Time passed in the world outside, but for the two lovers locked away in their high tower its presence was reduced to its most tactile forms; The ticking of the clock above the fireplace in the library, the shifting light as the sun rose and fell, the ache of hunger that pulled them back to the kitchen from their bed. Those remnants served to lead them through those moments in which they were not too caught up in the tangible temptations that had offered themselves on a silver platter, when they were too lost in their company to care about something as intangible as time.
What was a few days when measured against the promise of eternity?
Clover vaguely took note of the date on Alastor's morning paper before they lost themselves to laughing over the ridiculous conclusions the chatterboxes of hell had come to after their broadcast, and she thought she heard him mention a time during the following broadcast to poke fun at the article, but neither thought stayed around long enough to be paid any mind.
That was until their biological clock began to slow, and Clover began to dread the day that time would run out.
"How long does this usually go on?" Clover asked over dinner, breaking the comfortable silence. "Your- Season, I mean."
Alastor turned a bit red at the question, his ears twitching before they fell sheepishly back against his head; It would never cease to be adorable to her that even after the amount of time they'd spent exploring each other he'd still blush at the mention of it.
"Without you? Weeks, usually- At the beginning I was unbearable for well into December," He coughed into his palm, pretending a particularly potent bite of pepper had been the cause of the crack in his voice before continuing with a rough clearing of his throat. "But! I think that, uh- Doing the natural act has helped my season run its course in a more timely manner, and it seems that yours will follow suit. Given another day or two, we might be able to take one of our lovely walks together without endangering us both."
She blinked at the phrasing but waited until he'd finished feigning fanning his face to fight the heat of the bell peppers she'd tossed into the pasta to ask the questions it begged for.
"What do you mean?"
"Your scent's heightened state is fading, but still fragrant. Any man with an ounce of breeding instinct would be driven mad if he passed you in the street."
"And you're immune because-"
"Who said I was?" Alastor's tight smile became impossibly crooked, and the room spun around her as he flipped the script in his favor. The gentle chuckle that had painted his question in sinful scarlet was gone in an instant, replaced by the clipped transatlantic she'd grown so accustomed to. "The urge has lessened since our initial mating, but it still lingers- Though I am not sure if that is truly to blame on this form's futile reproductive cycle or something more… Personal."
"I am sexually attracted to you too, Alastor."
The line's dry delivery sent static spitting across his frequency, disrupting the laugh track that roared in response; Clover tried and failed to hide her smug smile behind her wine, her teeth clinking against the glass as she snorted at the defeated sigh that sank his shoulders. The rest of their dinner was spent in much the same way, with the two of them attempting to turn the conversation on its head just to see how the other might react, until they'd eventually found themselves entangled all over again. She hadn't meant for the conversation to turn out this way, she truly hadn't, but it was so hard to help herself when he'd snatched her away from helping with clean up and sat her on that damned countertop again, insisting that it was only fair he take care of it after she'd done the cooking. It wasn't her fault that he'd pinned her hands to the marble, keeping her from reaching for the dishrag he'd dropped beside them, or that he'd decided that kissing her was the best way to shush her extremely valid arguments against him.
And it certainly wasn't her fault that the dishes didn't get done until the morning.
The next night the pair found themselves in the library, with cake and coffee taking the place of dinner as they settled in to watch the sun set. Alastor remained laid across the fainting couch they'd dragged in front of the wide window, long legs kicked up onto the cushions and his nose deep into a book she'd pulled for him from his collection. He'd seemed surprised that she knew the title, and had taken it with little argument, squinting at the cover as he mumbled thoughtfully to himself.
"I can't for the death of me remember what the devil a woman named 'Rebecca' could have done to warrant a novel named after her…"
Clover had nearly snorted her wine across his carpet, but waved off his questioning glance before disappearing back into the bookshelves to find herself a novel worthy of spending her evening on. After much debate, she decided to dwell on the classics- As if there was any other choice in Alastor's library- but settled on a much more feminine telling of a gothic tale; Who said that men had to be the focus on thinly veiled sexual desire disguised as tales of the undead anyway?
