Is it up or down or am I spinnin'?
Let's go plan a party like it's New Year's Eve
We can toast the end and the beginnin'
~o0o~
"DAMMIT!" Elphaba stomped her foot against the carriage door.
Fiyero jerked awake. "I didn't do it!"
"Hey! You're going to pay for that!" Av snapped at her.
"GET BENT!" Elphaba hurled her book at him and stormed off.
Her rage and hopelessness bubbled up inside her. The air crackled, her chest felt hot, and tears had a grip on her throat. She knocked into a tree, which sent a sting of rage through her so she punched it several times, the leaves rattled above her.
"Hey!" Someone grabbed her arm.
"What?!" she shouted, whipping around on him.
Fiyero jerked back, but quickly recovered.
"You hurt my driver," he said, holding up the book she threw.
"Oh, good, you have eyes," she said. "Tell him to watch where he's going!"
Her voice wobbled and she quickly turned away towards the tree. It was hopeless. If she couldn't get herself out of this loop with magic, then what was going to set her free? Had she actually been killed that morning and this was just what the afterlife was like?
"Do you need help?" Fiyero asked.
"I don't know what you can do," she said as a decade and a half's worth of tears burbled up. "I'm trapped. I don't know what to do!"
She sank to the ground and wailed. She hadn't afforded herself the luxury of crying since she was eight or nine years old. Tears often ended with punishment and yelling, so she learned to seal them away. Swallow them down. She was stone, nothing could shake her.
Yet now, she was bawling like a child in front of someone who she was a complete stranger to. Even as well as she knew him, more so than anyone outside her family, she would never have cried in front of him.
It didn't matter. No one would remember come 10:07 tomorrow.
She scrubbed at her face, not sure how she could get herself to stop.
Something white appeared in her vision. She let her glasses fall back over her eyes to find Fiyero holding a handkerchief. She took it, pulled her glasses off, and pressed it to her face.
"I find that breathing in a bag can help," he said, opening his satchel and taking out a paper bag.
"Hi! Are you looking for something? Or someone?"
Fiyero quickly stuffed the bag away.
Oh, Oz, not Galinda. Elphaba didn't want to deal with her, though she was quickly learning Pfannee and ShenShen were worse. Milla was dumb and just parroted what was said.
"Oh, the Artichoke is crying!" Pfannee gasped. "I didn't even know it was capable of human emotion!"
"What's the matter?" ShenShen chimed. "Get rejected by His Highness? Not sure what you expected, he does have standards."
"Hey, nobody's being rejected here," said Fiyero. "She's just having a hard time." He put a hand on Elphaba's back. "Do you have any friends I can help you to?"
"I don't have anybody," she croaked and used the handkerchief to scrub her cheeks. "I'm sorry. You have a party to plan, I'm screwing everything up. Oz, I wish I was dead."
She put her glasses back on and transformed into a raven.
"Whoa!" Fiyero gasped.
Elphaba flew to Crage Hall. Thankfully, the window was open. Galinda liked to open it on nice days to keep the room from getting stuffy.
Elphaba landed in the sitting area and turned back into a human. Fresh tears spilled over. She undressed down to her slip, pulled her hair out of its plait, and climbed into bed, intending to stay there until the loop reset.
Why couldn't this loop have started from when she woke up in the morning? She hated having to be in front of everyone like that. No choice but to interact.
Eventually, her tears were spent, but she couldn't doze off despite her exhaustion. She didn't want to open her eyes to that stupid carriage.
After a while the lock clicked and Elphaba remembered Galinda and her crew often got ready there for the party.
Elphaba pursed her lips and sighed heavily. Well, she wasn't moving.
"She's here," said Galinda.
"Can we skip the insults?" Elphaba asked. "I'm not in the mood."
"I… wasn't planning on insulting you," said a new voice.
She looked over her shoulder to see Fiyero standing there with his hands in his pockets.
"Why are you here?" she asked.
"I thought you could use some cheering up."
