking laugh as their Pokemon turned back to their dinner.

"If you've got approval from Charizard, we've officially reached complete synergy."

"You should've known all it was gonna take was a battle."

"Well," Green stammered, "It's more than that, he was waiting for you to change your battle tactics too. That could be another reason why your team laid down their arms. As for me, well I was more concerned about whether you and I would talk again. I knew your Pokemon would come around.."

"You didn't exactly do your best at showing it!" Red protested.

To this, Green stuck her tongue out.

"You're doing it too!" Red protested, "You're not above acting like a kid!"

A laugh quickly turned into a ponderous expression.

"Speaking of kids, I figured the rest of the gang would be out to ruin this little moment."

"You haven't gotten the text boss?" Cinderace asked.

Ivysaur chuckled again, "Nah kid, they've been too busy going goo-goo for each other."

"What are the texts about?" Green demanded, Red snickering as she demanded the subject be changed.

"The way I'm seein' these texts, The Phantom Thieves started a game night, buncha people are there," Charizard explained.

"I've got the hottest game in town," cooed Green, nuzzling into Red's chest.

Red snuggled in, "You're so fucking lame."

Ken

"I met Ivy Valentine, she is a great warrior, if not a little conniving," Ryu was explaining.

Ken held back a grin as he saw Jin Kazama glance around the group that had formed, the Street Fighter, Tekken, King of Fighters, and Soul Calibur contingents having joined together in a meeting of the minds. Ryu's dry delivery took some getting used to, and having known Ryu the longest, Ken took a sardonic joy in watching others experience it.

"Indubitably1' Yoshimitsu agreed, "Lady Sophitia and Master Kilik don't seem to think Lady Ivy is beyond help, so that is enough of a seal of approval for thy."

" That name sounds familiar. Was that during the All-Star bullshit?" Terry asked.

"It was,"

"Agh! How can you be so nice about it Ryu?" protested Terry, "That woman was ruthless."

Ryu sighed, "People are shaped by their environment. Anyone can be introduced to a new environment and redirected."

" We do have several genocidal people on our roster who haven't committed genocide as of yet," Jin observed.

"Which is hilarious, coming from you." Terry snapped.

Jin's brow furrowed, "I told you, it was a…"

"Yeah yeah, Aztec monster god of destruction and all," Terry interrupted. But that still doesn't mean you didn't…"

"I know," Jin growled, "And I'm trying to rectify that, unlike my father."

"Oh, how is ole Kazuya?" Ken asked.

"You can imagine that we don't speak often. He turned down an offer to go to the dimension of villains, because that would mean working with my grandfather, and hasn't spoken to us because that would mean working with me. Mario assures me his communications are being monitored, and nothing's flagged ROB's sensors," Jin explained.

"Huh, he's been behaving himself? That doesn't sound like the Kazuya I know!" balked Chun-Li.

Jin gave her a knowing nod, "It's as much a surprise to me as it is to you detective, believe me. He goes to the tournaments in his G-Corporation box, and then has meals delivered."

"Keeping a low profile, what a wild card," said Ryu.

"Speaking of a wild card, where did Master Quinn run off to?" asked Yoshimitsu.

"Dunno," Ken shrugged, "He looked like he got a text when we were in the buffet line, then he ran off with Rosalina to the pool.."

Jin's communicator beeped several times.

"Xaioyu's texting, please excuse me."

As Jin rose from his seat, heading towards the grand staircase, Chun-Li's eyes widened, "Never mind that this place has a pool?"

"Yeah!" Terry laughed, "Apparently it's above the game room. That's where my lady is."

"Heh, boring are we?" teased Yoshimitsu.

Terry shrugged, "Apparently relaxing in something equivalent to a hot spring has been a thing she's been into since she was a kid, textbook rich people shit."

"Ignorant American," Chun-Li tutted teasingly.

"Hey, don't tease him," Ken laughed, "He thinks TGI Friday's is fine dining!"

Terry laughed back, "Hey if the last Mark of the Millenium Tourney was any indication, you're as big a believer in post-fight Jello shots as I am. Besides, if Quinn can adapt to dating royalty, so can I."

"It also helps that Rosalina is as awkward as he is."

The fighters laughed, finally turning back to their meals.

Quinn

Smash Mansion Pool Room

Come to Honda's Yakisoba at sunrise tomorrow comrade

Quinn couldn't take his eyes off the text he'd gotten at Round 3's end. Devoid of Zangief's usual jovial nature, the order was as vague as it was threatening. Quinn's mind reeled through all the possible hells the Russian and his Japanese understudy had in mind for him.

