She sat down on the sofa next to Ami, laying the book in the shorter woman's lap.
"This is my journal. Well, one of the many I've kept over the years," she said. "Journalling helps me process stuff and become more self-reflected."
"Mako," Ami whispered, gently placing her hands on the book.
"You know, before I met all of you, I got into a lot of fights and was so angry and a lot of people were scared of me. And they were not wrong to be honest. The pain over my parents' death and then being bounced from foster home to foster home had made me so angry and I didn't know how to get rid of this aggression. So I started fights; sometimes for no reason at all."
Ami was listening with rapt attention. She had known about Makoto's past but not in such detail and she was amazed that her friend was so open about all of it.
"And then, just before I was transferred to your school, I had a session with a counselor – again. Of course, I thought it was going to be totally useless but what she told me changed everything."
Quite suddenly, Makoto got up and walked over to the window. Ami was unsure whether she should follow or not, so she remained seated. When Makoto didn't say anything for a while, Ami got up and went to join her.
"Hey, are you ok?" she asked, putting her hand on the taller woman's shoulder.
Makoto startled and Ami snatched her hand back.
"Sorry," Makoto said quickly, stretching out a placating hand. "I got distracted."
Ami looked at her friend and whispered, "It must be hard for you to talk about all this."
Makoto smiled and shrugged. "Actually, no," she said, "especially not with you."
At this, Ami blushed slightly and lowered her gaze. She was not good at such emotional conversations. Despite her intelligence she had never learnt this particular skill. It didn't exactly run in her family. Then again, how had Makoto leant it if her parents died when she was just a small child.
"Mako," she started, "I … I … thank you. I am so honored.
Makoto smiled and then said, "So, where was I? Ah, yes, the day I spoke to that counselor she told me that, if I wanted, she would help me to manage my anger and become the best version of myself. But it would be hard work and take time."
"Oh wow," Ami breathed.
"Yeah. And that's how long I've been keeping journals, meditating and going to see her at regular intervals. You can imagine that it took me quite a while to open up to her and get used to sharing my feelings." She hesitated for a moment. "And all the pain and fear that had fueled my anger," she finished quietly.
"And that's how I've been getting better at sharing my life with others. It's still not the easiest thing for me, but I know now that it is the right way."
To be continued…