"I'm not going to your party."
"I have something else in mind," he said. "The party is still on though. Maybe you'll change your mind."
Elphaba pursed her lips and looked at Galinda.
"Do you plan on getting ready here with those three?"
"Yes," she said, studying Fiyero as if he were a very fascinating bug.
Elphaba sighed. "Very well."
Normally, she would have balked at anyone seeing her down to her slip, but she really didn't care at this point. It wasn't like anyone thought of her like that. She flung back the covers and got up, pushing her hair back.
"Hah!"
She looked at Fiyero.
"What?"
He blinked slowly and his throat bobbed as he swallowed hard.
"Uh… nothing, you're just tall," he said and sped across the room to sit down in the arm chair. "I'll just wait for you to get ready."
Elphaba rolled her eyes and opened her closet. She grabbed a purple frock and scooped up her corset before ducking into the bathroom to dress and wash the salt off her face.
She gathered her hair over her shoulder, but couldn't muster the energy to plait it. She sighed heavily and left it alone, stepping out. She took out the flats with the ribbons and put them on.
"Okay. I'm ready."
"Aren't you going to put on some makeup?" Galinda asked.
"What good would that do?" Elphaba huffed and put her wallet into her pocket. "Let's go."
"Uh, right," Fiyero said, still seeming mystified for some reason.
He hopped to his feet and they headed into the city. Elphaba kept her eyes to the ground.
"So, Your Highness," she said. "What's your cure for the blues?"
"Well, Grandmama always said that if you hate the world: eat; if the world hates you: sleep; and if you hate yourself: take a bath," he said. "So I thought I'd start with getting you something to eat. There's a little place I know."
"How often do you visit Shiz?" she asked.
"Not often," he admitted. "My family has business here once in a while. Never really went to the Shiz U side, but we always liked to stop by this hole in the wall place. It's owned by a Quadling family, they have the best barbecue and curry. Gillikin curry is usually on the sweeter side, but this stuff has a kick to it. It's a great place to eat at after seeing a show. Ever been?"
"I've walked through it, but I've never seen a show," she said. "Back home, there's the puppet theater in the town square I sometimes liked to watch. There is a theatre in town but…"
She didn't get to go.
"It's great," he said. "Vaudeville, stand up, musicals, plays, burlesque, they got something for everyone. There's also a lot of art galleries and bars with excellent jazz. Do you like jazz?"
"I don't know. Father only allows music when we have dinner and even then I only play classical music. We don't have a radio and our record collection is limited to Unionist worship music."
"Oh. You're Unionist?"
He seemed wary of that.
"Only unions I care about are worker's unions," she said. "My sister is devout. I'm an atheist, but the lifestyle is forced upon me."
"Sorry to hear that," he said and opened what looked like a normal front door painted a bright yellow. "Here we are! After you."
She stepped in. It was a very small place and the air was heady with the scent of cooking. There were a few people sitting and eating.
A plump woman dressed in brightly colored garb approached them.
"Fiyero!" she said. "It's been too long! Have a seat."
"Hello, Roan," said Fiyero, placing a hand on his chest and bowing his head. "I'll be visiting a lot more, I go to school in Shiz now."
"Good to hear! Is this your girlfriend? She is beautiful! I'll get you something to eat now."
Fiyero pulled a chair out for Elphaba. She sat down, trying to decipher what she was feeling about being mistaken for Fiyero's girlfriend.
"There's no menu," she noted.
"Roan decides what you need," said Fiyero, sitting down.
"You know, I would have managed on my own," she said. "I'm sure you're busy with your party planning."
"Well, Miss…" he paused. "This is embarrassing to admit, but I don't know your name."
"Elphaba."
"Miss Elphaba," he repeated, "I have this problem where if I come across a damsel in distress I have the need to do something about it. Occupational hazard."
She smirked.
Roan gave them both glasses of water and a pot of tea and bustled back to the kitchen.
"So, what's got you feeling so trapped?" Fiyero asked.