Somewhere between her return from browsing and when she'd finally given up on trying to fool herself into thinking that a book, even one as entertaining as this, could distract her from all that she needed to say before they eventually left their opulent oasis, the radio hummed to life. Clover's eyes lifted from where they'd been staring unseeingly at the page to watch as Alastor's ears twitched towards the new noise, and her own tilted in interest at the small sigh that sank his thin frame further into his seat. The song was sweet, its manufactured crackling only adding to the melody's vintage velvet-like quality, and Clover found herself watching Alastor from over the top of her book as time passed. His foot bounced along with the tempo as he read, his eyes scanning the page without the impairment of his monocle far faster than even Clover's speed-reading habits could have kept up with as his lips turned upward at one edge;
Everything about him made her heart ache with adoration she could barely restrain.
Was now the right time to tell him all the things her lips longed to say, or had that moment passed by them too many times to count, leaving fate frustrated with her lack of urgency? Sometimes Clover felt like she need not say anything, that he already knew that he'd owned her heart before he'd ever set down a bid for her soul, his cards flushed while she only cared to hold their pair. And then there were the times when she watched the light in his eyes die in the face of uncertainty, or those when the shifting of his radio static spoke true to the volumes of second thoughts he held about whether the reward was worth the risk to the sanctity of her soul.
Perhaps neither of those feelings mattered, because Clover was becoming worried that if she held her tongue a moment longer that she might choke on it.
The pink pads of her feet hit the floor with a quiet thud as she stood, her slippers having long tumbled over the ornate arm of the couch she'd kicked them up onto. Alastor's head barely turned as she bounced to her feet and picked up the remainder of her wine, the crystal of her glass catching the soft flicker of firelight and faint sparkle of city lights from the window as she gave into her restless urges. The numerous novelties that decorated the bits of shelves not stuffed with books held her attention long enough for the wine to truly take its toll on her inhibitions, the alcohol's warmth crushing the chill of anxiety that threatened to creep its way down her spine. Her fingers traced the sockets of hell-beast skulls and traced the titles of the oldest of Alastor's books- Novels and manuals she worried might turn to dust if she dared open them- feeling every object gently vibrate beneath her fingertips and chasing the feeling to its source.
The tiny, vintage radio that had picked up Alastor's frequency glowed with the warmth of the setting sun, its sleek wooden surface untouched by time and its speakers crackling as one song faded away to make room for another, the soft strum of strings sending tremors across her skin as it's sentimentality settled over them.
"I don't want to set the world on fire…
I just want to start a flame in your heart…
In my heart, I have but one desire…
And that one is you…
No other will do… " "
Her stomach fluttered as Alastor's melodic timbre joined in, its siren call turning her head so she could admire him from this new point of view. Alastor's fingers skimmed gracefully across the paragraphs as neared the bottom of his page, the sound of paper ruffling as he turned them so stark she would have sworn it was a sound effect if she'd not seen it happen with her own eyes. The tip of his nose appeared as sank further into his seat with a contented sigh, her perspective placing it peeking out from between his antlers as he finally fully allowed himself to relax into the curvature of the couch's cushions. The song's first verse passed her by, Clover too distracted by the simple elegance of him to truly listen to the lyrics, but as the slow-spoken bridge began she realized that she knew this song, and knew it well.
"You see, way down inside of me…
Darlin', I have only one desire…
And that one desire is you…
And I know…
Nobody else ain't gonna do… "
Alastor's book dropped to his lap at the creaking of the floorboards beneath her feet, his head tilting further back to peer up at her as she leaned over the curved back of his fainting couch. His smile widened at the teeth that peeked out from between her lips, caught on skin stained purple as they parted, giving Clover just enough encouragement to pursue a duet.