"Ya know," barked Nana from the adjacent hot tub, "When a hottie like Rosa's trying to show off, you should take notice."

Quinn snapped his gaze to the soaking climbing pair. Despite having lived with them for a long time now, he couldn't parse their new, toned adult forms, considering all the footage he'd ever seen of them was from their much younger years.

"I'm not splayed out!" Rosalina protested

Quinn didn't even have to look. She was not splayed out aboard the inflatable pool chair.

"Now now Climbers," scolded Corrin, laid out on one of the beach chairs reading a book, "Let's not make fun. Quinn's got work to do, unlike the rest of us."

"Now now Climbers," Nana mocked in a nasal voice.

Popo simply sank underwater, and Quinn chuckled.

"No," Rosalina declared, "Lady Corrin is correct. Quinn has a right to be concerned. Furthermore, I don't do this to show off for him."

Popo came up for air.

"Why the hell else would a girl layout like that?" snapped Nana.

Popo went back underwater.

"Can a woman not lay in an inflatable pool chair without being for the benefit of a man?"

"I guess," Nana said, departing the hot tub as Popo sloshed out to follow, "Never gonna get you gals, with your perfect asses and your laid back relatable ass shit."

Quinn couldn't help but sneak a glance at Nana. Even in a one-piece pink bathing suit, her toned arms and legs were something to behold indeed.

"But Quinn, I am curious," Rosalina asked, "Do you like the outfit?"

For the first time since they'd arrived at the pool, Quinn caught a glimpse of Rosalina's swimwear. The wrap she wore was turquoise, dotted with star patterns.

"I do like it," Quinn nodded, "It's very you."

Rosalina offered him a smile just as Corrin put down her fit, "I do like that. Where'd you get it."

"A shop on Peach Beach? Daisy, Peach, and I went at the end of Duel. I think he has a shop in the Mario section of the city."

"Terry might find something there, he loves the beach…what's the word, vibe?."

Quinn nodded, "Yeah, vibe,"

At that moment, Corrin's communicator rang.

"And speaking of Terry," Corrin announced as she read the text, "He is requesting we spend some time together in his room. Farewell."

Corrin stood, scooping her book into her arms, and scuttling out of the room.

As soon as Corrin was out of earshot Rosalina whispered, " Did you see that bottom Corrin was wearing Nana was not lying about perfect asses."

Quinn raised an eyebrow, "She wasn't, but first of all, has she ever shown that much skin, and second of all, when have you ever talked like that?"

"I believe Master Bogard is shedding away Corrin's shy exterior. I've also noticed that much like Master Bogard is rubbing off on Lady Corrin, as you can see, you're rubbing off on me."

"How so?" Quinn asked.

"In much the same way Corrin is to Terry," Rosalina reiterated, "I can't remember the last time I spent time with anyone who wasn't a Mushroom Kingdomite."

"Well thanks," a bashful Quinn remarked, "But I'm not exactly a social butterfly back home either. I just happen to have a couple of different crews here."

"Because you're friendly and willing to learn," Rosalina said, "That's what I'm trying to do

Quinn rubbed the back of his head, "Well, You're rubbing off on me too ya know," remarked Quinn with a smile, "Such as adhering to a reasonable bedtime."

Rosalina giggled, floating over to Quinn and taking his hand, the two leaving the pool room together.

Cloud

Cloud spotted Snake across the long table almost immediately. One of the few Smashers without a taco feast in front of him, sipping from a glass of whiskey instead, Cloud took the seat next to him, black coffee in hand.

"Black coffee? This time of night?" Snake asked.

"Thought you didn't sleep because of Sonic and Isabelle?"

"At least I attempt it." was Snake's gruff reply.

Cloud shrugged, "Touche."

Snake could only marvel at Cloud's hair as it stayed perfectly in place despite the sword-wielding man whipping his head around to check his surroundings.

"Speaking of," Cloud asked, "Where are those two?"

"Isabelle insisted they host some sort of get-together on Smashcraft R with the Fist of the Northstar people."

"Fist of the what?" asked Cloud.

"Some assignment he and Ryu got sent on between the Duel Tournament and this one. I don't understand the significance myself, but that was the closest I've seen Otacon to having a brain aneurysm since the time I was in the elevator with the invisible soldiers."

Cloud chuckled, "Really a shame we haven't gotten together with our crews and traded war stories."

Snake nodded, "My team is free, considering all my people are out."

"Is that the only reason why you haven't suggested it? Been too busy?"

Snake grumbled.

"You can see right through me. Honestly, I kinda wanted to protect Otacon from all of you. Thought he nerded out in our game film study a bit too much"

"Please, I have Yuffie in my crew. I'm used to social faux pas."