"It's an endless cycle of misery," Elphaba sighed. "No matter what I do, how many books I read or skilled I get at magic, I can't break free."
"Well, maybe it's too many books," said Fiyero.
Oh, Oz, his dancing through life schtick.
"Too many people spend their lives trying to better themselves," he said. "They think the more books they read, the more money they make, the more successful they are will make them the best. You can read a cookbook, but it's not going to make you a master chef, you have to get in the kitchen and create."
"I don't understand," she said. "I'm performing the magic I read about and excelling."
He hummed and thought a moment.
"Okay, different analogy," he said. "Have you ever been to the Vinkus?"
"No, but I've read about it."
"Ah-ha! See you can read about my country, but what you're getting is a window from someone else's point of view. You can only truly know it by going there yourself. Interact with people, eat the food, participating. Life can't be read about in books, you have to get out there and live it!"
"Is that what you do?" she asked.
He frowned and looked down at his water glass.
"Not as much as I should, I guess," he said. "I'm just really stupid."
Elphaba studied him.
"I don't think you are," she said. "If you were, I doubt it'd bother you so much. I think I see what you're saying. Maybe I'm hitting my head against a brick wall, hoping for a different result and just giving myself a bigger headache."
"Exactly," he said. "Getting out and about like this should help."
Elphaba wondered if maybe he had a point to his Dancing Through Life thing. Maybe not as extreme, but there had to be a happy medium, didn't there?
She sighed softly and looked up to see him staring.
"What?"
"Are you a fairy?" he asked, then scoffed. "Sorry, stupid question, of course you are. Why else would you have green skin?"
"My parents are human," she said. "We don't know why I have green skin."
He made a face like he didn't believe her.
"I was raised to believe that those with fairy blood were unique and exceptional at magic," he said. "Most Ozians have some in them from the old days, that's why everyone has a little bit of magic to them."
Roan placed their food down on the table. It looked delicious. There were roasted vegetables, a fluffy pillow of golden rice, a steaming bowl of curry, and a glistening plate of barbecued ribs.
"Eat. You're too skinny," she said, pinching Elphaba's shoulder and taking it upon herself to load up her plate.
Elphaba picked up her spoon and Fiyero hissed.
"Oh, gods, maybe I should've gotten you some ice first," he said.
She looked at her swollen and bruised hand. It hurt, but she didn't care.
"Whatever," she said and scooped some curry onto her plate.
She really hadn't been eating much in these loops. Not that she was fond of eating to begin with. This food did look good, though. She glanced up to see him still staring at her.
"Can you please not watch me eat?" she sighed.
"Oh. Sorry," he said and looked down at his plate. "I just wanted to know your impression of the food."
She took a bite and closed her eyes. It was wonderful. Spicy and warm with a slight sweetness like oranges.
"It's delicious," she said.
"Isn't it? This is one of my favorite restaurants."
After a few more bites, she looked up at him. "What makes you think I'm a fairy? The main reactions I get are monster, demon, and freak."
"Really?" he frowned. "But you have green skin. Like the springtime fae."
"Springtime fae?"
"They were the fairies of the west," he said. "Back when Oz was new before the seasons needed help changing, there were four seasonal fairy races. The green-skinned spring fairies of the west, the blue-skinned winter fairies of the north, the golden-skinned autumn fairies of the east, and the red-skinned fairies of summer in the south. And they would all work together to keep everything balanced."
"And why did they stop?" Elphaba asked.
"Times change," said Fiyero. "The world got used to moving on its own. Much as we try, nothing lasts forever. Things evolve. Even the 'old ways' change. Fifty years ago, men and women went to different temples, now people go where they feel the strongest connection."
He went on for a bit about how his people's traditions have changed, then paused and winced.
"Sorry, I'm rambling, aren't I?"
"I found it rather interesting," said Elphaba, bringing her spoon back down to find her plate empty.