"I've lost all ambition for worldly acclaim…
I just want to be the one you love… "
If he'd noticed the way the word caught in her throat, Alastor surely didn't show it. Her heart pounded as she stretched forward to brush his nose with hers, its heavy rhythm flooding her ears with worrying blood while she fought against the lingering effects of her anxious tendencies, prying away chains her concerns had fastened around her nerves before they pulled her back to the library's darkened corners once again- No, she would not run away from what was laid so plainly in front of her, not when those eyes of his narrowed so fondly up at her. They filled her vision, their softness followed by the sharp spark of teeth and the brush of ink-stained skin as his chin tipped back so he could sing sweetness against her lips.
"And with your admission that you feel the same,
I'll have reached the goal I'm dreaming of… "
Clover couldn't help but giggle as he gave her a quick peck, her laughter carried up to echo in a room she supposed must still exist beyond where he ended and she began. Her knees buckled without real reason, their eyes meeting as they turned to look at each other with cheeks squished against the crushed crimson cushion, and Alastor grinned as he spoke the next words just slightly behind tempo.
"Believe me,"
"I do."
His radio faltered at her whispered reply, garbling the beginning of the next line before it quickly righted itself before the song was ruined any further. Neither of them rejoined the song after that, not daring to look away from the other as lips parted with unspoken words, and Alastor watched as a thousand emotions flickered across her eyes like firelight.
"I don't want to set the world on fire,
I just want to start, a flame in your heart… "
"Play another song,"
Clover spoke before the song had even finished fading, the single drawn-out note at its end coming to a screeching halt as her trembling whisper rose above it, and Alastor's brow rose in interest.
"Any requests?"
"Well-" Clover began, and then paused, pulling her lip between her teeth as she swallowed against the dry cracking of her throat. Alastor waited patiently; Or at least, he tried to, but his ears strained further forward with every skip of her heart as she pretended to ponder. They fell flush against his skull as she inhaled decidedly, her breath rattling the rock that had formed in her throat and dislodging it to crush against her chest as she continued. "There was that one song- the one you played after we went to Mimzy's, remember?"
Worried that he'd figured her out from the request alone as Alastor sat up to face her with an affirmative hum, Clover let the first half-hearted excuse she could think of trip over her tongue before he could raise any further questions.
"It's been stuck in my head lately- Please?"
The curiosity in his eyes was swallowed by the depths of dark pupils as they widened at her plea, and Alastor's radio flitted furiously across his frequency in what Clover assumed was an over-dramatization from the teasing way he tapped his chin.
"Let's see now- That particular tune has many renditions, but which version shall I play?"
First, there was the sudden swell of an orchestra, crackling like dry wood across his frequencies before its vintage romanticism was amplified by lyrics he'd whispered into her ear not so long ago sung by the full-bodied vocality of a woman. This version reminded her much of where she knew she'd first heard the song, of black and white vignettes of smokey Parisian bars and sunlit walks beside the Seine; As romantic as it was, it was not the version he'd played before, even if it felt like the more appropriate choice for Alastor's aesthetics. He watched her as the song played, waiting as recognition flickered across her eyes before his stations switched with the smallest shake of her head, and they were on to the next option. This version began differently than the first, the more modern melody shifted just slightly as it was drawn out from strings, and still not what she was looking for, so it was gone before it had barely begun.
A familiar piano melody came through his speakers next, a rolling chime that reminded her of the soundtrack set to accompany spring rain in an old cartoon she definitely didn't relate to Alastor, and Clover's ears perked up. She stood still while she listened closely for the swell of trumpets she knew came next, just to make sure; But her mouth ran ahead of her mind, as usual.
"That o-" Clover cleared her throat, wincing as the echo of her voice came back to her before adjusting to a more acceptable volume. "That- Was the one from before, right?"
"I believe it was."
Alastor's smile was too knowing to quell the heat that spread like hot oil across her skin, his sharp teeth grinding against her blistering embarrassment as his lips tilted upward at one corner.