Now it was Snake's turn to laugh.

"And besides," he winked, "I didn't want to get in the way of your training."

"I might put in a few rounds, but I don't think I'm gonna go as hard as I have the last couple of rounds. It's not like my opponents are taking it seriously."

Banjo-Kazooie

Game Room

"Jiggywiggy…" Kazooie gasped.

Before Banjo had the time to take in the scene, Kazooie squawked so loud that Banjo reflexively covered his ears.

"IT'S BEAUTIFUL!" she cried.

It was here that Banjo took in the scene. 16 CRT televisions had been set up in neat horizontal rows, Futaba standing at the front of the room.

"I know," Futaba cackled, "This'd put a tear in ole John Carmack's eye wouldn't it?"

"Who?" Kazooie asked sarcastically.

"Um, he programmed Doom?" Ryuji scoffed, already sitting in one of the rows with the rest of the Phantom Thieves

"I know dumbass," snapped Kazooie, "But if he ain't British, his accomplishments don't matter to me."

"Do you know how many copies of the original Doom got shipped out?" countered Ryuji.

"How many people paid for them blondie?"

Futaba cackled to Ryuji's sputtering, "He got you there Skull."

"Did somebody say skull?" Sans asked as he teleported into the room.

Ness at the very front of the room, facepalmed. The person next to him, Lucas, giggled.

"Ey!" shouted a voice from the left-most corner, Falco, the other Star Fox Smashers on his opposite sides, "Can we cut the bullshit and just get to the friggin' game?"

"We can," Futaba nodded, "This, my friends, is Mario Kart Double Dash LAN. Behold, the majesty of a Local Area Network! Behold it!"

"Um…Futaba?" Makoto piped in, "Shouldn't you explain how to play?."

"Oh, you're right, sorry," she murmured.

At that moment, Kazooie leaped out of Banjo's backpack settling into a chair, while Banjo took the one next to her.

"You remember this one Banjo?" Kazooie whispered.

"Oh yeah, but we had to put the Gamecube in storage right after the Microsoft purchase, so it's been a while."

"I played it at Bottles' house while you were training," Kazooie giggled as Futaba wrapped up the explanations, "Just follow me lead honey bear, we got dis."

"Teams? Y'all know I gotta carry Inari, so he's spoken for." Futaba asked as she slid into her seat.

"Me and Banjo!" Kazooie hooted.
"I'd like to team with Renren obviously," Ann offered.

"Krystal will be with me," Fox explained, as Krystal let out a relieved sigh.

"Yo Makoto, you wanna team up with me?" Ryuji asked.

"Sure," she said with a nod.

"Um. Mister Lombardi, will you team up with me?"

Falco chuckled, "Sure Haru,"

"Guys please," Cuphead begged.

"Sorry Cuphead, it's me and Lucas!" Ness shouted.

"Yeah, sorry," Lucas added much more meekly.

Cuphead sighed, "Aw graham crackers,"

"What's a matter kid," Sans laughed, "Us Mii Gunners have to show up these other losers."

"What?" Cuphead balked, "We aren't Mii Gunners. That's that retired cop lady ain't it?"

"Listen, 2018 was a different time," Sans said, waggling his newly-manifested eyebrows mysteriously.

"Alright, so characters. Dibs on Waluigi!" Futaba announced.

The contingent talked amongst each other as their characters were chosen.

"Haha, look at these nerds, going for the canon teams," snickered Kazooie.

"Fox an' Krystal have the right idea usin' the Toads for the Golden Mushroom powerup," Banjo admitted.

"Yeah but Ren and Ann are using Mario and Luigi for fuck's sake. Who uses them?" Kazooie chirped.

"If I've told you once I've told you a thousand times, you gotta let people be normies Kazooie," lectured Banjo

"Speaking of normie cheap shit, Sans is using Petey! Sod it, let's just rep our Kong Island homies!"

"Sounds good to me!" Banjo declared.

The director of this operation, Futaba, spoke up, "Alright so I was thinking for stage, we go to Baby Park, where legends are made!"

Ness and Lucas' cries against this were drowned out by the poor souls who didn't know anybody and Kazooie's evil cackling.

When the three racing pole lights lit up, All best-laid plans ceased to matter.

Kazooie was driving, so only having to press the item button occasionally meant that Banjo could watch the opposing teams play together in real-time. Falco, playing Paratroopa, drove with an almost frame-perfect precision while Haru, who played Baby Mario meekly through items at people. Sans barking at Cuphead to switch positions nearly every second meant that Petey Piranha and Baby Luigi were in the world's most chaotic dosey doe in second place. Then, the items came into play. Koopa shells and shouts from each of the players began to flood the room.