She scooped a little bit more food on her plate and sipped her tea. She found it cut the oiliness of some of the dishes.
"I suppose a fairy isn't the worst thing to be compared to," she said, feeling a little shy. "It's actually the nicest thing anyone has ever said about me."
Fiyero laughed then saw she was serious.
"Oh."
Elphaba twirled her spoon in her fingers turning it to a flower and back again.
"Whether it's true or not, I doubt anyone would actually treat me differently if I was a fairy," she said.
"How do they treat you?"
"Well, you know how you have a wolf pack tearing apart a rabbit and there's one runty, weak wolf that hangs around the edges of the pack hoping for scraps?"
"Yeah?"
"I'm the rabbit," she said.
"Ah."
"I've come to expect it," she said. "Maybe I should take a page out of your book. Dance through life, not try so hard, and maybe being the Head Maid for the rest of my life won't hurt so much."
"Well, no wonder," said Fiyero.
"What?"
"Why you sounded so heartbroken."
Roan came back with more tea and placed a dessert in front of them.
"Always room for dessert," she said, putting the check down, too.
Elphaba took a bite of the fritter filled with sweet cream. It was good. Really good.
She wanted to come back.
"Thank you for lunch," Elphaba said as they left.
"Day's just beginning," said Fiyero. "I know just the thing to cheer you up."
Elphaba allowed him to lead her to a large building. She could hear dogs barking, even outside.
The interior advertised dog training courses from simple obedience to obstacle course and show training.
"Hi there," said Fiyero to the Capybara at the counter.
"Right this way," she said, leading them to a side room.
It was empty for the moment and Elphaba was trying to figure out why Fiyero would bring her to a dog training facility and was uncertain if she should be offended.
"Have a seat right here," said the Capybara, gesturing to the middle of the room.
Elphaba sat down cross-legged and a bowl full of treats was placed in her lap.
The Capybara opened a door and whistled. Puppies ran into the room, yapping up a storm. They charged Elphaba and climbed onto her, licking her with little pink tongues. Elphaba shrieked and laughed, trying to hold all of them at once.
"They're so cute!" she gushed, completely forgetting herself. "Ohh, hello! Hello!"
They eventually got tuckered out and fell into a puppy pile around her. Elphaba tried not to cry. They were so tiny and she didn't have enough arms.
Fiyero sat across from her.
"This was very cruel, Fiyero," she said, nuzzling a chocolate puppy in her arms. "They're adorable and I can't take any of them home."
"Sorry about that," he chuckled. "So you are a dog person. I wasn't sure if you would like a puppy pile or a swarm of kittens."
"I do like dogs," said Elphaba. "When I was bout eight or nine, I adopted a puppy and hid him from my father for two months. He was furious when he found out."
"I'm more of a cat person," Fiyero admitted, scooping up a little golden puppy. "But I'm a fan of all animals even if they aren't fans of me. My littlest sister, though, can tame any creature."
"Oh, yeah?"
"Yeah. Horses that refuse to be ridden, feral cats, birds will just come down and perch on her shoulder. One time, when she was about five, she walked into court carrying a skunk!"
"Oh no! Did it spray anyone?"
Fiyero grinned and nodded.
"We were hosting a meeting between the rulers of Oz and I was wishing I was anywhere else. In walks Beatriu, begging to keep her new 'kitty'. And Governor Thropp makes this really snide comment about girls learning their place or something stupid like that, and the skunk climbed onto the table and sprayed him! He was so mad. My mother had to excuse herself, but we could all hear her laughing. Governor Thropp jumped around and tried to wipe it off."
He re-enacted the scene, still sitting down.
"Oh, that explains why when he returned home he declared he would never visit the Vinkus again," said Elphaba.
"Huh?"
"Governor Thropp is my father," she said and he blanched.
"I… I thought you said you were a servant."
"No, I am," she said. "I'm the Head Maid. I organize the butler, the cook, and the other two maids. I run the household and manage the budget. I have my own chores and I tend to my sister's every need. One day, she will become Governor and I will still do this until the day I die."