Her hand rose of its own accord, and Alastor took it without question. A brush of lips against the back of her hand sent shivers across her skin, a promise that he'd further distract her from the plan she was slowly unfolding if she wasn't careful as he led her towards the open expanse of carpet set in front of his fireplace. The radio adjusted itself now that it had found the correct tune, rolling back the track to the top so it could be properly appreciated, and the two of them fell together far easier than the last time they'd danced to this particular song. Clover waited to see if he'd beat her to the metaphorical punch by allowing the lyrics to play this time, but they were held back in favor of an instrumental, just as they had been before. It had taken a little searching for Lollie to find the cover Clover had described to her, but only because neither of them had expected him to choose something recorded decades after his time. All questions had been pushed aside in favor of spending the remaining hours of the evening committing the translation to memory, but now they returned to her as Clover began to speak.
"When he takes me into his arms and speaks to me softly, I see life in pink…" The words were said only slightly off rhythm, the French translation far clunkier than the English lyrics Clover had decided against, but the reaction they received was worth the extra effort. "He speaks words of love to me, everyday words, and they do something to me…"
Static filled the air between them as Alastor took a shaking breath, his fingers clutching at her as their dance faulted from his lead. Hands grasped into the soft fabric of their casual attire to tug the other closer, and the proper distance kept between them disappeared as they intertwined. Clover's voice fell to a whisper, for anything louder would have felt less like the careful intimacy she'd created and more like she'd taken him by the shoulders and shouted her undying admiration as she shook him-
Which, now that she was thinking about it, wasn't far off from how they'd found themselves in this situation in the first place.
A flutter of wings brushed his hair from where it had curled against his jaw as her butterflies were banished with a sigh, and Clover was thankful that her stomach was no longer tormented by their ceaseless flight. Alastor's weight against hers helped to soothe the tension in her limbs, the warmth of his palm as it pressed heavily against the small of her back to pull her against him unwinding the coil at the base of her spine until she all but crumbled into his embrace. She supposed that their current position was what one would call "dancing cheek to cheek", and that only made the flush that spread across her skin burn brighter as she continued.
"He entered into my heart, a bit of happiness…" Clover sort of sang, her lips brushing his cheek with every word as he leaned in to listen. Static rose, fell and faded as the state of his radio frequency reflected his reaction, as she'd expected;
But she hadn't expected to hear his voice in her ear, echoing their beginnings as this chapter came to an end.
"Il est entré dans mon coeur une part de bonheur…"
His voice was as sweet as it had been then, but the difference was striking to her trained ear. This wasn't the saccharine showmanship he'd offered up as the encore to their night of cocktails and conversation; No, this was something much simpler, something much more natural than anything he could have conjured then. Now the words dripped with a honeyed honesty that soothed the sickness that attempted to rot her resolve and glued her jaw together with its sticky sentimentality.
"Dont je connais la cause…"
A smile curled against her cheek as Alastor crooned, moving on with the lyrics without her and taking back the lead she'd knocked from his eager hands- But Clover was not going to give up on the games they played so easily, even when her words felt thick as they tumbled from her tongue. So she said;
"It's me for him and him for me…"
And Alastor responded.
"C'est lui pour moi, moi pour lui dans la vie…"
"He said it to me, and swore it for life…"
"Il me l'a dit, l'a juré pour la vie…"
"And once I realize it…"
"Et dès que je l'aperçois…"
"Then I feel within myself…"
"Alors je sens en moi…"
"Mon cœur qui bat," Alastor's thumb brushed across her lip, pausing her words as he finished the translation. "My heart beating."
All was quiet again except for the melody that lowered itself into the background and the soft fizzle of static that came with every breath, the two of them electing to simply see the song to its end as they continued to sway. Clover distracted herself from the burning of her cheeks with his hands, watching how easily they moved to her whim as she playfully pressed their palms together and splayed their fingers toward the sky; Alastor looked fondly on, his cheek resting atop her head as she tucked it beneath his chin to gather her courage.
The song ended then looped back over itself, and Clover said-
"You sang that to me on our first date."
The statement was obvious, but effective. Alastor's throat bobbed as he swallowed audibly, and his head turned to bury his nose into the space between her ears as he breathed in deep to offer her simple observation and equally simple answer.
"I did."