"HOW DO YOU DRIFT?" demanded Cuphead.

"Skill issue!" Futaba shot back, while Yusuke suppressed a laugh.

Four laps of nonsense passed them by in the blink of an eye. Ryuji, playing Wario as Makoto's Daisy piloted the Wario Car, got a star.

"DADADADADA!" Ryuji sang.

"Ugh," Yusuke groaned, throwing a red shell at Birdo, "If you're attempting to psych us out by being annoying, then I'm pleased to inform you that it's working."

"BWAHAHAHA!" Ness cheered, "GOT ME A BOWSER SHELL!"

"SHIT HE'S RIGHT I JUST PASSED…"

Kazooie's words were cut off by Ness deploying the special item.

"Nyeh heh heh heh!" Futaba cheered as the racers entered lap five, "This race is ours."

"I'm afraid not," Haru boasted, "Behold the power of the Barrell Train!"

"What?" guffawed Futaba, drifting around a corner, "How the hell do you know that?"

Haru's eyes glazed over, her usual sunny disposition replaced with a deadly serious declaration, "I've been reading forums for this moment. The Barrel Train's small frame allows it to have a smaller hitbox than the rest of its contemporaries."

Falco laughed as Lap 6 began, "Damn, I definitely backed the right horse in this one."

"So you say Falco, we just got Golden Mushrooms," Krystal shouted

The rest of the LAN party mumbled amongst each other as Lap 6 very quickly became Lap 7, with Krystal and Fox having pulled ahead of the usual forerunners.

"Let me drive now!" Krystal demanded of Fox.

"Um, sure."

With a smug chuckle, she began to effortlessly drift around corners.
"Knew this was gonna happen," Falco grumbled, visibly suppressing a smile.

"TELEPATHIC INHIBITORS!" Ness whined.

"Not in recreation kid," Falco laughed.

"You just telepathically jacked me!" Futaba shouted, "I know you did,"

"Giggity," mumbled Ryuji, earning a punch on the shoulder from Makoto.

"All's fair in love, war, and Mario Kart, or so they say," Krystal purred.

And with that, the Toads crossed the finish line, ending the race.

"YES!" Krystal cheered, she and Fox sharing a double high-five.

"Since when were you interested in games Blue?" Falco asked, "You always just used to watch us back in the day."

"Star Wolf's idea of a good time is drinking and doing drugs, and we couldn't do anything recreational on Kew, so I always said I'd indulge in stuff like that if I ever came back."

"Speaking of indulge," shouted Kazooie, "Anyone up for a rematch? We got fourth, and this will not stand."

"Gyuh-huh!" Banjo agreed.

"Yeah, we didn't throw a single one of them item doodads because Sans kept demanding we switch positions," Cuphead whined.

"Eh, it'll look funny in the clips later." Sans shrugged.

"Yeah, as long as Krystal doesn't read minds again, I think we're all good with rematches," Ryuji added.

"I'd rather not read Haru's mind again. There was a song about some sugary cereal on loop."

A blushing Haru shared a laugh with the rest of the LAN party as the next track was picked.

Dante

"And I said, man, isn't that the punchline to an anecdote?" Dante asked, having finished telling a story to Travis.

Travis let a smile form, but it faltered, Dante's laughter fell to a chuckle, and then nothing at all.

"You aren't worried?" Travis asked simply.

Dante raised an eyebrow, "Of Sephiroth? No. He's far from the first megalomaniac with a big trenchcoat and a god complex, and hopefully far from my last."

"Brother?"

"Now now Travis," mockingly tutted Dante, "He's mellowed out in his old age. Plus he's my main training partner, so I'd better not bite the hands that feed…or…um, trains in this case."

"I feel that, " Travis nodded gonna end up with Incineroar again tomorrow."

Dante's eyes widened, "Oh, for the thing the day after tomorrow?"

Travis dramatically tilted his signature sunglasses down, smiling at Dante.

"Yeah man, you coming?"

"I'll be in a booth with my crew and Sans' folk. Apparently, that fish lady he rolls with is very excited."

"I'm glad I'll have the best peanut gallery in the house then. I better get some rest," Travis said with a big yawn, "I'll see ya."

Dante waved him off as Travis departed. He heard footsteps on the roof above him, causing him and the Smashers around him to look up.

"Wonder if they still have stuff at the buffet," Dante wondered, "Old One-Winged Angel is harshing my vibe."

With that, Dante ambled back to the taco bar.

The party continued well into the night, everyone knowing that the real work, the road to Round 4, began tomorrow!