One of the dozing puppies started whimpering like it was having a nightmare. Elphaba scooped it up and cuddled it, instantly calming it.
"I'm sorry to hear that," said Fiyero.
"Well, at least I'm needed that way," she said. "If I'm useful, then I have a place to live."
"That's a pretty crappy way to live," he said.
"Glass stones and whatnot."
He twitched his eyebrow in concession.
Elphaba kissed the puppy in her arms on the head.
"I wish I could take them home with me," she sighed.
"You know, we have a program where you can walk the shelter dogs," said the Capybara. "Some people don't even return them."
"I'll keep that in mind," she said.
Eventually, she had to tear herself away.
"So, what else do you recommend doing when you're trapped in an endless cycle?" she asked Fiyero.
"My dad says it's good to get out and feel the sand beneath your feet," he said. "Given that the nearest beach is Lake Chorge, I think we'll have to make do with grass."
They went to the park and walked around barefoot before laying down to look up at the clouds.
"Do I know you?" Fiyero asked. "When I first saw you this morning, you seemed familiar to me. Maybe we met when we were little?"
"We've never met before today," she said. "I've never been to the Vinkus, remember?"
"I guess you're right," he said. "Say, doesn't that cloud look like an elephant?"
Elphaba spotted the cloud in question and swept her hand in the air, manipulating its shape. The vaguely elephant-ish shape became a clear pachyderm that curled and uncurled its trunk.
"Groovy!" Fiyero breathed.
Elphaba started giggling.
"What?"
"I'm reminded of a joke about an Elephant and a naked man," she said.
Fiyero laughed.
"That was the first dirty joke I ever heard," he said. "My great grandmother told it to me."
Elphaba still couldn't believe that his grandmother told that to him. Though she only met her own grandparents a few times, she was always met with disdain.
"You okay?" Fiyero asked.
"Just thinking," she said and looked over at him. "Tell me a story."
"A story?"
"Yes. I've heard Vinkun folktales are something worth hearing."
He smiled so brilliantly it made her heart skip a beat.
"You heard correctly," he said. "Let's see… ah, I know! Once there was a young woman named Emeralda. She came from a good family, but she worked hard and was known as the smartest person in the world. From a young age, she wowed everyone with her brilliance and wit. Her father hired tutors for her, but before long she was teaching them. The King heard of this and brought her to the palace to tutor the prince and princess.
"The princess was sweet and eager to learn, the prince, however, was a real dillweed. He thought he knew everything he needed to know and made sure to tell her this daily."
Elphaba chuckled and closed her eyes, listening to him weave a tale. The prince in the tale fit her first impression of Fiyero. Thankfully, Emeralda was clever and able to get herself out of trouble by tricking the wicked prince. It wasn't a happy ending, but it was the best someone could make of a situation like that.
"Noted," said Elphaba when Fiyero finished the tale. "I won't slap you if you talk back to me."
"Eh, I'd probably deserve it," he said. "My brain runs five minutes behind my mouth."
"I understand," she said. "I have the same problem. It gets me into a lot of trouble with my father."
He looked over at her. Oh wow. The eye usually hidden by his hair was blue. She'd never seen anything like his eyes before. His smile was kind. His expression was gentle.
Elphaba was overcome with a desire to run her fingers through his curls.
Shocked herself, she sat up and dusted dirt and grass out of her hair.
"Are you okay?" Fiyero asked.
"Yes, I'm fine," she said, pulling on her stockings. "It's getting late." It really wasn't. "And you have a party to get ready for."
"Are you going to come, too?" Fiyero asked.
"I—no," she said. "I don't have anything suitable. Maybe next time."
She wasn't ready.
"If you're sure," he said. "Let me walk you back. You know, I had a really great time today."
"Yes. I did, too," she said. "We should do this again sometime. Preferably not as a result of me having a mental breakdown."
"I'd like that," he said and she was certain he meant it.