Fuck it, Clover thought. There was no point in waiting for the perfect moment when every second spent beside him was a moment worth making better- They'd said "I love you" a thousand times already, just not yet out loud; It existed in every passing glance, in their hidden touches, in every utterance of the others name, and even in this twisted game of questions they'd drawn out for far too long.
Patience was an overrated virtue anyway.
"Did you mean it?"
The sudden strength in her voice seemed to startle him, Clover's head lifting from where she'd tucked it beneath his chin to look boldly up at him. His radio peaked, skipping over a section of the song entirely before it rewound with a grinding of tape that tugged upward at the corners of her mouth as she watched Alastor blink himself free of shock. An audible "clack" came as his jaw snapped shut, his teeth grinding together behind a warbled smile as he worked through whatever her question had sparked before it softened with a thoughtful hum.
"I wasn't sure why I did it then, in all honesty. You were so happy, so bold in asking me to dance- All evening I was just thinking of how I could dazzle you next, to keep that smile on your face! But now-" Alastor's voice cleared of the radio interference it had taken on, leaving behind only the warm clarity of its echo as he regarded her with a tilt of his head. "I believe what I have left of my heart was leading me down a path my mind was not yet prepared to follow."
His ears flicked forward at the soft sound she made as he cradled her cheek, his fingers tilting her chin back and forth as if he was examining her; The playful twinkle in his eye told her that it was another distraction, that he hoped to make her smile and break the crushing sense of urgency that had begun to press lines between her brows. Gently, his claws pushed her glasses from where they'd fallen down her nose, and Clover locked eyes with that dark phantom of a man that only seemed to appear when she needed him most as the lenses caught the flickering fire.
Alastor continued, his voice cracking alongside his frequency.
"So, yes! I believe that my choices were made in truth, even if I myself was not aware of how taken I was with you. I-" A soft chuckle cut him off as Alastor's smile grew wider, painting his voice with a breathless sense of wonder. "I thought I had everything I ever wanted before I met you but now- I'm terrified at the thought of losing you, and you aren't even mine."
Could it really be this simple? Of course it could, Clover thought, it always has been with him but she'd been too stupid, too caught up in the possibilities that she'd somehow push him too far with the very thing that had founded their friendship in the first place; Honesty. The pursuit of understanding one another was what had set them down this path together all those nights ago, when her restless mind had led her down to the dimly lit hotel bar that would become the background to so many pivotal moments in their courtship and her relentless curiosity pushed her to play cat and mouse with the most dangerous man she'd ever met. To be so bold was a lesson she'd had to learn, and here she was failing to use her newfound strength at the moment it truly mattered. It was a regression at best, but at worst? It was a mistake she'd never let herself make again, not with him. She was done with- Oh, how would he say it?
She was done with pussyfooting around one another when the truth of the matter had already been made abundantly clear.
"You know-" Clover began as she blinked the welling heat from her eyes. "You say an awful lot without saying anything, which is rather impressive when you take into account that talking is your favorite pastime."
Alastor's radio fizzled with static, as it often did, but to her- To her it felt like a drumroll, goading her to continue while the world waited for the penny to drop.
"Yes, well-"
"But you also say so much that sometimes it feels like I'm reading stereo instructions just trying to translate it all so I can find the words to respond to you."
Relief rained down her cheeks, her tears catching the firelight as the iron grip she'd had on her own heart finally released with a hopeful, hiccuping sound. It wasn't a laugh, it wasn't quite a sob, and she didn't care how strange it sounded because that noise was the creaking rust of floodgates as they finally bent to the unyielding force of her feelings for him- And somewhere beyond that sound, beyond the relentless beating of her heart she could hear his frequency going haywire in response, she could feel how his hand fluttered helplessly at their sides as she turns away to drag her palms across her tear-stained cheeks. Months of unsolved mysteries and barely-kept secrets spill from throat too quickly for Clover to contain; So she didn't, because what was the point in that now?
"I don't know if you keep meaning to say the definition and not the word, or if you're just being incredibly prone to poeticism, or caught up in the moment but- I feel like every other way I've tried to tell you has never been enough. Which is so unfair to you because- I already know the truth, I have for a long time, I just- Never know when is the right time."
Taking his hands in hers, Clover presses their palms together once again, intertwines their fingers and watches in wonder at how easily he fills the empty spaces in between. The weight of him keeps her grounded, the touch that once sent sparks across her skin now serving to soothe her as she steadies her breath, and it's then that she notices how quiet the room had become; Not even the fire dares to crackle, as if not wanting to interrupt them.
"Honey, I am yours, I am yours in body and soul, and I have been for so long now. You mean everything to me, you are everything to me and-" Clover's hands tremble as they cling to his and her eyes squeeze shut against the heat that blurs her vision; When they open again his eyes are so soft, so vulnerable that she knows for certain that there never was, and never will be, a better time to tell him than the present.
"And Alastor, I love you."
Static rips through the silence, bristling across her skin as the frantic tuning of a radio echoes from every direction; The sounds are indiscernible from one another as it flips between stations, thunderous applause bleeding into the rolling of drums so seamlessly she questioned if there was ever applause at all before the rapturous roar of trumpets banished percussion from the equation as it peaked. His frequency fizzled and popped until it dropped to dead air so deafening it made her head spin; But that didn't matter, because the second it all stopped he was there, cradling her between his palms and beaming down at her with those eyes, those eyes that glisten in ways she'd never thought them capable of before now.
"Clover, mon cœur, you are the only desire my heart has ever known- I love you, dearly."
Finally, that was the only word that came to her as the last piece of the puzzle clicked into place, but it was not enough to explain the exhalation of it all. Her joints ache to leap to the sky, to spring into his arms and send them spinning around the room in celebration, but as her heels leave the ground her muscles suddenly fall at ease as months of knots unwind in unison, her knees buckling beneath her as relief knocks the breath from her lungs and sends it spilling between her lips with laughter- And then Alastor's laughing too, his cheeks stained with glistening scarlet as heavy tears curl into the creases of his smile and why the hell did she wait this long?
Scattered sobs joined the hysteric symphony as Clover took his face into her hands and gave him the countless moments of affection she'd held back all at once, peppering his face with kisses that only paused for the occasional breathless murmur of "I love you". Alastor turned to catch her in it as she pressed another peck to the corner of his mouth, pulling her flush against his chest as the moment crept up behind them and pulled them to their knees. The carpet caught their fall, its thick weave welcoming them down as they fell together as a mess of featherlight fingertips that brushed back the hair from his eyes and traced the paths of their tears. Dark thumbs, warm and soft against her cheeks, wiped the last of them from her eyes before tilting her upward to meet his lips so he could kiss her to his heart's content. They fell from knees to palms, to the bump of elbows against the rug, and then finally to the soft thud of shoulders as he laid her down in the warm firelight and followed after. Clover's fingers laced into the hair at the nape of his neck as she poured her soul into that kiss, content to give him it all if it meant they never had to return to the agony that was the unknowing.
"When we return, we don't owe them anything," Alastor whispered, soft but stern against her lips. "Not a damn thing."
Clover nodded, her nose bumping against his with every movement before she whispered back.
"Things are going to change, aren't they? Out there, I mean."
"They don't have to, we could continue on exactly as before if that was what you wished," That damned smile appeared again, crooked and cunning as made himself comfortable at her side. "But if I may be so bold, I don't think either of us would be satisfied with that."
"Are you sure? What about your privacy? We can ease into-"
"I have spent far too much time pretending that I don't long to have you at my side, and I am truly sorry for that, but I promise I will make up for it- Even if it takes till the end of time," The finger that had been pressed to her lips to silence her slipped away, tracing along the hollow of her throat until his hand laid tenderly over her steadily beating heart. "Would that be alright?"
Clover nodded, unsure of what to say; It was everything she'd ever wanted, and here she was with a head full of nothing but redundancies and the urge to scream her triumph to the heavens.
So she said the one thing she was sure she'd never grow tired of.
"I love you."
"I know, darling," Alastor said. "And I love you."